Our Zoo (2014) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 I want to build a zoo.
People like us don't do things like this.
What does a man like him want with a place like this, anyway? No talk of zoos or wild animals until the villagers get to know us.
A monkey! It attacked me! What are you people doing here? Trying to build something for my family.
For everyone's family, if you'd let me.
BIRDS CHIRRUP Oh Where did you say you were from, again? Chester Zoo.
Never heard of it.
Not yet, you haven't.
This one? You're not coming? I'll stay here.
Just in case.
Right Ooh.
How far do I need to go? You'll know when you see them.
CREATURE PANTS Huh! GLASS SHATTERS BEAR ROARS ROARING AND GROWLING Well, thenwhat's wrong with the female? She's been like it for months.
Look, I've been approached by a circus - if you're in two minds No, no, no.
I'm not.
How much for the pair? Nothing.
If you can get them down, you can have them.
MONKEY SHRIEKS Shoes, June Mottershead! And what have I said about primates indoors? What do you think, hm? They're not finished yet, but there's plenty more we can do.
Muriel, we're going to be late.
Maybe justtake June this week.
Well, I would, if I could prise her away from that monkey.
It's important to make a good show.
Let people know what kind of family we really are.
Morning, Mother - going somewhere nice? Church.
It seems I'm the sole representative of this entire family of heathens.
Very good.
Dad! Junebug.
Where have you been? You found something, didn't you? First things first, where are them signs I ordered? They're all done.
Some of the paint's still wet, though.
That's fine, but I'm going to need one more.
Listen HE WHISPERS Excited? So what was in Matlock that couldn't wait? Any breakfast going, love? I'm starving ORGANIST PLAYS "ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL" BADLY Thank you for that, Mrs Radler.
What makes a village? A school? A public house? A post office? DOOR OPENING A surgery, perhaps? Good morning, Dr Ford.
What if we took away all the buildings and only the people remained? Would Upton cease to exist then? "Be united in the same mind and the same judgment.
" 1 Corinthians, verse 1, chapter 10.
I put it to you that Upton is our shared history.
Our hopeful future.
It's every one of us.
Mr Pollard.
Mr Fowler.
He's the coming man, our Reverend.
On a short list for the next Bishop of Chester, they say.
Oh.
It's a godsend he came to Upton.
Ever so sorry Barnaby was a late show, Reverend, he was called out first thing.
Are you touring? We've just moved in.
Oakfield House.
The Mottersheads.
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- No, worst luck.
Just Mrs Brenner and a ruptured synovial hinge.
A sprained ankle.
Mrs Mottershead is here! Welcome.
I do hope you've settled into Oakfield.
We're getting there, Reverend.
I got a fleeting glimpse of your son.
He was retrieving his monkey from Mrs Radler's shop.
All my customers are curious to know what it is you intend to do with Oakfield.
It's quite the topic of the day.
A farm, perhaps? Or a guesthouse? Both highly practical suggestions.
Well, if you'll excuse me.
I feel sorry for her - forced to represent that rabble.
KNOCK AT DOOR Knock, knock.
Light bulbs? Try the third drawer down.
George? What are these? I filed those away.
Without reading them first? They're unpaid bills.
Half of them aren't even for us.
SHE CLEARS HER THROA The council always sends hundreds of letters before they do anything drastic.
Now, come here.
Look at this.
Come here! It's wonderful.
You've no idea what it is, have you? SHE CHUCKLES Right, get everyone together.
We're going to do this properly.
Ouch! I'm fine in bare feet.
Can I go back inside now, please? I'm really not interested.
This is the furthest you've ventured out all week.
This way.
Come on! Mother.
Now, I want you to imagine that you are the first-ever visitors to Chester Zoo.
Now, I thought with Mother's years of experience behind a counter Work a toll booth? At my age? Not keen? Well, we'll find you something else.
Plenty to do.
This way! What exactly are we looking at? A pond for flamingos and exotic birds.
I've done a sketch of an aviary as well, with a domed roof.
Looks like a little Taj Mahal.
It's a zoological gardens that we're building, so it's not just about the animals - it's aboutcreating a nirvana.
She's all yours, Dad.
Thank you.
If we're careful about what we group together, we can have a different breed in every one of these stables.
Chimps next to monkeys, next to mandrills andso on and so forth.
Which brings usto our star attraction.
Or should I say attractions? So I get a call from a fellow up at Matlock Bath.
Now, he runs the Pleasure Gardens there.
It seems some bright spark was trying to draw in day trippers so they bought a couple of rare specimens, only they've outgrown their cages.
How rare are we talking? Don't worry - they're totally free of charge.
And they're tame.
They've been handled since they were cubs.
Cubs? They're bears.
Himalayan black bears.
Isn't that the most wonderful thing you've ever heard? Ohuh Listen, love, what you're describing is tough enough without building something capable of holding a couple of black bears.
You're better off knocking the stables down and starting over.
And who's going to do that - you? Why not? I'm as strong as an ox.
Listen.
The female - now, she's suffering.
You bring them back here and there'll be a petition raised in Upton in no time.
Then you can say goodbye to any idea of a zoo.
We need to start small, George.
All those against the idea of bears, say "nay".
Wait a minute Nay.
Nay.
Dad? Abstention.
I vote in favour of the bears.
So do I.
Tough.
Cos the nays have it.
And until such time as England ceases to be a democracy, the majority rules.
ENGINE RUMBLES Have you riddled it? Yes, Lucy, I've riddled it.
Hello! Sorry, the doorbell was broken.
I'm not interrupting, am I? George may have mentioned me.
Katherine Longmore.
Selborne Hall? Yes, of course.
Come in, your ladyship.
Ladyship? You must be George's mother.
For my sins.
Um, may I put this down? It's for you.
It's a moving-in gift.
Where are our manners? Lizzie? BIRDS CHIRRUP SQUAWKING Oh, it's lovely - what is it? Well, it's portable.
I used to take it abroad with me.
There are some records with it to get you started.
Well, this all looks very Hey, now then! George! HE LAUGHS Couldn't keep away? How's the grand design coming along? Any tigers prowling the grounds yet? George! Don't worry, Mother - Katherine's the only one in Upton who knows.
On their way, are they? The more exotic exhibits? We're taking things slowly, m'lady.
Small animals only.
No running before we can walk.
Aye.
BIRD WHISTLES Well, I ought to let you get on with it.
It's been lovely to meet you, ladies.
I'll see myself out.
Well, she's fun, isn't she(?) Well at least there's someone who's excited about the idea of a real zoo.
Hello.
Hello.
TYPEWRITER TAPPING 'Every day at Oakfield, the zoo is growing.
'Our latest additions are Ruby and Lancelot.
'They earn their keep with milk and cheese.
'In fact, Dad says if everyone mucks in, 'there's no reason we can't grow all the food we'll ever need 'once the greenhouse has a lick of paint 'and a few panes of glass replaced.
' What is all this stuff? No, June! No, I don't want you coming in here.
Why? I'm going to clear the brambles in the, erm Lock that back up, Dad, please.
What's wrong? I don't understand.
Oakfield was a hospital during the war.
For injured servicemen.
Like Dad? Yeahjust like your dad.
HORN SOUNDS, DOGS BARK Dad! What's going on? It's the hunt.
