Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995) s01e25 Episode Script
Do you love me?
1 Zankoku na tenshi no youni Like an angel without a sense of mercy Shonen yo shinwa ni nare rise young boy to the heavens as a legend.
Neon Genesis Evangelion Aoi kaze ga ima Cold winds, as blue as the sea Mune no door wo tataitemo Tear open the door to your heart Watashidake wo tada mitsumete But unknowing you seem, just staring at me Hohoenderu anata Standing there smiling serenely.
Sotto fureru mono Desperate for something to touch Motomeru koto ni muchu de A moment of kindness like that in a dream.
.
Unmei sae mada shiranai Your innocent eyes as yet have no idea Itaikena hitomi of the path your destiny will follow.
Dakedo itsuka kizuku deshou But someday you'll become aware of Sono senaka niwa everything that you've got behind you.
Haruka mirai mezasu tameno Your wings are for seeking out Hanega arukoto a new future that only you can search for.
Zankoku na tenshi no thesis The cruel angel's thesis bleeds Madobe kara yagate tobitatsu through a portal like your pulsing blood.
Hotobashiru atsui pathos de If you should betray the chapel of your memories Omoide wo uragiru nara the cruel angel will enter the window of your soul.
Kono sora wo daite kagayaku.
So boy, stand tall and embrace the fire of legend Shonen yo shinwa ni nare.
Embrace the universe like a blazing star! THE REASON OF EXISTENCE WHY WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE HERE THE CASE OF SHINJI IKARI THE BOY WISHED FOR HIS DEATH THE OTHER ONE FULFILLED THIS WISH AND THE FINAL ANGEL PERISHED BUT SHINJI IKARI WAS DOUBTING WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? There was no other choice! WHY DID I KILL? Because he was an Angel! Kaworu was an Angel! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS HUMAN ASWELL? He was still an Angel! He was still one of the enemy! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS HUMAN ASWELL? He wasn't! He wasn't! He was not! Even though he was as human as me? No! He was an Angel! Is that why you killed him? Yes! Otherwise we would have all died! We would have all been destroyed! So, that's why you killed him? I didn't want to kill him! I didn't have a choice! THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Help me THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Help me THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Help me! THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Somebody, please, help me! THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
I'm begging you! Somebody, please, help me! You know, it was Kaworu who should have survived.
He was much better than I am.
He was the one who should have survived.
No, the one who survives is the one who has the will to survive.
He wished for death.
He neglected his will to survive and chose a false hope.
You weren't wrong, Shinji.
Are you sure? FEAR Are you sure it was right? OBSESSION I don't understand.
What can I do? What am I supposed to do?! WHAT DO YOU FEAR? What was that? WHAT DO YOU FEAR? I fear myself.
WHAT DO YOU FEAR? I fear being hated.
WHAT DO YOU FEAR? But by whom? WHAT DO YOU FEAR? Who is it? WHO DO YOU FEAR? It's my father! My father abandoned me.
He hates me.
If others hate me, what will I do? What will I do? Where am I? Where am I supposed to go? I can't see anything.
I don't understand what I feel.
Misato? Misato?! Hey, where are you, Misato? Hey, where am I supposed to go? Misato? Asuka? Ayanami? Toji? Kensuke? Ritsuko? Kaji? Father? Mother? Somebody, please! Please tell me what I have to do now! Evangelion Unit 01 I still have to pilot it? Even after it made me kill him? My father and the others tell me I have to pilot it no matter what.
Why do I have to keep fighting after all that's happened?! Mother! Say something! Answer me! WHY DO YOU PILOT EVA? Because everyone tells me to.
THAT'S WHY YOU PILOT EVA? What do you mean? It's for the sake of Mankind! Isn't that good enough? YOU PILOT EVA FOR OTHERS? That's right! Is there something wrong with that?! I'm doing the right thing! When I do it the others appreciate me! The others like me then! You're lying! Are you stupid?! You know damn well that you do this for yourself! You're just making excuses, the way you always do! I do? Pretending that you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of others Pretending that you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of others is just another cop out, isn't it? It makes you feel so superior to play the martyr! I'm not sure that's true.
