Northern Exposure s06e11 Episode Script

The Great Mushroom

Go, Duff.
Go get him.
Go get him.
Oh, damn.
Hey, Duff! Duff, here! Come on, boy, come on.
Hey, hey! Duff! Duff, here! Duff, pull me out! Duff, pull! Pull! Pull! Duff, pull! Take it! Take the stick! Come here! Duffy! Come here! Come here! Duffy! Duffy! Actually, Fleischman's been on my mind lately, you know, so I thought, "Hey, with his birthday coming up, "that might just be a good time to go see how he's doing.
" Maggie you want another rose right here? Yeah, all right.
The thing is, I don't know if he's gonna want to see me, Holling.
I mean, after all, I'm the one that threw him out of the house and everything.
But the thing is, I'm worried about him.
Worried? Yeah, I'm concerned, I mean, if he's doing all right, you know.
Oh, you mean because all your other boyfriends died such an untimely death? Well, yeah, there is that.
But I don't know, I just feel like I bare a certain amount of responsibility I mean, after all, I'm the one that drove him up river, I'm the one that wanted to break up.
So if he's miserable and hell bent on self-destruction then I'm partially at fault, you know.
What do you think? "Happy birthday, Jeel"? That's O, O- E, Joel.
It kind of looks like an E.
No, no, that's an O, O- E, Joel.
Well, it's great, thanks.
Ruth-Anne said the Sichuan peppercorns didn't come in with our order.
So I thought snap peas would work instead for the Mu Shu Lamb.
Did you get the hoisin sauce? Because, you know, Pacific Rim cuisine is nothing but Cantonese without the hoisin sauce.
Thank God.
Maggie O'Connell called, she can't make it.
She has to go out of town.
Oh, so what are we at then? Twelve? Twelve, even.
Actually, I'm relieved.
I was worried we wouldn't have enough Shumai.
Oh, you got a letter.
It was originally addressed to our house on Waverly.
Waverly? That was three years ago.
It's been forwarded all over the place.
I didn't realize we'd moved so much.
"Seasons greetings.
Best wishes for the new year.
"Love, cousin Connie.
" Who's cousin Connie? I don't know.
Uncle Dave's daughter? I don't remember.
Well, it'll be nice to have people over for a change.
We've been spending so much time alone lately.
Oh, not that that's bad.
I mean, I love spending time alone with you.
No, no, I know what you mean, sweetie.
It's just we used to have so much more activities in LA, you know, like Thank you.
Wine and cheese tastings, and tennis clinic.
The new playwright's series, cooking class.
I don't miss it all, you know, but still.
Yeah, yeah, still.
Are you sure this is the right place? I mean, is this where Fleischman lives? Yes, this is his place.
I'll take that.
Oh, be careful, that, that's a birthday cake.
Okay? Okay.
Well, I guess if you wanted to get away from it all, this would be the place to do it, huh? Oh, thanks.
If you need anything else, let me know.
Hey, excuse me, do you happen to know where he is? Over there.
Fleischman? Hey! O'Connell! Good morning, Mr.
Hi, Doc.
How are those shingles doing? Why don't you roll up your sleeves? We'll take a look.
I know they can be very discomforting.
Well, they're gone.
Two days ago your arms were covered with vesicles.
Is there any residual pain? No.
Herpes zoster usually runs a two-week course.
This is amazing.
Really amazing.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Sorry? Sorry about what? I went to Ed.
Ed Chigliak, he's a healer, you know.
Tanya McAllister said he cured her when she had shingles, so I went to him.
Ed treated you? He gave you something for shingles? Ointment.
I'm really sorry, believe me, it didn't mean a thing.
I still want you to be my doctor.
Abbot, what exactly did Ed give you? Oh, something he made up, he had a little left over in a jar under the sink.
I promise I'll never go to him again.
Why didn't you tell me you invited the Grippos? I didn't.
They came with Walt.
They just barged in? What could I do? Ask them to leave? And then, Maurice brings Red Murphy, what is this, some kind of local custom? Come one, come all? There's not going to be nearly enough Mahogany Chicken Wings.
We'll cut everything in half and serve buffet.
