Offspring (2010) s03e09 Episode Script

No, Nina.
Just crash here.
It's fine, honestly.
I've even got a spare toothbrush in there.
Whoa, Adam.
Yeah? I think you're an attractive man and you're obviously a good citizen.
My son's name was Gus.
A few days before he was due Jodie said to me, "He's not moving.
" I really think Phillip should come tonight.
I mean, it's a question of everyone just cutting through the bullshit.
I had intercourse with you.
Oh! Sorry.
I watch you all the time That was amazing! Amazing.
- Oh, Cherie! - How long? It's the real thing.
The baby might not be able to breathe on its own yet, Jim.
They say that I'm on airport standby, but Are you listening to me? Hang on.
What are you doing? I'm just getting ready to go.
I can't see anything.
Oh! I'm eye-to-eye with your boosies right now.
Sorry.
No, seriously, your whole boosial region's smiling at me.
Back now! God, you look tired.
Oh, do I? Yeah, well, I was at the hospital all night.
Yeah, the hospital.
I've spoke to Dad, I've spoken to Mick and I don't know what's going on.
Zara went into premature labour.
So, have you pumped her full of drugs to stop it? Yes.
So now she's going to go full-term? Well, full-term's optimistic, but with some bed rest and observation Doctor voice.
That wasn't doctor voice.
That was update voice.
It was doctor voice.
Well, sometimes, doctor voice is the appropriate voice.
What about him? Well, he seems a bit offbeat for you.
You haven't even met him.
No, I spoke to him for some time on the phone.
It's nothing.
It's innocent.
He's a nice person who just happens to be a man.
And you introduced him to your family? The only reason he met the family is because I left my phone at his place the night I accidentally stayed there.
Random sexing! No.
What, so instead of random sexing, you just happened to meet a perfectly nice man? Yes.
Neens are you on a tragic, emotional, kamikaze rebound mission? Got to go.
I've got the specs, but the measurements in the email don't match the ones in the CAD file.
So, would you mind checking up on that for me? I just need to know which are the correct ones, OK? Thanks.
Yeah, bye.
There's muffins there if you want them.
Thanks.
So, he seems nice.
Who? Adam.
Oh, yeah, he's nice.
In a platonic way.
Really? Mum.
He likes you.
Well, we don't really know each other.
So, where do you see it heading? Well, I don't see it heading anywhere because I've just broken up with Patrick and I'm not going to dive headlong into some new, kamikaze Alright, alright.
Of course, we have heard that before.
Dad's on his way over here.
Because he wants to clarify some things about Phillip Noonan.
Why can't we all just? I'd like to clarify some things too.
Phillip is my biological father and we're all trying to figure out what that means and if you're spending time with him He's pursuing me.
It's been incessant.
Mum, it would really hurt Dad if you got romantic with Phillip again.
Can I tell you something? Mmm.
Back in the '70s, after Billie was born, I was on the brink of leaving Darcy.
I'd had enough and Philip was keen.
He was sweet.
But What? The sex.
Yes? It was absolutely, utterly mind-blowingly bad.
Move your leg.
No! We only ever did it that once.
It drove me straight back to Darcy.
Sorry, was I conceived during sex that was so bad that it was in minus numbers? But, darling, I don't believe that the sexual performance during the conception has anything to do with the sexual performance of the offspring.
Who DOES think that? No-one.
I'm just saying, I don't want you to think that that's the reason why you're bad in bed.
I'm not bad in bed! I'm not bad in bed.
Oh, that must be Darcy.
I am good in bed.
Good morning.
Phillip.
I've got muffins.
Oh.
Hi, Nina.
Hi! How's poor Zara doing? Oh, yeah.
Fine, fine.
Good.
Fine.
Nifedipine to try and stop the labour? Yeah, sorry.
This You can't be here.
I've got muffins.
My dad's on his way here right now, so Good-o.
No, Phillip.
Nina thinks it would be unwise if Darcy were to see you here.
Mmm.
Oh.
Sorry to push you out the door.
No, no, it's alright.
If you think that's Yeah.
Oh! No, no, no, no, no.
Quick.
Out the back.
Quick, quick.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
Back this way.
Oh, God.
Crumbs.
Hello.
Geraldine.
How are you? Good, good.
Is Nina around? What now? Just quick! Go out the front.
I mean, I haven't seen her.
Oh, well, she said she was on her way here.
Go! Oh, well, maybe she came while I was in the shower.
