Nurse Jackie s05e03 Episode Script

Previously on "Nurse Jackie" Shared custody is fair.
Fair is all I want.
Here's what I want.
I want to go back in a fucking time machine before you were a drug addict and ruined our marriage and fucked up our kids.
Whoa.
You work on your boob-grabbing Tourette's situation on your own time.
Dr.
Roman to the ER.
Dr.
Roman to the ER.
Time to go save some lives.
Thanks for coming, Doctor, after I've already stabilized your patient.
Our new chief of the ER Dr.
Ike Prentiss.
What the fuck was that? Akalitus gives it to some guy who started yesterday? I'm thinking it's time that I moved out and got my own place.
I thought for your birthday I'd give you a ride home.
Eddie, thanks.
That's sweet.
- Can I take a rain check? - Sure.
Where's the lady? I have the experience, the tools, and the resources I need.
I have thought through and prepared myself for all issues.
I smile and cultivate the smile inside myself.
I can do a superb job.
My smile says yes to my success.
I can do a superb job.
My smile says yes to my success.
Your success is your I have to hand it to both of you.
I didn't think we'd get here.
You did great work to find a middle ground.
Yeah, we did a superb job.
- Superb.
Really? - Yeah.
I mean, look at us.
A week ago we were barely speaking.
Now we're speaking and have little documents with little tabs.
You need a pen? No.
Oh, and we have one final piece of business to take care of.
By law and under penalty of perjury, does either of you have any hidden assets? Should have disclosed the box of diamond tiaras under our bed.
And all my gold bullion.
Can you believe we're done? New car.
Hmm.
Take it easy.
I got it used.
Jeep still running okay? Yeah.
I'll die before that thing does.
It's a tank.
Oh, you were getting Fi early tomorrow? She's got math lab at 7:00.
She's really struggling.
I don't know why she's having such trouble.
I mean, she likes school.
She likes math.
Well, she doesn't like multiplying fractions.
Which means I've got to learn that stuff all over again.
Well, you're better at math than me.
Not saying much.
There's construction on the FDR.
You know how to get out of here? Yeah, I'll figure it out.
Follow me.
I am well respected, appreciated.
And I deserve the love and appreciation All right, that's enough of that.
I can do Hey.
Hi, baby.
Are you using? Excuse me? You heard me.
What are you on? I am not on anything.
You were smiling all morning, then you hit my car.
I should have known it was all an act.
It wasn't an act, Kevin.
It was a fucking accident.
You can't believe it.
We should go over there.
Not it.
No tag-backs.
Without a mediator, you're a real fucking asshole, you know that? - What if that were me? - If it were you, I would go over.
- You're easy.
- I don't know what you're upset about.
I am upset because you are standing here screaming at me.
- I am not screaming.
- Okay, then you're standing there being a real asshole very loudly.
I'm going.
I'm going in.
- Oh, I can't believe it.
- You can't believe it? Yes, it was a fucking accident, Kevin.
I am the one in the hospital.
You're always at the goddamn hospital.
When I woke up this morning, I told myself you get up, you get through this meeting, and then you can drive away from her.
That's all I wanted, to drive away.
Really? Because you asked me to follow you.
Oh, good.
Here we all are.
Together again.
Hello.
There is a police officer waiting in admitting to finish an accident report.
Unless you would like to stay with your Jackie.
No, she's on her own.
Ahem.
Name? No.
Please? Please? This is invaluable.
This is, like, Steve Jobs shopping at the Apple Store.
Think how much we can all learn.
Age? Give me that chart.
And this better just be fluids.
It is.
You were super dehydrated.
Your air bag knocked you out for 20 minutes.
Zoey, I have whiplash and I have a bruised rib.
Discharge me, please.
I can't do that.
Oh, so I'm waiting? Really? I'm gonna wait I'm waiting for a doctor? Yes.
And everyone's a little scared of you.
So maybe a little less A little more May I? Three more seconds.
I know you know that.
I just want you to be comfortable.
You can ask me for anything.
Beep.
Normal.
- Vitals are good.
- I know.
Everything that everyone is saying, I know.
I'm gonna have Zoey take your blood pressure again.
You can do better than this.
Look, can you be a nurse for a second and forget about my blood pressure? Will you draw my blood and send it to Kevin, please? Can't legally send plasma through the mail.
Take it.
I am serious.
I am almost 10 months sober.
The longest 10 months of my entire life.
What happened? Why is he Because I hit him with my car on our way out of the lawyer's office.
What, that means I'm high? You don't have to prove anything.
Well, apparently I do.
Every time I screw something up, I have to prove I'm clean all over again.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tourniquet.
Tourniquet.
I'm gonna need a doctor to clear you before you're back on the floor.
I cannot sit here and watch everyone else do my job.
I am losing my mind.
Fuck! Really? Really? Nurses are the worst goddamn patients.
You know what? I'm saying if you're wearing shoes, I don't want to see your individual toes.
I agree.
Never.
- Well, never say never.
- I will say never.
I will say I would rather sleep with a woman than wear athletic toe shoes.
