Nice Work (1980) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

1 Shit.
- Ugh.
- Mm.
You getting up already? Mm.
It's our day of action.
I said I'd be there by eight.
Oh, yeah.
It's ours on Wednesday.
Wholesale were pointing to a further increase - Shouldn't they be getting up? - Gary doesn't have any school today.
- Industrial action by the teachers.
- Inaction, you mean.
Lolling about in the staff room, chewing the fat.
That's not action.
It's not an industry either, come to that.
The Government's view is that current pressure on money Can I borrow your Jefferson and Romey? Mm.
If you bring it back next weekend.
There's a rather good chapter on structuralism and post structuralism you should have a look at.
- It's the bit on Russian formalism I need.
- Oh? Why's that? There was turmoil Make sure Gary does some homework today.
- Yeah.
- What about Raymond? - Doesn't he have to sign on? - No, tomorrow.
Huh.
He won't be getting up till the pubs open then, will he? - No.
- misled MPs concerning a letter to the government from British Aerospace.
Earlier in the day Hmm.
Marilyn French is speaking at the ICA next week.
Sounds interesting.
"Beyond Power - Women, Men and Morals".
Robyn, why don't we get a place together in London, and both commute? My contract requires me to live in Rummidge.
But you're only temporary, and it's always me that has to do this ghastly drive to Ipswich.
- What time will you be home? - Don't know.
Well, don't be too late.
You're overdoing it.
Somebody has to work in this family.
They can't let me go.
I'm the only member of the department who published a book last year.
- I know that, but what about the - We tried living together in Cambridge.
- What are we doing now, then? - Hm? How would you describe our relationship? Well, I'd say we were very old friends who spent most weekends together and don't sleep with anybody else.
- At least, I don't.
- Neither do I.
That's it, then.
Replying to the debate, because we faced the problem by decades of high wage settlements And he emphasised the need Cuts aren't comic! Cuts aren't comic! It's the Association of University Teachers.
- Er, it it's the name of our union.
- A union? - Oh, yes, we're a member of the TUC.
- I'll go over to the motorists.
I suppose you belong to a union yourself? Oi.
Look, get 'em Tell 'em to move on.
You're causing an obstruction to the public highway.
We're exercising our democratic rights.
Oh, I've had enough of this bloody nonsense.
I'm going to sort this bloody lot out.
- What's going on? - Sorry about this.
It's a picket of university teachers.
Look, please read the leaflet.
Fight the cuts! Fight the cuts! Come on! Save our universities! - Cuts aren't comic! Cuts aren't comic! - Fight the cuts! - I think that's Philip's car.
- Yes, it is.
We might have known.
Come on.
- It's Swallow! - Judas! Judas! Judas! Ahem.
Morning, Bob.
Er, morning, Robyn.
You're not going to cross the picket line, I hope, Philip.
I'm afraid so.
At least read the leaflet first.
Yes, I think I already know what's in the leaflet.
Feelings are running high, Philip.
I wish you'd reconsider your position.
Don't let us down, Philip.
There's a meeting of deans.
I have to attend.
- But, Philip, we must fight the cuts.
- Oh, agreed.
I just doubt the efficacy of a strike.
I mean, who will notice? - They'll notice the pickets.
- A very sticky wicket.
Oh, by the way, Robyn, could you spare me a few moments? - Well, not today.
- Oh, no, no.
- Tomorrow morning, then, perhaps? - Fine.
- Bye.
- Scab! Scab! Scab! Scab! Scab! Morning, Mr Wilcox.
Do you think they're seeing each other, then? - He's here! - Oh, God! - Morning, Mr Wilcox.
- Morning.
J Pringle and Son.
How may I help you? Oh, I don't think Mr Everthorpe's in at the moment.
Hang on.
- I'll try him for you.
- Morning, Vic.
- Morning, Shirley.
- Did you have a nice weekend? Same as any other.
Make us some coffee, will you? The kettle's on.
Here's your post.
I thought you'd like to see our Tracey's latest portfolio.