You're feeling lonely and isolated, nothing more.
Am I? Of course you are! You live on sympathy! You gain it through your symbiosis with your Eva, Shinji! It could be true.
You love having others depend on you! It really satisfies your twisted little mind! That could be.
All you're doing is sitting there and waiting for someone else to bring you happiness! But it's a false happiness! But isn't that what you've been doing? THE SECOND CHARACTER: THE CASE OF ASUKA SORYU LANGLEY I don't want to be in this Eva again.
They're forcing me to pilot this.
But this piece of junk won't work! But it's only junk because of what I've become.
I'm the garbage now.
I'm worthless.
Nobody needs me.
Nobody needs a pilot who can't even control her own Eva.
You seek your own value in the perception of others.
Shut up! FEAR OF SEPERATION Do you fear being alone? FEAR OF SEPERATION Are you afraid that you will lose your identity if others leave you? FEAR OF SEPERATION You pilot the Eva so that you'll be praised by others.
DEPENDENCY Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up! DEPENDENCY Shut up! Just shut up! How can a wind-up doll like you dare to tell me that?! THE THIRD CHARACTER: THE CASE OF REI ANAMI Who am I? You are Rei Ayanami.
But who are you? REI AYANAMI Are you Rei Ayanami as well? Correct, I am that which is recognized as Rei Ayanami.
We are all things that are known as Rei Ayanami.
How could all of these be me? It is simply because the others call us Rei Ayanami, that is all.
You possess a false soul and a fake body? Do you know why? I am neither false nor fake.
I am simply me.
No, you are an empty shell with a false soul, created by a man named Gendo Ikari.
You are just an object that is pretending to be a human.
See, look deep within yourself.
Do you perceive the almost intangible, invisible presence that lurks inside your darkest dreams? It is there that your true identity lies.
No, I am me.
I became myself through the instrumentality of the links and my relationships with others.
I am formed by interaction with others.
They create me as I create them.
These relationships and interactions serve to shape the patterns of my heart and mind.
IS THAT ATTACHMENT TO PEOPLE? Yes, that is the name for what I share with those who have created the being known as Rei Ayanami.
That is what will continue to shape me.
THAT MEANS ATTACHMENT TO PEOPLE However, there is someone else who is your true self.
You don't know her, but she exists.
You deny that fact and attempt to suppress that facet of your reality.
BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THA Because she might not have a human form.
Because then your present self might cease to be.
I AM AFRAID This is what you fear, that you will become nothing.
You are frightened that you will disappear from the minds of others if another exists.
I'm afraid? Why is that? Because then your current self will have never existed.
AREN'T YOU AFRAID? Because you will cease to be.
AREN'T YOU AFRAID? No, I'm happy.
Because I want to die.
I want despair.
I want to return to nothing.
But I can't.
He won't let me return to nothingness yet.
He won't let me return yet.
I still exist because he needs me.
But when everything is over, when I am of no use anymore, he will abandon me.
I've prayed for the day he would abandon me.
But now, I fear it.
Well, let's go.
This is the day for which you were created, Rei.
YES.
AND SO THE HUMAN INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT BEGINS BACK TO SHINJI IKARI What is this feeling? I think I've experienced this sensation before.
It's as though my physical form were disappearing.
It feels nice.
As though my being is spreading itself out to cover the entirety of existence.
BEGIN OF THE PROJEC WHAT THE HUMANS LOST: LOSS OF SOULS FILLING THE VOID OF THE SOULS BEGINNING OPTIMIZATION OF SOULS EVERYTHING RETURNS TO NOTHINGNESS THE HUMAN INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT COMMENCES Incorrect.
It is not a return to nothingness.
It is merely a return to the state of beginning.
It is no less than a return to the primal womb that we lost long ago.
