Northern Exposure s02e04 Episode Script

What I Did for Love

You know what I think? I think they did it together.
I mean, | they both really hated his guts.
I bet you anything they were in cahoots | from the beginning.
Professor Plum and Mrs.
White? Well, yeah.
| Sometimes, they get stuck together.
I once had to pry Colonel Mustard | off of Mrs.
Peacock's back.
Three cards, O'Connell- | location, weapon and murderer.
One murderer.
It's after 10:00.
| I gotta go.
I can see every card in your hand.
- So, don't look.
| - I can't help it.
How about turning up | the heat, O'Connell? I'm freezing.
| Can I wear this? Oh, I don't think you should.
What? Rick's gonna mind? | No, it's not his.
So, what's the big deal? Go, already.
| I'm gonna miss my plane.
Well, we both know it's the library.
This is stupid, O'Connell.
You can't | play the game of Clue with two people.
It is obviously Colonel Mustard | with the candlestick in the library.
Now, can we leave? | Please? Oh, I don't want you to go.
Stay.
Stay.
Give me something | really, really stupid.
I don't think we have | anything that stupid, Dr.
Fleischman.
Well, then give me something | really touristy.
How about some | willow ptarmigan candies? It's the state bird, | so it's good for tourists.
And it's marzipan, | so it's nice and filling.
Great.
| I'll take three boxes.
Okay.
One each for your folks, | and one for- Now, isn't that a nice thought? I wouldn't be surprised | if she took you back.
It's not for Elaine.
It's for- | Uh-huh.
You know- | I have a lot of friends in New York.
Friends from med | school, friends from college, friends | from-from Bronx Science.
I'm still in touch with Richie Marx.
We had our bar mitzvah together.
It was a Temple Beth | Shalom double bill.
Yeah.
He's gonna get us tickets | to, uh, Sinead O'Connor.
She's playing the Palladium.
| Oh, great.
I don't even know if | I can pack it all into two weeks.
When you come right down to it, what's | the point of comin' back here at all? You'll get thrown in the slammer | for breach of contract.
Okay.
There's a point.
Morning, Maggie.
| Hi.
- Hello, O'Connell.
| - Hi.
Your chair's out back.
| That's a heavy old thing.
I had to help the guy | lug it off the truck.
Thanks, thanks.
just stockin' up for | my little trip back to the Big Apple.
I'm goin' | bullish on ptarmigans.
Care for a box as a memento? Bite a ptarmigan's head off, | you'll be flooded with memories of me.
Mmm, no, thanks.
| Um, I'll just go get the truck.
- You better get Rick | to give you a hand.
- Oh, I can't.
He's in the Aleutians.
- I'll give you a hand.
| - You will? Sure.
Why not? Is this a dirty trick, Fleischman? What, like a practical joke? Like, I'm gonna help you with the | chair and drop it on your foot? - Yeah.
| - Absolutely not.
Well, thanks, Fleischman.
| That's, uh- That's-That's sweet.
Oh, I appreciate it, I do.
It's just that I have this | Pavlovian response to you and I can never | really express my appreciation.
To you, that is, because you're sneaky | and duplicitous and self-serving and I always think | you have a hidden agenda.
You're welcome.
Be back in five minutes | for the marzipan.
Okay, Joel.
| I'll get 'em wrapped up for you.
Trapped as we are | on that merry-go-round of time we've circled around | once again to the annual Cicely, Alaska birthday | bash extravaganza.
That's right.
| Tomorrow's Founder's Day when we all get together | out at the church and mark that special | day back in 1932 when Cicely and | Roslyn stalled out here on the cusp of the | new Alaskan Riviera and had to make the best | of a bad situation.
That's a damn lie.
Now, nobody really | knows for sure what happened in that stalled | car out in the woods with Cicely and | her very special friend Roslyn.
Damn it! I told him to lay off | that lesbian angle! All alone, a little homesick couple of slugs | out of Roslyn's hip flask.
One thing leads to another.
Hey, come | on.
We've all seen Cicely's picture.
