Northern Exposure s05e20 Episode Script

A Wing and a Prayer

Oh, hello, Lulu.
Got somethin' for ya.
See ya later.
"Bathe my window, make it flow, melt it as the ice will go,· "Melt the glass and leave the sticks like a hermit's crucifix,· "Burst into my narrow stall,· Swing the picture on the wall,· "Run the rattling pages o'er,· Scatter poems on the floor,· Turn the poet out the door.
" That was the good poet Frost.
This is C.
Stevens on K-Bear.
Spring has sprung.
Free at last, people.
Free at last.
Thank you, Mother Nature.
We're free at last.
Time to toss open that metaphorical window and check out that psychic landscape.
See lots of possibilities budding out there.
It's time to hoe those rows, feed that seed.
Hey! Pretty soon, you get a garden.
Maurice, guess what? It's here! The truck.
The truck.
The truck's across the street.
Oh, that was quick.
Need yourJohn Hancock.
Great.
Where do I sign? Whoa.
Hold on.
Let me get a piece count.
It's all here, friend.
Okay, hurry up, Maurice.
I want to get started.
What are you getting started with? Hey, Fleischman.
My plane.
It's a Titan Tornado.
It's in the truck.
You're tellin' me there's an airplane in this truck? Yes.
Well, we have to build it first.
All there.
Six out of six.
Hold on here.
Explain something to me.
You guys are-You're building a plane? Is that it? Is this not a- a profession? You know, Boeing and Lockheed and McDonnell Douglas? It's a home kit.
Sky's full of'em.
I've been looking at the ads for years, and finally I decided, why not go for it? Maggie came by all excited, and I thought, well, it'd be a hoot.
Oh, gotta go.
Okay, remember- rivet gun, socket wrench.
Okay? See ya, Fleischman.
I gotta make a couple of New York calls.
I'll be right with you.
Okay.
Hey, Eugene! Hey, Ed.
No, Eugene.
We got those English walnuts in you like so well.
But I just can't hold 'em for you.
They're gonna go fast.
Okay.
Right! All right! One can of whole English walnuts.
I toast 'em for salads.
Ruth-Anne likes to eat 'em plain, like M&M's.
Good that way.
Yeah.
Ruth-Anne's not here, though.
Well, Ruth-Anne's been late a lot lately.
Well, with other stuff.
Well, you don't know, do you? What? - About Ruth-Anne and Walt.
- What about 'em? Well, I saw 'em this morning when I was on my paper route.
They were having breakfast in her kitchen.
Yeah? It was early, Eugene.
Walt's in his long johns, Ruth-Anne's in her bathrobe.
Oh.
No kidding? Yeah! And you know what she told me yesterday? That her battery was dead.
Sounds to me like she has plenty of charge.
Yeah! And you know what else? She kissed him.
Oh.
A little morning action, huh? "Come here, Walt.
Gimme a jump start.
" Yeah.
Ruth-Anne and Walt.
Well, maybe you better not tell anybody about this, Eugene.
You know what I mean.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Don't worry about it.
Thanks, Eugene.
No biggie.
Your huevos rancheros are up.
- Shelly? - Where is he, Holling? He said today.
Think he had a flat? Maybe somebody croaked.
He'll be here, hon.
He's got Saint Christopher riding shotgun on the dashboard, doesn't he? Holling.
And none of that Martin Luther stuff, either.
Father McKerry's coming all the way from Fairbanks to baptize Randi, not to hear you dis God.
I'll see to your egg plates.
Wait! There's a Winnebago.
I think it's him.
It's him! That's him! Oh, my God.
He's coming this way.
Randi.
Okay, babe, let's get you cleaned up here.
Okay.
Holling.
Holling.
Apron.
Ditch it.
And nice to Father McKerry, okay? P's and Q's.
Honest.
Here he comes.
- Father McKerry? - Yes.
Hello.
I'm Shelly Vincoeur.
I'm the mom.
It's very nice to meet you, Shelly.
- And I'm Holling Vincoeur.
Good to know you, Father.
