Offspring (2010) s04e11 Episode Script

Your mother and I are separating.
I realise I need to take a step towards Phillip instead of constantly holding him at bay.
Maybe if two people are open and it was Mutual? Yeah.
You know, even when my family aren't here, they're sort of in my head.
They're gonna help us raise this baby.
Billie, this is getting stupid.
You didn't sleep at our house last night.
We're lying our faces off for you.
I need the morning-after pill.
One random night doesn't have to ruin everything.
I cheated on you.
Oh, yeah What you looking at? Step in the club It's a quarter to four The crowd be scary She's got a baby unborn Order at the bar, they're like She's an alcoholic Chill out, y'all It's just some folic She's bad Bad pregnant She's bad Bad pregnant I might be third trimester but I can keep the pace I got six-inch heels and a big elastic waist So when I'm with a hottie He knows I'm on the hunt This baby's got back But this mother's got front She's bad Bad pregnant She's bad Bad pregnant Bounce, baby, bounce Till your waters break Bounce, baby, bounce Till your waters break Bounce, baby, bounce Until your waters break, yo Bounce, baby, bounce Until your waters break! Hey.
You OK? Huh? Uh Having a nightmare? No Just having another food gorging dream.
Hmm.
Billie.
She's told him.
Hi.
You've reached Billie Proudman.
Leave me a message.
Hi.
It's me.
Slightly stalkerish.
Sorry.
I just miss the sound of your voice.
Even if you could shoot me a text or something, I'd really appreciate it.
I'm standing outside a baby shop - again.
Failing to go in - again.
I wish you were here to push me through my shopping anxiety.
Oh, you're gonna love this.
Patrick and I have decided that tomorrow is our last session with Lawrence.
It's Break Up with Lawrence Day.
I'm I'm sure, if you were here, you'd be having a field day with that one.
Oh, hang on.
Gotta get I'll get it.
No.
Might be Billie.
Jeez, you don't have to hurt me on your way there.
Sorry.
Hi Oh, hi, Phillip.
Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting.
No, no.
I was wondering if you could make sense of that email we just got.
Uh, I I haven't checked.
It was from your mother, declaring that tomorrow's some kind of Geraldine Day.
Hmm.
Geraldine Day is kind of a non-specific birthday.
It comes when it's needed.
Mum usually announces a Geraldine Day when she wants a confrontation.
Or a reconciliation.
One year, when things were really bad with Dad, we had FOUR Geraldine Days.
I'll get it.
I'll get it, I'll get it.
Ah, hello, Patrick.
I have an announcement.
Yeah.
Tomorrow - it's Geraldine Day.
God, you got around here fast.
I only sent the email 15 minutes ago.
You must have sprinted.
I might have been coming to visit my daughter - did that occur to you? Tell me honestly.
Did he come around Please, do not use Nina as a pawn.
I've been reading a lot of the relevant literature.
It's a classic mistake separating parents make.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
I will attend this Geraldine Day, but on two conditions - we both agree to be civil and you are clear that I have no intention of reconciling in a romantic sense.
Whatever.
Come at 5:00.
No presents, just booze.
Nina, Patrick, you free? Actually, we've we've got an appointment in the arvo.
Hmm.
We'll come after.
Mm.
Oh, and do invite your sister and the lovely cyclist man.
What was his name? Joseph.
Yes.
He's lovely.
She's done very well for herself there.
Strong thighs.
Geraldine, honestly.
It's just an observation.
Phillip.
He's a man with well-built thighs.
I presume it's the cycling.
I myself have only been with skinny-legged men.
Hmm.
Not by design.
Did you invite Billie? Yes, she'll be there.
Mick's got a gig, so he's coming later, but she'll be there.
Oh.
Well, how are how are they going? She seemed a bit testy.
And the house was ridiculously clean.
You went to visit her at home? Just before, yes.
Why? Hi.
It's it's me again.
Um, well, Mum just came over and apparently we're facing another Geraldine Day tomorrow.
So looks like we'll be seeing each other.
Billie? Can you meet me at the Star in 15? Yes! Oh! You're even more pregnant.