How do you cut a chicken wing in half? Someone's at the door.
I'll get it.
Shelly, hi.
Ed? Evening, Mrs.
Lucky thing, Ed was over hanging out when it was time to go.
We didn't have to twist his arm too much.
Oh, good, I'm glad you decided to come, Ed.
Well, smells great in here, Mrs.
Thumbs up on the Mu Shu lamb, Doc, but, next time, you might eighty-six those snap peas and throw in some Sichuan peppercorns.
We're about out of pork ribs over there, where are they, I'll bring out some more.
Oh, that's all there is.
How many did you make? Obviously not enough.
Excuse me, Maurice.
Hey, check this out.
Oh, Ed? Dr.
Capra, Ruth-Anne says the ribs are really good tonight, but I don't see them.
Well, have a chicken wing.
A piece of chicken wing.
All right.
Ed, I was hoping to get to talk to you.
What ointment did you give Ralph Abbot? Ralph Abbot? Shingles.
Something I had under the sink.
Well, what was it? I believe it was some kind of root pulp extract.
I'll have to check my notes.
This is really good, Dr.
What is that? Cranberry sauce.
Cranberry sauce? We had a couple of cans in the cupboard.
Cranberry sauce with Pacific Rim, that's just perfect.
Phil, there's nothing else to eat.
I'll get it.
Marilyn! Hi.
And? Ellie Thompson, Warner Thompson.
Hi! Phil Capra.
Come on in.
Family? Friends.
Well, enjoy.
I feel terrible.
I mean, look at you.
Your hair, your clothes, you're practically in rags.
I mean, my God, you're living in a hut, with a dirt floor.
Why don't you just have a little broth? There's no indoor plumbing.
No outdoor plumbing.
Oh, what have I done to you? Hey, really, I'm very comfortable here.
You're comfortable? Yeah.
A guy whose teeth chatter below 70 degrees? Who gets a bloody nose without a humidifier? I mean, you can't even sleep on anything less than My needs have changed.
Fleischman, Fleischman, this is me you're talking to, okay, I know you.
And you're deluding yourself.
I mean, this has got to be a miserable existence for you.
Why? I have everything I need here.
I have food, I have shelter, I have friends.
It's simple, I know.
I tell you, I prefer it this way.
I get it.
I get it, you're just putting on a good face to make me feel better.
Oh, no.
No, really, you don't want me to feel guilty for having driven you to this, right? Listen you, I'm grateful to you.
If it weren't for you, I'd be in Cicely right now, and I'd be still running that rat race, I'd be still locked in that commute, I'd be totally stressed, I'd be totally ignorant of what my life could be.
I mean, the truth is, I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life.
Really? Really? I had a wonderful time.
Sorry to leave so early, but I have a produce delivery coming in first thing in the morning.
Oh, I understand.
And thanks for coming.
Early? It's 2:00 a.
I'm exhausted.
How about me running over to The Brick and get another keg? Oh, that's okay, Holling, don't put yourself out.
No, really, it looks like people are getting ready to leave.
Just give a holler if you change your mind.
Oh, Marilyn, are you leaving? Uh-huh.
It was very nice meeting your friends.
I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk.
Me, too.
They want to spend the night.
Fishhead pass is snowed in and they can't get home.
Well, I guess these things happen in Alaska.
Marilyn, aren't they staying with you? No.
Well, things are such a mess, and I really don't think they'd be comfortable.
And, you know, the heater's been very, very temperamental lately.
Something to do with the thermostat, I think.
But of course, if they want to, they're welcome to stay.
The couch folds out into a bed.
Which we'd be happy to sleep on, the couch.
You know, they could have our bed.
Yes, absolutely.
Thank you.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night, Marilyn.
Four in the morning, I realize I left my cervical pillow in the bedroom.
Where's my Naprosyn? I wish I could be more sympathetic.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, not to put too fine a point on it, it was you who insisted they take our bed.
Phil, they're old people.
We couldn't let them sleep out here.
I know that.
You think I don't know that? I need a shirt.
You don't think they're still asleep, do you? Phil.
I'm going to have to wake them.
I've got to get to the office.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How did you sleep? Very well.
There will be coffee in a minute.