- And you're the- Husband.
Father.
Of Randi, Father.
Our daughter's father.
He's not Catholic, but he's a real nice person.
And Randi's going to be Catholic.
Right, Holling? No harm that I can see.
So we have a, uh, mixed marriage, then? - And your faith, Holling? - Nothing organized, Father.
But his mother was a Huguenot.
That's a French kind.
Ah.
My mother died young, though, and my father- Well, let's just say he was not what you'd call the devout sort.
Holling, I'll bet Father McKerry would like a cold ham plate after that long drive.
And put on a new pot of coffee for him, too.
Ham plate.
Comin' up.
Well, we got a real eager beaver here, huh? Hey, Maurice.
Cracking open those cases, laying everything out.
I emptied the first three crates.
With two of us unpacking, I bet we can finish the inventory, set the fuselage and start fitting the skins together by tonight.
Hold on, Maggie.
I've gotta get oriented here.
You want to bring me up to speed? Oh, right.
Okay, sorry, Maurice.
Um, well, I've been laying everything out by parts groups, right? Aft to fore.
Uh-huh.
Sounds S.
O.
P.
Stabiliator parts, aileron section.
Good.
Good.
Yeah? And the wing, which is a fast-option build, well, I've set that aside because that'll be last to mount.
Well, that's good.
That's a very good job, dear.
Thank you.
She's going to be a beauty.
Have you got the D-92 handy? Yeah, right here.
Thank you.
Let's see what we've got here.
We got the, uh, stabilator.
Check.
Uh, nose fork bushings- Yep, there they are.
Ailerons.
Check.
Yeah, well, Maurice, I already checked it.
See? Mm-hmm.
Well, that's the key to any operation, Maggie- you know, inventory.
Well, that's very odd.
What? That propeller there.
I can see it leaned up here, but I don't see it checked off the list.
Oh.
Well, that's probably because I just set this out when you got here.
Besides, Maurice, this is one part we're not going to forget.
I mean, you can't really get off the ground without it, right? You can joke all you want to.
But attention to detail on every facet of this operation is important, because that's what keeps us airborne.
I know.
You're right.
You're right.
Like I told my ground crew at Lom Pon- the pencil is every bit as important as the rivet gun.
The rivet gun is every bit as important as the machine gun.
Absolutely.
You know what would speed things up? Why don't I unpack, call out the parts, and you check 'em off, huh? All in good time, Maggie.
I've got to familiarize myself with that manual first.
Ed, I'll do the cooler windows today.
If you want, you can knock off early.
Oh, thanks, Ruth-Anne.
I've been on such a tardy streak lately that you've had to pick up the slack.
I don't mind.
That stupid alarm clock of mine this morning.
I swear I set it for 6:00.
Must've just forgot.
Oh.
I'm going to come clean.
It wasn't the alarm clock.
No? And it wasn't my DieHard, and it wasn't a burst pipe.
I've been wanting to tell you because, after all, you are my closest friend.
Why, tell me what, Ruth-Anne? Well, I've been seeing quite a bit of Walt lately.
Really? Oh, I know, he's not really my type.
But I tell you, Ed, he just bowled me over.
The man wouldn't take no for an answer.
Well, you are a pretty nice old lady, Ruth-Anne.
Oh, who knows where this thing is going to go, anyway.
It's ridiculous.
But, for God's sake, don't tell anybody.
Right.
It's no big deal, really.
But you know how people are.
Why give them the ammunition? Yeah.
Father McKerry.
Whoa! Ah, it feels like we can get by with just a jacket today, huh? Yeah.
Chris Stevens, D.
D.
S.
, Universal Life Church.
Uh, Rolling Stone classifieds, if I'm not mistaken.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, I, uh- I pick up all the spiritual slack around here, you know- uh, marriages and funerals and crisis counseling.
Uh-huh.
But, uh, you guys- Nobody comes close to the Catholic Church.
You know, the Sistine Chapel, the Holy See.
Right? The whole- The whole papacy.
Right? What an infrastructure.
Your guys' mass- so beatific.