Sure, she's a little heavy-set, | on the jowly side but very attractive in | a Margaret Thatcher kind of way.
It's not an angle, Maurice.
Cicely and Roslyn | loved each other deeply.
That's why they came to Alaska | in the first place.
They couldn't find acceptance | in polite Billings society.
Well, why in the hell | did they have to find it here? I've got nothing against | Sapphic love.
I've been to some erotic movies myself.
But why hold up Hecate | and Persephone and whoever to the rest | of the world and say "Hey, look, folks.
| This is what we're all about"? You get into areas of | attraction, and we're talkin' serious mystery | here.
Shh! This is it.
And while we are talking mystery the Video Society continues | Death and Devastation Month this Wednesday | at Ruth-Anne's library.
Tonight's selection, | Pile-Up On Highway 10 is on loan from | the private collection of Ed.
Well, guess that was my 15 minutes.
Ingrid.
! | Is it April already? Time does fly.
| Seems like I just left, doesn't it? Yeah.
| Hi, Ed.
I heard your name on the | radio just now.
Oh, thanks! - You're looking well, Ingrid.
- Well, you're looking | good yourself, Maurice.
Your squeeze off on the ice again? Yeah.
The snowshoe | hare population's up eight percent.
Doesn't he freeze out there | in just that itty-bitty pup tent? He doesn't even notice it.
From now until the | end of tagging season he thinks about nothing | but hares, hares, hares.
I can dig it.
Such a help.
Watch-Watch the legs.
| This way.
This way.
This way.
This way.
Thank you.
What is this thing | made of, melted-down anvils? Oh, great, Fleischman.
| My records! I hope you take better | care of your airplane.
They were in alphabetical order.
Very classy, O'Connell.
| Cole Porter.
You ever hear Sinead O'Connor | sing "You Do Something To Me"? It's fantastic.
All right, where do | you want this thing? Over there in the corner, please.
Ah, yes.
| Under the memorial shrines.
I think scrapbooks are cliché.
Huh.
How many boyfriends | have you lost? Four.
This is definitely original.
No, I'm serious.
Well, I | used to have candles but I worried that | they'd burn the dioramas.
A lot of those figurines are crayons.
| Crayons? Yeah, I melt them down, | pour them into molds.
Then after they cool off, | I put on their little outfits.
Where'd you pick up the plastic sushi? Sitka.
Harry's is the worst.
I mean, no matter what I do, | talcum powder does not look like snow.
But Roy's is good, though.
He loved those California rolls.
Why do they all have these | little black polka dots all over them? Those are the black fedoras.
| The black fedoras? Yeah, symbolizing- | Well, you know.
Death? | Right.
And what does | the glued-on macaroni symbolize? Man's inhumanity to man? | Nothing, Fleischman.
They symbolize nothing.
| They're macaroni.
What are you gonna do for Rick a toy plane and a | tiny Soloflex machine? Very amusing.
| Now, just put the chair by the sushi.
You're | amazing.
Incredible.
Spectacular.
Better than the Buzzer? I know, I know.
I wouldn't want you | to talk about me to them.
Oh, you're the one | with the privacy fetish.
No dining out, | no strolling through town.
I've got your reputation to protect.
Girl like you, | small town like this- You could be ruined in a week | if tongues started wagging.
You're sweet.
Very sweet.
As sweet as Johnno? Maurice, you're so silly.
Oh, I bet he's great | in the sack, huh? Unimaginative but very, very dependable.
A missionary man all the way.
Am I right? | What if I don't tell you? What if I make you? I've got something that'll | break down those defenses.
What are you doing? Maurice.
! Oh, no.
Again? You devil.
! You bad, bad man.
Five.
Four.
| Three.
Two.
One.
Oh, Maurice.
Ignition.
| We have liftoff.
Oh, my God.
! One, two, three, four.
Sorry I'm late.
Your move, Mr.
- | Streisand.
Your move, Mr.
Streisand.
Ah! Let's not tell him about | the Anchorage-New York plane crash.
If he finds out he's dead, | the evening'll be a total drag.
