Offspring (2010) s03e11 Episode Script

You think if you do these things, we're gonna be a family.
We ARE a family.
No.
I am not a Proudman.
I'm so proud of you, Jimmy.
Alfie.
I wanna call him Alfie.
I'd like to let you know that Patrick and I have broken up.
Oh, Neen.
I'm I'm so sorry.
Hey, buddy, I don't know what's going on here, but What's going on is I'm coming inside, OK? No, you're not.
Oh! Oh! Oh, God! Now someone's gonna have to take him to emergency.
I'll call you.
Do what you've gotta do.
I'm gonna take the job at the Ainsworth.
I'll ask Martin if I can finish early.
Next week.
We had to do an emergency caesarean.
I couldn't save your baby, Louise.
I'm so sorry.
What's wrong, boy? I'm sorry to do this to you in a message but Rocket's dead.
Amazing! Oh! We should have dinner with Rosanna.
I want to get to know her properly.
And why are you both here today? Well, I'm wanting to get in shape for an upcoming occasion.
OK, a wedding or? - Just a lunch.
- OK.
I've invited my husband's professional soul mate to lunch.
Right.
She's very attractive, kind of like an English rose type.
English rose ethereal hippie, so I want to look I need to look hot.
But hot in a completely unforced, unself-conscious way.
Ah, and you? I'm here so Billie could get a discount.
I'm here so Billie could get a discount.
No! It's potentially the last time they are ever going to set eyes on each other.
You're applying your superficial values to me Even though she'd never admit it manipulating an emotional and painful situation to justify your discount.
She wants her hotness to give him agonising regret.
I'm an obstetrician.
My wrists are important.
Nup.
Sorry, machine's defective.
Feeling a little bit faint.
Excuses! It's not a race.
Excuses! I'm sorry.
Sorry! Yes! Ouch! Oh, thanks a lot, Billie.
OK, so, physically, you're a wreck.
Great! Doesn't matter.
Must find poise, dignity.
It's your last day with Patrick.
Is it really the last day? Whatever.
I suppose friendly catch-ups are unlikely.
Our best friend IS Martin Clegg.
But isn't prone to hosting events.
Hello.
Hello! It's Phillip.
I just had a new patient come in.
It turned out to be Patrick Reid's sister.
Oh! She came in with her daughter.
A complete coincidence.
Ah, I think it's unlikely that it's a complete Oh, no, no.
It took her ages to make the connection.
Um, you don't happen to be Nina Proudman's father, do you? Ium am.
Yes.
Oh, I'm Patrick Reid's sister! She was very chatty.
Yes, she is.
I thought things might have been a little awkward, given the, um Situation? Yes, but she seemed very keen to discuss matters.
Oh, well, hope it wasn't too personal.
Oh, no, no, no.
Well The failure of my relationship with Nina's mother will always be the biggest regret of my life.
Oh, Phillip.
And now I see how things have fallen apart between your brother and Nina and I just wish I could Punch him in the head? Oh no.
Well, I wanted to.
But then, last week, things blew up with them again and Patrick ended up drinking, which, for him, is just I don't know.
Maybe he's right.
Maybe they're just bad for each other.
Yes, he is right.
In fact, we agree on that now, Patrick and I, and we're gonna have to say goodbye to each other today.
Oh! What? You can't walk away from a love like that.
I did, and I tell you, there isn't a day goes by that I don't agonise over it.
But Nina's moved on.
She's seeing someone.
No, no! She's putting on a strong front, of course, but I can tell you if there was any hope at all of reigniting that relationship, Nina would be overjoyed.
WHAT?! I've done something wrong, haven't I? Sorry, I just thought, um Oh, no, it's just today was complicated enough as it is.
Look, I'm sure she didn't say anything to her brother.
She probably didn't even mention it.
This is complete The only thing that is stopping you being together is you.
Been over this a million times.
You said you understood.
I did understand.
But now I have more information and I'm revising my understanding.
It's good for you, Kate.
Can I go now? "I'm sorry, Nina.
I freaked out.
"I'm moody and damaged ".
.
and I don't want to say goodbye because ".
.
I love you.
" That's all it would take.
Hi.
Hey.
Is this a good time? Is this a good time? No.
Nina, if I had a wisecracking older sister she'd be saying, "Stay away from that woman.
" What if that woman just wanted a chance to explain somehow? Ah, she'd probably say, "Don't listen.
