On My Block (2018) s01e07 Episode Script
Chapter Seven
1 Elevate for tides, babe There's no way There's no way I could fall When I'm in this state of mind, babe There's no name But your name I would call And if you feel like I do Then there's no way There's no way this is wrong You're the sweetest thing about me There's no shame in that at all Feel good feeling When I'm giving all this love to you No mistaking it's the real thing Obviously this is true In the sweetest life The living is all right And the loving is easy When you're with me In the sweetest life The living is all right And the loving is easy When you're with me Oh, baby, ah The sweetest, sweetest Ah The sweetest, sweetest - Ah - [LAUGHS.]
- The sweetest, sweetest - [LAUGHS.]
Ah, the sweetest, sweetest - In the sweetest life - [DOORBELL RINGS.]
The living is all right And the love is easy When you're with me [MONSE.]
This weekend, but I thought he was with them.
I don't know.
[RUBY.]
I don't know.
- Thank you.
- I don't know.
Wait, where's Mario? I was hoping to see him.
He went with his new bougie girlfriend to Nevada.
- Instead of coming home? - He's in the bone zone.
- True.
- True.
- Can you pass the tres leches? - Oh, okay.
My mom makes the best tres leches for my birthday.
Guess not this year.
Don't say that.
Maybe your folks will be home before your birthday.
In a week? I don't think so.
Wait, your quince is in a week? And you didn't tell us? Mom, Dad, Olivia's quince is in a week! It's not a big deal.
What? - Mija, is that true? - Mm-hmm.
[RUBY'S DAD.]
Olivia, don't worry about a thing.
I'm gonna get my shifts covered at work and we'll do it here next Saturday.
- [CHEERING.]
- [RUBY'S MOM.]
Oh, my God! [RUBY.]
Olivia's having a chupacabra! [RUBY'S MOM.]
Oh, my God.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
No, roses.
Picture it! Roses.
And we use basic patterns [SNIFFLING.]
- Hey, why'd you disappear? - I just needed to get some air.
You okay? Can you do that girlie thing where you get soft and supportive? - I do that? - No.
But can you? You don't have to do this.
We're not doing anything.
This is for me.
And me.
Don't know why, but we both felt the need to hug.
I can't believe I'm about to have my first birthday without my parents and it's my quince.
It's so ironic.
I mean, since I was able to walk, my mother has driven me crazy talking about my quinceañera.
Trying recipes, cutting magazines, making playlists.
And my dad, practicing our waltz so he'd have it down on the day.
He's been practicing for years.
Years! - That's a lot of dancing.
- Yeah.
And he has no rhythm.
Like none.
So, my feet are all shredded, all in the name of my mother's obsession, which I used to pray would stop.
But now that it has - I miss it.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- What's going on? - [MONSE.]
Nothing.
You just totally and completely devastated Olivia by suggesting she have a quince.
[ABUELITA.]
What's new with RollerWorld? Ha! Nothing.
Nada.
- I hit a dead end.
- What do you mean a dead end? Like a literal dead one.
Like Lil' Ricky is dead.
After the football game, I followed Oscar's lead to an address.
And it took me to a graveyard where I found Lil' Ricky's grave.
He died in 1982, 19 months after the heist.
[ABUELITA.]
But how? Why? Did the Prophets disembowel him through his throat? Seriously, woman, we're psychically linked.
Those exact same questions crossed my mind, which is why I had to go deep.
I had to go where I never thought I'd need to go.
Oh, dear.
Jamal, where'd you go? [JAMAL.]
The library.
That night I pulled an all-nighter doing some serious fishing with the fiche.
- [ABUELITA.]
How do you fish with fish? - [JAMAL.]
It's microfiche.
- [ABUELITA.]
Micro what? - Micro nothing.
There was no evidence of Ricky's passing.
No obit.
So, that's it.
The end.
El Fin.
[CHUCKLES.]
Aren't those little homies funny? Gnomies.
Gnomies! [LAUGHS.]
Yes.
Anyways, Ricky is dead and so are our leads.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
We have a lead.
Go here.
Whoever is paying for the flowers on the grave knew Ricky and may know RollerWorld.
Beep.
Beep.
[BOTH.]
Beep.
Beep.
[LAUGHS.]
[BOTH.]
Beep.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to rub salt on the wound.
It's not your fault.
I haven't seen my parents in months and I've barely talked to them.
It's just a nightmare situation.
Which is why you should have a party! Ruby, she doesn't want to celebrate.
- Are you even listening? - I am.
And what I'm hearing is how important this party is to her mom.
- I can't do it without her.
- But that's why you have to.
You're not betraying your mom to have a quince if she's not here, but you would be betraying her to not have one because she's not here.
Not after all her planning.
I never thought of it that way.
Because I'm good at making people understand the right side of an argument.
- Or annoying them into submission.
- [RUBY.]
So Do you have any ideas about what you want? Everyone, please open your e-devices and find the e-mail I sent titled "Winning".
Find it? Good.