I just have to get a shirt.
Excuse me.
Please, have a seat.
So, you're from around here? Yes.
Phil, Ellie and Warner are from around here.
Oh, really? Mmm-hmm.
Almost there.
Sunny today.
Shouldn't have any trouble on the road.
Still snowed in.
Road's out.
We're stuck.
Hey, Ed.
Come in, Dr.
I'm sure I've got my notes here somewhere.
You really think I discovered a cure for shingles? Well, to tell you the truth, Ed, all over the world, doctors are re-examining native remedies and finding them very efficacious.
"Half a cup of butter.
Half cup of molasses.
" No.
Salmon marinade.
Ed, do you know the Thompsons? Oh, sure.
Is it my imagination or do people subscribe to a different etiquette up here? I mean, with regard to invitations, things seem a lot less formal.
Which maybe a good thing actually, I mean, it's all about community, right? Mi casa, su casa.
That could be.
All right! "Left, 36, then right 14.
" The combination to my bike lock.
I've been looking for this.
Ed, what about the ointment? You know, Dr.
Capra, I think I've got some more healer notes in a shoe box, in the closet.
You know, Ed, you could use some kind of filing system.
It would save a lot of time.
I think I've got a lead, Dr.
"September 3rd, shingles salve.
"See poultice notes.
" Poultice notes.
Hey, Ed.
You've got an old PC up here.
Maurice gave me that when he upgraded.
Well, this is exactly what you need to set up a database.
It's easy, I'll help you.
I'm not really a computer type person, Dr.
Yeah, that's what everybody says until they use one.
Then they can't imagine how they ever got along without it.
Come on, I'll help you set it up.
What I mean is, it's just so peaceful.
It's just beautiful.
You want to see one of the reasons why I love it here? What do you see right there? Pine cone, mushroom.
That's a honey mushroom.
Okay, how about, right there.
Right there.
Another mushroom, two, three, four of them.
Yeah, exactly.
So? These are honey mushrooms, okay? They're all connected.
Now they look like they're individual mushrooms, but they're not.
They're outcroppings of one fungus.
The Armillaria bulbosa which runs underground.
Do you understand what I'm saying? These are Every single one of these is part of one organism.
Is that right? Yeah.
Here's the kicker.
How big do you think it is? Nipnuck glacier to the north, lake St.
Pete to the south, Coffee Pot ridge to the west, and to the east, who knows? That's as far as the eye can see.
It's just, it's mushroom after mushroom after mushroom, they're all one.
I mean, can you imagine, no one's ever actually charted it.
This incredible fungus is spread over like a minimum, I mean, minimum 35 square miles.
Really? It's the largest living organism on the planet.
We're standing on it.
It's pretty incredible, huh? I just want to get something to drink.
You know, I always find the hardest part of any article is the lead paragraph.
Deciding on just the right tone to pull the reader into the subject matter.
First impressions.
Yeah, exactly.
My article's about baggage allowances on domestic carriers.
It's an important subject, but not an immediate grabber.
Needs a hook.
Yeah, right, right.
You know, I like working at home, but sometimes, being here by myself all day, no one to talk to, listening to the flies bang against the window pane, it gets kind of oppressive.
Jigsaw puzzle, huh? Yeah, we always carry one with us.
It's relaxing.
Panini's St.
Peter's Basilica.
We like the old masters.
Tough, a lot of viridian.
Well, I'd better get back to it.
Do you mind? I think I saw a piece Excuse me.
Yeah, yeah.
Good eye.
Well, enjoy.
Actually, I think I saw another piece there.
Kind of kidney shaped, very distinctive.
No, no.
I haven't seen one of these XT's in ages.
Ed? You're not going to believe how this is going to change your life.
Let's take this old hard disk for a spin around the block.
All right.
"Good morning, Ed.
" Maurice put that in there.
Yeah, there's a directory and everything.
DB 2, that's a bitch to navigate.
Ah, wait a minute, PFS file, that's a no-brainer, Ed.
Flat file database.
I can get you up and running in that in no time.
It must be a bad sector.
Maybe the exec file may be corrupt.
I'm going to try to get to it through the root directory.
No, Dr.
Capra, just turn it off.