June's signs are still out! HORN SOUNDS LOUDLY Come on - that's it June, wait, wait Come on That's it.
DOOR CREAKS HORN BLOWS That's it BARKING GROWS LOUDER June, June.
Morning.
Morning.
The fox went that way.
Hey, this is private property.
People have been hunting this land for generations.
Well, we don't want your lot here anymore.
The horses are ruining everything.
Really? Ruining what, exactly? What business did you say you were in again, Mr Mottershead? I didn't, Reverend.
Morning! SHE GASPS Rather a rude awakening on a Saturday morning, I'm sure.
Oh I know you, don't I? From the auction.
What are you doing hiding in a bush? Visiting Lady Katherine.
We're neighbours.
That still doesn't explain why We haven't met yet.
I'm picking my moment.
Well, she doesn't normally meet many people.
She keeps herself to herself.
Course, I've seen some things, delivering the post.
Oh, yeah? What sort of things? That one's her bedroom window.
And on that lawn, a few months back, I saw this racing plane, a de Havilland Puss Moth, taking off - before sunrise, if you get what I mean.
Really? I happen to know that that plane belonged to Douglas Fairbanks.
It never did! I wouldn't lie, not in this uniform.
No, he climbed out of her bedroom window, got in his plane and flew off.
She's got plenty of male admirers.
The whole village talks about her - when they're not talking about your family, that is.
SHE GASPS CAWING Oh JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS Most of the house is under dust covers.
I confine myself to a handful of rooms - it wouldn't do to create too much work for the staff.
Not when there's just me.
Did you shoot those? Oh, no! I despise trophy hunters.
I've only ever shot anything once.
A lion.
But that was only because it was charging our tent.
It was either him or me.
Where were you? Kenya.
For three years, give or take.
Have you travelled much? I went to Birmingham once.
How old are you, Muriel? 18.
On Saturday.
Oh! Well, you must come back and we can celebrate.
Have you ever had a Mimosa? Just you wait Do you think the female bear will die, trapped in that cave? I hope not.
But if she's unwell Go to sleep, don't think about it.
You can save them, Dad.
I know you can.
Wellhe's not in the stable block, and he's not in the study, either.
He must have gone.
Gone? Gone where? Matlock would be my guess.
After everything I said.
How on earth is he going to manage it? Never mind that - it's what happens if he ever brings those bears home you want to worry about.
Albert, I'm going to need you to feed the animals.
Yeah, Mew can give me a hand.
Pardon me? Please, love.
I've got to get a grip on that paperwork.
There's a mountain of it sitting in there unopened.
Leave all that to me.
Lucy, I appreciate that, but It's fine.
I'll get my pens.
Stand back, the stationery is coming out! SHE CHUCKLES Right.
First rule of double-entry book-keeping.
Debit columns on the left, credit on the right Lucy, I appreciate you trying to help me, but this is my house, for the first time in my life.
Oh, I realise that, love.
But you've hardly made it homely, have you? Well, I'm trying.
I'm sure you are.
It's just hard for me to sit by and watch you making so many mistakes.
What mistakes? With the girls.
Have you even started looking for a school for June yet? She's running wild.
And Mew's answering back.
Her birthday's coming up, she'll be 16.
Are you even planning on marking that? Of course I am.
You can't deny that when we lived above my shop, this family ran like clockwork.
Dare I say, when I was in charge.
Now, George will want us to get everything ready for his perusal so he can make the decisions when he gets back.
I'm making the decisions in his absence.
Don't be ridiculous.
My house! My rules.
Right.
Well Let's see how well you fare on your own.
It's the taste sensation sweeping America.
Go on, try some.
No? It's butter, made out of peanuts.
Honest to God.
They originally used it to get protein into old folks without teeth.
But today, anyone can enjoy it, gnashers or not! Madam? No? I'll try some, young man.
Oh, ermwise move, sir.
Here you go.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT NERVOUSLY Mmm, eh? Ugh! Agh HE SPLUTTERS MUFFLED: Sorry It's like wallpaper paste.
You're telling me, I've got ten cases of it.
What you doing here, anyway? I'm looking for someone with a sense of adventure.
And a very big van.
KNOCKING You rang, m'lady? I hope you realise your own son's treating you like a fool.
That's not true and you know it.
We've grafted our whole lives - for what? We've given it all up for this place and it isn't even ours.
Lizzie runs this house.
Ah - now we're getting down to brass tacks.
Oh, it's all right for you - you've got that bloody greenhouse! I was the lynchpin of my community for 45 years.
A shopkeeper, a homeowner.
And it's all gone.
Look, I know everything's been thrown up in the air, but this is our life now, and there's no going back.
And I, for one, like it here.
You couldn't possibly! It's the truth.
I've got the sun on my back.
I've got a purpose.
If you want a job, ask Lizzie.
SCOFFING: I've already told her.
I said "ask", not "demand".
She desperately needs help about the house.
You could start with that stove.
Only don't expect her to beg you.
I'll be taking my meals in my room from now on.
Well, be careful you don't starve to death, because I won't be waiting on you hand and foot - I'm too busy.
Where's my thimble? MONKEY CHIRPS You little devilgive it back! BLEATING Right, ready? This is Dad's job.
Quickly.
Fetch the stool.
Come on.
Come on.
Now, don't worry, Mew - she won't bite.
Actually this one might - hurry up.
Dad wraps his thumb and his forefinger round the bottom part.
Do you want to come and do it? Yes, please.
June, stay there.
Now, Mew, try squeezing with your middle finger first.
SHE SIGHS IN EXASPERATION Now your little finger Nothing's happening.
Smoother motions.
I don't even know what I'm Eh! There you go.
See? You're a natural.
Don't pull too hard, now.
Oh! GOAT BLEATS It's a right bugger to find, this place.
George ordered these fellas a week or so back.
Is he around? He's out on business.
Can I help? A guinea for the lot, including carriage.
Payment on delivery, George said.
Did he, now? BIRDS TWEE Ta very much.
This will have to do until we sort out an aviary.
PELICAN HONKS Oh! He does that a lot.
He's probably hungry.
What What have you been feeding him? I don't run a bed and breakfast, love.
He's had water and made do.
Urgh! How could Dad leave us in the lurch like this? Argh! I hate this place! OhMew! Oh! She'll come round.
You do what you need to.
I can handle this lot.
What would I do without you, eh? Oh, give over.
Oh! Oh Which one of you did that? Bears? They're meat-eaters, right? You're telling me.
I've had to feed them out of the cafe catering budget all summer.
We'll have to wait, move them at night.
At night? We'll break our necks trying to get them down here at night.
I've got paying customers all over the park during the day.
I can't have one of them being mauled.
Oh, and they'll cost ã10 each, by the way.
Now, come on, what are you trying to pull? You said that they were free.
That were a week ago.
Price just went up.
Where are we going to get ã20? Come on, George, let's just go.
Oh, no, wait till you see them.
Come on.
You won't be saying that then.
Can I help? Um We just moved to Upton and we haven't kept up the payments for connection to the sewerage.
Business or domestic? Well, it is domestic, but we're planning on opening a business.
Then you need the forms for a change of use.
Come with me, let's see if his nibs is in.
No.
Erm, yes, yes, Councillor.
Of course.
Yes, say no more.
Got a problem? He's talking to you now.
