Nurse Jackie s02e11 Episode Script

Previously on Nurse Jackie You want to bounce? Welcome back to All Saints.
Yeah? Really? When I get nervous, I act out with inappropriate sexual touches.
It's like Tourette's.
You need to promise me that we're not gonna take that money.
Okay, I promise.
He finally agreed to let you set up a college fund for the girls.
If I believed in crying at work, I would be tearing up.
I'm thrilled! -Who's seen this? -Half of ortho.
Meanwhile, my follow-ups keep getting pushed.
Yeah, well, fuck that.
You need to see a specialist.
My mistake.
I don't know whose MRI you saw, but it wasn't hers.
Yes, I understand that.
Listen, you are not helping him.
He needs calm.
Go.
I got it.
Please.
I am so excited, too.
And, yes, we will leave the second I get home.
I promise.
No, I am twice as excited as you are.
Okay.
Have a good day at school, sweetie, and I'll see you later.
I love you, too.
And Dr.
O'Hara says hi.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Jackie, I need to talk to you.
Okay, great.
Is later okay? Just, I'm in the middle of about eight things right now.
-Thor, take this stuff -It's important.
and give it to the guy in five, okay? -Jackie! -All right.
Okay, okay, okay.
I promise.
Hey, Zoey.
Good to see you.
Thor.
Jackie.
So great to have Eddie back.
Akalitus finally got something right for a change.
Listen, Thor, I gotta get out of here on time today.
Going someplace fun tonight? Yes, tonight, tomorrow, maybe the next day.
If you're running away, can I go, too? -Should we go to my office? -Later, I promise.
Jackie, your MRI.
-Like I need this shit.
-Right? Zoey, listen.
I need to get out of here early today.
-Okay.
How early? -Like, now early.
Oh, my God, you're asking me to cover for you? -I've dreamt of this day.
-Okay, go.
Just go.
Honey, hi.
Are the kids on the bus yet? Great.
Do me a favor, put them in the car and come and get me.
Yeah, road trip starts right now.
Do me a favor? Explain to Grace about playing hooky, so she doesn't lose her shit.
I know.
I love you, too.
I can't wait.
Okay, bye.
Down! Sam called.
Yeah, I saw that.
-It's getting a little weird, huh? -Why? 'Cause I gotta see the guy every day.
And 'cause you're his girlfriend.
People need to expand their minds.
And I need to break up with him.
Why? He's a nice guy.
He's a nurse.
Yeah.
All right, we are up to the letter "E.
" Who sees something that starts with the letter "E"? That's a tough one.
I see an eagle.
No, you don't.
Maybe a hawk or an owl, but the eagle population in New York State has pretty much vanished.
Wow, Grace.
You are just getting smarter and smarter every day.
Yeah, but I'm missing an Old Testament quiz.
Is that good or bad? Good.
Well, you can thank Mommy for that.
You can, you know.
I know you can do it.
Say, "Thanks, Mom.
" Thanks, Mom.
My pleasure.
-Anybody seen Jackie? -She left for the day.
-For the day? -Yep.
I am covering for her.
How convenient.
I'm so sorry, but they told me to come here to get my methadone.
The methadone clinic closes at 9:00.
I know, but I had to take my dog to the vet.
She swallowed the squeaker from her chew toy and by the time I got here, it was closed.
Nothing personal, but we're very strict about No, I understand that, but I'm gonna get sick, and it was an emergency.
Didn't I just tell you to go to admitting? Go! Guy got stabbed in the thigh.
Positive pulse below the wound.
What happened, dude? You get mugged by a midget? -I don't think that's -Little person.
Sorry, little Nurse Jackie.
You probably meant that as an insult.
Very much a compliment.
He did it to himself, says it was an accident.
One, two, three.
It was an accident.
I work at this sandwich place Quiznos, Second Avenue, I know you.
-Of course.
-Meatball sub, lightly toasted.
Let's cut his pants and get an IV in.
Tell me how this happens to a man.
