Neon (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

Forbidden Fruta

[peppy jingle playing]
[Santi] Your grandmother
was Kimberly, too?
I thought you were gonna
say Kardashian. [laughing]
[Kimberly] You think I could
be part of the family? [laughs]
What you doing tonight? Let's get dinner.
I gotta study tonight.
You can't go out 'cause you gotta study?
- Yes.
- [Santi] For what?
For the bar.
- For the bar?
- [chuckles] Yes.
Oh, you're gonna be a bartender.
That's That's cute.
[Sebastian clears throat]
Mira a este.
Big cuz!
- What's up?
- Hi, Santi.
No more, uh, Invisaligns.
A smile built by botched BBLs.
[door opens]
[Santi sighs]
Nice conversation with Kimberly.
Oh, my God, I feel like
there was a real vibe there.
- What's her deal?
- Her deal
is that she's my receptionist,
so don't go there.
- No, no.
- Close the door.
- [door closes]
- Okay.
Santi, if you get the job,
you can't be flirting with coworkers.
It's extremely unprofessional.
I came to you because you're my cousin.
I thought I had the job.
Wish I could,
but I'm not the only partner here.
Nepotism don't hit like it used to.
Nepotism is why you're here
in the first place.
Look, it'll be fine.
We'll do a follow-up next week.
- Yeah?
- Mmm-hmm.
I'mma manage the shit
out of this BBL firm.
I even came up with
new slogan ideas. Check it.
"We're the firm when your butt is not."
I'm giving you gold here.
Héctor, 80% of our customer base
has osteoporosis.
Stack the pineapples horizontally,
not vertically.
- [Felix] What's up?
- What the fuck you doing?
I'm using the store Wi-Fi.
The landlady disabled ours
'cause you didn't pay for it.
Okay. Stop. No! No, no, no!
- What the fuck?
- This is my workplace,
where I make money for the Wi-Fi.
Don't want Eduardo
thinking my friends show up
- and eat free food.
- Wait. The Eduardo?
Am I the only one that works?
No. I heard a rumor that the real Eduardo
died, like, 20 years ago
and the new commercials are a CGI-Eduardo.
That's true, saw it on Reddit.
Okay, no. That's insane. [scoffs]
- Okay, stop it. Stop it!
- You stop.
[both scream]
- Sorry!
- [Eduardo] Niño!
- [Ness] Fuck.
- [Felix] Oh, my God.
[Santi] Holy shit.
It's the legend.
- Eduardo!
- Eduardo!
It's me, yes. [laughs]
- Señor Eduardo, I am so sorry.
- That's okay,
I always love to meet fans, you know?
Especially someone
below the retirement age,
you know, walking into my store?
Well, um, Felix and Santi
were just leaving
- to go work on their music video.
- Wait.
This is the Santi? You know?
The one my little granddaughter
can't stop talking about?
My God! We always sing you in my car.
- [Eduardo singing "Exagerao"]
- [Ness laughing]
[Santi] What?
Eduardo knows my song?
Abuela would be losing her shit right now.
It's an honor to have you
in my store, all right?
And you can bring
all the young friend you want.
They can have all the fruit they want.
- Thank you.
- No you, please. Okay?
[Ness laughing]
- Eduardo! ♪
- Eduardo! ♪
- Eduardo! ♪
- [Ness laughing]
- Eduardo! ♪
- Eduardo! ♪
[Ness] Wait, Eduardo,
I have an idea for you.
[woman laughing]
[Santi] Musicians make the best lovers.
- They did a poll on it.
- Who's they?
- Scientists.
- Guys. Hi.
Guess who got you
directing and acting in a commercial
for freaking Eduardo's? Yo.
[grunting] Yes.
- Grocery store ad? Really, Ness?
- Yeah!
Santi needs to make real art.
Ness, like, I I just don't think that
a commercial is, like, my next big thing?
No, no, not a commercial.
It is an opportunity
to make a music video for free.
Eduardo wants younger clientele.
I convinced him you'd do that.
We just have to put his granddaughter in.
- Babysitting gig.
- Wait, hold up. Hold up.
What if I take the old Eduardo's jingle,
- because everyone loves it, right?
- Uh-huh.
But I just remix it,
throw a dembow beat behind it
- Ah.
- then it can actually be pretty lit.
An iconic part of South Florida history
with a Santi spin.
- Yes! Yes!
- See? See?
- Yo.
- I'm intrigued.
What's the budget?
