Northern Exposure s04e20 Episode Script
Homesick
Ready or not, here I come.
Your big old honey bear is all clean and cuddly, Shelly.
Hey, you know, Holling it's like all this time I've been walking around with my eyes closed.
How so, honey? Those ugly drapes.
Look at them.
And the deer's head, and these paint-by-number pictures.
Hmm.
I hate them.
You do? And that clunky old chest.
The cactus lamp and that ratty old dusty halibut.
You never seemed to mind these things before.
I wasn't married before.
Holling, I'm not some little shack job from Saskatoon anymore.
I'm Mrs.
Shelly Tambo-Vincoeur.
A wife.
I may look like the same hot dudette chick I always was but inside, I'm changed.
I'm way changed.
Different.
You are? Oh, yeah.
Like totally.
Changed how? Well, I don't know exactly but some things matter to me that didn't used to.
Like? Like separating the white clothes from the dark when we do the wash.
Like making the bed before we go down to work.
Like having my house reflect my inner me.
Look at this, H.
The Roger E.
Bennetts of Rye, New York took a cheesy suburban home and turned it into the country farmhouse they always dreamed of.
They added this wainscoting stuff or whatever and a covered porch, and this lattice hut thing in the back yard.
Now they're so into their place they don't even go away on vacations.
Are you saying you'd like to redecorate my place? What do you say? Well, sure.
Why don't you go out and buy some new things, have a good time? Oh, babe, you are the coolest.
Oh, can't swap skin now, Big H.
Got to hit the catalogs.
Well, hello, Maurice.
Shh, listen.
It's here.
It is? Yeah, you bet.
Oh, great.
What is? That is, Ed.
Whoa, it's a house.
A moving house.
That house is on wheels.
Yeah.
But it's not just any house on wheels.
That is a historical landmark.
That domicile was home for a future Mercury astronaut.
I grew up there.
Really? You betcha.
The Oklahoma Department of Transportation was gonna tear that down to make room for an exit on a highway.
Soon as I got wind of that I got on the horn to the Tulsa Historical Society and offered it to them free.
Hell, I even offered to pay the moving costs.
You Mr.
Minnifield? Yeah, that's me.
You know what they said? Nope.
They said they didn't have room.
Well, Oklahoma's loss is Cicely's gain, as far as I'm concerned.
So, where do you want it? Huh? Oh, yeah.
Just go on out of town.
I'll get my car and get in front of you and lead you to it.
All righty.
Excuse me.
Shelly, did you get my order? Hi, let me have a turkey club on whole wheat cottage cheese, no chips, and a cup of coffee as well, please.
Shelly? How do you feel about Gothic revival, Dr.
Fleischman? What's that? Check out this bodacious sitting room.
Folio table, chapel screen, needlepoint rug.
Metropolitan Home, huh? I didn't know you were into design.
Me neither, until somebody left a copy of House Beautiful in the john.
I started reading it, just zoned.
Yeah? Pretty gnarly, huh? I don't know.
To tell you the truth I kind of find this Gothic clutter kind of stifling.
Yeah? Yeah.
I think at this point in my life, I'm more of a minimalist, you know? Clean, sharp lines, very spare a lot of angles, light, open spaces.
Shelly? Ooh, this rococo stuff is pretty cool, too.
All the little baby angels and stuff.
Ooh.
Nice shot.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, don't you look like the cat that ate the canary.
What's this? Open it up.
Lab results.
Joel just gave them to me.
Guess what my eosinophil count is? Fifty percent? White count, T cells, they're all in the green zone.
That's incredible.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow.
Your hematocrit's at the top of the range.
Your serum electrolytes, too.
Your sodium, potassium chloride? Mmm-hmm.
You know what this means? Uh-huh.
Mike, this means you're- Normal.
Healthy.
May, 1918.
Thomas Jefferson Minnifield returns from the fields of France.
While recovering from a mustard gas attack he wins the hands of his nurse.
One Nancy Perkins, a former Miss Tulsa.
Together, the two of them sink the family flag in 400 acres of Oklahoma hardscrabble.
You see that window up there? Uh-huh.
Arthur, my father, was born in that bedroom.
Then 20 years later, young Maurice Minnifield drew his first sweet breaths of life.
Cool.
Mmm-hmm.
Right back here was my mother's flower garden.
White daffodils, tulips and the most beautiful yellow marigolds between Tulsa and Oologah.
I don't see any flowers, Maurice.
Well, of course not.
They ceased to exist years ago.
They only exist in my mind's eye.
Oh.
Very pretty.
Yeah.
Now, you see that windowpane up there? Yep.
My brother, Malcolm, once fired a crab apple through there when we were having a pitched battle with the Wilson boys.
The folks were away on errands at the time.
Ah, Adventures in Babysitting.
Huh? Oh, yeah, you know the house is a mess, parents are due to arrive any second and Elisabeth Shue doesn't have a moment to spare.
Anyway, Malcolm and I puttied in a spare pane and got it in just as the folks drove up.
Way to go, Maurice.
That's as far as you go, Ed.
I need a little privacy, if you don't mind.
Sure, Maurice.
Thanks for showing me the outside of your house.
You know, I especially enjoyed the imaginary flowerbed.
Don't mention it.
Yeah, Mike and I are celebrating his recovery with pizza.
Pizza? He hasn't had a pizza for six years, if you can believe that.
Those nitrates in the pepperoni and the enzymes in the mozzarella his system couldn't handle it.
Uh-huh, right.
What? Look, take my word for it, O'Connell Mike could handle pizza, he could've inhaled mozzarella he could've mainlined pepperoni.
Oh, Fleischman, I thought you were beyond that.
Hey, O'Connell, as much as I like Mike my medical opinion of him has never wavered.
I mean, his condition, be it in remission or full-blown is purely psychogenic.
You just can't get over it, can you? Over what? The fact that Mike and I are happy together.
Don't make me gag, O'Connell.
Fleischman, look.
You just have this very fragile ego so that if you're unhappy, everybody has to be unhappy.
That's not true.
I think it's touching.
I mean, I think it's endearing that two emotional cripples can find each other to lean on for support.
That'll be $9.
45, dear.
I mean, it's a textbook case of codependency.
You got Mike over here who has a sad, chronic need to be taken care of and then there's you over here who has a sad, chronic need to be needed.
It's perfect, I mean You know, Fleischman any other day, I might haul off and belt you one for a statement like that but I'm not going to.
I'm not gonna rise to the bait.
I'm not gonna even nibble.
You know why? Because actually, I feel some pity for you.
I mean, here I have this romantic date with somebody I really care about and you, well, you don't.
See you, Ruth-Anne.
Bye.
Hello? Anybody home? Mike? Unbelievable.
Six million barrels.
Sorry? "A single-hulled tanker foundered off the coast of Newfoundland.
"Six million barrels of crude oil washed up on shore "fouling 20 miles of an extremely delicate marine ecosystem.
" Mike, that's horrible.
Yeah, and get a load of this.
The air in Mexico City is so toxic and so dangerous that US diplomats who serve there are actually given combat pay.
Really? What in the hell was I thinking, Ed? I'm not sure, Mike.
How can I, of all people continue leading a normal life a life of simple, everyday pleasures of creature comforts, romantic involvement when we are all on the verge of Armageddon? The final battle between good and evil.
It was easy to sit things out when I was sick.
But I'm well again, Ed.
I've been given a second chance.
How am I gonna spend it? Mowing the lawn? Locking into a 30-year fixed at eight and a half? Indulging in candlelit pizza dinners and cuddling in front of a fire? Or making a difference out there? You know, there is something just so great about pizza.