"Don't get sucked in.
" "Just move on, Adam.
" Your sister's pretty tough.
Yeah, bolshie.
Adam, I know I I don't deserve any of your time but just I just want to Make yourself feel better? Yes, probably.
Sorry.
I'd really like to talk but I understand if you don't want to This rush will be over in about an hour.
Can you come back? I'm just on my way to work.
Tomorrow? Tomorrow.
No, no, no, no.
No clubs, no pubs, no nothing.
Let's find something that's family-friendly that, you know that hasn't got alcohol.
Yeah, it's cool.
Just Nina.
Hey! We were just discussing Patrick's, ah, goodbye drinks.
Oh, are we? Except I don't think it's appropriate to have drinks with someone who doesn't drink.
Yeah, and I am My idea - bowling.
Booyah! Tenpin.
It's perfect.
It's a sport and you love sport.
Bowling? It's in the Olympics and they play terrible '80s power rock.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! So, how are you feeling on your last day, soldier? Fine, thanks.
Hey, just to be clear, there's no need for any events today, OK? No.
No cakes.
No speeches.
Nuh.
Mm-hm.
He'll come round.
Yuh, should we say around eight-ish? Eight's fine.
Yeah.
I'll call the bowling alley.
Is Martin on some kind of medication or something? I think he's auditioning as a normal person.
I think he's trying to convince me that I should have a baby with him bud it's really freakin' me out.
One lane should be I mean, one lane should be cool, yeah? Yes, Martin.
Yeah, make it one.
Oh! What's his sister said? You need to say something.
Say something.
So last day.
Fabulous choice, Nina.
Sophisticated.
Yeah.
You OK? Sorry? You're moving strangely.
What? Nuh.
Am I? Hmm.
No.
Nup.
They're planning something for me, aren't they? Oh, I don't know.
You'd stop them doing anything strange, right? It's impossible to prevent strangeness in this workplace, Patrick.
I think your sister went to see my father.
Yeah, I heard.
And I think my father said some things.
I'm pretty sure Kate got a word in too.
Sorry.
Don't worry.
I set her straight.
Oh, good.
Good.
That's good.
Well Good.
Only six more hours to get through.
Just chopping onions.
What are you doing? The goggles prevent crying.
No, what are you doing in HERE? Oh, I kicked the French-Canadians out for the day.
Why? I don't want to advertise to Rosanna that we live in a warren above a garage.
Oh, this isn't working.
Oh, God, the internet lies.
Rosanna knows where we live.
She's been here a couple of times.
I thought you rehearsed at her house.
Yeah, but sometimes she drops me off.
It just seemed natural - "Come in, see the place.
" Fuck! Fuckin' shit.
You OK? Yes! You know, we don't have to do this.
Say you got sick or say I got sick.
We could cancel.
Why would we cancel? I don't want to cancel.
Why would you want to cancel? You need a decent sleep, Jimmy.
I'm fine.
You'll get sick and then you'll be no use to Alfie.
You don't get sick from being tired, Mum.
What? Oh, really? What, you're a medical expert, are you? You get sick because viruses enter your body.
And do stuff.
To your body.
On your insides.
She's right, Jimmy.
You should get a few hours.
I'm here now.
You've got things to consider.
Alfie's not going to be in the NICU forever.
Where are you gonna go? Are you gonna? We've already decided that, Geraldine.
The baby's gonna live at my house.
Wh Well, perhaps we could head out shopping one afternoon.
I could make a list.
Thanks but Kim's already offered to baby-scope the apartment, so we'll cover that.
Well, if you need any additional help He was looking at me before.
Staring right into my eyes like a little hypnotist.
Jimmy, I was never gonna live at your mother's.
We established that.
Can we not talk about this in front of Fine.
It wouldn't mean we'd have to be together or anything.
Thought you didn't want to talk about it.
You could have Billie's room.
Jimmy.
Alfie could have my old room.
I'll have Nina's.
It's got the best backyard.
The ponds have gone a bit feral but we could fix that.
I think there's probably still some of my old Matchbox cars in the planter box.
Alfie will visit very regularly.
Can't talk, can't talk! In DEFCON lunch prep.
I am paralysed.
What? Oh, the training.
Oh, I'm fine.
Oh, I'm glad you're fine, Billie.
Look, you can't blame training for exposing a clearly appalling level of core physical fitness.