Oh, there's an actual person in there, isn't there? I'm just hopeless if I cannot talk to you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I really wanted to call but Mick doesn't want this to turn into some kind of Proudman-palooza, and I knew if I called you, we'd end up hashing over everything, so We don't even have to talk about it.
I'm just happy to see you.
But don't you want to hear about it? 'Cause I I've snuck out.
I've gone off-road.
We can talk about it here.
Yep.
Yeah, I do.
Yep.
Of course.
Just Sorry, sorry.
Are you OK? Not really.
Was it the Pete guy? Yes.
Is it ongoing? Haven't spoken to him in years.
It was just this stupid terrible one-off.
He just listened.
And he asked questions.
So how did it start? You know I didn't plan it, Mick.
I didn't plan it.
Have you had sex with him since then? No.
When did you decide you were gonna have sex with him? I didn't decide in advance.
It was just Did you Were you safe? And then it was like a switch went off.
You had unprotected sex with this guy? A former drug addict? I wasn't II was all over the place.
I was apologising and crying and blurting it all out.
Don't touch me! So, who knows? Nina? Patrick? Who else? No-one else.
Ange? I don't want your whole family weighing in on this.
OK? OK.
Whatever you want.
I'll do whatever you want.
And since then, it's been like we've been living some weird kind of zombie life.
Just existing, but not talking with this this massive thing hanging over us.
Well, there was this weird window when Jimmy came around, where for two hours, we went back to normal.
Yeah, you're winning! You're the winners! Alfie was really giggly and so we were filming him and trying to make him laugh and Mick was singing to him.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands Yay, yay! But then Jimmy left and it was back to Silence-ville.
He's not like a Proudman, Neens.
He doesn't vomit his dramas over everyone.
But I think that maybe if he has some time to just process it alone you know, maybe in time he'll Come good? Does that sound stupid? No.
Maybe.
I really hope so.
I'm serious, Neens.
Tomorrow at Mum's, you have to keep it tight.
OK? No blurting.
OK.
Patrick too.
Yep.
OK.
'Cause you've had a bad run at this.
Do I have to put a massive amount of pressure on you or will that just make it worse? Probably make it worse.
Too much pressure.
OK.
Just as long as you remember that my marriage rests on this, Neens.
That's pressure.
OK.
Just it is everything.
Pressure.
Make this pretty while Daddy does the lamb.
God.
Geraldine, you look amazing.
Oh! You know what I have to say about that? About what? Beauty.
Here's my theory Oh, important note about Geraldine Day.
Mum decrees that on this day, every time she imparts wisdom, no-one talks back to her.
Is that right? Yes, that's right.
Beauty is fine.
It can be fun, it can be sexy.
But, Zara, ultimately, it's for the self.
Not for society and not for any man.
Is there a particular way I should respond to this? I normally offer "Thanks for the insight.
" - Thank you for the insight.
- Oh! You're welcome.
She's crazy.
Hello.
Did you just group-text me and Joseph? Uh, yeah.
Sorry for the late notice.
Since when do you group-text us? I am the sister.
I am the manager of contact with Joseph.
Calm down.
Can you make it? Probably not.
No.
Is everything alright? Oh, Joseph's just Oh, don't worry about it.
It's stupid.
You had a fight? He wants to move in.
Like, already.
You have been together half a year, Kate.
Oh, well, it was the way that he said it.
It was just this really abrupt ultimatum thing.
He was just, like He was just all, "Argh! Let's move in!" Ah, what an arsehole.
Patrick, memo - you're on my side.
Oh, yeah, I seem to recall you giving me a serve for, um - what was it? - oh, yeah, pushing away fabulous women.
Who's pushing away who? Not Kate and strapping cyclist?! What?! Who are those people? It's, uh, Kim and Clegg.
They seem concerned.
Clegg met Joseph for two seconds.
And Kim, I don't think she's ever even met him.
Kate, it's Martin Clegg.
Oh, my God.
To find someone who embraces one's eccentricities, who embodies both wisdom and innocence, is a rare gift.
Easily squandered, yes, but Nup, she's hung up on me.
Do you know what time you should finish up? Oh, well, we're up first, so it shouldn't be too late.
Well, um, I told Mum you've got a gig, so see how you feel.
You've got a get-out-of-jail-free card.