I don't know what it is.
I think it's the toasty crust and the squishy sauce and the cheese and the way it all comes together to make a perfect three-point landing in your mouth.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Are you ready? Are you ready? There you go.
I can't believe you've been deprived of this for all these years.
It must be like getting out of jail out of solitary confinement.
Yeah.
You know, it really makes me appreciate all those things I took for granted.
You know, like a fire on a cold night or the smell of freshly washed curtains in your window or the smell of cut grass after you just mow the lawn.
Now we're gonna be able to share all these things.
The pizza, the trip to Cordova.
It's just the beginning.
Is something wrong? I have to go.
What? I have to leave.
Mike, it's just It's like 8:30.
I have to leave Cicely.
You have to leave Cicely? Yes.
Alaska? Yes.
Why? Maggie, I was a victim of environmental abuse.
I was almost roadkill.
Flattened by the speeding big rig of environmental degradation.
Of all people how can I stand by and watch while others are sacrificing? Fighting to save the rain forests, wetlands, arable savannas.
Mike, you just got your health back.
Right.
I got it back.
I've been given a second chance.
I have to believe there's a reason for that.
But, Mike, that doesn't mean you have to leave Alaska.
You know, there's a pipeline demonstration in Valdez next week.
Why don't we go up there? You know, we can handcuff ourselves to the processing station.
What do you think about that? What? What's this? "Michael Monroe, report to Captain Peterson aboard the Sirius in Murmansk "12th of April, Murmansk? Russia? That's 200 kilometers north of the Arctic Circle.
We'll be investigating alleged dumping of used nuclear reactors in the Barents Sea.
"We"? Greenpeace and me.
They need a lawyer, Maggie.
And with my unique sensitivity to toxic effluents I'll be able to monitor all kinds of pollutants from radioactive isotopes to petrochemical sludge.
I think you should leave now.
Maggie, look- Look, Mike- I'm sorry, I just Mike, I just think you should go.
For those of you who haven't heard Mike Monroe is packing a footlocker and rucksack and heading up to frosty Murmansk, Russia.
That's right, Cicely, our own environmental crusader is leaving us to take on the hydra-headed monster of chemical devastation now threatening the biosphere and I think we can all do our part by buying Ruth-Anne's victory ribbons specially made from recycled Christmas wrap available at Ruth-Anne's store or The Brick.
Help send Mike to the front.
Wear the green, people.
Elsewhere on the KBHR bulletin board "Mort Carlson leads his annual caribou hunt next month "improving on last year's expedition.
"This year's package includes all meals and portable heaters.
" Go ahead and give Mort a call for details.
Mike, this one's for you, buddy.
Thank you for your contribution, Dave.
You're welcome.
How about a ribbon, Joel? It'll help Mike buy his dry suit.
Oh, God, you know, I heard about this, Ruth-Anne and I was really hoping it was a joke.
Every contribution above $15 gets you a premium.
A premium on what? $20 entitles you to a T-shirt.
$25 fetches a tote bag and $50 gets you the special CD package.
I don't believe this.
I mean, please tell me.
What is wrong with you people? This is just It's like some collective cabin fever or something.
How much can we put you down for? Ruth-Anne, look, I like Mike as much as the next guy but we're dealing with a very unstable individual here.
Mike is going to be in some very cold water, Joel.
He's gonna need that dry suit.
I tell you, Ruth-Anne, you drive a hard bargain.
Mmm-hmm.
You missed your calling.
You should have been in fund raising.
$3? Lowell Grippo put in $20 and you know what an awful year this has been for kayak rentals.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Don't you want your ribbon? That's the paper for the bedroom.
All the way back on the right.
Slip covers? Cool, follow him.
Mrs.
Vincoeur.
The bathroom trim, was that the Mandalay or the Camellia? Camellia.
Remember, we can't use the Mandalay.
It's got that tick of lemon in it.
Oh, right.
Right.
Shelly? We lost our water down here.
You know anything about it, hon? Sorry, babe.
Plumber's putting in the new commode.
It will only be about an hour.
Cover for me, will you, H.
? I don't trust those carpet guys.
Hey, hey, watch those walls.
Don't scratch them.
Okay, no problem.
Sweet gherkins, peanut butter eggs, artichoke hearts.
We got your oatmeal, instant breakfast drink water-packed tuna.
Ed? Yeah? Why don't we ever learn? I mean, it's always the same old story, isn't it? I mean, just when you think you're getting close when there's a glimmer of hope that you might finally have something lasting they're out the door.
Well - No, I know.
I should've known.
But, you know, it's just I don't know, he sucked me in.
He just seemed different.
Hmm.
He seemed so caring and so open and not in that wimpy, manipulative sort of way but in that honest, man's-man kind of way.
Huh.
You know what really got me, what really hooked me? Was that after we slept together, he didn't change.
You know how so many men, after you sleep with them, they kind of just withdraw? You know, they think they owe you something, or the intimacy scares them? But not Mike.
I mean, Mike didn't get spooked.
Uh-uh.
I mean, if anything, we were closer.
Well, not that the sex was that great.
I mean, Mike was definitely a by-the-books kind of guy.
I mean, no whipped cream, no kitchen tables, anything like that but, I mean, that was okay.
I mean, that gave us a place to go, you know? Well, Maggie.
Yeah? That's gonna be $14.
30.
Oh.
Yeah, well, anyway I guess the thing that hurt the most, Ed, is that I didn't see it coming.
I mean, who would've known? I guess underneath all that ecology and classical music and house plants he's just like all the rest of them.
Ah, men.
Exactly.
See you.
See you.
It's a fine thing you're doing, my boy.
Thank you, sir.
Believe you me, if I were 20 years younger I'd pack my kit and fall in right behind you.
Yes, sir.
You know, back in '55 a few buddies and I sugared the gasoline tanks of some bulldozers- Excuse me, sir.
Maggie, look, about last night- I can't talk right now, Mike.
Maybe I didn't explain myself very well.
I've got a charter to Skagway.
I've got oil to change.
Look, I know I should have discussed this with you first.
Hey, not at all.
I mean, we didn't have any kind of commitment, you're a free agent.
You know, you can do what you like.
No, no.
Maggie, Maggie, come on.
That's not true.
This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life.
Can't we just sit down somewhere and talk? I said I've got to go.
My dad papered this whole house himself.
Wow.
Look at this flooring here, Chris.
This is heart pine.
You can't get that anymore.
They leveled all those trees in the name of Western expansion.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Yeah.
Where did you get all this stuff, Maurice? Oh, I put all this in storage after Mother died.
I was gonna go through it and donate it to Goodwill, but I never got around to it.
Oh, look at this.
Mother made this right after Malcolm was born.
We called it our flying carpet.
With a running start you could slide all the way across this room on it.
Oh, I cracked my brainpan on this hearth one time.
Twelve stitches and more blood than you'd think a 10-year-old had in him.
Wore that scar as a badge of honor.
This your old mitt? No.
That's Malcolm's.
Oh, what do you want me to do with this? Oh, just hang it over there by the staircase.
I can see him now.
Working that neat's-foot oil in hour after hour after hour.
It's almost like he's here.
Like he could almost come sliding down that banister sidesaddle like he used to do.
Petite madeleine.
Hmm? It's a French pastry.
It was Marcel Proust's favorite when he was a little kid and when he was in his his whole childhood come rushing back to him.
Out pops 16 volumes of Remembrance of Things Past.
And then, of course he spent the last 15 years of his life in a cork-lined bedroom.
Don't peek.
I can't see anything anyway, Shelly.
