Neo Yokio (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

A Pop Star of Infinite Elegance

1 [classical music] [horn blares] Wow, courtside at the Neo Yokio Knickerbockers.
Isn't this a thrill, Charles? Being the number one bachelor certainly has its perks, sir.
- [man] Hey, over here, buddy.
- You got it, number six.
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the national anthem as sung by Neo Yokio's new global ambassador Sailor Pellegrino.
[instrumental music playing] And did those feet in ancient time Walk upon Neo's mountains green And was the holy Lamb of God On Neo's pleasant pastures seen? I will not cease - Man, her voice is pure cashmere.
- As if from Loro Piana, sir.
Sleep in my hand Till we have built Jerusalem On Neo's green and pleasant land [crowd cheering] [announcer] One more round of applause for Sailor Pellegrino.
[crowd cheering] And look who else is sitting courtside tonight.
Neo Yokio's number one most eligible bachelor Kaz Kaan.
Neo Yokio's most eligible bachelor, huh? Oh, it's nothing.
It's just this silly ranking we have here.
My life is probably quite boring compared to yours.
Darling, you'd be surprised.
I'm just a humble pop star from North Cackalacka.
I spend most nights alone with my cat Medusa.
[cat purring] [whistle blowing] [crowd cheers] So, word on the street is that there's a big dance this weekend.
You know anything about it? Oh, yeah.
The Black and White Ball.
It's a major high society event.
I don't suppose you got a date? Actually, I'm going with Neo Yokio's premier fashion blogger, Helena Saint Tesoro.
Oh, well.
Can't blame a girl for trying.
[chuckles] If you change your mind, pumpkin, here's my card.
[cheering] [announcer] Uh-oh! Looks like Kiss Cam has a couple of VIPs in its sight.
Knickerbocker fans, do we wanna see a kiss? [crowd chanting] Kiss.
Oh, no, no, no.
Come on, Kaz.
The fans are asking for it.
They want it.
Let's give 'em a thrill.
Kiss the woman, you magical bastard! Okay.
For the fans.
[announcer] Bingo! [crowd cheering] [whirring] Yo, B.
I still don't get it.
Why are you wearing a tuxedo now when the Black and White Ball isn't till Friday? A tuxedo is a living thing, Lexy.
You can't just yank it out of storage the day of the ball.
It needs to be reintroduced to human society, slowly and carefully.
[laughing] You're psycho, Kaz.
Well, it fits perfectly, sir.
Helena Saint Tesoro will be delighted to have you as her date.
I don't know how delighted she'll be when she sees you kissing Sailor Pellegrino.
What are you talking about? The kiss went viral.
[crowd cheering over speakers] Oh, come on.
That's not a big deal.
It was just for the fans.
Helena will understand.
This just comes with the territory of being number one bachelor.
Yo, either way it's a bad look, son.
Sailor Pellegrino is wack.
You know? I can't stand that white-bread pop shit.
Her music is for corn puffs, but you can't deny, she's talented.
She's more than talented.
Charles, how many albums has she sold? One billion, sir.
One billion.
[laughs] And Lexy's free mixtape barely has a thousand downloads.
[both gasp] Sorry.
Was that too mean? No, dawg.
It's your tux.
- What about it? - It's not black.
Of course it is.
It's as black as this espresso.
Charles, run a diagnostic.
I'm afraid, sir, that your tuxedo is not black, but rather the darkest shade of midnight blue.
- What am I gonna do? [sighs] - Maybe no one will notice.
Don't worry.
You'll be fine indoors.
This is a disaster.
[Arcangelo] Hey, homeys.
Man, it's Arcangelo and the Eastside Gentlemen.
I hate these dudes, man.
Sharp suit, Kaz.
Just kidding.
Is that midnight blue? What, are you insane? It's called a Black and White Ball, you dummy.
[groans] All right, gentlemen, let's go take a jog around the reservoir.
[Gottlieb] Don't sweat it.
Arcangelo's just jealous that you're number one now.
And he's number two, which is doo-doo.
What up, Agatha? Your hair's looking tight today, ma.
Kaz, I need you immediately.
You have a job at The Met.