Uh-uh. No, absolutely not. If I tell you,
you're gonna wanna blow it.
- So, it's, like, big.
- No.
- No.
- It's big?
Think small, okay, because our paycheck
is whatever's left after we finish this,
so if we do it right, we do it cheap
- [whispers] We can make some serious cash.
- Wait.
Serious cash which we really need.
We're about to make bank
and we're about to make a new video?
- Exactly.
- No-brainer.
- No-brainer.
- Okay.
- This is making sense to me. Let's do it.
- Uh-huh.
- Let's do it.
- Let's go!
I gotta say, I was expecting
some corny Frosted Flakes shit
when you mentioned the remix of a jingle,
but it's undeniably good.
Okay. So, I mean,
we've shown you new stuff. [chuckles]
- Are you gonna sign Santi?
- Oh, obviously.
As you know, labels are famous
for signing artists from TV commercials.
I heard the 1-800-Kars4Kids guy
has a residency
at Madison Square Garden next month.
Mia, cake!
Uh, Ness, can I call you
- Just give me a second.
- I need you to pick up a cake.
The good kind for celebrities.
Not the shitty kind
we get for your birthdays.
Absolutely. Who are we sending it out to?
Oh, it's just for us. I'm gonna announce
Jalen's promotion this afternoon.
Tien's new assistant?
He's only been here for six weeks.
All of them have kicked ass.
Have you heard
his cold pussy story? [chuckling]
There's So there's this
- [laughing]
- Mmm.
I couldn't possibly do it justice.
- Hear it from him.
- I bet.
You on a personal call?
Uh, no. Um
Your accountant. He had some questions
[scatting] Don't tell me.
- Plausible deniability.
- That's right. [laughs]
- [grunts]
- [both laughing]
- Can I call you later?
- [phone clicks]
[softly] Okay. [sighs]
This is great. You made
the world's first jingle I'd fuck to.
[Santi laughs]
- Yes!
- Second.
Third or fourth, I don't know.
Might be a thing for me.
Let's hope normal people
find it fuck worthy.
I think Paola thought
it was a little fuck worthy, huh?
- [Santi] Chill, yo.
- Paola? From work?
Nena, I'm an artist,
and my heart is overflowing with passion.
You got to let the volcano erupt.
Doesn't have to erupt
- all over my co-worker!
- Ow!
That's gross!
That was gross? Okay. On this set,
I need you to act professional.
Mommy, Daddy, stop fighting.
We need to talk pre-pro.
Looked at camera rentals.
This is what I was thinking.
Jesus Christ.
That's more than we spend on rent.
Find something cheaper.
But why? This is the camera
used on Moonlight.
We should do what they did.
You know better than James Laxton,
- the cinematographer of Moonlight?
- [phone dings]
The woman from the Jowell show
- just wrote about us.
- Oh, awesome.
Or boo.
"When you meet the team behind "Exagerao,"
it starts to feel like
even more of a miracle."
"Lord only knows
how Santi Quiñones and his childlike,
childhood friends
released something so mature."
- [Felix] What?
- "When I met Santi,
he was rushing the stage
grabbing for attention."
"His creative director, in a sweatshirt,
wore his inexperience on his sleeve."
"And his manager
had already stalked me to an event
scheming in a way
to make Scooby-Doo jealous."
Okay, why would Scooby be jealous?
He doesn't make the schemes.
Fred and Velma do.
Dumbass, calls herself a journalist.
Okay, no. We're not getting in our
feelings about one snarky little write-up.
This is why
men shouldn't be allowed to read.
No, you're right.
It's nothing. I mean,
what does she know, right?
[men speaking indistinctly]
What's up, my guy? Mr. Lights.
Mr. Light Man.
- Hey, I'm Jose.
- That's great.
What's up with these? They look expensive.
Uh, was that part of the budget?
[Jose] Felix told me
to set these lights up.
- Felix.
- [Felix] Yeah, one sec.
Ray, the fruit needs to pop.
I'd say like 60, 65% more pop, please.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know, just pop.
- Talk to set deck.
- We don't have a set deck.
Ness, you penny-pinching fuck.
- Just light it better.
- Is this your first time directing?
No, I shot Santi's music video
in addition to many, uh,
underground short films.
Cool. Who was your DP on that?
If you're gonna quiz me, I lit it,
I shot it, Soderbergh style, so me.
- Yeah.
- [Ray] Got it.
Felix, we're three hours behind.
What? We just started shooting.