Tell me honestly, do they all know? No.
Only Nina and Patrick.
Yeah, well, I'll see how I'm going.
Bye.
Wow.
Not long now, is it? No, it isn't.
A bit terrifying, really.
When's the actual date? The 12th.
Wow.
Well, you look wonderful.
Oh So how have the past couple of weeks been for you guys? Yeah, pretty good Uh, I became a controlling arsehole.
Well, I never put it like that.
Controlling arsehole? A couple of things happened.
We had a bit of a scare with the baby.
Oh, no.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's all fine.
Yeah, just brought up some Yeah, of course.
And then, after that, I just, you know, wanted both of us to stop work, stop everything.
Just bunker down at home and not take any risks.
It was completely irrational, but Well, a perfectly understandable reaction.
Oh, sorry.
That's alright.
Uh Sorry.
I'm switching it on silent.
- And other factor was, um - .
.
that.
You've called Nina.
Leave a message after the beep.
Oh, darling, it's Mum.
Just wondering how far away you are.
If you get a chance, could you pick me up some ice Oooh, hang on.
There's someone on the other line.
Is it you? Yep, I think it's you.
Nina's family.
We've been kind of under siege.
Oh, I don't know if I'd describe it as being under siege.
Darling? It has been a pretty manic period Nina? .
.
even by their standards.
I understand that's the way it's gonna be with the Proudmans.
Patrick? But I would've thought, given how close Nina is to giving birth, that they'd be, you know, scaling it back a bit.
Darling, I think you've called me by mistake.
They are to a certain extent.
How are they scaling it back? Billie at the moment? And your mother? Jesus.
What's going on? Pocket call? Is there a particular issue with your mother? Oh, look, there's always something.
It's funny, 'cause we haven't tended to discuss your mother that much.
Well, no.
Well, that because that's a whole other rabbit hole.
Well, are you reluctant to talk about her? No.
No, no.
That's a long nose.
Who's this man with the clipped vowels? Look, it used to be my father who inflicted his mess on the family.
That is Nina, you drunkard.
Not her, the man! Gone out of her way to make things complicated.
Complicated in what way? Oh, God.
It's a counsellor, isn't it? This is counselling.
Mainly Her sex life.
Mum, I really don't think you should Oi! Mum! Oh! He's down, finally.
What are you doing? Moral dilemma.
Nina's pocket-called Mum from a counselling session.
Nina's in counselling? And Mum's currently listening to the whole session.
She's locked herself in the bathroom.
That is appalling.
It is, isn't it? She should absolutely bring it out here.
Mum! Believe it or not, she used to be the stable one.
Mum, Zara agrees you're being very morally dubious.
Shh! It's Geraldine Day.
I actually used to think of her as the moral compass in the family.
Geraldine, the call has actually come through the home line, therefore it technically belongs to all of the residents.
Fair's fair.
And then, a few years ago, my dad announced he was having a baby with a nurse from my work.
Oh! My age.
And, you know, ever since then, Mum seems to have gradually gone off the deep end.
In what way? Sex and drugs.
No, but seriously.
Oh, no, I'm serious.
Well, she might have always just been that way and hidden it.
You seem more baffled than troubled by it, Nina.
Well, it's it's just exhausting.
I don't think it's damaged any of us or anything.
You reckon? What, do you think I seem damaged? Well, maybe not you, but I think it's fair to say your siblings have inherited some of her behaviour.
What? Well, you seem to be the only one with a stable sex life.
What Oh, you mean Billie? And Jimmy and Zara.
Perhaps if we play the music so loud she can't hear, it'll smoke her out.
I am morally troubled on several fronts.
Well, we've got to do something.
It's ridiculous.
- Not this.
Not this.
Jimmy.
Hello, Zara.
- Hi.
Where's your mother? Is everything alright? It's complicated.
Is Geraldine engaging in something I'll find confronting? Possibly.
Geraldine is listening to an unintentional phone call from Nina, who's in a counselling session with Patrick.
Sorry, I don't understand.
An open relationship? Oh What? Oh, God, Phillip.
Why are you here early? I'm not early.
I'm punctual.
Oh As a matter of fact, I'm two minutes late.
Not that I'm judging them.
I'm not judging.