Well, you're probably not gonna I have Tourette's.
Not the yelling kind.
That would totally suck.
But the really great stabbing yourself kind? No, but I mean, I've never stabbed myself before.
Usually, I just hit myself Not all the time.
I just get tics, like around girls.
-It stops what I'm feeling.
-When you're attracted to them? Well, sort of.
It's more like -More like when you're overwhelmed? -Yeah.
Yeah.
I I don't know, I can't really explain it.
-No one can explain it.
-It's more prevalent than you think.
You know something? I We're gonna stitch you up and get you out of here in no time, chief.
Okay, we have What do we have? Fruit Roll-Ups and pretzels.
Pretzels are mostly if you get carsick, Fi.
Okay? I never get carsick.
Well, sometimes you do.
Not this time.
We're going to the country.
Why are we going to the country? For an adventure.
To see what the day brings.
You know these don't have much fruit in them, don't you? As a matter of fact, yes, I did know that.
I was trying to poison you.
That's not funny, Mom.
Come on.
It's a little funny.
A little.
Oh, my God, I needed this.
I'm sorry, honey, it took me so Whatever.
We're here and we are doing it.
Exactly.
Love you.
Yes.
Hey.
Are you a doctor? Are you a patient? I'm trying.
Can you tell me why the flaming Norwegian won't give me my methadone? I'm going through withdrawals here and nobody's helping me.
Sir, I'm sorry.
You're going to have to go back to the waiting room until your name is called.
I'm sorry, I I have that much tolerance for drug addicts.
Pardon me, but could either of you ladies tell me where I might find Jackie Peyton? I have no idea.
May I help you? As a matter of fact, yes.
I was wondering who I would speak to if I was to donate some money to this hospital.
You see, one of your nurses saved my life when I was having a seizure.
I'd love to hear all about it.
I'm Gloria.
And you are? -Bill.
-It's my pleasure, Bill.
"O'Geraty.
Karen O'Geraty.
" It's Keiran.
It's Irish.
Aye, so it is.
We're Irish, we're not pirates.
Welcome to America.
Well, it does look like a rash.
When did you notice this? -When we got off the plane.
-No, it was at the hotel, as I remember it.
Long flight from Dublin, huh? Seven hours, not to mention the three we spent on the tarmac.
Hi, I'm Dr.
Cooper.
Mr.
O'Geraty got a rash on his way back from Dublin.
Yep, contact dermatitis, AKA rash.
Let's get him some cortisone cream.
Probably just an allergic reaction.
Check it out, I'm allergic to cats.
This morning, a cat stuck its rear end in my face.
-That hurt? -Yes.
It does.
-What about itching? Does it itch? -No.
What about his veins? They're worse than mine.
What do you think about that? Looks like a rash, doesn't feel like a rash.
Would you guys mind waiting here just a little bit? I think he might need another look.
Nah, he's good to go.
You can discharge him.
I was just thinking, the rash is tender, they just made a transatlantic flight, and he's got some pretty grisly varicose veins.
Oh, my God.
In.
I'm sorry to bother you, Dr.
O'Hara.
Then it better be worth it.
Well, okay.
I was wondering if you could, you know, weigh in on something for me.
Look, Mommy! I love her! Oh, my goodness.
Honey, she is so ugly, she's cute.
Okay, so it's a praying mantis frozen forever in genuine Lucite.
Great.
It really is great.
All right.
Everybody in.
-They're loving this, babe.
-So am I.
So am I.
On to our next adventure! No.
No calls.
Not today.
I am here.
Look, please don't put me in the position of asking you to return my call.
Just get your manners together and do it.
This is Dr.
O'Hara.
Dr.
O'Hara, this is Keiran and Molly O'Geraty.
O'Hara She's Irish.
Yes, only on my father's side, I'm afraid.
-Still.
-She's gonna check one more thing.
No, Zoey, you should stay.
It's your hunch we're following.
Eddie, Eddie, I really need like a Zyrtec or something.