Ow! Careful, H.
Okay, ready? It's not quite done yet.
I'm still waiting on a pink shag throw rug.
So, what do you think? Do you love it? Say something, Holling! Well You hate it.
No.
No, no, Shelly.
It just takes a little while to absorb it all.
Is that my Athabaskan footstool? I gave that to the painters.
It was just so Pacific Northwest grunge.
Didn't go with the total, you know Hey, did you see this lampshade with the tassels? And how about these matching art pieces made with real seashells? That is very interesting.
So, now that you've had time to absorb everything what do you think? I Well I like it.
You like it? You mean, really like it? Oh I love it.
Really? Cross your heart and hope to die? Stick a needle in my eye.
Wings over England but these are wings of the RAF.
American-built bombers outward bound for daylight raids upon the continent.
Raids to repay the Nazis tenfold for their wanton attacks upon defenseless cities.
Attention! Seats, please.
Okay, people.
The Germans are resupplying their entire front in the Ardennes through this bridge at Oberlahnstein.
It is heavily defended on both banks of the Rhine with anti-aircraft batteries.
However, we believe a single light bomber flying at night low enough to avoid radar might just have a chance of taking out this bridge.
Now, I need a volunteer.
A single volunteer for that light bomber.
Who's it gonna be? Men, I would like to point out this is not just a single-span suspension bridge.
No, sir.
This is the Minotaur! Medusa! The Cyclops! Have we not read our Joseph Campbell? I am talking about The Hero's Journey.
Separation, initiation, and return.
"A hero ventures forth from the world of common day "into a region of supernatural wonder.
"Fabulous forces are there encountered "and a decisive victory is won.
"The hero comes back with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.
" Boons, sir? Gifts.
Both literal and metaphorical.
Psychologically, the hero's exploits form a context so that we can all better understand our own individual natures.
I'll do it.
Mike? I'll take out that bridge.
Mike, it's suicide.
You'll get killed.
Maggie, you heard what the major said.
Remember your comparative mythology? Perseus, Rama, King Arthur.
A culture needs its heroes.
Exactly.
Yeah, but why you? Why not me? Good luck, Monroe.
Thank you, sir.
I'll go check on my ordinance.
Mike.
See you, Maggie.
Mike.
Well, hello, Marilyn.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that Donald Summer's coming in at 3:00.
He's got a carbuncle on his left leg.
I'm going to incise it.
So you need to sterilize a scalpel with a number 11 blade.
Also I'm gonna need some mosquito clamps, dressings saline solution and a bulb syringe, if you would.
Oh, my birthday was over a month ago and there wasn't a word, not a card.
So I think it's a little late to try to appease me with a sweater.
Besides, when was the last time you saw me wearing pea green? It's not for you.
No? Who's it for? It's for Mike.
Mike Monroe? You're knitting a sweater for Mike Monroe? You hardly know the guy.
I don't understand.
What about me? I mean, I'm your friend.
I'm your confidant, your employer.
You've never knitted me a pair of socks, let alone a sweater.
Mike's an eagle.
He's a what? He's a hero.
Mike Monroe is a hero? No, Marilyn.
No, I'll tell you, a hero is Jonas Salk.
That's a hero.
Norman Schwarzkopf, Reggie Jackson.
Not a hypochondriac who cruises the Barents Sea with a bunch of tree huggers.
That is not an eagle, I'm sorry.
You're jealous.
What's that? I'm jealous? Uh-huh.
You know, it's very interesting.
If I say the least little thing about Mike that might be construed as negative or critical suddenly, I have a problem, right? Suddenly, I have a fragile little ego, and I'm jealous.
Uh-huh.
You have a minute, Joel? No, I don't, unless Marilyn has finished with her probing psychological evaluation of me.
I am.
Well, thank you very much.
After you.
Why don't you take your coat off and have a seat there.
So what seems to be the trouble? I'm blocked, Joel.
Blocked? My entrails.
Nothing seems to be moving down there.
What do you mean? You mean you're constipated? Yeah.
Well, how long has it been since you had an evacuation? I count two days now.
Two days? Uh-huh.
That's not very long.
How often do you usually go? Once a day, directly after my morning coffee.
Well, I mean, surely you must skip a day every now and then? No.
You never skip a day? Never.
Not one, ever? Not in 63 years.
That's incredible.
Wait a minute, you're telling me you've moved your bowels once a day, every day I mean, come rain or shine, for your entire life? Yes.
That's Wow, every day.
Well, how's your diet? You getting enough roughage? Fruits, vegetables? Shelly made up a big Waldorf salad just last night.
Polished off most of it myself.
Any change in your lifestyle? My lifestyle? Yeah, you know, anything different? Changed? Well, there's the pink gingham canopy over the bed.
Pink canopy? And the scalloped curtains, and the shag wall to wall and the chaise percée over the john.
What are you talking about? I don't understand.
Shelly has been redecorating my Our place.
Uh-huh.
I can understand why she wants to put a brand on the place, Joel but giving away my Athabaskan footstool I have a hard time with that.
Yeah, of course, Holling.
That's probably why you're backed up.
I mean, it's not uncommon, actually.
You have an unfamiliar surrounding.
It's like a person in an airplane or a hotel room, you know? Or even a strange toilet seat can make someone irregular.
I mean, when I was first exiled here I was plugged up for a week.
The surroundings are not just unfamiliar, Joel they're Well, they're Feminine? I tell you Ed brought over some groceries.
He said it looked like something out of Bye Bye Birdie.
Well, look, I'd really rather not prescribe any unnecessary medications at this point.
My advice to you is to just put your foot down.
You know, let her know who wears the pants.
You mean Yeah, tell her you want your stool back.
Eight, nine and one makes 10.
Thank you very much.
Mike? Yes, Dave? What is this? It's an NSA water purification system.
It hooks up right under the sink.
Has a activated carbon filter which takes out chlorine, fluoride, lead, etc.
How about giardia? A colony of beavers spent most of the summer camping out in my finger of the lake.
Giardia, E.
coli, it'll get out most bacteria.
And it comes with replacement filters.
I mean, there's enough to get you through the rest of the century.
I'll take it.
Great.
Mike.
Hey, Ed.
I'm glad you stopped by.
I have something for you.
Oh, your leftover surgical scrubs.
Yeah, I thought maybe you could use them in your movies.
Well, thanks, Mike, but I'm not gonna be needing them.
No? No, you see, Mike I wanna go with you.
With me? On the ship? Yep, you see, I've been thinking, Mike.
It's like Casablanca.
You remember how Rick doesn't wanna get involved.
He just wants to run his Cafe American.
But when the Germans are gonna arrest Paul Henreid well, he just realizes that all his troubles they don't amount to a hill of beans.
So, what's he do? He shoots Conrad Veidt and goes off with Claude Rains to join the Free French at Brazzaville.
Ed, I appreciate what you're trying to do.
I do, but you can't come with me.
But, Mike, I'm very well suited to this kind of life.
See, I have no family obligations plus I can fall asleep almost anywhere.
Ed, you can't come with me.
You're needed here.
I am? Yeah, yeah.
Don't you see? Someone has to stay behind and remind people what this is all about.
To organize the recycling, and carpools and go to the market with his own sack.
To use cloth napkins and unbleached toilet paper to mulch, to insulate, to use flow restrictors.
I hadn't thought about that, Mike.
Oh, yeah.
And with your talents, you have an additional responsibility.
To keep making your movies.
To show people what's happening.
To open up their eyes and their minds.
Each of us has to serve where he can do the most good.
And for you, that's Cicely, Alaska.
You're right, Mike.
