One Day at a Time (2017) s01e09 Episode Script
Viva Cuba
1 [Lydia humming.]
Abuelita, how are you so happy in the morning? Oh, it's easy, Mamita.
Every night I dream of your abuelo, and we are playing dominoes and I win.
[chuckles.]
- Over and over and - Okay, I got it! [knocking on door.]
Hey, guys, you're in luck.
I finally found a vintage store that had a chair that matches your dining set.
Why do we need an extra chair? It's not really extra.
There's five of us.
[all gasp.]
I know.
It's not a perfect match.
But it's hardly the sorest thumb in the room.
Not the chair! What the hell are you wearing? Oh.
Che Guevara? Yeah.
Viva la revolución, am I right? You are wrong.
- Do you have any idea - I got this.
Do you have any idea Kids, relax.
[yells.]
Do you have any idea what this comemierda did? Grew an awesome beard and modeled for T-shirts? First of all, he wasn't even Cuban! He was Castro's right-hand man.
He burned books.
He banned music.
He personally oversaw execution squads.
He was a mass murderer! But [sighs.]
He has a cool hat.
It's like if you walked into a Jewish home wearing a Hitler shirt.
Or into Taylor Swift's home wearing a Kanye shirt.
Oh, my God! You guys.
I am so sorry.
- I had no idea.
[pants.]
- Okay.
We forgive you, Schneider.
We know that sometimes you are a bobo and don't know what you're doing.
It's okay.
Okay, now I kind of miss the shirt.
[theme song playing in Spanish.]
Hey, everybody.
Oh, finally you're home.
I have great news.
That reminds me! Papito has great news! I do.
In school, we have our nation project and today we picked our countries.
We chose alphabetically by last name.
Finally, makes me proud to be an Alvarez.
So, not the brave military mom wounded in the line of duty? Okay.
Let me guess.
You went for the easy A and picked America? No.
Stupid Travis Aarons got America.
I chose Cuba.
No, papito.
Cuba chose you.
It'll be nice for you to do some research on where we're from.
Yeah, I'm probably just going to film abuelita blabbing for a while.
You know her, "Cuba, Cuba, Cuba.
Ay.
¡Azúcar!" You have captured my essence.
I won't even have to write a paper.
It's like no work.
[sighs.]
Be less excited about that part.
Put some effort in.
Hey, why are you so hard on him? [chuckles.]
Are you kidding me? What happened to, "An A is an A, but a B is an F, and a C stands for China, because that's where you're going to live now.
" Okay, that's true.
But papito has such a pretty face to fall back on.
Worst-case scenario, I'll just marry some rich lady.
That's my boy.
[yells.]
Remember me? Can I finally share my news? I'm sorry, mama.
Please tell us.
Sister Fidelis told me that I'm a finalist for the Voices of Tomorrow.
[Penelope and Lydia gasping.]
The singing show? [gasping.]
Nietecita, I could not be more proud.
It's a writing program.
Oh.
Kookie, that's great.
It's a really big deal.
Only 30 students get chosen out of the whole country.
[whooping.]
But wait How much does it cost? All expenses paid.
[whooping.]
That's what I'm talking about! I mean, they say it's an Ivy League stepping stone.
Not that I buy into the aristocracy of the Ivy League, but it will be rewarding to turn Harvard down.
You get into Harvard, you're going.
Columbia even better, 'cause it will be easy for Abuelita to pronounce.
[mouthing.]
Columbia.
So, if they pick you what do we get to put in the Alvarez Museum? Come on! A trophy? A medal? A ribbon? And don't say the value of a job well done.
We need hardware! - I don't think I get anything.
- There's got to be something.
I need a visual record of how hard you guys are killing it.
Because that means you're killing it.
Because that means I'm killing it! - But I'm not even in yet.
- [shushing.]
We're going to have to make some space.
Can we take down the shadow box with our baby teeth in it? Why would we do that? Abuelita has a whole necklace planned.
Who would ever wear that necklace? Your bride, at your wedding.
[both gagging.]
I love that they think we're serious.
[both giggling.]
You're in a good mood.
- Is it because you - Stop! Think.
Is it appropriate? Never mind.
But I am in a good mood because Elena is up for a very competitive writing program.
It's pretty huge.
- She wants to be a journalist.
- Like on E! News? - No, like someone who writes the news.
- So like Us Weekly.