Is that Nina? Phillip, why don't you just grab a drink and go out into the garden and we'll join you in a second Maybe they just think it's fun and empowering.
I don't know.
I do think it's a bit naive.
I'm sure it's fun for Zara.
I'm pretty sure Jimmy's on board with it.
In fact, I think he was the originator of the idea.
Well, he looked really uneasy when he came round the other night.
When was that? Like it was a good idea at the time.
But the reality of it was killing him.
What? No Yes I don't know.
She she is smarter about these things.
Just smarter in general.
Look, I'm very sorry, but if this is a private conversation, then I strongly feel Shh, shh, shh.
We'll debate this later.
How would you feel if someone was eavesdropping on your conversation? I object.
Nina, I am compelled to declare that Please.
It's on mute.
Oh.
Look, whatever.
They're really not hurting anyone.
With Mum, it's honestly like every time she chooses a sexual partner, it's the most damaging and and difficult option she can possibly find.
In what sense? Well, uh, the first hook-up we're aware of was Jimmy's history teacher, Mr Soriel.
Then Oh, no, no, actually, first, Ray's naming ceremony, she picked up some 15-year-old off RSVP.
You know, Phillip's right.
This is a private conversation.
Actually, no, there are moral shades of grey here.
The whole family.
Then Phil D'Arabont, my father's business rival, his arch nemesis, literally the person he hated most in the world.
And and then, Phil Noonan, my biological father.
It's like this pattern of revenge sex.
Oh, please! When she slept with Phillip, it was so dangerous, so dangerous, because he was so in love with her and it was so obvious she didn't love him.
She didn't particularly even care about him.
Now she's gotten sick of him and No, that's not It's not It's not true! Because, of course, now she's gonna sleep with the next person and I'm sure it's gonna be the most ridiculous option possible.
Another doctor at Phillip's clinic, possibly.
Or Clegg.
This is ridiculous! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! And believe it or not, this is only a second-tier family problem at the moment.
This is just the low-maintenance issue.
There's worse? Oh Nina's sister cheated on her husband and we're the only ones who know.
It's almost like you feel responsible for your sister's actions, Nina.
I do.
A bit.
I just know how hard it's been for her recently, and a huge part of that is that I'm pregnant.
But, I mean, you can't think that you being pregnant made your sister cheat on her husband.
No, but I do think her cheating on him was about her feeling shit about herself.
I don't think she would feel that way if all this wasn't happening.
Hello? Kill it! Kill it! Aagh! Ow! Zara, sorry, but you held on! Just turn it off speaker.
Oh, I don't think it had anything to do with Mick.
She loves Mick.
She's in the situation she's in 'cause she's made a string of bad decisions.
What's going on? You can't feel responsible for that.
What's this? You cheated on Mick? Shh! Jimmy! What? Nina's in counselling and she accidentally pocket-called the house.
What?! Get Move, move, move, move, move, move! Things always had to get worse before they got better.
Nina, your phone is on.
You're pocket-calling.
It's muted.
Nina, your phone's on! You're pocket-calling! Did you hear some something? No.
No.
It's nothing.
Sorry.
Mm-hm.
When did all this happen? Now, look, let's all just sit down and have a drink.
What exactly did she say? Well, she accused me of being on a sex rampage.
She said that I'm naive and Zara's manipulating me.
No, just that I'm smarter than you, though there was an implication of manipulation.
What did she say about me? She said you cheated on Mick and they're the only ones who know.
Does Mick even know? Yes! He Yes.
But we're dealing with it.
Oh, it's all very well to be wise after the fact.
I was wise before And, please, whatever you do, don't call Mick.
Just let us Oh, God! What - you have already? No.
But I did send him a text message.
It didn't say much - just that I'd be there for him.
You said he already knew.
I want to take you home Show you love Let you know Let you love me The way you want to Very happy with that, thank you.
So, just after the show, we've got some Bayside FM competition winners coming backstage.
Yep.
Are you happy to meet with them immediately or would you prefer? It'll be fine.
Mick? You want to? Yeah, sure.
Look, it's just a quick photo opportunity, possibly some autograph signing, but no more than six people.
Yep, that's fine.
Everything alright? Yeah, it's just it's nothing.