Thanks.
Hey, Maurice.
Found it.
Well, it's about time, Stevens.
Come on, give it to me.
Hey, what are you doing in there? I just remembered what's been eating at me.
It's right in here, my secret hiding place.
I was watching Ruth-Anne's cash drawer slide out and the memory of it just came just clear to me as the mile-high sky.
"If you want the treasury, use this guide.
"Fourth tread, stringer side.
" Ah, mnemonic device.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Hey.
Look at this.
Still here.
Yeah, there we go.
Just the way I left it.
"I'm one of Hoppy's rangers.
" Is this yours? It's my box, Stevens.
Everything in here is mine.
With the exception of these.
Fish? These were Malcolm's.
Malcolm loved these fish.
He named each one of them.
Skippy, Frank, Spalding, and Lucky.
Aw.
Every night before he'd go to bed he'd line them up on his bedside table.
And I stole them.
The mind reels at the vindictiveness and cruelty young people are capable of.
Mike? Maggie.
Hey, is this a bad time? No, I was just packing.
Well, you know, because if you're busy, I- No, no, no.
Please come on in.
Can I get you something to drink? No.
I mean, I just came to you know, say goodbye.
Oh.
Yeah, and I just wanted to let you know that I think what you're doing is great and important, and courageous.
You do? You really do? Yes, I do.
And someday, when kids ask me who lived in that bubble outside of town covered with lichen and wild clematis I'll tell them that Mike Monroe lived there.
Just about the bravest man I ever knew.
Not me.
You.
Me? You're the brave one, Maggie.
Brave enough to see past the surgical gloves and the strained vegetables and the inhalers and see that deep down, I could be healthy, I could be whole.
You inspired me to stick with my antigen injections to take that first step out of my bubble breathe unfiltered air.
You made me keep pushing the edge of the envelope to try dressing on my salad Scrabble without my gloves.
If it hadn't been for you, I never would have dared to wear cotton-poly-blend shirts or brush my teeth with a fluoride paste.
Yes, you would have.
You would have done all those things without me.
No, Maggie.
If it hadn't been for you I'd still be a prisoner in this dome.
I'll help you pack.
Here you go.
You can start right here.
Oh, this is rich.
The Cicely Choral Society is giving a benefit performance for Mike tonight.
I need to check my psych book see if they've documented any similar cases of mass hysteria.
He's here.
Who's here? Mike.
Mike Monroe? Mike's here? Hello, Joel.
Mike.
Hi.
Is anything wrong? No, no, not at all.
Then what I came here to thank you.
Yeah, well, look- Listen, I know that you've always harbored some serious doubts about my condition.
It's okay, it's okay.
You thought I was wacko, you probably still do.
The thing is, no matter what your feelings were you always provided me with excellent medical care.
And I really want you to know, Joel I think that you're a first-rate physician.
Well that's I appreciate that, thank you.
And as a token of my appreciation I'd like you to have this.
Your IPPB respirator? I thought maybe you could use it.
Are you kidding? Bird 6400 ST with compressor and blender? Ever since my pulmonary rotation I've dreamed of ventilating a patient with one of these.
Man, I don't even know what to say.
That's Thank you.
Well, listen, there is something I'd like you to do for me.
Hey, name it.
Be there for Maggie.
Look, I don't know when I'm coming back, Joel.
The truth is, I don't know if I'm coming back.
Oh, you'll be back.
Of course you'll be back.
And look I'm the last person that O'Connell would want to be there or here or anywhere for.
Joel.
You and I both know that there's something between you two.
No.
No, no, really.
I mean, she's crazy about you.
And me and O'Connell we can't be in the same room together without drawing blood.
The only thing between us is a mutual acrimony.
Be there for her.
Okay? Okay.
See you.
Hi, Maurice.
Mal.
Better not spill that on Mom's good sofa.
No, no, I'll No, I'll be careful.
You got big, Maurice.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Look at that, Mal.
I'd forgotten that water stain on the ceiling from when the tub ran over.
You used to say it looked like a pony's head.
Yeah.
Those are the ears, and there's the mane.
Mal? Yeah? Do you remember that fishing pond game you used to have? The one with the little poles metal fish, magnets at the end of the line? I lost the fish.
No, I took them.
It was probably the last time you had a chance to play with them.
I just want you to know that I'm sorry, Malcolm.
I'm truly sorry.
It's okay.
Hey, Holling? It's open.
Holy cow.
It's a change, isn't it? Change? Holling, it doesn't even begin to describe this.
I mean, this is Pink.
Yeah.
Careful you don't bump into those little glass unicorns.
Wow, Holling, Holling.
I gotta tell you, I mean, this would bind me up.
I mean, it would totally tie me up.
My colon would be tied in knots.
I mean No man could move his bowels in here.
Have you said anything yet? No.
Well, are you regular yet? No.
Still bound up like a rusty vice.
You know I planned on laying it on the line with Shelly, Joel, I truly did but when I looked into her big blue eyes I saw just how happy and content she is now.
Nesting like a November spruce hen making a home for the two of us.
So I held my tongue.
Yeah, well, I mean, that's big of you but you gotta be in a lot of discomfort by now.
I intend to acclimate, Joel.
Acclimate? Like those fellows that climb Mount McKinley.
They don't scale the mountain all at once.
They go up a little at a time.
Come back down, go up further, come back.
It's a slow process, but eventually they get up to 20,000 feet.
Breathing without the aid of an oxygen mask.
Well I'll tell you what, in case the process is a little slower than you think I'll send over some Dulcolax, okay? It's pretty mild, so you don't have to worry.
I appreciate it.
Don't mention it.
Hi.
Mike, whoa.
In my experience, you shouldn't travel without these two things.
Eye shades and an elastic clothesline.
Thanks, Ruth-Anne.
You're welcome.
Bye, dear.
Bye-bye.
I'll carry that.
Oh, thanks, Dave.
The latest Judith Krantz.
Not just a woman's book, a real page-turner.
Oh, great.
Thanks, Dave.
Hi, Mike.
I figured you'd get the munchies sooner or later so I whipped up a whole mess of oatmeal scotchies.
Only cooked halfway, so they're nice and chewy.
Thanks, Shelly.
So long, Mike.
So long, Holling.
Mike? Hey, Joel.
These are for you.
It's various blood chemistry tests and your IgE work.
Every sputum and nasal micro exam we did, it's all right there.
My file.
I had almost forgotten about that urticarial rash back in November.
You wanted to hospitalize me.
Seems like a million years ago.
Yeah.
Thanks, this means a lot.
Why don't you do me a favor and carry a spare Decadron Respihaler, with you, okay? Maybe some synophylate as well.
Just as a precaution.
You have my word.
Be well, Mike.
Bye.
Well, this is it.
At least I know I'll be warm and dry.
Thank you, thank you all.
By 1100 hours tomorrow morning I'll be steaming toward the Arctic Circle.
But Murmansk, well, everybody, that's just the beginning.
I'm starting a journey that will take me from the rain forests of Brazil to the poisoned water of the Vistula.
To you, who have made this moment possible, I give my solemn oath that wherever there's a toxic landfill, I'll be there.
Wherever there's a fast-breeder plutonium reactor I'll be there.
I'll be where particulates and sulfur dioxide fall to the ground as acid rain.
I'll be where petroleum derivatives are seeping into the aquifers.
Where the smallest refrigeration unit is leaking hydrofluorocarbons I'll be there.
So, my dear friends, "Fare thee well.
"And if for ever, still for ever "fare thee well.
" You better write.
I will.
I'll never forget you, Mike.