At least you're reading.
But I'm proud of her.
She has a dream and she's making it happen.
I remember when I had dreams.
When I was her age, I wanted to be the next Allan Sherman! The famous song parodist? "Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh"? "Shticks and Stones"? And, instead of "Hava Nagila," "Harvey and Sheila.
" I used to dream of competing in the X Games.
I had my own street luge.
You probably can't tell this by looking at me, but I was a big luger! Oh, we can tell.
A singer, a street luger and a person who could read.
What was your crazy, unrealistic dream, Penelope? I wanted to be a doctor.
Well, that's not a crazy dream.
It's just a regular, attainable dream that you didn't attain.
Oh.
[chuckles.]
No, it's fine.
Life went a different way.
Army, marriage, kids I guess 18-year-old me would be disappointed in my career, but she also wore brown eyeliner on her lips, so what'd that fool know? [laughing.]
So Yeah, I mean, I I've made sacrifices, but that just means Alex and Elena can have an even better life than I did.
Just like my parents did for me.
I know that's supposed to sound sweet, but it really bums me out.
So I had to flee Cuba and come here to America.
Your abuelo and I were separated for years before we found our way back into each other's arms.
[gasps.]
There was an earthquake the day we were reunited and I am convinced that the passion of our embrace moved the Earth.
[sighs.]
Not sure the science checks out, but who cares? That was beautiful.
[chuckles.]
Oh.
Gracias.
What are you doing? History is coming alive before your eyes! And that's too small a camera for too big a star! - What? - Keep talking.
You are so lucky she's here.
I know nothing about my grandparents and I never will.
And they live in Pasadena! I mean, the traffic's just [sighs.]
Anyway, this is a huge opportunity for you.
With the right production value, this might qualify for a Student Academy Award.
- [gasps.]
- Oh, yeah.
The Soscars? It's a thing.
I could win a trophy? Something for the Alvarez Museum besides my teeth? Don't forget your umbilical cord.
[chuckles.]
What the hell kind of museum is this? I'm gonna make a movie! I'll write a script, cast it, edit it Wait, am I making more work for myself? Am I excited about it? Is this what it's like to be Elena? I will start my beauty regime now.
I will be ready at dawn.
- Okay, but I have to go to school.
- Oh, good.
'Cause dawn was pushing it.
Okay.
So we're doing this tomorrow afternoon? Ah, I was supposed to have jury duty, but you know what? I'm just gonna call my guy.
This is more important.
Oh, hey, Pen.
Do you have a 50-foot extension cord and some dry ice? You know what? I'll make a run to the depot.
There's this great one I like to hit in Pasadena.
- Do I wanna know? - Tomorrow, I'm filming the whole family for my Cuba project.
It's a lot of extra work, but I'm really excited.
What is happening to me? Elena, something came in the mail! - [shrieking.]
- Ow! [Penelope.]
Look, here! - Is it from the Voices of Tomorrow? - Yes, it is! Looks like someone's gonna be the next Danielle Steel! - [Lydia chuckles.]
- What? She's a writer.
- "Dear, Ms.
Alvarez" - [both shrieking.]
Every year, thousands of students apply nationwide to fill 30 prestigious spots.
We are pleased to inform you [both shrieking.]
"of your acceptance to the Voices of Tomorrow.
" I did it! Screw you, Harvard! No, no.
She didn't mean that, Harvard! "It is our pleasure to inform you that you are this year's diversity candidate.
" Diversity candidate? Diversity candidate! "Being a diverse person" That's not even grammatically correct.
"you have a unique perspective and we value your contribution to our conversation.
" - Ugh! - What? That all sounds great.
No, they're saying I only got in 'cause I'm Cuban.
An award for being Cuban? Finally! You should take opportunities when they come.
'Cause when you're my age, you might regret having missed your chance.
I want a spot, not a diversity spot.
What happened to, "Diversity programs are part of our national responsibility", to level out a systemically uneven playing field"? - Well said.
- You said that when you were eight.
I'm sorry.
It just feels weird! It's, like, tainted.
I'll have to think about it.
Where's the letter? Penelope I need a consult, stat.
- What's that? - Lyrics.
I was so inspired by our conversation yesterday, I started writing parody songs.
Doc, there's, like, 20 patients waiting outside.
[mumbles.]
Just tell me which one you like better.