Offertory, penitentia.
Gloria in excelsis Deo, right? Thank you very much, Reverend.
Well, thank you.
Listen, this baptism comin' up- I'd do anything to get in that starting lineup.
I have my own thurible.
take care of the votives, just kind of be your altar boy.
Well, that's very nice of you.
Hey! I was hoping you'd say that.
Look, you won't be disappointed.
Believe me.
All right? All right.
Ed, I'm in the baptism.
Chance to learn from the best! That's great, Chris.
Hey, Eugene.
Off to work, huh? Same old.
Yeah, same old same old.
Uh, remember that thing we were talking about yesterday? Yesterday? Well, never mind.
It's not important.
Oh, yeah.
Those two gray panthers.
Why? What's the latest? Well, there isn't any, Eugene.
And, see, I was thinkin' there wasn't any either.
In fact, I was just probably pretty wrong about the whole thing.
Right? What do you mean? Ruth-Anne and Walt.
See, I remember Walt came into the store to pay for some stuff the other day.
Uh, tin of Raleigh, that was it.
And some rolling papers.
And he put this clump of money down on the counter, and there was this note just right there.
Said, " Bleed Ruth-Anne's septic.
" So that's what he was doin'- bleeding her septic.
At 6:00 in the morning? You know, Eugene, I was thinkin' it was way more like 6:30.
And Walt probably just got somethin' on his shirt, you know, and Ruth-Anne, she offered to wash it for him, you know.
Yeah, and while it's drying, she goes, "Walt, would you like something to eat?" And he says yes, so she makes him breakfast.
Yeah, you know, I was probably just really groggy- seein' stuff.
I'd been up late watchin' that Death Wish marathon all night, you know.
So it probably never even happened.
Right? In fact, Eugene, I am sure it didn't happen.
Whatever.
Coming in? Oh, no, I- I already ate.
Thanks.
All right.
Well, right on target, Maggie.
That's what I said, Maurice.
And the holes are exactly .
1285 inches in diameter.
.
1285.
That's right.
Right.
And I used a number 30 drill bit.
That's what the manual says- use a number 30 drill bit for a.
1285 hole.
Yeah,just double-checking.
No, Maurice, I double-checked.
You're triple-checking.
Beg your pardon? Yeah, and to tell you the truth, Maurice, I'm getting kinda sick of it.
No, actually, I'm getting very sick of it, Maurice.
Of what? Following me around with your little calipers, Maurice.
I can't even fit in a door hinge without you doin' a torque test! Maggie, this is a flap détente strip here.
The flaps freeze up, and we can't land.
We wouldn't want that, would we? Oh, really? Gee, Maurice, I was hoping we'd go into a death spin.
You know, spin out control, crash and burn, big ball of flame.
Kablooey! Maggie- No, I'm serious.
I'm not lookin' over your shoulder every time you plumb-bob a gear leg.
I'm not tweakin' and twookin' every little bolt you fit.
Well, Maggie, you can't compare yourself to me.
I've got experience.
I'm an engineer.
Oh, God.
You and my father.
You know, I'm tryin' to custom chop my bicycle, he starts grabbin' at the chains and adjusting the brakes, hoggin' all the glory.
Maurice, I can read a manual.
I can use a tool.
Is that a fact? Yes.
Then how come you wanted me on this job? Because I thought it would be fun.
I didn't think you'd just try to take over.
You thought I'd take orders from you, huh? Well, that's too bad, you know.
I'm sorry I asked you.
You are? Yes.
Well I guess you'll have to build her yourself, won't you? Fine.
I mean it, Maggie.
Good.
Fine.
Great.
Just cut me a check for my half.
Enjoying my corn bread, are you, Father? Mm-hmm.
It's a tad crumbly today, but as they say, "Gather up the fragments that remain that nothing be lost.
" John, chapter six, verse 12.
I see you're up on your New Testament.
I got stuck in a survival cabin years back, and it was the only reading available.
A lot of poetry and wisdom in that book.
Mm-hmm.
Let me touch you up here.