What, another one? Well, if you want to be a professional model Tell Brian Everthorpe I want to see him as soon as he arrives, will you? Right, Vic.
- All right, Charlie? - Mr Everthorpe.
Come! Morning, Vic.
Shirley said you wanted to see me.
- Just arrived? - Er, yeah.
Terrible traffic on the A454.
It's always the same on a Monday morning, ain't it? I've been looking at directors' expense accounts.
Mm-hm? - Yours is very modest, Brian.
- Thanks very much.
I didn't mean it as a compliment.
I'm sorry? I'd expect the marketing director of a company this size to spend a lot more on overnight stays.
Your mileage is pretty modest, too, isn't it? I don't know.
Is it? I'd say so.
Anything else? Yes, I've got a meeting with technical and production tomorrow morning, at 11.
I'd like you to be there.
Right.
See you there, then.
- Wilcox.
- Mr Baxter for you.
- Ah, good evening, Vic.
- How are you? - Mustn't grumble.
I've been looking They're rather disappointing.
There's always a downturn in December, Stuart, you know that.
- With the Christmas holidays.
- Even allowing for Christmas, you're well below your financial target.
Didn't you tell me you'd be out of the red by the end of '85? We haven't got the foundry on song yet.
The core-blowers keep breaking down.
You know I'd like to scrap the lot and buy a CNC automatic machine.
It's a waste of money investing in that foundry.
Take my word for it.
You'd be far better off buying in.
It's got potential.
They do nice work.
But it's not just the foundry.
I'm working on a new production model for the whole factory.
New stock control, new purchasing policy.
Everything on computer.
But it takes time Well time's at a premium, Vic.
- Oh, come on, Stuart.
- Well, the board's becoming impatient.
For Christ's sake, Stuart, I've only been running this company for nine months.
Well, nine months is a long time in this industry, Vic.
Shirley.
Shirley! And the markets are bracing - sooner rather than later - Morning, Dr Penrose.
- if sterling comes under heavy pressure.
Today, sterling closed down It was mixed against other currencies, leaving its average value I mean, he can't live with me and I can't live with him.
But I don't understand why he's like that.
He's got no reason.
- I try and work - There she is now.
I'll go and catch her now, OK? - I'll see you later.
- All right.
- Marion! - Hi.
Did you have a good holiday? - Yes - I've got to go.
Back in a minute.
- Just wait - OK.
- So, what time are we gonna meet? - Robyn.
Can I see you about my assessed essay, please? Hello, Robyn.
Recovered from yesterday? - What? - Recovered from yesterday? Oh! Yes.
Erm Right, in about five minutes.
- Look, could you take my bag? - Yeah.
- I'll see you outside my office.
- OK, fine.
- If that was here - Hello! - Come in.
- The bill was over £200.
I don't care how much it is, I'm not paying it.
- Everybody's got a share - All right - He has done more than anyone else.
- Yes, I know.
But, I mean, it's no good him going on about What do you mean, he's got this wrong? Hm.
I don't suppose you happen to know what "virement" means, do you? Er, what's the context? Mm? Oh, er Ahem.
- V-l-R-E - No, no, the context.
Oh, well, er, this is a paper circulated to all, er, principals and deans.
"At present, resources are allocated to each department "for separate heads of expenditure without the possibility of virement.
" I'm afraid I've never come across the word.
Ah.
Neither had I, before the cuts.
Then, suddenly, it started appearing everywhere.
UGC circulars, working party reports, committee papers.
Heh.
The VC is particularly fond of it.
It's not in the Shorter Oxford.
It's not in any of my dictionaries.
Well, why don't you ask whoever wrote the document? - What, the bursar? - Yes.
I can't possibly ask him.
I've been sitting on committees with the bursar for months, solemnly discussing virement.
I can't admit now that I haven't a clue what it means.
Look, er, Robyn.
As you know, your present appointment here is a temporary one.
- Yes.
- For three years only, and you are now a third of the way through your, er, second year.
Yes.
Yes We We should, of course, be extremely sorry to lose you.
You have been a tremendous asset to the department in the short time that you've been here.
Uh, uh, uh, I really mean that.