Do we have to? I just got some seriously distressing news about my outfit.
Get in the Phantom.
Kaan, perhaps I can give the young master a lift.
Don't be ridiculous.
I won't have Kaz showing up to this meeting on a mechabutler.
I'll see you back at the apartment, Charles.
Later, ichiban.
Don't worry.
You could be as cool as a Phantom.
We just gotta throw some suicide doors on you.
[Charles] Hmm.
[man] Ah! Dear Agatha.
Thank you so much for coming.
Maxwell, how are you, dear? I'm an absolutely wreck.
Hosting the Black and White Ball is so nervous-making.
All of Neo Yokio high society in one place.
It would be a field day for those damn demons.
Not to worry.
My nephew will make sure the whole museum is demon-free.
Kaz Kaan, Neo Yokio's number one bachelor and demon-slayer? I've heard so much about you.
Nice to meet you, Mr.
Adjunct curator.
Let's get started.
Double clear.
Also clear.
I really doubt we're gonna find any demons in The Met.
Just keep checking, Kaz.
One can never be too careful.
But one can waste one's time.
I've never heard of a demon hiding in a Greek statue.
[Maxwell] But surely you've heard of a demon hiding in a diamond.
For the Love of God, Damien Hirst, 2007.
A platinum cast of a human skull, encrusted with 8,601 flawless diamonds.
Perhaps the greatest work of art, ever.
It's a goddamn demon's paradise.
A demon can use a diamond to transform and magnify its powers.
It's like Botox for the bastards.
Uh, fine.
Let's take a look.
[thunder rumbling] As I expected, just a perfectly normal jewel-encrusted skull.
- No demons? - Not a one.
- Aunt Agatha, can I go now? - Shut up, Kaz.
Maxwell, darling, are you satisfied? For now.
But I don't think I'll truly be at peace until the ball's over and every socialite is sleeping safe and sound in their four-poster bed.
Well, you let us know if we can be of any further assistance.
[Maxwell] Agatha, your generosity knows no bounds.
And, Kaz midnight blue.
Interesting choice.
[grunts] [line ringing] Hello, Saint Tesoro Townhouse.
This is Kaz Kaan.
I have a question that only a premier fashion blogger can answer.
Is Helena home? Kaz, you didn't hear? She's in the hospital.
That's terrible.
What happened? After the exorcism, she was feeling a bit dizzy and took a little tumble down the stairs.
Maybe I should pay her a visit.
Oh, I'm sure she'd love that.
I'll bring her a big Toblerone.
How thoughtful.
Honey, the snacks are ready.
Kaz, I gotta go.
Snacks are ready.
Knock, knock.
It's me, Kaz.
I brought you a big Toblerone.
So, I'm really excited about the Black and White Ball, but my tuxedo's midnight blue.
What do you think? Can I still wear it? Oh, Kaz.
I've come to realize, it doesn't matter what you wear.
That's an odd thing for a fashion blogger to say.
I am not a fashion blogger anymore.
Of course you are.
Don't be hard on yourself just because you've taken a sabbatical.
Kaz, you don't understand.
Something's changed in me since the exorcism.
I'm done searching for meaning in the aesthetic cycles of commodities.
[thunder rumbling] Fashion is not a commodity.
- Oh, yeah? What is it, then? - It's a glimmer of hope in a cruel world.
[laughs] I'm not joking, Helena.
I'm not joking either, Kaz.
The Black and White Ball is a vapid celebration of capitalist values.
I think we should boycott it, together.
But it's gonna be so fun.
- It's a grotesque display of wealth.
- But our friends are gonna be there.
Friends? They're petulant snobs! You sound crazy.
I sound enlightened.
Okay, okay.
I get it.
You had a profound experience.
You were possessed, and now you think you're better than all this, but come on.
At the end of the day, you're still a rich girl who lives in a giant townhouse in the Sea Beneath 14th Street.
On second thought, Kaz, you belong at that ball.
Your midnight-blue tux will be a glimmer of hope in a cruel world.
You know what, Helena? You don't deserve this big Toblerone.
[thunder rumbling] Where to? Anywhere but here.
You got it, boss.
