Only Murders in the Building (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

True Crime

Go, go, go! - Doors closed! - Stay inside! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! - Oh my God, oh my God - Help me, someone! We gotta get her! I'm not leaving her here! - Oh, and I would? - Of course you would! Of course I would! It's not what you think.
Here's a thing I don't get.
People who worry about living in a big city because of all the crime.
As any true crime aficionado will tell you, it's the boondocks you need to worry about.
I mean, let's face it.
Nobody ever discovered 19 bodies buried in the backyard of a 14-story apartment building.
There's eyes on you all over the place here.
And New Yorkers have a special way of communicating.
And by special, I mean direct.
We're packed in tight and stacked on top of each other like those of us who live at the Arconia.
Hey, hold up.
Wait, are you - I'm Brazzos.
- Oh shit, dude! I used to watch that show with my dad when I was a kid! That was his favorite! Wait, what was that thing you always said? This sends the investigation into a whole new direction.
That's it, man! That's it! Oh shit! So cool.
Dad's got ALS now.
He can't really talk or - feed himself anymore.
- I'm sorry.
He's in hospice, but he just won't let go, you know? And, honestly, it'd be, like, better for my whole family if if he would.
- You want a photo? - Yes! Of course! Yes! That'd be awesome.
Thanks, man! Actually, could you do it landscape? - Turn it sideways.
- Better if you turn it there.
That's good, that's good.
You tell your dad Brazzos took that picture.
I will, I will, but he won't understand, you know? Not anymore.
- Bye.
- Thanks, man.
Thanks a lot.
New York can be a fucking lot.
All the eyes on you all the time.
Hey, baby.
Where you going so tough? Two thousand women report assaults here every year, so it's a place that makes you binge Dateline to find out how not to end up on Dateline.
I have this recurring dream.
I'm in bed, I wake up, and there's a man standing over me.
So, I kick him right in the nuts, and I grab my knitting needle and I take him down to the bone with that thing.
Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I imagine brutally murdering that dude.
And I'm out like a light.
Works every time.
As I said, it's a lot.
Don't be here if you don't like a lot.
What is it about you?" Which, of course, is a line from a big hit show about an orphan.
And don't we all feel like orphans here at times, struggling to find our place? I saw this brilliant dance piece on the worldwide web recently, set to Clair de Lune.
A simple premise of a man trying to reach the top of a staircase and falling, but always trying to find some new way to bounce back up again.
And I thought, isn't that each of us, every day in this big burg? That's life in New Really?! Do you not see this coat!? - What are you doing? - Still, one thing is certain in this town.
Just when it's all starting to feel the same, that's when you get hit by something you never saw coming.
Hey, Lester.
Oh, Ursula, my darling.
- Anything for me? - Yep.
Save me a trip.
Yeah, this is all research for shows I'm developing.
Some off-, some off-off, you know? Stay out of the theater if you want a life, Ursula.
Trust me.
Hold it! Ah! Oh! Sorry.
I just Ooh! Ah! Got it.
Sorry, I'm just, uh, I-I have - an important thing a little bit later - Yeah, me, too.
Oh, hello.
- Filming something today? - I'm sorry? All the makeup, I just assumed.
I'm not wearing makeup.
Me neither.
Is it 5:00 yet, do you know? - No.
- No.
Tim Kono.
With a K.
Do you see anything you got in today's packages? Okay.
I don't know why this keeps happening.
Well, this one is very important to me.
How early tomorrow? Do you like your Beats? I had a yellow pair.
I just loved them so much.
And then, like an idiot, I leave them on the subway.
The thing is, when you lose something on the subway, - you you don't know - Ding! Even the elevator wanted that story to end.
Come on, Winnie.
You're listening to All Is Not OK In Oklahoma, from Cinda Canning.
Funding is provided by our sponsors, The Rand Corporation, the Milton and Miriam Swann Foundation for the Arts and for Dissolving the Federal Reserve, and Trader Joe's.
With additional support from Royal Crown Cruises, the Royal Crown Prince of Dubai, and listeners like you.
And now, here's Cinda Canning with episode six of All Is Not OK In Oklahoma.
