Only Murders in the Building (2021) s04e06 Episode Script
Blow-Up
1
[OLIVER PUTNAM] You know, I almost
proposed to Loretta in LA,
- and then I didn't.
- Why not?
[OLIVER] One failed marriage,
who hasn't been there?
Two failed marriages?
People start asking questions.
I can't believe that you
thought I killed your friend.
I can't even kill this
moderate to severe case
of bacterial conjunctivitis.
Sazz called Bev Melon
and said that there was
a problem on the movie,
and right after that, she was shot!
Someone on the movie killed Sazz
to keep this problem a secret.
[BEV MELON] The most brilliant
directing team, the Brothers!
These three should be
in the photo shoot, too. [LAUGHS]
It's just that the timing. I'm just
saying in order for it to happen,
that would mean someone
shot from the West Tower,
came all the way over here,
cleaned up the crime scene,
and disposed of the body,
all in 12 minutes?
How am I doing?
- It's been 38 minutes.
- What?!
What is this I'm standing on?
It feels like fly paper.
It's a tacky mat.
[MABEL MORA] And that tacky mat matches
the one from Dudenoff's apartment.
The killer was up at
the production offices,
which means they're probably
at the photo shoot.
♪
It wasn't one person who
did the murder. It was two.
One to shoot and one to clean up.
You're totally right.
They could've done this.
Where's the other Brother sister?
[MUSIC SWELLS]
- [GUNSHOT]
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[HOWARD MORRIS]
Oh, my God, they've been shot!
[SCREAMS FADING OUT]
What you are about to see
is a testimony of the accused,
but in our native language,
the language of
film.
The footage is sourced from many
different angles, cameras, and lenses
to give a multi-dimensional perspective,
as only cameras can, of the truth.
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
Tawny and I got our first camera
at 9 years old.
- [YOUNG TRINA] Action.
- [LOUD THUD]
[TAWNY BROTHERS] A Sony DCR-VX1000.
We saved all our money,
but it wasn't enough.
So we stole it.
♪
Our aesthetic lived at
the intersection of
voyeurism and body horror.
♪
For whatever reason,
we didn't fit in in high school.
- [CAFETERIA CHATTER]
- [BROTHERS SISTERS CHIRPING, COOING]
[STUDENT] So weird!
[CHIRPING AND COOING CONTINUES]
No.
[TRINA BROTHERS]
Then we met our film professor,
and our lives were changed.
He said what made us weird
would make us successful.
All we had to do was
[PROFESSOR] Keep shooting.
If there's one thing you take
away from my class, it's this.
Take your camera and cover
the world and capture it all.
And never, never censor yourself.
Never look away.
Unless it's an eclipse or Medusa,
or that time that I stapled
your exams to my shirt.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
No, but seriously.
Keep it rolling.
- [CLICK, CAMERA WHIRRING]
- Even when it's chaotic.
Because chaos can be good.
Chaos
can be art.
We really took that to heart.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [CROWD SCREAMING]
[HOWARD] Oh God, they've been shot!
- [HOWARD WHIMPERS]
- [MABEL] Oliver!
- [HOWARD THUDS]
- [OVERLAPPING SCREAMING]
[PANICKED CHATTER]
- Get me the fuck outta here!
- [CREW MEMBER] It came from over there!
[PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES]
- There! Right there!
- [SHUTTER SNAPS]
It's Glen, he's still alive!
Which Oliver is that?
- Uh Zach?
- [ZACH GROANING]
- They got me in my fat!
- [MABEL] Okay.
- [ZACH WHIMPERING]
- Here.
Here, put pressure on it. Oliver!
[SCREAMING, PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES]
- Is it over?
- [CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE] He's okay!
[QUIRKY, PRETENTIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAWNY] Act one. The Inciting Incident.
- [PANICKED CHATTER, STREET NOISE]
- [OLIVER] Taxi!
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
[OLIVER] Drive, drive!
Take us to the Upper West Side.
Anywhere but the hell that is SoHo.
- Are those guys gonna be okay?
- They have to be.
I can't have anyone else
die because of us.
- [HOWARD] Oh, my God!
- Did you guys see Tawny
when the shot was fired?
No, no. All I saw was my life
flash before my eyes.
- Oh, I was a beautiful boy.
- [HOWARD] Mm-hmm.
Talented, even then.
Innocent,
and oh-so very good. [SNORTS]
[HOWARD] So what's inside your heads?
You thinking Tawny took that shot?
[GASPS] Oh! You think
it was meant for Oliver?
If it was, that means
the shot that killed Sazz
could've been meant for me,
and who knows?
[TRAFFIC NOISE, CARS HONKING]
- Mabel could be next.
- [HOWARD GASPS]
[DRAMATIC] So you're all the target!
[MABEL] Howard, why are you filming us?
[HOWARD] Well, I'm the on-set
documentarian-slash-talent liaison.
I was told to never stop rolling
by the, um, by the Brothers Sisters.
The killers? Get out of this cab!
[HOWARD] We're not even in Midtown!
Wait, wait, you know what?
I'll work for you. Fuck
the Brothers Sisters.
If anything happens to you,
this will be evidence for the police.
Okay, fine. Keep filming.
But, uh, but, favor my left side.
Slightly higher angles.
- [HOWARD] Okay
- And no profiles!
- [HOWARD] Oh boy.
- [MABEL SIGHS]
Why would the Brothers Sisters
jeopardize their own
film to kill Oliver?
It doesn't make any sense.
It makes perfect sense.
We just can't make sense of it.
[PANTING]
Oh look, it's my famous neighbors
who have ruined the building.
[OLIVER] Uma, step aside.
I'm in a lunging mood.
Look at this. Because of you,
they've installed cameras everywhere
in case we're murdered.
Can't cut a fart or steal a newspaper
anymore without being watched.
Get the fuck away from me.
Nobody around here
shoots the right people.
We need to get somewhere safe.
Well, seeing as someone
was killed in your apartment,
and the shot came from mine,
I'm feeling Oliver's.
Yes, m-mine's the least murdery.
Also, I have the most
comfortable furniture.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- If the shooter doesn't kill me,
Charles' stiff sofa will.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
- Ah.
- [BUTTON CLICKS]
[WHISPERS] Murderers in the building.
- Hit the close button.
- [OLIVER] I am! I am.
- [BUTTON CLICKING]
- [MABEL] Hurry, Oliver!
[CHARLES] Press it all you
want, but most close buttons
haven't been operational
since the Americans with
Disabilities Act of 1990.
Charles, we could die at any moment.
- Please make your fun facts funner!
- [SUPER 8 CAMERAS WHIRRING]
[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[VOCALIZING]
[THEME SONG FADES OUT]
- [PROJECTOR WHIRRING]
- [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
- Oh God, the sisters are in the building!
- [HOWARD] Ow!
And eerily calm!
Are they toying with us?
[OLIVER] I don't I don't know.
- [PHONE DINGS]
- It's like killer whales and their prey.
Though, technically, killer
whales aren't really whales.
[OLIVER] Funner!
[HOWARD] Are you okay, Oliver?
You seem upset.
- I seem upset?
- [HOWARD] Mm-hmm.
I seem upset?!
Oh, I don't know.
I guess because I almost died today!
Oh, my God.
- I almost died today.
- [HOWARD] Mm
[GLASS BOTTLE CLANKING, CORK POPPING]
And as I was lying
there, completely fine
- between two bleeding people
- [LIQUID POURING]
all I could think of was Loretta.
Why am I living another moment
without the love of my life by my side?
[HOWARD] Oh, hello.
[OLIVER] I Look, I-I'm
just one big tub of regret.
[CHARLES] How about
a big tub of bourbon?
- [HOWARD GRUMBLES]
- How about you, Charles?
What are your regrets?
Me?
- Nothing, really.
- [OLIVER] You have regrets.
I'll start you off. That ad
campaign you did for saccharine.
- [HOWARD] Hm.
- Flashing that weird look
whenever I give you
the opportunity to pick up the bill.
[MABEL] The moment you
fell in love with Jan.
- [HOWARD] True.
- [CHARLES] Hey!
She turned us on to Baked by Melissa,
and we love that place!
Oh, well that totally makes up
for all the serial killing.
- Although those cinnamon rolls are good.