[snapping fingers and tapping foot rhythmically.]
What a ham, what a ham, what a ham What a mighty honey glazed ham Or Exercising makes us strong Zumba, Zumba Wow, this It's just so hard to pick.
- I have others - No.
Okay, the ham.
I like the ham one.
Don't do the Zumba.
Please don't do that again.
I I am really enjoying myself, you know? It's never too late to do what you love.
Okay.
So, I've been thinking.
Theoretically, if I still wanted to become a doctor Yes, yes, yes! Okay! [chuckles.]
Now I'm excited! Break it down.
[stutters.]
Tell me, what do I do? First, you take the MCAT.
Then you take it again when you fail.
Most people do.
Me, three times.
[chuckles.]
And then, just four years of med school.
Okay.
Five years, that's not bad! Then three years of residency.
And you never know where they're gonna send you, or what adventure awaits you.
You may get Honolulu.
I got Toledo.
Why people say, "Holy Toledo," I'll never know.
Nothing holy about it.
It's hell.
[laughs.]
Okay.
[chuckles.]
Eight years.
Oh, and then your fellowship.
Three more years.
So, 11 years? Wow.
You are going to ace the math portion of the MCAT.
And don't you worry, you will be shocked at how quickly a decade goes by.
Especially when you don't see your family.
But, in the end it will all be worth it, because you will be a doctor.
And $200,000 in debt! [chuckles.]
- I still haven't paid mine off! - You haven't? Looks like the sweet release of death will come first.
I win! Isn't this better? A good camera, proper lighting, and a cast in wardrobe.
I look like a fruit salad.
I look like Cousin Consuelo.
Don't let the beard throw you.
It actually looks really natural.
Lights, camera Talk now! [in exaggerated Cuban accent.]
I am a farmer.
I grow [grunts.]
coffee beans one of Cuba's most important exports.
I work every day from sunrise to sunset.
But I am happy with my simple life.
Cut! Can we do it again? It doesn't really seem like you're a farmer.
[in normal voice.]
'Cause I'm not really a farmer.
It's not too late to recast.
You auditioned and didn't get the part.
Move on, man.
Okay, Elena, you're up.
Great.
But I have some notes on the script.
Oh, here we go.
I hate it when the talent has thoughts.
What are you trying to say about Cubans? You're making us out to be total stereotypes.
We're not this different from everyone else.
[scoffs softly.]
Elena, get over the diversity thing.
A committee of people think you're a smart Latina, and they wanna help you achieve your dreams.
How is this not a good thing? Because I only got chosen to fulfill their race quota! They probably think I dress like this, and that I came over on a raft, rolling a cigar, and yelling, [imitating Tony Montana.]
"Say hello to my little friend.
" - Can we please finish shooting? - Yes.
We'll talk about this later.
There's nothing left to talk about.
I already e-mailed them and told them I'm not accepting it.
You did what? What [spits.]
You don't get it, kiddo.
You don't get it! This is a big deal.
And you don't have the luxury to be like, "Oh, it hurts my feelings.
" Come on! When I was 15, I would've jumped at this.
You have no idea what life is going to throw at you, and right now, you have the chance to pursue your dreams.
And not everybody gets to do that.
But it's my future! I wanna do it my way.
Elena! Oh, how do you storm off in this thing? [grunts.]
I have never seen such un-professionalism.
This is why I don't work! It's okay.
Let's get to the star.
Abuelita, you're up.
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you there.
[chuckles.]
It is I, Lydia Riera, the most famous dancer in Cuba.
I can do flamenco, salsa, mambo, pachanga, and the Funky Chicken.
[playing castanets.]
[vocalizing.]
Okay, abuelita.
Time for your story.
Make me laugh.
Make me cry.
Get me an A.
Well, when I was in Cuba the peoples would line up for blocks and blocks just to see me.
I was the iPhone of my time.
But then Castro took over.
My family was forced to flee.
And that's when I came to America.
Ooh! You know what would be good? Talk about being one of the Pedro Pan kids.
[gasps.]
Ah! Pedro Pan was a program that started during the revolution to fly children out of Cuba and give them safe haven in the United States until Castro left.
Okay so you were put on a plane to a new country where you didn't know the language? Oh, yes.
Without your parents? Yes.
And you were Elena's age, which would have made TÃa Maruchi my age? And Mimi would've been really young.
Yes.
Wow, Abuelita.