Don't move.
I'm sorry.
Did you just hide from another man behind me? I did.
I appreciate it.
I'll get the gum.
Sir, for his gum.
- Thank you.
- Fresh breath for all.
All right, buddy.
You get to hang here 'cause the guys in CT aren't as efficient as me.
We'll get you up there real soon.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
It's like it doesn't matter how many alarms I set, my body rejects waking up early.
How did you text me to cover for you if you weren't awake? I prewrote that text last night just in case.
So I was like, "What? Send.
" And then I got two more hours of sleep, which was amazing because you're amazing.
So amazing.
Ooh, give me one of those.
What? You're mad at me.
- No.
- You are.
- You are mad at me.
- It's just it's been a little crazy.
CT's backed up again.
I have three patients who aren't, you know, patient.
Here, you get bay two.
Totally.
Bay two, I'm on it.
- Fuck.
- No.
Really? Where is Coop? Coop! Coop, where are you? Coop! Okay, almost there.
Shit.
How do I get this bed, like, up? Thor! Can you make this go away? This thing is a beast.
Sure.
Hide behind me, let me move all your machinery.
I am everyone's giant.
Her heart is made of stone.
Write that on her chart.
Oh, my God.
You're so funny.
Thank you.
Jesus Christ.
Write this patient presented no signs of internal injuries post-accident.
Then you tell me I might be in a little pain later on so I should take it easy.
Then you sign off so I can get on the floor.
Sold.
I am going to give you something for the pain you will definitely be in later.
Are you familiar with Oxy? Uh, you're joking, right? Sorry.
Of course you are.
You are a nurse.
Take two of these.
When you get home, get in a warm bath, you'll feel like you're on the beach in Costa Rica.
Don't fuck with the dosage.
Wow.
Oh, you're not allergic to anything, are you? Except an expensive haircut? I'm kidding.
You're really pretty.
You should smile more.
Fuck.
I know.
I have that effect on a lot of people.
I'm Sergeant Frank Verelli.
I just got done speaking with your ex-husband.
I will need to see your driver's license, please.
Ah, yes.
Of course.
- Okay, here it is.
- Thank you.
You all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
Ex-husband.
Just nobody's called him that yet.
Ah, fresh ink.
How long have you been divorced? Oh, I don't know.
Two hours, I guess.
Little less.
Is that why you decided to hit him with your car? No, it was an accident, Officer.
Come on, you wanted to do it.
A little bit? Just a little? I'm sorry, are you flirting with me? Well, that just killed it.
But you're new, so I'm gonna give you a break, okay? Oh, I get it.
Okay, real quick.
Take it in.
So, Jackie Peyton, what is it you do? His name's Roger.
He's in and out.
in a double-decker tour bus got nailed by a no-left-turn sign.
Yo, I need a nurse in here! Sorry, I have to take this.
While you're at it.
Thank you.
His forehead is bleeding like a motherfucker.
Oh, yeah, he's got a pumper.
I want to get CT to neuro consult.
- You got my stapler? - Yeah, it's right here.
Hey, Roger.
My name is Jackie.
Welcome to New York.
Whoa, whoa, what is that shit? BP's 70 over 40, dropping.
Guys, don't leave.
Did you get a history? Yeah, no meds.
His wife says he's healthy.
Never been in a hospital.
Chest is clear.
Bilateral breath sounds.
Let's roll him onto his side, see if there's anything we missed.
On three.
Let's go.
One, two, three.
Yikes, what is that? Is that a little building? It's the Empire State Building souvenir in his back.
- Yeah, we missed that.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you think? It's in there kinda deep.
What kind of heat would I get into if I took this out right here right now? Oh, please, a lot.
Please don't.
Zoey, let's get him propped up on his side so he doesn't make things worse.
I will call surgery.
Tourists like all the wrong shit Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty.
Hey, I was the Statue of Liberty three years in a row for Halloween and I was born here.
You got anything? These assholes upstairs are not answering.
Hold on, guys.
The OR is not ready.
Where are you going? I'll introduce myself.
They'll make room, trust me.
You should sit down.
You were just in a car accident.
Hello.
- So you're a nurse.
- Yes, I am.
That's good.
You know, it's the same deal at the station.
You just want to sit down, catch your breath, maybe eat a couple of Junior Mints or talk to your kid.
And then three feet away, someone else's life as they know it is over.
I got two kids.
Boys.
They're beautiful.
Joint custody.
Me and the wife, we're old pros.
You need me to fill something else out for your form or something? No.
That's all done.
So you want to have dinner? Uh I I can't right now.
That's good, 'cause I don't want to have dinner with you at 1:00 in the afternoon.
Um I I don't know what to say.
In case you do.
How are you feeling? I'm fine, Zoey.
Do you want to go to lunch? Why is everyone asking me to eat? You know what? Sure.
Where do you want to go? So I'm waiting for my Venti Awake Tea Latte and I'm thinking, "How am I gonna find an apartment?" And I guess I said it out loud because the guy behind me says, "I have an apartment.
