No Good Deed (2024) s01e01 Episode Script

1
["Mama, I'm Coming Home"
by Ozzy Osbourne playing]
Times have changed
And times are strange ♪
Here I come, but I ain't the same ♪
Mama, I'm comin' home ♪
Times go by, seems to be ♪
You could have been
A better friend to me ♪
Mama, I'm comin' home ♪
I'm comin' home ♪
Oh wow!
Oh! Look at these details.
[man 1] The windows.
[woman 1] I'm blown away.
Shit, Barry,
I think this is the original fireplace.
- Ah! Someone's got a good eye.
- [woman 1 chuckles]
The owner restored it himself.
- [Barry] Wow.
- [agent] Yeah.
He's a contractor,
so he did all the work on the house.
- Plumbing, electrical, everything.
- [woman 1] This one
[man 2] They look like a smart couple.
Yeah. I mean, I've never been a fan
of an indoor scarf.
- But
- Mm.
Ooh! Now, does this piano come
with the house?
Oh, no. The wife played
for the Philharmonic. Icon.
- She'll be buried in that thing.
- [woman 2] Oh.
Did she die?
Because you have to disclose that.
Ooh, I would if I could,
but the thing is, I can't,
because she's very much alive
and very motivated to sell.
It is so strange to finally be inside.
How many times
have we walked past this house?
So many times.
- It's somehow even prettier inside.
- Yeah.
And, babe, did you see these arches?
Do we not have these exact arches
on our vision board?
Oh, now you're into the vision board.
I mean, we have been looking
for two years,
and the house that we're obsessed with
finally pops up?
- I mean, this feels beshert.
- Mmm. Yeah, it does.
It's just such a family house,
don't you think?
[sighs] Just because we don't have kids
does not mean we're not a family.
No, I know that.
I didn't mean it like that.
I think it's gorgeous. It's just
[woman 3] Have you seen upstairs?
It's, like, a little darker
than I was expecting.
Okay. I I think it's just
a time of day thing.
No, I meant, like, the vibe, like
It's kind of like a dark vibe.
Is it possible that you're pickin' up
on your own vibe?
Because you're kind of bein'
a Negative Nance.
Ah!
[quirky, intriguing music playing]
I would've killed to live
in a place like this when I was a kid.
I'd kill a man dead right now
if he had a million dollars in his pocket.
- We'd need it if we try to buy this place.
- I know, I know, I know.
- But just leap, and the net will appear.
- Oh my gosh. Look at these wood beams.
They're original to the house, babe.
You can tell--
No, you can tell because you're smart,
'cause you're my sexy little architect.
Mmm. Oof.
I don't feel so little
or so sexy right now.
Are you kidding me?
Have you seen yourself?
Do you have any idea how perfect you are?
No.
But you can take this opportunity
to tell me.
[both laughing]
[woman 3] Do you two ever quit it?
I mean, you're making
everyone uncomfortable.
We're newlyweds, Ma.
We're supposed to be lovey-dovey.
You're also supposed
to invite your mother to your wedding,
but I suppose
that "supposed to" didn't count.
We didn't have a wedding.
It seemed like a crazy amount of money
to spend on a party.
Who needs a party?
You do. You love parties.
You've been dreaming about
your wedding your entire life.
Remember?
You wanted 98 Degrees
to sing you down the aisle.
- Well, who wouldn't?
- You wanted what?
- Huh?
- Oh
[loud whisper] I recognize him.
- Okay. Mom, don't say anything. Don't--
- [clattering]
Oh, I'm sorry.
- [John] Oh, sorry. I was just checking--
- No, no. You're fine.
- But I couldn't help but notice
- [John] Huh?
You look like the actor
from the soap opera Rising Tides.
- Uh, hey. How you doin'?
- Are you the shady handyman?
- Yeah, I played Devon, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Devon. Yes, Devon.
- Devon, you trying to buy this house?
- Oh, no, no, I'm just browsing.
I love the old Hollywood Spanish style.
- You know?
- [mother] Oh!
- I love Rising Tides.
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah?
- That's my favorite story.
I appreciate that. It means a lot.
- Thank you. Yeah.
- Yeah. Until they killed you off.
Baby, they put a hammer to his head.
He cheated on the stepdaughter,
and you know what? He didn't deserve her.
On your stepdaughter?
Yeah. Well, it was for the best, you know,
story-wise, and, uh, well, I've moved on.
- Uh-huh. So what you on now?
- Yeah. But I'm sorry.
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Currently?
- Yes.
I'm on kind of a self-imposed hiatus,
but there is somethin' I'm lookin' at.
I probably shouldn't talk about it.