Thank you.
But? But? I I had the feeling you were going to say something beginning with "but".
Oh, ah, yes, erm But, I I just wanted to say that I we shouldn't at all blame you if you were to start, er, applying now for jobs at other universities.
- There aren't any jobs.
- Not at this moment in time, perhaps, but if something should be advertised in the next few months, then you shouldn't feel bound to serve out the third year of your contract.
What you mean is there's absolutely no chance of my being kept on when the three years are up.
Well, none at all, as far as I can see.
You see, each each post is frozen as soon as it becomes vacant.
Sorry.
Oh, it's no fun at all being Dean of Faculty these days.
All you do is give people bad news.
And, as Shakespeare observed, "The nature of bad news infects the teller.
" "When it concerns the fool or the coward.
" Would you believe the biggest grouse in the '60s was the noise of construction work on campus? I suppose it's like the big bang theory of the universe.
At a certain point in time, it'll stop expanding and go into reverse.
While expensively trained scholars go on the dole.
Quite.
A black hole.
Very good.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got a student.
No, no.
Of course, of course.
- Was it hot, though? - No, not really that hot.
Sunny.
It was sunny.
Something important, was it? Oh, no.
No, nothing important.
- Hello, Bob.
- Oh, hello.
- Is Philip Swallow going deaf? - Oh yes, poor old Philip.
It's high frequency deafness.
He can't hear consonants.
Has to guess what you say from the vowels.
It makes communication a hit-or-miss affair.
- Symbolic of our plight.
- Absolutely.
- See you at the Agenda Committee.
- Yeah.
Come in, Marion.
- I don't see what else I can do.
- Fair enough.
Well, we can only do what we can do.
Well, I'm glad you've got this place in hall.
I think that'll help a lot, er, for the moment.
But, er, in the meantime, what are we going to do about this essay of yours? Erm, you know, what what do you need? Well, I just need a bit of time, really.
All right, Marion, er I'll give you a week's extension.
Oh, thanks, Robyn! Things should be better this term.
I've got a new job.
- More pay, less hours.
- Fewer hours.
- Fewer hours.
- What job's that? Oh, it's sort of modelling.
I hope you know what you're doing.
Oh, it's all above board.
Really.
Well, what do you model? Well, I suppose I suppose you'd call it underwear.
Oh, Marion.
I need the money, Robyn.
The pub job was taking up too much time.
Well, what can I do if my dad won't make up my grant? It's not fair.
I know the feeling.
I'll give you two weeks.
Oh, thanks, Robyn.
In the 1840s and '50s, a number of novels were published in England that are called industrial novels.
Now, this is because they dealt with the social and the economic problems that arose out of the Industrial Revolution.
Now, Mr Gradgrind in Dickens' Hard Times personifies the spirit of industrial capitalism.
He despises emotion, he despises imagination, and values only facts.
Does anybody know how many different products this company made last year? That's 900 too many, in my opinion.
We're producing too many different things in short runs.
We're still making pump housings, starter housings and bell-cranks for cars that were made in the '50s and '60s, not to mention cast-iron radiator fittings and boiler fittings.
Now we're not in the veteran car market or industrial archaeology.
- Professor Swallow.
- Mm? Sign these.
That one's urgent.
Oh, and the Vice-Chancellor's office rang to ask for your nomination for the Industry Year Shadow Scheme.
What in God's name is that? Oh, I don't know.
You should have had a memo weeks ago.
- Nominations were due last Wednesday.
- Er, er Oh! Just think for a minute of the industrial landscape portrayed in 19th-century fiction.
All those phallic chimneys thrusting into the sky, buildings shaking with the rhythmic pounding of mighty engines, or railway engines rushing irresistibly through a passive landscape.
All this imagery is saturated with male sexuality of a dominating and destructive kind.
Well, the train in Dombey and Son, for instance.
"The power that forced itself upon its iron way" Ah, this is it.
Who would have thought there'd be anything important in this pathetic looking object? Sometimes I think the VC takes his economy drive too far.
"To all Deans of Faculties.