Isn't she lovely? | Maggie? Miss Scarlet.
Gilliam, I don't care | whether you like it or- Well, that was fast.
Oh.
I'm surprised that | there's someone in New York who- No, I've never heard of | a Dr.
David Ginsberg.
Ginsberg.
Jewish.
This may come as a shock | to you, but not every Jew in New York knows | every other Jew in New York.
We're not like the-the Masons.
| We don't have a secret handshake.
No, not the Masons.
| The Freemasons.
Look, forget I mentioned- | Okay, fine.
I will look forward to seeing his face.
Oh, boy.
| The substitute New York Jewish doctor.
I know the type.
| You do? You bet your mukluks I do.
Dr.
David Ginsberg.
B.
A.
, City | College, M.
D.
, Columbia University.
Do I know guys like him? | I am guys like him.
He's gonna love Cicely, Alaska.
- Hello.
I'd like to see the doctor.
| - That's him.
Can I help you? May I speak to you a moment | in private? Sure.
Have I seen you before, Ms.
- Klochner.
| No, I'm just passing through.
It's Ben's week | to tag snowshoe hares.
Sounds thrilling.
| Who's Ben? - My husband.
| - Oh.
Okay.
Well, what seems to be | your, uh, problem? Oh, it's not me.
| It's Maurice.
Maurice? | Maurice Minnifield? Last night in the middle of | the night, he was snoring away - Wait, wait.
Wait.
Excuse me, Mrs.
Klochner.
I mean, I don't mean | to be invasive or anything, but- just to make sure I'm | totally clear on this - we are talking about the | same Maurice Minnifield? Yes, the astronaut.
All right.
| I just wanted to be clear.
Well, I was fast asleep | when his snoring woke me up.
Actually, I'm-I'm quite used | to Maurice's snoring.
I've come to expect it.
In an odd way, | even to depend on it.
It's so- | Well, you know, it's so Maurice.
Anyway, I came awake with a start, | and I glanced over at Maurice who not only had stopped snoring, | but was no longer breathing.
Wait a minute.
Maurice stopped | breathing? Just like that.
If I hadn't been there | to shake the air out of him I'm afraid to think | what might have happened.
Now, Mrs.
Klochner I realize that this is-is- | it's none of my business but, I mean, just to put this into | some sort of medical perspective um, have-have there been | other occasions where you noticed | this sleep disorder? Oh, yes.
But it was the first time | he ever actually stopped breathing.
Huh.
Okay, um- Well, tell Maurice | to come in and see me.
Impossible.
| He refuses to see a doctor.
I know it's a lot to ask, | but, um, would you talk to him for me? Sure.
There's a condition called sleep apnea, | which is unusual in adults, actually.
Uh, you stop breathing, and then after | a little while you start up again.
Is it fatal? Only if you don't start up again.
Now, all kinds of | people love all kinds of people.
None of it makes any sense but when you get right down to it love just doesn't make | a whole lot of sense.
I'll tell you why.
| Half the time you're either tramplin' | on somebody's heart or half the time it's your heart that's | got the footprints.
Now, usually it's another man or woman | who does the trampling.
But in the case of | our beloved founders Cicely and Roslyn it was that two-fisted cross-dresser | Mortality who did the damage.
Chris? Hi.
I was just, uh, practicing | my Founder's Day sermon.
I don't know.
Maybe I should play | up that "hardy spinster" thing.
So I guess this is a bad time, huh? No, no.
No.
| I need a break.
Come in.
What's up? Well, I feel really | stupid asking you this but, uh, well, | if a person has a- a premonition that | this other person's going to die but you're not really close | to that someone or anything is it the premonitioner's | moral obligation to warn the premonitionee? Hmm.
Depends on | the nature of the premonition.
I mean, is it a, uh, | cold chill racing up and down the spine, or | something more definite? It's a dream.
| A recurring dream.
Fleischman and I are playing Clue, | and he's wearing this black fedora.
A black fedora? Uh-huh.
| Oh, man.