- It's a supersecret project.
- [mother] Oh!
- [John] Uh, it was good talking to you.
- Ooh! Okay.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- You take care now.
- Mm-hmm! You too, Devon.
- [gasps]
- Look at that light.
- Gorgeous.
- Oh my gosh.
That's really nice. Is this, like
- What's in here?
- And this?
[tense music playing]
[theme music playing]
[whispered conversations]
Well, if it isn't everyone's favorite
Lookie Louise.
- Hello, Craig.
- It's Greg.
I know. I thought we were making up names.
- Hmm.
- Piano's out of tune.
Oh. I'll let the seller know.
Mmm. You should do that.
[woman 2] Look at Margo.
Sunglasses and that purse.
She looks like an AI-generated bitch.
But do you like Margo?
'Cause I can't tell.
Ha ha. I can tell. she is thrilled
to see inside the house. Judge us.
Her nipples are probably so hard.
- Oh. No. They're not.
- Aw.
Who cares what Margo thinks anyway?
Fuck Margo.
Yeah, fuck Margo.
Unless she wants to pay cash.
Then I'm happy to bend over
and take that cash right in the ass.
- Okay. I know you're kidding.
- Uh, I'm half kidding.
But I will burn this place to the ground
if we sell to someone like her.
She does not deserve this house.
Okay. Okay. We're gettin' emotional.
Because it's emotional, Paul.
Okay? All my memories are here.
Yeah, I know. I know.
- But, hey, I grew up here. So
- Since you were eight.
Yeah. But I mean, technically,
more of my memories are here.
And a lot of 'em suck.
Yes. I know.
It just it still feels like
lobbing an appendage off.
Well, we we have to amputate.
We we've waited long enough.
[woman 2] What about my garden?
You know, and the mandarin tree
that the kids and I planted.
It's persnickety if it's not pruned.
So, you leave instructions
for the next family.
Let them deal with the fuckin' water bill.
Why is everything about money with you?
Because we don't have any, Lydia.
Huh? The second mortgage fucked us.
And I'm trying, but I can only do so much.
I'm sorry. Yeah, I am.
I really am sorry it's all on you.
I would work if I could.
I would. But
Okay? I can't. [sniffles]
[sighs] I know.
I know, I know.
Listen, I know you can't.
- Yeah.
- I know. Come on.
If
if we get a bidding war going,
then we can build our own place
in Cambria.
Huh?
Nice little ranch,
with with nice little horses.
[Lydia] Mm-hmm.
How little? Like
Oh. Microscopic.
Undetectable to the human eye.
Hmm. Okay. Well, that would be adorable.
Yeah. And and maybe,
with the sea air in your hair,
and and a change of scenery,
you'll be able to play again.
Hmm? I miss hearing you play.
[poignant piano music playing]
Okay.
But can we just make sure
we find the right buyers
who get how special this house is?
How special you made it?
Yeah. Of course.
Huh? Oh, look. They look like nice people.
Yeah. Well, Ted Bundy looked nice.
But maybe we go down and meet them.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Lydia] Come on, Paul.
Let's go downstairs.
No. Don't go out there.
- What?
- Nothing.
I'm gonna tell the realtor
we wanna make an offer.
Babe, can we please
talk about this first? Like
I need to take time to process
before we spend our entire nest egg.
Totally. But what else
are we supposed to spend that money on?
We're not doing any more IVF, right?
I mean, that alone frees up,
like, a gajillion dollars.
Right.
Okay. Listen. I just think that we could
totally change, like, the vibe in there.
- You know?
- Yeah. But
Do we even know
if the street is safe? Like, at night?
Uh, this street? This street?
- Questionable.
- You think it looks
This looks like a dangerous spot?
No. The vibes change immediately.
Sun goes down, different street.
Okay. All right. I'll come back.
I'll drive around. I'll do
I'll do my loops. I'll do my night loops.
Remember those break-ins
a couple years ago? Someone got shot?
I don't, because I don't
obsessively check the Citizen app.
I don't obsessively check it.
Okay. I'm just saying it's LA, babe.
Okay? We don't need to know
every time some nutter-butter
steals a catalytic converter.
I think, if it was
your catalytic converter,
you would wanna know.
I would def I don't like when anyone
touches my catalytic converter.
- Exactly. And then you would--
- Except you. [chuckles]
[woman 4] Is this foreplay?
[woman 5] I got a lot
where that came from.
[music fades]
[softly] Okay.
[footsteps echoing]
[children's laughter echoing]
- [girl] Tag!
- [poignant piano music playing]
Tag!
Tag! [giggling]
Mommy, help me!