When Ray Butler walked me into the woods behind his barn that night in Chickasha I wasn't expecting to find anything related to the disappearance of his niece, Becky.
I was thinking more about Ray's unorthodox clothing choice for farm living.
But that all changed because of what was going on next to the riverbed, where Ray's old Lab, Bo, was digging at something in the dirt.
Once he got his dug-up prize, Bo ran proudly to me with it dangling in his mouth.
It took a moment to absorb what it was, but then, it became all too clear.
Bo had found Shit! My gah No.
Yeah! That's good.
- Lester, is this real? - I don't know.
We're finding out.
Even in a steady Oklahoma rain, I was transfixed Well, look who got the last booth! But all that changed because of what was going on next to the riverbed.
Listen, if I've ever offended you during any of the many times you've auditioned for me, - then - I've never auditioned for you.
Oh, you're not Scott Bakula? I am not.
Oh! You're the other one.
Got it.
Well, listen, I-I won't say a word, but my, uh, favorite podcast just dropped a new episode tonight, and What does Bo have in his mouth? I don't know! Oh Exc - Do you know if there's any available? - I'm sorry.
We're totally booked Hey! Come over! Thank you.
Yeah! Sit down! Half the building's in here.
I'm Oliver, by the way.
Oliver Putnam.
Charles-Haden Savage.
I'm Mabel.
No, really.
What is Oh.
A great old school name.
Get out.
What the fuck is in Bo's mouth? Becky's panties! - It is not Ray.
Too obvious.
- Exactly.
Listen, I'm just relieved that something of Becky Butler showed up somewhere.
I almost forgot who went missing.
They took too long with it.
Student Council president, "she had a smile that would light up a room," blah blah blah.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, I am all for a good peeling of the onion, but let's pace it up, people.
To that point who are you, you fascinating creature? I mean, we got our places 30 years ago when the Arconia was affordable, but you? Do your parents have a place there Good God! You don't have to answer that, Mabel.
I mean I mean unless you want to because I'm also curious.
- How do I know you? - Oh, Charles was in an old TV series, many, many years ago.
- What was it called? Uh, Bozos.
- Brazzos.
Oh Okay.
As for me, uh, directing is my day job.
I'm sure you're aware.
But, uh, my grandchildren they're my passion.
I just wish I had more time to spend with them.
That's really all we want, isn't it? More time with the people we love.
I literally pass him in the elevator once a month, just so you know.
Anyway, those are our proverbial onions.
Raw and peeled.
And yours? Care to peel for us? I do not.
- Can I? - Absolutely not.
No, no.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Hi, baby.
Oh! That's a real dog.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at this.
- Lester, what the hell? - Found someone dead.
What? Sounds like they offed themselves.
- You're kidding me.
- Ninth floor.
Can't let anyone in.
- We can't go to our apartments? - No, sir.
- Did he say the ninth floor? - Yeah.
I could get us to the freight elevator, just to take a peek.
Just to see what's happening.
But, we should take it to eight.
Why? They'll have cops posted on nine.
Ooh, you're good.
Tell the captain this is a suicide.
All right, guys, I need you to canvass around the building.
It's that guy from the elevator! Oh my God.
Oh my God.
It's that guy! - It's that guy - His His head was I've seen TV dead bodies.
That was Have you ever - He shot himself! - No, he didn't.
We saw him, what, like an hour ago? Did he seem like he was gonna go do something like that? - Oh! - Are you associated with the deceased? - No, no.
We don't know him.
- We're neighbors in the building.
We live in the building.
- Mm-hmm.
So, you don't know him? - Just in passing.
- Not his passing.
- No, yes.
When we pass by him.
Before he passed.
That's right.
Um, but are y are you, uh, sure that it was suicide? It doesn't make sense.
I mean, even in passing, he didn't seem the type.
- So, you don't know him.
- Look, you're probably just starting your investigation, - looking into all the forensics - Goddammit.
What fuckin' podcast are you all hooked on? Huh? I swear to God, if I meet one more true crime nut This is suicide.
It's textbook.
Residue powder on the hands, evidence of financial stress.
We even found a note on his laptop saying he's outta here, which is exactly where you all need to be.
