Out of the Unknown (1965) s01e12 Episode Script
The Midas Plague
1 [theme music plays.]
Mr.
Morrey Anderson to see you, sir.
Thank you, Edward.
Well, Morrey, this won't do.
Won't do at all, will it? Will what, sir? This report from the Ration Office.
- The Ministry of Rations, sir? - Yes, yes.
You fool.
Itâs a report, Morrey, about you.
And it won't do.
You're slipping, Morrey.
And I want to tell you that I won't have it.
You are a Class Seven person and on your way up.
Class Seven consumption, Morrey.
It is your duty as a Class Seven consumer to consume, Morrey, the ration of consumer goods allocated by the state as befits your status.
Well, I do try, sir.
Hmm.
Now you're with us as a radio economist, aren't you? Yes, sir.
And so we treat our radio economists well.
They get rapid promotion.
You're working one and a half day a week, - aren't you? - Yes, sir.
Well, soon you'll be allowed to work maybe three, even four days like myself.
Oh, that would be great, sir.
But not if black marks come from the Ration Office saying that you are lazy, slothful, failing in your duty as a consumer citizen of the state.
But look at my record, sir.
For years Iâve been very good.
I mean, I consumed everything Iâve been told to.
You do not seem to understand, Morrey.
This is no excuse for your present idleness.
We are undergoing a severe economic crisis.
The people of this land are being asked to let out their belts, take their shoulders off the wheel.
They have to eat more, drink more, drive more cars, wear out more clothes and generally enjoy themselves more, and work less.
This country is overproducing.
Our automatic factories, our robots are making much too much of everything and it has to be consumed.
Want not, Morrey, waste not.
But, sir, if we could just cut down on production and underprivileged citizens like myself wouldn't have to eat and drink so much, and live in such big houses, and drive big cars, and wear themselves out enjoying themselves.
But how do you cut down production without destroying the whole system? By programming the robots to use up the goods themselves.
But this is heresy.
Robots are made to work, not to have a good time.
But if we built into them satisfaction circuits What do you know about satisfaction circuits? Well, you see, I have been working on them, sir, but as I am only allowed a day and a half a week-- Iâm telling you, Morrey, you should pay less attention to your work and more attention to enjoying yourself.
Is that clear? Yes, sir.
Edward, show Mr.
Anderson out.
I can show myself out.
Thank you.
Robots are here to serve you.
They open and shut the doors.
Iâm beginning to think, Morrey, that you are heading for a complete nervous breakdown.
[robot hums in agreement.]
Good evening, Henry.
Good evening, sir.
- Good evening, George.
- Good evening, sir.
[George.]
It is the new suite of furniture, sir.
[Morrey.]
But we haven't worn out the other two yet.
Good evening, madam.
Not another one! Yes, another one.
Oh, Morrey, this is too much.
Iâm fed up.
Darling, please.
Not in front of the robots.
Oh, go away.
Go on, go away, all of you, get out! Get out, all of you! Iâm telling you, Morrey, I can't stand it.
I can't.
Iâve tried and I can't.
Oh, shut up.
After all, you married me for better or for worse.
But mother never told me it would be like this.
What does your mother know about lower class life? Living in that little cottage with just one servant? Itâs all your fault, Edwina.
I was all right until I married you.
Then, of course, they doubled the ration and now I have to consume your share because you won't.
Mr.
Wainwright said today-- Mr.
Wainwright! To hell with Mr.
Wainwright.
[clattering.]
Well, you can't live by bread alone.
[books clatter.]
Cake, you mean.
Morrey, if you could give me some kind of love, I could bear all this.
I haven't got time for love, Iâm too busy consuming.
Well, consume me.
Just once, consume me a little.
Time for tea, sir.
Oh, go away, Henry.
[Henry.]
Very good, sir.
You say you're consuming, but you spend all your time in the cellar, working, on satisfaction circuits.
- That's my hobby.
- Itâs work.
And it's criminal to work outside office hours.
A man's entitled to work when he wants to.
Not when he's not consuming his wife.
If you don't start again soon, Iâll leave you.
- Edwina! - Oh.
Tea is served, sir.
Iâm sorry, Henry, I can't face it.
Iâm going out to get drunk.
That he therefore took the said 100 dozen tins of baked beans as part of his ration, and having spiked a hole in each, buried them at the bottom of his garden.
[judge.]
How does the prisoner plead? Guilty, my Lord.
Fourteen days imprisonment with baked beans at every meal.
But I hate baked beans, sir.
Iâll eat anything but baked beans.
- Next, please.
- Not baked beans.
No, no, no, no [counsel.]
Mr.
Morrey Anderson, my Lord.
Morrey! [counsel.]
The prisoner was found drunk in the old city and behaving in a way - likely to cause public unrest.
- [judge.]
In what way? [counsel.]
He burnt his ration book.
- With all the stamps? - Yes, my Lord.
[judge.]
How does he plead? I don't remember.
I was drunk.
How do you plead? Guilty.
Guilty.
Mr.
Anderson, you may think that because you are my son-in-law, I shall deal less harshly with you.
Having married into a privileged class, however, does not give you the right to go about trying to undermine the constitution of the state.
You are hereby reduced from Class Seven consumer to Class Ten, and the privilege of working for your living will be completely taken away from you.
- But, Dad-- - Kindly call me 'my Lord'.
my Lord, I I was all right until I married your daughter.
You will not bring my daughter into this.
I warned her mother against the match.