Nina! Mmm.
Louise Miller has come in.
Yeah, she's a week away from a caesar but she's having contractions.
Oh, right.
Hey, um, Patrick's sitting in there with them.
Does he know them personally? No, no, no.
Patrick, um, performed the emergency caesarean with me last year.
Patrick was the one that had to tell Louise's husband that their baby didn't didn't Neens? And 37 weeks is absolutely fine.
It's perfectly safe to deliver today.
We'll deliver as soon as we can.
And that that we said a general, didn't we? We had said that, yeah.
Would you prefer to try an epidural, Louise? I wasn't sure I could face it, but, um Well, if at any point you're feeling overwhelmed, I can administer a general.
I'll be right by your side.
I want to be awake.
I think I want to be awake.
The last time the last time we'll ever do this.
Thanks for Mm-hm.
I have my hand under the baby's head.
And Dr Clegg's just higher.
He's there pushing.
OK.
Forcep, please.
It's alright.
Dr Proudman is now just giving herself some mechanical advantage.
How are we doing, Louise? OK.
Let's lock them in, shall we? Alright.
OK.
Go.
There you go.
OK.
Some more pushing, please, Martin.
Come on.
Come on.
Alright.
Hang on.
Big, healthy girl, your daughter! Ooh.
There! Oh! Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on! Hello, sweetheart! Hey, sweetheart! Here she is.
She's beautiful! Oh! She's beautiful.
Yes.
About 4 kilos.
Hey.
Here she is.
Well done, ma'am.
Oh, my God! Well They're back in the ward? Mmm.
That was brilliant work today.
You too.
Huge last day.
You had me a bit worried in there.
Oh! I thought my arm was going to snap off.
The baby would just not budge.
I thought I was going to have to swap with Martin.
Are you going to miss it? Obstetrics? Yes.
Did you pull your neck in there? No.
No.
No, it was nothing.
I experimented with personal training.
OK.
Or Billie did.
I'm the collateral damage.
Your shoulder too? Oh, just all over.
No, it's it's fine.
It's fine.
Bowling's probably a bridge too far, but Bowling? No.
Please promise you'll act surprised.
Hi! So glad you could make it.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, sorry.
- Um Ollie has something for you.
- Oh.
It's a present.
He wanted me to wrap it but Mum couldn't quite work it out.
I reckon you should call it Rocket II.
Wow.
Thanks.
Thanks, mate.
Well, come in.
Come in.
OK.
Oh.
- Ooh.
- Great.
Let's clear some space.
Ollie, do you want to clear some glasses, mate? Sorry, sorry.
Here we go.
Ooh thank you.
Ooh! Shit.
What? I'm so sorry.
This is lovely.
This looks lovely.
I totally forgot Rosanna and Ollie are vegetarians.
We're we're not we're not strict vegetarians.
We, uh This will be fine.
Look at this beautiful potato salad.
It's got bacon.
You can pick it out, Ollie.
Smushed into the potato.
You can pick it out.
This is lovely.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Uh OK, so, you're definitely gonna need a bouncy hoojacker.
A what? You know.
A bouncy-bouncy hoojackery thing.
Correct terms, please, Kim.
One of those things that Stella goes in.
Oh, in the doorframe? No, that's a doorframe oingo-boingo.
You might need to get one of those too.
Well, I can't very well go to Babyco and ask for a bouncy hoojacker and a doorframe oingo-boingo.
Just relax.
I'll give you Stella's.
I can give you most things.
Except a kitchen musher-upper dooverlackie.
You're gonna have to get one of those yourselves.
And a Hug-a-Bub.
Kim! Hug-a-Bub is the correct term, I swear.
Hmm.
Why don't you just move in with the Proudmans? It'd be cheaper.
That family would drive me insane.
You are gonna get a massive lesson in patience, trust me.
My actual childhood dream was to be Chrissy Amphlett.
Not I LOVED Chrissy Amphlett! Really? Yeah.
I mutilated my school uniform.
Oh, my God.
Sorry.
I, um I used to sing 'All the Boys in Town' so loud that my mother was completely horrified.
I sang it so loud the progs next door called the Department of Community Services! Really? Yeah! Wow.
Quite the sidestep from Chrissy Amphlett to Rosie the Birthday Fairy.
Or Billie Proudman, local real estate agent.
Yeah, but you're a pretty rockin', rollin' real estate agent.