Because after copious hours of searching through Olivia's quincespirations, I've compiled the best ideas on a Pinterest page on the link below her headshot.
Where's Olivia? The princesa doesn't need to be bothered with the details.
Now, anyone else have a dumb question? Huh? Good.
And before we really get going, I'd like to remind you that we're not just friends and family, we're damas and chambelanes in Olivia's court de honor, which means being honorable and dedicated.
So, take a look at our mandatory rehearsal schedule and [PHONE BEEPING.]
Excuse me.
I need to take this.
Ruby's Fancy Festivities.
[RUBY.]
What do you mean? - [CESAR.]
Think that's your mom? - [MONSE.]
Yeah.
Just do it.
Laura Diaz? I couldn't use my real name.
I don't want to scare her off.
You know, the more I think about this, the more I realize this is dumb.
No way is my mom some rich lady living ten miles away from here.
I shouldn't do this.
ADD FRIEND - PENDING - What did you do? - What you needed to.
But I don't know if I want to know what I don't know.
- Then undo it.
Unfriend her.
- Wait, no.
But what if she's online right now and sees it? Unfriending would be offensive.
And I might be ready to friend her later.
She'll think that [RUBY.]
Yeah, yeah.
I'll take my business elsewhere.
I'm back.
Sorry.
Apparently ordering a goat-drawn carriage is more complicated than I thought.
Who knew there was a goat wranglers union? I kid you not.
- Pun intended.
- Whatever, man.
So, we're gonna need to rethink the carriage, which I'll get to in a moment, unless You all think the twins can pull it? No.
Fine.
Moving on.
The following are individual responsibilities - I'll handle music.
- Great minds think alike, compa.
Monse, given your expert penmanship, you're gonna do invitations.
- No.
- Use cardstock.
Jamal, you can cater.
And by you, I mean your dad.
- How many people? - Well there's us, and then the block, and - Three hundred.
- Three hundred people!? You're right.
Better make it 350.
Jamal will do the flowers.
I will do the food.
What do I know about flowers? Nothing, which is why you need to go to Mr.
Greenthumb.
Mr.
Greenthumb will help you.
Oh, Mr.
Greenthumb.
[CATS SNARLING.]
[GASPS.]
Uh I saw the flowers you did at the cemetery.
I can't remember the name of the dead guy.
Someone named Nicky or Dicky - Ricky.
- Right.
Ricky.
[CHUCKLES.]
Loved the plot, man.
Okay.
So, uh I need some flowers for a quinceañera.
I was thinking something in the vein of Ricky's grave, but for a party.
How much did those clients pay? You probably don't remember.
No biggie.
Could you just pass along their info and I'll ask them? No.
No? Ricky was my cousin.
- What do you have? - Nothing.
It's just a flashlight pen.
But take it, it's yours.
Oh, for the flowers.
Fifty bucks.
Sounds like three bins of baby's breath.
This is for a Quinceañera, not a rustic hipster wedding.
[LAUGHS.]
Screw hipsters.
All they ever buy is succulents.
- Fifty dollars don't look good, homie.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
Wasn't talking to you.
You crochet? Bake? Tickle? Julio thinks we could trade with sweat.
You lift for me, I arrange for you.
- Lift what? - Everything.
Me and Julio got into it.
His old lady, Juanita, left him.
He blamed it on me.
Thought we had a thing going on, but we didn't.
She wasn't a ride or die.
Right, homie? [CHUCKLES.]
- Yeah - Wasn't talking to you.
So, um I'm in for the work for flowers trade.
When should I start? You already have.
- [SLOW MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [OLIVIA.]
So, he's a little eccentric.
He's not eccentric, he's a quincecabra.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
Monse, you're consistently failing with your face.
See what I'm doing? It's body.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Then face.
If people are looking at your face, they can't tell how much you suck.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- Sorry I'm late.
- Silencio! No one wants to hear your excuses.
Look at Cesar.
Or don't.
The point is, he takes time in life and death situations to be prompt and you don't.
Everybody, again, from the top.
[MUSIC STARTS.]
It's a square, people.
It's a square.
- [MUSIC CHANGES TO DANCE BEAT.]
- Turn.
And down.
And one, and two, and three, and Guys! No.
No.
You're not even trying.
Ruby, you're a natural, we're not.
- We need an easier routine.
- Or no routine.
Nonsense! You just need some practice.
And I have some backup.
- She should be here any minute.
- Who? - [DOOR OPENS.]
- The talent, bitches.
Hey! [SLOW MUSIC STARTS.]
- [MUSIC CHANGES TO DANCE BEAT.]
- Yo, drop that track Oh, my goodness - Ow! - And that's just a taste.
Yeah, I got you shook.
You see, I'm like a Tootsie Pop.
You got to keep licking to get to the surprise.
- Is that my dress? - Nope.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Don't get worked up.
It's just on loan.
But now there's a big hole in the back.
Yeah, where you stabbed me in that "Everybody kill Jasmine" game.
I shouldn't even be here right now, - but I have a heart.
- [WHISPERS.]
Heart.