"As you are no doubt aware, 1986 has been designated Industry Year.
"It is very important that the university should seize this opportunity "to demonstrate that it is not an ivory tower" "indifferent to commerce.
"A working party set up last year recommended "that each faculty should nominate a member of staff "to shadow a senior executive in local industry.
" Oh God, it all comes back like a bad dream.
I was on that working party.
Wasn't I? Pamela! We have to rationalise.
Offer a small range of standard products at competitive prices.
- Tom? - Well, I must admit it takes twice as long to make old Morris housings as to make any current version.
Ah, and we always have the problem refurbishing the old moulds.
- Well, they're shot, most of 'em.
- That's right they're like Excuse me, Fred.
What about the customers who've been coming to us for years with specialised requirements? Let them pay through the nose or go elsewhere.
But the small orders bring in the big 'uns, and we have to carry some stock to support 'em.
I don't believe that, Brian.
It's a question of who's going to carry the biggest inventory, them or us? You can't have all cream.
Any buyer'll tell you that.
You've got to take the bad with the good.
A shadow, as the name implies, is someone who follows another person around all day as he goes about his normal work.
A regular visit of one day a week throughout the winter term would suffice.
Ahem.
Well, what about it, Rupert? Hm? Not my cup of tea, I'm afraid.
Cup of pee.
Very good, Rupert.
Yes.
Cup of tea.
I said not my cup of tea.
Er, tea! - Er, what about you, Bob? - Sorry, Philip.
No, with all the AUT business over the strike, it's quite impossible.
I really ought to be able to order one of you two to do this.
But you can't.
Not without holding a department meeting to discuss it.
I know.
There isn't time.
- Why not ask Robyn Penrose? - Robyn? Good idea.
After all, she's just written a book on the Victorian industrial novel.
Yes, it's hardly the same thing, is it? Well, anyway, why should she, seeing as she's only temporary? Well, she's going to need a reference, isn't she? Oh, well, now, that's a thought.
Yes.
Hm.
For women novelists, therefore, industry had a complex fascination.
On the conscious level it was the Other, the alien, the male world of work, in which they had no place.
But on the unconscious level, it was what they desired to heal their own castration, their own sense of lack.
Caroline Helstone, in Charlotte Brontë's Shirley, for instance, is pining for love for the rather abrasive mill owner Robert Moore partly because, er, her own life of genteel tea-parties and sewing circles is so trivial and repressed.
Excuse me.
It's the same problem as set-up overheads and production time, isn't it? That's right.
80 per cent of the inventory supports 20 per cent of the sales.
It's a classic Pareto case.
Pareto's all right if you believe in it.
But you can Pareto yourself out of business.
You end up making one job, one day a week.
Nobody would be daft enough to do that, Brian, and you know it.
I'm talking about goodwill.
Pringle's have got a slogan.
Yes, I know.
"If it can be made, we'll make it".
Well, I'm proposing a new slogan.
"If it pays, we'll make it".
We see the ambiguous appeal of industry to the feminine unconscious even more clearly in a passage from Mrs Gaskell's North and South.
Or we would do, if I could find the place.
Here we are.
Now, this is a passage where the genteel heroine Margaret has been taken to task by her mother for using industrial slang.
To which Margaret says, "Well, if I live in a factory town, I must speak factory language when I want it.
"Why, Mama, I could astonish you" "with a great many words you never heard in your life.
" "I don't believe you know what a knobstick is.
" "I only know it has a very vulgar sound, and I don't want to hear you using it.
" I think we all know what a knobstick is.
Ah, Robyn, well met.
Could you could you spare me a moment? Well, I was going for a game of squash.
It won't take long, only something rather urgent has just cropped up.
- Oh? - Yes, I I think you could be the very person that the VC is, er, looking for.
- The VC? - Mm.
Shall we, er Are you familiar with the term, er, "shadow", applied to a person, that is? Wilcox.
You've heard about Industry Year, I suppose, Vic? What about it? Well, the idea is some lecturer from the university shadows one of our executives.
- We want to put your name forward.
- No way.