So, Holling, organized religion, it doesn't interest you.
Disorganized, then? Well, I believe in the innate goodness of man, Father.
It's just that I don't believe in a special house to practice it in.
Holling, can't you see Father McKerry's still eating? Homemade gooseberry for when you're finished, Father.
I was asking for it, Shelly.
It's kind of like a favorite pastime of mine- baiting atheists.
I'm more of an agnostic, Father McKerry.
Father Kevin, please.
More Spencer than Kant.
You've got your phenomena on one hand- concrete and knowable.
On the other hand, you've got the incomprehensible- that force or power from which all derives.
You call it God, but to me, God or no, it remains just that- the unknowable.
Well, that's a start.
You haven't bolted the door.
Well, you're not going to catch me, Father.
Holling, cold milk for Father's pie.
Maybe he'd like some.
On the other hand, maybe he'd appreciate something a little stronger.
I have a special libation that I brew up for my, uh, honored guests.
Oh? He's busy, Holling.
He can't be throwing 'em back with you all day.
Actually, Shelly, I got rid of my paperwork this morning, and I was hoping to interest Holling in a game or two of cribbage.
You play? Mm-hmm.
Mmm! That's the green peppercorn.
Skoal.
A votre santé.
Chop-chop, Ed.
You've still got oysters to shuck and ice to crush.
About got it, Maurice.
Butter knife, salad fork, fish course fork, dinner fork, poultry knife, fish knife, coffee spoon, soup spoon, oyster fork, sauce spoon, dessert fork.
And polished glasses for the red and white.
And don't ding any this time.
Oh, and, Ed, remove that place setting down there.
Miss O'Connell won't be dining with us this evening.
Okay, Maurice.
No.
You know what? Why don't you take her place, Ed? That way, the Haines' daughter will have someone near her own age.
I don't know, Maurice.
Me at a sit-down dinner? If you have other plans, cancel them.
Yes, sir.
Ah, so this is where you're hidin' yourself.
When do we get you back, uh, to civilization? If one can call it civilization.
Hey, Fleischman.
Would you hand me that three-eighths, please? It's the smallest one over there.
Smallest one.
Here you go.
Thank you.
I'm impressed here, O'Connell.
This is definitely lookin' like an airplane.
I mean, it looks like it should fly, or something.
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
Although, I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but isn't the engine on backward? I mean, doesn't the, uh, propeller usually go on the- the front? The-What do they call it? The nose? Well, the Wright Brothers put theirs that way.
It's more efficient to push than pull.
It's cleaner air over the wings.
Besides, the C.
G.
- center of gravity- works out better that way.
Oh, that's- I never heard that.
That's interesting.
Hey, what's this? That's weird.
I thought everything checked off.
- What's that? - The, uh, aft rudder pedal cable tang.
It's for the pedal driver.
Well, I guess they just put in one too many.
Oh, well, what is it they say? A good mechanic always has a few parts left over, right? What, are you kidding me? O'Connell, that's part of the plane.
You're just gonna toss it aside? Well- Hey, w-where's Maurice? Why? I thought he was helping you with this.
Oh.
Great.
So you think I'm screwing up, and you automatically start looking for some higher authority? No, I just- He's gone.
- I kicked him out.
I gave him a check for his half, and bye-bye.
- You're trying to build this thing by yourself? Thank you, Fleischman.
Thank you for that resounding vote of confidence.
You are telling me that you're going to try and build this by yourself? This is exactly what I need right now- you trying to undermine my confidence.
Hold on.
It's not you.
Anybody.
I mean, if a United Airlines pilot told me that he was going build this, I'd say maybe- go ahead and- I'm a pilot! I know, I know.
You're a very good pilot.
It's- So? Look, I'm not trying to imply anything here.
But there's- there's a lot of stuff, and- and- This is a machine that has to get off the ground, and you're throwing parts away! Thank you, Fleischman, for pointing that out.
If you don't mind, I've got a lot of work to do.
I'm not surprised his feed business went belly-up.
Buyin' that Iowa corn at top dollar, acting like a big shot.