Get it.
Do you want me to leave? No.
I think my marriage is falling apart.
What? Billie slept with some other guy.
And it's not even the cheating.
Even six months ago, Billie would never have done something like this.
It's like I don't even know her.
Yeah, you know, the whole thing with the business Yeah, the business.
But you know what the really fucked thing is? Us doing well.
That's been even harder for her.
No.
Well, I don't know - maybe she only married me because I used to make her look good, and now Aaghh! Fuck it! I don't mean any of this.
Just ignore me.
So, perhaps that's a good plan - when you leave work, look at that as a transition with your family as well and maybe set some parameters and stick to them.
Um, not answering phone calls at night Yes, please.
I'm not saying you need to make any kind of declaration that "I'm taking a step back.
" But, of course, there'll be so many changes in your behaviour Billie! Is everything alright? Where's your phone? What? Where is your phone?! Oh You pocket-called Mum's house! You pocket-called! They know everything! Oh, my God.
Everything about me and Mick! Everything! Alright, alright, can we please just calm down.
Well, did she tell you? In her big family history, did she tell you that she slept with my husband? Or did she leave that bit out? Hey, Billie? Or him! Did he tell you that he slept with, like, eight gazillion people.
He probably can't remember all of them.
He probably slept with my husband too! And did she tell you that she only comes here because she thinks you're hot?! She's not some deep, analytical woman.
She just wants to perv.
Billie Sorry, mate.
Billie, wait.
'Cause I didn't I had no idea.
Wait Stop.
Nina? Please, stop.
Billie, stop.
Nina? Nina? Hey? Wait! Wait! Oh, God! What were we talking about?! Ohh! Hey, no! No! Billie Nina, just catch your breath.
My chest Yeah, catch your breath.
Just breathe, OK? Come on, breathe.
Sorry, this is access only.
I'm Oh, are you a competition winner? Bayside FM? Um, no.
He's my husband.
Mick Holland's my husband.
I'm his wife.
I'm Mick Holland's wife.
Just one minute.
So, does everybody know or just Jimmy? It wasn't me, Mick.
Nina accidentally made a phone call from her counselling session.
Dad doesn't know if that's any consolation.
I'll tell them to lay off and they will.
They'll give us space.
If that's what you want.
I don't know what I want.
Do you need me to give you space? I don't know, I I need you to stop asking me.
You keep asking me all these questions.
You're the one making the decisions here.
I'm not.
You are.
My position was clear - I was committed to you.
You know, I thought, no matter what was thrown at us, we'd always fight for the relationship.
But you made a different decision.
I didn't I didn't make a decision.
Well, something changed.
And it changed with you, not with me, so stop looking at me for answers, 'cause I don't have any! I am so sorry but they need you in there for four minutes.
Do you want me to tell them to wait or? Go.
I-I'll get him right back out, Billie.
I'm so sorry.
This is absolutely none of my business.
Actually, could you tell him that I had to go? Wait wait Billie? Should I tell him you're at home? No.
Billie, where should I tell him you've gone.
Billie? Billie? No, that wasn't Nina.
It was Patrick.
As if Patrick can lecture anyone about drug use.
Hello! H-Happy Geraldine Day.
Frankly, I don't know where to begin.
None of us do.
So, we drew up a list of bullet points.
Some are questions, some are responses.
OK, I don't think we need to trawl through everything.
Oh, I think we do.
Yes, I have been quite sexually active in recent years.
I make no apology.
To imply it's some sort of a weapon is frankly offensive.
And an open relationship was both our idea - mine and Zara's together.
And I am not smarter than Jimmy.
No, it's OK.
You are.
No, Jimmy No, you are, but I like that she is.
I am mortified that you heard all that.
All I can say is that Did it ever occur to you that it's probably not OK to listen to a private counselling session? I don't like counselling! OK, whatever was said, I don't think any of you can seriously doubt how much Nina cares about all of you.
She cares for this family in a way that's it's pretty extraordinary.
I, for one, am mortified that we listened to your call.
In fact, I'm disgusted at myself.
Yeah, me too.
I'm not particularly sorry.
But then, I'm not particularly offended either.
I'm quite offended! But I think the most important thing is that you find your sister.