[music playing on TV] Hi, y'all.
I'm Cultural Ambassador Sailor Pellegrino.
And why do I love Neo Yokio? How about that food? [man] Yum! Can't forget the fashion.
[crowd cheering] But most of all, the people! [crowd cheering] [man] This message brought to you by the Neo Yokio Board of Tourism.
[phone rings] This is the office of Sailor Pellegrino.
May I ask who's calling? Oh, hey.
This is Kaz Kaan.
Is Ms.
Pellegrino in? Oh, hey, Kaz.
It's me, Sailor.
Sometimes I pretend to be my own secretary.
It's just a silly thing I do.
[laughs] What's up? Well, things have been reshuffled on my end.
I was wondering would you like to be my date to the Black and White Ball? It would be an honor! Pick me up at eight.
Excuse me, sir.
- Yeah, buddy? - Do you think I can wear midnight blue - to a Black and White Ball? - Well, I'm just a cabbie, but no, I wouldn't do it.
In that case, take me to Bergdorf's.
[tires screech] [yells] Kaz Kaan, the ichiban.
How can I assist you today? You tell me, salesclerk.
Oh, good God! You look like an animal.
I'll get you a black tux immediately.
Well, what do you think? These are tuxedo masks.
The hottest new accessory straight from Milano.
- I don't know.
It seems a little flashy.
- Exactly.
West Side Gentlemen need a little flash.
- We earned the right to stunt.
- I'm going to the ball with a pop star.
I want people to see my face.
- Pop star? - I thought you were going with Helena.
I've traded up.
I'm taking Sailor Pellegrino.
- Dawg, you cannot take Sailor Pellegrino.
- And why not? You're Neo Yokio's most eligible bachelor, and she just moved here last week.
She don't know what a chop cheese is.
[panting] Now, this one should be perfect for the Black and White Ball.
Ah, this is much better.
Kaz Kaan, the midnight-blue don.
Oh, Arcangelo, what, do you live here? [softly] I wish I lived here.
Me, too.
[sighs] So, my sources tell me you're now taking Sailor Pellegrino to the ball? You're damn right I am! I wasn't aware you listen to popular music.
I don't.
But I'm a great fan of Sailor's success.
She just likes you 'cause you're topping the charts right now.
But guess what.
You're a one-hit wonder.
I'm a career artist, and I'm in the lab with my pen and my pad, working on some real fire for my comeback album.
Whatever you say, Arcangelo.
[Lexy] Man, check it out.
[Gottlieb] These masks are el fuego.
[laughing] We gonna be the belles of the ball! - Yes.
- Yes.
Charles, play me a song by Sailor Pellegrino.
- Which one, sir? - I don't know.
Whichever is her most popular.
Good choice, sir.
[pop music playing] You're working in the record store Just right across the street [phone rings] [Kaz sighs] - Charles, who's calling? - It's Aunt Agatha, sir.
Put her through.
Audio only.
[phone beeps] I said, audio only! Kaz, I have some wonderful news.
The adjunct curator still feels uneasy about the demonic threat and wants you to personally oversee security for the ball.
But I can't work at the ball.
I'm going to it, with a pop star! I don't care who you go with, but once you're there, you're working.
But she won't wanna go with me if I can't be a proper escort! The money's too good to pass up.
End of discussion.
Oh, hey, Kaz.
You're early.
Hi, Sailor.
Listen, I have some bad news.
I won't be able to take you to the ball.
Oh, no.
What's wrong? My wretched aunt is insisting that I run security.
I'm so embarrassed that I have to work.
You deserve better.
Pudding, I grew up in a trailer in North Cackalacka.
My mama had three jobs.
There is no shame in working for your money.
You mean you still wanna go with me? As long as I'm your plus-one and I can enter the ball on your arm, well, that's all I need.
No wonder you sold a billion records.
You're amazing.
Boy, are we making a splash.
They love seeing us together.
People just can't get enough of other people standing on a red carpet.
Kaz! Kaz! I've been looking for you everywhere.
Kaz? - [Maxwell] Kaz! - I'm sorry, Sailor, but duty calls.
Go keep the ball safe, you stud.
I'll save my first dance for you.