- [HOWARD] Yeah.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
[OVERLAPPING PANICKED YELLING]
- [MABEL] Oh my gosh
- [PANICKED MUMBLING]
She just called from downstairs.
- Come on, guys. What did I say?
- [HOWARD] Oh, thank God.
I had one request. One fuckin' request!
Do not let anything happen
to Galifianakis!
Someone is trying to kill us,
Detective! Kill me!
As someone that's wanted to kill you
for the past three years,
- I understand.
- [HOWARD] Rude.
[MABEL] How are Zach and Glen?
Well, Stubbins is stable
but unconscious.
The bullet struck the plate in his head
and deflected to Gali-fine-akis,
but don't worry. It did not
hit any of his organs, oh no.
That lucky piece of
adorable comedy man-meat.
- What is this? What's happening?
- [HOWARD] Just pretend I'm not here.
Yeah, nah, that's not happening.
Shut that shit off.
- Shut that shit off.
- [SNAPS MONITOR]
You oughta go upstairs and
arrest the Brothers Sisters.
Tawny wears boots
that match the footprint
found in Dudenoff's apartment.
[EXCITED] The exact same boots?!
Yes! So Oh, you're playing with me.
[NORMAL] Listen, I need more than
similar footwear to get a warrant.
Well, I saw Tawny carrying a long
black case right before the shooting.
It's possible the murder
weapon is in there.
[EXCITED] Then, find it!
Okay Ugh, you did it again.
- Don't forget I'm hiding one here, too.
- [SUPER 8 WHIRRING]
Don't need to see my sister
whacking off after hours.
Would give our film the NC-17
we've been waiting for.
- [CLICK, CAMERA STOPS]
- Huh.
Listen, also, my little squatter,
Dudenoff? Not in Portugal.
Nope. He's been cashing
social security checks
at a bodega on 125th Street.
- Dudenoff's back in New York?
- [DETECTIVE DONNA WILLIAMS] Mm-hmm.
And he was here around
the time Sazz died.
He has to have
something to do with this.
Well, what's Dudenoff have to do
with the Brothers Sisters?
Come on, Brothers Sisters, Dudenoff,
Freddy, Chucky, Jigsaw. I don't
give a fuck. The bottom line is
there is someone
definitely after you guys,
so you all might wanna consider
moving to fuckin' Portugal.
[TEXT DINGS]
Oh. They want me to report
back to the crime scene.
Apparently, someone
else has also spotted
your [SCOFFS] escaped ex, Jan Bellows,
back in the city.
And lucky me, they want me on it.
Oh! Uh
Charles, this is for you.
This is Sazz Pataki's remains.
I don't know. I thought it would be nice
for her to be with you as opposed to,
you know, on some shelf
in an evidence warehouse.
Oh. I
I'll add these to my mason jar.
Thank you.
Listen, guys, don't all be heroes, okay?
I really do not feel like
identifying your parts.
- Do you hear me?! The fuck?!
- [OVERLAPPING YESES]
Howard, would you turn off
the camera, please?
[HOWARD] Sure. I mean, you make content
out of other people's grief, but
Right. Sorry.
- [PHONE DINGS]
- Oh!
Bev Melon just called an emergency
production meeting upstairs.
- [OLIVER] Do we go up there?
- No!
We stay away from the sisters
and get outta town!
No, we can't run. We need to learn
why the Brothers Sisters
are wanting us dead.
- [OLIVER] Uh, jealous of my talent?
- [HOWARD] Oh yeah.
[OLIVER] You know,
Rob Reiner once cut my brakes,
Thelma-and-Louise-ing
me into the Potomac
and stole The Princess Bride from me.
Charles, what if we go upstairs,
but Howard keeps filming us?
That'll keep us safe.
[HOWARD] Good idea.
No one's ever killed on camera.
Don't google "someone killed on camera".
We solve the case, save our lives,
and avenge Sazz.
Fine. I'll go up and
look for that rifle case,
but keep the camera rolling.
[HOWARD] Ooh! I get to save the day.
With our lives on the line,
it's a race against the clock
to solve the case
and get justice.
[HOWARD] You're supposed
to ignore the camera.
It loves me. That would be wrong.
- [MABEL] Putnam!
- [HOWARD AND OLIVER YELP]
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- [PRODUCTION OFFICE CHATTER]
[TRINA] You're here!
- We have so many questions.
- [HOWARD] I got it.
One, has the closeness of death
made you feel more alive?
- Absolutely.
- [CHARLES] Uh-huh.
Uh, uh, careful. Cameras.
We have cameras.
[HOWARD] Trina, Tawny, I'm back working
for them, but it is not a big deal.
It is nothing to murder about.
[WHISTLES] Okay, everyone!
Circle around!
Circle around.
- Come on in.
- [SUPER 8 WHIRRING]
[CLAPPING]
- [HOWARD] Sorry.
- Um, I'm sure all of you may have heard
about our little "firearms moment"
at the photo shoot,
but I'm here to assure
you that, number one,
the police are on it, number two,
it will not affect the production one
- [CLATTERING]
- [MARSHALL THUDS]
- I'm so sorry!
- [BEV] Oh, God. So annoying.
Okay, where was I? Um
Yes, I just came back from the hospital,
and Zach has asked me to send all
of you a little tiny message saying,
- "The show must go on!"
- Whoo!
I told her I wanted out of the film.
Then, she threatened to sue me.
- [MACHINES BEEPING]
- Then, she pulled the tube
out of my arm and sucked the pain meds
out of the IV bag
like a fuckin' Capri Sun!
Oh, yes, and now Heather, um, please,
I need you to all sign a waiver
releasing me of all liability.
She'll give you pens,
if we could do that.
And I'm feeling just a little bit tired,
so I'm gonna take a quick cat nap.
Snappy little nap.
[QUIETLY] There's the rifle case.
Zoom, zoom!
- [HOWARD] Okay, okay.
- [CHARLES] Enhance!
[HOWARD] Huh?
- Did you get it?
- [HOWARD] I zoomed.
I'm gonna go check on Marshall.
Get some dirt on the Brothers Sisters.
Good idea. Spill the tea on 'em.
Wait, no, that's not It's this
What is it? It's something like
No, but it's close. I-It's
like a-a tea and spilling.
Uh, no. Uh, this is gonna drive me nuts.
- Spill the tea on 'em!
- Bingo!
- Yeah, yeah. Spill the tea.
- Spill tea on 'em.
- Nailed it.
- Yeah.
- Hey. How you holding up?
- Hey.
Um, you know, two people got shot,
and we're supposed to act
like nothing happened.
How's Oliver?
You know, people think
the killer was going after him.
- This is so crazy.
- It is.
The only ones who don't
seem that thrown off are
The twins.
I mean, above their normal
baseline level of off.
You think they're suspects? Wow.
I'm not surprised actually.
Have you seen their student film?
[OLIVER HUMMING]
Ah, yes. Yeah.
- [MUFFLED PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [HUMMING CONTINUES]
[CHARLES] Oliver, hurry up!
We started the movie.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING ON COMPUTER]
- What'd I miss?
- [CHARLES] So much.
It's weird.
It's called The Desecration of Alice.
It's about an elderly artist
and identical twin sisters
that he made out of clay,
and they came to life.
- It was a whole thing in the first scene.
- [CHIP CRUNCHING]
[DRAMATIC] And as he is their
creator, so they do his bidding.
[NORMAL] They make
that point very clear.
And there's some kind of
anti-sugar message.
[AVANT GARDE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[IN UNISON] Yes, creator.
We will do your bidding.
- [SHARPENING KNIVES]
- Say the word, and we'll spoil our blade
in the flesh of your enemies.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Go! Spill some blood in my name, girls.
[MUSIC SWELLS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
[CHARLES] Vince Fish?!
- [TAWNY] Act two. The Rising Action.
- [QUIRKY STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
[OLIVER CLEARS THROAT, SNIFFS]
[VINCE FISH] [MUFFLED] Visitors!
- [CHARLES] Hey Oh.
- Hey, hey!
[CHARLES] Wasn't your pink eye
on the other side last
time we were here?
It hops. Come on in.
Rudy and I are just
playing with our new toy.
[MOUTHING] Hops?
We got it at this estate
sale for this old lady.
She was at that stop at the transverse,
minding her own business
[VINCE] Then, bam!