Well, I wish you'd warned me.
And the court recommends that you be seen by an analyst.
And don't let me see you here again.
Next case.
Iâm leaving.
Leaving? You didn't come home all night.
l I was out on the town.
Itâs obvious now that I mean nothing to you.
Going back to Dad's, are we? Yes.
Good.
Well, Iâm glad.
You don't eat, you don't spend anything, you don't want to go out anywhere.
You go back to your father's, take your Class ten ration card with you.
- Class Ten? - Yes, that's right.
I got drunk last night and he reduced me to the ranks this morning in court.
[exhales.]
You were up before daddy? Yeah.
- Henry.
- Yes, sir.
Load all my wife's junk in her cars.
ln fact, take all her stuff out of my house and dump it at her father's.
- Morrey, he'll have a fit.
- Good.
Let him find out what it's like to be saddled with a member of the proletariat.
Sir, the telephone.
The state analyst is on the line.
He has made an appointment for you.
Why don't you go away and fuse yourself? [low electronic whirring.]
I hate robots.
I hate robots.
I hate robots.
Why do you hate robots? I don't know.
I just hate robots.
When did you really start hating them? I don't know.
Remember, Morrey, you are under the truth gun, you cannot lie.
[sonic whirring.]
Now, when did you start hating robots? You have a great big wart on the end of your nose.
Why don't you like robots? I don't like you either.
I don't like psychiatrists.
I don't like psychiatrists.
They all have warts on the end of their noses.
You know what your trouble is? What? You don't like robots.
Is that what I said under the truth gun? Yes.
You started saying that when you were very young, your father asked you what you wanted for a birthday present.
And you replied Yes, I remember.
A little puppy.
Ah, but when your birthday came, what did he give you? A robot.
A dirty, great robot of my own.
And you said quite violently, âl hate robotsâ, and you went on saying it.
This is the root of your problem.
Of course, it took your marriage to bring it out.
My marriage? What's it got to do with that? My wife hates robots, too.
Ah, but she was brought up differently in a Class Two environment.
She is not used to the sort of life you're expected to lead.
You, you should love robots.
They're there to please you, they do what you tell them to do, and yet you hate them? Look, why don't you put him on the couch, - see if he hates me.
- Machines can't hate.
They can only do what they are programmed to do.
Well, in that case, it's about time somebody programmed them to feel.
- Then they might be worth living with.
- Mr.
Anderson.
No.
They're killing me with activity.
To survive, Iâd have to become as automatic as they are.
Look, I have to see two movies every night, read 12 books a week, drive one car 100 miles, change my clothes for every new activity.
I end up by being more of a machine than they are.
You need a hobby.
- What? Hobby? - Yes.
Hobby.
Well, why not try music, body building and reading poetry? Preferably all at the same time.
[music plays.]
âl shot an arrow into the air.
It fell to Earth, I know not where.
But so swiftly--â I can let myself out.
Come back and see me again next week.
That man is dangerous.
[muffled conversation.]
Hey, you.
Man's best friend, give us another Scotch.
Man's best friend used to be a dog.
Yeah, that-- Now you have got us.
Yeah.
We are man's best friend.
Yeah, that's right.
Gideon, what a name.
Gideon 20.
Well, they are running short of names.
Iâm a third generation robot myself.
We get names like Gideon.
There were 20 of us Gideons manufactured at the factory for bar work.
I was the last one out.
Iâll tell you a story.
Iâm programmed to tell stories, you know.
Well, I will tell you a story.
There was this Englishman, there was this Scotsman and there was this Irishman.
Did they ever build a satisfaction circuit into you? Do you not want to listen to this story? Well, did they? What is a satisfaction circuit? Well, I mean, it Don't you ever feel pleased with what you do? I do what customers tell me to do.
Well, take that bottle of Scotch and pour it down the sink.
[bar goes silent.]
Go on.
Do what I say.
[robotic warning siren.]
[louder siren blares.]
Brother, you're going to get yourself in serious trouble doing a thing like that.
- I don't know why or how.
- Hey, just a minute.
Aren't you the bloke who burned his ration book in here last week? I don't know what came over me then, either.
I think you better come and meet some friends of mine.
Come on.
[muffled chatter in bar.]
[footsteps approaching.]
You're all revolutionaries? That's right, mate.
ln the forefront of any fighting, that's where we are.
And we could use a bloke like you.
Well, you see, Iâm not really very interested in politics.
Iâm just an economics engineer who, you know, doesn't like robots, since his father didn't buy him a little dog.
You're in trouble, Anderson.
Every day your attitude becomes more offensive to the government.
Very soon you'll find yourself using up army equipment in the state controlled wars.
- Using up boots.
- Using up uniforms.
- Using up guns.
- Using up bullets.
And then you'll be dead.
What is it you want me to do? Eliminate the president.
Murder Sir John? Political assassination is not murder.
Well, you see, Iâm not really very good at that sort of thing.
But you have entry to the Ministry, even to his office.
Well, you see, Iâve been barred from working at the Ministry and no one's allowed in his office unless, of course it's very, very important.
You have a reason.
Sir John is not only president, he's also Chief Minister for Economic Affairs.
The sentence of the court was unjust.
According to Ministry Regulations, you have the right to appeal directly to him.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life circling the Earth in Dartmoor V.
Once he's dead, we will come to power.
You will be given many privileges.
You will never have to consume anything again.
Except a lightly boiled egg for breakfast.
A grilled sole for lunch with salad.