It's got a great name.
Your agency.
Actually, now when people say "Proudman Real Estate", I can say, "I know the woman who set it up.
" Mmm.
Oh, actually, I I, um it's my Dad's agency.
I didn't set it up, or anything.
Oh.
Yeah, I just, um I just started working for my dad, so Mmm.
That's great.
I can't even be in the same room with my dad without tearing his head off.
It's a real credit to you that you can work together.
- Hello? - There's been a coup.
Mum called Nina and made her give some bullshit medical advice about Jimmy, come on - that's not fair! And now she's taking me home to make me sleep and Dad's gonna spend the night watching Alfie.
Why didn't you call me? Um I am calling you.
Now.
I would have gone in.
And if you can't be there, then I should be there, Jimmy.
Your dad doesn't have to do it.
Well he wanted to be there, and That's not the point! You don't think! Look, I'm sorry! I always get it wrong, obviously, with everyone.
Oh, Jim! Oh! Oh That that puppy thing's weird.
I mean, it's weird to give someone a pet with no forewarning.
You've got to admit that.
He's nine years old.
I thought it was a sweet idea.
Well, presumably he didn't make the purchase himself.
What? Only you could find a way of turning a gift of a puppy into some sort of attack.
Well, I never said anything about attack.
I just said 'weird'.
OK.
What? Why are you being defensive about the puppy? I'm not.
Yes, you are.
What do you want me to say? Well, I just want you to say "Oh, looks like we've been landed with a puppy," and give a funny look and laugh it off like you normally would.
But you're not doing that.
Why are you not doing that? You're starting to sound like your sister.
What?! Oh, the puppy's urinated, by the way.
I'm not saying that as an attack.
I'm just stating a fact.
There's canine urine on our floorboards.
OK.
A toast - to Patrick.
Hang on! Where's your thrusty turkey-walk of glory? Your and your victory robot breakdance? Kim These are your trademark moves! What about your ride 'em, cowboy sashay? Hey, kiddo.
What? OK.
A toast to the Paddy man.
Wishing you great success at the Ainsworth.
And may all the staff not be quite as likeable as us.
You'll always be the only anaesthetist I've never once suspected of being a serial killer.
Except when I first met you.
Oh, God.
Say something.
Say something meaningful.
But not TOO meaningful.
This is getting weird.
Quick! You're a great person to work with.
And I've really enjoyed working with you.
A lot.
Yes.
That actually happened.
Thanks, everyone.
I just want to say how much I've loved working with you all.
Uh, it's no secret that when I started here, I was in a tricky place Now you're completely screwed! Yes.
Right.
Um, I've never been in a work environment that's so embracing of uniqueness.
Uh, but most of all, I've learnt a lot.
Mostly about myself.
Uh, cheers.
Cheers.
Uh, is Jimmy back here? I think he's fallen asleep already.
Could I come in? Daddy-o.
Keep it straight.
Yep.
Is this how it ends? A quick hug in a bowling alley? Ooh! Bye.
Bye.
See you, everyone.
- See you, Patrick.
- See you.
So, ah, any of you little ladies need a lift? What the hell is going on with you, you fruitcake? Are you trying to act all non-fruitcake so Cherie will go the whole hog with ya? Kim.
Are ya? I object to the word 'fruitcake'.
Martin, you a fruitcake.
You just are.
My daughter has a father who is a fruitcake.
And I would never have it any other way.
Do you really think so? Of course I do, you dickhead, of course I do.
Hello.
Did you just feel incredibly self-conscious saying goodbye in front of the whole group? Yes.
Do you feel like one last lemonade? I think my father and your sister have been in contact.
Again.
Yep.
I've had my first call from Kate.
I'm just letting it go through to message now.
I haven't I've never spoken to my father about it.
I don't know why he suddenly weighed in.
Kate'd get it out of him.
She is convinced she can run our lives better than we can.
She's probably right.
No.
She she sees things in black and white.
If you love someone, you make it work.
She doesn't get What? How you can have the most intense love but bring out the worst in each other.
All of today I've felt like I've want to say something.
But I couldn't find it.
Um, but I think what I want to say is that I'm I'm glad I'm glad that all happened.
Even if Me too.
Alright, let's do this.
Bye.
Bye, Patrick.
Keep walking.
Keep walking.
You made it.
The whole night.
Yeah.
Hello, my little man.