I love you, Maggie.
Go get 'em, Mike!
Your big old honey bear is all clean and cuddly, Shelly.
Hey, you know, Holling it's like all this time I've been walking around with my eyes closed.
How so, honey? Those ugly drapes.
Look at them.
And the deer's head, and these paint-by-number pictures.
Hmm.
I hate them.
You do? And that clunky old chest.
The cactus lamp and that ratty old dusty halibut.
You never seemed to mind these things before.
I wasn't married before.
Holling, I'm not some little shack job from Saskatoon anymore.
I'm Mrs.
Shelly Tambo-Vincoeur.
A wife.
I may look like the same hot dudette chick I always was but inside, I'm changed.
I'm way changed.
Different.
You are? Oh, yeah.
Like totally.
Changed how? Well, I don't know exactly but some things matter to me that didn't used to.
Like? Like separating the white clothes from the dark when we do the wash.
Like making the bed before we go down to work.
Like having my house reflect my inner me.
Look at this, H.
The Roger E.
Bennetts of Rye, New York took a cheesy suburban home and turned it into the country farmhouse they always dreamed of.
They added this wainscoting stuff or whatever and a covered porch, and this lattice hut thing in the back yard.
Now they're so into their place they don't even go away on vacations.
Are you saying you'd like to redecorate my place? What do you say? Well, sure.
Why don't you go out and buy some new things, have a good time? Oh, babe, you are the coolest.
Oh, can't swap skin now, Big H.
Got to hit the catalogs.
Well, hello, Maurice.
Shh, listen.
It's here.
It is? Yeah, you bet.
Oh, great.
What is? That is, Ed.
Whoa, it's a house.
A moving house.
That house is on wheels.
Yeah.
But it's not just any house on wheels.
That is a historical landmark.
That domicile was home for a future Mercury astronaut.
I grew up there.
Really? You betcha.
The Oklahoma Department of Transportation was gonna tear that down to make room for an exit on a highway.
Soon as I got wind of that I got on the horn to the Tulsa Historical Society and offered it to them free.
Hell, I even offered to pay the moving costs.
You Mr.
Minnifield? Yeah, that's me.
You know what they said? Nope.
They said they didn't have room.
Well, Oklahoma's loss is Cicely's gain, as far as I'm concerned.
So, where do you want it? Huh? Oh, yeah.
Just go on out of town.
I'll get my car and get in front of you and lead you to it.
All righty.
Excuse me.
Shelly, did you get my order? Hi, let me have a turkey club on whole wheat cottage cheese, no chips, and a cup of coffee as well, please.
Shelly? How do you feel about Gothic revival, Dr.
Fleischman? What's that? Check out this bodacious sitting room.
Folio table, chapel screen, needlepoint rug.
Metropolitan Home, huh? I didn't know you were into design.
Me neither, until somebody left a copy of House Beautiful in the john.
I started reading it, just zoned.
Yeah? Pretty gnarly, huh? I don't know.
To tell you the truth I kind of find this Gothic clutter kind of stifling.
Yeah? Yeah.
I think at this point in my life, I'm more of a minimalist, you know? Clean, sharp lines, very spare a lot of angles, light, open spaces.
Shelly? Ooh, this rococo stuff is pretty cool, too.
All the little baby angels and stuff.
Ooh.
Nice shot.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, don't you look like the cat that ate the canary.
What's this? Open it up.
Lab results.
Joel just gave them to me.
Guess what my eosinophil count is? Fifty percent? White count, T cells, they're all in the green zone.
That's incredible.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow.
Your hematocrit's at the top of the range.
Your serum electrolytes, too.
Your sodium, potassium chloride? Mmm-hmm.
You know what this means? Uh-huh.
Mike, this means you're- Normal.
Healthy.
May, 1918.
Thomas Jefferson Minnifield returns from the fields of France.
While recovering from a mustard gas attack he wins the hands of his nurse.
One Nancy Perkins, a former Miss Tulsa.
Together, the two of them sink the family flag in 400 acres of Oklahoma hardscrabble.
You see that window up there? Uh-huh.
Arthur, my father, was born in that bedroom.
Then 20 years later, young Maurice Minnifield drew his first sweet breaths of life.
Cool.
Mmm-hmm.
Right back here was my mother's flower garden.
White daffodils, tulips and the most beautiful yellow marigolds between Tulsa and Oologah.
I don't see any flowers, Maurice.
Well, of course not.
They ceased to exist years ago.
They only exist in my mind's eye.
Oh.
Very pretty.
Yeah.
Now, you see that windowpane up there? Yep.
My brother, Malcolm, once fired a crab apple through there when we were having a pitched battle with the Wilson boys.
The folks were away on errands at the time.
Ah, Adventures in Babysitting.
Huh? Oh, yeah, you know the house is a mess, parents are due to arrive any second and Elisabeth Shue doesn't have a moment to spare.
Anyway, Malcolm and I puttied in a spare pane and got it in just as the folks drove up.
Way to go, Maurice.
That's as far as you go, Ed.
I need a little privacy, if you don't mind.
Sure, Maurice.
Thanks for showing me the outside of your house.
You know, I especially enjoyed the imaginary flowerbed.
Don't mention it.
Yeah, Mike and I are celebrating his recovery with pizza.
Pizza? He hasn't had a pizza for six years, if you can believe that.
Those nitrates in the pepperoni and the enzymes in the mozzarella his system couldn't handle it.
Uh-huh, right.
What? Look, take my word for it, O'Connell Mike could handle pizza, he could've inhaled mozzarella he could've mainlined pepperoni.
Oh, Fleischman, I thought you were beyond that.
Hey, O'Connell, as much as I like Mike my medical opinion of him has never wavered.
I mean, his condition, be it in remission or full-blown is purely psychogenic.
You just can't get over it, can you? Over what? The fact that Mike and I are happy together.
Don't make me gag, O'Connell.
Fleischman, look.
You just have this very fragile ego so that if you're unhappy, everybody has to be unhappy.
That's not true.
I think it's touching.
I mean, I think it's endearing that two emotional cripples can find each other to lean on for support.
That'll be $9.
45, dear.
I mean, it's a textbook case of codependency.
You got Mike over here who has a sad, chronic need to be taken care of and then there's you over here who has a sad, chronic need to be needed.
It's perfect, I mean You know, Fleischman any other day, I might haul off and belt you one for a statement like that but I'm not going to.
I'm not gonna rise to the bait.
I'm not gonna even nibble.
You know why? Because actually, I feel some pity for you.
I mean, here I have this romantic date with somebody I really care about and you, well, you don't.
See you, Ruth-Anne.
Bye.
Hello? Anybody home? Mike? Unbelievable.
Six million barrels.
Sorry? "A single-hulled tanker foundered off the coast of Newfoundland.
"Six million barrels of crude oil washed up on shore "fouling 20 miles of an extremely delicate marine ecosystem.
" Mike, that's horrible.
Yeah, and get a load of this.
The air in Mexico City is so toxic and so dangerous that US diplomats who serve there are actually given combat pay.
Really? What in the hell was I thinking, Ed? I'm not sure, Mike.
How can I, of all people continue leading a normal life a life of simple, everyday pleasures of creature comforts, romantic involvement when we are all on the verge of Armageddon? The final battle between good and evil.
It was easy to sit things out when I was sick.
But I'm well again, Ed.
I've been given a second chance.
How am I gonna spend it? Mowing the lawn? Locking into a 30-year fixed at eight and a half? Indulging in candlelit pizza dinners and cuddling in front of a fire? Or making a difference out there? You know, there is something just so great about pizza.