What? Please, just turn it off! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Dr.
What is it, Ed? The computer.
Yeah? It scares me.
It scares you? I turn it on, it makes that little beep and all of the hairs on the back of my neck just stand right up.
You know, it's like, all of a sudden there's somebody else in the room with me.
And he's just sitting there glowing, humming, asking me all these questions.
Abort? Retry? Ignore? Ed, it's just a machine.
A tool.
That's what I try to tell myself, Dr.
It's just so big.
Big? Yeah.
Inside the little box.
That thing just goes on and on.
To tell you the truth, I think it's a lot bigger than we are.
They're so peaceful.
Of course they're peaceful.
They're sleeping on a mattress not made out of shrapnel.
No, I mean in general.
They're so calm.
Have you noticed that, how calm they are? How accepting? I hadn't noticed.
You know, this morning, when you took your shower and used up all the hot water, they didn't care, they were fine.
It's kind of eerie.
Come on, Michelle, let's go to bed.
I tell you, if I had to spend several nights in some cabin with total strangers, I would not be so calm.
I'd be very anxious.
Oh, come on, let's go.
It's so unseemly spying on them like that, come on.
When was the last time we had house guests? Oh, five years ago.
My mother, on her way to Kona.
We were still in the condo.
I think I'd be more comfortable sleeping on the floor.
Your mother made lentil soup, I liked her lentil soup.
Michelle, we have got to get them out of our house.
Hey, how do you think I feel? I'm the one who's trapped here with them all day.
They go.
Good night.
It's so cold.
It's amazing these ragouts I make from the local tubers.
Bear root and spatterdock, fiddlehead fern.
The secret ingredient.
It's a little bitter, but it's like a nice bitter.
You know, like endive.
Hey, you like that bunchberry brandy, huh? Hmm.
Good stuff.
You seem a little pre-occupied, you know, anxious.
You worried about something? No, not at all.
I mean, I know seeing me like this has got to be a bit of a shock.
It's only natural it's going to take some time to adjust but really, I mean, if it's any help again, I'm profoundly happy here.
Truly, I wouldn't want it any other way.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is, no matter what we've been through, I'm always your friend.
Fleischman, you've got to get out of here, you've got to come back to Cicely.
Why do you say that? Because if you stay here, you're going to die.
You're going to suffocate, or get crushed by a boulder, or get burned alive.
O'Connell, what? No, I know it.
I know it.
I've seen it.
Over and over again.
And I've been warned, Fleischman.
And if you stay here, your life is just going to be snuffed out.
Look, I don't know what this is about, but It's about life and death.
Your life, your death.
I've never felt safer in my life.
That's an illusion, Fleischman.
That's fool's paradise.
You know what happens to all my boyfriends, hardly any of them get out alive.
And if you stay here, the same thing is going to happen to you.
See, we don't need a database, Dr.
Capra, we'll find the cure for shingles.
After all, the real computer is right up here.
We just have to What do they say? Access the information.
Yeah, I guess so.
All right, then.
So, looking for a particular plant, that's like looking for a particular file.
So, where do you look? Where there are other plants.
Yeah? Plants, that's like What do they call it? Plants? A menu? A sub directory.
Sub directory, right.
So, now when my brain, the computer, sees that particular plant, it'll say, "Ed, this is the one.
" File found.
So, we've turned the old computer on.
We've hit the old search key, and No.
That's not it.
Hey, look, Ed, of all the local flora, you picked this one particular plant.
Now there must have been some reason, right? Oh, sure.
What was it? It reminded me of shingles.
This plant have like some leaves or berries or something that actually resembled varicella lesions? Maybe.
Okay, let's keep looking.
Thin multi-colored leaf.
Is that it? No, it's not it, Dr.
None of them are it.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know where it is.
I've lost it! I've lost the cure for shingles! Okay, Ed, Ed.
It was fear.
It was fear that stopped me, Dr.
If I hadn't been afraid of that computer, we'd have that plant in our hands.
I could have helped people.
Could have made the world a better place.
A place without shingles.
Well, Ed, we don't know that for sure.
You know, not without a lot of clinical trials and You're just trying to make me feel better.