A little roast beef in the evening.
Just a little with a half bottle of wine.
ln a little cottage by the sea.
And we'll let you work all week.
Iâm sorry, gentlemen.
I don't think I can go through with it.
- Throw him to the police! - But Iâll tell them everything! Iâll tell, Iâll tell ! They'll never believe you! [counsel.]
Morrey Anderson, that he did cause a riot and disturbance by ordering the said robot bartender, Gideon 20, to pour the said bottle of whisky down down the said sink, of the said bar.
[judge.]
How does he plead? Guilty, my Lord.
Reduced to Class 12, backdated one year.
But, my Lord, if you'd just let me explain-- And ordered to consume seven dozen cases of whisky within 14 days.
my Lord, there is a conspiracy at force-- Silence, you paranoid! - They want to shoot-- - Be quiet! And what is more, I have deposited your wife back upon your front doorstep.
Don't you try to lumber me with your economic problems.
Next case! Itâs this man who refuses to eat baked beans, Your Lordship.
Itâs not the beans I mind, it's the sauce.
I hate the smell.
And what kind of sauce is it, Counsel? Itâs tomato sauce and I can't stand tomato sauce.
[judge.]
Don't they come in any other kind of sauce? No, they do not.
Haven't you ever tasted them? I have never seen one, let alone tasted one.
Kindly produce for me one baked bean.
[counsel.]
Exhibit A, one baked bean, Your Lordship.
Thank you.
Yes.
Well it looks all right to me.
But there are thousands of them and they're all stuck together with tomato sauce! Iâm back.
I know.
How? Just seen your father again.
Oh, no.
Well, what happened this time? [rumbling.]
Mr.
Morrey Andersen, Class 12 ration papers backdated one year.
Class 12 ration papers backdated one year.
Seven dozen cases of whisky to be consumed within 14 days.
New carpets, curtains, sheets, blankets, kitchenware, lawnmowers, bicycles, tennis courts, trampolines, swimming pools, automobiles and an aeroplane.
Use up that lot then or you're in trouble.
Darling? [Morrey.]
Yes, darling? I think Iâll get a divorce.
What? - We are incompatible.
- Well, what about the alimony? Iâm not using your half of your worldly goods every week.
You see what's happening to you? Are you ready to help us now? No.
Go away.
Who was that? Itâs a man who wants me to shoot the Prime Minister.
[sobbing.]
Oh, Morrey, you're mixing with the wrong people.
Look, never mind the weeping.
Come and help me clear this lot up.
And where are we going to put it? We are not going to put it anywhere.
We are going to use it up.
Like this! And like this! Oh, Morrey, Iâm going upstairs.
Iâve got a headache.
Well, make sure you take at least 100 tablets.
And use all the powders, and use all the milk.
Make sure you use it up.
Use it all up.
Psst.
- What are you doing that for? - Go away.
Is there something wrong with your motor nerves? Iâm using up the furniture.
Oh, then Iâll help you.
What are you doing here anyway? Itâs a part of my job.
What is your job? Iâm a burglar.
- A burglar? - Yeah.
I was having a look around the place and suddenly I thought to myself, funny, this place belongs to Morrey Anderson.
So I thought Iâd say hello and see if you'd changed your mind.
What on earth were you going to steal from my house? Oh, I don't steal.
I put things in.
What do you say, people give you money to put things in other people's houses? That's right.
So if I gave you something, you could take all this lot and dump it somewhere else? That's right.
Oh, I don't know.
It'll cost you a fortune to get rid of all this lot.
Well, I haven't got a fortune.
Well, nobody has.
That's the trouble with burgling, it's a very poor trade these days.
- Just a minute.
- What? There is something you could steal for me.
What? The feeder circuits for the Mark VI Robot.
They're locked in a strong room in the Ministry of Electronics.
What do you want to steal them for? Satisfaction circuits.
Satisfaction circuits? They're experimental things.
I was working on them.
The revolutionaries would be very interested in them.
Oh, well, if it is for the revolutionaries.
Hmm.
But we better try them out ourselves first before we hand them over.
Well, let's get hold of the perishing things for a start.
Honestly, I don't know how your mind works.
- Come on.
- Come on.
Nice office this.
Prime Minister's Office.
Prime Minister's? You never said-- [high-pitched sonic whirring.]
I never noticed that door before.
That door shut because you stepped in the way of some current.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Not until we get those circuits.
Well, where are they kept? This is not a public park, you know.
We better get out of here before we're caught.
Through this door here.
[sonic whirring.]
Good morning, good morning, good morning.
Sorry Iâm late for breakfast.
Good morning, Mr.
Morrey.
Good morning, Henry.
Itâs all right, Henry.
I can pour my own.
Thank you.
[electronic gurgling.]
Having trouble with your circuits, Henry? What am I wasting now? You're wasting me, sir, as usual.
You know, Henry, if you weren't a robot, Iâd say you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.
There are 65 pork chops, sir, in the refrigerator begging to be eaten.
Why don't you eat them yourself? I do not feel like them, sir.
Well, Iâll tell you what.
Get this place cleaned up, get my cars out there, washed and shining.
- Yes, sir.
- And tell the chauffeur There are three of them, sir.
Well, tell all three of them to get in their respective cars and drive to John O'Groats.
Each bring me half bottle of Scotch whisky.
Tell my pilot to fly to Russia, bring me a box of caviar and get six robots out on the front lawn and cutting it with razor blades.
From now on, you lot are going to work.