Please, Lexy.
Be nice to her.
All right, dawg.
If you really like Ms.
Cackalacka, she's cool with me.
Thanks, bro.
I took two beta-blockers, but I still can't shake my nerves.
This should give you the best vantage point.
Here's a pair of binoculars, and some charcuterie in case you get hungry.
I'll keep my eyes peeled for anything strange.
Thank you, Kaz.
And I'm sad to see you lost the blue tux.
- Really? - It was so fashion-forward.
[playing jazz music] I remain optimistic about the Knickerbockers.
The new center is a beast.
Where's Helena? I can't wait to see her gown.
- Do you think she'll wear Céline again? - My money's on Ralph.
[chuckles] Funny you should ask.
It's midnight blue.
[grunts] Yo.
Arcangelo is macking your girl right now, son.
[Kaz] I can see that.
Fuck this! Sure.
Black would have been the safe choice, but fortune favors the bold.
A midnight blue tuxedo? What gives, Arcangelo? I played you, Kaz.
Midnight blue is the new wave, and I alone will take credit for it.
You bastard.
I did you a favor, man.
You're too neo riche to pull it off anyway.
Excuse me, but there is nothing wrong with being neo riche.
Old money doesn't make you any less of a jerk.
[groans] You two hillbillies deserve each other.
- [woman] Arcangelo! - [man] Is that midnight blue? God, that's great! [playing jazz music] Sailor Pellegrino, may I have this dance? Oh, my goodness.
I'd love to.
But let me go freshen up real quick.
Don't you move.
Helena Saint Tesoro arrived.
Can you see what she's wearing? It looks like a hospital gown and bandages.
Next level.
[crowd murmuring] Yo, she looks crazy, B.
That's the truth.
Oh, God.
I better make sure she's not having a nervous breakdown.
Helena, what are you doing here? You look ridiculous.
My parents forced me to come to the ball, but there was no way I was putting on a stupid gown.
But everyone's talking about you.
Let them talk.
This is all meaningless spectacle.
Seriously, you're embarrassing yourself.
This ball is an embarrassment.
And this is my protest! Kaz! Kaz, For the Love of God , it's gone! - What's gone? - The Damien Hirst skull, For the Love of God! [groans] I can't catch a break! [groans] Oh, no.
The trustees will blame me! Go get the police.
I'll look around up here.
Sailor? What are you doing up here? Just got a little lost on the way to the bathroom.
This place is huge.
Is everything okay? A Damien Hirst is missing.
This ball has truly been a disaster.
Oh, Kaz.
You sweet ichiban.
Everything is going to be okay.
[sighs] You really are my favorite pop star.
A diamond? What? This was in your mouth.
[gasps] Are you the jewel thief? A respectable girl like me, a jewel thief? [laughing] No.
[voice distorting] I'm much more.
Behold my new form.
Still think I'm cute? You're a demon? [demon] Of course.
I thought you knew.
How could I have known? [demon] You're the most famous demon catcher in the city.
And you escorted me right in here as your plus-one.
That's because I liked you.
And I thought you liked me, too.
[demon] I do, Kaz.
But my hatred for this city is so much stronger.
Tonight the Metropolitan Museum of Art will run red with the blood of the bourgeoisie! [playing jazz music] For the Love of God, a demon? [Maxwell grunts] [grunts] [yells] [grunts] Sailor, please, can we talk about this? [demon] If you insist on staying on the wrong side of history, I'll have no choice but to kill ya.
Whoa! [Kaz grunting] [demon] I'm coming for you, Kaz.
I can see you, bitch.
You're wearing a black tuxedo against a midnight-blue sky.
And it's sparkling.
Damn you, Arcangelo.
[grunting] [demon] This is a war! You have chosen your side! [grunts] Alas, poor Sailor, a pop star of infinite elegance.
[classical piano music playing] [music stops] [crowd murmuring] His tuxedo, it's despoiled! [man] He's clearly not a gentleman.
[laughing] You just can't get it right, can you, Kaz? Damn, Kaz.
I told you to stop messing with these out-of-town girls.
I guess I'm not the worst-dressed person at the ball after all.
[door slams]