Decapitated by the side-view
mirror of the M86 bus.
- [VINCE] Bam!
- The bus didn't even stop
'cause it was pretty full, and there
was another one right behind it.
- [HOWARD] Oh, my God.
- On the bright side, we got a drone!
- [DRONE BUZZING]
- [LAUGHS] It's working!
- And it's a camera drone.
- [VINCE] So what's with the camera?
[HOWARD] Oh, we're
just shooting a little
behind-the-scenes footage for the movie.
[VINCE] I love the movies!
I lost my hand! I lost my bride!
- [CHARLES AND RUDY] Johnny has his hand!
- Johnny has his hand!
- [ALL THREE] Johnny has his bride!
- [OLIVER GIGGLES EXCITEDLY]
And then Cher Bono
says, "Snap out of it!"
[LAUGHING]
It's from Moonstruck, Mabel.
You really should see it.
Yeah, I think I've seen enough.
- Ah.
- Um, we also saw another movie recently.
The Desecration of Alice.
- I was in that.
- [OLIVER] We saw.
We didn't realize you were an actor.
Or that you knew the Brothers Sisters.
Oh yeah, we didn't tell you?
Yeah, w-we all took
classes with Dudenoff.
[RUDY THURBER] At different times.
[MABEL] So, he was your ?
Film professor. I wasn't
much of an actor.
You know No, no, no,
I was just doing him a favor.
He said I had "desecrator vibes",
- but this guy, this guy
- [RUDY LAUGHS]
Mr. Spielberg movie.
[SIGHS] Catch Me If You Can.
I play an agent in Tom Hanks' office.
- [OLIVER] Oh!
- At the 1:07 mark,
you can see me in the far right
cubicle making a phone call.
- [OLIVER] Really?
- Yeah, and then he got up
and walked to the bathroom!
But Leo DiCaprio had it cut.
Too threatened.
Also, I kept looking in the lens.
Okay, so there is a connection
between the Brothers
Sisters and Dudenoff.
Oh yeah, he really made them.
I mean, they were his favorites.
Not ours. He would invite
them to Oh Hell nights,
and they would be kissing his ass.
[MOCKING] "We don't love our
daddy. Be our daddy, Dudy".
[NORMAL] They would do anything for him!
[VINCE] Alright, Rudy, alright.
Come on, stop dwelling.
- It's beneath you. Come on.
- Thank you.
Come on, help me pry open the window,
so we can take our drone
on its maiden voyage.
[WHISPERS] Did you hear that?
Dudenoff made them. He gave them life.
[WHISPERS] So they do his bidding,
just like in their movie.
Oh, my God. Did they murder for him?
- [HOWARD] Ooh, puppet master.
- Guys, guys, we should slow down.
We still don't even know
why they would want us dead.
I think we should finish watching
The Desecration of Alice
before we base our
entire theory around it.
Great, you do that. I'm phoning Loretta
while I still feel the fleeting
nature of my existence.
She should be wrapping the set by now.
Also, it's after 5:00, so it
won't affect my rollover minutes.
Yeah, that hasn't been
a thing for, like, 15 years.
- Really?
- [WINDOW RATTLING]
But, no one told me. I've been
so precious with my minutes.
[TAPPING ON WINDOW]
Charles, are you coming?
I still wanna look
inside that rifle case.
But it's in the office. How will you
get in there without being shot?
- [VINCE] There we go!
- Through the window.
- [CARS HONKING OUTSIDE]
- That's, like, 15 stories up.
[DRONE WHIRRING]
[CHARLES] Oh, don't worry about that.
- [BUZZING]
- [HOWARD YELPS]
I have friends in high places.
- [DRONE HUMMING]
- [VINCE AND RUDY LAUGHING]
[HOWARD] I'm rolling.
Do you think you could get a look
inside the Brothers Sisters' office
- without anyone noticing?
- Oh yeah.
Absolutely.
I am stealth.
I am the African leopard
on the Serengeti.
Quiet, cunning, precise.
I always knew those sisters were sickos.
They'd film dying animals,
they'd set things on fire,
and when they eat an apple,
they eat the whole thing.
The seeds. The stem.
- That little sticker.
- [VINCE] Ugh. They're nuts.
Well, I had an aunt who
ate cantaloupes like apples,
and a scientist got a grant
to study her teeth.
- Wow, that's somethin'.
- [RUDY] Mm.
Okay, come on.
- We have lift-off.
- [DRONE BUZZING]
[RUDY] Oh, go easy on the upward thrust.
- [VINCE] I got it. I got it.
- [RUDY] Huh?
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- I got it.
Hey, guys? D-Do you have any idea
why the Brothers Sisters
might dislike me or Oliver or, or Mabel?
Oh, who knows anything with those two.
[RUDY] Come on, halfway there.
I hear Dudenoff's back in town.
- What? What?!
- What? No. He can't be.
- Where did you hear that?
- You must be mistaken.
Dudenoff wouldn't come into
town without saying hi.
[DRONE BUZZING]
- Vince, watch out!
- [VINCE] I got it!
- I got it! I got it! I got it
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
[THUD, CLATTERING]
- [CHARLES GROANS]
- I don't got it.
[UMA HELLER] [FROM BELOW]
What the fuck?!
[LINE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
[LINE RINGING, ANSWERING]
Loretta! Uh,
before you say anything, um
something happened today
and it got me thinking and regretting
things that I haven't done.
And I-I need to admit something.
In LA,
I was gonna propose to you.
And I choked. [STAMMERING]
I'm an idiot.
So, I wanna spend whatever
time I have left with you.
What do you say?
[LORETTA DURKIN] [ON PHONE] Ugh
Okay
Well, y-you take it in.
I've said it. You've heard it.
And so
[LORETTA] Ugh!
[CLICKS TONGUE] Well
[HANG UP BEEPING]
- [ASSISTANT DIRECTOR] Okay, quiet on set.
- [DIRECTOR] Let's go again.
- [SOUND MIXER] Sound speed.
- [DIRECTOR] Remember, you've been burned
- both physically and emotionally.
- [LORETTA] Uh-huh. Uh Ugh!
[ASSISTANT DIRECTOR] Apple mark.
[AVANT GARDE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[MABEL] Well, I finished
The Desecration of Alice.
I was hoping for more clues,
but all I got is a deep fear of sugar.
How'd it go with the drone?
I'd say "crash and burn" sums it up.
Ditto with me and Loretta.
I said I regretted not proposing,
and she went, "Ugh!"
Was it a
[SURPRISED] huh?
[NORMAL] Or more of a
- [DISAPPOINTED] ugh?
- The second one.
- Sorry.
- Oh, it's our friends.
Guess who's accessorizing?
Gravey's new collar
[GRAVEY SNIFFING]
[HOWARD] is a doggy cam.
She's a doggy spy.
- I'm a cadaver dog.
- [GRAVEY BARKS]
- [CHARLES] No, no, no, no, no!
- [ALL GASP]
- Oh, Gravey that's my friend!
- [OLIVER] Oh, my God!
- [MABEL] Oh shit, Gravey!
- [CHARLES AND OLIVER] Oh!
- [OLIVER] Bad Gravey!
- [HOWARD] She is not bad.
She is doing her job
at being a cadaver dog
and being absolutely adorable.
Yes, you are. You're a good girl.
Howard! Bad!
[GRAVEY SHAKING]
[CHARLES] Sazz's replacement joints.
[OLIVER] Here's her left shoulder.
Thank you. Oh, no, it's not.
- Yeah. See? It says "left".
- No, this one says "left".
In Bulgarian.
I learned that when I dubbed
Brazzos episodes for Macedonia.
So, there's two left shoulders?
- [HOWARD] What?
- Who has two left shoulders?
Guys
Sazz's body wasn't the
only one in the incinerator.
- [OLIVER GASPS]
- Which means
[HOWARD] What?
There was another
murder in the building.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
- [QUIRKY STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TAWNY] Act three. The Climax.
Well, okay. Sazz told Jan there was
another murder in the building,
and she was right! This was it!
So, what if Dudenoff killed someone,
put them in the incinerator,
and then when we started podcasting
about murders in the building
[CHARLES] Dudenoff went into hiding.
But, he still needed someone
to stop us investigating.
So he got the Brothers Sisters
to do his bidding.