I've really gotten to likeJoel.
What does that mean? Maggie, come on.
I mean, your | history with men bein' what it is.
And a black fedora? | How's it happen? The flight from Anchorage to New York.
| No! The whole plane goes down? | Mm-hmm.
I mean, | I feel like I have to warn him.
Don't I? | Yes, I think so.
I mean, if you don't | and he goes down in that plane you gotta live with that for | the rest of your life.
I know.
On the other hand, | what if you tell him and the plane that he changes to | turns out to be the one that crashes? Oh, God.
I didn't even | think of that.
Oh, yeah.
This fate thing | can be a tricky business.
We may have been fated | to have this conversation and then decide | whatever we decide.
So-So you mean | whatever my decision is that's the thing | that's gonna kill him? It could be.
I mean, we're | assuming that you have free will and that's not really | that safe an assumption.
So I-I should make a decision and then do the opposite thing | really fast? Yes.
But you were | probably fated to do that.
She told you? Maurice, she was worried about you.
You'd better zip your lip, boy.
Now, if you say one word that tarnishes | the reputation of that little lady you will have to answer to me.
I will carry her secret to my grave.
Sure.
Sexual promiscuity | is de rigueur for rock stars.
But do you have any idea- | any idea- of the amount of tail | that astronauts have to contend with? No, I-I don't.
A lot.
Now, yours truly usually refrained from dipping his wick | into the oil lamp but Ingrid was one groupie that I | never had the wherewithal to say no to.
Mrs.
Klochner is an astronaut groupie? Some women, when they see a man | brave enough to blast off into the darkness of infinity | in a Thinsulite suit- A lot of women get excited.
Excited, maybe.
| Excited, okay.
But-But this is way beyond excited.
| This is- This is- This is really excited.
Look, Maurice, the only | way for me to see if you have sleep apnea | is to watch you sleep.
No, sir.
No way.
But, Maurice- Do you think that I'm | gonna lie there, sleeping like a baby, while you're | crawling all over me? I just wanna check your breathing.
Yeah, and look in my | ears and shine a light up my nose and | God knows what else.
And I won't be able | to do a damn thing about it.
How would you like it | if I watched you sleep? I wouldn't, but- | Good.
It's kinky.
Case closed.
There.
You see? It's moving.
You did it.
You fixed it.
Give a man a set of combination | wrenches, and he can fix anything.
just one more little tweak.
| That's got it.
Is that beautiful or what? | Beautiful? Try late.
I put a call into someone | somewhere six weeks ago.
Where'd you walk in from, Nome? New York.
| Red-eye from Kennedy.
Serious nightmare.
| They showed Marked For Death.
You're my replacement? | You're Dr.
Ginsberg? Oh, please.
| I can't handle this "Doctor" stuff.
He likes to be called Dave.
I hope you don't mind.
| I, uh, took a look around the office.
Well, it came furnished.
I didn't | have to touch a thing.
I can see that.
You know, usually | I turn down these substitute gigs.
I mean, hey, | say what you will about New York but I see a lot of variety | in my practice.
I can't complain.
| But when they said Alaska- I mean, we're talkin' serious | wilderness here.
Am I right? We're talkin' unspoiled beauty.
We're talkin' | a city boy's dream come true for two fabulous weeks.
You're actually looking forward | to your stay here? - Oh, you bet.
| - Where you from in New York? - Flushing.
| - Flushing? - You know Flushing? - Yeah, I'm from | Flushing.
139th and Main.
- By the Long Island Railroad.
| - Right.
How about that? Small world.
Huh.
Well, I'll just- | I'll get this stuff out of your way.
I'll just toss it all in the, uh I'm | gonna get this Tlingit language down if it's | the last thing I do.
Dr.
Fleischman, is Dave still in there? Yeah, yeah, Dave's | still in there.
Oh, good.
Hey, Ed.
What do you think | about this Dave, anyway? Oh, he's nice.
| Yeah? You base that conclusion on what? His niceness.
| Plus, he's an excellent doctor.