Plus it's your quince and I don't wanna regret not being one of your damas when we live together in our twenties.
Now let's get to work.
[RUBY.]
Music to my ears.
Everybody, grab your partners.
Olivia and Cesar, Jamal and Monse, me and Jasmine.
That's music to my ears.
On second thought, better pair the good with the bad.
You go work with Jamal.
- Monse! - [JASMINE.]
Hi.
[MONSE.]
Oh.
[SLOW MUSIC STARTS.]
Don't give me that look.
- But you said I needed better face.
- Yeah but not the kind that makes you look ugly.
Better face, not bitter face.
I'm gonna shut up right now and silently hate on you.
Okay.
Just don't look at your feet while you do it.
Head up, shoulders back.
[CESAR GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
He tripped because he's looking at his feet.
So ironic.
Actually, it's not ironic.
It's counterintuitive.
Irony would be the fact we're dancing with each other and not them.
They look really good together.
Yeah.
And what was I thinking? Girls like that don't go for guys like me.
- Why not? - Same reason guys like Cesar don't go for girls like you.
[OLIVIA GIGGLES.]
No one is into this quince, including me.
I need you to talk to Ruby.
And say what? That I want to call it off.
No way! You do it.
I can't.
I've already broken his heart once.
I can't do it again.
But you can.
Please, as my dama.
If we're calling off your quince, I'm not your dama anymore.
You are until it's over.
Here he comes.
Oh.
- Ruby, I need to talk to you.
- Oh, me too.
You think your dad's 18-wheeler could hold a horse? - Why? - Well, I found a dancing horse in Barstow, but I need to provide its transpo to and from the party.
That's it.
Ruby, you've become a total quincecabra.
- A what? - A monster! You're too wrapped up in this party and driving us all crazy and potentially shortening our lives with all this unnecessary anxiety.
And And this is about Cesar.
I saw the way you looked at him when he was dancing with Olivia.
It's classic transference.
You're mad at him, so you take it out on me.
I'm not mad at Cesar.
There it is again.
"I.
" "I" this and "I" that.
Monse, this isn't about you.
It's about Olivia.
You got to put jealousy aside and stop being selfish.
It's not a good look on you.
Oh, and I'm still gonna need you to get that 18-wheeler.
- [SIGHS.]
- So? Ruby's getting you a horse.
All right.
So, what's next? Should I rearrange the sundials? They won't sell if people can't see them.
Don't touch those things.
They belong to Ricky.
Take a break.
Julio thinks you're dehydrated.
You like puzzles? Sure.
Who doesn't? Riddles? Scavenger hunts? - Ever seen Goonies? - I am Goonies.
Goonies would have been Ricky's favorite movie, but he died before it came out.
- You must've really loved your cousin.
- He was cool.
He helped me start this place, put in his own money, even got his hands dirty.
But he was a terrible rapper.
Nobody could even tell him how bad he was.
He once rhymed "hair" with "hair.
" Do you remember how Lil' Ricky was with finances? Like did he ever suddenly come into a lot of money? And if so, did he hide it? Like under a mattress or in someone's backyard? You're the one.
The one what? The one who's going to find the RollerWorld money.
You know about RollerWorld? - Was Ricky involved? - I didn't say that but I didn't not say that.
Come back tonight and I will tell you everything.
- Why not now? - Too many ears.
[JAMAL SHUDDERS.]
[MR.
GREENTHUMB.]
I only trust Julio.
What time? I don't know.
7:00? Not you.
7:43.
Bring dinner.
Thai food, pizza, donuts, pastrami.
Where am I gonna get all that? [SCOFFS.]
Mother Phuket.
Unacceptable! - What's up? - Jamal just late-cancelled practice.
He's fired.
- We need a replacement.
- Oh, I can dance both parts! [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- We can't replace Jamal.
- I don't know anyone else.
Well, consider this an opportunity to make new friends.
Thank you.
- You avail Saturday for a quince? - Ruby! What? He's the right height.
I'm sorry.
The ladies have no vision.
- Okay, let's dive in.
- Yes! Not Not the food! Let's dive into the agenda.
Food is for inspiration.
Food is for closers.
Okay, I'll start.
So it turns out the dancing horse doesn't actually dance.
I can dance that part too.
What? I don't see anyone else stepping up! Cesar, what do you think about riding bareback with a sword? Where am I gonna get a sword? - Agh, do I have to do everything myself? - No! What's the problem, princesa? You! You're the problem.
Take dinner.
We're adjourned.
But you haven't earned it yet! Enough! A quince is supposed to be a celebration, but now it's a chore.
Nobody wants to do this, least of all me.
It's cancelled.
- The quince is off.
- Wha See you at school tomorrow.
[JAMAL.]
Chivo? Julio? Jesus Christ.
Do you always sit like this for dinner? Sit like what? [SCOFFS.]
Where can I sit? Kick it by the cacti.
While you're at it, re-pot them.
They look depressed.
RollerWorld and some food when you're done.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yeah? I'm sorry.
I guess I got a little out of hand.