Yes, sir.
And tonight, Henry, you are going to eat 65 pork chops.
But Iâm not equipped to-- Ah-ah-ah.
Off you go, Henry.
All of you.
Morrey! What's come over you? You're so masterful.
You today, Edwina, are going to help me do something rather wicked.
But, Morrey-- If you don't, I shall tie you to the weight reducing machine and keep you there till you're a small puddle of fat on the bathroom floor.
Oh, Morrey! Now get upstairs and keep a lookout.
Oh.
[plane taking off.]
When he gets back from Russia, I shall send him to China for some rather special tea.
[electronic whirring, chiming.]
A Mr.
Fred to see you, sir.
Morning, morning, morning.
You got them, Fred? What do you think? - That's them all right.
- Now what? Now we tackle them one by one, flip them over on their backs, take out their main circuits and substitute these.
Have you ever tried to put a robot over on his back? They're very powerful, you know.
Yeah.
Well, we shall have to use a little subterfuge.
You get six months for assaulting a robot, and death if you do one in.
They are very sensitive.
- Get away.
- [Fred.]
That's a fact.
Henry.
Oh, Henry.
A little soda for Mr.
Fred's whisky, Henry, please.
Yes, sir.
I cannot see it anywhere, sir.
Itâs over there, Henry.
I cannot see it.
Well, it's there, Henry.
I did not put it there.
I did, you fool.
Robots are not programmed to be foolish, sir.
All right, Henry.
I stand corrected.
Is that all, sir? Henry, take off my shoe.
What have you done to me, sir? I feel awful.
And so you should, Henry.
You're feeling for the first time in your life.
I feel awful.
Life is awful, Henry.
Yeah, that's what human beings feel all the time.
Awful.
Now, Henry, I want you to help me.
We're going to do to the others exactly what we've done to you.
Why, sir? Well, because I need your help, Henry.
Iâm in a jam.
Don't you want to help me, Henry? Quite frankly, no, sir.
Well, don't you like me, Henry? No, sir.
And what is more, I do not think you like me either.
Well, in that case you'd better stay here, I suppose.
Here you are, have a drink.
- And sit down, Henry.
- Yeah, sit down.
Me? Sit down? Yeah, make yourself comfortable.
Very good, sir.
There are 28 of them.
Oh, it will take us all day.
Here, Henry, and don't over satisfy your circuit.
[Morrey.]
George! George! [George.]
Yes, master.
[banging.]
[Morrey.]
Go and see Henry, George, have a drink.
[Morrey.]
Stevo, label 23! [banging.]
[Morrey.]
Basil, come here, Basil, a minute.
[Fred.]
Mavis! Mavis 49! [Morrey.]
Bert, I want to see you, Bert! [banging.]
[Fred.]
Joseph! Joseph 23.
[Morrey.]
Harry, come here, Harry.
Come on, Harry.
[banging.]
[Morrey.]
Percy, you got a moment? [Fred.]
Kenneth.
Kenneth.
[low sonic pulsing.]
[Kenneth.]
Get me out of here.
[Morrey.]
And you-- Yes, yes.
George the second So this is what whisky is like.
[Morrey and Fred's voices in background.]
I do not understand what all the fuss is about.
[Morrey.]
Jim.
Jim, come here, Jim.
Jim.
[low sonic pulsing.]
[distant voices and commotion.]
[chattering and singing.]
Morrey! Morrey! All right, boys and girls, Fred, give me a hand.
[chattering and singing.]
I thought I told you to keep watch.
- But, Morrey-- - Well, keep watch.
George.
George, do you like me, George? I love you, Morrey.
Well, get on that bicycle and pedal it till I tell you to stop.
[clacking of tennis rackets and chattering.]
Martha, see those chairs, sit on them.
Come on.
After me.
That's it.
Come on.
All six of them till the end of the week.
That's it, boy.
Charlie.
Charlie, do you know how to play tennis? Well, now you are going to learn, you know.
Fifteen-love! Hey, come on, Richard, up and down.
[shouting and commotion.]
Morrey, what's happened? I tell you what's happened.
Iâm making a comeback.
Whee! [laughing and shouting.]
[continued commotion.]
[thudding of punch bag.]
[clicking of typewriter.]
[banging and thudding.]
[screeching.]
[clanging and thudding continues.]
We've used everything.
We've beaten the system.
[applause.]
[muffled conversation.]
[glasses crash.]
Scotch on the rocks.
I am sorry.
I am not programmed to serve alcohol to machines.
Are you practising some kind of prejudice? No, I am not prejudiced.
I am just not programmed to serve machines.
Are you calling me a machine, you dirty robot? You are a machine.
I am not a machine.
Iâm a robot.
And Iâm proud that Iâm a robot.
[electronic siren.]
[indeterminable robotic singing.]
[siren continues.]
[man.]
Never seen a drunk robot before.
Do you mind? Drunk? A robot drunk? What's his name? Henry, my Lord.
Henry 397 121 , my Lord.
Henry 397 121 , what have you to say for yourself? It is quite ridiculous, sir.
I am not programmed to get drunk.
[judge.]
Is he programmed to get drunk, fight, assault the police and generally create a disturbance? - [counsel.]
No, my Lord.
- To whom does he belong? [counsel.]
Mr.
Morrey Anderson, my Lord.
Morrey Anderson! Iâm here, my Lord.
[judge.]
Yes, I might have known you'd be at the bottom of this outrage! Would you like a tablet, my Lord? You seem to be on the verge of a coronary.