[HOWARD] They spoiled their blades
in the flesh of their enemies!
- Yeah.
- [CHARLES] They tried to kill me,
but they got Sazz instead. They
put her body in the incinerator,
just like Dudenoff's first victim.
Exactly! It's all so simple.
Guys, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
- Well, it doesn't make no sense.
- [MABEL TEXTING]
I'm texting the serial number of this
second shoulder to Williams.
See if she can ID the person
- that was killed.
- [SENDS TEXT]
[CHARLES] Okay, let's see.
How do we get the Brothers
Sisters to confess?
- [HOWARD] Hm
- How do we get them to conf
Howard! Point that somewhere else!
I can't think with that in my face!
- [HOWARD] Okay.
- I agree! It's unnerving being filmed.
- [HOWARD] Oh.
- Turn it off, Werner Herzog.
- [HOWARD SIGHS]
- That's it.
We go on the offense.
We turn the tables and
the camera on them!
See how they like it!
We throw them off balance,
so they just spill the tea everywhere!
- In the rugs and places.
- [OLIVER] Right.
- [TEXT DINGS]
- Ooh!
- [GROWLS]
- [MABEL] Is everything okay?
Oh, no, no, it's fine. I
just thought it might be
from Loretta, but it's
from Carpets USA offering me
a promo code for a free rug pad.
[HOWARD] Just because you have regrets,
doesn't mean you can fix all of them.
And if you could send me that
promo code at some point
- [OLIVER GROWLS]
- [MABEL] Oliver, I'm sorry.
No, no, no. it's fine. Listen, i-if
my soulmate doesn't wanna be with me,
I don't wanna be with her.
Come on, let's go
confront our would-be assassins.
I'm gonna get my video camera, too.
- [HOWARD] Ooh, is it digital?
- [OLIVER] VHS.
- [HOWARD] Retro.
- [MABEL SIGHS]
- Are you okay?
- Uh
Turns out, I do have a regret.
If our podcast really
did get Sazz killed,
I'd never forgive myself.
We're gonna solve this case.
We have to solve this case.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- [SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[OLIVER] Now, where's that zoom button?
[CHARLES] [WHISPERS] Okay, let's go.
- [AUDIO WARBLES]
- [SUPER 8 CAMERA WHIRRING]
[NORMAL] Cameras down, ladies.
It's time for us to ask the questions,
and you to buckle
- under the gaze of a lens.
- [SHOES STICKING]
- [OLIVER] What's wrong with this thing?
- [TRINA] Are we suspects?
- [TAWNY] Oh, we have to film this.
- [AUDIO WARBLING]
[CHARLES] Where were you the night
Sazz Pataki was murdered?
We were here in the Arconia.
- What?
- You were?
[TRINA] We came to visit a friend.
- And that friend was Milton Dudenoff.
- [TAWNY] Yes.
- Admit it!
- [TRINA] She just did.
So, you were in his
apartment that night?
[TRINA] Yes. We got in using
the password he always used.
- His favorite card game.
- [HOWARD] Oh Hell?
Exactly, but upside down.
Seven-seven-three-four-four-zero.
Yeah, we know.
- Keep it moving, sister.
- Dudenoff was your film professor,
and you were his star pupils.
As he was your creator,
so you do his bidding!
[TAWNY] Of course.
[MABEL] Even kill?
[AVANT GARDE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [STUDENT 1] Ugh. Creepy!
- [STUDENT 2] So disturbing.
[STUDENT 3] Is it too
late to drop his course?
[TAWNY] Professor Dudenoff was
the first person who
ever believed in us.
[DUDENOFF] Well, those students were
pretty upset by your film.
Ignore the critics and
just keep shooting.
- Okay? Wait
- [TRINA SIGHS]
These are for you.
Professor Dudenoff,
you're giving us your Super 8s?
Well, my bones are too creaky
to lug those things
around anymore. Uh
How can we ever repay you?
- [CAMERAS WHIRRING]
- [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAWNY] He was our
mentor. Our everything.
So would we kill for him?
- [BOTH] Abso-fucking-lutely.
- [HOWARD GASPS]
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
It's time to take a look
inside that rifle case of yours.
[TEXT DINGS]
Oh, my God. Guys, they just identified
the other left shoulder.
Was it the guy who used to scream
in the lobby about loving Zabar's?
I haven't seen him for ages.
What was his name?
It belongs
- to Dudenoff.
- [GROUP GASPS]
Dudenoff was in the incinerator.
He w He's not in
Portugal or New York.
- Dudenoff was murdered.
- [SISTERS GASP]
- [CAMERAS CLATTER]
- [TRINA] No.
- [MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
- He's dead?
[MABEL] When was the last time
you spoke to him?
Uh, um, i-i-it's been a while.
Three years?
We said we wanted to make
bigger movies to earn
real money. He hated that.
We moved to LA, and he,
he cut off all communication.
It was devastating.
Then, this movie set in the place
he lived came up, and
I mean, it was beneath us, but
We took it. To be close to him.
But still, he didn't answer
our calls. [GASPS]
Now, we know why.
Oh! [QUIETLY SOBS]
[AFFECTED CRYING]
[CHARLES] Well, if
you're not our killers,
why have you been sneaking
around with this rifle case?
- This part is jammed badly. Oh.
- [MABEL] Oliver! Just
[LATCHES CLICKING]
What?
[HOWARD] Huh?
It's a camera case. We've been
making a film within our film,
a behind-the-scenes thing.
We put hidden cameras
in our production office
and in your apartments.
That's an invasion of privacy.
And it's illegal!
Not really.
You gave us permission in the
life rights contract you signed.
[SCOFFS] I seriously
couldn't believe it.
Oh, great. "Don't worry, guys.
Uh, we don't need a lawyer.
- I have signed millions of contracts".
- [OLIVER MUTTERS]
- [HOWARD] Saw that coming.
- [TRINA] Dudenoff always said,
"Keep shooting, and
the story will reveal itself".
He would've been so proud of us. [GASPS]
- [TAWNY WHIMPERS]
- Keep shooting.
- [CAMERA WHIRRING]
- Okay.
We have two murders now.
Who killed Sazz
and who killed Dudenoff?
And who was pretending to be Dudenoff
cashing the checks at the bodega?
We need to look into that.
Oh, my God, that's it!
- [MABEL] What do you got?
- Doug.
The guy who used to love Zabar's,
his name was Doug.
Okay.
- [QUIRKY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TAWNY] Act four. The Denouement.
[TRINA] You're slaying
that jumpsuit, by the way.
I got it at the Rikers Auction.
Something about being swaddled in
the dried sweat of the imprisoned
sets me free.
[MABEL] Make sure you
get all of the cameras.
[GULPS]
[SIGHS]
[OLIVER] What's this? Oh!
I found another camera!
[CHARLES] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So then
- whose camera is this?
- [PHONE DINGS]
What?
It's from Sazz's phone.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[HOWARD] What?
[PHONE DINGS]
I got one, too.
But this is from five days ago 'cause
I'm wearing my Monday jammies.
[HOWARD] Oh, my God. [GASPS]
[PHONE DINGS]
Not you, too?
- What the fuck?
- [HOWARD GASPS]
These aren't from your cameras?
- No.
- [HOWARD] Oh.
♪
[CHARLES] Alright.
- [CAMERAS WHIRRING]
- The killer is watching us right now.
Oh, they've been watching us.
- For how long?
- [PHONE DINGS]
[TAWNY] This is fucked.
I got the wide shot.
[TRINA] Good.
- I'm watching you.
- [HOWARD GASPS]
[PHONE DINGS]
[HOWARD GASPING]
[PHONE DINGS]
- [GASPS]
- [OLIVER] Okay, okay.
- W-We are not safe in this building.
- [HOWARD] You think?
Charles, you were right. We
have to get out of here now.
[CLATTERS]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [INDISTINCT MUTTERING]
[TRINA] What started as a defense
for two innocents accused
of being bad snipers
turned into a found-footage film
about the murder of our mentor.
[OLIVER'S CAR "APHRODITE" ROARS]
[STREET SOUND STOPS]
[TAWNY] Look. Did we murder?
Sure.
We murdered the rules
of narrative storytelling.
But nothing more.
[CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[FANFARE PLAYING]
[OLIVER PUTNAM] You know, I almost
proposed to Loretta in LA,
- and then I didn't.
- Why not?
[OLIVER] One failed marriage,
who hasn't been there?
Two failed marriages?
People start asking questions.
I can't believe that you
thought I killed your friend.
I can't even kill this
moderate to severe case
of bacterial conjunctivitis.
Sazz called Bev Melon
and said that there was
a problem on the movie,
and right after that, she was shot!
Someone on the movie killed Sazz
to keep this problem a secret.
[BEV MELON] The most brilliant
directing team, the Brothers!
These three should be
in the photo shoot, too. [LAUGHS]
It's just that the timing. I'm just
saying in order for it to happen,
that would mean someone
shot from the West Tower,
came all the way over here,
cleaned up the crime scene,
and disposed of the body,
all in 12 minutes?
How am I doing?
- It's been 38 minutes.
- What?!
What is this I'm standing on?
It feels like fly paper.
It's a tacky mat.
[MABEL MORA] And that tacky mat matches
the one from Dudenoff's apartment.
The killer was up at
the production offices,
which means they're probably
at the photo shoot.
♪
It wasn't one person who
did the murder. It was two.
One to shoot and one to clean up.
You're totally right.
They could've done this.
Where's the other Brother sister?
[MUSIC SWELLS]
- [GUNSHOT]
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[HOWARD MORRIS]
Oh, my God, they've been shot!
[SCREAMS FADING OUT]
What you are about to see
is a testimony of the accused,
but in our native language,
the language of
film.
The footage is sourced from many
different angles, cameras, and lenses
to give a multi-dimensional perspective,
as only cameras can, of the truth.
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
Tawny and I got our first camera
at 9 years old.
- [YOUNG TRINA] Action.
- [LOUD THUD]
[TAWNY BROTHERS] A Sony DCR-VX1000.
We saved all our money,
but it wasn't enough.
So we stole it.
♪
Our aesthetic lived at
the intersection of
voyeurism and body horror.
♪
For whatever reason,
we didn't fit in in high school.
- [CAFETERIA CHATTER]
- [BROTHERS SISTERS CHIRPING, COOING]
[STUDENT] So weird!
[CHIRPING AND COOING CONTINUES]
No.
[TRINA BROTHERS]
Then we met our film professor,
and our lives were changed.
He said what made us weird
would make us successful.
All we had to do was
[PROFESSOR] Keep shooting.
If there's one thing you take
away from my class, it's this.
Take your camera and cover
the world and capture it all.
And never, never censor yourself.
Never look away.
Unless it's an eclipse or Medusa,
or that time that I stapled
your exams to my shirt.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
No, but seriously.
Keep it rolling.
- [CLICK, CAMERA WHIRRING]
- Even when it's chaotic.
Because chaos can be good.
Chaos
can be art.
We really took that to heart.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [CROWD SCREAMING]
[HOWARD] Oh God, they've been shot!
- [HOWARD WHIMPERS]
- [MABEL] Oliver!
- [HOWARD THUDS]
- [OVERLAPPING SCREAMING]
[PANICKED CHATTER]
- Get me the fuck outta here!
- [CREW MEMBER] It came from over there!
[PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES]
- There! Right there!
- [SHUTTER SNAPS]
It's Glen, he's still alive!
Which Oliver is that?
- Uh Zach?
- [ZACH GROANING]
- They got me in my fat!
- [MABEL] Okay.
- [ZACH WHIMPERING]
- Here.
Here, put pressure on it. Oliver!
[SCREAMING, PANICKED CHATTER CONTINUES]
- Is it over?
- [CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE] He's okay!
[QUIRKY, PRETENTIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAWNY] Act one. The Inciting Incident.
- [PANICKED CHATTER, STREET NOISE]
- [OLIVER] Taxi!
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
[OLIVER] Drive, drive!
Take us to the Upper West Side.
Anywhere but the hell that is SoHo.
- Are those guys gonna be okay?
- They have to be.
I can't have anyone else
die because of us.
- [HOWARD] Oh, my God!
- Did you guys see Tawny
when the shot was fired?
No, no. All I saw was my life
flash before my eyes.
- Oh, I was a beautiful boy.
- [HOWARD] Mm-hmm.
Talented, even then.
Innocent,
and oh-so very good. [SNORTS]
[HOWARD] So what's inside your heads?
You thinking Tawny took that shot?
[GASPS] Oh! You think
it was meant for Oliver?
If it was, that means
the shot that killed Sazz
could've been meant for me,
and who knows?
[TRAFFIC NOISE, CARS HONKING]
- Mabel could be next.
- [HOWARD GASPS]
[DRAMATIC] So you're all the target!
[MABEL] Howard, why are you filming us?
[HOWARD] Well, I'm the on-set
documentarian-slash-talent liaison.
I was told to never stop rolling
by the, um, by the Brothers Sisters.
The killers? Get out of this cab!
[HOWARD] We're not even in Midtown!
Wait, wait, you know what?
I'll work for you. Fuck
the Brothers Sisters.
If anything happens to you,
this will be evidence for the police.
Okay, fine. Keep filming.
But, uh, but, favor my left side.
Slightly higher angles.
- [HOWARD] Okay
- And no profiles!
- [HOWARD] Oh boy.
- [MABEL SIGHS]
Why would the Brothers Sisters
jeopardize their own
film to kill Oliver?
It doesn't make any sense.
It makes perfect sense.
We just can't make sense of it.
[PANTING]
Oh look, it's my famous neighbors
who have ruined the building.
[OLIVER] Uma, step aside.
I'm in a lunging mood.
Look at this. Because of you,
they've installed cameras everywhere
in case we're murdered.
Can't cut a fart or steal a newspaper
anymore without being watched.
Get the fuck away from me.
Nobody around here
shoots the right people.
We need to get somewhere safe.
Well, seeing as someone
was killed in your apartment,
and the shot came from mine,
I'm feeling Oliver's.
Yes, m-mine's the least murdery.
Also, I have the most
comfortable furniture.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- If the shooter doesn't kill me,
Charles' stiff sofa will.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
- Ah.
- [BUTTON CLICKS]
[WHISPERS] Murderers in the building.
- Hit the close button.
- [OLIVER] I am! I am.
- [BUTTON CLICKING]
- [MABEL] Hurry, Oliver!
[CHARLES] Press it all you
want, but most close buttons
haven't been operational
since the Americans with
Disabilities Act of 1990.
Charles, we could die at any moment.
- Please make your fun facts funner!
- [SUPER 8 CAMERAS WHIRRING]
[LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[VOCALIZING]
[THEME SONG FADES OUT]
- [PROJECTOR WHIRRING]
- [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
- Oh God, the sisters are in the building!
- [HOWARD] Ow!
And eerily calm!
Are they toying with us?
[OLIVER] I don't I don't know.
- [PHONE DINGS]
- It's like killer whales and their prey.
Though, technically, killer
whales aren't really whales.
[OLIVER] Funner!
[HOWARD] Are you okay, Oliver?
You seem upset.
- I seem upset?
- [HOWARD] Mm-hmm.
I seem upset?!
Oh, I don't know.
I guess because I almost died today!
Oh, my God.
- I almost died today.
- [HOWARD] Mm
[GLASS BOTTLE CLANKING, CORK POPPING]
And as I was lying
there, completely fine
- between two bleeding people
- [LIQUID POURING]
all I could think of was Loretta.
Why am I living another moment
without the love of my life by my side?
[HOWARD] Oh, hello.
[OLIVER] I Look, I-I'm
just one big tub of regret.
[CHARLES] How about
a big tub of bourbon?
- [HOWARD GRUMBLES]
- How about you, Charles?
What are your regrets?
Me?
- Nothing, really.
- [OLIVER] You have regrets.
I'll start you off. That ad
campaign you did for saccharine.
- [HOWARD] Hm.
- Flashing that weird look
whenever I give you
the opportunity to pick up the bill.
[MABEL] The moment you
fell in love with Jan.
- [HOWARD] True.
- [CHARLES] Hey!
She turned us on to Baked by Melissa,
and we love that place!
Oh, well that totally makes up
for all the serial killing.
- Although those cinnamon rolls are good.