All individual souls and minds will become one, thereby attaining a state of eternal peace.
The final goal is nothing more than that.
And that's Instrumentality? There's an emptiness in our souls, a fundamental incompleteness that has haunted all beings since the very first thought.
THIS IS STARVING SOULS AND INSTILLS FEARS On a primal level, Man knows of the darkness at the core of his mind.
We have sought to escape this void and the fear it causes.
All Man's accomplishments stem from the hope of filling it.
The darkness will never vanish as long as Mankind is merely human.
And so you'll just crush everyone's minds together to fill the gaps?! How dare you presume to make the entirety of human existence into an experiment to prove your theory?! And to use deception in order to accomplish it?! And yet, that is exactly as you wished it to be! Where am I? THE CASE OF MISATO KATSURAGI (PART I) This is the me that exists in your mind, Misato.
And yet, at the same time this is also the me which exists in your mind, isn't it, Shinji? In order to establish my identity, I have to communicate with the minds of many people.
I have to examine that which is at my core.
I have to stare at Misato who resides on the inside of my mind.
What is it that you wish for, Misato? DO YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD CHILD? I have to be a good child.
WHY? Because I have no papa.
I have to be good and not bother my momma.
But I don't want to become like my momma.
When my papa is not here, she always cries.
I can't cry.
I can't depend on anyone else.
So, I have to be good.
That way, maybe my papa won't hate me.
But I hated my father, and I hated being a good child.
I hate it.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of keeping myself clean.
I'm tired of myself pretending to be pure and noble.
I'm so tired of it all.
I want to disgrace myself.
I want to see my life and my reputation ruined.
Is that why you slept with him? With Kaji? No! I slept with him because I loved him.
Did you really love him? Yes, I did! He accepted me for myself! REALLY? He was kind! No! Don't show this to Shinji! Why are you still embarrassed after all that's happened? Because I'm ashamed of it! Why does this embarrass you? You aren't ashamed.
On the contrary, it pleased you to reveal yourself to one you love.
No, don't do this! You're happy to show this to Shinji, aren't you? It's a lie! No, no, I'm not! Are you sure? Or perhaps it's your father you'd like to show this to? No! Wasn't it really peace of mind that you were seeking in Kaji's bed? No! You wanted peace of mind and warmth from Kaji, then? No! You wanted to find your father in Kaji's embrace, didn't you? It's not true! It is true.
In Kaji, I had found my father reborn.
And so, I fled from him.
I was so afraid.
He was so much like my father.
But at the same time, I was also very happy.
I was never happier.
That was such a wonderful time.
That's why I hated it.
That's why I left.
So, no reason was required to begin our love, but you needed a reason for ending it? You are so kind, Kaji.
You are so kind.
I beg you Disgrace me.
Just because you hate yourself is no reason to injure yourself further.
Punishing yourself is simply a cheat to make you feel better for a little while.
Don't do this to yourself.
And now, you'll tell me to take care of myself? Men always do that.
They escape to their jobs, their own world, and leave me behind.
They always leave me behind.
Just like my father did.
They always escape from the harsh realities.
Harsh realities? I am his harsh reality.
Of course, I'm a problem, aren't I? Stop that, Misato! I despise myself! I hate myself! You're vulgar and impure.
You're pathetic.
You're disgusting! You're a dirty whore! You're disgusting! You're a dirty whore! I've never seen anyone in such a disgusting relationship! Congratulations on your promotion, Major Katsuragi! The me who is recognized is the me who's performing a role in order to be appreciated, but she's not the real me.
Your true self is always crying, isn't she? Yes, but I'm happy.
AM I HAPPY? I am happy.
AM I HAPPY? It's true, I am happy! AM I HAPPY? I'm not! This isn't the happiness I want! WHAT IS HAPPINESS? This isn't me, it's not my true self! I just don't want to face the harsh reality! But we must.
We can't live otherwise.
You'd be alone and afraid unstable if nobody was sleeping next to you.