A little? You ordered an ice luge to serve horchata.
What can I say, I'm passionate.
And obsessive, controlling, overbearing.
I wanted to help with your heartbreak.
I'm not good at sitting with feelings.
I gotta work it out.
So when people say sleep on it, I never do.
I may nap on it, but I never sleep.
I get right to the problem and fix it, but in this case, it can't be fixed.
And I'm sorry.
I didn't respect that maybe you just wanted to sit with things.
I need to learn to let people do that.
I'll be better next time.
I promise.
Good night.
[OLIVIA.]
Ruby.
What is that? I know, it's too much.
I'm taking it down.
I just thought it would've been nice to add a bit of your hometown to the party.
It was to take pictures in front of.
Oh, my God, this is You know not everyone wears cowboy boots in Texas.
- I took liberties.
- [OLIVIA CHUCKLES.]
Are those little Frito pies? Yes.
- It's amazing.
- Really? [CHUCKLES.]
Wait, that's not even the best part.
Close your eyes.
[RUBY.]
Now, imagine you're at the party and you stroll over to take pictures and Open your eyes.
[GASPS.]
Is it freaking you out? I mean, do they look too real? You printed cut-outs of my parents? I thought it'd be nice for them to make an appearance.
This is the best worst shit I've ever seen.
- Really? - Yes, really.
The quince is back on.
Damn it.
We lost half a day.
We're gonna have to double time it.
[CESAR.]
Ruby's not crazy.
The dude ordered a horse.
A horse.
What does Laura Diaz think? But seriously, did Laura ever get a response? Her friend request was accepted.
- Holy shit! - [MONSE CHUCKLES.]
Well, what'd you find out? - I haven't started digging yet.
- Let's do it now! Mm, I don't know.
I'm too nervous.
Feels like something I should do on my own in case I In case what? I can't handle what I find.
Okay.
But you know I'm here for you, right? I'm still your friend.
I know.
Oh, so get this.
Remember how I told you she's an author? - Mm-hmm.
- Well, I read one of her books.
And it's about a teenager who travels back in time and her past self is trying to kill her.
So, she's literally running from her past.
Yes! Thank you.
Isn't that insane? - It all seems to be adding up.
- Or I'm just reading into it.
- I can't do this.
- What? Pretend we're just friends.
I can't stop thinking about you.
- About us.
- Please don't, Cesar.
- I can't help it.
- You're with Olivia.
And the fam is happy.
But I'm not.
I think about you all the time.
Do you ever think about me? All the time.
[MAN.]
Hey, yo.
Hey, yo.
Hey, what's good with you, ma? You're looking good.
Let me get that ass at Pimp Lane.
Yo, Monse, why you still hanging out with these broke-ass Santos? Oh, you spent time in juvie, now you think you're balling? Yeah, where do you think I knocked off a bunch of your punk ass homies? Ask about me.
Go ahead.
- [CAN CLATTERS.]
- [MONSE.]
Hey! Hey! Let's just go! Screw the Santos and your dead homies.
You know what side you on? This is our block, feel me? They call me Lil' Spooky.
I'll blast on your ass.
- Please, Cesar.
- I don't care what side I'm on.
You're lucky your bitch is here.
'Cause when I catch you slippin' next time, I'm gonna put a hole in you.
[JAMAL.]
All potted and perky.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let's grub.
[MR.
GREENTHUMB.]
Oh, no.
Julio started eating without us.
The food it's all gone.
That's not cool, homie.
He's got that low blood sugar.
That bitch ain't hypoglycemic! You know how I know? Huh? 'Cause he's a stupid inanimate object made in China! Or Malaysia.
Or Jacksonville, Florida.
I can't believe I fell for this.
Your crazy ass has been playing me this whole time.
And you thought, "Oh I bet he can clean my entire place.
" Screw you! And screw Julio! Julio thinks it's actually you who is playing me.
You just want to know about the money.
- Julio, did you just say that? - He did.
Oh, no.
Put Julio down! He says he doesn't like to be held that way.
- He's got the vertigo.
- You tell Julio to shut his mouth! And then tell me what you know about RollerWorld.
- Tell me or Julio gets curbed.
- Put Julio down, please.
Then talk.
- Is there money buried in the neighborhood? - Yes.
- How do you know? - Because I know who buried it.
- Was it Ricky? - Put down Julio.
- Did Ricky bury the money? - I don't know.
Yes! Yes! Ricky buried the money.
- How do you know? - Because Ricky told me.
Ricky never lied to me.
- He protected me when nobody else would.
- So where's the money? With Julio.
The key to the money lies within Julio.
Julio? - Within Julio? - Yes! Screw Julio! Can Julio fly? What? - Let's find out.
- No! [SCREAMS.]
[CHOKES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
- Hey.
- [MONSE.]
Jamal, shit just got real.
Latrelle rolled up on Cesar.
We have to get him out of town.
It's the only way to keep him safe.
And we need money, a lot of money to do it.
Do you really think RollerWorld's real? I know it is.