Um, could I have a Russian vodka, straight, with two ice cubes.
That'll be $10.
For fuck's sake! Billie? It's Eloise.
Idon't know if you re member Oh Yeah, hi.
Is everything OK? Yep, yep.
I'm fine.
Should I call Nina? Nina is quite possibly the last person that I want to see at the moment on Planet Earth.
Just a second.
Should I? Buy you a drink? Yeah, that that you could do.
Yep.
She's gonna get it.
Billie? Billie? Billie? Thanks.
You didn't just blow off your date, did you? It was actually a pretty terrible date, so you kind of saved me.
Cheers.
Hang on.
You're not trying to get me drunk so that you can have twisted, 'almost Nina' sex, are you? No.
Cheers.
Thank you.
Are you finding that too sexually stimulating, to see her name? Sorry.
I'm teasing.
Please don't stop buying me drinks.
Can we have a rule? No more Nina talk.
Yeah, absolutely.
What you doin'? I guess I'll just wait here.
Keep calling.
Alright.
It just feels like everyone around me is so confident and outgoing and funny.
And sometimes, I don't know how to act.
Yeah, well, all the best people are losers when they're young.
Nina Nina When she was your age, she was, like, this needy bookworm.
And Mick, my husband I didn't even want to be with him.
Like, he was he had no motivation, no money, terrible hair And now, he has all those things.
Even good hair.
He's the love of my life.
And I fucked it up.
Tch She must be pretty worried about you.
Can I at least tell her you're OK? Yeah.
OK.
Billie! Oh, God, I'm so happy you answered! Oh, no.
It's actually Eloise.
Sorry? I'm here with Billie.
I ran into her randomly at a bar.
Oh, she's They're at a bar.
Which bar? She's pretty upset.
Oh No, no, Billie's fine.
She's even giving me life advice.
So, you don't need to come here.
In fact, maybe you shouldn't.
Can can I at least speak to her, please? Uh Neens? Billie! I'm I'm so sorry about that call.
It was an accident.
An awful accident.
And I feel terrible.
Yeah, well the damage is done now.
What? With Mick? Billie? Please, I Just talk to me.
I mean, can we go back to my place? Sorry, I can't I wanted to be there with you and I wanted to go through it with you.
But I can't.
Billie? Alas, I think the lamb has expired.
Mm.
Geraldine whatever Nina may have said in that call I know she adores you, and she would ne It's not about Nina.
Well well, it is.
Mm.
But also it's you.
You heard the most horrific things about me today and, yet, still, here you are, Glad-wrapping.
Should I stop? Nina may have been right, I may have started this for the wrong reasons.
But then, I I found myself with someone who actually is devoted to me.
And I realised I've grown quite accustomed to it.
I love it.
And, Phillip I do love you.
Well, regretfully, I am seeing someone else.
I'm sorry, Geraldine.
Um The key to success, in a lot of ways Cheers.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I only just got the messages.
Whoa! Hi! OK.
Whoa! Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm Ange.
This is Eloise.
Eloise has been so nice to me.
Aw She's so nice.
She might be a lesbian.
Maybe.
Right.
Cool.
Who needs definitions, eh? I know.
And I think that's been my problem 'cause I was born too early.
I actually feel more with you guys.
You know? Generation whatever you are? When were you born? Um, '87.
'88.
No, seriously, when were you born? Oh, fuck you both! Come on! Let's head back to mine.
Come on.
Let's go.
Eloise? Mm? Thank you very much.
That's OK.
Thanks for the the talk.
Whoa! Uh, right.
Yep, OK.
Um, I guess that's happened.
Uh, right.
Shh! Don't tell Nina.
No No! It was pretty good.
Don't you get ideas.
Oh, I won't.
You alright? Yeah, I've got restless leg.
Again.
Hey? Mm, I'm sorry.
I'm It burns if I don't keep moving it.
Yeah.
How am I gonna do this without my sister? I'm gonna take longer off work.
I thought I could only afford a month.
But, fuck it.
I mean, if we get in debt, we get in debt.
I'm gonna be here.
I'm gonna turn this off.
Take the battery out too.
Disassemble it completely.
Bury it.
Drop it in molten lava.