WellI was just enquiring Quick, little lady, I've not got all day.
Change of use forms.
What kind? From a private residence to a zoological garden.
LAUGHING: That's a bloody ridiculous idea.
Well, I think we need a lunch meeting to discuss it, don't you? Change of use, you say? It's you again.
Yes.
Please.
Frankie can get the forms for you.
Get your husband to fill them out and get them back to us sharpish.
Planning committee meets quarterly, so if he doesn't hit the deadline then he'll have to hold fire for three months.
You can stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Did you actually say that to him? HE GUFFAWS He's a charmer, isn't he? You'll need this one and these four.
And this one has to be filled in in triplicate.
Just tell the planning board exactly what the premises will be used for, and go into as much detail as you can - they love detail.
I did hear right, didn't I? Zoological gardens? As in animals? Yes.
I thought I'd dealt with every business under the sun.
That's ityou ready? Yep.
Right then, follow me.
BEAR SNORES BEAR GRUNTS Tie a loop in the end of that, will you, Bill? Now, I'm sure that I read somewhere that a tame bear is happy to be led.
BEAR GROWLS Here you go.
Don't worry, we're going to take them down one by one.
Like a pair of dogs.
A couple of big dogs.
BEAR GRUNTS Right.
You ready? Yep, yep.
Bring that rope over here.
There we go.
OK.
Get it round his neck.
That's it, that's it.
Not too tight.
Yes, OK.
Not too tight, not too tight, that's it, that's it.
Now, just gently, over there.
BEAR GROWLS Over that way.
No, no, no.
BEAR GROWLS Stay there, stay there.
Just be careful.
BEAR GROWLS Billy, what are you doing? Billy! Get out here.
I'm fine where I am, thank you.
BEAR GRUNTS I'll be back.
You're not leaving me? Billy, I need to come up with a new plan.
I need to find ã20 for Lacey, and something the female fancies eating.
No sudden movements - let him get used to your voice.
Ah BEAR GRUNTS DISCORDANT ORGAN MUSIC HE LAUGHS Mrs Radler It's a pity her talent doesn't match her enthusiasm.
I don't know, I can definitely hear Handel in there somewhere.
Ah, a music lover.
I was.
Until my piano fell off the back of a removal van.
Oh, shame.
I remember that study had a wonderful acoustic.
My late wife's family owned Oakfield.
I had no idea.
Well, her brother inherited it, lost everything in the crash.
Reverend, I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, don't be.
It was never mine.
And after all is said and done, it's just a house.
You know you should feel free to use the organ any time you choose.
The church is always open.
That's kind, but Chester Council's keeping me busy at the moment.
Really? DISSONANT CHORD ORGAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY Oh! I should go.
See you soon.
I hope.
DEEP SQUEAKING SOUND BIRD CAWS DEEPLY Are you sure I give it the whole fish? Tail and all? That's what is says, Grandad.
Was this Lizzie's idea?! What's up, love? Feeling a bit peckish? BIRD CAWS "Describe proposed building works, extensions or modifications" SNORING # Me and my shadow Strolling down the avenue Hey, where have you been? Chip shop.
I've sung him every bleedin' song I know! You hungry? I had to wake the fella up at the post office - get Lizzie to wire some money to the bank.
What's wrong with the telephone? I didn't want to get drawn into a discussion about it.
Avoiding my sister's wrath, eh? I know the feeling well, my friend.
Lizzie not sold on this, then? She'll come round.
You know what you want to do, don't you? You want to make her feel like she's in charge.
Hey, that's brilliant.
Well, what can I say? I know women.
Look at him - he's out of his cage, he's free to escape, but he's staying put.
Because of her.
So? If we lead her down, I'm sure he'd follow.
Yeah, we'll make it her idea to leave.
We'll wait till first light.
I thought Lacey said that Never mind what Lacey said.
We'll be halfway home by the time he opens up to the public.
So am I right in thinking that's the aquarium? No.
That's the aquarium there.
THAT is the reptile house.
Dad put it by the greenhouse because they both need to be warm.
Mm.
He's no fool, is he? He's put the gate in the wrong place, though.
Do you think? People should come in from the front to get a better view of the house.
And the aviary - it's much too grand the way he's got it.
We should be using the gazebo somehow.
Don't you think you should just leave it the way Dad drew it? Not if it can be improved upon.
Anyway, time for bed, go on.
I'll be up in a minute.
Right.
MECHANICAL CLICKING Careful, Archibald! If someone was coming in you'd knock them flying.
It's a telegram, Mother.
You've got to get it there fast, that's the whole point.
Get it where? Oakfield House.
I can't.
I might lose my job.
Show me.
Right, then.
BEAR MOANS BEAR GRUNTS Come on, then.
Time to go.
BEAR GRUNTS There you go.
BEAR GRUNTS So it's these you want, is it, Billy? BEAR GRUNTS Billy! That's it.
Billy Billy! BEAR GROWLS Chips! Put your chips into the corner.
That's it, that's it.
BEAR GROWLS Come on, then.
That's it, there we go.
BEAR MOANS Here we go.
Come on, big fella.
Come on.
That's it, we're on the move.
Make sure those paths are clear, Bill! Right.
Come on, then.
That's it, that's it Come on.
SLOW JAZZ MUSIC "Strengthen small stable, stop.
Six inch bolts minimum, stop.
"Wire 20 pounds care of" What? MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING NEARBY Where am I supposed to find that sort of money? He's got a nerve! Mew, I can't hear myself think! What do you reckon, can we fix the small stable in time? The roof is as rotten as a pear.
Then we'll have to convert the bigger one.
Erm, he didn't want that one touched, love.
Well, he's not here, is he?! It's my decision, Albert.
Blame me.
(Lizzie) HE CLEARS HIS THROA What do we owe you? No charge.
Much obliged.
Oh! Sorry to disturb, but I've been asked to clear this footpath.
It's for scientific reasons OK, I'll level with you.
It's bears.
Two of them.
Bloody huge.
BEAR GROWLS Hurry, darling.
That's it.
Come on.
BEAR GROWLS (There we go.
) BEAR GROWLS (Come on.
) Come on, then.
Come on, then.
That's it.
Come on, then.
Come on, then.
You ready, Bill? Yep, yeah.
Come on.
Come on, girl.
BEAR WHEEZES Come on.
Come on, girl.
There we go.
What's she waiting for? Well, she's just got out of one cave, she doesn't want to walk straight into another.
Come on.
I've run out of food.
Come on.
Come on, then.
That's it.
Come on.
That's it, come on.
That's it.
Go on, in there, go on.
Go on, go on.
There you go.
That's it.
There you go.
That's it, come on, fella.
Come on.
It's good for something at least.
Right, quick.
Are you ready? Quickly.
Well done! That'll be ã20please.
Hold tight.
I'll be right back.
MONKEY CHATTERS SHE GROANS That bloody monkey's had the butter knife! Your dad's not going to be happy about this No? All right, er Oh! Yes Now these are something a bit special.
American.
Hand-painted.
He's done a runner, your mate.
No, no, he'll be back.
Look at that.
What does a tie like this say about a man like you? It says "Yes, sure, I'm a pioneer.
Deal with it!" Feel the fabric on that.
Go on, go on Oh, here, told you he'd be back.
All right, Georgie, everything OK? Hand it over, then, let's get on with it.