Are you afraid of sleeping alone? Or does sleeping by yourself remind you of how empty your life is? She can't stand not having other souls around her.
So, you'll sleep with anyone, won't you? No! Yes, you just want to be infatuated with primal ecstasy.
You want to fill the hole in your heart with temporary escape.
You take advantage of men to soothe the pain in your soul.
No! No! No! JUST WHAT DOES SHE WISH FOR? Where am I? This is the me which exists in your mind, Asuka.
And yet, at the same time this is also the me which exists in your mind, isn't it, Shinji? THE CASE OF SORYU ASUKA LANGLEY (PART I) What do you want, Asuka? I want to live by myself! I don't want my papa and my momma.
I'll live by myself! And then I won't cry anymore! But I'm still crying.
Why am I still crying? I'm sorry.
I just don't like her.
What happened to you, the capable doctor? I told you, I'm a human being before I'm a doctor.
But how can a trained professional like you She acts too much like an adult and she rejects me absolutely.
Sometimes she even scares me.
Have you had such a feeling with her? No, and, in any case, you are now Asuka's mother.
That may be, but I'm your wife before that.
Both duties are concurrent.
In a social perspective, yes.
In a social perspective, yes.
But you can't quit being her father.
I can quit being her mother anytime.
Well, you could say so.
No, Momma! Don't quit being my momma! I'll be a good kid! Don't stop being my momma! Don't ignore me! No, momma! Don't kill me! Your papa hates your momma.
He doesn't need me anymore.
No, he didn't love me to begin with.
He didn't need me at all.
So, let's die together because Papa doesn't need us.
Am I a waste? Am I not worth anything? Die with me! No, I am not your doll! I'll think for myself and live by myself! Then, my momma was hanging from the ceiling.
She looked so happy.
But I hated how she looked.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to disappear.
I hate boys! I hate my papa and my momma! I hate everyone! Nobody cares about me.
Nobody stays with me! WHAT DOES SHE WISH FOR? So, I don't want to depend on anybody! But I hate it at the same time.
It's a pain! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! Don't leave me.
Don't abandon me.
Don't kill me.
What is this? This is the Instrumentality which your father is beginning.
This is it? This is part of it.
This is part of it.
You can't tell what the truth is.
You can barely tell if what you're feeling is real.
The truth is within you.
And the facts that remain in your memory are what will become your truth.
Truth can be changed from time to time.
This is all real.
This is the result of everything? This is real, but only one of the many realities.
This is the conclusion you wanted.
Wanted? Me? Yes, total destruction.
You wished for a world in which nobody would be saved.
No! I didn't wish for this! The others didn't save me.
Nobody can save you.
This is what you wished for.
Destruction, death and a return to nothingness.
You wished for these.
This is that reality.
What is reality? This is your world.
A world for yourself that exists without time, space or others.
A world in which every facet was determined by you.
This is the world where you just wait for others to give you something.
THAT IS THE REALITY This is your world no matter what.
This is the world that is! Nothing can change that! No, you made the decision.
This is the world where your mind decides what will be.
THAT IS THE REALITY Whether it is the will to survive, or a wish for death, it is all up to you.
Are you saying that this darkness, this insane world, are what I really wished to create?! Yes.
You wished for a closed world that was comfortable for you.
You wished for a closed world that was comfortable for you.
In order to protect your weakness.
To protect your few pleasures.
This is merely a result of your wish.
In your closed world, in a world where only you are allowed to be, others cannot live with you.
But still you wished to close the world that surrounds you.
Your wish ejected things you disliked, and created an isolated and lonely world.
This is the world your wishes have created, a private haven in the recesses of your mind.
This is how it ends.
It is one of many possible endings.
This is an ending you brought upon yourself.
You chose this fate.
AND THE HUMAN INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT CONTINUES TO BE CONTINUED Preview An end always comes after a beginning.
Will our hopes result in ultimate destruction? Is our hope death itself? It's the final episode: "The Beast that Shouted "I" at the Heart of the World.