What's the matter, are you allergic to yourself? Can I just say I'm loving it here today? Really, why is that? Well, number one, you're back.
Number two, Jackie's gone.
Yeah? Where'd she go? I don't really like to think about what she does when she's not around.
Here you go.
Goodbye.
You're probably wondering what I'm having a reaction to.
-Am I right? -No, not really.
It's cats, that's what.
Actually, it's one particular cat.
You know Sam? Sam the cat? No, male nurse.
It's his girlfriend's cat.
We hooked up.
Not just once, either.
And I fit in how? Does me fucking his girlfriend make me a total dick? No.
A lot of things qualify you to be a dick.
You are firing on a lot of cylinders, Coop.
A lot of cylinders.
I love this guy! I missed you so much.
Yeah.
We had a reservation at the Gray Flint Inn, but They overbooked, didn't they? -Yeah.
-It's not family-owned anymore.
When the senior Mr.
Piper died, his adopted son sold it to a corporation.
Not like it used to be.
It's good news for me though.
This isn't a hotel.
This is somebody's living room.
It's called a bed-and-breakfast, sweetie.
And this nice lady, Elaine, shares her house with guests.
And I am delighted to have you.
-Such a beautiful family.
-Thank you.
So, our rooms would be where? The only room is on the second floor, nice and quiet, and filled with gorgeous antiques.
Well, if that doesn't put you in the mood, I don't know what will.
Hey, who likes eggs in the nest for breakfast? Well, this is great.
This Very cozy.
Hey, two tablets of Vicodin and some other shit.
-You okay? -Yeah.
No problem.
My girlfriend's just blowing off my calls.
I know all about that, Sam.
Whatever.
You know, it's probably nothing.
Except last time she did this, there was another guy.
Shit.
That'll kill me.
Hey, Coop.
I left my pager, so Poor Sam here thinks his lady's stepping out on him.
Really? That's Maybe not.
I don't know.
-Something's up.
-Yeah.
The trick is, find out who she's hanging out with.
Am I right, Coop? Sorry.
Excuse me.
Two Vicodin and some other shit.
Hang in there, Sam.
Where is the TV? B&Bs don't have TV, honey.
Look, you guys.
I tried finding a different hotel.
I really did.
You did great, Kev.
I think you guys should try thanking Daddy.
Okay? Adventures toughen you up.
Can we get popcorn shrimp now? How about we ask Elaine if there's a place for popcorn shrimp nearby? Or we can just go exploring.
Knock-knock.
Would you like some cold cuts and sodas? The kitchen's still open.
We were gonna ask you if there's a seafood restaurant nearby.
We're gonna have a family dinner.
Well, there's a tavern at the end of the road.
They boast about their peel-and-eat shrimp, but I happen to know they're frozen.
Well, you know, we all have our secrets.
Grace, Fiona, I have a television downstairs.
You didn't see it.
It's in my Grandma Ruth's antique pie cupboard.
-Please? -Okay.
But only for a bit.
Hon, I know it's none of my business so I guess that's why I'm interested, but you look a little ragged.
I got some schnapps if you want it.
I'm not gonna say anything more on the subject.
I like your frog collection.
It's very nice.
You got a girlfriend? Nah.
Once they see the tic, they run.
That's a shame 'cause you're obviously a nice guy.
I've lost my fair share of girls, too.
Thanks for the pep talk, man, but I saw your picture on this place's brochure.
You're not exactly the kind of guy I can relate to.
I have Tourette's, bro.
Get out of here.
I act out in inappropriate sexual touch.
It's true.
Believe me when I tell you I know what it's like to lose a girl over an involuntary neurological response.
-No way.
-Yes way.
Nearly lost a couple of jobs along the way, too.
But you're a doctor.
Yes, I am.
A doctor who gets a lot of ladies.
Okay.
Mind over matter, my friend.
You can beat this.
Later, Quiznos.
Okay, see here? That's a small, barely perceptible blood clot.
Blood clot? Oh, my God.