Billy .
.
Lizzie didn't send the money.
I'm still waiting.
Right, so here's how we're going to play this.
You're going to give me these two bears for free.
Free? Why would I do that? Because if you don't, I'm going to open up the back of my colleague's van here and let two wild animals chew up half your clientele.
How does that sound? You wouldn't dare.
He would.
DOOR CLATTERS Fine, keep 'em! Archie, go on.
What else? He also asked them to wire him ã20.
Reinforcing stables, getting money sent at short notice I thought you said this was urgent.
It is! Mrs Mottershead ripped the telegram up.
Don't you see? Even his own family are against whatever he's planning.
And he means to charge admission.
Admission? You mean to the public? I saw a sign on their land marking an entrance for a pay gate.
Sorry! Mrs Emerson's sciatica.
Did I miss anything? Reverend, what are we going to do? Nothing.
Nothing?! Until there's concrete proof he's acting irresponsibly, there is nothing to be done.
But he'll make a mistake.
Men like him always do.
What are you doing? Well, it's good as new, son.
I told you, Dad, not to go in there! It was too much work to fix the small one up in the time we had.
Well, this was all your idea, I suppose, is it? Excuse me? Eh? As well as ignoring my telegram.
I didn't ignore it, I ripped the bloody thing up, if you must know.
Who do you think you are, sending telegrams with demands for money that we haven't got? Come on.
That's it.
BEAR GROWLS I might have known he'd be involved.
What are you doing? Don't get him out! We have to, love, all right? He'll hurt himself otherwise.
Keep June back.
Back! Back! Back.
Billy, after three.
One, two, three Dad.
Stay there! You ready? Come on, then.
Come on.
BEAR GROWLS That's it, come on.
Come on.
HE WHISTLES That's it, come on, then.
Come on.
Here we go Ah-ah-ah-ah.
There we go.
Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
Sh, sh.
That's it.
Dad.
BEAR WHEEZES She needs a vet.
No.
No, she'll be fine once we feed her up.
Well, you got them all the way here, you don't want to lose them now.
I know what I'm doing, Lizzie.
She's She's safe now.
Mew, have you had my compact again? Sip it.
I don't want to get into trouble with your father.
He'd hardly notice.
He only cares about his zoo.
It's no small feat, you know, attempting to build something like that.
Here we are I'm third from the left.
What is it? The Countess of Ellesmere's debutantes ball.
I was your age.
Every eligible bachelor in London was there.
You look stunning.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
Life beginning.
Oh, that shouldn't be here.
Who's that? No-one.
DOOR OPENS I, erm HE CLEARS HIS THROA I'm sorry for upping and leaving.
Right? I've been trying to sort things out without you here, but nothing's ever good enough for you, is it? No, no, that That is not true.
It's just I've got this place in my head so clearly.
What is all this? There's a deadline.
We need to register for change of use.
I'm outlining how the zoo is going to work as a business.
It's got my name on that.
Apparently it's got to come from you.
God forbid a woman could fill in a form(!) What do you mean, outline it? You can't do this without me.
They're based on your ideas the ones I could decipher.
Give it to me.
I'm not finished.
Lizzie! I want to read it now.
Well, you'll have to wait.
DOOR SLAMS ENGINE RUMBLES CAR DOOR CLOSES GIGGLING What's happened to her? Entirely my fault.
Too much champagne.
Champagne? She's just a child for pity's sake.
She said she was 18 today.
She's 16 tomorrow.
Oh, dear.
Well, she seemed so mature.
I am mature Whatever will her parents say? Never mind about that, but next time she comes calling, m'lady, kindly send her away.
She's not used to the antics of the civilised classes.
Thank you very much, I can manage now.
Are you going to tell Mum? I won't if you won't.
I don't belong here.
I think we've got to make the best of it, my girl .
.
whether we like it or not.
MAN SNORING Dad.
Dad, look.
Thank you.
They're perfect.
Happy Birthday.
I made it, and Mortimer filled it with gifts.
What sort of gifts? My compact! I've been looking for that.
JUNE GIGGLES Oh, look.
I wondered where that had got to.
Look at that.
Where's he been keeping these things, June? JUNE GIGGLES It's wild, I found it in the back paddock.
Many happy returns, love.
They were my mother's.
She gave them to me when I was 16.
I thought it was about time you had them.
Thank you.
You feeling all right, love? You look a bit pale.
She looks fine to me.
Perhaps you'd like to go to church with your grandmother this morning.
And you, June.
How is she? Out of the van at least.
I still think she needs attention but George won't hear of it.
I've finished.
Wipe your hands first, please.
It might not be what you had in mind, but it means we can open as a business and stand a chance of making a good go of things.
BEAR WHEEZES BELLS CHIME Go on, June, you'll be all right.
Excuse me, Dr Ford? Yes.
I need to talk to you about a member of our family.
What do you think? You don't mind it then? When I got to the part about the aviary how we can convert the gazebo, add netting, save money and still have the space that the birds need to fly around, I realised then .
.
that I'm a bloody idiot.
You're not.
Oh, I am.
You're my wife, love.
I should know that you understand what's in my head.
You made order out of chaos.
Andyou were right about the stables too.
You see, they were full of medical equipment, you know, beds, crutches.
It just took me back.
Albert cleared it.
It's all right now, George.
Not quite, but I'm getting there.
Dad, what are you doing? It's all right, son.
You can trust me, Mr Mottershead.
Hippocratic oath and all that.
Your father tells me the patient is a family relation? Not exactly But you keep her out here? Poor woman.
BEAR WHEEZES Good Lord.
Well, tell me about their diet.
Emroots and berries, but I'm not sure how much of that stuff they've been getting.
I wonder if it's possible for a bear to get scurvy.
That would certainly explain the listlessness.
What's that? Ascorbic acid.
Any ideas how one administers Vitamin C to a bear? Morning, class.
ALL: Good morning, Reverend Webb.
Now, we have a new member.
June Mottershead.
June, why don't you stand up and tell us all about yourself? You could start with where you live.
Oakfield House, isn't it? With your father and your mother And Mew, Gran and Grandad.
And Mortimer.
Who's Mortimer? My monkey.
GIGGLING Now, children, that's enough.
We remember our manners, especially in front of new friends.
A monkey.
How splendid.
He's my favourite.
Your favourite? So there are others? Why don't you tell us about all of them? We've only just begun.
We've got Ruby and Lancelot, they're goats, and Sidney, he's a camel.
And the bears.
Did you? Did you say bears? Yeah? Slowly.
What do we owe you, Dr Ford? I'd actually appreciate if we kept this off the books.
People in Upton might not like to know I treat man and beast.
Though it certainly beats dealing with yet another case of onychocryptosis.
Ingrown toenail.
Thank you.
They're remarkable, George.
They've already moved a couple of man-eaters in there.
You know, this sort of thing can end a career, Ronald.
What do you mean? Well, if anyone were to get hurt and it came out that you'd done nothing about an unlicensed zoo Best kill off the whole venture now before it gets started.
Wellif you think it's for the best.
You and all these animals, June, honestly.
This zoo, it's an enormous undertaking, but it brings with it rich rewards, it'll be like nothing you've seen We don't want your suburban safari! 'I'll make this place so impressive, 'they'll have no choice but to like it.