"
Neon Genesis Evangelion Aoi kaze ga ima Cold winds, as blue as the sea Mune no door wo tataitemo Tear open the door to your heart Watashidake wo tada mitsumete But unknowing you seem, just staring at me Hohoenderu anata Standing there smiling serenely.
Sotto fureru mono Desperate for something to touch Motomeru koto ni muchu de A moment of kindness like that in a dream.
.
Unmei sae mada shiranai Your innocent eyes as yet have no idea Itaikena hitomi of the path your destiny will follow.
Dakedo itsuka kizuku deshou But someday you'll become aware of Sono senaka niwa everything that you've got behind you.
Haruka mirai mezasu tameno Your wings are for seeking out Hanega arukoto a new future that only you can search for.
Zankoku na tenshi no thesis The cruel angel's thesis bleeds Madobe kara yagate tobitatsu through a portal like your pulsing blood.
Hotobashiru atsui pathos de If you should betray the chapel of your memories Omoide wo uragiru nara the cruel angel will enter the window of your soul.
Kono sora wo daite kagayaku.
So boy, stand tall and embrace the fire of legend Shonen yo shinwa ni nare.
Embrace the universe like a blazing star! THE REASON OF EXISTENCE WHY WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE HERE THE CASE OF SHINJI IKARI THE BOY WISHED FOR HIS DEATH THE OTHER ONE FULFILLED THIS WISH AND THE FINAL ANGEL PERISHED BUT SHINJI IKARI WAS DOUBTING WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? WHY DID I KILL? There was no other choice! WHY DID I KILL? Because he was an Angel! Kaworu was an Angel! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS HUMAN ASWELL? He was still an Angel! He was still one of the enemy! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS HUMAN ASWELL? He wasn't! He wasn't! He was not! Even though he was as human as me? No! He was an Angel! Is that why you killed him? Yes! Otherwise we would have all died! We would have all been destroyed! So, that's why you killed him? I didn't want to kill him! I didn't have a choice! THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Help me THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Help me THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Help me! THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
Somebody, please, help me! THAT'S WHY I KILLED HIM.
I'm begging you! Somebody, please, help me! You know, it was Kaworu who should have survived.
He was much better than I am.
He was the one who should have survived.
No, the one who survives is the one who has the will to survive.
He wished for death.
He neglected his will to survive and chose a false hope.
You weren't wrong, Shinji.
Are you sure? FEAR Are you sure it was right? OBSESSION I don't understand.
What can I do? What am I supposed to do?! WHAT DO YOU FEAR? What was that? WHAT DO YOU FEAR? I fear myself.
WHAT DO YOU FEAR? I fear being hated.
WHAT DO YOU FEAR? But by whom? WHAT DO YOU FEAR? Who is it? WHO DO YOU FEAR? It's my father! My father abandoned me.
He hates me.
If others hate me, what will I do? What will I do? Where am I? Where am I supposed to go? I can't see anything.
I don't understand what I feel.
Misato? Misato?! Hey, where are you, Misato? Hey, where am I supposed to go? Misato? Asuka? Ayanami? Toji? Kensuke? Ritsuko? Kaji? Father? Mother? Somebody, please! Please tell me what I have to do now! Evangelion Unit 01 I still have to pilot it? Even after it made me kill him? My father and the others tell me I have to pilot it no matter what.
Why do I have to keep fighting after all that's happened?! Mother! Say something! Answer me! WHY DO YOU PILOT EVA? Because everyone tells me to.
THAT'S WHY YOU PILOT EVA? What do you mean? It's for the sake of Mankind! Isn't that good enough? YOU PILOT EVA FOR OTHERS? That's right! Is there something wrong with that?! I'm doing the right thing! When I do it the others appreciate me! The others like me then! You're lying! Are you stupid?! You know damn well that you do this for yourself! You're just making excuses, the way you always do! I do? Pretending that you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of others Pretending that you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of others is just another cop out, isn't it? It makes you feel so superior to play the martyr! I'm not sure that's true.