- What if - Nuh-uh, it's not.
- B-b-but, y-y-you - No, no, no, no, no.
It's not.
So, go on ahead and enjoy your cute little lives, and be glad that you still have one.
You Goddamn true crime fuckin' numb-nuts.
The motherfucking garbage bag! Why would he get on the elevator with that? There's a chute on every floor.
What was in there? We all have the same thought? The garbage bag! Ah.
Different thought.
We should do our own podcast.
I'm sure that every true crime podcaster wishes that he was on the case right from the start.
And here we are, w You know what? I should be recording this right now.
Well right now, the only thing that matters is that there's a killer on the loose if we're right, and he could be living somewhere in our building.
Oh, that is a very good line.
Badly delivered, but a good line.
So, do it again for me, and this is what I need.
I want you to really hit killer.
You know? Just killer.
There's a killer loose somewhere - No need to scream.
- That's too hard.
You know what I need you to do? - Really punch somewhere.
- There's a - Gimme an action.
- Action.
Killer on the loose somewhere.
Okay, do it again, but slower, and with, you know, like a human "If there's anyone left to care, there is nothing for me anymore.
" Is that "I'm just tired of feeling lonely.
I don't want to be lonely anymore.
" This is his.
There's mail in here to Tim Kono.
And other notes! Attempts to get his last words right? Looks like we have our answer.
So, that's it? We're done? No podcast.
Back to Oklahoma.
I read the script.
My character has no lines, not one.
Wait, they want someone who looks like Brazzos, and they want me to audition for this? Well, I'm not that late.
Can we get the four-top by the window? I'll get the Caesar with the balsamic and the double croutons.
You need to ask for a bigger table.
I have my grocery cart.
Tell them it's Bunny.
They know me.
I'm not always in here.
I was just coming up to get you.
I've got an audition.
Wait a minute.
- Is this about - Yes.
In or out, soft lips.
I got places to be.
Fuck 'em.
I'm offer only.
Okay, so I know what we found last night, but I also know me, and I can't stop thinking about this.
- Neither can I.
- A week ago, I saw Tim, - the dead guy, at Bunny's apartment.
- Ooh, she's head of the board.
Okay, so he was asking her about a package of his that she got by mistake.
That makes sense.
They're on the A-line.
I get mis-delivered packages on the C-line all the time.
Do you remember him on the elevator saying Okay.
I don't know why this keeps happening.
And it was important, and he couldn't get it Well, how early tomorrow? Bunny's got the package.
I have a way in.
What the Who are you? - I'm remodeling.
- This is a major How-how many rooms are in this? You're living here in the middle of a renovation? Shh! Please focus.
Look, there it is.
A direct route into Bunny's.
We just need to take off the grate.
No, no, no.
Have you forgotten? I'm Brazzos.
Hey, Will! Surprise! - Grandpa's here! - Dad, it's it's Sunday.
Mom's got the kids.
They're at the zoo.
Well then, I-I'll just leave these for them.
New deck looks fantastic, Will.
Yeah, the kids live out there.
Yeah, I'm sorry I missed them.
But this is this is a good.
You and I get a little Jersey hang time.
Jersey hang time? So, what's up? Do you have any milk? Brazzos was the son of a locksmith, so the crew gave me these jimmy keys as a wrap gift, season 5.
I watched a few of those.
I like the early '90s stuff.
Sometimes, you get to see Hammer pants.
You were good.
You're a good actor.
- Have you done any other shows? - Uh, I did a few pilots, but they didn't move forward.
I don't think I test well.
- Hm.
I can see that.
- Yeah, thank you.
Wait, what? That's Bunny's.
So, how's work? Good.
It's fine.
You know, th-th-there's some stuff out there.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Did you, uh, get your next project? Well, I -I thought I had something, but, uh it just went away.
So Will, I'm gonna need to, um Oh no - God - You know, I I I really did not want this to become a regular thing, but I am strapped.
- Dad - Honey, I am so - close on a few things.
- Yeah, that's what you said last time.
- How long have you lived here? - Twenty-eight years.
But not always by yourself.
- You've been alone for 28 years? - Shh Alone isn't so bad.