Yeah, I know.
We could cut fucking the fruit thing.
[scoffs] No, we're not,
that's the emotional crux of the video.
[Eduardo] Santi! I want you to meet
- my granddaughter, Katelina.
- Babysitting begins.
There's no way I'm putting
a little girl in this video.
I want you to meet Katelina,
my granddaughter.
Okay. She's so excited
to work in your movie.
Hi, there. [chuckles]
Hi back at you.
She'll work. There's a lot of ideas
come to mind right now.
- Yep, yeah.
- Great.
She's very talented
and she love to dance, okay?
Eduardo! Eduardo! ♪
Your grandfather really
talked you up. [chuckles]
Oh, he didn't even
get to the greatest hits.
I work hard, take direction well,
and I'm comfortable with a challenge.
Wow. So, uh
I guess we just got to find
the perfect position for you.
You can put me
in any position you want, Santi.
I'm very flexible.
Oh, boy. [chuckles]
Stealing Santi real quick.
[laughing awkwardly]
Whoa, what are you doing?
- Ness.
- What the fuck are you doing?
Nothing! I mean, I'm not doing anything!
Okay. You saw how hot she was.
Yeah, of course I did.
She's very, very, very, hot.
If I didn't work here,
I'd be up in her shit
like Chalamet on peaches,
but listen to me.
You and Katelina cannot happen.
Eduardo, su abuelo, funding the video.
- Okay?
- Ness.
It's a requirement for people
to hook up on music videos sets.
You don't think Maluma
is hooking up with his models?
He's not fucking someone's granddaughter.
He's fucking someone's granddaughter.
Santi, please, okay?
This is too important.
We really, really need this money.
Just this once, I need you to act mature.
- I'll act mature.
- Thank you.
["Sammy Sosa" playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[cell phone ringing]
Six shots, end of the bar. Gracias.
- [men laughing]
- [Mia laughing]
Uh, we cannot finish his first week
in the big leagues
- without some celebratory shots.
- Cool, okay.
You didn't have to do that.
Put it on the company card.
What? I didn't do shit.
I'm a hot girl in a club. These were free.
But I'll certainly take
the company money. [laughing]
- [Oscar] Hmm.
- [cell phone ringing]
Hey, baby. What, the formula?
No, it's in the drawer.
No, the top right drawer.
Okay, I'll be there. I'll take care of it.
All right. I love you. Bye. Bye.
[clears throat]
So, how's Julieta?
She's, um She's okay.
[sighs] It's weird having a kid now.
I'd assume so. [chuckles]
Um, is she at least back to putting out?
[both laughing]
Mia, you got balls.
Oh, let's just say I'm here 'cause
I don't know.
I feel like a caged animal.
Okay, I feel like that all the time.
You know what? To friends.
To friends.
["Ojos Ferrari" playing]
[both laughing]
[cell phone dings]
What the fuck is he doing?
[Eduardo's Supermarket
jingle remake playing]
And action, Santi.
Feel that flame, feel that passion.
None of this was on the shot list.
We are behind,
without a single thing we need.
Part of the process.
Look her in the eyes, Santi.
Okay, yeah.
I love that instinct, Katelina.
Let the juices drip.
Santi, be a gentleman,
help her lick up those juices.
- Cut! We're done here.
- That's a guild violation.
Figure out what this is,
'cause we just have some useless shots
of people fucking fruits.
Ness, you're being racist.
All that matters is people get the vision.
You guys get it, right?
Ray, you get it, right?
Sorry, man, I don't really get
what the hell this is.
Yeah, I get it.
We're doing like a fruit porn.
Hey, I hope I wasn't
getting too aggressive for you.
No, absolutely not. This is just
This is totally professional.
You nervous?
Look, uh, you're so hot,
but, um, I don't wanna
risk ruining this job,
- you know?
- Of course.
Oh, my God.
I don't wanna get you in trouble.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
That just kind of makes it
- even hotter though.
- [phone vibrating]
- Mmm.
- [vibrating continues]
Important cousin call. [chuckles]
- Yo.
- [Sebastian] ¿Qué hay, primito?
Can you come to the office
this week,
meet with me and all the partners?
Wait, wait, wait.
Come back in for a third interview?
Yeah, exactly, congrats.
Bro, this is an entry level job.
It feels like I'm joining
the fucking Illuminati.
They need to see
you're really serious about the job.
I'm serious.
Could you just vouch for me?
You're my cousin.
Santi, I
I'm not sure I believe that.