I can't even imagine.
That must have been so hard, taking care of your sisters, since you were the oldest.
Mami Are you okay? Ah [voice breaking.]
You know, I am sorry.
I'm a little tired.
I'm sorry, papito.
I think I am done talking.
Hmm? You want me to do her part? Is Alex okay? - Did I ruin his movie? - No.
Alex is fine.
He's a little confused.
Frankly, so am I.
[sighing.]
I know how much you like talking about all the good times in Cuba.
And I also know that there are certain things that are hard to talk about.
But I've never seen you react like that.
What's going on? It might be good for you to talk about it.
That's what I've been doing in therapy.
Okay, forget therapy.
But you came here alone, with nothing and you made an amazing life.
Someday, maybe you could talk to me about it.
I would love to hear your whole story.
I remember being at the airport.
We were only allowed one suitcase.
And my mami was so clever.
[sniffles.]
She sewed two dresses together, one inside the other so I could have more clothing.
Then it was time to say goodbye but I couldn't let go of Blanca.
Who's Blanca? [sighs.]
My sister.
Mami, you don't have a sister named Blanca.
There's Mimi, Maruchi, Mirtha.
She was my older sister.
Oh.
[sniffles.]
She couldn't come with us because she was 19.
Too old for Pedro Pan.
And she kept telling me "It's okay, we'll be seeing each other again in a few months.
" She said "Pucha, you have to go.
Walk through the pecera and don't look back.
"If you look back, you will never go forward.
" So I did it.
Because I did everything Blanca told me to do.
I never looked back.
[softly.]
Oy, Mami [sniffles.]
[sobbing.]
[sniffles.]
She died when you were little.
They said that she died of the flu Pero quién sabe.
[sniffles.]
Every day, I wish I hadn't listened to her.
Every day [sniffling and sobbing.]
I wish I had looked back.
Ay, Mami.
Mami, I'm so sorry.
[both sobbing.]
No, no.
It's okay.
I'm glad I told you.
Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
And I am happy that I did it.
Because look what I made.
[Elena sniffles.]
[chuckles.]
So, I guess you heard everything? It's just a curtain! Abuelita I had no idea what our family's gone through.
I'm gonna take that diversity spot.
[sighs.]
I'm sorry I was so stubborn.
It's okay.
Just get in there and outshine everyone and they won't even remember you're Cuban.
Oh, no.
I'm going to make sure that they don't forget that I'm Cuban.
Pa'lante! Abuelita I'm sorry I made you upset.
Oh, no, no.
It's okay, honey.
It's okay.
I will tell it again.
Oh, you don't have to do that.
Just let me reapply my makeup.
I didn't come all this way for you to get a B.
[Lydia on TV.]
But every sacrifice was worth it, so that my family could be whatever they wanted to be, and do whatever they wanted to do.
[in exaggerated Cuban accent.]
IncreÃble! But that is only one story.
There are many rich stories from Cuba that must be told.
Oh, no.
The wind is picking up.
Un huracán! [yelling.]
Un huracán! - [Dr.
Berkowitz.]
Oh.
- [all applauding.]
Oh, Lydia, I'm so thrilled to be your date at the premiere of the greatest story ever filmed.
You exaggerate, Leslie.
[chuckles.]
Date.
That was great, Alex.
Thanks.
And I finally have my contribution to the Alvarez Museum.
My script with an A-plus on the cover.
[exclaiming and applauding.]
And don't forget your signed headshot of the producer.
That's not going on my wall.
We'll see.
Uh but I may have something to add to the wall soon.
After giving it a lot of thought I have decided to go back to school to become No, no, no! Don't become a doctor! Please, I've been regretting it ever since we talked.
I'm so sorry I inspired you.
[chuckles.]
Relax, Doc.
You didn't inspire me.
They did.
I'm not gonna be a doctor.
I'm gonna be a nurse practitioner.
It's all the things that excite me about being a doctor, but the training takes a fraction of the time, and it still comes with a pretty sweet salary bump.
- Wonderful.
That's - Thank you.
Hey, maybe we could both be nurse practitioners.
Nah, I couldn't.
I enjoy the white coat too much.
[laughs.]
NPs get a white coat.
Son of a bitch! Pobrecito Leslie.
Maybe this will cheer you up.