Yeah? How do you know that? Well, | he's Jewish, and he's from New York.
That Dave, Jewish? | Give me a break.
The man's got no pigmentation.
| His roots are blond.
Scandinavian? | His hair roots.
The guy's a Jewish impostor, Ed.
Some goyish overachiever | who changed his name from Gilmore to Ginsberg | to get credibility.
jewish! Give me a break.
What Jew who looks | like that fixes heaters? Michael Landon.
| Michael Landon's Jewish? Little Joe? You gotta | be kidding me.
Nope.
Well, I'm tellin' you, | Ginsberg's not.
Hey, what do I care? | I'm outta here in two days.
Oh, you.
I thought you'd be inside.
| Dave's inside.
Uh, I better go see him | while he's still there.
See ya.
What's up, O'Connell? Look, uh, I know you've got a plane | to catch in Anchorage on Saturday and I know I'm supposed | to fly you there, but I have this errand I have | to run Saturday afternoon and by the time I'm finished | we'll be really late.
So I'm really sorry, but you'll have | to change your flight.
Okay? Thanks.
What are you talking about? | Change my flight? I've been planning this trip for weeks.
| Sorry.
You have an errand? You | have an errand? What errand? It's personal.
| It's a personal errand.
What, you have to pick up your dry | cleaning? You're lyin', O'Connell.
You're just tryin' to weasel out | of an agreement.
There's no errand.
You just | don't wanna take me to Anchorage.
Hey, I spent the last four months | living for this vacation.
I know.
I know.
| So? It's just I keep having this | stupid dream about your plane crashing.
What? | You heard me.
You wanna cancel my trip because | you dreamed my plane crashed? Yes.
No.
| You died.
Oh.
You dreamt about me? | On several occasions.
You're- So you're worried about me? Concerned, Fleischman.
| I'm concerned.
You know, the kind | of generic, impersonal concern you have for | any living creature.
I'm touched.
| Oh, please.
No, I am- | Hey, I really am.
You're an unbelievable egomaniac.
| You know that, Fleischman? You really are worried about me.
| Fine.
Fine.
You wanna turn this into some sop | for your male vanity, go ahead.
But I have warned you, | and your life is in your hands now.
As opposed to whose? Yours? Well, now, this time of year, | the best place is the Ugamak Pass.
Tuck your tent into a drift, | you got shelter on three sides stars close enough to touch.
Build a little fire.
| You sit quiet enough the elk'll come | out to watch the light.
I saw four in one night.
| Killed every last one of' em.
Mazel tov.
He's got antlers up the wazoo.
You wouldn't maybe | feel like blowin' a couple of moose away | this weekend, would you? I mean, you and me? | Thank you, Dave.
But, uh, a few years ago I started seein' | things through elk eyes.
Now the only thing I shoot | wildlife with is Fujifilm.
Oh.
Right.
Dr.
Fleischman? | Ed? Two mooseburgers, medium well.
Thank you, Shelly.
| Welcome.
Now I've lost my train of thought.
You said, "Dr.
Fleischman.
" Oh, right.
| Dr.
Fleischman? Ed? Um, do you like me? Of course I like you.
| Oh, good.
So you'll sell your plane ticket then.
Well, I don't like you that much.
Ed, I don't like anyone that much.
| I'm goin' to New York.
I'm not changing my plans | because of some facockta dream.
But you were at the Video Society.
| You saw It's A Wonderful Life.
Yeah? So? | So, don't you remember? jimmy Stewart thought | he'd wasted his whole life.
Then he saw the effect he'd had | on other people's lives around him.
I mean, just imagine what | this town would be like without you.
Can you imagine that, | Dr.
Fleischman? Imagine.
| I mean, just imagine.
? I'm as corny as Kansas in August? ?High as a flag on the 4th of July? ? If you'll excuse an expression I use? ? I'm in love, I'm in love | I'm in love, I'm in love? ? I'm in love with a wonderful guy? Thanks, Maurice.
I think it's time | to propose a toast to a little lady | who means an awful lot to me.
I think you know exactly | who I'm talking about.