Wow! Okay.
So, why the hell did you tell me to come
in for this stupid job in the first place?
Bro, I'm not a kid anymore. Just tell me.
Your parents asked me to, okay?
They're worried about you.
They're not sure how long
this whole music thing is gonna last.
So they asked if I could give you a job.
So they don't believe in me at all?
It's not about believing in you.
They're just trying to be real. Like
[sighs] The odds aren't
exactly in your favor.
Next time they call to check in on me,
tell them this is not "some music thing."
This is my fucking career! [exhales]
[Ness] Guys, why don't we take a break?
You can get lunch on aisle 6.
Yo, you good?
I think Celeste might have been right.
[Oscar] So, who's this?
Uh, Ken-Y.
Ken-Y? I thought that was next week.
Should have been prepped.
- [monitor chimes]
- There he is. My man, Ken-Y.
- What's up?
- [Oscar] How's it going?
- We love the new album you sent.
- Love it.
Brutal. So what's your favorite track?
Like, um
[coughing] You mean, like
- Like, the whole thing? Like
- [Ken-Y scoffs]
You know what? We're done here.
No, no, no. It's just so hard to choose.
We talking home listening
or club listening?
Exactly. It makes a difference.
Because you've got
some really powerful ballads for at home.
Right? Like, if I'm trying to get
- into my feelings Saturday night
- Friday for me.
- The best night.
- Yeah.
track 6 is gonna get us there every time.
But if I'm trying to
put my feelings to the side
and turn the fuck up,
me and my girls are throwing ass
- to track 3. [laughs]
- Track 3.
Oof. You got me thinking
- you didn't hear it.
- [Mia] What?
[laughs] Boy, when new Ken-Y
hits our inbox
and we don't stop everything,
something must be wrong, okay? [laughing]
Glad you're on the team.
Look, I gotta bounce,
but I wanna keep this alive.
- Let's talk more later, okay?
- Absolutely.
Good to see you.
And again, love that track 3.
It's got us all throwing that ass around.
You've never thrown ass
in your entire life.
[monitor chimes]
Okay. [chuckles] That went great, um
- I can totally get a one-sheet going
- Look at you, huh?
Mia, saving the day.
What the fuck was that?
[Mia] I just [chuckles]
I thought you'd like
if I took some initiative.
Why the fuck would
I want you to do that, huh?
I hired you to be my fucking assistant,
not to show off
in front of potential clients.
- That was dope.
- Shut the fuck up.
[Mia grunts]
[breathing heavily]
[crying softly]
[cell phone vibrating]
- [exhales]
- [cell phone clicks]
[Felix on phone]
Yo, yo, it's Big Feel. Felix.
Just letting you know things
are going well, super, super well
on the music video set.
And, uh, I'm not about to have
a nervous breakdown
'cause I can't make a decision,
and I'm wondering
if I have no artistic vision,
and I'm definitely not thinking about
how I should have applied to med school.
What's up?
If you wanted to come by
the video shoot at Eduardo's,
that would be cool and welcome,
and honestly, would just
Would love your presence, ultimately.
Okay, nice, that one was actually norbal.
I mean, normal. Normal. Shit.
They need to make autocorrect for voices.
Good idea. Grammarly for voices.
- My idea, not yours, my idea.
- [laughs]
- [door opens]
- [Oscar] I'm in the women's bathroom.
- There's never anyone here.
- [seat clacks]
[Oscar groans]
My nuts are on fire.
Oh, the new guy keeps ball tapping me.
No, he's naive, he doesn't know shit.
He got promoted
'cause he's the co-founder's kid.
Who cares if he works hard?
I'm not dishing out promotions
unless there's something in it for me.
Hey, what's up?
Coming inside?
In a second.
Not really ready
to put on my boss bitch front
for Ness and Santi yet.
It's not a front.
You're, like, the bossiest bitch around.
No, it's because I know
how to pretend to be confident.
Ah, well
wish I knew how to do that.
Everyone in there is, like, doubting me,
like little biatches.
Probably 'cause I'm being a little biatch
who doesn't know
how to make a creative decision
and is inadvertently making fruit porn.
Okay, Felix,
please don't let this get to your head.
But I took a deep dive on to your YouTube.
And you are very talented.
- You have a very unique voice.
- No.
- Yes.
- Enough.
Shit. Can you say that again?
I actually have
a compliments recording going.
I'll write it down.
Put it in my compliments folder.