[girl] I got him!
[line ringing]
Yo, it's Jacob.
Leave a message
or text me like a normal person.
[bleep]
Hi, honeybun.
I just wanted to hear your voice.
[power saw grinding]
Hey. Careful with that.
Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
Hey. [gasps]
Hi. What, uh
what are you doing here?
That's my warm reception
after all this time?
[mysterious music playing]
I thought you might be happy to see me.
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I am.
I'm just a little surprised. That's all.
I didn't, uh realize you were out.
[sighs]
Want a water? Somethin'?
That's got a hint of hibiscus.
The fuck is hibiscus?
I don't know. It's a fruit.
- Why is there a flower on the label?
- It's, uh, an essence.
- Fuck is an essence?
- I don't know.
[sighs]
So?
How you been? How was prison?
Make any nice friends?
Nah. Most of the other white guys
were skinheads,
so I spent the bulk of my time in my cell,
which you would have known
if you ever came to visit me.
Yeah, well been a little busy.
For three years?
Oh. Been three years. Wow.
Huh, you look up and 36 months just flies.
Listen, I need $80,000.
[laughs] Okay. Wow.
Uh, that's a lot of money.
Seems like a good time
to find a job, then.
I need it by tomorrow.
Yeah. Me too.
Hey, you think it's easy,
gettin' a job straight out of the joint?
Think people are hirin' ex-cons
just all willy-nilly?
- No, no. Maybe not willy-nilly.
- Listen, asshole.
I helped you when you needed it most,
and I paid the fucking price.
All right. You went to prison for drugs.
That's your problem, not mine.
Listen, man.
[sighs heavily]
- I'm asking you to help me, all right?
- I'm telling you, I don't have it.
- I'm broke.
- Bullshit! I saw the fuckin' house.
I I fixed it up so we could sell it.
That's all money I owe now.
Be a shame, people find out
what really happened in that house.
[scoffs] What, you think
you can scare me, Mikey?
[chuckles]
[screams] Ow! Motherfucker!
[groaning]
- [Mikey] Eighty grand.
- Ah! Oh!
- Tomorrow. Or I tell the cops everything.
- Oh!
[whimpering] Oh God! Oh!
Oh! Oh God! Ah!
Oh!
[dramatic music playing]
[breathing shakily]
[groans]
[screams]
[dramatic music intensifies]
[loud whooshing]
[splashing]
[music fades]
[mother] I gotta say,
this is a beautiful street.
Right? That's the kind of house
you wanna raise a kid in.
[mother] We didn't have
no houses like that in Bed-Stuy.
And even if we did,
we couldn't afford half of it.
Even before your daddy died.
I know, Mama. I know.
It didn't matter where we lived.
You were my home.
And now I'm lucky
if I see you twice a year.
Oh, come on, Mama.
[both chuckle]
You sure you're not bitin' off
more than you can chew with this place?
Oh, I can chew it. I'm chewin' it. Really.
I got money saved up from my last novel.
And Carla's she's killin' it.
She's workin' her ass off, so
Okay. Until the baby comes,
and then she has to stay home.
Mama, she's not gonna stay home. She
[laughs] It's not 1964, all right?
You know, did Beyoncé stay home?
You got Jay-Z money?
Huh? No, not not yet. But we're--
Look, we're gonna get a nanny.
Or somethin'. Okay?
- We gonna figure it out.
- That's not cheap either.
And God forbid if somethin' happens,
like you need a new roof.
What? That's $50,000 right there.
- 50,000 for a roof? That sounds high.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, that's right. Come on.
You know. You know.
How many houses you had? What? Oh, none.
[laughs]
Anyway, if you need me, I'm always here.
Thank you, Mama.
By here, I mean 3,000 miles away.
[quirky music playing]
[man] You're underwater, bro.
[John] I know, Lenny. I know.
You shouldn't have bought
the most expensive house on the street.
It's just, I thought
I'd be working by now.
You know, I won
three Soap Opera Digest awards.
Only been done by eight other actors
in the history of the medium.
I mean, there's one guy
in the telenovelas. He's won 22.
But they have a totally different
voting system with Telemundo.
You're a great actor, J.D.
No one's debating that.
Though I would stay off Reddit.
What are they sayin' about me on Reddit?
Am I a subreddit? Be honest.
Look, I'm saying maybe you could afford
the house and the cars and the boat
back in Oklahoma, but not here.
Hey, I never even wanted
the boat, all right?
My wife wanted the boat. Talk to her.
Maybe you should talk to her.
Yeah, and say what?
Gifts They're her love language.
[sighs]
I don't know. I just
I can't lose her, Lenny. All right?