Oh.
I definitely arranged to meet her here.
Hello, love.
Hi, Dad! What are you doing? I was just mixing it up a bit.
Sometimes, I come in the front.
Sometimes, I come in the window, you know.
Do you need a hand? No, no, no.
It's fine.
I do this all the time.
It's great.
Ooh! Have you got any muffins, Mum? Yes, I do.
How about some muffins, Darcy? Why don't we? I like coming in that way.
Eat muffins? Last night was the second time I've been ambushed by a run-in with Nina's biological father.
Look, can I just? No, no.
Just hear me out.
Nina, you deserve to have an ongoing relationship with the man.
If you feel it's something you need.
Still, I'd rather not see him all the time.
Oh, of course not.
And in future, I'd like to be consulted, or at the very least forewarned, if you're thinking of including him in family events.
I think that's only fair.
Don't you, Mum? Hey, I didn't come on too strong in there, did I? Not at all.
You were great.
Good.
- See you, love.
- Nina! What are you doing? You were meant to go away.
Well, you were waving me.
I thought you meant This is so much fun.
What? Hiding from your father, crawling under windows, hiding in bushes.
Your mother does something to me.
I've got to go to work.
What about Zara? I know he's the father and everything, but he's being an idiot.
It's not fair on her.
He's got to stop it.
You've got to say something.
There's nothing I can do.
Well, you're the only one that can.
No, she can.
- Hmm? What's going on? - Jimmy.
He's making a complete pain of himself.
Zara really needs to rest.
You've got to go and say something.
Where is he? Zara's room.
OK.
I got the house key.
Thanks for that.
Oh, you're welcome.
Was there a message that I was supposed to understand in the way you delivered it? Sorry? Well, you just You came to the gig and you didn't say hello to me, but you gave the key to Dad.
You were busy.
Oh.
Oh.
So, that's your way of telling me you were watching me? I can see what you're doing.
Oh? You feel guilty about this new guy, so you're taking it out on me.
Oh, no, don't do that.
Don't look into me and read me.
Don't decode me.
Don't Attempt to understand you? There's nothing going on between Adam and I.
Despite what it might look like, it's platonic.
Not that it has anything to do with you.
So why are you telling me about it, then? Well, because I'm Don't.
Sorry.
No need to get worked up about it.
I'm not worked up about it.
My mistake.
Draw four.
Oh.
Hey, Neens.
Hi.
How's it going? Good.
Jim, can I have a word with Zara, please? OK.
Everything OK? Can I be honest? Mm-hm.
I'm exhausted.
What's he doing? His practical jokes, stupid stuff.
He's on this surprise jag.
First, there was surprise chips.
Surprise chips.
Then, there was surprise vampire.
Probably the grossest was Surprise urine sample.
It's been harmless, but strangely annoying.
Yeah.
And I don't want to send him away, so I thought maybe if we played Uno, he'd settle down.
I'll have a word with him.
Thanks.
Nina? You know, don't you, that if I have a Caesarean, I want Clegg to do it.
Yeah, well, he's very good.
It's nothing personal.
I wouldn't do it.
The baby's going to be my relative.
Yeah.
And Clegg's stitches are the best.
Well, I'll have a word to Jimmy.
Surprise hairspray! Stop it! You're going to have to rein it in if you want to stay here.
What? Zara is very delicate.
If you can't control yourself, you'll have to leave.
I was just trying to be It's annoying.
I wasn't trying to be annoying.
She's just been really stressed lately and I was trying to take her mind off it.
Jimmy, she needs peace and quiet and to keep that baby inside for as long as possible.
OK.
But it's totally bogus you threatening me with banishment.
It's like negative treatment for being a family member.
I'd be having this conversation with any expectant father that was being a pest.
You'd use a nicer tone, I bet.
This is the tone I use when I get surprise hairspray.
Hey.
Last night - Mick and Rosanna? Yeah.
Did you think anything? I thought they sounded great together.
Is that what you meant? Yep.
OK.
Put that away.
Hi.
Come in.
Thanks.
Well the phone's been ringing.
Aha! Yeah, last night was a big success.
We've already had an expression of interest from a booking agent.
Great! I thought we should discuss the possibility of A tour.
Yeah.
And is that what you want? I thought that was the whole point.
You know, make a show, tour.
Yeah, but do YOU want to do it? I asked you first.
Well, you're half the team.
Well, you're the captain of the team.