Why not? I don't want some academic berk following me about.
Well, it's only one day a week, Vic.
Why me, anyway? Because it's good PR for the group, and you are our most dynamic MD.
- I'll think about it.
- I'm sorry, Vic, I've got to tie it up now.
I'm meeting the chairman at a function tonight.
To tell you the truth, we're a bit late.
A letter got lost.
What about that automatic core-blower? - Stuart, I said what about that automatic - Yes, I heard what you said.
Send me a capex, I'll run it up the flagpole.
Thanks.
Will do.
- And the other? - Oh, all right.
Great.
Well your shadow's a a Dr Robyn Penrose.
He'll come to the factory every week, er, starting this Wednesday.
A medic? Well, as far as I understand it, he's a lecturer in English literature.
- What? - You read any good books lately, Vic? Stuart! Jesus wept.
Oh, God.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me if this is Wragley Street? All the road signs round here seem to have been vandalised.
Dunno.
Do you mean to say that you don't know the name of the street your own garage is in? I just work here.
Well, d'you know a factory called Pringle's? Pringle's? I can take you there.
No, if you just show me where I am on this map No, no, I'll take you there, it's my pleasure.
Just let me settle up with Ali Baba here first.
- Pump number four, son.
- I couldn't put you to that trouble.
Oh, no, no, it's no trouble.
I'm going there myself.
I work there as a matter of fact.
Er, Brian Everthorpe, Marketing Director.
"Riviera sunbeds.
Daily and weekly rental.
" Oops, sorry, somebody else's card got mixed up with mine.
Here we are.
Nice little business, this, actually.
Er, I do know the people.
I could fix you up with a nice little discount if you're, er, interested.
No, thank you.
Right, son.
Superpiss? Made in Finland? - What's that for, then? - Car lock de-icer.
I'd rather use my own.
It's free, and always on tap, ain't it? Could we get on? My appointment was ten minutes ago.
Yeah.
Right.
Come on, then.
Who are you seeing there, then? Er, Mr Wilcox.
- Vic Wilcox? - Yes.
Hey, you ain't Wilcox's new shadow, are you? Yes, I am, actually.
Could we get on? Yeah! I have to warn you, our Vic's a bit of a stickler about time-keeping, actually.
Mr New Broom and all that, if you know what I mean.
- Really? - Yeah, that's my Granada there.
Just get on my tail and stick to it, as the bee said to the pollen.
Regarding your request for a quotation for steering boxes - Yes? What is it, Brian? - Your shadow's arrived, Vic.
He's late.
She, you mean.
What? Robyn Penrose is a bird! Robyn! Oh, it can be a girl's name, can't it? Only they spell it with a Y, sort of thing.
Stuart Baxter said nothing about a woman.
And very tasty she is and all, I can tell you that much.
I'm going to have a look.
Oops a daisy! Hmm.
Not a bad-looking wench, I suppose, if you like that type.
- Oops! - What do you think you're doing? Ssh.
It's a little dodge of your predecessor's.
He liked to look over his visitors before a meeting.
- You can see into reception from there? - Ssh.
Yeah.
Ssh.
- Well, come on, have a dekko.
- Get away.
- No, come on, she's a cracker.
- Come on, Vic.
- I met her in the garage.
- Did you? - Yeah, yeah.
I think she fancied me.
- Go on! No, I'm serious.
Well, go on.
Have a dekko.
- I've seen her before.
- Have you? - Where? - On a bloody picket line.
A picket line? I couldn't mistake that outfit.
Designer industrial action.
Well, show her in, then.
Dr Robyn Penrose.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I'm afraid I got lost.
Oh? Well I've never been to this part of Rummidge before.
I thought perhaps you were on another demo.
I'm sorry? Didn't I see you outside the university on Monday? Yes, you probably did.
- Smoke? - No thanks.
What were you protesting about? Pay? Pay and the cuts.
Mm.
You want more money and no cuts.
That's right.
Think the country can afford it? Certainly.
If we spent less on defence - and more on things that matter - This company makes gearbox casings for Challenger tanks and con-rods for armoured personnel carriers.