No need No need to take from me Don't throw the paint on me I see this lake forming I got lost astray In this forest running away I slip up I'm on the edge now They see me And I nearly I nearly lose my grip But you held on to me And you shake me And tell me that I'm okay But I swear they smell the blood on me I hear them coming for me I swear they smell the blood on me I hear them coming for me I swear they smell the blood on me For me Yeah
- The sweetest, sweetest - [LAUGHS.]
Ah, the sweetest, sweetest - In the sweetest life - [DOORBELL RINGS.]
The living is all right And the love is easy When you're with me [MONSE.]
This weekend, but I thought he was with them.
I don't know.
[RUBY.]
I don't know.
- Thank you.
- I don't know.
Wait, where's Mario? I was hoping to see him.
He went with his new bougie girlfriend to Nevada.
- Instead of coming home? - He's in the bone zone.
- True.
- True.
- Can you pass the tres leches? - Oh, okay.
My mom makes the best tres leches for my birthday.
Guess not this year.
Don't say that.
Maybe your folks will be home before your birthday.
In a week? I don't think so.
Wait, your quince is in a week? And you didn't tell us? Mom, Dad, Olivia's quince is in a week! It's not a big deal.
What? - Mija, is that true? - Mm-hmm.
[RUBY'S DAD.]
Olivia, don't worry about a thing.
I'm gonna get my shifts covered at work and we'll do it here next Saturday.
- [CHEERING.]
- [RUBY'S MOM.]
Oh, my God! [RUBY.]
Olivia's having a chupacabra! [RUBY'S MOM.]
Oh, my God.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
No, roses.
Picture it! Roses.
And we use basic patterns [SNIFFLING.]
- Hey, why'd you disappear? - I just needed to get some air.
You okay? Can you do that girlie thing where you get soft and supportive? - I do that? - No.
But can you? You don't have to do this.
We're not doing anything.
This is for me.
And me.
Don't know why, but we both felt the need to hug.
I can't believe I'm about to have my first birthday without my parents and it's my quince.
It's so ironic.
I mean, since I was able to walk, my mother has driven me crazy talking about my quinceañera.
Trying recipes, cutting magazines, making playlists.
And my dad, practicing our waltz so he'd have it down on the day.
He's been practicing for years.
Years! - That's a lot of dancing.
- Yeah.
And he has no rhythm.
Like none.
So, my feet are all shredded, all in the name of my mother's obsession, which I used to pray would stop.
But now that it has - I miss it.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- What's going on? - [MONSE.]
Nothing.
You just totally and completely devastated Olivia by suggesting she have a quince.
[ABUELITA.]
What's new with RollerWorld? Ha! Nothing.
Nada.
- I hit a dead end.
- What do you mean a dead end? Like a literal dead one.
Like Lil' Ricky is dead.
After the football game, I followed Oscar's lead to an address.
And it took me to a graveyard where I found Lil' Ricky's grave.
He died in 1982, 19 months after the heist.
[ABUELITA.]
But how? Why? Did the Prophets disembowel him through his throat? Seriously, woman, we're psychically linked.
Those exact same questions crossed my mind, which is why I had to go deep.
I had to go where I never thought I'd need to go.
Oh, dear.
Jamal, where'd you go? [JAMAL.]
The library.
That night I pulled an all-nighter doing some serious fishing with the fiche.
- [ABUELITA.]
How do you fish with fish? - [JAMAL.]
It's microfiche.
- [ABUELITA.]
Micro what? - Micro nothing.
There was no evidence of Ricky's passing.
No obit.
So, that's it.
The end.
El Fin.
[CHUCKLES.]
Aren't those little homies funny? Gnomies.
Gnomies! [LAUGHS.]
Yes.
Anyways, Ricky is dead and so are our leads.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
We have a lead.
Go here.
Whoever is paying for the flowers on the grave knew Ricky and may know RollerWorld.
Beep.
Beep.
[BOTH.]
Beep.
Beep.
[LAUGHS.]
[BOTH.]
Beep.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to rub salt on the wound.
It's not your fault.
I haven't seen my parents in months and I've barely talked to them.
It's just a nightmare situation.
Which is why you should have a party! Ruby, she doesn't want to celebrate.
- Are you even listening? - I am.
And what I'm hearing is how important this party is to her mom.
- I can't do it without her.
- But that's why you have to.
You're not betraying your mom to have a quince if she's not here, but you would be betraying her to not have one because she's not here.
Not after all her planning.
I never thought of it that way.
Because I'm good at making people understand the right side of an argument.
- Or annoying them into submission.
- [RUBY.]
So Do you have any ideas about what you want? Everyone, please open your e-devices and find the e-mail I sent titled "Winning".
Find it? Good.
Because after copious hours of searching through Olivia's quincespirations, I've compiled the best ideas on a Pinterest page on the link below her headshot.
Where's Olivia? The princesa doesn't need to be bothered with the details.
Now, anyone else have a dumb question? Huh? Good.
And before we really get going, I'd like to remind you that we're not just friends and family, we're damas and chambelanes in Olivia's court de honor, which means being honorable and dedicated.