You know I'm just the keyboard player.
We're a duo.
If we're going to make that decision, I think we should make it together.
Are we still talking about working together or are we talking about what happened last night? Nothing happened.
Yeah, but something nearly did.
Yeah, but nothing did.
OK, then.
Well, we should go over some potential dates.
Hello? It's Phillip.
Hello.
I want you to come on a date with me.
A date? An old-fashioned date.
Dinner and a stroll through the park.
I'll pick you up, drop you home.
I, um I'm not going to go on a date with you.
I just don't think it's a good idea.
Hello? Are you there? Yes.
Oh, OK.
I'll let you buy me dinner.
Great.
As long as you understand that nothing NOTHING is going to happen.
I'll pick you up at five.
"Nina.
" Nina with quotation marks? "It's finished.
We're not getting back together.
"Please stop talking as if we are because it's not going to happen.
" What? I haven't been! Patrick, quotation marks.
I don't know where you got the frankly outrageous idea that I think I haven't been talking as if we're getting back together.
Nothing I've said or done could have left him with the impression that that's what I wanted or was trying to achieve.
Excuse me? Hello? I'm looking for someone.
Patrick Reid.
Oh, yes.
I'm looking for him myself, actually.
Are you a patient? Um, no.
Not so much, no.
OK, hang on.
Cherie? Do you know where Dr Reid is? Um Dr Reid.
I never got used to hearing people call him that.
Oh, are you a friend of his? Not exactly.
I used to be married to him.
Wait here.
Oh! It's Jodie, isn't it? Yeah.
I thought you lived in Perth.
Yes, I'm visiting with my husband and son.
They're just parking the car.
Right.
I'm Nina.
Hi! Here they are.
Jodie.
This is him? Patrick, this is my husband, Matt.
G'day.
Hi.
This is Liam.
Hey, Liam.
Hi.
Have you met my colleague Nina? - "Colleague"? - Jodie! Jodie, Jodie, Jo-Jo! Oh, Martin! Excuse me.
Well, come to my office.
"My colleague.
" It's one thing to end a relationship, Patrick.
Another to wipe it off the face of the earth.
Nina? Jodie.
Wow.
Did you know she was? Yeah, I knew they were in town and they'd pop in at some point.
Jodie and Martin are friends.
Oh, you don't have to explain to me.
We're not together anymore.
You're not accountable to me.
Nina, you're upset.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, you are.
Am I just your colleague? Is there a better word? No.
No, I guess not.
It's just Sorry, being introduced to her that way was Thanks for the email.
What email? I don't want to get back together with you and I haven't been talking that way.
Nina, that email wasn't for you.
It was meant for my sister.
Oh, please.
Patrick! Nina, I must have addressed it to you by mistake.
Hey, Nina, look.
I apologise.
It won't happen again.
Hello.
Hey, Nina.
It's Adam.
What are you doing? Oh, um, I don't know, really.
Do you want to have dinner tonight? Um, well, I Wow.
I'm just I'm a bit Yeah, listen, no dramas.
It's not like a date.
It's just maybe even a non-date.
Hello? Are you still alive? Hmm? Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Yes.
Alright.
Can you go? As in? Leave.
What did I do? Nothing, nothing.
It's just you sitting there is starting to stress me out and I'm going to be in here awhile.
You want me to go? Yeah, just hang with Mick, or whatever.
Oh, OK.
Am I allowed to come back? Yeah, at some point.
OK.
Bye.
Geraldine, can I lay my cards on the table? What cards? Way back then you came to me and told me that your marriage was over and we had this miraculous night together.
A night that resulted in Nina.
But then you disappeared.
It was the sex.
You'd breathe out and I don't know what you'd been eating, but it wasn't good and I kept breathing to escape and you kept exhaling and exhaling.
And you have no gift for the act itself.
None.
Your lack of talent in bed saved my marriage.
In intervening news, I've had oral surgery for tonsil stones which would probably be the cause of the halitosis.
Oh.
I've read a lot of books and seen a lot of films about sex.
Oh, that's very dedicated of you.
Sleeping with you was the bravest thing I've ever done in my life.
Until now.
Geraldine, please, give me another trot.
Oh, Phillip.
Uh - Kate.
- Oh, the email.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I am so sorry.
It's just Patrick is mortified.
I'm mortified.
Oh, God, the whole thing, it's just It's mortifying.
Well, it was an accident.