Leslie and Lydia Leslie and Lydia Leslie and Lydia We're just good friends [continues singing indistinctly.]
synced by susinz
Abuelita, how are you so happy in the morning? Oh, it's easy, Mamita.
Every night I dream of your abuelo, and we are playing dominoes and I win.
[chuckles.]
- Over and over and - Okay, I got it! [knocking on door.]
Hey, guys, you're in luck.
I finally found a vintage store that had a chair that matches your dining set.
Why do we need an extra chair? It's not really extra.
There's five of us.
[all gasp.]
I know.
It's not a perfect match.
But it's hardly the sorest thumb in the room.
Not the chair! What the hell are you wearing? Oh.
Che Guevara? Yeah.
Viva la revolución, am I right? You are wrong.
- Do you have any idea - I got this.
Do you have any idea Kids, relax.
[yells.]
Do you have any idea what this comemierda did? Grew an awesome beard and modeled for T-shirts? First of all, he wasn't even Cuban! He was Castro's right-hand man.
He burned books.
He banned music.
He personally oversaw execution squads.
He was a mass murderer! But [sighs.]
He has a cool hat.
It's like if you walked into a Jewish home wearing a Hitler shirt.
Or into Taylor Swift's home wearing a Kanye shirt.
Oh, my God! You guys.
I am so sorry.
- I had no idea.
[pants.]
- Okay.
We forgive you, Schneider.
We know that sometimes you are a bobo and don't know what you're doing.
It's okay.
Okay, now I kind of miss the shirt.
[theme song playing in Spanish.]
Hey, everybody.
Oh, finally you're home.
I have great news.
That reminds me! Papito has great news! I do.
In school, we have our nation project and today we picked our countries.
We chose alphabetically by last name.
Finally, makes me proud to be an Alvarez.
So, not the brave military mom wounded in the line of duty? Okay.
Let me guess.
You went for the easy A and picked America? No.
Stupid Travis Aarons got America.
I chose Cuba.
No, papito.
Cuba chose you.
It'll be nice for you to do some research on where we're from.
Yeah, I'm probably just going to film abuelita blabbing for a while.
You know her, "Cuba, Cuba, Cuba.
Ay.
¡Azúcar!" You have captured my essence.
I won't even have to write a paper.
It's like no work.
[sighs.]
Be less excited about that part.
Put some effort in.
Hey, why are you so hard on him? [chuckles.]
Are you kidding me? What happened to, "An A is an A, but a B is an F, and a C stands for China, because that's where you're going to live now.
" Okay, that's true.
But papito has such a pretty face to fall back on.
Worst-case scenario, I'll just marry some rich lady.
That's my boy.
[yells.]
Remember me? Can I finally share my news? I'm sorry, mama.
Please tell us.
Sister Fidelis told me that I'm a finalist for the Voices of Tomorrow.
[Penelope and Lydia gasping.]
The singing show? [gasping.]
Nietecita, I could not be more proud.
It's a writing program.
Oh.
Kookie, that's great.
It's a really big deal.
Only 30 students get chosen out of the whole country.
[whooping.]
But wait How much does it cost? All expenses paid.
[whooping.]
That's what I'm talking about! I mean, they say it's an Ivy League stepping stone.
Not that I buy into the aristocracy of the Ivy League, but it will be rewarding to turn Harvard down.
You get into Harvard, you're going.
Columbia even better, 'cause it will be easy for Abuelita to pronounce.
[mouthing.]
Columbia.
So, if they pick you what do we get to put in the Alvarez Museum? Come on! A trophy? A medal? A ribbon? And don't say the value of a job well done.
We need hardware! - I don't think I get anything.
- There's got to be something.
I need a visual record of how hard you guys are killing it.
Because that means you're killing it.
Because that means I'm killing it! - But I'm not even in yet.
- [shushing.]
We're going to have to make some space.
Can we take down the shadow box with our baby teeth in it? Why would we do that? Abuelita has a whole necklace planned.
Who would ever wear that necklace? Your bride, at your wedding.
[both gagging.]
I love that they think we're serious.
[both giggling.]
You're in a good mood.
- Is it because you - Stop! Think.
Is it appropriate? Never mind.
But I am in a good mood because Elena is up for a very competitive writing program.
It's pretty huge.
- She wants to be a journalist.
- Like on E! News? - No, like someone who writes the news.
- So like Us Weekly.
At least you're reading.
But I'm proud of her.