I don't know what it is.
I think it's the toasty crust and the squishy sauce and the cheese and the way it all comes together to make a perfect three-point landing in your mouth.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Are you ready? Are you ready? There you go.
I can't believe you've been deprived of this for all these years.
It must be like getting out of jail out of solitary confinement.
Yeah.
You know, it really makes me appreciate all those things I took for granted.
You know, like a fire on a cold night or the smell of freshly washed curtains in your window or the smell of cut grass after you just mow the lawn.
Now we're gonna be able to share all these things.
The pizza, the trip to Cordova.
It's just the beginning.
Is something wrong? I have to go.
What? I have to leave.
Mike, it's just It's like 8:30.
I have to leave Cicely.
You have to leave Cicely? Yes.
Alaska? Yes.
Why? Maggie, I was a victim of environmental abuse.
I was almost roadkill.
Flattened by the speeding big rig of environmental degradation.
Of all people how can I stand by and watch while others are sacrificing? Fighting to save the rain forests, wetlands, arable savannas.
Mike, you just got your health back.
Right.
I got it back.
I've been given a second chance.
I have to believe there's a reason for that.
But, Mike, that doesn't mean you have to leave Alaska.
You know, there's a pipeline demonstration in Valdez next week.
Why don't we go up there? You know, we can handcuff ourselves to the processing station.
What do you think about that? What? What's this? "Michael Monroe, report to Captain Peterson aboard the Sirius in Murmansk "12th of April, Murmansk? Russia? That's 200 kilometers north of the Arctic Circle.
We'll be investigating alleged dumping of used nuclear reactors in the Barents Sea.
"We"? Greenpeace and me.
They need a lawyer, Maggie.
And with my unique sensitivity to toxic effluents I'll be able to monitor all kinds of pollutants from radioactive isotopes to petrochemical sludge.
I think you should leave now.
Maggie, look- Look, Mike- I'm sorry, I just Mike, I just think you should go.
For those of you who haven't heard Mike Monroe is packing a footlocker and rucksack and heading up to frosty Murmansk, Russia.
That's right, Cicely, our own environmental crusader is leaving us to take on the hydra-headed monster of chemical devastation now threatening the biosphere and I think we can all do our part by buying Ruth-Anne's victory ribbons specially made from recycled Christmas wrap available at Ruth-Anne's store or The Brick.
Help send Mike to the front.
Wear the green, people.
Elsewhere on the KBHR bulletin board "Mort Carlson leads his annual caribou hunt next month "improving on last year's expedition.
"This year's package includes all meals and portable heaters.
" Go ahead and give Mort a call for details.
Mike, this one's for you, buddy.
Thank you for your contribution, Dave.
You're welcome.
How about a ribbon, Joel? It'll help Mike buy his dry suit.
Oh, God, you know, I heard about this, Ruth-Anne and I was really hoping it was a joke.
Every contribution above $15 gets you a premium.
A premium on what? $20 entitles you to a T-shirt.
$25 fetches a tote bag and $50 gets you the special CD package.
I don't believe this.
I mean, please tell me.
What is wrong with you people? This is just It's like some collective cabin fever or something.
How much can we put you down for? Ruth-Anne, look, I like Mike as much as the next guy but we're dealing with a very unstable individual here.
Mike is going to be in some very cold water, Joel.
He's gonna need that dry suit.
I tell you, Ruth-Anne, you drive a hard bargain.
Mmm-hmm.
You missed your calling.
You should have been in fund raising.
$3? Lowell Grippo put in $20 and you know what an awful year this has been for kayak rentals.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Don't you want your ribbon? That's the paper for the bedroom.
All the way back on the right.
Slip covers? Cool, follow him.
Mrs.
Vincoeur.
The bathroom trim, was that the Mandalay or the Camellia? Camellia.
Remember, we can't use the Mandalay.
It's got that tick of lemon in it.
Oh, right.
Right.
Shelly? We lost our water down here.
You know anything about it, hon? Sorry, babe.
Plumber's putting in the new commode.
It will only be about an hour.
Cover for me, will you, H.
? I don't trust those carpet guys.
Hey, hey, watch those walls.
Don't scratch them.
Okay, no problem.
Sweet gherkins, peanut butter eggs, artichoke hearts.
We got your oatmeal, instant breakfast drink water-packed tuna.
Ed? Yeah? Why don't we ever learn? I mean, it's always the same old story, isn't it? I mean, just when you think you're getting close when there's a glimmer of hope that you might finally have something lasting they're out the door.
Well - No, I know.
I should've known.
But, you know, it's just I don't know, he sucked me in.
He just seemed different.
Hmm.
He seemed so caring and so open and not in that wimpy, manipulative sort of way but in that honest, man's-man kind of way.
Huh.
You know what really got me, what really hooked me? Was that after we slept together, he didn't change.
You know how so many men, after you sleep with them, they kind of just withdraw? You know, they think they owe you something, or the intimacy scares them? But not Mike.
I mean, Mike didn't get spooked.
Uh-uh.
I mean, if anything, we were closer.
Well, not that the sex was that great.
I mean, Mike was definitely a by-the-books kind of guy.
I mean, no whipped cream, no kitchen tables, anything like that but, I mean, that was okay.
I mean, that gave us a place to go, you know? Well, Maggie.
Yeah? That's gonna be $14.
30.
Oh.
Yeah, well, anyway I guess the thing that hurt the most, Ed, is that I didn't see it coming.
I mean, who would've known? I guess underneath all that ecology and classical music and house plants he's just like all the rest of them.
Ah, men.
Exactly.
See you.
See you.
It's a fine thing you're doing, my boy.
Thank you, sir.
Believe you me, if I were 20 years younger I'd pack my kit and fall in right behind you.
Yes, sir.
You know, back in '55 a few buddies and I sugared the gasoline tanks of some bulldozers- Excuse me, sir.
Maggie, look, about last night- I can't talk right now, Mike.
Maybe I didn't explain myself very well.
I've got a charter to Skagway.
I've got oil to change.
Look, I know I should have discussed this with you first.
Hey, not at all.
I mean, we didn't have any kind of commitment, you're a free agent.
You know, you can do what you like.
No, no.
Maggie, Maggie, come on.
That's not true.
This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life.
Can't we just sit down somewhere and talk? I said I've got to go.
My dad papered this whole house himself.
Wow.
Look at this flooring here, Chris.
This is heart pine.
You can't get that anymore.
They leveled all those trees in the name of Western expansion.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Yeah.
Where did you get all this stuff, Maurice? Oh, I put all this in storage after Mother died.
I was gonna go through it and donate it to Goodwill, but I never got around to it.
Oh, look at this.
Mother made this right after Malcolm was born.
We called it our flying carpet.
With a running start you could slide all the way across this room on it.
Oh, I cracked my brainpan on this hearth one time.
Twelve stitches and more blood than you'd think a 10-year-old had in him.
Wore that scar as a badge of honor.
This your old mitt? No.
That's Malcolm's.
Oh, what do you want me to do with this? Oh, just hang it over there by the staircase.
I can see him now.
Working that neat's-foot oil in hour after hour after hour.
It's almost like he's here.
Like he could almost come sliding down that banister sidesaddle like he used to do.
Petite madeleine.
Hmm? It's a French pastry.
It was Marcel Proust's favorite when he was a little kid and when he was in his his whole childhood come rushing back to him.
Out pops 16 volumes of Remembrance of Things Past.
And then, of course he spent the last 15 years of his life in a cork-lined bedroom.
Don't peek.
I can't see anything anyway, Shelly.
Ow! Careful, H.