I just want you to know that, for the record, I haven't been going on and on about you two getting back together.
It's Well, OK, I have.
But I just think that the whole thing happened so Speedy Gonzales and now, two people that should be together aren't together and I just I can't get over it.
It's crazy.
Anyway, I'm embarrassed now and I'm going to go.
Hello.
Hello.
Sorry.
How are you going? Good.
You weren't 100% about having dinner with me, were you? Oh, it's just I was It's OK.
No, you're right.
I wasn't 100% sure.
Even though you said it was a non-date.
It's still enough like a date.
Questioning my motives.
It's fine.
I don't want you to spend the whole of dinner nervous that, at any minute, I might suddenly put on the moves.
Me neither.
But let's say it won't happen tonight.
That way, neither of us need to fear the end of dinner.
OK.
I'm walking around going, "What is that smell?" Look down.
Oh, the nappy's leaking.
Oh, here's Pat.
Sorry, we didn't wait for you.
We are well under way.
It's so good to see you.
You too.
Oh, and I was just about to ask Kate if you were seeing anyone.
Single.
Well, you went to the hospital, right? Did you meet Nina? Yeah, the blonde one.
Yeah.
You said she was your colleague.
She is my colleague.
Also the woman he broke up with, like a tragic.
Patrick, that is so you.
All cloak and dagger with your emotions.
Oh, but Nina? She's lovely.
Yes.
And that must have been awful for her, being introduced as your colleague.
Yeah.
When did you break up? Oh, five minutes ago.
Why? Because he's wedded to misery and he has decided to ruin every relationship for the rest of his life.
We were headed in separate directions.
Um, hello? Whose version do you believe? His or mine? Is it time to order some food? I'm not religious, if that's what you're asking.
No.
But just how do you keep the engine running? Beliefs.
More You feed homeless people.
You look after stray doctors who have had too much to drink.
Where does that come from? I'm no angel.
I slept through my teens, partied through my 20s.
Then, I thought about how I wanted my life to be.
My only skill, apart from cooking, is I can do this.
Shamone! Michael Jackson.
Oh, no, Patrick's the favourite.
She doesn't even pretend to like me when I try and take her off him.
She grabs on to him.
"I don't want to go.
" It's fine.
It's terrific.
I'm not offended.
I might just call the babysitter.
OK.
Smooth exit.
So? So.
Is your husband OK with you having dinner with me? Of course.
Why? He's not the jealous type? No.
He knows all about us, Patrick.
All of it.
I'm not here to rub your face in anything.
But I wanted to give you this.
Remember the air conditioner didn't work and the mosquitoes were biting like crazy? Yeah.
Hey, it's OK.
Why did you make this? Because I'm his mother and I wanted my other children to know him.
You know, at the end of this ice-cream, that's the official end of dinner.
I know.
I was just thinking that.
It's been a really good dinner.
It has.
I hope we have another one sometime.
Ooh, sorry.
Oh, it's work.
I've got to Hello.
Nina, you've got to come in.
What? It's Zara.
What's happened? We can't hold the labour off any longer.
It's happening right now.
Ooh, I've got Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to go.
Someone needs me at work.
I've really got to go now.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Goodnight.
I'm going to call.
I'll call.
I will.
Zara, hi.
Where's Jimmy? He's on his way.
She's in shock.
She's been saying the same thing for five minutes.
Where's Clegg? He's scheduled to do the Caesarean.
Cherie says there's a problem.
I don't know where he is.
Zara, can I examine you? It's OK.
Hey, where's Martin? Where's Jimmy? He's on his way, Zars.
Jimmy.
Hello.
What's going on? Can you take me home? I don't want to do this.
Zara, I need to examine you.
It sounds like Nina needs to just check everything's OK.
How about we let her do that, yeah? OK.
OK? OK.
OK.
Hop on.
Help her up on the bed, Jim.
OK.
Big, deep breaths.
About one minute from now? Yeah.
OK, Zar.
Just relax.
Yes, yes, I'm coming! Are you OK? Um, yes.
Let's go.
Nina, can't you give her something else to make it stop? There's no stopping it now, Jimmy.
The baby's coming.
We need to get to theatre.
But But the baby won't I'm ordering a code green.
What's that? It's an emergency caesar.
Zara, I'll see you in there.
Where's Martin? Let's assume he's not coming.
What? Didn't you say the baby's coming? What's going on? Martin's not going to be able to do the caesarean.
Sorry.