She has a dream and she's making it happen.
I remember when I had dreams.
When I was her age, I wanted to be the next Allan Sherman! The famous song parodist? "Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh"? "Shticks and Stones"? And, instead of "Hava Nagila," "Harvey and Sheila.
" I used to dream of competing in the X Games.
I had my own street luge.
You probably can't tell this by looking at me, but I was a big luger! Oh, we can tell.
A singer, a street luger and a person who could read.
What was your crazy, unrealistic dream, Penelope? I wanted to be a doctor.
Well, that's not a crazy dream.
It's just a regular, attainable dream that you didn't attain.
Oh.
[chuckles.]
No, it's fine.
Life went a different way.
Army, marriage, kids I guess 18-year-old me would be disappointed in my career, but she also wore brown eyeliner on her lips, so what'd that fool know? [laughing.]
So Yeah, I mean, I I've made sacrifices, but that just means Alex and Elena can have an even better life than I did.
Just like my parents did for me.
I know that's supposed to sound sweet, but it really bums me out.
So I had to flee Cuba and come here to America.
Your abuelo and I were separated for years before we found our way back into each other's arms.
[gasps.]
There was an earthquake the day we were reunited and I am convinced that the passion of our embrace moved the Earth.
[sighs.]
Not sure the science checks out, but who cares? That was beautiful.
[chuckles.]
Oh.
Gracias.
What are you doing? History is coming alive before your eyes! And that's too small a camera for too big a star! - What? - Keep talking.
You are so lucky she's here.
I know nothing about my grandparents and I never will.
And they live in Pasadena! I mean, the traffic's just [sighs.]
Anyway, this is a huge opportunity for you.
With the right production value, this might qualify for a Student Academy Award.
- [gasps.]
- Oh, yeah.
The Soscars? It's a thing.
I could win a trophy? Something for the Alvarez Museum besides my teeth? Don't forget your umbilical cord.
[chuckles.]
What the hell kind of museum is this? I'm gonna make a movie! I'll write a script, cast it, edit it Wait, am I making more work for myself? Am I excited about it? Is this what it's like to be Elena? I will start my beauty regime now.
I will be ready at dawn.
- Okay, but I have to go to school.
- Oh, good.
'Cause dawn was pushing it.
Okay.
So we're doing this tomorrow afternoon? Ah, I was supposed to have jury duty, but you know what? I'm just gonna call my guy.
This is more important.
Oh, hey, Pen.
Do you have a 50-foot extension cord and some dry ice? You know what? I'll make a run to the depot.
There's this great one I like to hit in Pasadena.
- Do I wanna know? - Tomorrow, I'm filming the whole family for my Cuba project.
It's a lot of extra work, but I'm really excited.
What is happening to me? Elena, something came in the mail! - [shrieking.]
- Ow! [Penelope.]
Look, here! - Is it from the Voices of Tomorrow? - Yes, it is! Looks like someone's gonna be the next Danielle Steel! - [Lydia chuckles.]
- What? She's a writer.
- "Dear, Ms.
Alvarez" - [both shrieking.]
Every year, thousands of students apply nationwide to fill 30 prestigious spots.
We are pleased to inform you [both shrieking.]
"of your acceptance to the Voices of Tomorrow.
" I did it! Screw you, Harvard! No, no.
She didn't mean that, Harvard! "It is our pleasure to inform you that you are this year's diversity candidate.
" Diversity candidate? Diversity candidate! "Being a diverse person" That's not even grammatically correct.
"you have a unique perspective and we value your contribution to our conversation.
" - Ugh! - What? That all sounds great.
No, they're saying I only got in 'cause I'm Cuban.
An award for being Cuban? Finally! You should take opportunities when they come.
'Cause when you're my age, you might regret having missed your chance.
I want a spot, not a diversity spot.
What happened to, "Diversity programs are part of our national responsibility", to level out a systemically uneven playing field"? - Well said.
- You said that when you were eight.
I'm sorry.
It just feels weird! It's, like, tainted.
I'll have to think about it.
Where's the letter? Penelope I need a consult, stat.
- What's that? - Lyrics.
I was so inspired by our conversation yesterday, I started writing parody songs.
Doc, there's, like, 20 patients waiting outside.
[mumbles.]
Just tell me which one you like better.
[snapping fingers and tapping foot rhythmically.]