Oh.
Yes.
Thanks.
Ah! You're so good to me, Maurice.
| It's just that, um- What? | What are you trying to say, Ingrid? I think maybe | I should stay in town tonight.
T- T-Tonight? | You mean, the whole night? Yes.
Ingrid, you know | I'm better in the morning.
This was just a-a prelude a- A preliminary to the main event.
I just don't feel right about- Because I wasn't the first | to ride the top of that rocket? My God, Ingrid, | I'm not Shepard.
Don't you think I spend | my whole life thinking "Why Al? Why Al? Why Al?" Maurice, this has nothing to do with- | All right, I'm-I'm second string.
Grissom took his ride before me.
| Go ahead, say it.
I'm second string.
Maurice, it's not about flying.
You stopped breathing last night.
And you think Schirra never paused | in his breathing? Think again.
I'm just worried that you might- | Might what? I'm worried you might die.
Now, hold the phone, now.
I do start breathing again, don't I? So far.
As to the psycho-sexual | bent of our founders let's just say | that they were very, very close.
I mean, they had a good | thing, they were lucky to have it, and we | were lucky to have them.
Cicely and Roslyn created the place | that we call home, sweet home so remember them however you like.
They won't mind.
| They're dead.
But, folks, please, | do remember them.
And while our mental gears | are shifted into memory I'd like to call a little attention | to a fella that we've gotten | pretty attached to here the last few months.
A guy that we refer to | as Dr.
Fleischman.
Well, he just might go away | for two weeks.
Well, how many people know | about Maggie's dream? Wow.
| Oh, my- Shelly! They pried it out of me.
Okay, all right, sure, | he can come back.
And, uh, true, even if he doesn't, | we still have Dave.
But I'd like to take | a little time now to-to pay our respects to Joel | while we know we still can.
Anyone? Ruth-Anne? When I remember Dr.
Fleischman, I | - Wait a minute.
! She has one stupid dream, | and-and that's it? I'm history? Well, Joel, you were wearing | the fedora.
Well, I-I just think | that Dr.
Fleischman is a fine doctor and a | very interesting person.
And I feel really bad about | Elaine breaking up with him.
I can't help but think | had she known about the plane wreck she might have gone ahead | and waited until he was dead.
I think that would have been | the tactful way to handle it.
Marilyn? He taught me how to use | the hold button.
I always wanted to be | at my own funeral.
This way, you can see what people thought about you.
| Anyone else? Shelly? Dr.
Fleischman is sweet and kind | and gentle and honest.
He's a good doctor.
And he was a real friend to me | when I thought I was pregnant and when I discovered I wasn't.
And besides all that, he's ethnic, | which is kind of cool.
- And he's cute.
| - Cute? Yeah? You think so? - Very cute.
| - Wouldn't go that far.
- I would.
| - I find him attractive.
All I'm saying is, I can see why | Maggie's had dreams about him.
Dream.
Singular.
| One dream! Hey, you stop lookin' | at me like that.
Look, you guys are the ones that said | he was cute.
I never said he was cute! You know, I've been having | some serious thoughts lately about that | winged chariot-time.
Sooner or later, | it sweeps us all away.
I know that, Maurice.
Well, this boy | might be swept away tomorrow.
He might go off on that rocket ship | to the hereafter.
A man likes sweet words from a woman | when he's about to go into the beyond.
It bucks him up.
All right, have it your own way! | But, remember you may never see him again.
? I'm a little teapot, short and stout? ? Here is my handle | Here is my spout? ? When I get all steamed up? ? Then I shout? ?Just tip me over and pour me out? All right.
Okay.
Oh, sorry.
I was just cheering them | up after their tetanus boosters.
Well, don't stop anything | on account of me.
Oh.
That's okay.
| It's almost dinnertime.
This is Grandpa Jim.
| He's dead.
Oh.
Well, | he-he looks very nice.
If you see him tell him Grandma's only marrying | Mr.
Skinner for his microwave.
Well, Joel, | I've gotta hit the road too.