Will you do it? I want you to do it.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yep, I'll do it.
OK.
Nina, Nina! Zara's only 29 weeks.
I know.
The NICU team are going to be right there ready to help.
But the baby won't be able to breathe, will it? Remember, I told you we were giving Zara drugs to help the baby's lungs mature? Yeah, but you said the drugs needed time to work.
Jimmy, we're all going to do our very best.
I promise you.
Sorry, Nina.
Where's Martin? I want to tell you, but I don't want to tell you.
What? Why? He sustained an injury.
It's a sex injury, isn't it? I put him on painkillers, so we'll see.
Hopefully, by tomorrow, everything will be OK.
I have to wash my hands now.
Could you please get Jimmy prepped for theatre? Sure.
Hey, Jimmy.
Follow me.
It's OK.
She'll be fine.
Come on.
- Jimmy! - Jimmy! What's happening? We're getting him changed.
Is the baby going to be alright? We've got the intensive care unit standing by.
Come on, Jimmy.
Hey, Jimmy.
Did the spinal block take effect? - IDC is in.
- Hi, Zara.
Jimmy's here.
Jimmy.
Hi.
Ready to go? I'm going to make an incision now, OK? No, no, no, no, no.
Stop, wait.
You're hurting her.
Are you in pain, Zara? No, no pain.
But I can feel it.
I can feel her cutting me.
There is some sensation, OK? It's normal.
Zara, look at me.
Don't worry about what's happening down there.
Just focus on me, OK? Do you remember before when I was doing all those lame surprises? They were funny.
Oh, really? At the time, you thought they were boring.
No, they were funny.
You were really funny.
It's OK.
It's OK.
Billie.
I'm home.
What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was at the airport on standby and I got a flight and now I'm home.
Come and get me.
No, we're at the hospital.
Jimmy's baby's being born right now.
What?! Hey, hey, hey.
No, no, no.
It's an emergency.
I've got to get to the hospital.
Mine.
Here he is.
Is he breathing? - Is he breathing? - Check the lungs.
What colour is he? Blue.
Oh, no! - No! - No response.
Will someone tell me if he's breathing? Still nothing.
- It's alright, Jimmy.
- Come on, little man.
That's what we want to hear.
Let's get him to the NICU.
- What's going on? - Jimmy, you go with him.
Jim, go.
Take some photos and send them to Zara.
OK.
Hey.
It's going to be OK.
Are you alright? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Are you? Yeah, yeah.
Exhausted? Patrick I know I said that nothing was going on with Adam but I'm not sure that that's true.
And the reason I'm telling you this is because I don't think things had to go wrong between us.
I think we could have tried harder to stay together.
But we didn't.
That's what's happened and I, um I want to get over us.
I just I don't want this to hurt anymore.
You should probably go and be with your family.
Yeah.
Hey, Zara.
How are you doing? It's a bit hard to take in right now, hey, Zars? Jimmy sent through a picture.
I know what's going on in the NICU.
I know it's not good.
I just wish I didn't know.
I just wish I didn't know! Photos.
Oh-ho-ho! - Oh, look at that! Here you are.
I've been upstairs.
I've been downstairs.
It's you.
It's really you.
God, you smell so good.
So do you.
Oh, Neens.
You've been through so much while I've been away.
I'm so glad you're home.
Welcome back.
It's so good to see you, sweetie.
Cherie.
Hello, my girl.
Hello, darling.
Where's Jimmy? I want to see Jimmy.
He's in there, but you have to be very quiet, Billie.
Yeah, inside voice.
Hi.
I love you so much.
I never tell you, but I do.
I love you so much.
Take a look at him.
Hello, beautiful.
What's his name? He doesn't have one yet.
We've been calling him Peanut.
Hello, Peanut.
I brought you something.
I made the taxi stop on the way and everyone yelled and honked at me, but I didn't care.
Hey.
You may not have a name yet, but you've got an auntie who loves you, OK? You're beautiful.
Adam.
Hi.
Hi.
I fell asleep.
Mmm.
What are you doing sleeping outside my door? I knew you'd be exhausted by the time you finally got home.
By then, it would be ages since you ate, so I made you some soup.
It's just a delivery, though.
That's all.
Thank you.
That's alright.
Enjoy.
Do you want to come in? Keep me company while I eat it? Yeah.
Oh no funny business, though.
I think we should make a toast.
Mmm.
The new baby.
The new baby.