But the fact is, I'm just a coward.
A coward and a failure.
Hi, did you find your plant? No, it's a long story.
Are they gone? No, they're just out looking for rocks.
Rocks? Semi-precious stones.
She makes jewelry or something.
What are you doing? Nothing, it's theirs.
So, what are we going to do? Well, I've been thinking about that.
Now, I don't know if it's culturally acceptable up here to just out and out ask somebody to leave.
So, I think we're going to have to manipulate the situation.
Phil? What do you mean? Well, say something were to happen to the house.
Right? Like a pipe burst or there's a fire or something.
Well, they have to leave then.
You're not suggesting we set the house on fire? No, nothing that extreme.
Something minor.
Something like the bed frame breaks.
We can't break the bed frame, we have to sleep there, eventually.
Oh, what about the heater? Yes.
I could probably short it out.
What would we do? We need heat.
I'm sure Ed could fix it.
Oh, my God, they're coming.
How do you get into this thing? No, there's isn't time, they'll come in.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I got it.
Phil, what are we doing? Look at us, we're sabotaging electrical appliances.
We're acting like children.
We have to be adults.
We have to tell them.
It's not personal, it's nothing against them.
We just want our life back.
You're right.
You're right, we'll just tell them.
I'll tell them.
Found it in the river bed.
Oh? Really? You found feldspar? You know, I wrote an article about feldspar mining in Brazil.
For Sky Magazine, wasn't it? Yeah.
So So Why don't I make us a salad for dinner? Good, I'll poach some chicken breasts.
All right.
Great! Fleischman! Fleischman, stop! What are you doing? Didn't you hear a thing I said? I'm just fishing, O'Connell.
No, you snuck away, you did this on purpose, because you knew I wouldn't let you go.
Look, I know how you feel, okay? I'm sorry, I'm not going to change my life because you've had a couple of bad dreams.
Where is your rifle? You don't even have a rifle.
There are bears out here, Fleischman.
I'm fine, please.
If you want to fish, can't you come fish down here? This is where the big trout feed.
It's the only place I can get at them, okay? Fine.
I'm coming up there.
You know, look at you, Fleischman, you don't even have any fresh water! And you should know better.
There are parasites up here you know.
And once you get them, they stay with you forever.
Just give me your hand and watch your step.
Fleischman! Fleischman! Are you all right? Oh, man! Oh, my wrist! Why don't you say something? Why don't you? Oh, so, you're blaming me? We had an agreement.
As soon as they came in, I was going to tell them to leave.
Why didn't you? How could I? With you jabbering away about feldspar.
I made one polite comment.
They'll hear you.
You still could have said something, but, oh, no, you had to go on and on about the salad.
It was too late, Michelle.
By that time we were already in for another slumber party.
Where are you going? Michelle! Michelle, come on inside.
What are you doing? Come on, it's cold out here.
Okay, I'm sorry I brought up the salad.
I like having them here.
I mean, I I don't, it's so inconvenient, but I do.
It's like thanksgiving, when uncle Anthony and aunt Colleen and the cousins would come and stay for the week.
And there wasn't any room and all of us kids had to sleep on the floor in the den.
Do you realize we've moved seven times in six years? God, my life is like an endless trail of change of address forms.
There are boxes I still haven't unpacked since we were married.
We have no roots.
We're cut off from our families.
And you don't even know who your cousin Connie is.
No, no, no.
I remembered last night.
She's on the Chicago side.
She's Pearl's kid.
But you're right, I guess we have moved a lot.
It always seemed like a good idea at the time.
The first sign of any problems, a fight with mom and too much traffic.
Sewage in Santa Monica bay, we pack the china.
What are we looking for, Phil? And why don't we ever find it? Hey, Michelle.
Hey, Mich, they're gone! Hmm? They're gone? Did you hear them go? You don't think they heard us last night, do you? "Dear Michelle and Phil, thank you for your hospitality.
"If the sizes aren't right, let us know.
"Ellie and Warner.
" Sizes? Slippers.
They're nice.
You know, they couldn't have gotten too far.
If I hurry, I bet I can catch them.
We could all still have breakfast together.
That's a good idea, I could make Belgian waffles.