You're feeling lonely and isolated, nothing more.
Am I? Of course you are! You live on sympathy! You gain it through your symbiosis with your Eva, Shinji! It could be true.
You love having others depend on you! It really satisfies your twisted little mind! That could be.
All you're doing is sitting there and waiting for someone else to bring you happiness! But it's a false happiness! But isn't that what you've been doing? THE SECOND CHARACTER: THE CASE OF ASUKA SORYU LANGLEY I don't want to be in this Eva again.
They're forcing me to pilot this.
But this piece of junk won't work! But it's only junk because of what I've become.
I'm the garbage now.
I'm worthless.
Nobody needs me.
Nobody needs a pilot who can't even control her own Eva.
You seek your own value in the perception of others.
Shut up! FEAR OF SEPERATION Do you fear being alone? FEAR OF SEPERATION Are you afraid that you will lose your identity if others leave you? FEAR OF SEPERATION You pilot the Eva so that you'll be praised by others.
DEPENDENCY Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up! DEPENDENCY Shut up! Just shut up! How can a wind-up doll like you dare to tell me that?! THE THIRD CHARACTER: THE CASE OF REI ANAMI Who am I? You are Rei Ayanami.
But who are you? REI AYANAMI Are you Rei Ayanami as well? Correct, I am that which is recognized as Rei Ayanami.
We are all things that are known as Rei Ayanami.
How could all of these be me? It is simply because the others call us Rei Ayanami, that is all.
You possess a false soul and a fake body? Do you know why? I am neither false nor fake.
I am simply me.
No, you are an empty shell with a false soul, created by a man named Gendo Ikari.
You are just an object that is pretending to be a human.
See, look deep within yourself.
Do you perceive the almost intangible, invisible presence that lurks inside your darkest dreams? It is there that your true identity lies.
No, I am me.
I became myself through the instrumentality of the links and my relationships with others.
I am formed by interaction with others.
They create me as I create them.
These relationships and interactions serve to shape the patterns of my heart and mind.
IS THAT ATTACHMENT TO PEOPLE? Yes, that is the name for what I share with those who have created the being known as Rei Ayanami.
That is what will continue to shape me.
THAT MEANS ATTACHMENT TO PEOPLE However, there is someone else who is your true self.
You don't know her, but she exists.
You deny that fact and attempt to suppress that facet of your reality.
BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THA Because she might not have a human form.
Because then your present self might cease to be.
I AM AFRAID This is what you fear, that you will become nothing.
You are frightened that you will disappear from the minds of others if another exists.
I'm afraid? Why is that? Because then your current self will have never existed.
AREN'T YOU AFRAID? Because you will cease to be.
AREN'T YOU AFRAID? No, I'm happy.
Because I want to die.
I want despair.
I want to return to nothing.
But I can't.
He won't let me return to nothingness yet.
He won't let me return yet.
I still exist because he needs me.
But when everything is over, when I am of no use anymore, he will abandon me.
I've prayed for the day he would abandon me.
But now, I fear it.
Well, let's go.
This is the day for which you were created, Rei.
YES.
AND SO THE HUMAN INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT BEGINS BACK TO SHINJI IKARI What is this feeling? I think I've experienced this sensation before.
It's as though my physical form were disappearing.
It feels nice.
As though my being is spreading itself out to cover the entirety of existence.
BEGIN OF THE PROJEC WHAT THE HUMANS LOST: LOSS OF SOULS FILLING THE VOID OF THE SOULS BEGINNING OPTIMIZATION OF SOULS EVERYTHING RETURNS TO NOTHINGNESS THE HUMAN INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT COMMENCES Incorrect.
It is not a return to nothingness.
It is merely a return to the state of beginning.
It is no less than a return to the primal womb that we lost long ago.
All individual souls and minds will become one, thereby attaining a state of eternal peace.