I just dropped by for | a sec to bring some oatmeal cookies | that I baked for Dave.
Mmm, oatmeal.
| My favorite.
You baked him oatmeal cookies? | Mm-hmm.
Bye, Dave.
| Bye.
I brought you something.
What-What are you trying to tell me? | I should paddle to New York? It's to ease your journey | to the other side.
Okay.
Okay.
You win.
| I'm spooked.
I admit it.
| I am officially unsettled.
I give up.
It's not worth it.
I have my pride, but I'll be | damned if I'm gonna die for it.
What'd the airline say? Can I use my frequent flyer | ticket for the 6:00 a.
M.
Flight? It's a extra $600.
$600? Yeah, over my dead | body.
Okay, damn it.
| Watch me sleep.
Huh? | All that stuff I was sayin; about winged chariots got to me.
It was creepy, and damned moving.
And I decided if it was | that important to, uh - Well, you know who | I'm talking about.
You can check me | for sleep whats is tonight.
Are we talking, uh, sleep apnea here? Yeah.
| I did a study on sleep apnea.
It's sort of a hobby of mine.
| You know, it's often a misdiagnosis- Forget it, Ginsberg.
| Maurice is my patient.
I'll make his diagnosis.
"All at once | he was through max G "as if through a turbulent straight, | and the trajectory was smooth and he was supersonic, and the pressure in his chest | reached six G's.
" I mean, Proust, HenryJames, | those guys could put me to sleep.
But The Right Stuff? | Shh! This is the best part coming up here.
"The rocket pitched down, | and in a moment, there it was.
And his body slammed forward | as if it were screeching to a halt.
'" Look, I hate to spoil | the slumber party but, uh, this stuff's | gonna give me nightmares.
Can we just skip to the stuff | about Sally Rand and the striptease? All right, Ingrid.
| The boy's gettin' antsy.
Go ahead.
| Leave us alone.
I'm primed.
| Good night, Maurice.
I'll be in the guest room | if you need me.
Good night, Ingrid.
Joel, there goes a fine woman.
I guess it's kind of cornball, | me goin' on and on like this about her.
No.
| Actually, it's kind of sweet.
- Sweet? | - Yeah.
Joel we're talkin' sex here, | pure and simple.
Now, it may be a lot of things, | but, uh, it's not sweet.
What Ingrid and I have is, uh comparable to a fully-loaded X-15 firing at 57,000 pounds of thrust.
You may not understand that now but when you get to be | an old bear like me you will.
Oops.
Sorry.
Forgot about the crash.
That was tactless of me.
But, you know, in a way, Joel I envy you your demise.
You envy my dying? | Yeah.
Well, it comes to all of us, son.
You know what | my greatest fear is? Slipping in the shower.
Having a heart attack | sitting on the john.
Sleep apnea.
Goin' out with a whimper | instead of a bang.
You know, Fleischman in a lot of ways you're lucky.
| Lucky? You'll be sailing along peacefully.
Then all of a sudden, wham! You're pinned back | against your seat wind screaming in your ears cold air everywhere, | glass shattering darkness coming at you | from all directions.
And then oblivion.
Nothing but ice, more ice.
As far as the eye can see, just ice.
Ice.
| Sure.
Must be the polar route.
I'll tell you a secret.
I had some strong reservations | about getting on this plane.
No kidding? Do you believe | in fate? Predestination? No.
I'm an existentialist.
Me too.
Well, | really more like a rational humanist.
Sweetheart, what's important | is the here and the now.
People should learn to relax | and take life as it comes.
Hey, I like your philosophy, Mrs.
- - Streisand.
| - Streisand? Wait.
Where-Where have I heard | that name before? Wait a minute.
| You're not- We're related by marriage, hon, | not by blood.
Oh.
Let me buy you a drink, | Mrs.
Streisand.
Sure.
| Stewardess? Hey, O'Connell.
| Champagne? You'll be needing this.
- Hey, what's that thing on your back? | - Parachute.
Wait.
Flight attendants | aren't supposed to wear parachutes.