' What's in the van? Dad!
People like us don't do things like this.
What does a man like him want with a place like this, anyway? No talk of zoos or wild animals until the villagers get to know us.
A monkey! It attacked me! What are you people doing here? Trying to build something for my family.
For everyone's family, if you'd let me.
BIRDS CHIRRUP Oh Where did you say you were from, again? Chester Zoo.
Never heard of it.
Not yet, you haven't.
This one? You're not coming? I'll stay here.
Just in case.
Right Ooh.
How far do I need to go? You'll know when you see them.
CREATURE PANTS Huh! GLASS SHATTERS BEAR ROARS ROARING AND GROWLING Well, thenwhat's wrong with the female? She's been like it for months.
Look, I've been approached by a circus - if you're in two minds No, no, no.
I'm not.
How much for the pair? Nothing.
If you can get them down, you can have them.
MONKEY SHRIEKS Shoes, June Mottershead! And what have I said about primates indoors? What do you think, hm? They're not finished yet, but there's plenty more we can do.
Muriel, we're going to be late.
Maybe justtake June this week.
Well, I would, if I could prise her away from that monkey.
It's important to make a good show.
Let people know what kind of family we really are.
Morning, Mother - going somewhere nice? Church.
It seems I'm the sole representative of this entire family of heathens.
Very good.
Dad! Junebug.
Where have you been? You found something, didn't you? First things first, where are them signs I ordered? They're all done.
Some of the paint's still wet, though.
That's fine, but I'm going to need one more.
Listen HE WHISPERS Excited? So what was in Matlock that couldn't wait? Any breakfast going, love? I'm starving ORGANIST PLAYS "ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL" BADLY Thank you for that, Mrs Radler.
What makes a village? A school? A public house? A post office? DOOR OPENING A surgery, perhaps? Good morning, Dr Ford.
What if we took away all the buildings and only the people remained? Would Upton cease to exist then? "Be united in the same mind and the same judgment.
" 1 Corinthians, verse 1, chapter 10.
I put it to you that Upton is our shared history.
Our hopeful future.
It's every one of us.
Mr Pollard.
Mr Fowler.
He's the coming man, our Reverend.
On a short list for the next Bishop of Chester, they say.
Oh.
It's a godsend he came to Upton.
Ever so sorry Barnaby was a late show, Reverend, he was called out first thing.
Are you touring? We've just moved in.
Oakfield House.
The Mottersheads.
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- No, worst luck.
Just Mrs Brenner and a ruptured synovial hinge.
A sprained ankle.
Mrs Mottershead is here! Welcome.
I do hope you've settled into Oakfield.
We're getting there, Reverend.
I got a fleeting glimpse of your son.
He was retrieving his monkey from Mrs Radler's shop.
All my customers are curious to know what it is you intend to do with Oakfield.
It's quite the topic of the day.
A farm, perhaps? Or a guesthouse? Both highly practical suggestions.
Well, if you'll excuse me.
I feel sorry for her - forced to represent that rabble.
KNOCK AT DOOR Knock, knock.
Light bulbs? Try the third drawer down.
George? What are these? I filed those away.
Without reading them first? They're unpaid bills.
Half of them aren't even for us.
SHE CLEARS HER THROA The council always sends hundreds of letters before they do anything drastic.
Now, come here.
Look at this.
Come here! It's wonderful.
You've no idea what it is, have you? SHE CHUCKLES Right, get everyone together.
We're going to do this properly.
Ouch! I'm fine in bare feet.
Can I go back inside now, please? I'm really not interested.
This is the furthest you've ventured out all week.
This way.
Come on! Mother.
Now, I want you to imagine that you are the first-ever visitors to Chester Zoo.
Now, I thought with Mother's years of experience behind a counter Work a toll booth? At my age? Not keen? Well, we'll find you something else.
Plenty to do.
This way! What exactly are we looking at? A pond for flamingos and exotic birds.
I've done a sketch of an aviary as well, with a domed roof.
Looks like a little Taj Mahal.
It's a zoological gardens that we're building, so it's not just about the animals - it's aboutcreating a nirvana.
She's all yours, Dad.
Thank you.
If we're careful about what we group together, we can have a different breed in every one of these stables.
Chimps next to monkeys, next to mandrills andso on and so forth.
Which brings usto our star attraction.
Or should I say attractions? So I get a call from a fellow up at Matlock Bath.
Now, he runs the Pleasure Gardens there.
It seems some bright spark was trying to draw in day trippers so they bought a couple of rare specimens, only they've outgrown their cages.
How rare are we talking? Don't worry - they're totally free of charge.
And they're tame.
They've been handled since they were cubs.
Cubs? They're bears.
Himalayan black bears.
Isn't that the most wonderful thing you've ever heard? Ohuh Listen, love, what you're describing is tough enough without building something capable of holding a couple of black bears.
You're better off knocking the stables down and starting over.
And who's going to do that - you? Why not? I'm as strong as an ox.
Listen.
The female - now, she's suffering.
You bring them back here and there'll be a petition raised in Upton in no time.
Then you can say goodbye to any idea of a zoo.
We need to start small, George.
All those against the idea of bears, say "nay".
Wait a minute Nay.
Nay.
Dad? Abstention.
I vote in favour of the bears.
So do I.
Tough.
Cos the nays have it.
And until such time as England ceases to be a democracy, the majority rules.
ENGINE RUMBLES Have you riddled it? Yes, Lucy, I've riddled it.
Hello! Sorry, the doorbell was broken.
I'm not interrupting, am I? George may have mentioned me.
Katherine Longmore.
Selborne Hall? Yes, of course.
Come in, your ladyship.
Ladyship? You must be George's mother.
For my sins.
Um, may I put this down? It's for you.
It's a moving-in gift.
Where are our manners? Lizzie? BIRDS CHIRRUP SQUAWKING Oh, it's lovely - what is it? Well, it's portable.
I used to take it abroad with me.
There are some records with it to get you started.
Well, this all looks very Hey, now then! George! HE LAUGHS Couldn't keep away? How's the grand design coming along? Any tigers prowling the grounds yet? George! Don't worry, Mother - Katherine's the only one in Upton who knows.
On their way, are they? The more exotic exhibits? We're taking things slowly, m'lady.
Small animals only.
No running before we can walk.
Aye.
BIRD WHISTLES Well, I ought to let you get on with it.
It's been lovely to meet you, ladies.
I'll see myself out.
Well, she's fun, isn't she(?) Well at least there's someone who's excited about the idea of a real zoo.
Hello.
Hello.
TYPEWRITER TAPPING 'Every day at Oakfield, the zoo is growing.
'Our latest additions are Ruby and Lancelot.
'They earn their keep with milk and cheese.
'In fact, Dad says if everyone mucks in, 'there's no reason we can't grow all the food we'll ever need 'once the greenhouse has a lick of paint 'and a few panes of glass replaced.
' What is all this stuff? No, June! No, I don't want you coming in here.
Why? I'm going to clear the brambles in the, erm Lock that back up, Dad, please.
What's wrong? I don't understand.
Oakfield was a hospital during the war.
For injured servicemen.
Like Dad? Yeahjust like your dad.
HORN SOUNDS, DOGS BARK Dad! What's going on? It's the hunt.
June's signs are still out! HORN SOUNDS LOUDLY Come on - that's it June, wait, wait Come on That's it.