The man types. Thought
you were strictly a voice notes guy.
Ah, I just figured it'd be easier for you.
Since you're, like, always
on your computer all day, you're like,
uh, reading, reading, reading,
typing, typing, typing.
Just might be nice to listen instead.
[clicks tongue]
That is very nice of you, Felix.
Thank you.
Hey, listen, I know you're not
feeling like peak Mia right now,
but you should come inside.
Santi and Ness would love to see you
and they definitely think
you're the bossiest bitch around.
A boss bitch.
You're a big You're a huge bitch,
and they just
- You can stop talking.
- Yeah.
[music playing over headphones]
Uh, Santi?
Are you a part of this Balvin thing too?
What Balvin thing?
I got a call that he's giving
a surprise performance in a grocery store.
There is no Balvin thing.
- [Celeste] Shit.
- Ness.
- Can't keep doing that.
- This idiot read your piece,
took it very personally,
and now it's spiraled out of control.
I pretended to be a publicist
from J Balvin's team to get you here.
I don't like that you have my number.
And I don't like how you don't understand
the hierarchies of Scooby-Doo. So
What the fuck?
Hey, thanks for the,
uh, pretentious write-up
that repeatedly calls me
childish and unprofessional.
- I'm not pretentious.
- Nah, come on.
[in British accent]
"This juvenile action paints his work
with a very immature bloody brush."
[in normal voice] Thank you,
Meghan Markle.
Okay, you do know that Meghan Markle
famously is not British, right?
Now you know who is and isn't British?
[softly] Pretentious.
This is
Yeah, it's definitely a new one.
I get a lot of insults, pretty much daily,
but never pretentious.
I've had people call me
stupid, untalented
Um, what else?
Oh, yeah, most recently,
"That stupid bitch be writing a blog
when she should be
writing a suicide note."
Jesus fucking Christ. What?
People really say that?
And what did you say back?
I'm trying to hustle.
Not gonna waste my time
giving a shit what other people say.
Look, maybe I was a little harsh,
but it's not really much of a write-up
to say, "This guy's good."
Because you are. And everyone knows that.
Being young is a part of your appeal.
The earlier you start,
the higher you can go.
That's the kind of writing
people were talking shit about?
Yeah, it is. It's
got me fired a couple of times now.
Why am I listening to you
if that got you fired?
Weren't you the bitch just crying?
Come on.
- [Santi grunting]
- [Celeste laughing]
Where the hell you been?
We're out of time.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, guys.
There was a lot of stuff
I wanted to do with this video.
A lot of it, in retrospect,
was overly ambitious.
The GoPro shopping cart,
the multiple crane shots,
Santi dancing with the Selena hologram,
all of it
I know what I need to do.
Uh, shot 4A from the storyboard, people.
Get in positions.
- Please, thank you.
- [all speaking indistinctly]
All right, and camera.
[Jose] Camera set. Rolling.
[LA JOSEA New Eduardo's
jingle remix playing]
Eduardo's! ♪
De la familia! ♪
Estoy enamorado de la latina
De donde sea ♪
La de PR, lo mueve pa' que la vea ♪
Y la de RD me da feeling de bandolera ♪
Una playa lo que quiere lo gocea ♪
Lo gocea, lo gocea, lo gocea ♪
Que si quiere lo gocea ♪
Lo gocea, lo gocea ♪
Lo gocea, lo gocea, lo gocea ♪
Me esta rastreando como un sabueso ♪
¿Quieres carne? Yo tengo carne ♪
Yo tengo carne, yo tengo carne ♪
Vámono para el after party
Yo tengo spicy, estáspicy ♪
Es de Medallo pero se crió en Cali ♪
Me gusta el body
Me gusta naughty ♪
A mí me gustan morenitas
Flaquitas, culonas, chiquitas ♪
Blanquitas, europeas, chinitas ♪
La fresa la tiene rosita ♪
En filita todas se ven bonitas ♪
Si ve una piña ♪
Que sea dulce
Ta dulce ♪
Si estoy amargo ven pa' que me endulce ♪
Eduardo's! Santi ♪
[song continues over speakers]
Wait, wait, Sebastian.
Kimberly says that's your cousin.
That's the "Exagerao" guy, right?
Uh, yeah.
It is.
Your cousin's hot.
[Ynez laughing]
He's, like, the real deal.
You must be so proud!
All right, we've had some fun.
Everyone back to work.
[women] Oh.
["Kiwi Fresa" playing]
[women tittering]
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