What a ham, what a ham, what a ham What a mighty honey glazed ham Or Exercising makes us strong Zumba, Zumba Wow, this It's just so hard to pick.
- I have others - No.
Okay, the ham.
I like the ham one.
Don't do the Zumba.
Please don't do that again.
I I am really enjoying myself, you know? It's never too late to do what you love.
Okay.
So, I've been thinking.
Theoretically, if I still wanted to become a doctor Yes, yes, yes! Okay! [chuckles.]
Now I'm excited! Break it down.
[stutters.]
Tell me, what do I do? First, you take the MCAT.
Then you take it again when you fail.
Most people do.
Me, three times.
[chuckles.]
And then, just four years of med school.
Okay.
Five years, that's not bad! Then three years of residency.
And you never know where they're gonna send you, or what adventure awaits you.
You may get Honolulu.
I got Toledo.
Why people say, "Holy Toledo," I'll never know.
Nothing holy about it.
It's hell.
[laughs.]
Okay.
[chuckles.]
Eight years.
Oh, and then your fellowship.
Three more years.
So, 11 years? Wow.
You are going to ace the math portion of the MCAT.
And don't you worry, you will be shocked at how quickly a decade goes by.
Especially when you don't see your family.
But, in the end it will all be worth it, because you will be a doctor.
And $200,000 in debt! [chuckles.]
- I still haven't paid mine off! - You haven't? Looks like the sweet release of death will come first.
I win! Isn't this better? A good camera, proper lighting, and a cast in wardrobe.
I look like a fruit salad.
I look like Cousin Consuelo.
Don't let the beard throw you.
It actually looks really natural.
Lights, camera Talk now! [in exaggerated Cuban accent.]
I am a farmer.
I grow [grunts.]
coffee beans one of Cuba's most important exports.
I work every day from sunrise to sunset.
But I am happy with my simple life.
Cut! Can we do it again? It doesn't really seem like you're a farmer.
[in normal voice.]
'Cause I'm not really a farmer.
It's not too late to recast.
You auditioned and didn't get the part.
Move on, man.
Okay, Elena, you're up.
Great.
But I have some notes on the script.
Oh, here we go.
I hate it when the talent has thoughts.
What are you trying to say about Cubans? You're making us out to be total stereotypes.
We're not this different from everyone else.
[scoffs softly.]
Elena, get over the diversity thing.
A committee of people think you're a smart Latina, and they wanna help you achieve your dreams.
How is this not a good thing? Because I only got chosen to fulfill their race quota! They probably think I dress like this, and that I came over on a raft, rolling a cigar, and yelling, [imitating Tony Montana.]
"Say hello to my little friend.
" - Can we please finish shooting? - Yes.
We'll talk about this later.
There's nothing left to talk about.
I already e-mailed them and told them I'm not accepting it.
You did what? What [spits.]
You don't get it, kiddo.
You don't get it! This is a big deal.
And you don't have the luxury to be like, "Oh, it hurts my feelings.
" Come on! When I was 15, I would've jumped at this.
You have no idea what life is going to throw at you, and right now, you have the chance to pursue your dreams.
And not everybody gets to do that.
But it's my future! I wanna do it my way.
Elena! Oh, how do you storm off in this thing? [grunts.]
I have never seen such un-professionalism.
This is why I don't work! It's okay.
Let's get to the star.
Abuelita, you're up.
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you there.
[chuckles.]
It is I, Lydia Riera, the most famous dancer in Cuba.
I can do flamenco, salsa, mambo, pachanga, and the Funky Chicken.
[playing castanets.]
[vocalizing.]
Okay, abuelita.
Time for your story.
Make me laugh.
Make me cry.
Get me an A.
Well, when I was in Cuba the peoples would line up for blocks and blocks just to see me.
I was the iPhone of my time.
But then Castro took over.
My family was forced to flee.
And that's when I came to America.
Ooh! You know what would be good? Talk about being one of the Pedro Pan kids.
[gasps.]
Ah! Pedro Pan was a program that started during the revolution to fly children out of Cuba and give them safe haven in the United States until Castro left.
Okay so you were put on a plane to a new country where you didn't know the language? Oh, yes.
Without your parents? Yes.
And you were Elena's age, which would have made TÃa Maruchi my age? And Mimi would've been really young.
Yes.
Wow, Abuelita.
I can't even imagine.