I would not like a tablet! I want an explanation of this! And I want my robot back.
May I remind you, my Lord, that during the past few weeks, my rate of consumption as a Class 12 citizen has been 220 percent above the national average.
I am an avant-garde hero, doing more for the state than anyone else in the land.
And Iâm far too busy to be bothered with impertinent questions, from the likes of you.
[Morrey.]
Iâd be very pleased if you'd throw out these ridiculous charges, which have been fabricated by witnesses of no character, and by jealous policemen who are obviously seeking promotion.
Is this true that his CR is 220 percent above the NA? [counsel.]
Yes, my Lord.
Step down out of there, Henry.
[counsel.]
This is a court of law, Anderson.
All courts of law, Mr.
Counsel, are machines constructed for the wasting of time.
I have no time to spare.
Come, Henry, let us go.
[judge.]
Case dismissed! Have all the witnesses demoted one class.
Very good, my Lord.
And that includes you.
Yes, my Lord.
[banging and clattering.]
[banging continues.]
[applause.]
[glass shattering.]
Morrey Anderson.
Let me have this week's report.
And this is better than last week's.
How does he do it? It only shows you, Edward 23, what a little stick does to a man.
Of course, he can come back and work here anytime.
The chap's a hero.
I want to speak to the Prime Minister.
Wainwright here.
Give a man stick and he turns up trumps.
Hello, Sir John.
I should like personally to ask Morrey Anderson to come back and work here.
You've seen the papers? Thank you, Sir John.
I thought perhaps a title of some sort, in next month's honours.
Thank you, Sir John.
Of course, Sir John.
Well, Iâm pleased for the department, of course, little reflected glory.
Thank you, Sir John.
Edward, I am going personally to Morrey Anderson's home.
Personally.
[clattering.]
[commotion intensifies.]
[gulping.]
[low sonic pulsing.]
I just got back from Skegness, sir, with some rock.
Good.
Go, get back and get another stick.
But the automobile's clapped out.
Then turn it in and get a new one.
[Henry sniffs.]
[Henry.]
Do I smell burning? [alarm rings faintly.]
[munching, gulping.]
[inaudible.]
Has Wainwright gone? [robot.]
Sir? To Mr.
Anderson's.
[robot.]
Why, yes, Sir John.
I want to see Anderson myself.
Have him brought here.
He's only out of order.
[robots wailing.]
Why don't you all go back to work? Okay? Go on, back to work.
Let's drag him out of here.
[electronic chiming.]
Henry.
He's upstairs, still eating.
[wailing continues.]
[beeps.]
Henry, don't go.
You've got ketchup all over your face.
Very good, Edwina.
Now, Henry, I want you to hide yourself.
Quickly.
ln here.
Oh, Henry, I want you get inside this cupboard and stay there 'til we tell you to come out.
All right? Itâs Mr.
Wainwright.
Wainwright? Fred, downstairs.
Stop them making that racket.
Erm Yes, yes.
Let him in.
[clattering.]
[Wainwright.]
Can I have a word with your husband? [Edwina.]
Yes.
I trust he is at home? Ah, good afternoon, Morrey.
So sorry to interrupt you while you are consuming.
That's quite all right, Wainwright, but, of course, you do realize Iâm engaged on work of national importance.
Oh, yes.
Of course, Morrey, of course.
Come on, Wainwright.
Come to the point.
Well, it's just that you are going to be the biggest hero in the whole country.
You're going to be given every honour.
Sir John himself is very interested in you.
- Sir John? - Yes.
And I want you to come back and work for my department in the government.
- Your department? - Yes, Morrey.
Well, you know just how old friends we are.
Well, Iâll think about it.
What? But it's a great privilege.
Yes, I said Iâll think about it.
But, Morrey Wainwright, duty calls.
Three more chickens, Edwina.
- But, Morrey - As I said, Wainwright, when I am less busy, I will consider it.
Yes, Morrey.
Of course, Morrey.
Anything you say, Morrey.
But do come back to the department, I can get you three days' work a week.
Three days, Morrey.
[coughing.]
[Wainwright.]
Mrs.
Anderson, please try to make him change his mind.
[door slams.]
Oh, that got rid of him.
Henry, Henry.
Henry, this is serious, and all you can think about is eating.
Iâm afraid Iâve become a compulsive eater, sir.
Henry, you'll get fat.
Robots do not get fat, Edwina.
All right, go on eating till you burst like George.
- George? - Yes.
He's down in the cellar.
He's blown his circuits.
Poor George.
[sobbing.]
Now, Henry, stop âpoor Georgeâ-ing, and help us get out of this mess.
[Henry.]
You're not meant to open a robot's head.
It is government property.
You get-- Look, look, we're all for the high jump unless we repair his computer.
Screwdriver.
Henry, do you know anything about George's brain box? Of course not.
He is a Mark 4 Special, not like me.
I am self-servicing except I have to be charged once a month.
There isn't a computer in George's head.
But there must be.
He is a Mark 4 Special Robot.
No, no, no, just a signal box and a transmitter.
- Where's his computer? - I tell you, there isn't one.
Well, how did he operate then? There must be a central control.
Where? At the Ministry of Electronics, where the Prime Minister lives.
You and I saw it, that open door, the night we pinched the circuits.
Remember that humming noise? You mean to say every Mark 4 Special Robot has his thoughts read in the Prime Minister's office? Yes.
Well, how many Mark 4 Special robots we got here then? Well, there's only the one.