How about a little more Brunello, Myra? Please.
He had the nerve to ask Lester for tear it up and throw it in the wind.
You could give it to me, Mom.
Man paid more attention to the skirts than he did his bottom line.
You know, he came in the store just last week.
Gave me six frozen trout.
Well, that's, uh, very interesting there, Ed.
Let's not let these creamed turnips get cold.
Just one scoop.
There we go.
Say, speaking of the store, I bet you guys didn't know about Ruth-Anne.
Ruth-Anne? What, she's okay, isn't she? Okay? Mr.
Haines, she's great.
Her and Walt have been dating.
She and Walt.
No kidding.
Funny.
She hasn't said one peep to me.
Oh, well, Mrs.
Haines, that's because, well, I'm her closest friend.
It's been going on for quite some time now.
Well, how do you like that? Wedding bells, Ed, or just a little hanky-panky? Oh, well, Mr.
Haines, they're not quite sure where it's going yet.
That's why she's been keeping it under wraps.
But, uh, I guess old Walt just bowled her over.
That old hound dog.
Walt and Ruth-Anne.
Boy, that's a picture.
Good for her, I say.
Ruth-Anne Miller with an itch.
Do you get it? "I thought he said he was an elk.
" The door was open.
Uh, listen, Ronnie, I'm gonna have to put you on hold here for a minute.
Somebody just came in.
If it's about that check, it's too late.
That was my half of that plane.
I spent it on a bass boat already.
No, no, no, Maurice.
It's not about the money, it's- Look, I want you to come back and work with me again.
Uh-uh.
Negative.
No.
No? Look, Maurice, it's a big project.
It really is.
It's a lot of work for one person, and I could really use your help.
Yesterday you had me out of there on my ear.
I was wrong, Maurice.
I mean, I've been giving it a lot of thought, and you really do have a lot of experience.
You know what you're doing.
I've got a bird colonel on hold here.
Look, you're the boss.
All right? Whatever you say goes.
You won't hear a peep from me.
Stop begging, Maggie.
It's disgusting.
You'd think you had the damned stealth bomber out there.
- Maurice- - Just go do it.
Go.
Hey, Ronnie, I got another one for you.
There's a priest and a rabbi on a raft, right? Morning, Mrs.
Miller.
Donny Spellman.
I haven't seen you for a while.
So what should I do? Pardon? You want me to sweep? I could sweep.
Ed says you have to sweep a lot.
Sweep? Ed? Yeah.
And put stuff away.
Inventory.
Donny, I think we have our wires crossed somewhere.
Oh.
By the way, where is Ed? At home, I guess.
He gave me his job, if that's all right with you.
Ed gave you his job? I don't understand.
You mean he's quit? Yeah, I guess so.
Ed quit? He sent you? Ed is leaving me high and dry on deli day? It's the heaviest day of my week.
Who's going to slice the provolone? I've got slaw and three bean salad to fix.
I could slice the provolone, Mrs.
Miller.
Don't touch that machine.
In the bread? In the bread? The body? Not in.
Is.
Is the body.
Hey, hey.
Elbows tight.
Holling, no bracing.
The symbolism I can appreciate, like the Lutherans with their consubstantiation.
In, with, and under.
Not close enough.
Transubstantiation.
"Take and eat this, for this is my body.
" It's a wafer and wine.
Hey, Rev, get your butt on that chair.
More snootch? Huh? Yeah, please.
A tad.
Holling? Your snacks are here.
Ribs and slaw.
Hallelujah! Manna! Just set 'em on the table, Shelly.
I've almost got him.
You? Not a prayer.
Okay.
There's, uh- There's debate that Christ's body was even corporal.
Oh, goodness, an Albigensian heretic besides.
I'm surrounded.
Unaffiliated gropers and heretics.
Try this one on for size, Father.
If the wafer is the body, what happens to it in your digestive tract? Holling! You think you're the first smart aleck to show up with that red herring? You can do better than that.
Be simple to test it.
A little probe with the old sigmoidoscope.