How do you | think the passengers feel- - O'Connell- | - Bon voyage, Fleischman.
Now, there's a lovely girl.
Bon voyage.
! Joel? Joel? Look alive, son.
My back.
So, how's my sleep apnea? You don't have it.
| I watched you for six hours.
Your breathing is perfectly regular.
Hey.
No kiddin'? - Ingrid! | - Is, um- Is he all right? He's fine.
There's nothing | wrong with his breathing.
Oh.
Well, why don't you keep | my afghan till next year? I'm, uh- I'm traveling light.
| Traveling? The green-winged teals are | flying soon.
Oh, so soon? At least I know you're all right.
| Oh, I'm fit as a- Excuse me.
Damn! Maurice, have you spent | a lot of time around mohair? Well, the only experience | I can recall was my-my mama knitted me a mohair | sweater when I was around 10 years old.
And when you put it on do you recall having | any reaction to it? I think I went into a three-day coma.
From now on, stick to cashmere.
You have what is called | a severe allergy.
You mean, if we get rid | of this damn blanket, we can- Absolutely.
Happy landings.
Nice look.
Very homey.
Nice.
| Very nice.
Nice decor.
| I like your style.
I'm sorry.
| I thought you'd be on your- Well, it's just a few touches | so I'd feel more- I mean, I'll clear them all away | if you ever- I mean, when you- - Forget it.
- I didn't throw any | of your stuff away.
- You are a prince, | Ginsberg.
A real mensch.
- Thanks.
- I wish you naches.
| - Oh, thanks.
Naches is one of those words- | I mean, you always hear but you never really know | exactly what it means.
Does anyone really know? Do you, Ginsberg? Well, happiness, luck.
| Uh-huh.
It actually dates | from the 12th century when, uh, naches were the spice cakes | they gave travelers- All right, all right! | I mean, you're not really Gilmore.
Look, I know how much | you like it here and how great everyone | thinks you are but, uh, | there's been a change of plans.
A change? | Yeah, yeah.
I don't know how to | spring this on you but we've run into a | little scheduling problem.
Scheduling? So it's been a | pleasure to meet you, Dave.
Wait! I'm only sorry you | couldn't stay longer, but- Look, I'm sure there's | a doctor in Yellowknife or somethin' who'll | need a substitute.
Okay? | Well, take care.
If you find yourself | in Cicely, don't be a stranger.
Joel, I | don't understand.
I Bye, Dave.
Joel? Joel.
! Did you knock? | Uh, I was getting around to it.
How long have you been | standing out there? Not long.
| Five, 10 minutes.
You wanna come in? So- Huh.
"Huh" what? Well, I've | never just, you know visited you before, you know? I mean, socially.
| Oh.
Look, uh, I don't wanna get | too personal or anything but is there like some reason | you were so concerned with my safety? I mean, it's not like you and I are | - No.
- We've never- | - God, no.
So why are you having | these dreams about me? I don't know.
Can I suggest an explanation? No.
| Come on, O'Connell.
just admit that once, in your heart | ofhearts, you have had feelings for me.
Well, I- | Not feelings, Fleischman.
I wouldn't qualify them as feelings.
They're more like | occasional Thoughts.
Thoughts? | Yeah, you know, thoughts.
Yeah, okay.
| You've had thoughts about me.
Or maybe more like impulses.
Impulses? | No, thoughts.
What do you mean, thought-type | thoughts or fantasy-type thoughts? Can we change the subject? | Yeah, sure.
No problem.
| Well, what was I wearing? All right.
| Come on, O'Connell.
just admit you don't want | me to go.
I never said that.
You want me to take that plane? | Why are you doing this, Fleischman? Tell me to take that doomed flight, | and I will.
Well? Oh, what the hell.
Don't think I'm doing this | because I'm superstitious.
I'm not.
It's just I don't feel | right about leaving my patients with | that quack Ginsberg.
Good night.
? You do? ? Something to me? ? Something that simply mystifies me? ? Tell me? ? Why should it be? ? You have the power? ? To hypnotize me?