I can't lose one more thing.
Stupid fucking house
and fucking Swedish refrigerator!
I told you not to buy new construction.
Remember? I said,
"More like no construction."
No, I know, Lenny.
I was working 15-hour days
on Rising Tides, as you know.
So I thought the least I could do
was buy my wife
the house that she wanted, you know?
Well, it might be time
to get a house you can afford.
- [click]
- [creaking]
Yeah, well, I
[refrigerator humming]
[huffs]
[chiming]
Fuck you!
- [Lenny] You talkin' to me?
- No.
You still taking your meds?
No.
But I think you're right.
Maybe it's time for a change.
[suspenseful music playing]
- [plays note]
- How long since she's been played?
Oh. I don't know. A few years.
- Years?
- Yeah.
Oh, Lydia Morgan, that's a shame.
For everyone.
- Ah.
- [playing out of tune notes]
[piano tuner sighs]
This thing belongs in a museum.
- Do you know what year she is?
- No, it was my grandmother's.
She, um she taught me, actually.
On this piano.
- Oh!
- Yeah. She was the real virtuoso.
Please, don't pretend
like you're not hot shit.
You played with Dudamel.
Okay, well, not to name-drop,
but she played for Hitler.
Not 'cause she wanted to.
'Cause she had to.
You know, to stay alive.
They weren't friends.
Yeah, I don't revere him. It's Yeah.
Well, you gotta do
what you gotta do to survive.
- You do.
- Mm-hmm.
Philharmonic hasn't been the same
without you.
You know they have
Carol Carmichael doing your solos?
I know. Yeah, she's fine.
- You know, a little robotic.
- Uh-huh.
- Kind of a hack.
- [laughs]
Thought that might rile you.
- Yeah.
- [playing piano]
Oh.
Oh, it sounds good.
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Jerry. Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Well, now you have no excuse not to play.
Okay.
Ah, well, all right.
[Mozart's Fantasia in D Minor playing]
[piano music continues]
Lydia, you okay?
[music stops]
Uh
Yeah.
[murmurs]
Okay.
[whispers] Just keep trying.
Los Feliz is one of
the best school districts in LA.
And it's walkable to the farmers' market.
- How much work does it need?
- Not much.
If we if we ripped out this shitty tree
and put in a pool, we'd make a killing.
Oh, would we? Don't know how
my partners would feel about that.
Look, you're always saying
you're looking for new investors.
I am.
And I'm just trying to put my money
where my mouth has been.
You're such a slut.
Oh, I feel so seen.
[quirky music playing]
It could be interesting.
Yeah, I'll bring it to my partners.
- You do that.
- I will.
And maybe if it goes well
Mm-hmm?
maybe we can be partners.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
What kind of partners?
I don't know.
Maybe all the kinds.
Mm.
Mm, you're cute.
Not sure the margins make sense.
- What if I could get it for under asking?
- Hmm. How would you do that?
[Lydia] Uh, don't drink your dinner
tonight, honey. I'm making marsala.
[Paul] Oh, I haven't seen that apron
since the banana bread days.
I thought a home-cooked meal
might be nice.
Maybe, I don't know,
take care of you for a change.
- [Paul] Oh. Yeah.
- [chuckles]
That's, um that's sweet, hon.
Hey, uh, um I talked to Greg,
and it looks like there's a developer
who's interested in the house,
so that's good news.
Well, how is that good news?
Great. No escrow, no inspection, all cash.
Just cuts through the bullshit.
Okay, but but what happened
to finding the right people?
Well, what does that matter?
We're not gonna live here with 'em, right?
Your life's work is in this house!
It's our home, okay?
The only home
that Emily and Jacob have ever known.
Yeah, well, Emily hasn't stepped foot
in our home in three years.
Okay, I just-- I'm confused.
Put the knife down.
I'm just gesturing, okay?
- You're hyped up. Put the knife down.
- I'm not gonna kill you.
Yeah, so put it down.
- [sighs]
- Listen. But I
- Whoa, whoa! What happened to your finger?
- Uh
[sighs]
Mikey's out.
- [knife clatters]
- [suspenseful music playing]
- He's out?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah, and he wants 80 grand by tomorrow.
Wait, why? What did he do to you?
It's what he'll do to us
that I'm worried about!
He knows everything, Lydia!
He could destroy us!
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay, but selling to a developer? There
Still, there's no way we can
we can get 80 grand by tomorrow.
I'll I'll figure somethin' out.
[sighs] Just start packing.
[sighs]
You know, I've been thinking about what
you were saying about the Los Feliz place.
And I think you're right.