Even you should know, you can't test faith.
Whoo! Oh, no.
Hey! Rev, chalk one up for Rome.
Eh, Holling? - Oh, I seem to have ripped my trousers.
We seem to have lost the cigars.
Oh, man, you knocked the Cribbage board over.
I was next.
Shel, how you coming with those- those rib plates, hon? Almost.
Ed? Ed, open this door.
You're not fooling anyone.
Your landlady said you were in there.
Now, I want to talk to you right this minute.
Ed! Just what's going on here? Hello, Ruth-Anne.
Well, don't you think that you owe me an explanation? Is this any way to treat a friend? If you were unhappy, you should have said so.
I'm not your friend, Ruth-Anne.
I know you think I am, but I'm not.
What are you talking about? Of course you are.
I told, Ruth-Anne.
You told? About you and Walt.
Me and Walt? You did? I asked you not to, didn't I? Yes, you did.
Well, what's the matter with you? What'd you do that for? Who'd you tell? Uh, Eugene.
Eugene.
You told that big mouth? Maurice.
Maurice too? Yeah.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Haines and their daughter, Heather.
What'd you do, Ed, call a town meeting? Uh, Maurice had a dinner party.
Oh, my.
Oh, my God.
I can just see it.
All these busybodies- Maurice Minnifield and everybody- amusing themselves with the details of my private life.
I'm sorry, Ruth-Anne.
I really, really am sorry.
I don't blame you for hating me, and that's just why I quit.
Stop it.
I don't hate you.
I'm really mad at you, but I don't hate you.
Ruth-Anne, I just wish I'd die, right here on the spot.
I wish a stray bullet would just come through the window and get me in the head.
I deserve it.
I'm worse than dirt.
Ed, what do you want? I forgive you.
You forgive me? Yes, but I'm still good and teed off about you leaving your job.
Leaving me in the lurch with an inexperienced kid was just plain mean and inconsiderate.
Now, I have a store to run, and I expect to see your tail there bright and early.
You hear me? Oh.
Okay.
I mean, yes.
I mean, I'll be there.
Th-Thank you.
Thank you.
Finally rousted out the last of the stragglers.
What a night.
Fifty-plus dinners, I bet.
Plenty.
Randi go down easy for you, hon? Our little sweet pea's gonna need a beauty rest.
Baptism tomorrow.
Big day for her.
Was until you trashed it.
What's that, Shelly? You know what, Holling.
Father McKerry what.
You mean taking him out to the still this afternoon? He asked to see it.
Well, he wouldn't have if you wouldn't have had it.
Golly, hon, I thought you'd be glad we got on so well.
Real pleasant fella.
And didn't you ask me to be cordial to him? I didn't say that kind of cordial, Holling.
Getting him all warm with the good stuff, wrestling in his shirtsleeves, him in his shoes kicked off.
The father said his corns were aching up on him.
Stop it! Ohh! Stop it, will you! I don't want to hear about his corns! He's not just some fella.
He's supposed to be a priest! - Sorry.
- A priest! One of God's own hand-picked representatives here on earth! Holling, tomorrow I gotta go to confession to get my sins absolved for Randi's baptism.
That's the law! But do I get a real priest? No, I get this dud! Some smoke ring-blowing arm wrestler with a rip in his pants! Shelly.
Well, I don't care, Holling.
I don't.
Why me? Why me and Randi? I've been waiting and waiting, and it's all ruined for me now.
Hey, Maurice,you down here? Yeah.
Come on down, Fleischman.
Hey.
I'm looking for something for this, uh, christening party.
Pouilly-Fuissé.
I'm not much for whites myself, but, uh, these afternoon affairs, people like to keep it light.
Right.
Look, I gotta talk to you.
I'm worried about O'Connell.
What about her? Well, you know, I-I-I really- I don't know what happened between you two, and- and I certainly know that she can be- she can be very defensive at times.
I mean, the woman can lash out.
If anyone knows it, it's me, believe me.
You look at her cross-eyed and- and she goes right for the equipment.