Now if those contracts were cancelled, your cuts would become ours.
Well, you could make something else.
Something peaceful.
Like what? I can't tell you what to make.
It's not my business.
No, it's mine.
Do you know much about business? Nothing at all.
But isn't that supposed to be the point? - The point? - Well, of the shadow scheme.
I'm buggered if I know what the point is.
It's just a PR stunt, if you ask me.
Well, I suppose I'd better show you round the estate.
Just give me a minute, will you? Aren't I supposed to follow you everywhere? No, I don't think so.
Shirley will show you where the ladies is.
Oh.
- Do you have many strikes here? - Not any more.
The men look around this area, they see the factories that have closed down in the past few years.
You mean, they're afraid to strike? A strike would plunge us deep into the red.
The division could shut us down.
What? I said the division could shut us down.
Who's the division? The Engineering and Foundry Division of Midland Amalgamated.
They own us.
I thought JR Pringle and Sons were the owners.
Oh, no, the Pringle family got out years ago.
Took the money and ran, when the going was good.
The company's been bought and sold twice since then.
This is the machine shop.
And this is our one and only CNC machine.
What's that? Computer numerically controlled.
See how quickly it changes tools? What's it doing? Machining transmission cases.
Beautiful, isn't it? It's not the word I'd use.
One day, there'll be lightless factories full of machines like that.
Why lightless? Machines don't need light.
Machines are blind.
You see, once you've built up a completely computerised factory, you can take out the lights, shut the doors, and leave it to make engines or vacuum cleaners or whatever, all on its own.
- What a creepy idea.
- What's creepy about that? What about the managing director, will he be a computer too, sitting in a dark office? No, there'll always have to be at least one man in charge making the decisions.
Oh, brave new world where only the managing directors have jobs.
Right.
We'll go and have a look down here now.
And mind your step.
- What's this place? - The foundry.
- Well, what's it for? - You don't know what a foundry is? I've never needed to.
I don't suppose you know much about metaphor and metonymy, do you? No, I don't.
Oi, Mustifa! There's a clag up over 'ere.
See to it, will ya? A foundry is where you melt down iron or other metal in a cupola.
Now, that's a cupola there, you see? Then you pour the molten metal into moulds to make castings on a flow line.
Come on, we'll go and have a look at one.
This is our newest machine.
Hallsworth semi-automatic moulding line.
Only installed a few months ago.
- It doesn't look very new.
- It's second-hand.
Got it for a song from an asset-stripper in Sunderland.
It makes turbo housings and manifolds.
This one's manual.
It makes commercial brake drums.
It seems quieter than the other machines.
It isn't going yet.
Hey.
What's the problem? The fookin' belt's jammed.
The fitter's workin' on it.
- Watch your language, lady present.
- Aah! And this is the knockout.
When the castings have cooled, we mill and grind them in the machine shop and bore holes in them, so they they can be assembled into more complex products, like engines.
- Are you with me? - I think so.
When does this frightful noise stop? At the end of the shift.
Come on.
This is one of the machines which makes cores.
They're made of sand and resin, and we put them inside the moulds before the molten metal is poured in.
- Couldn't that be done automatically? - Yeah.
At a cost.
But if it saved somebody from having to do such a boring, alienating job You think he'd rather be made redundant? You can't have it both ways, you know.
How would you like to lose your job? That's different It's nice work.
It's meaningful, it's rewarding.
- Not like this.
- Come on.
So, what did you make of it all? I thought it was appalling.
The noise and the dirt.
Factories are dirty places.
Metal is noisy stuff to work with.
What did you expect? Not that men would still be working in such such brutalising conditions.
I mean, women, too.
It was like something out of a 19th-century novel.
I thought you were all for equality? Not equality of oppression.
What do you mean, oppression? We don't force people to work here, you know.
Why are there more black people in the foundry than in the other part? Foundry work is heavy work, dirty work.
They're willing to do it.
The locals aren't any more.
I've no complaints.
It's like poetry when the Asians are working well.
Mind you, they have to be handled carefully.
They stick together.