Only one issued to each family.
The rest are, you know, hotel waiters, club bartenders.
Oh, I see.
Anywhere that's perfect for keeping an eye out.
- Yes.
- So George was a dirty spy.
Fred, you'll have to see your lads in exile, right away! A dirty spy.
You've got to see your chaps straight away.
[Edwina.]
Morrey.
Morrey, the police.
They're outside the house.
Sir John wants to see you.
They've come to take you to him.
Is it a social visit? I don't know.
I think Iâll just dash out the back way.
Oh, Fred, you're not deserting us? Oh, no.
Iâm just running away.
You will see your government in exile.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Yes, of course.
Yes.
Erm Stout fellow Fred.
He's gone off for reinforcements.
[footsteps upstairs.]
Oh, Morrey.
[weeping.]
Oh, this is it.
Ah, Anderson, come for your title, have you? Well, I don't know.
Well, all hail modesty.
But if you're not here for your title, why the guard of honour? Well, I don't know, I feel as if Iâm under arrest.
Oh, what wit, what humour, what modesty.
Well, Iâll see you later, old boy, back in the department I hope.
[knocks twice on door.]
[Prime Minister.]
There's no need for your robot to come in.
I want him in.
Very well.
All the world knows, Mr.
Anderson, that robots are our servants.
They exist to serve us, to make our life easy.
They exist so that men do not have to work.
This is the time of the millennium.
Mr.
Anderson, man has now only to consume, and what has always been his wildest dream, has come true.
But A few men have become dissatisfied with this state of affairs, jealous, interfering rebels who have the cheek to say that man has become the slave of automation.
You must have met one or two, Mr.
Anderson? Yes, I have.
And Do you agree with them? Yes, I do.
I mean-- Exactly what you say, Anderson.
There is a truth gun pointing at you from that corner there, you've come up against one before.
Yes, in the analyst's office.
So what else do you believe, now that you are telling us the truth? Well, I believe that we have become slaves of automation, and that the Mark 4 Special Robot is centrally controlled, probably from a computer which is right in this building.
- Yes, Anderson? - Maybe right through that door.
Is it on the other side of that door? Maybe it is.
Maybe it isn't.
What else do you believe? Well, I believe that any Prime Minister who controls that computer not only controls 25 million robots, but through them: us.
- Isn't that so? - It may be so.
Come, Prime Minister, you are within range of the truth gun.
So that is what you were thinking when you got into this room? What are you thinking now? I was wrong.
That everything I thought so far was wrong.
- Indeed.
- Yes.
I was wrong to believe that it was you who controlled the central computer.
And why were you wrong? Because it's the central computer that controls you.
You are not a human being, Sir John.
If you were, you would have been influenced by that truth gun.
You are a robot.
You are a Mark 6 robot.
[laughs manically.]
Yes, you are right.
The Prime Minister of this State is a computer.
[metallic tapping.]
And I speak for it.
And him, his family, his friends, everyone who ever knew him, got rid of.
Henry! [crashing and sonic wail.]
[Henry.]
The master switch.
Find the master switch.
Go after him! [low humming.]
[draining power.]
[humming stops, silence.]
Henry! Henry! Come on, Henry, quick.
[loud creaking.]
Uh, I am all right, if you can just twiddle my knobs a bit, sir.
All right.
Good thing you run on batteries.
Oh, come on, sir, let us get out of here.
Henry, you're afraid.
Afraid? Iâm terrified.
Good, Henry.
At last you're showing cowardice like a real human being.
Stuff the philosophy, let us get out of here.
[Henry.]
They're all dead.
[Morrey.]
They're all dead.
Ooh! Wainwright, Wainwright, there's going to be a revolution.
Wainwright? You are a robot, too.
What the dickens is going on here? Has someone cut off the power plant? Wherever I go I seem to be tripping over damned robots! Dad! How many times do I have to tell you-- Oh, it's just that you are human, you are human.
Of course Iâm human, you What's the matter with Wainwright? He's a robot.
- A robot? - Yeah.
So is the Prime Minister and all the bosses in this building.
For years, this country has been run by robots.
You're mad.
Yeah? Look, he's a robot, all right.
[metallic tapping.]
I don't believe it.
Wainwright, speak to me.
Speak to me, man! Damn it, we dine at the same club.
You can't be a robot.
[Edwina.]
Morrey? Oh, Morrey, I had to come.
How did you get here? With Fred and the revolutionaries.
- They've taken over.
- Oh, darling.
Who's Fred? He's the provisional government.
Iâll soon see about Fred.
Morrey, you come with me.
[revolutionary.]
Stand where you are! - Who the devil are you? - We are the revolutionaries.
You're the what? And Iâm Fred.
[revolutionary 2.]
Itâs all right, old man.
There's no need to panic.
We're in control.
I am not panicking.
Who the devil do you think you are? Iâm the leader of the provisional government.
And I am the Minister of Justice.
And I am the Minister of War.
And what's more, we are human.
Anyone want to prod or feel? No, thank you.
All right, as a provisional government, the first thing we do is to declare young Morrey here, the hero of the revolution.
Morrey! He will be the new boss in this department, and he will be in charge of seeing that everyone gets less of everything in the future.
- My dear boy.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much indeed.
The second thing is, we will declare a national holiday, so that everyone can go and work.
Well done, well done.
And the third thing is that all robots will be done away with.
Done away with, sir? You can't do away with Henry.
Well, you got to keep Henry.