DOOR CREAKS HORN BLOWS That's it BARKING GROWS LOUDER June, June.
Morning.
Morning.
The fox went that way.
Hey, this is private property.
People have been hunting this land for generations.
Well, we don't want your lot here anymore.
The horses are ruining everything.
Really? Ruining what, exactly? What business did you say you were in again, Mr Mottershead? I didn't, Reverend.
Morning! SHE GASPS Rather a rude awakening on a Saturday morning, I'm sure.
Oh I know you, don't I? From the auction.
What are you doing hiding in a bush? Visiting Lady Katherine.
We're neighbours.
That still doesn't explain why We haven't met yet.
I'm picking my moment.
Well, she doesn't normally meet many people.
She keeps herself to herself.
Course, I've seen some things, delivering the post.
Oh, yeah? What sort of things? That one's her bedroom window.
And on that lawn, a few months back, I saw this racing plane, a de Havilland Puss Moth, taking off - before sunrise, if you get what I mean.
Really? I happen to know that that plane belonged to Douglas Fairbanks.
It never did! I wouldn't lie, not in this uniform.
No, he climbed out of her bedroom window, got in his plane and flew off.
She's got plenty of male admirers.
The whole village talks about her - when they're not talking about your family, that is.
SHE GASPS CAWING Oh JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS Most of the house is under dust covers.
I confine myself to a handful of rooms - it wouldn't do to create too much work for the staff.
Not when there's just me.
Did you shoot those? Oh, no! I despise trophy hunters.
I've only ever shot anything once.
A lion.
But that was only because it was charging our tent.
It was either him or me.
Where were you? Kenya.
For three years, give or take.
Have you travelled much? I went to Birmingham once.
How old are you, Muriel? 18.
On Saturday.
Oh! Well, you must come back and we can celebrate.
Have you ever had a Mimosa? Just you wait Do you think the female bear will die, trapped in that cave? I hope not.
But if she's unwell Go to sleep, don't think about it.
You can save them, Dad.
I know you can.
Wellhe's not in the stable block, and he's not in the study, either.
He must have gone.
Gone? Gone where? Matlock would be my guess.
After everything I said.
How on earth is he going to manage it? Never mind that - it's what happens if he ever brings those bears home you want to worry about.
Albert, I'm going to need you to feed the animals.
Yeah, Mew can give me a hand.
Pardon me? Please, love.
I've got to get a grip on that paperwork.
There's a mountain of it sitting in there unopened.
Leave all that to me.
Lucy, I appreciate that, but It's fine.
I'll get my pens.
Stand back, the stationery is coming out! SHE CHUCKLES Right.
First rule of double-entry book-keeping.
Debit columns on the left, credit on the right Lucy, I appreciate you trying to help me, but this is my house, for the first time in my life.
Oh, I realise that, love.
But you've hardly made it homely, have you? Well, I'm trying.
I'm sure you are.
It's just hard for me to sit by and watch you making so many mistakes.
What mistakes? With the girls.
Have you even started looking for a school for June yet? She's running wild.
And Mew's answering back.
Her birthday's coming up, she'll be 16.
Are you even planning on marking that? Of course I am.
You can't deny that when we lived above my shop, this family ran like clockwork.
Dare I say, when I was in charge.
Now, George will want us to get everything ready for his perusal so he can make the decisions when he gets back.
I'm making the decisions in his absence.
Don't be ridiculous.
My house! My rules.
Right.
Well Let's see how well you fare on your own.
It's the taste sensation sweeping America.
Go on, try some.
No? It's butter, made out of peanuts.
Honest to God.
They originally used it to get protein into old folks without teeth.
But today, anyone can enjoy it, gnashers or not! Madam? No? I'll try some, young man.
Oh, ermwise move, sir.
Here you go.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT NERVOUSLY Mmm, eh? Ugh! Agh HE SPLUTTERS MUFFLED: Sorry It's like wallpaper paste.
You're telling me, I've got ten cases of it.
What you doing here, anyway? I'm looking for someone with a sense of adventure.
And a very big van.
KNOCKING You rang, m'lady? I hope you realise your own son's treating you like a fool.
That's not true and you know it.
We've grafted our whole lives - for what? We've given it all up for this place and it isn't even ours.
Lizzie runs this house.
Ah - now we're getting down to brass tacks.
Oh, it's all right for you - you've got that bloody greenhouse! I was the lynchpin of my community for 45 years.
A shopkeeper, a homeowner.
And it's all gone.
Look, I know everything's been thrown up in the air, but this is our life now, and there's no going back.
And I, for one, like it here.
You couldn't possibly! It's the truth.
I've got the sun on my back.
I've got a purpose.
If you want a job, ask Lizzie.
SCOFFING: I've already told her.
I said "ask", not "demand".
She desperately needs help about the house.
You could start with that stove.
Only don't expect her to beg you.
I'll be taking my meals in my room from now on.
Well, be careful you don't starve to death, because I won't be waiting on you hand and foot - I'm too busy.
Where's my thimble? MONKEY CHIRPS You little devilgive it back! BLEATING Right, ready? This is Dad's job.
Quickly.
Fetch the stool.
Come on.
Come on.
Now, don't worry, Mew - she won't bite.
Actually this one might - hurry up.
Dad wraps his thumb and his forefinger round the bottom part.
Do you want to come and do it? Yes, please.
June, stay there.
Now, Mew, try squeezing with your middle finger first.
SHE SIGHS IN EXASPERATION Now your little finger Nothing's happening.
Smoother motions.
I don't even know what I'm Eh! There you go.
See? You're a natural.
Don't pull too hard, now.
Oh! GOAT BLEATS It's a right bugger to find, this place.
George ordered these fellas a week or so back.
Is he around? He's out on business.
Can I help? A guinea for the lot, including carriage.
Payment on delivery, George said.
Did he, now? BIRDS TWEE Ta very much.
This will have to do until we sort out an aviary.
PELICAN HONKS Oh! He does that a lot.
He's probably hungry.
What What have you been feeding him? I don't run a bed and breakfast, love.
He's had water and made do.
Urgh! How could Dad leave us in the lurch like this? Argh! I hate this place! OhMew! Oh! She'll come round.
You do what you need to.
I can handle this lot.
What would I do without you, eh? Oh, give over.
Oh! Oh Which one of you did that? Bears? They're meat-eaters, right? You're telling me.
I've had to feed them out of the cafe catering budget all summer.
We'll have to wait, move them at night.
At night? We'll break our necks trying to get them down here at night.
I've got paying customers all over the park during the day.
I can't have one of them being mauled.
Oh, and they'll cost ã10 each, by the way.
Now, come on, what are you trying to pull? You said that they were free.
That were a week ago.
Price just went up.
Where are we going to get ã20? Come on, George, let's just go.
Oh, no, wait till you see them.
Come on.
You won't be saying that then.
Can I help? Um We just moved to Upton and we haven't kept up the payments for connection to the sewerage.
Business or domestic? Well, it is domestic, but we're planning on opening a business.
Then you need the forms for a change of use.
Come with me, let's see if his nibs is in.
No.
Erm, yes, yes, Councillor.
Of course.
Yes, say no more.
Got a problem? He's talking to you now.
WellI was just enquiring Quick, little lady, I've not got all day.