I think it might be a bit of a stretch.
- I mean, I wish I wasn't right.
- Yeah.
- But I am, which is a bummer.
- It is a bummer.
If we put all our money into the house,
we can't afford a nanny.
And and what if we need a new roof,
right? I ain't got Jay-Z money.
- Yet.
- I ain't got Jay-Z money yet.
But you're right, babe.
We definitely need to be more practical.
So, as a backup plan,
I was looking at this place
in Baldwin Hills.
Now, it is a bit of a hike,
and it's kind of a teardown, but--
Or we could just get the Los Feliz place.
I'm lost. I thought we just agreed
that we can't afford it.
- We can't.
- [laughs]
But my mom can.
- What?
- Yeah.
She made a killin' in the market
since she retired from Chase.
- She's sittin' on a ton of cash.
- Really?
- Big money.
- She's just gonna give it to us?
- Just like that.
- No strings attached?
- Might be a string.
- How long a string?
Long enough to wrap around a present
and tie into a little bow.
Why is there a bow?
Because she's gonna leave New York,
move in with us,
and help us raise our baby.
Toothbrush drop.
I mean, I'm pumped. It's like a twofer,
right? It's like two for one.
[quirky music playing]
[sighs deeply]
[necklace clatters]
[J.D.] Oh, hey, darlin'.
[Margo] Hey.
- How was dinner with the girls?
- Fine.
- [sighs]
- [J.D.] Good.
Sally is really going through something.
So she was just yammering on and on.
Oh, is she okay?
I don't wanna burden you with it.
Unless you wanna hear about
her endometriosis.
- Yeah. No, I'm good, I think.
- Okay.
I'm just glad she has a friend like you,
you know? She's lucky.
Yeah.
[sighs heavily]
Well, Harper's in bed
if you wanna say good night.
- Yeah, of course.
- She was asking about you.
Aw.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Margo groans]
[sighs]
[lock bleeps]
[unzips]
What's goin' on in that room?
Who's turnin' that doorknob?
[music fades]
[clicking]
Mmm okay.
Let's just take a peek. All right.
- Upper body strength. Here we go.
- [creaking]
- [grunts] Okay. Oh
- [latch clicks]
Uh
Okay
[mysterious music playing]
Oh, it's just--
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
- [dog barking]
[barking continues]
What's happening?
- I don't know.
- [barking continues]
Someone's out there.
[Lydia] What? Uh
Did you fix the side gate?
[Paul] Stay inside.
[gasps]
[whispers] Fuck!
[sighing] Oh God.
All right. [gasps]
[whispers] Ah. Nice and easy.
Okay. Here we go.
Nice and easy.
Nice and ea--
Oh shit, shit, shit!
- Fuck!
- [spattering sounds]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh God!
[line ringing]
Yo, it's Jacob.
Leave a message
or text me like a normal person.
- [bleep]
- Hey, honeybun.
Thinkin' about you. Um
Dad and I are hangin' in there.
[rustling]
[tense music playing]
[J.D.] So, did you see the "for sale" sign
across the street?
I mean, it looks like the Morgans
have finally decided to sell.
Yeah, I saw.
- You know I've always loved that house.
- [sighs]
Kind of surprised they hadn't sold sooner.
Oh, I think the timing
makes perfect sense.
Yeah.
What, with the market and everything?
No, because if you wait three years,
then you don't have to disclose
that your son died in the house.
[Lydia sighs softly]
[poignant music playing]
I miss you.
I wish I could see you
or feel you
and know that you're here with me.
Okay.
[whispers] Stupid.
[gasps]
[gasps]
[laughs softly]
Hi.
- [Lydia] Anything--
- [screams]
- [Lydia] Oh! God!
- Jesus fucking Christ!
- [Lydia] Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to--
- Oh God. All right.
- [Lydia laughs]
- All right, coast is clear.
- [Lydia] Okay.
- Okay.
- [Lydia laughing]
- [panting]
- What are you laughing What?
- Hmm?
- You're laughing at me?
- No.
[sighs] What's the matter?
Me shrieking like a little girl,
that doesn't turn you on?
Um I feel like there's no good way
to answer that.
[sighs] That's fair.
- So, I don't know. I guess it's a raccoon.
- [giggles] Oh.
Maybe. Or something weird
with the lights.
- [sighs]
- Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.
Okay.
Come to bed soon.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- [Paul] I'll be up in a a little bit.
- [Lydia] Okay.
[Paul, sighing] Yeah, okay.
[huffs]
[tense music playing]
- [gunshot]
- [woman's scream echoes]
[mysterious music playing]
[lock beeps]
[engine starts]
[tires screech]