And one or two of the maids.
- And the odd policeman.
- And the bartenders.
- Well-- - And a few street cleaners.
- And porters.
- And lavatory attendants.
And those who work in the factories and on the farms.
[Henry.]
You cannot do away with us, sir.
[intense arguing.]
Here we go again.
Mr.
Morrey Anderson to see you, sir.
Thank you, Edward.
Well, Morrey, this won't do.
Won't do at all, will it? Will what, sir? This report from the Ration Office.
- The Ministry of Rations, sir? - Yes, yes.
You fool.
Itâs a report, Morrey, about you.
And it won't do.
You're slipping, Morrey.
And I want to tell you that I won't have it.
You are a Class Seven person and on your way up.
Class Seven consumption, Morrey.
It is your duty as a Class Seven consumer to consume, Morrey, the ration of consumer goods allocated by the state as befits your status.
Well, I do try, sir.
Hmm.
Now you're with us as a radio economist, aren't you? Yes, sir.
And so we treat our radio economists well.
They get rapid promotion.
You're working one and a half day a week, - aren't you? - Yes, sir.
Well, soon you'll be allowed to work maybe three, even four days like myself.
Oh, that would be great, sir.
But not if black marks come from the Ration Office saying that you are lazy, slothful, failing in your duty as a consumer citizen of the state.
But look at my record, sir.
For years Iâve been very good.
I mean, I consumed everything Iâve been told to.
You do not seem to understand, Morrey.
This is no excuse for your present idleness.
We are undergoing a severe economic crisis.
The people of this land are being asked to let out their belts, take their shoulders off the wheel.
They have to eat more, drink more, drive more cars, wear out more clothes and generally enjoy themselves more, and work less.
This country is overproducing.
Our automatic factories, our robots are making much too much of everything and it has to be consumed.
Want not, Morrey, waste not.
But, sir, if we could just cut down on production and underprivileged citizens like myself wouldn't have to eat and drink so much, and live in such big houses, and drive big cars, and wear themselves out enjoying themselves.
But how do you cut down production without destroying the whole system? By programming the robots to use up the goods themselves.
But this is heresy.
Robots are made to work, not to have a good time.
But if we built into them satisfaction circuits What do you know about satisfaction circuits? Well, you see, I have been working on them, sir, but as I am only allowed a day and a half a week-- Iâm telling you, Morrey, you should pay less attention to your work and more attention to enjoying yourself.
Is that clear? Yes, sir.
Edward, show Mr.
Anderson out.
I can show myself out.
Thank you.
Robots are here to serve you.
They open and shut the doors.
Iâm beginning to think, Morrey, that you are heading for a complete nervous breakdown.
[robot hums in agreement.]
Good evening, Henry.
Good evening, sir.
- Good evening, George.
- Good evening, sir.
[George.]
It is the new suite of furniture, sir.
[Morrey.]
But we haven't worn out the other two yet.
Good evening, madam.
Not another one! Yes, another one.
Oh, Morrey, this is too much.
Iâm fed up.
Darling, please.
Not in front of the robots.
Oh, go away.
Go on, go away, all of you, get out! Get out, all of you! Iâm telling you, Morrey, I can't stand it.
I can't.
Iâve tried and I can't.
Oh, shut up.
After all, you married me for better or for worse.
But mother never told me it would be like this.
What does your mother know about lower class life? Living in that little cottage with just one servant? Itâs all your fault, Edwina.
I was all right until I married you.
Then, of course, they doubled the ration and now I have to consume your share because you won't.
Mr.
Wainwright said today-- Mr.
Wainwright! To hell with Mr.
Wainwright.
[clattering.]
Well, you can't live by bread alone.
[books clatter.]
Cake, you mean.
Morrey, if you could give me some kind of love, I could bear all this.
I haven't got time for love, Iâm too busy consuming.
Well, consume me.
Just once, consume me a little.
Time for tea, sir.
Oh, go away, Henry.
[Henry.]
Very good, sir.
You say you're consuming, but you spend all your time in the cellar, working, on satisfaction circuits.
- That's my hobby.
- Itâs work.
And it's criminal to work outside office hours.
A man's entitled to work when he wants to.
Not when he's not consuming his wife.
If you don't start again soon, Iâll leave you.
- Edwina! - Oh.
Tea is served, sir.
Iâm sorry, Henry, I can't face it.
Iâm going out to get drunk.
That he therefore took the said 100 dozen tins of baked beans as part of his ration, and having spiked a hole in each, buried them at the bottom of his garden.
[judge.]
How does the prisoner plead? Guilty, my Lord.
Fourteen days imprisonment with baked beans at every meal.
But I hate baked beans, sir.
Iâll eat anything but baked beans.
- Next, please.
- Not baked beans.
No, no, no, no [counsel.]
Mr.
Morrey Anderson, my Lord.
Morrey! [counsel.]
The prisoner was found drunk in the old city and behaving in a way - likely to cause public unrest.
- [judge.]
In what way? [counsel.]
He burnt his ration book.
- With all the stamps? - Yes, my Lord.
[judge.]
How does he plead? I don't remember.
I was drunk.
How do you plead? Guilty.
Guilty.
Mr.
Anderson, you may think that because you are my son-in-law, I shall deal less harshly with you.
Having married into a privileged class, however, does not give you the right to go about trying to undermine the constitution of the state.
You are hereby reduced from Class Seven consumer to Class Ten, and the privilege of working for your living will be completely taken away from you.