They like Belgian waffles.
Where's my shoes? It's open.
Got your groceries, Walt.
Just set them on the table.
Ruth-Anne says to tell you she's sorry, but we're out of Scotchguard.
I'm taking a bath on pharmaceuticals.
Whoa, what are all these numbers? Stock market.
New York composite.
Just a sec.
GM's gone below, it's low.
Gonna make a buy.
You what to see something really nifty? Move those beaver pelts and have a seat.
Wrote the software myself.
Spread sheet on my trap lines, percentage by locale, migratory patterns, quarterly yields.
There are trappers who'd kill for this database.
How does it do all that, Walt? The computer? It's really pretty simple.
All the information is in binary code.
That's just zero and one.
The electrons are like pigs coming into the pen.
Gate's closed, that's zero.
Gate's open, that's one.
Zero one, zero one.
That's all there is to it.
One and zero, that's it? In infinite combinations, of course.
Zero, zero, zero one.
Zero, one, zero, zero, like that.
It's the universe.
What do you mean? Leonard says that's how great teachers explain what the universe is.
Reality is one, nothing is zero.
And the universe is made up of lots of combinations of reality and nothing.
Well, I wouldn't know anything about that, but I'll tell you one thing.
This girl surely brings home the bacon.
Good morning.
Warner and Ellie left early today.
I was hoping to catch them.
They didn't say anything, did they? No.
Fishhead pass probably cleared out and they just went back home, right? Maybe.
The reason I'm asking is that, you know, we're still getting acclimated here and You don't think we may have offended them in any way, do you? Oh, I doubt it.
Well, it just seemed kind of odd, you know.
They left so suddenly.
I wouldn't worry about it.
You miss them? Huh? Oh Well, they're very nice people, Marilyn.
Hey, look at this.
It's all honey mushrooms.
I had no idea it went this far east.
It's much bigger than I thought.
Look, Fleischman, for your sake, I think I ought to go.
Oh, come on.
Don't say that.
We haven't even had my birthday cake yet.
Oh, hey, look, really.
Come on.
You got to stay for dinner.
I'm going to sauté up some mushrooms.
Got plenty.
Come on.
How can you want to have dinner with me? You know, I almost killed you.
Well? It's no big deal, you know.
In your heart of hearts you wanted me dead.
What? A part of you definitely wanted me six feet under.
You know, it's not so strange.
What are you talking about? We broke up, I moved out.
I'm not your lover.
You know, I'm being deprived of an intimate, ongoing relationship with Maggie O'Connell.
I should be miserable, right? I should be bereft, but, no, I'm not.
I'm happy.
I'm at peace.
I can see where that would be a tremendous blow to one's self esteem.
Wait a minute, let me get this straight, okay? You think that I'm that petty and self centered, that I want you to die if you're happy without me? No, I think you're taking it too negatively 'cause look at all the growth here.
You know, all your other boyfriends really did die off.
I'm getting off lucky with a little broken wrist.
Oh, thanks.
That really makes me feel better.
You know, the thing is, it's like The bottom line here All of the craziness and the tension between you and I, it's based on illusion.
You have to understand it.
It's an illusion of separateness, it's an illusion that there's a you and a me 'cause it just ain't so.
You know? I mean, we're like these mushrooms.
These seemingly individual outcroppings are all part of the whole.
You know, there's no separateness here.
There's no other.
It's the same with human beings.
It's the same with us.
You know what I mean? See, the thing is, we're really, we're just one.
Part of the same big mushroom.
The same big self.
You see, what I'm trying to tell you is, I never left you, okay? I'm always there.
You know what I mean? I got you a surge suppressor.
I hope you like it.
Okay, let's go.
Hello, I hope we can work together.
Here you are.
Make a wish.
Bravo, bravo! "Happy birthday, Jeel"? Joel.
That's an O.
I can see that.
Well, can I offer you one of these fine roses? No, you take them.
It's your birthday.
Seems to be plenty to go around.
Yeah? Happy birthday.
Yeah, thanks.
And long life.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Can I just eat the roses 'cause it's my birthday? Yeah, you can.
All right, take that one.
Just one.
an archway, kind of a flipper-shaped piece.