- [HOWARD] Yeah.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
[OVERLAPPING PANICKED YELLING]
- [MABEL] Oh my gosh
- [PANICKED MUMBLING]
She just called from downstairs.
- Come on, guys. What did I say?
- [HOWARD] Oh, thank God.
I had one request. One fuckin' request!
Do not let anything happen
to Galifianakis!
Someone is trying to kill us,
Detective! Kill me!
As someone that's wanted to kill you
for the past three years,
- I understand.
- [HOWARD] Rude.
[MABEL] How are Zach and Glen?
Well, Stubbins is stable
but unconscious.
The bullet struck the plate in his head
and deflected to Gali-fine-akis,
but don't worry. It did not
hit any of his organs, oh no.
That lucky piece of
adorable comedy man-meat.
- What is this? What's happening?
- [HOWARD] Just pretend I'm not here.
Yeah, nah, that's not happening.
Shut that shit off.
- Shut that shit off.
- [SNAPS MONITOR]
You oughta go upstairs and
arrest the Brothers Sisters.
Tawny wears boots
that match the footprint
found in Dudenoff's apartment.
[EXCITED] The exact same boots?!
Yes! So Oh, you're playing with me.
[NORMAL] Listen, I need more than
similar footwear to get a warrant.
Well, I saw Tawny carrying a long
black case right before the shooting.
It's possible the murder
weapon is in there.
[EXCITED] Then, find it!
Okay Ugh, you did it again.
- Don't forget I'm hiding one here, too.
- [SUPER 8 WHIRRING]
Don't need to see my sister
whacking off after hours.
Would give our film the NC-17
we've been waiting for.
- [CLICK, CAMERA STOPS]
- Huh.
Listen, also, my little squatter,
Dudenoff? Not in Portugal.
Nope. He's been cashing
social security checks
at a bodega on 125th Street.
- Dudenoff's back in New York?
- [DETECTIVE DONNA WILLIAMS] Mm-hmm.
And he was here around
the time Sazz died.
He has to have
something to do with this.
Well, what's Dudenoff have to do
with the Brothers Sisters?
Come on, Brothers Sisters, Dudenoff,
Freddy, Chucky, Jigsaw. I don't
give a fuck. The bottom line is
there is someone
definitely after you guys,
so you all might wanna consider
moving to fuckin' Portugal.
[TEXT DINGS]
Oh. They want me to report
back to the crime scene.
Apparently, someone
else has also spotted
your [SCOFFS] escaped ex, Jan Bellows,
back in the city.
And lucky me, they want me on it.
Oh! Uh
Charles, this is for you.
This is Sazz Pataki's remains.
I don't know. I thought it would be nice
for her to be with you as opposed to,
you know, on some shelf
in an evidence warehouse.
Oh. I
I'll add these to my mason jar.
Thank you.
Listen, guys, don't all be heroes, okay?
I really do not feel like
identifying your parts.
- Do you hear me?! The fuck?!
- [OVERLAPPING YESES]
Howard, would you turn off
the camera, please?
[HOWARD] Sure. I mean, you make content
out of other people's grief, but
Right. Sorry.
- [PHONE DINGS]
- Oh!
Bev Melon just called an emergency
production meeting upstairs.
- [OLIVER] Do we go up there?
- No!
We stay away from the sisters
and get outta town!
No, we can't run. We need to learn
why the Brothers Sisters
are wanting us dead.
- [OLIVER] Uh, jealous of my talent?
- [HOWARD] Oh yeah.
[OLIVER] You know,
Rob Reiner once cut my brakes,
Thelma-and-Louise-ing
me into the Potomac
and stole The Princess Bride from me.
Charles, what if we go upstairs,
but Howard keeps filming us?
That'll keep us safe.
[HOWARD] Good idea.
No one's ever killed on camera.
Don't google "someone killed on camera".
We solve the case, save our lives,
and avenge Sazz.
Fine. I'll go up and
look for that rifle case,
but keep the camera rolling.
[HOWARD] Ooh! I get to save the day.
With our lives on the line,
it's a race against the clock
to solve the case
and get justice.
[HOWARD] You're supposed
to ignore the camera.
It loves me. That would be wrong.
- [MABEL] Putnam!
- [HOWARD AND OLIVER YELP]
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- [PRODUCTION OFFICE CHATTER]
[TRINA] You're here!
- We have so many questions.
- [HOWARD] I got it.
One, has the closeness of death
made you feel more alive?
- Absolutely.
- [CHARLES] Uh-huh.
Uh, uh, careful. Cameras.
We have cameras.
[HOWARD] Trina, Tawny, I'm back working
for them, but it is not a big deal.
It is nothing to murder about.
[WHISTLES] Okay, everyone!
Circle around!
Circle around.
- Come on in.
- [SUPER 8 WHIRRING]
[CLAPPING]
- [HOWARD] Sorry.
- Um, I'm sure all of you may have heard
about our little "firearms moment"
at the photo shoot,
but I'm here to assure
you that, number one,
the police are on it, number two,
it will not affect the production one
- [CLATTERING]
- [MARSHALL THUDS]
- I'm so sorry!
- [BEV] Oh, God. So annoying.
Okay, where was I? Um
Yes, I just came back from the hospital,
and Zach has asked me to send all
of you a little tiny message saying,
- "The show must go on!"
- Whoo!
I told her I wanted out of the film.
Then, she threatened to sue me.
- [MACHINES BEEPING]
- Then, she pulled the tube
out of my arm and sucked the pain meds
out of the IV bag
like a fuckin' Capri Sun!
Oh, yes, and now Heather, um, please,
I need you to all sign a waiver
releasing me of all liability.
She'll give you pens,
if we could do that.
And I'm feeling just a little bit tired,
so I'm gonna take a quick cat nap.
Snappy little nap.
[QUIETLY] There's the rifle case.
Zoom, zoom!
- [HOWARD] Okay, okay.
- [CHARLES] Enhance!
[HOWARD] Huh?
- Did you get it?
- [HOWARD] I zoomed.
I'm gonna go check on Marshall.
Get some dirt on the Brothers Sisters.
Good idea. Spill the tea on 'em.
Wait, no, that's not It's this
What is it? It's something like
No, but it's close. I-It's
like a-a tea and spilling.
Uh, no. Uh, this is gonna drive me nuts.
- Spill the tea on 'em!
- Bingo!
- Yeah, yeah. Spill the tea.
- Spill tea on 'em.
- Nailed it.
- Yeah.
- Hey. How you holding up?
- Hey.
Um, you know, two people got shot,
and we're supposed to act
like nothing happened.
How's Oliver?
You know, people think
the killer was going after him.
- This is so crazy.
- It is.
The only ones who don't
seem that thrown off are
The twins.
I mean, above their normal
baseline level of off.
You think they're suspects? Wow.
I'm not surprised actually.
Have you seen their student film?
[OLIVER HUMMING]
Ah, yes. Yeah.
- [MUFFLED PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [HUMMING CONTINUES]
[CHARLES] Oliver, hurry up!
We started the movie.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING ON COMPUTER]
- What'd I miss?
- [CHARLES] So much.
It's weird.
It's called The Desecration of Alice.
It's about an elderly artist
and identical twin sisters
that he made out of clay,
and they came to life.
- It was a whole thing in the first scene.
- [CHIP CRUNCHING]
[DRAMATIC] And as he is their
creator, so they do his bidding.
[NORMAL] They make
that point very clear.
And there's some kind of
anti-sugar message.
[AVANT GARDE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[IN UNISON] Yes, creator.
We will do your bidding.
- [SHARPENING KNIVES]
- Say the word, and we'll spoil our blade
in the flesh of your enemies.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Go! Spill some blood in my name, girls.
[MUSIC SWELLS]
[WIND WHISTLING]
[CHARLES] Vince Fish?!
- [TAWNY] Act two. The Rising Action.
- [QUIRKY STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
[OLIVER CLEARS THROAT, SNIFFS]
[VINCE FISH] [MUFFLED] Visitors!
- [CHARLES] Hey Oh.
- Hey, hey!
[CHARLES] Wasn't your pink eye
on the other side last
time we were here?
It hops. Come on in.
Rudy and I are just
playing with our new toy.
[MOUTHING] Hops?
We got it at this estate
sale for this old lady.
She was at that stop at the transverse,
minding her own business
[VINCE] Then, bam!