So, take a look at our mandatory rehearsal schedule and [PHONE BEEPING.]
Excuse me.
I need to take this.
Ruby's Fancy Festivities.
[RUBY.]
What do you mean? - [CESAR.]
Think that's your mom? - [MONSE.]
Yeah.
Just do it.
Laura Diaz? I couldn't use my real name.
I don't want to scare her off.
You know, the more I think about this, the more I realize this is dumb.
No way is my mom some rich lady living ten miles away from here.
I shouldn't do this.
ADD FRIEND - PENDING - What did you do? - What you needed to.
But I don't know if I want to know what I don't know.
- Then undo it.
Unfriend her.
- Wait, no.
But what if she's online right now and sees it? Unfriending would be offensive.
And I might be ready to friend her later.
She'll think that [RUBY.]
Yeah, yeah.
I'll take my business elsewhere.
I'm back.
Sorry.
Apparently ordering a goat-drawn carriage is more complicated than I thought.
Who knew there was a goat wranglers union? I kid you not.
- Pun intended.
- Whatever, man.
So, we're gonna need to rethink the carriage, which I'll get to in a moment, unless You all think the twins can pull it? No.
Fine.
Moving on.
The following are individual responsibilities - I'll handle music.
- Great minds think alike, compa.
Monse, given your expert penmanship, you're gonna do invitations.
- No.
- Use cardstock.
Jamal, you can cater.
And by you, I mean your dad.
- How many people? - Well there's us, and then the block, and - Three hundred.
- Three hundred people!? You're right.
Better make it 350.
Jamal will do the flowers.
I will do the food.
What do I know about flowers? Nothing, which is why you need to go to Mr.
Greenthumb.
Mr.
Greenthumb will help you.
Oh, Mr.
Greenthumb.
[CATS SNARLING.]
[GASPS.]
Uh I saw the flowers you did at the cemetery.
I can't remember the name of the dead guy.
Someone named Nicky or Dicky - Ricky.
- Right.
Ricky.
[CHUCKLES.]
Loved the plot, man.
Okay.
So, uh I need some flowers for a quinceañera.
I was thinking something in the vein of Ricky's grave, but for a party.
How much did those clients pay? You probably don't remember.
No biggie.
Could you just pass along their info and I'll ask them? No.
No? Ricky was my cousin.
- What do you have? - Nothing.
It's just a flashlight pen.
But take it, it's yours.
Oh, for the flowers.
Fifty bucks.
Sounds like three bins of baby's breath.
This is for a Quinceañera, not a rustic hipster wedding.
[LAUGHS.]
Screw hipsters.
All they ever buy is succulents.
- Fifty dollars don't look good, homie.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
Wasn't talking to you.
You crochet? Bake? Tickle? Julio thinks we could trade with sweat.
You lift for me, I arrange for you.
- Lift what? - Everything.
Me and Julio got into it.
His old lady, Juanita, left him.
He blamed it on me.
Thought we had a thing going on, but we didn't.
She wasn't a ride or die.
Right, homie? [CHUCKLES.]
- Yeah - Wasn't talking to you.
So, um I'm in for the work for flowers trade.
When should I start? You already have.
- [SLOW MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [OLIVIA.]
So, he's a little eccentric.
He's not eccentric, he's a quincecabra.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
Monse, you're consistently failing with your face.
See what I'm doing? It's body.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Then face.
If people are looking at your face, they can't tell how much you suck.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- Sorry I'm late.
- Silencio! No one wants to hear your excuses.
Look at Cesar.
Or don't.
The point is, he takes time in life and death situations to be prompt and you don't.
Everybody, again, from the top.
[MUSIC STARTS.]
It's a square, people.
It's a square.
- [MUSIC CHANGES TO DANCE BEAT.]
- Turn.
And down.
And one, and two, and three, and Guys! No.
No.
You're not even trying.
Ruby, you're a natural, we're not.
- We need an easier routine.
- Or no routine.
Nonsense! You just need some practice.
And I have some backup.
- She should be here any minute.
- Who? - [DOOR OPENS.]
- The talent, bitches.
Hey! [SLOW MUSIC STARTS.]
- [MUSIC CHANGES TO DANCE BEAT.]
- Yo, drop that track Oh, my goodness - Ow! - And that's just a taste.
Yeah, I got you shook.
You see, I'm like a Tootsie Pop.
You got to keep licking to get to the surprise.
- Is that my dress? - Nope.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Don't get worked up.
It's just on loan.
But now there's a big hole in the back.
Yeah, where you stabbed me in that "Everybody kill Jasmine" game.
I shouldn't even be here right now, - but I have a heart.
- [WHISPERS.]
Heart.
Plus it's your quince and I don't wanna regret not being one of your damas when we live together in our twenties.
Now let's get to work.
[RUBY.]
Music to my ears.
Everybody, grab your partners.
Olivia and Cesar, Jamal and Monse, me and Jasmine.
That's music to my ears.
On second thought, better pair the good with the bad.
You go work with Jamal.