Change of use forms.
What kind? From a private residence to a zoological garden.
LAUGHING: That's a bloody ridiculous idea.
Well, I think we need a lunch meeting to discuss it, don't you? Change of use, you say? It's you again.
Yes.
Please.
Frankie can get the forms for you.
Get your husband to fill them out and get them back to us sharpish.
Planning committee meets quarterly, so if he doesn't hit the deadline then he'll have to hold fire for three months.
You can stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Did you actually say that to him? HE GUFFAWS He's a charmer, isn't he? You'll need this one and these four.
And this one has to be filled in in triplicate.
Just tell the planning board exactly what the premises will be used for, and go into as much detail as you can - they love detail.
I did hear right, didn't I? Zoological gardens? As in animals? Yes.
I thought I'd dealt with every business under the sun.
That's ityou ready? Yep.
Right then, follow me.
BEAR SNORES BEAR GRUNTS Tie a loop in the end of that, will you, Bill? Now, I'm sure that I read somewhere that a tame bear is happy to be led.
BEAR GROWLS Here you go.
Don't worry, we're going to take them down one by one.
Like a pair of dogs.
A couple of big dogs.
BEAR GRUNTS Right.
You ready? Yep, yep.
Bring that rope over here.
There we go.
OK.
Get it round his neck.
That's it, that's it.
Not too tight.
Yes, OK.
Not too tight, not too tight, that's it, that's it.
Now, just gently, over there.
BEAR GROWLS Over that way.
No, no, no.
BEAR GROWLS Stay there, stay there.
Just be careful.
BEAR GROWLS Billy, what are you doing? Billy! Get out here.
I'm fine where I am, thank you.
BEAR GRUNTS I'll be back.
You're not leaving me? Billy, I need to come up with a new plan.
I need to find ã20 for Lacey, and something the female fancies eating.
No sudden movements - let him get used to your voice.
Ah BEAR GRUNTS DISCORDANT ORGAN MUSIC HE LAUGHS Mrs Radler It's a pity her talent doesn't match her enthusiasm.
I don't know, I can definitely hear Handel in there somewhere.
Ah, a music lover.
I was.
Until my piano fell off the back of a removal van.
Oh, shame.
I remember that study had a wonderful acoustic.
My late wife's family owned Oakfield.
I had no idea.
Well, her brother inherited it, lost everything in the crash.
Reverend, I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, don't be.
It was never mine.
And after all is said and done, it's just a house.
You know you should feel free to use the organ any time you choose.
The church is always open.
That's kind, but Chester Council's keeping me busy at the moment.
Really? DISSONANT CHORD ORGAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY Oh! I should go.
See you soon.
I hope.
DEEP SQUEAKING SOUND BIRD CAWS DEEPLY Are you sure I give it the whole fish? Tail and all? That's what is says, Grandad.
Was this Lizzie's idea?! What's up, love? Feeling a bit peckish? BIRD CAWS "Describe proposed building works, extensions or modifications" SNORING # Me and my shadow Strolling down the avenue Hey, where have you been? Chip shop.
I've sung him every bleedin' song I know! You hungry? I had to wake the fella up at the post office - get Lizzie to wire some money to the bank.
What's wrong with the telephone? I didn't want to get drawn into a discussion about it.
Avoiding my sister's wrath, eh? I know the feeling well, my friend.
Lizzie not sold on this, then? She'll come round.
You know what you want to do, don't you? You want to make her feel like she's in charge.
Hey, that's brilliant.
Well, what can I say? I know women.
Look at him - he's out of his cage, he's free to escape, but he's staying put.
Because of her.
So? If we lead her down, I'm sure he'd follow.
Yeah, we'll make it her idea to leave.
We'll wait till first light.
I thought Lacey said that Never mind what Lacey said.
We'll be halfway home by the time he opens up to the public.
So am I right in thinking that's the aquarium? No.
That's the aquarium there.
THAT is the reptile house.
Dad put it by the greenhouse because they both need to be warm.
Mm.
He's no fool, is he? He's put the gate in the wrong place, though.
Do you think? People should come in from the front to get a better view of the house.
And the aviary - it's much too grand the way he's got it.
We should be using the gazebo somehow.
Don't you think you should just leave it the way Dad drew it? Not if it can be improved upon.
Anyway, time for bed, go on.
I'll be up in a minute.
Right.
MECHANICAL CLICKING Careful, Archibald! If someone was coming in you'd knock them flying.
It's a telegram, Mother.
You've got to get it there fast, that's the whole point.
Get it where? Oakfield House.
I can't.
I might lose my job.
Show me.
Right, then.
BEAR MOANS BEAR GRUNTS Come on, then.
Time to go.
BEAR GRUNTS There you go.
BEAR GRUNTS So it's these you want, is it, Billy? BEAR GRUNTS Billy! That's it.
Billy Billy! BEAR GROWLS Chips! Put your chips into the corner.
That's it, that's it.
BEAR GROWLS Come on, then.
That's it, there we go.
BEAR MOANS Here we go.
Come on, big fella.
Come on.
That's it, we're on the move.
Make sure those paths are clear, Bill! Right.
Come on, then.
That's it, that's it Come on.
SLOW JAZZ MUSIC "Strengthen small stable, stop.
Six inch bolts minimum, stop.
"Wire 20 pounds care of" What? MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING NEARBY Where am I supposed to find that sort of money? He's got a nerve! Mew, I can't hear myself think! What do you reckon, can we fix the small stable in time? The roof is as rotten as a pear.
Then we'll have to convert the bigger one.
Erm, he didn't want that one touched, love.
Well, he's not here, is he?! It's my decision, Albert.
Blame me.
(Lizzie) HE CLEARS HIS THROA What do we owe you? No charge.
Much obliged.
Oh! Sorry to disturb, but I've been asked to clear this footpath.
It's for scientific reasons OK, I'll level with you.
It's bears.
Two of them.
Bloody huge.
BEAR GROWLS Hurry, darling.
That's it.
Come on.
BEAR GROWLS (There we go.
) BEAR GROWLS (Come on.
) Come on, then.
Come on, then.
That's it.
Come on, then.
Come on, then.
You ready, Bill? Yep, yeah.
Come on.
Come on, girl.
BEAR WHEEZES Come on.
Come on, girl.
There we go.
What's she waiting for? Well, she's just got out of one cave, she doesn't want to walk straight into another.
Come on.
I've run out of food.
Come on.
Come on, then.
That's it.
Come on.
That's it, come on.
That's it.
Go on, in there, go on.
Go on, go on.
There you go.
That's it.
There you go.
That's it, come on, fella.
Come on.
It's good for something at least.
Right, quick.
Are you ready? Quickly.
Well done! That'll be ã20please.
Hold tight.
I'll be right back.
MONKEY CHATTERS SHE GROANS That bloody monkey's had the butter knife! Your dad's not going to be happy about this No? All right, er Oh! Yes Now these are something a bit special.
American.
Hand-painted.
He's done a runner, your mate.
No, no, he'll be back.
Look at that.
What does a tie like this say about a man like you? It says "Yes, sure, I'm a pioneer.
Deal with it!" Feel the fabric on that.
Go on, go on Oh, here, told you he'd be back.
All right, Georgie, everything OK? Hand it over, then, let's get on with it.