Are you making a point here,Joel, or are you just rambling? No, I'm making a point.
Look, she's out there, all right? You don't know.
She is working herself into the ground, and she needs help.
Okay? I- I can't help her.
Really, I don't think it's a time to be nursing wounded pride.
Nursing wounded pride? Is that what you think this is? Well, I don't know.
Let me show you something.
Take a look at that.
Whoa.
Chateau Petrus, 1945.
Holy- I lost it three times in blind auction.
I'm not gonna tell you what I had to trade for it.
Yeah? My point is that I'm kind of glad to be out of that little dealy-wob of hers.
I want to stay alive, drink my Petrus.
I'm 62 years old,Joel.
These reflexes and this ticker don't belong up there in some homemade.
I've flown fighter missions, I've orbited the Earth, and now is the time to stay on terra firma, reap the rewards of my labors, not risk my neck in some ultralight.
Risk your neck? What, you're admitting it's dangerous? You're off the ground, buddy.
I- I-I- Really, I don't get it.
I- I'd love to know the point.
I mean, there are perfectly good planes out there.
The woman has her own.
Joel, you've got to get into Maggie's head.
You've got to go where she lives.
She's a pilot,Joel.
Can you think of any better way for a pilot to go than at the stick of an airplane? Let me tell you something.
I had an old flying buddy in Pensacola.
He had a son, got to be a pilot.
Pretty good jet pilot.
One day, he got a flamingo in the turbo.
Phfft! That was it.
All they found to bury was a piece of scalp and a boot.
Yeah? You know what my friend told me at that funeral? That was the proudest day of his life.
He gave me six Hail Marys, four Our Fathers and an Act of Contrition.
Bummer.
In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.
You've come for your confession? Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been probably three- o-okay, four years since my last confession.
Continue.
Father, I confess- I confess- Yes? I confess I'm real disappointed in you, Father.
Disappointed? Come on! You out there in Holling's still, "parlez vous-ing" around, drinking and playing cards.
Oh, I see.
Well, dear, those aren't sins.
Some people would lead you to believe otherwise, but entertainment in moderation is good for the soul.
Oh, I know that.
It's not just 'cause of the sins.
It's- It's just 'cause.
I don't understand.
'Cause you weren't acting holy, that's why! You were just like one of those other bozos.
See what you made me do? I'm sorry, Father.
I got purgatory for that, didn't I? Please continue, dear.
I'm listening.
Well,you're a priest.
They're different.
Higher.
Holier.
You guys aren't like the rest of us.
But I am, Shelly.
I'm a human being, too.
Yeah, but human beings can't turn bread and wine into body and blood, wash away original sin.
Those are miracles.
Aren't they? Well, I've been called by God to do his work here on Earth, and that in itself is a miracle, that our Father chose us human beings, as imperfect as we are, to do his works.
I don't know.
You'll see, Shelly, When we gather today at Randi's baptism, and I'm in my robes, and I place my hand on Miranda's forehead to recite the blessing, believe me, you'll feel the presence of God, the miracle of faith.
And that's the greatest miracle of all.
Is there anything else you'd like to confess today? Well,just some little stuff.
Yesterday, Owen paid for his coffee with a " Liberty" dime.
I know I should have said, "Hey, Owen, this is a 'L iberty'dime, " but I didn't.
Now listen, I know the tail sits on the ground, but, uh, that's the design.
I can show you the plans, if you like.
Oh, uh, sir, be careful getting in, because the nose could slam to the ground.
Oh! Well, hey, perfect! I guess you've been around an ultralight or two, huh? Yeah.
The wiring.
Soldering is not my greatest strength, so if you see anything you don't like, or anything that's questionable at all, please- I have a solder gun in the truck, so I could fix it while you watch.
Here's your airworthiness certificate, and this is your certificate of registration.
You need to get that notarized and into Oklahoma A.
S.
A.
P.
This aircraft's in real fine shape, miss.
I passed? You did a real competent job.
I passed? Hey! Hey, Fleischman! I passed! That was the F.
A.
A.