Okay, ready? It's not quite done yet.
I'm still waiting on a pink shag throw rug.
So, what do you think? Do you love it? Say something, Holling! Well You hate it.
No.
No, no, Shelly.
It just takes a little while to absorb it all.
Is that my Athabaskan footstool? I gave that to the painters.
It was just so Pacific Northwest grunge.
Didn't go with the total, you know Hey, did you see this lampshade with the tassels? And how about these matching art pieces made with real seashells? That is very interesting.
So, now that you've had time to absorb everything what do you think? I Well I like it.
You like it? You mean, really like it? Oh I love it.
Really? Cross your heart and hope to die? Stick a needle in my eye.
Wings over England but these are wings of the RAF.
American-built bombers outward bound for daylight raids upon the continent.
Raids to repay the Nazis tenfold for their wanton attacks upon defenseless cities.
Attention! Seats, please.
Okay, people.
The Germans are resupplying their entire front in the Ardennes through this bridge at Oberlahnstein.
It is heavily defended on both banks of the Rhine with anti-aircraft batteries.
However, we believe a single light bomber flying at night low enough to avoid radar might just have a chance of taking out this bridge.
Now, I need a volunteer.
A single volunteer for that light bomber.
Who's it gonna be? Men, I would like to point out this is not just a single-span suspension bridge.
No, sir.
This is the Minotaur! Medusa! The Cyclops! Have we not read our Joseph Campbell? I am talking about The Hero's Journey.
Separation, initiation, and return.
"A hero ventures forth from the world of common day "into a region of supernatural wonder.
"Fabulous forces are there encountered "and a decisive victory is won.
"The hero comes back with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.
" Boons, sir? Gifts.
Both literal and metaphorical.
Psychologically, the hero's exploits form a context so that we can all better understand our own individual natures.
I'll do it.
Mike? I'll take out that bridge.
Mike, it's suicide.
You'll get killed.
Maggie, you heard what the major said.
Remember your comparative mythology? Perseus, Rama, King Arthur.
A culture needs its heroes.
Exactly.
Yeah, but why you? Why not me? Good luck, Monroe.
Thank you, sir.
I'll go check on my ordinance.
Mike.
See you, Maggie.
Mike.
Well, hello, Marilyn.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that Donald Summer's coming in at 3:00.
He's got a carbuncle on his left leg.
I'm going to incise it.
So you need to sterilize a scalpel with a number 11 blade.
Also I'm gonna need some mosquito clamps, dressings saline solution and a bulb syringe, if you would.
Oh, my birthday was over a month ago and there wasn't a word, not a card.
So I think it's a little late to try to appease me with a sweater.
Besides, when was the last time you saw me wearing pea green? It's not for you.
No? Who's it for? It's for Mike.
Mike Monroe? You're knitting a sweater for Mike Monroe? You hardly know the guy.
I don't understand.
What about me? I mean, I'm your friend.
I'm your confidant, your employer.
You've never knitted me a pair of socks, let alone a sweater.
Mike's an eagle.
He's a what? He's a hero.
Mike Monroe is a hero? No, Marilyn.
No, I'll tell you, a hero is Jonas Salk.
That's a hero.
Norman Schwarzkopf, Reggie Jackson.
Not a hypochondriac who cruises the Barents Sea with a bunch of tree huggers.
That is not an eagle, I'm sorry.
You're jealous.
What's that? I'm jealous? Uh-huh.
You know, it's very interesting.
If I say the least little thing about Mike that might be construed as negative or critical suddenly, I have a problem, right? Suddenly, I have a fragile little ego, and I'm jealous.
Uh-huh.
You have a minute, Joel? No, I don't, unless Marilyn has finished with her probing psychological evaluation of me.
I am.
Well, thank you very much.
After you.
Why don't you take your coat off and have a seat there.
So what seems to be the trouble? I'm blocked, Joel.
Blocked? My entrails.
Nothing seems to be moving down there.
What do you mean? You mean you're constipated? Yeah.
Well, how long has it been since you had an evacuation? I count two days now.
Two days? Uh-huh.
That's not very long.
How often do you usually go? Once a day, directly after my morning coffee.
Well, I mean, surely you must skip a day every now and then? No.
You never skip a day? Never.
Not one, ever? Not in 63 years.
That's incredible.
Wait a minute, you're telling me you've moved your bowels once a day, every day I mean, come rain or shine, for your entire life? Yes.
That's Wow, every day.
Well, how's your diet? You getting enough roughage? Fruits, vegetables? Shelly made up a big Waldorf salad just last night.
Polished off most of it myself.
Any change in your lifestyle? My lifestyle? Yeah, you know, anything different? Changed? Well, there's the pink gingham canopy over the bed.
Pink canopy? And the scalloped curtains, and the shag wall to wall and the chaise percée over the john.
What are you talking about? I don't understand.
Shelly has been redecorating my Our place.
Uh-huh.
I can understand why she wants to put a brand on the place, Joel but giving away my Athabaskan footstool I have a hard time with that.
Yeah, of course, Holling.
That's probably why you're backed up.
I mean, it's not uncommon, actually.
You have an unfamiliar surrounding.
It's like a person in an airplane or a hotel room, you know? Or even a strange toilet seat can make someone irregular.
I mean, when I was first exiled here I was plugged up for a week.
The surroundings are not just unfamiliar, Joel they're Well, they're Feminine? I tell you Ed brought over some groceries.
He said it looked like something out of Bye Bye Birdie.
Well, look, I'd really rather not prescribe any unnecessary medications at this point.
My advice to you is to just put your foot down.
You know, let her know who wears the pants.
You mean Yeah, tell her you want your stool back.
Eight, nine and one makes 10.
Thank you very much.
Mike? Yes, Dave? What is this? It's an NSA water purification system.
It hooks up right under the sink.
Has a activated carbon filter which takes out chlorine, fluoride, lead, etc.
How about giardia? A colony of beavers spent most of the summer camping out in my finger of the lake.
Giardia, E.
coli, it'll get out most bacteria.
And it comes with replacement filters.
I mean, there's enough to get you through the rest of the century.
I'll take it.
Great.
Mike.
Hey, Ed.
I'm glad you stopped by.
I have something for you.
Oh, your leftover surgical scrubs.
Yeah, I thought maybe you could use them in your movies.
Well, thanks, Mike, but I'm not gonna be needing them.
No? No, you see, Mike I wanna go with you.
With me? On the ship? Yep, you see, I've been thinking, Mike.
It's like Casablanca.
You remember how Rick doesn't wanna get involved.
He just wants to run his Cafe American.
But when the Germans are gonna arrest Paul Henreid well, he just realizes that all his troubles they don't amount to a hill of beans.
So, what's he do? He shoots Conrad Veidt and goes off with Claude Rains to join the Free French at Brazzaville.
Ed, I appreciate what you're trying to do.
I do, but you can't come with me.
But, Mike, I'm very well suited to this kind of life.
See, I have no family obligations plus I can fall asleep almost anywhere.
Ed, you can't come with me.
You're needed here.
I am? Yeah, yeah.
Don't you see? Someone has to stay behind and remind people what this is all about.
To organize the recycling, and carpools and go to the market with his own sack.
To use cloth napkins and unbleached toilet paper to mulch, to insulate, to use flow restrictors.
I hadn't thought about that, Mike.
Oh, yeah.
And with your talents, you have an additional responsibility.
To keep making your movies.
To show people what's happening.
To open up their eyes and their minds.
Each of us has to serve where he can do the most good.
And for you, that's Cicely, Alaska.
You're right, Mike.
Thanks.
Hey, Maurice.