Billy .
.
Lizzie didn't send the money.
I'm still waiting.
Right, so here's how we're going to play this.
You're going to give me these two bears for free.
Free? Why would I do that? Because if you don't, I'm going to open up the back of my colleague's van here and let two wild animals chew up half your clientele.
How does that sound? You wouldn't dare.
He would.
DOOR CLATTERS Fine, keep 'em! Archie, go on.
What else? He also asked them to wire him ã20.
Reinforcing stables, getting money sent at short notice I thought you said this was urgent.
It is! Mrs Mottershead ripped the telegram up.
Don't you see? Even his own family are against whatever he's planning.
And he means to charge admission.
Admission? You mean to the public? I saw a sign on their land marking an entrance for a pay gate.
Sorry! Mrs Emerson's sciatica.
Did I miss anything? Reverend, what are we going to do? Nothing.
Nothing?! Until there's concrete proof he's acting irresponsibly, there is nothing to be done.
But he'll make a mistake.
Men like him always do.
What are you doing? Well, it's good as new, son.
I told you, Dad, not to go in there! It was too much work to fix the small one up in the time we had.
Well, this was all your idea, I suppose, is it? Excuse me? Eh? As well as ignoring my telegram.
I didn't ignore it, I ripped the bloody thing up, if you must know.
Who do you think you are, sending telegrams with demands for money that we haven't got? Come on.
That's it.
BEAR GROWLS I might have known he'd be involved.
What are you doing? Don't get him out! We have to, love, all right? He'll hurt himself otherwise.
Keep June back.
Back! Back! Back.
Billy, after three.
One, two, three Dad.
Stay there! You ready? Come on, then.
Come on.
BEAR GROWLS That's it, come on.
Come on.
HE WHISTLES That's it, come on, then.
Come on.
Here we go Ah-ah-ah-ah.
There we go.
Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
Sh, sh.
That's it.
Dad.
BEAR WHEEZES She needs a vet.
No.
No, she'll be fine once we feed her up.
Well, you got them all the way here, you don't want to lose them now.
I know what I'm doing, Lizzie.
She's She's safe now.
Mew, have you had my compact again? Sip it.
I don't want to get into trouble with your father.
He'd hardly notice.
He only cares about his zoo.
It's no small feat, you know, attempting to build something like that.
Here we are I'm third from the left.
What is it? The Countess of Ellesmere's debutantes ball.
I was your age.
Every eligible bachelor in London was there.
You look stunning.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
Life beginning.
Oh, that shouldn't be here.
Who's that? No-one.
DOOR OPENS I, erm HE CLEARS HIS THROA I'm sorry for upping and leaving.
Right? I've been trying to sort things out without you here, but nothing's ever good enough for you, is it? No, no, that That is not true.
It's just I've got this place in my head so clearly.
What is all this? There's a deadline.
We need to register for change of use.
I'm outlining how the zoo is going to work as a business.
It's got my name on that.
Apparently it's got to come from you.
God forbid a woman could fill in a form(!) What do you mean, outline it? You can't do this without me.
They're based on your ideas the ones I could decipher.
Give it to me.
I'm not finished.
Lizzie! I want to read it now.
Well, you'll have to wait.
DOOR SLAMS ENGINE RUMBLES CAR DOOR CLOSES GIGGLING What's happened to her? Entirely my fault.
Too much champagne.
Champagne? She's just a child for pity's sake.
She said she was 18 today.
She's 16 tomorrow.
Oh, dear.
Well, she seemed so mature.
I am mature Whatever will her parents say? Never mind about that, but next time she comes calling, m'lady, kindly send her away.
She's not used to the antics of the civilised classes.
Thank you very much, I can manage now.
Are you going to tell Mum? I won't if you won't.
I don't belong here.
I think we've got to make the best of it, my girl .
.
whether we like it or not.
MAN SNORING Dad.
Dad, look.
Thank you.
They're perfect.
Happy Birthday.
I made it, and Mortimer filled it with gifts.
What sort of gifts? My compact! I've been looking for that.
JUNE GIGGLES Oh, look.
I wondered where that had got to.
Look at that.
Where's he been keeping these things, June? JUNE GIGGLES It's wild, I found it in the back paddock.
Many happy returns, love.
They were my mother's.
She gave them to me when I was 16.
I thought it was about time you had them.
Thank you.
You feeling all right, love? You look a bit pale.
She looks fine to me.
Perhaps you'd like to go to church with your grandmother this morning.
And you, June.
How is she? Out of the van at least.
I still think she needs attention but George won't hear of it.
I've finished.
Wipe your hands first, please.
It might not be what you had in mind, but it means we can open as a business and stand a chance of making a good go of things.
BEAR WHEEZES BELLS CHIME Go on, June, you'll be all right.
Excuse me, Dr Ford? Yes.
I need to talk to you about a member of our family.
What do you think? You don't mind it then? When I got to the part about the aviary how we can convert the gazebo, add netting, save money and still have the space that the birds need to fly around, I realised then .
.
that I'm a bloody idiot.
You're not.
Oh, I am.
You're my wife, love.
I should know that you understand what's in my head.
You made order out of chaos.
Andyou were right about the stables too.
You see, they were full of medical equipment, you know, beds, crutches.
It just took me back.
Albert cleared it.
It's all right now, George.
Not quite, but I'm getting there.
Dad, what are you doing? It's all right, son.
You can trust me, Mr Mottershead.
Hippocratic oath and all that.
Your father tells me the patient is a family relation? Not exactly But you keep her out here? Poor woman.
BEAR WHEEZES Good Lord.
Well, tell me about their diet.
Emroots and berries, but I'm not sure how much of that stuff they've been getting.
I wonder if it's possible for a bear to get scurvy.
That would certainly explain the listlessness.
What's that? Ascorbic acid.
Any ideas how one administers Vitamin C to a bear? Morning, class.
ALL: Good morning, Reverend Webb.
Now, we have a new member.
June Mottershead.
June, why don't you stand up and tell us all about yourself? You could start with where you live.
Oakfield House, isn't it? With your father and your mother And Mew, Gran and Grandad.
And Mortimer.
Who's Mortimer? My monkey.
GIGGLING Now, children, that's enough.
We remember our manners, especially in front of new friends.
A monkey.
How splendid.
He's my favourite.
Your favourite? So there are others? Why don't you tell us about all of them? We've only just begun.
We've got Ruby and Lancelot, they're goats, and Sidney, he's a camel.
And the bears.
Did you? Did you say bears? Yeah? Slowly.
What do we owe you, Dr Ford? I'd actually appreciate if we kept this off the books.
People in Upton might not like to know I treat man and beast.
Though it certainly beats dealing with yet another case of onychocryptosis.
Ingrown toenail.
Thank you.
They're remarkable, George.
They've already moved a couple of man-eaters in there.
You know, this sort of thing can end a career, Ronald.
What do you mean? Well, if anyone were to get hurt and it came out that you'd done nothing about an unlicensed zoo Best kill off the whole venture now before it gets started.
Wellif you think it's for the best.
You and all these animals, June, honestly.
This zoo, it's an enormous undertaking, but it brings with it rich rewards, it'll be like nothing you've seen We don't want your suburban safari! 'I'll make this place so impressive, 'they'll have no choice but to like it.
' What's in the van? Dad!