" Isn't it insane? I'm glad New York is such a magical place for so many people.
Almost there.
Technically, it's a studio plus.
- Plus what? - I know.
So I gave some guy $500 to hold it for me.
But I didn't want to sign anything until you saw it.
So? Yeah, it's great, Zoey.
Yeah, I never lived on my own, so Yeah, it's great.
I mean it.
- Sign the paper.
- Really? Really really? Well, I pulled a small building out of a big man, pissed off a few surgeons, and turned a boring ass day around.
I say I've earned this souvenir.
Documentation is a large part of your boring ass day.
And I would love to see more of it.
Okay.
So you want to talk about my paperwork.
It is my hope that you can save lives and document the process so that we can remain funded and continue to do just that.
Now, if you would like to take these Okay, okay, I get it.
How about this? Put that shit on my desk.
Started a Hep-Lock at 5:00 P.
M.
Lab's still not back yet.
Follow up with home care worker whose name I totally forgot.
Her name was Melinda.
You look tired.
My whole body is tired, but I can stay late if that helps.
No, it's okay.
Get out of here.
- Thanks, Dr.
Cooper.
- 15.
There is a guy waiting to hear how his wife is.
She's the one who fell down the escalator on 53rd and Lex.
She's gonna be in a wheelchair for at least six months.
I know.
It is awful.
Can you tell him? No.
Please? I laugh when I get nervous.
I don't mean to be a dick, but there are 5,000 people that would kill to have this residency.
Look, being a doctor isn't for everyone.
Excuse me? Did you not hear me or are you pissed? I'm honestly asking because I'm having a hard time reading you.
Dude, you're not the only person in the world that went to medical school.
You need to get out of my face, okay? - Whoa, okay, hold on.
- I am.
If you can do this, I can do this.
- By this you mean - All of it.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Doctors playing doctor.
Uh, let go on the count of three? One, two, three.
Do you ever go home? What's up? I see you've got a deskful, but we are short on nurses.
There's never a good time to bring this up.
They make the place run more efficiently and we need more of them.
- Hiring freeze.
- I know.
Well, if you need more temps, you hire them and I'll sign off after the fact.
- You will? - I will.
And if we get backed up and you need to order some tests, you order them.
Make good decisions and don't give me any more paperwork, all right? - Hey, I heard.
- It was nothing.
You know me, I bounce back hard.
Yeah, I saw Kevin, so I figured I'd stay in the cave.
You don't have to hide out.
- You want something? - No, I'm good.
God, it was a shitty day.
I signed 400 papers, ended my marriage, gave him joint custody, then this cop asks me out at the worst possible moment.
I don't know.
This shit only happens to me, right? Yeah, well, my advice take your time.
Don't rush.
Don't drive into anyone else.
- What's with the tone? - No tone.
No, there's definitely a tone.
I just came in here to talk to my friend.
Okay, got it.
That is what you are, right? You know what, Jackie? I would love to sit down with you someday and sign some document that would clarify just what the fuck we are.
Hey, Gloria.
How can we help you? I don't know what I came in here for.
Take all the time you need.
I don't know what I came in here for either.
Please, you always know exactly why you do something.
Don't come in here and pretend like I don't know who the fuck you are.
Yes! Plastic tubing.
Oh, crap.
That's not in here.
Sorry about that.
I knew we still had some.
Been running low.
You have any questions about how to use these? No, I'm very familiar.
I have a bad back.
Great.
Thank you.
Yeah, I thought dinner was too much pressure.
So I just thought coffee.
You still look very surprised.
Well, I'll be honest with you.
I got pretty good instincts and I thought I was dead in the water here.
Good instincts, bad handwriting.
You should be a doctor.
You see? I like that.
I like when a compliment sounds like an insult.
That was my father.
My mom was Italian.
She was the one snapping the dish towels and telling everyone to wipe their feet.
Yeah, my mom was an enforcer.
And a drinker.
You come from a big family? So you both went to therapy? Yeah, it helped.
We broke up a lot quicker.
And a lot less bullshit, you know? I still go once a month for maintenance.
I go to the gym once a month, too.
I like the Zumba.
That was a visual I didn't need.
I took a world cinema class at NYU at night.
Thought I'd meet people.
And by people I mean women.
Next thing I know, I'm watching this movie about Brazilian street kids.
You ever see it? "Pixote.
" You ever see it? Don't.
It'll make you want to kill yourself.
"Pixote.
" I'll take that off my list.
- No "Pixote.
" - How do you spell "Pixote"? This bloody nose won't stop.
So it's getting all over the front of my new little pretty first-day-of-school dress and I spent the entire first day in the nurse's office.
They had to get me an old shirt from the lost and found.
You know, that story's almost too pathetic to tell.
- What? That's not really the time.
- What? Oh, God, Kevin's gonna be dropping the kids.
Fuck.
I'm gonna be so late.
No, you're not.
So, do you want to do this again? Because I do.
Um, a couple things you've got to know.
I'm a recovering drug addict.
I work 70 hours a week.
I have two girls.
So it's a date.