Found it.
Well, it's about time, Stevens.
Come on, give it to me.
Hey, what are you doing in there? I just remembered what's been eating at me.
It's right in here, my secret hiding place.
I was watching Ruth-Anne's cash drawer slide out and the memory of it just came just clear to me as the mile-high sky.
"If you want the treasury, use this guide.
"Fourth tread, stringer side.
" Ah, mnemonic device.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Hey.
Look at this.
Still here.
Yeah, there we go.
Just the way I left it.
"I'm one of Hoppy's rangers.
" Is this yours? It's my box, Stevens.
Everything in here is mine.
With the exception of these.
Fish? These were Malcolm's.
Malcolm loved these fish.
He named each one of them.
Skippy, Frank, Spalding, and Lucky.
Aw.
Every night before he'd go to bed he'd line them up on his bedside table.
And I stole them.
The mind reels at the vindictiveness and cruelty young people are capable of.
Mike? Maggie.
Hey, is this a bad time? No, I was just packing.
Well, you know, because if you're busy, I- No, no, no.
Please come on in.
Can I get you something to drink? No.
I mean, I just came to you know, say goodbye.
Oh.
Yeah, and I just wanted to let you know that I think what you're doing is great and important, and courageous.
You do? You really do? Yes, I do.
And someday, when kids ask me who lived in that bubble outside of town covered with lichen and wild clematis I'll tell them that Mike Monroe lived there.
Just about the bravest man I ever knew.
Not me.
You.
Me? You're the brave one, Maggie.
Brave enough to see past the surgical gloves and the strained vegetables and the inhalers and see that deep down, I could be healthy, I could be whole.
You inspired me to stick with my antigen injections to take that first step out of my bubble breathe unfiltered air.
You made me keep pushing the edge of the envelope to try dressing on my salad Scrabble without my gloves.
If it hadn't been for you, I never would have dared to wear cotton-poly-blend shirts or brush my teeth with a fluoride paste.
Yes, you would have.
You would have done all those things without me.
No, Maggie.
If it hadn't been for you I'd still be a prisoner in this dome.
I'll help you pack.
Here you go.
You can start right here.
Oh, this is rich.
The Cicely Choral Society is giving a benefit performance for Mike tonight.
I need to check my psych book see if they've documented any similar cases of mass hysteria.
He's here.
Who's here? Mike.
Mike Monroe? Mike's here? Hello, Joel.
Mike.
Hi.
Is anything wrong? No, no, not at all.
Then what I came here to thank you.
Yeah, well, look- Listen, I know that you've always harbored some serious doubts about my condition.
It's okay, it's okay.
You thought I was wacko, you probably still do.
The thing is, no matter what your feelings were you always provided me with excellent medical care.
And I really want you to know, Joel I think that you're a first-rate physician.
Well that's I appreciate that, thank you.
And as a token of my appreciation I'd like you to have this.
Your IPPB respirator? I thought maybe you could use it.
Are you kidding? Bird 6400 ST with compressor and blender? Ever since my pulmonary rotation I've dreamed of ventilating a patient with one of these.
Man, I don't even know what to say.
That's Thank you.
Well, listen, there is something I'd like you to do for me.
Hey, name it.
Be there for Maggie.
Look, I don't know when I'm coming back, Joel.
The truth is, I don't know if I'm coming back.
Oh, you'll be back.
Of course you'll be back.
And look I'm the last person that O'Connell would want to be there or here or anywhere for.
Joel.
You and I both know that there's something between you two.
No.
No, no, really.
I mean, she's crazy about you.
And me and O'Connell we can't be in the same room together without drawing blood.
The only thing between us is a mutual acrimony.
Be there for her.
Okay? Okay.
See you.
Hi, Maurice.
Mal.
Better not spill that on Mom's good sofa.
No, no, I'll No, I'll be careful.
You got big, Maurice.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Look at that, Mal.
I'd forgotten that water stain on the ceiling from when the tub ran over.
You used to say it looked like a pony's head.
Yeah.
Those are the ears, and there's the mane.
Mal? Yeah? Do you remember that fishing pond game you used to have? The one with the little poles metal fish, magnets at the end of the line? I lost the fish.
No, I took them.
It was probably the last time you had a chance to play with them.
I just want you to know that I'm sorry, Malcolm.
I'm truly sorry.
It's okay.
Hey, Holling? It's open.
Holy cow.
It's a change, isn't it? Change? Holling, it doesn't even begin to describe this.
I mean, this is Pink.
Yeah.
Careful you don't bump into those little glass unicorns.
Wow, Holling, Holling.
I gotta tell you, I mean, this would bind me up.
I mean, it would totally tie me up.
My colon would be tied in knots.
I mean No man could move his bowels in here.
Have you said anything yet? No.
Well, are you regular yet? No.
Still bound up like a rusty vice.
You know I planned on laying it on the line with Shelly, Joel, I truly did but when I looked into her big blue eyes I saw just how happy and content she is now.
Nesting like a November spruce hen making a home for the two of us.
So I held my tongue.
Yeah, well, I mean, that's big of you but you gotta be in a lot of discomfort by now.
I intend to acclimate, Joel.
Acclimate? Like those fellows that climb Mount McKinley.
They don't scale the mountain all at once.
They go up a little at a time.
Come back down, go up further, come back.
It's a slow process, but eventually they get up to 20,000 feet.
Breathing without the aid of an oxygen mask.
Well I'll tell you what, in case the process is a little slower than you think I'll send over some Dulcolax, okay? It's pretty mild, so you don't have to worry.
I appreciate it.
Don't mention it.
Hi.
Mike, whoa.
In my experience, you shouldn't travel without these two things.
Eye shades and an elastic clothesline.
Thanks, Ruth-Anne.
You're welcome.
Bye, dear.
Bye-bye.
I'll carry that.
Oh, thanks, Dave.
The latest Judith Krantz.
Not just a woman's book, a real page-turner.
Oh, great.
Thanks, Dave.
Hi, Mike.
I figured you'd get the munchies sooner or later so I whipped up a whole mess of oatmeal scotchies.
Only cooked halfway, so they're nice and chewy.
Thanks, Shelly.
So long, Mike.
So long, Holling.
Mike? Hey, Joel.
These are for you.
It's various blood chemistry tests and your IgE work.
Every sputum and nasal micro exam we did, it's all right there.
My file.
I had almost forgotten about that urticarial rash back in November.
You wanted to hospitalize me.
Seems like a million years ago.
Yeah.
Thanks, this means a lot.
Why don't you do me a favor and carry a spare Decadron Respihaler, with you, okay? Maybe some synophylate as well.
Just as a precaution.
You have my word.
Be well, Mike.
Bye.
Well, this is it.
At least I know I'll be warm and dry.
Thank you, thank you all.
By 1100 hours tomorrow morning I'll be steaming toward the Arctic Circle.
But Murmansk, well, everybody, that's just the beginning.
I'm starting a journey that will take me from the rain forests of Brazil to the poisoned water of the Vistula.
To you, who have made this moment possible, I give my solemn oath that wherever there's a toxic landfill, I'll be there.
Wherever there's a fast-breeder plutonium reactor I'll be there.
I'll be where particulates and sulfur dioxide fall to the ground as acid rain.
I'll be where petroleum derivatives are seeping into the aquifers.
Where the smallest refrigeration unit is leaking hydrofluorocarbons I'll be there.
So, my dear friends, "Fare thee well.
"And if for ever, still for ever "fare thee well.
" You better write.
I will.
I'll never forget you, Mike.
I love you, Maggie.
Go get 'em, Mike!