Decapitated by the side-view
mirror of the M86 bus.
- [VINCE] Bam!
- The bus didn't even stop
'cause it was pretty full, and there
was another one right behind it.
- [HOWARD] Oh, my God.
- On the bright side, we got a drone!
- [DRONE BUZZING]
- [LAUGHS] It's working!
- And it's a camera drone.
- [VINCE] So what's with the camera?
[HOWARD] Oh, we're
just shooting a little
behind-the-scenes footage for the movie.
[VINCE] I love the movies!
I lost my hand! I lost my bride!
- [CHARLES AND RUDY] Johnny has his hand!
- Johnny has his hand!
- [ALL THREE] Johnny has his bride!
- [OLIVER GIGGLES EXCITEDLY]
And then Cher Bono
says, "Snap out of it!"
[LAUGHING]
It's from Moonstruck, Mabel.
You really should see it.
Yeah, I think I've seen enough.
- Ah.
- Um, we also saw another movie recently.
The Desecration of Alice.
- I was in that.
- [OLIVER] We saw.
We didn't realize you were an actor.
Or that you knew the Brothers Sisters.
Oh yeah, we didn't tell you?
Yeah, w-we all took
classes with Dudenoff.
[RUDY THURBER] At different times.
[MABEL] So, he was your ?
Film professor. I wasn't
much of an actor.
You know No, no, no,
I was just doing him a favor.
He said I had "desecrator vibes",
- but this guy, this guy
- [RUDY LAUGHS]
Mr. Spielberg movie.
[SIGHS] Catch Me If You Can.
I play an agent in Tom Hanks' office.
- [OLIVER] Oh!
- At the 1:07 mark,
you can see me in the far right
cubicle making a phone call.
- [OLIVER] Really?
- Yeah, and then he got up
and walked to the bathroom!
But Leo DiCaprio had it cut.
Too threatened.
Also, I kept looking in the lens.
Okay, so there is a connection
between the Brothers
Sisters and Dudenoff.
Oh yeah, he really made them.
I mean, they were his favorites.
Not ours. He would invite
them to Oh Hell nights,
and they would be kissing his ass.
[MOCKING] "We don't love our
daddy. Be our daddy, Dudy".
[NORMAL] They would do anything for him!
[VINCE] Alright, Rudy, alright.
Come on, stop dwelling.
- It's beneath you. Come on.
- Thank you.
Come on, help me pry open the window,
so we can take our drone
on its maiden voyage.
[WHISPERS] Did you hear that?
Dudenoff made them. He gave them life.
[WHISPERS] So they do his bidding,
just like in their movie.
Oh, my God. Did they murder for him?
- [HOWARD] Ooh, puppet master.
- Guys, guys, we should slow down.
We still don't even know
why they would want us dead.
I think we should finish watching
The Desecration of Alice
before we base our
entire theory around it.
Great, you do that. I'm phoning Loretta
while I still feel the fleeting
nature of my existence.
She should be wrapping the set by now.
Also, it's after 5:00, so it
won't affect my rollover minutes.
Yeah, that hasn't been
a thing for, like, 15 years.
- Really?
- [WINDOW RATTLING]
But, no one told me. I've been
so precious with my minutes.
[TAPPING ON WINDOW]
Charles, are you coming?
I still wanna look
inside that rifle case.
But it's in the office. How will you
get in there without being shot?
- [VINCE] There we go!
- Through the window.
- [CARS HONKING OUTSIDE]
- That's, like, 15 stories up.
[DRONE WHIRRING]
[CHARLES] Oh, don't worry about that.
- [BUZZING]
- [HOWARD YELPS]
I have friends in high places.
- [DRONE HUMMING]
- [VINCE AND RUDY LAUGHING]
[HOWARD] I'm rolling.
Do you think you could get a look
inside the Brothers Sisters' office
- without anyone noticing?
- Oh yeah.
Absolutely.
I am stealth.
I am the African leopard
on the Serengeti.
Quiet, cunning, precise.
I always knew those sisters were sickos.
They'd film dying animals,
they'd set things on fire,
and when they eat an apple,
they eat the whole thing.
The seeds. The stem.
- That little sticker.
- [VINCE] Ugh. They're nuts.
Well, I had an aunt who
ate cantaloupes like apples,
and a scientist got a grant
to study her teeth.
- Wow, that's somethin'.
- [RUDY] Mm.
Okay, come on.
- We have lift-off.
- [DRONE BUZZING]
[RUDY] Oh, go easy on the upward thrust.
- [VINCE] I got it. I got it.
- [RUDY] Huh?
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- I got it.
Hey, guys? D-Do you have any idea
why the Brothers Sisters
might dislike me or Oliver or, or Mabel?
Oh, who knows anything with those two.
[RUDY] Come on, halfway there.
I hear Dudenoff's back in town.
- What? What?!
- What? No. He can't be.
- Where did you hear that?
- You must be mistaken.
Dudenoff wouldn't come into
town without saying hi.
[DRONE BUZZING]
- Vince, watch out!
- [VINCE] I got it!
- I got it! I got it! I got it
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
[THUD, CLATTERING]
- [CHARLES GROANS]
- I don't got it.
[UMA HELLER] [FROM BELOW]
What the fuck?!
[LINE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
[LINE RINGING, ANSWERING]
Loretta! Uh,
before you say anything, um
something happened today
and it got me thinking and regretting
things that I haven't done.
And I-I need to admit something.
In LA,
I was gonna propose to you.
And I choked. [STAMMERING]
I'm an idiot.
So, I wanna spend whatever
time I have left with you.
What do you say?
[LORETTA DURKIN] [ON PHONE] Ugh
Okay
Well, y-you take it in.
I've said it. You've heard it.
And so
[LORETTA] Ugh!
[CLICKS TONGUE] Well
[HANG UP BEEPING]
- [ASSISTANT DIRECTOR] Okay, quiet on set.
- [DIRECTOR] Let's go again.
- [SOUND MIXER] Sound speed.
- [DIRECTOR] Remember, you've been burned
- both physically and emotionally.
- [LORETTA] Uh-huh. Uh Ugh!
[ASSISTANT DIRECTOR] Apple mark.
[AVANT GARDE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[MABEL] Well, I finished
The Desecration of Alice.
I was hoping for more clues,
but all I got is a deep fear of sugar.
How'd it go with the drone?
I'd say "crash and burn" sums it up.
Ditto with me and Loretta.
I said I regretted not proposing,
and she went, "Ugh!"
Was it a
[SURPRISED] huh?
[NORMAL] Or more of a
- [DISAPPOINTED] ugh?
- The second one.
- Sorry.
- Oh, it's our friends.
Guess who's accessorizing?
Gravey's new collar
[GRAVEY SNIFFING]
[HOWARD] is a doggy cam.
She's a doggy spy.
- I'm a cadaver dog.
- [GRAVEY BARKS]
- [CHARLES] No, no, no, no, no!
- [ALL GASP]
- Oh, Gravey that's my friend!
- [OLIVER] Oh, my God!
- [MABEL] Oh shit, Gravey!
- [CHARLES AND OLIVER] Oh!
- [OLIVER] Bad Gravey!
- [HOWARD] She is not bad.
She is doing her job
at being a cadaver dog
and being absolutely adorable.
Yes, you are. You're a good girl.
Howard! Bad!
[GRAVEY SHAKING]
[CHARLES] Sazz's replacement joints.
[OLIVER] Here's her left shoulder.
Thank you. Oh, no, it's not.
- Yeah. See? It says "left".
- No, this one says "left".
In Bulgarian.
I learned that when I dubbed
Brazzos episodes for Macedonia.
So, there's two left shoulders?
- [HOWARD] What?
- Who has two left shoulders?
Guys
Sazz's body wasn't the
only one in the incinerator.
- [OLIVER GASPS]
- Which means
[HOWARD] What?
There was another
murder in the building.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
- [QUIRKY STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TAWNY] Act three. The Climax.
Well, okay. Sazz told Jan there was
another murder in the building,
and she was right! This was it!
So, what if Dudenoff killed someone,
put them in the incinerator,
and then when we started podcasting
about murders in the building
[CHARLES] Dudenoff went into hiding.
But, he still needed someone
to stop us investigating.
So he got the Brothers Sisters
to do his bidding.