That must have been so hard, taking care of your sisters, since you were the oldest.
Mami Are you okay? Ah [voice breaking.]
You know, I am sorry.
I'm a little tired.
I'm sorry, papito.
I think I am done talking.
Hmm? You want me to do her part? Is Alex okay? - Did I ruin his movie? - No.
Alex is fine.
He's a little confused.
Frankly, so am I.
[sighing.]
I know how much you like talking about all the good times in Cuba.
And I also know that there are certain things that are hard to talk about.
But I've never seen you react like that.
What's going on? It might be good for you to talk about it.
That's what I've been doing in therapy.
Okay, forget therapy.
But you came here alone, with nothing and you made an amazing life.
Someday, maybe you could talk to me about it.
I would love to hear your whole story.
I remember being at the airport.
We were only allowed one suitcase.
And my mami was so clever.
[sniffles.]
She sewed two dresses together, one inside the other so I could have more clothing.
Then it was time to say goodbye but I couldn't let go of Blanca.
Who's Blanca? [sighs.]
My sister.
Mami, you don't have a sister named Blanca.
There's Mimi, Maruchi, Mirtha.
She was my older sister.
Oh.
[sniffles.]
She couldn't come with us because she was 19.
Too old for Pedro Pan.
And she kept telling me "It's okay, we'll be seeing each other again in a few months.
" She said "Pucha, you have to go.
Walk through the pecera and don't look back.
"If you look back, you will never go forward.
" So I did it.
Because I did everything Blanca told me to do.
I never looked back.
[softly.]
Oy, Mami [sniffles.]
[sobbing.]
[sniffles.]
She died when you were little.
They said that she died of the flu Pero quién sabe.
[sniffles.]
Every day, I wish I hadn't listened to her.
Every day [sniffling and sobbing.]
I wish I had looked back.
Ay, Mami.
Mami, I'm so sorry.
[both sobbing.]
No, no.
It's okay.
I'm glad I told you.
Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
And I am happy that I did it.
Because look what I made.
[Elena sniffles.]
[chuckles.]
So, I guess you heard everything? It's just a curtain! Abuelita I had no idea what our family's gone through.
I'm gonna take that diversity spot.
[sighs.]
I'm sorry I was so stubborn.
It's okay.
Just get in there and outshine everyone and they won't even remember you're Cuban.
Oh, no.
I'm going to make sure that they don't forget that I'm Cuban.
Pa'lante! Abuelita I'm sorry I made you upset.
Oh, no, no.
It's okay, honey.
It's okay.
I will tell it again.
Oh, you don't have to do that.
Just let me reapply my makeup.
I didn't come all this way for you to get a B.
[Lydia on TV.]
But every sacrifice was worth it, so that my family could be whatever they wanted to be, and do whatever they wanted to do.
[in exaggerated Cuban accent.]
IncreÃble! But that is only one story.
There are many rich stories from Cuba that must be told.
Oh, no.
The wind is picking up.
Un huracán! [yelling.]
Un huracán! - [Dr.
Berkowitz.]
Oh.
- [all applauding.]
Oh, Lydia, I'm so thrilled to be your date at the premiere of the greatest story ever filmed.
You exaggerate, Leslie.
[chuckles.]
Date.
That was great, Alex.
Thanks.
And I finally have my contribution to the Alvarez Museum.
My script with an A-plus on the cover.
[exclaiming and applauding.]
And don't forget your signed headshot of the producer.
That's not going on my wall.
We'll see.
Uh but I may have something to add to the wall soon.
After giving it a lot of thought I have decided to go back to school to become No, no, no! Don't become a doctor! Please, I've been regretting it ever since we talked.
I'm so sorry I inspired you.
[chuckles.]
Relax, Doc.
You didn't inspire me.
They did.
I'm not gonna be a doctor.
I'm gonna be a nurse practitioner.
It's all the things that excite me about being a doctor, but the training takes a fraction of the time, and it still comes with a pretty sweet salary bump.
- Wonderful.
That's - Thank you.
Hey, maybe we could both be nurse practitioners.
Nah, I couldn't.
I enjoy the white coat too much.
[laughs.]
NPs get a white coat.
Son of a bitch! Pobrecito Leslie.
Maybe this will cheer you up.
Leslie and Lydia Leslie and Lydia Leslie and Lydia We're just good friends [continues singing indistinctly.]
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