He gave me my certificates! All right! Yeah, he said I did a very competent job.
Well, very good.
I'm proud of you.
Well, hey, wish me luck.
Well, no, wait, that's, uh- that's kind of why I'm here.
I- I, uh- I'd like to go.
What? That's right.
I'd like to go.
I mean, believe me, I still think this is totally insane, but if anyone can do it, it would be you.
Oh, I get it.
What? A little male validation.
Pin a rose on Mary Margaret.
She did a very good job.
I think a man should come along.
Right? No.
A man? A friend.
Hey, I'm putting my only life in your hands here.
Give me a break, will ya.
You mean it, don't you? I mean it.
Well, why? Why? Because this is you.
You built this plane, and I want to fly in it.
Well, that's sweet, Fleischman.
Does there happen to be a parachute, or something? You're not coming.
What? What are you talking about? O'Connell, I'm not kidding.
I want to do this.
Fleischman, think about it.
You on a test flight? I don't think so.
See you, Fleischman.
Clear prop! All righty.
Hey, amigo.
Hey.
What do you think? I got it at the swap meet over there in Sleetmute, man.
It's a gold mine.
Look at this.
I got a rosary here- mother-of-pearl.
Pre-Vatican II daily missal, Look at this.
Words ofJesus in red.
The whole thing's in Latin.
Wow.
You know, Chris, Ruth-Anne told me not to tell anybody.
She said, " Ed, don't tell anybody.
" And what did I do? I ran right out and told everybody.
That thing about her and Walt doin' the two-backed beast? That was you? The thing is, Chris, I don't even know why I did it.
I mean, I knew I shouldn't have been doin' it even before she told me not to.
But I did it anyway.
And why? Why would I do something so low-down and rotten? Good question.
You got some information, right? Information is power.
The next part of the equation is, you wanted to snatch up a little extra power for yourself, right? Be a big man.
There's nothing wrong with that, only you had to rat out your best friend to do it, Ed.
I see.
Just call me Fredo.
What? Yeah.
Godfather I.
He rats out Michael, his own brother,just so Moe Green would think he was a big shot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fredo Corleone.
Wormball, right? The weak one.
Yeah, but he got off easy, Chris.
They didn't forgive him like Ruth-Anne did me.
They just took him out on the boat and fed him to the fishes.
Me, I gotta live with myself for the rest of my life.
Yeah.
That's a rough one, buddy.
Here we are, man.
Hi, Chris.
Hi, Ed.
Hey! Great day for a sacrament, huh, people? Spring.
Come on, Stevens, get on the stick.
This show's supposed to start at 1400 sharp.
You got it.
Hello, all.
Well, Ruth-Anne Miller.
Don't you look lovely today.
Hi, Ruth-Anne.
Hi.
- Hey, Walt.
How's it going? - Eugene.
- Ruth-Anne.
- Afternoon, Walt.
Quit fussin', Randi.
We'll get you absolved, I promise.
If this doesn't look like it's gonna take, we'll go to Anchorage and try again.
The father'll do a fine job, Shelly, I'm sure.
What do you know, Holling? You don't even believe in original sin.
Afternoon, Shelly.
Holling.
Doesn't she look beautiful today? Hello, Father.
Please.
Everyone, let's gather round, shall we? We can begin.
Can we have the godparents, please? An old African proverb says, "The village raises the child.
" And so today we all gather at this baptism to introduce this child to her own village, the human family of Cicely.
What name do you give your child? Miranda Bliss.
And what do you ask of God's church for Miranda Bliss? Baptism.
Holy water, please.
By God's gift, through water and the Holy Spirit, we are reborn to everlasting life.
With this water, and with the faith of God, we are called to the very moment when God brought forth from chaos beautiful creation, formed and full of divine energy.
We gather today to wash away sin, the sin we are born with simply because we are human.
And it is through God's grace that we receive forgiveness.
Because God understands his sons and his daughters in their human failings, and He forgives the truly repentant.
Miranda Bliss Tambo Vincoeur, I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
God is love.
Those who live in love, live in God.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.