[HOWARD] They spoiled their blades
in the flesh of their enemies!
- Yeah.
- [CHARLES] They tried to kill me,
but they got Sazz instead. They
put her body in the incinerator,
just like Dudenoff's first victim.
Exactly! It's all so simple.
Guys, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
- Well, it doesn't make no sense.
- [MABEL TEXTING]
I'm texting the serial number of this
second shoulder to Williams.
See if she can ID the person
- that was killed.
- [SENDS TEXT]
[CHARLES] Okay, let's see.
How do we get the Brothers
Sisters to confess?
- [HOWARD] Hm
- How do we get them to conf
Howard! Point that somewhere else!
I can't think with that in my face!
- [HOWARD] Okay.
- I agree! It's unnerving being filmed.
- [HOWARD] Oh.
- Turn it off, Werner Herzog.
- [HOWARD SIGHS]
- That's it.
We go on the offense.
We turn the tables and
the camera on them!
See how they like it!
We throw them off balance,
so they just spill the tea everywhere!
- In the rugs and places.
- [OLIVER] Right.
- [TEXT DINGS]
- Ooh!
- [GROWLS]
- [MABEL] Is everything okay?
Oh, no, no, it's fine. I
just thought it might be
from Loretta, but it's
from Carpets USA offering me
a promo code for a free rug pad.
[HOWARD] Just because you have regrets,
doesn't mean you can fix all of them.
And if you could send me that
promo code at some point
- [OLIVER GROWLS]
- [MABEL] Oliver, I'm sorry.
No, no, no. it's fine. Listen, i-if
my soulmate doesn't wanna be with me,
I don't wanna be with her.
Come on, let's go
confront our would-be assassins.
I'm gonna get my video camera, too.
- [HOWARD] Ooh, is it digital?
- [OLIVER] VHS.
- [HOWARD] Retro.
- [MABEL SIGHS]
- Are you okay?
- Uh
Turns out, I do have a regret.
If our podcast really
did get Sazz killed,
I'd never forgive myself.
We're gonna solve this case.
We have to solve this case.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- [SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[OLIVER] Now, where's that zoom button?
[CHARLES] [WHISPERS] Okay, let's go.
- [AUDIO WARBLES]
- [SUPER 8 CAMERA WHIRRING]
[NORMAL] Cameras down, ladies.
It's time for us to ask the questions,
and you to buckle
- under the gaze of a lens.
- [SHOES STICKING]
- [OLIVER] What's wrong with this thing?
- [TRINA] Are we suspects?
- [TAWNY] Oh, we have to film this.
- [AUDIO WARBLING]
[CHARLES] Where were you the night
Sazz Pataki was murdered?
We were here in the Arconia.
- What?
- You were?
[TRINA] We came to visit a friend.
- And that friend was Milton Dudenoff.
- [TAWNY] Yes.
- Admit it!
- [TRINA] She just did.
So, you were in his
apartment that night?
[TRINA] Yes. We got in using
the password he always used.
- His favorite card game.
- [HOWARD] Oh Hell?
Exactly, but upside down.
Seven-seven-three-four-four-zero.
Yeah, we know.
- Keep it moving, sister.
- Dudenoff was your film professor,
and you were his star pupils.
As he was your creator,
so you do his bidding!
[TAWNY] Of course.
[MABEL] Even kill?
[AVANT GARDE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [STUDENT 1] Ugh. Creepy!
- [STUDENT 2] So disturbing.
[STUDENT 3] Is it too
late to drop his course?
[TAWNY] Professor Dudenoff was
the first person who
ever believed in us.
[DUDENOFF] Well, those students were
pretty upset by your film.
Ignore the critics and
just keep shooting.
- Okay? Wait
- [TRINA SIGHS]
These are for you.
Professor Dudenoff,
you're giving us your Super 8s?
Well, my bones are too creaky
to lug those things
around anymore. Uh
How can we ever repay you?
- [CAMERAS WHIRRING]
- [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAWNY] He was our
mentor. Our everything.
So would we kill for him?
- [BOTH] Abso-fucking-lutely.
- [HOWARD GASPS]
[CAMERA WHIRRING]
It's time to take a look
inside that rifle case of yours.
[TEXT DINGS]
Oh, my God. Guys, they just identified
the other left shoulder.
Was it the guy who used to scream
in the lobby about loving Zabar's?
I haven't seen him for ages.
What was his name?
It belongs
- to Dudenoff.
- [GROUP GASPS]
Dudenoff was in the incinerator.
He w He's not in
Portugal or New York.
- Dudenoff was murdered.
- [SISTERS GASP]
- [CAMERAS CLATTER]
- [TRINA] No.
- [MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
- He's dead?
[MABEL] When was the last time
you spoke to him?
Uh, um, i-i-it's been a while.
Three years?
We said we wanted to make
bigger movies to earn
real money. He hated that.
We moved to LA, and he,
he cut off all communication.
It was devastating.
Then, this movie set in the place
he lived came up, and
I mean, it was beneath us, but
We took it. To be close to him.
But still, he didn't answer
our calls. [GASPS]
Now, we know why.
Oh! [QUIETLY SOBS]
[AFFECTED CRYING]
[CHARLES] Well, if
you're not our killers,
why have you been sneaking
around with this rifle case?
- This part is jammed badly. Oh.
- [MABEL] Oliver! Just
[LATCHES CLICKING]
What?
[HOWARD] Huh?
It's a camera case. We've been
making a film within our film,
a behind-the-scenes thing.
We put hidden cameras
in our production office
and in your apartments.
That's an invasion of privacy.
And it's illegal!
Not really.
You gave us permission in the
life rights contract you signed.
[SCOFFS] I seriously
couldn't believe it.
Oh, great. "Don't worry, guys.
Uh, we don't need a lawyer.
- I have signed millions of contracts".
- [OLIVER MUTTERS]
- [HOWARD] Saw that coming.
- [TRINA] Dudenoff always said,
"Keep shooting, and
the story will reveal itself".
He would've been so proud of us. [GASPS]
- [TAWNY WHIMPERS]
- Keep shooting.
- [CAMERA WHIRRING]
- Okay.
We have two murders now.
Who killed Sazz
and who killed Dudenoff?
And who was pretending to be Dudenoff
cashing the checks at the bodega?
We need to look into that.
Oh, my God, that's it!
- [MABEL] What do you got?
- Doug.
The guy who used to love Zabar's,
his name was Doug.
Okay.
- [QUIRKY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [TAWNY] Act four. The Denouement.
[TRINA] You're slaying
that jumpsuit, by the way.
I got it at the Rikers Auction.
Something about being swaddled in
the dried sweat of the imprisoned
sets me free.
[MABEL] Make sure you
get all of the cameras.
[GULPS]
[SIGHS]
[OLIVER] What's this? Oh!
I found another camera!
[CHARLES] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So then
- whose camera is this?
- [PHONE DINGS]
What?
It's from Sazz's phone.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[HOWARD] What?
[PHONE DINGS]
I got one, too.
But this is from five days ago 'cause
I'm wearing my Monday jammies.
[HOWARD] Oh, my God. [GASPS]
[PHONE DINGS]
Not you, too?
- What the fuck?
- [HOWARD GASPS]
These aren't from your cameras?
- No.
- [HOWARD] Oh.
♪
[CHARLES] Alright.
- [CAMERAS WHIRRING]
- The killer is watching us right now.
Oh, they've been watching us.
- For how long?
- [PHONE DINGS]
[TAWNY] This is fucked.
I got the wide shot.
[TRINA] Good.
- I'm watching you.
- [HOWARD GASPS]
[PHONE DINGS]
[HOWARD GASPING]
[PHONE DINGS]
- [GASPS]
- [OLIVER] Okay, okay.
- W-We are not safe in this building.
- [HOWARD] You think?
Charles, you were right. We
have to get out of here now.
[CLATTERS]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [INDISTINCT MUTTERING]
[TRINA] What started as a defense
for two innocents accused
of being bad snipers
turned into a found-footage film
about the murder of our mentor.
[OLIVER'S CAR "APHRODITE" ROARS]
[STREET SOUND STOPS]
[TAWNY] Look. Did we murder?
Sure.
We murdered the rules
of narrative storytelling.
But nothing more.
[CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[FANFARE PLAYING]