Hello! Have you been a good boy? I bet you have, haven't you? Hey, mate.
Have a look there.
See that baby? See that baby there? That's your nephew.
That's Alfie.
You're his uncle.
Uncle Ray.
He probably won't call you that.
Oh, I hope so.
He'll love that.
I think he'd be more like a brother, really.
A beautiful little brother for you.
Do you think? Do you want to go and play? Go on.
Good boy.
Oh, thank you.
That's alright.
Darcy, I want another baby.
Sorry.
Let's not talk about it.
You must be exhausted.
Have a muffin.
I, I completely understand if you don't want to.
But I'd love to have another child.
And I'd love it to be with you.
Hello? Oh, sorry.
Did I wake you? Nina's dad.
He comes here.
You know, she's not returning my calls.
At least, I suspect she's not.
I-I-I don't know what the standard response time is, but I would have thought two hours would have been the maximum.
Billie.
Is this some sort of breakfast event? No.
People just come over.
Babble on about stuff.
I haven't slept.
I can barely move.
I need the blackest of black coffees, Mum.
- Oh, hello.
- Have you hurt yourself? You learn to think of it as white noise.
Often I'm technically asleep, even when I'm out there conversing.
The first day, it was 100% fine, and then last night it just kind of seized up.
A-ha! Liar! I knew you were sore.
Now, Nina, Phillip thinks you've been ignoring his calls.
What?! Please tell me this is more mental than usual.
Mmm.
Mid-range.
Perhaps the low side of mid-range.
Patrick's last day at work yesterday and now I'm facing this terribly awkward coffee with Adam, and I'm I'm sorry.
My husband's got a soul mate, and it's not me.
And, of course, I want him to hate her, but she's so fucking lovable I was transfixed by her.
I mean, I wanted to breed with her.
Oh, hello there.
Oh! Hi, Zara.
Sorry, I couldn't help but hear your conversations.
Every word of your conversations.
Croissant? No, thank you, Billie.
And, by the way, yes.
Yes, Mick probably does wish he could sleep with the single woman but he's not going to because he's committed to you.
So, I think you should just deal with it.
And you, Dr Nina dad - sorry, I don't know your name.
It's Phillip.
Please stop stressing about how to have a relationship and just have one.
You're not Nina's daddy.
You're not her BFF.
Maybe think of yourself as a godfather.
Would a godfather give advice? Yes.
Would a godfather interfere with her love-life? No.
It's quite simple.
Great.
And Nina.
Mmm? Patrick's over.
And you can't expect any more from Adam.
So I'd say move on.
Maybe take on a few more hours at the hospital, take up horseriding.
Anything to clear your mind.
And Geraldine may I have a tea, please? Sorry, I think Yeah, I need to I should probably, um I was just trying to participate.
I really think you should move in.
OK, deep breath.
Rip the bandaid off, Nina.
Have you done your back? Yep.
No.
Yes.
Personal training thing.
I'm so stiff, I'm nauseated.
Thank you.
Words.
Words, Nina.
Adam, again, I'm so sorry.
You don't have to keep apologising.
No, I do.
Because my behaviour has just been You've been so lovely.
And understanding.
And it's been completely irresponsible of me.
I don't need your sympathy, Nina.
I just want to know where you're at.
Now.
Where I'm at? Oh.
I wish I knew.
It's not over with this guy.
No.
It's over.
It's definitely over.
That break-up, under normal circumstances, I'd have been a write-off for years.
The relationship's over.
I'm just not over it.
So, bad timing? The worst.
So I should just move on, basically? The bolshie big sister in me says yes.
What do you say? Yes.
You're such a brilliant guy.
I Thanks, Nina.
Please don't say there's an amazing girl just waiting around the corner for me.
Don't say that.
Your niceness will probably always be exploited and you'll be eternally frustrated.
Thank you.
Mick.
Mick, I've been replaying my behaviour over the past 24 hours, and hating myself.
It's fine.
No, it's not fine.
I took the puppy back.
What what do you mean, you took the puppy back? What I said.
What? I never meant for you to do that.
Now I'm the uber-bitch who's rejected the adorable puppy.
On again.
Every time she and I see each other we'll be haunted by the ghost of the rejected puppy.
Well, it's done! We won't be doing any more lunches.
But, Billie, I'm not pulling out of this do with her.
I'm sorry, I won't do that to another musician.
I won't do it.
Oh, God.