If one walks out, they all walk out.
It seems to me the whole set-up is racist.
- Rubbish! - Why aren't they eating in here, then? There aren't any operatives in here, white or black, because they'd have to take their overalls off and they can't be bothered.
You don't want to get sentimental about the workers, you know.
Last November we put new toilets in the fettling shop.
In two weeks, they were all vandalised.
Disgusting, it was.
Perhaps it was a form of revenge.
Against me? For giving them new toilets? Against the system, the factory system.
It's unconscious.
The return of the repressed.
Oh, yeah? Who says? Freud, for one.
Sigmund Freud, the inventor of psychoanalysis? Yes, I know who you mean.
Said everything came down to sex, didn't he? Well, the early Freud certainly thought that libido was the prime mover of human behaviour.
Later, he came to think the death instinct was more important.
The death instinct? What's that? It's rather difficult to explain.
Basically, it's the idea that unconsciously we all long for death, for non-being, because being is so painful.
Yeah.
I often feel like that when I wake at five o'clock in the morning.
But I snap out of it when I have to get up.
Well my students are more interested in ideas and in emotions than in machinery.
Won't pay the rent though, will they? Ideas, emotions? - All right, Vic.
- Well, is money the only criterion? Well, I don't know a better one.
What about happiness? - What? - Happiness.
Wisdom.
Personal fulfilment.
Won't pay the rent either.
I'll have a word with him.
Oh, wotcher, Vic! We were expecting you down the Man in the Moon.
But no doubt you had a nice luncheon somewhere else, a bit more upmarket, eh? - We ate in the canteen.
- Urgh! - You never took her down that hole? - It's clean and it's good value.
- Did you want to see me? - If you've got a minute.
Now, I've been thinking that we need a calendar.
You know, something to give the customers at the end of the year.
- Now's the time to plan it.
- What kind of calendar? The usual sort.
Birds with boobs.
No, tasteful, though, do you know what I mean? Be like the Pirelli jobs.
They're collectors' items, they are.
- Pirelli? - Ah, relax.
I weren't thinking of hiring the Earl of Lichfield.
But there is a way we can get it done cheap.
Now, er, Shirley's got a daughter who does modelling.
- Wants to do it, you mean.
- Now, come on Vic, be fair.
Come on, Tracey's got what it takes, you know.
Take a look at them.
Oh, I've seen those pictures before.
Looks like a double helping of blancmange, and about as exciting.
- Did Shirley put you up to this? - No, it was my idea.
- Mind you, Shirley's all for it, though.
- I bet she is.
Now, I belong to this photographic club, see Excuse me.
Yeah? Do I understand that you are proposing to, er, advertise your products with a calendar that degrades women? It won't degrade 'em, it'll erm, well Celebrate them? Exactly.
Celebrate 'em.
So What about the women who work where these calendars are hung up? Aren't they entitled to some celebration of men? I know, perhaps you could pose with Tracey.
Listen.
Women ain't like that.
They ain't interested in pictures of naked blokes.
I am.
I like them with hairy chests and ten-inch pricks.
You're shocked, aren't you? But you think it's perfectly all right to talk about women as birds with boobs and stick indecent pictures of them all over the place.
- Now, look - Well, it's not.
It degrades the women who pose for them, it degrades the men who look at them, it degrades sex.
This is all very interesting, but I've got a meeting in here in five minutes.
All right.
I'll talk to you about it later.
When your guardian angel, or your shadow, or whatever she is, will let me get a word in edgewise.
- I'm afraid it's a non-starter, Brian.
- Really? Stuart Baxter don't seem to think so.
I don't give a monkey's what Stuart Baxter thinks.
This is a company matter.
You could have all the pin-ups banned from this factory, you know.
Yes, I could if I was daft.
All I need is a wildcat strike over pin-ups.
Now, if you don't mind, I've got to get ready for this meeting.
The core setting's OK, and there's no problem with the pouring dishes.
There's been a few cold shuts, but the ingates are OK.
Most of the scrap comes from what looks like nitrogen pinholing, right, Fred? Yeah, it could be.