- Monse! - [JASMINE.]
Hi.
[MONSE.]
Oh.
[SLOW MUSIC STARTS.]
Don't give me that look.
- But you said I needed better face.
- Yeah but not the kind that makes you look ugly.
Better face, not bitter face.
I'm gonna shut up right now and silently hate on you.
Okay.
Just don't look at your feet while you do it.
Head up, shoulders back.
[CESAR GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
He tripped because he's looking at his feet.
So ironic.
Actually, it's not ironic.
It's counterintuitive.
Irony would be the fact we're dancing with each other and not them.
They look really good together.
Yeah.
And what was I thinking? Girls like that don't go for guys like me.
- Why not? - Same reason guys like Cesar don't go for girls like you.
[OLIVIA GIGGLES.]
No one is into this quince, including me.
I need you to talk to Ruby.
And say what? That I want to call it off.
No way! You do it.
I can't.
I've already broken his heart once.
I can't do it again.
But you can.
Please, as my dama.
If we're calling off your quince, I'm not your dama anymore.
You are until it's over.
Here he comes.
Oh.
- Ruby, I need to talk to you.
- Oh, me too.
You think your dad's 18-wheeler could hold a horse? - Why? - Well, I found a dancing horse in Barstow, but I need to provide its transpo to and from the party.
That's it.
Ruby, you've become a total quincecabra.
- A what? - A monster! You're too wrapped up in this party and driving us all crazy and potentially shortening our lives with all this unnecessary anxiety.
And And this is about Cesar.
I saw the way you looked at him when he was dancing with Olivia.
It's classic transference.
You're mad at him, so you take it out on me.
I'm not mad at Cesar.
There it is again.
"I.
" "I" this and "I" that.
Monse, this isn't about you.
It's about Olivia.
You got to put jealousy aside and stop being selfish.
It's not a good look on you.
Oh, and I'm still gonna need you to get that 18-wheeler.
- [SIGHS.]
- So? Ruby's getting you a horse.
All right.
So, what's next? Should I rearrange the sundials? They won't sell if people can't see them.
Don't touch those things.
They belong to Ricky.
Take a break.
Julio thinks you're dehydrated.
You like puzzles? Sure.
Who doesn't? Riddles? Scavenger hunts? - Ever seen Goonies? - I am Goonies.
Goonies would have been Ricky's favorite movie, but he died before it came out.
- You must've really loved your cousin.
- He was cool.
He helped me start this place, put in his own money, even got his hands dirty.
But he was a terrible rapper.
Nobody could even tell him how bad he was.
He once rhymed "hair" with "hair.
" Do you remember how Lil' Ricky was with finances? Like did he ever suddenly come into a lot of money? And if so, did he hide it? Like under a mattress or in someone's backyard? You're the one.
The one what? The one who's going to find the RollerWorld money.
You know about RollerWorld? - Was Ricky involved? - I didn't say that but I didn't not say that.
Come back tonight and I will tell you everything.
- Why not now? - Too many ears.
[JAMAL SHUDDERS.]
[MR.
GREENTHUMB.]
I only trust Julio.
What time? I don't know.
7:00? Not you.
7:43.
Bring dinner.
Thai food, pizza, donuts, pastrami.
Where am I gonna get all that? [SCOFFS.]
Mother Phuket.
Unacceptable! - What's up? - Jamal just late-cancelled practice.
He's fired.
- We need a replacement.
- Oh, I can dance both parts! [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- We can't replace Jamal.
- I don't know anyone else.
Well, consider this an opportunity to make new friends.
Thank you.
- You avail Saturday for a quince? - Ruby! What? He's the right height.
I'm sorry.
The ladies have no vision.
- Okay, let's dive in.
- Yes! Not Not the food! Let's dive into the agenda.
Food is for inspiration.
Food is for closers.
Okay, I'll start.
So it turns out the dancing horse doesn't actually dance.
I can dance that part too.
What? I don't see anyone else stepping up! Cesar, what do you think about riding bareback with a sword? Where am I gonna get a sword? - Agh, do I have to do everything myself? - No! What's the problem, princesa? You! You're the problem.
Take dinner.
We're adjourned.
But you haven't earned it yet! Enough! A quince is supposed to be a celebration, but now it's a chore.
Nobody wants to do this, least of all me.
It's cancelled.
- The quince is off.
- Wha See you at school tomorrow.
[JAMAL.]
Chivo? Julio? Jesus Christ.
Do you always sit like this for dinner? Sit like what? [SCOFFS.]
Where can I sit? Kick it by the cacti.
While you're at it, re-pot them.
They look depressed.
RollerWorld and some food when you're done.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yeah? I'm sorry.
I guess I got a little out of hand.
A little? You ordered an ice luge to serve horchata.
What can I say, I'm passionate.
And obsessive, controlling, overbearing.
I wanted to help with your heartbreak.
I'm not good at sitting with feelings.
I gotta work it out.
So when people say sleep on it, I never do.
I may nap on it, but I never sleep.
I get right to the problem and fix it, but in this case, it can't be fixed.