Yeah, you came very close to having a pulmonary embolism, which could've killed you.
But luckily, you have this young lady to thank for catching it.
I'll leave you in charge, Zoey.
I'm not, like, young-young.
I'm rounding the corner to the big 2-4.
Thank you.
All in a day's work.
Genesis 3:7.
-"And the" Yeah.
-"Eyes of them both "were opened and they knew -"that they were naked.
" -Naked.
No.
Let's not read.
What do you think her story is? She seems like an ex-nun or something.
-I don't know.
-"In the beginning" She's kind of odd.
She seems nice enough though.
-She's fucking weird.
-She's so fucking weird.
We'll get a good night's sleep, have the breakfast part of our B&B, and take off in the morning.
Kevin? What's up, babe? Please don't kill me.
I'm just having this there's-no-place-like-home kind of a moment.
I like our bed.
I like our breakfast.
How fucked up is that? I drag us all the way out here and that's all I can think about.
-You want to go home? -Is that awful? I think that's great.
Really? We can go home? We can always go home.
You're shivering.
You cold? -A little clammy.
-That's blood sugar.
How about I dump a little more schnapps in that hot cocoa? Handsome and smart.
I've been here all fucking day.
Sir, do not take that tone with me.
Please! I'm begging you! Do you not see this guy? He's in full-blown withdrawal.
He skipped the clinic today.
-I had an emergency! -I'm sorry.
We can't encourage this.
So, you treat his symptoms.
Give him meth.
The guy is in withdrawal.
You don't see this? Do you need to go back to nursing school? Jesus fucking Christ.
Give him 20 methadone, now! Keep your voice down, Dr.
Cooper.
You know what the problem with healthcare is today? Nobody cares! But I do, for the record.
But you missed a pulmonary embolism.
-What? -Nothing.
Drinks? You're joking.
I don't joke.
I need a drink, don't you? So if you're not married anymore, how come you still wear that ring? Keep people away.
Cops.
Short, fat married men.
They see me in a nice suit and can't help themselves.
Catnip.
"Catnip"? My whole life! Many years.
That's so great.
Thank you, guys, for being so good about leaving early.
Sometimes the perfect vacation is just being with your family, even if it's in your own house.
We have a better TV, anyways.
Hey, I can't see in the dark.
How are we supposed to play the alphabet game if we can't see anything? Well, if it's dark outside, you have to find things inside the car.
Let's see.
What letter were we on? "H" was for "Honda.
" "I" was for "interstate.
" "J.
" We're on "J.
" "J" is for "Jackie's phone," which is not a toy.
Can we call Dr.
O'Hara? She called us three times! Sweetie, no.
No work.
No school today.
That's the whole thing about playing hooky.
Baby, if you need to call her back, call her back.
Sit back, Fi.
Put your seat belt on.
Whatever it is, sweetie, it can wait.
There's nothing more important than just being here.
No, wait.
This is Jackie.
It's ringing.
God damn it, Fiona! Give me that phone! -Hello? -Hello, Fiona darling.
She's at a bar.
Have you seen your new school? -I'm not playing.
-My new what? My new what? Have you seen your new school? She wants to know if I've seen my new school.
-God damn it.
-Do I have a new school? Sweetie, give me that phone! I'm not playing! What's she talking about, Jackie? I have no idea.
She's at a bar.
She's shitfaced.
Fiona, give me that phone right now! Jackie? Hi, listen, honey, this is not a good time.
We will talk tomorrow.
Okay, bye.
-What did I do? -What did she do? It's okay, Fi.
You didn't do anything.
Tell me you didn't take her money.
I begged you.
I made you look me in the eye.
Please tell me you didn't take her fucking money.
You took it.
Kevin, please don't do this.
-Seriously, Kevin.
-Dad! -Kevin, don't do this! -Where are you going? Kevin, please! I'm sorry, guys.
Don't worry.
He's just playing a game.
Doesn't he have to be inside the car to play? No, this one has different rules.