The final goal is nothing more than that.
And that's Instrumentality? There's an emptiness in our souls, a fundamental incompleteness that has haunted all beings since the very first thought.
THIS IS STARVING SOULS AND INSTILLS FEARS On a primal level, Man knows of the darkness at the core of his mind.
We have sought to escape this void and the fear it causes.
All Man's accomplishments stem from the hope of filling it.
The darkness will never vanish as long as Mankind is merely human.
And so you'll just crush everyone's minds together to fill the gaps?! How dare you presume to make the entirety of human existence into an experiment to prove your theory?! And to use deception in order to accomplish it?! And yet, that is exactly as you wished it to be! Where am I? THE CASE OF MISATO KATSURAGI (PART I) This is the me that exists in your mind, Misato.
And yet, at the same time this is also the me which exists in your mind, isn't it, Shinji? In order to establish my identity, I have to communicate with the minds of many people.
I have to examine that which is at my core.
I have to stare at Misato who resides on the inside of my mind.
What is it that you wish for, Misato? DO YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD CHILD? I have to be a good child.
WHY? Because I have no papa.
I have to be good and not bother my momma.
But I don't want to become like my momma.
When my papa is not here, she always cries.
I can't cry.
I can't depend on anyone else.
So, I have to be good.
That way, maybe my papa won't hate me.
But I hated my father, and I hated being a good child.
I hate it.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of keeping myself clean.
I'm tired of myself pretending to be pure and noble.
I'm so tired of it all.
I want to disgrace myself.
I want to see my life and my reputation ruined.
Is that why you slept with him? With Kaji? No! I slept with him because I loved him.
Did you really love him? Yes, I did! He accepted me for myself! REALLY? He was kind! No! Don't show this to Shinji! Why are you still embarrassed after all that's happened? Because I'm ashamed of it! Why does this embarrass you? You aren't ashamed.
On the contrary, it pleased you to reveal yourself to one you love.
No, don't do this! You're happy to show this to Shinji, aren't you? It's a lie! No, no, I'm not! Are you sure? Or perhaps it's your father you'd like to show this to? No! Wasn't it really peace of mind that you were seeking in Kaji's bed? No! You wanted peace of mind and warmth from Kaji, then? No! You wanted to find your father in Kaji's embrace, didn't you? It's not true! It is true.
In Kaji, I had found my father reborn.
And so, I fled from him.
I was so afraid.
He was so much like my father.
But at the same time, I was also very happy.
I was never happier.
That was such a wonderful time.
That's why I hated it.
That's why I left.
So, no reason was required to begin our love, but you needed a reason for ending it? You are so kind, Kaji.
You are so kind.
I beg you Disgrace me.
Just because you hate yourself is no reason to injure yourself further.
Punishing yourself is simply a cheat to make you feel better for a little while.
Don't do this to yourself.
And now, you'll tell me to take care of myself? Men always do that.
They escape to their jobs, their own world, and leave me behind.
They always leave me behind.
Just like my father did.
They always escape from the harsh realities.
Harsh realities? I am his harsh reality.
Of course, I'm a problem, aren't I? Stop that, Misato! I despise myself! I hate myself! You're vulgar and impure.
You're pathetic.
You're disgusting! You're a dirty whore! You're disgusting! You're a dirty whore! I've never seen anyone in such a disgusting relationship! Congratulations on your promotion, Major Katsuragi! The me who is recognized is the me who's performing a role in order to be appreciated, but she's not the real me.
Your true self is always crying, isn't she? Yes, but I'm happy.
AM I HAPPY? I am happy.
AM I HAPPY? It's true, I am happy! AM I HAPPY? I'm not! This isn't the happiness I want! WHAT IS HAPPINESS? This isn't me, it's not my true self! I just don't want to face the harsh reality! But we must.
We can't live otherwise.
You'd be alone and afraid unstable if nobody was sleeping next to you.
Are you afraid of sleeping alone? Or does sleeping by yourself remind you of how empty your life is? She can't stand not having other souls around her.