Then again, it could be from the moulding sand.
You know bloody well it's not my problem, Fred.
It's yours.
We've had broken cores, friable ones, thin ones, under-cured, the lot.
Well, I'll admit we've had some problems.
Last week, no, I tell a lie, the week before, we had to scrap 20 per cent of the batch one day.
Well, ten per cent, any road.
Well it's the operator's fault, in't it, not mine? Well, I I mean, he's he's just not up to the job.
- What's his name? - They call him, er, Danny.
Danny Ram.
He he's an Indian.
Well, let's get rid of him, then.
He's causing a bottleneck.
Tom, see to it, will you? We haven't got a basis to fire him.
Rubbish.
He's been trained, hasn't he? - I'm not sure.
- Well, check it out.
If he hasn't, train him, quick, even if he can't grasp it.
Then each time he fails to set the machine properly, you give him a warning.
On the third warning, he's fired.
Shouldn't take more than a fortnight.
All right? Right.
Good.
Now the next question is quality control in the machine shop.
- Now, I've got a few figures here - Excuse me.
Yes, what is it? Do I understand that you are proposing to pressure a man into making mistakes so that you can sack him? I don't think it's any of your business, Dr Penrose.
Oh, but it is.
It's the business of anybody who cares about truth and justice.
Well, don't you see how wrong it is? I mean, to trick this man into losing his job? I think you've got the wrong idea about your position here.
I must ask you to keep quiet, or leave the meeting.
Very well, then.
I'll leave.
Now, erm where was I? Quality control in the machine shop.
Come in! Oi! Oi! Who are you looking for, sunshine? Um, I'm I'm looking for a Danny Ram, actually.
Nah, I don't know him.
Listen, what are you doing tonight? - What? - I get I get off in about an hour.
What's the matter? Hey! Come on! - Uh! - Careful! I'm sorry.
Do you know a Danny Ram? - Who? - He's an Asian, I think.
He works here.
Danny Ram.
- I can't hear you, love.
- It doesn't matter.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Do you know Danny Ram? - Yeah.
- Do you know where he works? Yeah, he works in the core shop, over there.
Oh, thanks! Excuse me.
Can you tell me if Danny Ram works round here? - Ah, he's just over there.
- Over there? - Yeah.
- Right.
Thanks.
Mr Ram? Mr Ram? I've got something important to tell you.
Yes? They're going to try and sack you.
What? Your bosses.
They're going to keep finding fault with your work, and and then give you warnings, so that they can sack you.
- Do you understand? - Sack me? Yes.
Don't tell anybody I told you, all right? Wait! - Who are you? - It it doesn't matter who I am.
Um, I'm a shadow.
Ooh, busy tonight, bab.
Sorry I had to bring that business about the moulding sand, but Well, no hard feelings, eh? Yeah, we've been given a bit of crap from you.
- Good night, Tom.
- Can you sign those before you go, Vic? - All right, Shirley.
- I understand the difficulties.
Yeah.
Now give it some thought.
I suppose it's a bit outdated, I suppose, but there you are, you know.
What's the problem? I don't know.
Probably a flat battery.
- Let's have a look.
- No, please don't bother.
- I'll call the AA.
- You could wait hours.
- Why did you buy a French car? - I didn't.
My mother gave it to me when she changed hers.
If everybody who bought a foreign car in the last ten years had bought a British one instead, there wouldn't be 17 per cent unemployment in this area.
Get in.
Didn't Thatcher have something to do with it? She got rid of overmanning, restrictive practices.
Perhaps she overdid it, but it had to be done.
Try it.
Thanks very much.
- What was it? - Loose lead.
Well, thanks again.
Look, er, sorry if I was a bit sharp at the meeting just now.
That's all right.
Only sometimes you have to do things that look a bit dodgy for the good of the company, you know.
Yes, well, I don't think we'd ever agree about that, but, er, this is hardly the time or the place.
No.
Well, I'll see you next Wednesday, then.
Vic! Vic! What the bloody hell's going on? You're wanted in the foundry.
There's been a walkout.
Let's go! Come on!