And I'm sorry.
I didn't respect that maybe you just wanted to sit with things.
I need to learn to let people do that.
I'll be better next time.
I promise.
Good night.
[OLIVIA.]
Ruby.
What is that? I know, it's too much.
I'm taking it down.
I just thought it would've been nice to add a bit of your hometown to the party.
It was to take pictures in front of.
Oh, my God, this is You know not everyone wears cowboy boots in Texas.
- I took liberties.
- [OLIVIA CHUCKLES.]
Are those little Frito pies? Yes.
- It's amazing.
- Really? [CHUCKLES.]
Wait, that's not even the best part.
Close your eyes.
[RUBY.]
Now, imagine you're at the party and you stroll over to take pictures and Open your eyes.
[GASPS.]
Is it freaking you out? I mean, do they look too real? You printed cut-outs of my parents? I thought it'd be nice for them to make an appearance.
This is the best worst shit I've ever seen.
- Really? - Yes, really.
The quince is back on.
Damn it.
We lost half a day.
We're gonna have to double time it.
[CESAR.]
Ruby's not crazy.
The dude ordered a horse.
A horse.
What does Laura Diaz think? But seriously, did Laura ever get a response? Her friend request was accepted.
- Holy shit! - [MONSE CHUCKLES.]
Well, what'd you find out? - I haven't started digging yet.
- Let's do it now! Mm, I don't know.
I'm too nervous.
Feels like something I should do on my own in case I In case what? I can't handle what I find.
Okay.
But you know I'm here for you, right? I'm still your friend.
I know.
Oh, so get this.
Remember how I told you she's an author? - Mm-hmm.
- Well, I read one of her books.
And it's about a teenager who travels back in time and her past self is trying to kill her.
So, she's literally running from her past.
Yes! Thank you.
Isn't that insane? - It all seems to be adding up.
- Or I'm just reading into it.
- I can't do this.
- What? Pretend we're just friends.
I can't stop thinking about you.
- About us.
- Please don't, Cesar.
- I can't help it.
- You're with Olivia.
And the fam is happy.
But I'm not.
I think about you all the time.
Do you ever think about me? All the time.
[MAN.]
Hey, yo.
Hey, yo.
Hey, what's good with you, ma? You're looking good.
Let me get that ass at Pimp Lane.
Yo, Monse, why you still hanging out with these broke-ass Santos? Oh, you spent time in juvie, now you think you're balling? Yeah, where do you think I knocked off a bunch of your punk ass homies? Ask about me.
Go ahead.
- [CAN CLATTERS.]
- [MONSE.]
Hey! Hey! Let's just go! Screw the Santos and your dead homies.
You know what side you on? This is our block, feel me? They call me Lil' Spooky.
I'll blast on your ass.
- Please, Cesar.
- I don't care what side I'm on.
You're lucky your bitch is here.
'Cause when I catch you slippin' next time, I'm gonna put a hole in you.
[JAMAL.]
All potted and perky.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let's grub.
[MR.
GREENTHUMB.]
Oh, no.
Julio started eating without us.
The food it's all gone.
That's not cool, homie.
He's got that low blood sugar.
That bitch ain't hypoglycemic! You know how I know? Huh? 'Cause he's a stupid inanimate object made in China! Or Malaysia.
Or Jacksonville, Florida.
I can't believe I fell for this.
Your crazy ass has been playing me this whole time.
And you thought, "Oh I bet he can clean my entire place.
" Screw you! And screw Julio! Julio thinks it's actually you who is playing me.
You just want to know about the money.
- Julio, did you just say that? - He did.
Oh, no.
Put Julio down! He says he doesn't like to be held that way.
- He's got the vertigo.
- You tell Julio to shut his mouth! And then tell me what you know about RollerWorld.
- Tell me or Julio gets curbed.
- Put Julio down, please.
Then talk.
- Is there money buried in the neighborhood? - Yes.
- How do you know? - Because I know who buried it.
- Was it Ricky? - Put down Julio.
- Did Ricky bury the money? - I don't know.
Yes! Yes! Ricky buried the money.
- How do you know? - Because Ricky told me.
Ricky never lied to me.
- He protected me when nobody else would.
- So where's the money? With Julio.
The key to the money lies within Julio.
Julio? - Within Julio? - Yes! Screw Julio! Can Julio fly? What? - Let's find out.
- No! [SCREAMS.]
[CHOKES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
- Hey.
- [MONSE.]
Jamal, shit just got real.
Latrelle rolled up on Cesar.
We have to get him out of town.
It's the only way to keep him safe.
And we need money, a lot of money to do it.
Do you really think RollerWorld's real? I know it is.
No need No need to take from me Don't throw the paint on me I see this lake forming I got lost astray In this forest running away I slip up I'm on the edge now They see me And I nearly I nearly lose my grip But you held on to me And you shake me And tell me that I'm okay But I swear they smell the blood on me I hear them coming for me I swear they smell the blood on me I hear them coming for me I swear they smell the blood on me For me Yeah