So, you'll sleep with anyone, won't you? No! Yes, you just want to be infatuated with primal ecstasy.
You want to fill the hole in your heart with temporary escape.
You take advantage of men to soothe the pain in your soul.
No! No! No! JUST WHAT DOES SHE WISH FOR? Where am I? This is the me which exists in your mind, Asuka.
And yet, at the same time this is also the me which exists in your mind, isn't it, Shinji? THE CASE OF SORYU ASUKA LANGLEY (PART I) What do you want, Asuka? I want to live by myself! I don't want my papa and my momma.
I'll live by myself! And then I won't cry anymore! But I'm still crying.
Why am I still crying? I'm sorry.
I just don't like her.
What happened to you, the capable doctor? I told you, I'm a human being before I'm a doctor.
But how can a trained professional like you She acts too much like an adult and she rejects me absolutely.
Sometimes she even scares me.
Have you had such a feeling with her? No, and, in any case, you are now Asuka's mother.
That may be, but I'm your wife before that.
Both duties are concurrent.
In a social perspective, yes.
In a social perspective, yes.
But you can't quit being her father.
I can quit being her mother anytime.
Well, you could say so.
No, Momma! Don't quit being my momma! I'll be a good kid! Don't stop being my momma! Don't ignore me! No, momma! Don't kill me! Your papa hates your momma.
He doesn't need me anymore.
No, he didn't love me to begin with.
He didn't need me at all.
So, let's die together because Papa doesn't need us.
Am I a waste? Am I not worth anything? Die with me! No, I am not your doll! I'll think for myself and live by myself! Then, my momma was hanging from the ceiling.
She looked so happy.
But I hated how she looked.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to disappear.
I hate boys! I hate my papa and my momma! I hate everyone! Nobody cares about me.
Nobody stays with me! WHAT DOES SHE WISH FOR? So, I don't want to depend on anybody! But I hate it at the same time.
It's a pain! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! Don't leave me.
Don't abandon me.
Don't kill me.
What is this? This is the Instrumentality which your father is beginning.
This is it? This is part of it.
This is part of it.
You can't tell what the truth is.
You can barely tell if what you're feeling is real.
The truth is within you.
And the facts that remain in your memory are what will become your truth.
Truth can be changed from time to time.
This is all real.
This is the result of everything? This is real, but only one of the many realities.
This is the conclusion you wanted.
Wanted? Me? Yes, total destruction.
You wished for a world in which nobody would be saved.
No! I didn't wish for this! The others didn't save me.
Nobody can save you.
This is what you wished for.
Destruction, death and a return to nothingness.
You wished for these.
This is that reality.
What is reality? This is your world.
A world for yourself that exists without time, space or others.
A world in which every facet was determined by you.
This is the world where you just wait for others to give you something.
THAT IS THE REALITY This is your world no matter what.
This is the world that is! Nothing can change that! No, you made the decision.
This is the world where your mind decides what will be.
THAT IS THE REALITY Whether it is the will to survive, or a wish for death, it is all up to you.
Are you saying that this darkness, this insane world, are what I really wished to create?! Yes.
You wished for a closed world that was comfortable for you.
You wished for a closed world that was comfortable for you.
In order to protect your weakness.
To protect your few pleasures.
This is merely a result of your wish.
In your closed world, in a world where only you are allowed to be, others cannot live with you.
But still you wished to close the world that surrounds you.
Your wish ejected things you disliked, and created an isolated and lonely world.
This is the world your wishes have created, a private haven in the recesses of your mind.
This is how it ends.
It is one of many possible endings.
This is an ending you brought upon yourself.
You chose this fate.
AND THE HUMAN INSTRUMENTALITY PROJECT CONTINUES TO BE CONTINUED Preview An end always comes after a beginning.
Will our hopes result in ultimate destruction? Is our hope death itself? It's the final episode: "The Beast that Shouted "I" at the Heart of the World.
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