I like alone.
Give me that smaller pick.
My father was a Charles.
I I'm a Junior.
It was the most consistent refrain of my childhood was how much I was like him.
And I really was.
We were both right-handed, but we used scissors with our left hand.
We could both pick up just about any instrument and play it by ear.
But give us basic algebra? Forget about it.
He turned gray at 47, white at 58, and, hm? People like my father.
They meant it as a compliment when they said I was like him, but he was awful to my mother.
He tried to make her feel small.
He seemed to get pleasure out of it, making her feel silly.
Making her feel unsure of herself.
So, at a certain point I thought, well, we use scissors the same way, and we can play any instrument the same way.
Odds are Alone isn't so bad.
Obviously, it's mortifying coming to you like this.
I'm revolted at myself.
But, I I can't get any work, you know? I mean, this is it's been years now.
And so, I just I need a little help from someone You have to sell the apartment.
- I can't do that.
- Dad, you cannot keep living like this.
It's all I have.
It's who I am.
Yeah, well, obviously, it makes me very sad to hear that.
I'm sorry.
Really, I'm so sorry.
For so many things.
But, it is just a rough patch, honey, and I just Stop, stop, stop, stop.
I can't.
Not again.
Well, I I I certainly appreciate, um you know, everything that you have done, and and and don't worry.
This is just a it's a rocky moment, - that's all.
I'll be fine.
- Dad.
Stay for Sunday dinner.
No, no, no.
I re I do actually have to get back.
I do.
So, you know gotta dig in.
Nose to the grindstone, right? Can I have my coat? Please? It's my aunt's apartment.
She asked me to redo it for her.
You can see how well that's going.
It's the first time I've been alone in, like ever.
I tend to make packs wherever I go.
When I was a kid, I had my Hardy Boys pack.
That's too old a reference for you.
We were being old school calling ourselves that.
Anyway, me and my Hardy Boys Well, there were four of us, and two were actual boys, by the way.
We would get into solving mysteries around the complex that we all lived in.
So, this stuff is not new to you.
I mean, those were made-up mysteries.
At least, most were.
And your Hardy Boys, where are they now? Maybe you're right.
Maybe going at it alone is better.
Any luck with that? Oh, I've been in for a while.
Yes! Good job, Brazzos.
All right.
This is an A-line three bedroom.
You take the living, dining, spare.
I'll take the kitchen and the bedrooms on the side.
Now, Bunny probably keeps her packages in a hutch - or a sideboard.
- Brazzos, look at your hand.
We have our first clue.
And we stole it from a neighbor to get it! Yeah.
I know.
I was there.
You should open it.
I can't tell if I want it to be nothing or for it to be something.
What is it? What kinda guy kills himself an hour after being desperate to get his hands on this? Here's a thing I don't get.
People who worry about living in the big city because of all the crime.
As any true crime aficionado will tell you, it's the boondocks you need to worry about.
Nailed it.
I don't know.
It it it's so PBSy.
Like a Ken Burns documentary in the history of boredom.
- Maybe Mabel should give it a try.
- I'd rather die.
And now, he's giving away my part.
So tomorrow, we lay out a timeline.
I have maps and I have full blueprints of each floor of the Arconia.
You fancy.
Hey, did you guys hear about that mysterious death in the park last night? We could multitask a little bit.
Silo out a second investigation, - do a second podcast.
- No.
We need to focus.
Only murders in the building.
"Only murders in the building.
" Welcome to Only Murders In The Building.
A true crime podcast.
I'm your host, Charles-Haden Savage.
For right now.
How's it going? Oh, good.
All good.
You? Good.
You know, sometimes I can smell that omelet you make.
Oh! Sorry.
Next time, I'll turn the fan on.
I like it.
Reminds me of Lucy.
It was her favorite, right? Have you heard from her? Here Uh, here and there.
Well, tell her hi for me next time.
A great true crime mystery unpeels itself like an onion.
First the crime, then the characters, and then their secrets.
The secrets are the fun part.
Who is telling the truth? Who is lying? What are they hiding? Because, let's be honest.
Sometimes it's easier to figure out someone else's secret than it is to deal with your own.

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