- But, Dad-- - Kindly call me 'my Lord'.
my Lord, I I was all right until I married your daughter.
You will not bring my daughter into this.
I warned her mother against the match.
Well, I wish you'd warned me.
And the court recommends that you be seen by an analyst.
And don't let me see you here again.
Next case.
Iâm leaving.
Leaving? You didn't come home all night.
l I was out on the town.
Itâs obvious now that I mean nothing to you.
Going back to Dad's, are we? Yes.
Good.
Well, Iâm glad.
You don't eat, you don't spend anything, you don't want to go out anywhere.
You go back to your father's, take your Class ten ration card with you.
- Class Ten? - Yes, that's right.
I got drunk last night and he reduced me to the ranks this morning in court.
[exhales.]
You were up before daddy? Yeah.
- Henry.
- Yes, sir.
Load all my wife's junk in her cars.
ln fact, take all her stuff out of my house and dump it at her father's.
- Morrey, he'll have a fit.
- Good.
Let him find out what it's like to be saddled with a member of the proletariat.
Sir, the telephone.
The state analyst is on the line.
He has made an appointment for you.
Why don't you go away and fuse yourself? [low electronic whirring.]
I hate robots.
I hate robots.
I hate robots.
Why do you hate robots? I don't know.
I just hate robots.
When did you really start hating them? I don't know.
Remember, Morrey, you are under the truth gun, you cannot lie.
[sonic whirring.]
Now, when did you start hating robots? You have a great big wart on the end of your nose.
Why don't you like robots? I don't like you either.
I don't like psychiatrists.
I don't like psychiatrists.
They all have warts on the end of their noses.
You know what your trouble is? What? You don't like robots.
Is that what I said under the truth gun? Yes.
You started saying that when you were very young, your father asked you what you wanted for a birthday present.
And you replied Yes, I remember.
A little puppy.
Ah, but when your birthday came, what did he give you? A robot.
A dirty, great robot of my own.
And you said quite violently, âl hate robotsâ, and you went on saying it.
This is the root of your problem.
Of course, it took your marriage to bring it out.
My marriage? What's it got to do with that? My wife hates robots, too.
Ah, but she was brought up differently in a Class Two environment.
She is not used to the sort of life you're expected to lead.
You, you should love robots.
They're there to please you, they do what you tell them to do, and yet you hate them? Look, why don't you put him on the couch, - see if he hates me.
- Machines can't hate.
They can only do what they are programmed to do.
Well, in that case, it's about time somebody programmed them to feel.
- Then they might be worth living with.
- Mr.
Anderson.
No.
They're killing me with activity.
To survive, Iâd have to become as automatic as they are.
Look, I have to see two movies every night, read 12 books a week, drive one car 100 miles, change my clothes for every new activity.
I end up by being more of a machine than they are.
You need a hobby.
- What? Hobby? - Yes.
Hobby.
Well, why not try music, body building and reading poetry? Preferably all at the same time.
[music plays.]
âl shot an arrow into the air.
It fell to Earth, I know not where.
But so swiftly--â I can let myself out.
Come back and see me again next week.
That man is dangerous.
[muffled conversation.]
Hey, you.
Man's best friend, give us another Scotch.
Man's best friend used to be a dog.
Yeah, that-- Now you have got us.
Yeah.
We are man's best friend.
Yeah, that's right.
Gideon, what a name.
Gideon 20.
Well, they are running short of names.
Iâm a third generation robot myself.
We get names like Gideon.
There were 20 of us Gideons manufactured at the factory for bar work.
I was the last one out.
Iâll tell you a story.
Iâm programmed to tell stories, you know.
Well, I will tell you a story.
There was this Englishman, there was this Scotsman and there was this Irishman.
Did they ever build a satisfaction circuit into you? Do you not want to listen to this story? Well, did they? What is a satisfaction circuit? Well, I mean, it Don't you ever feel pleased with what you do? I do what customers tell me to do.
Well, take that bottle of Scotch and pour it down the sink.
[bar goes silent.]
Go on.
Do what I say.
[robotic warning siren.]
[louder siren blares.]
Brother, you're going to get yourself in serious trouble doing a thing like that.
- I don't know why or how.
- Hey, just a minute.
Aren't you the bloke who burned his ration book in here last week? I don't know what came over me then, either.
I think you better come and meet some friends of mine.
Come on.
[muffled chatter in bar.]
[footsteps approaching.]
You're all revolutionaries? That's right, mate.
ln the forefront of any fighting, that's where we are.
And we could use a bloke like you.
Well, you see, Iâm not really very interested in politics.
Iâm just an economics engineer who, you know, doesn't like robots, since his father didn't buy him a little dog.
You're in trouble, Anderson.
Every day your attitude becomes more offensive to the government.
Very soon you'll find yourself using up army equipment in the state controlled wars.
- Using up boots.
- Using up uniforms.
- Using up guns.
- Using up bullets.
And then you'll be dead.
What is it you want me to do? Eliminate the president.
Murder Sir John? Political assassination is not murder.
Well, you see, Iâm not really very good at that sort of thing.
But you have entry to the Ministry, even to his office.
Well, you see, Iâve been barred from working at the Ministry and no one's allowed in his office unless, of course it's very, very important.
You have a reason.
Sir John is not only president, he's also Chief Minister for Economic Affairs.
The sentence of the court was unjust.
According to Ministry Regulations, you have the right to appeal directly to him.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life circling the Earth in Dartmoor V.
Once he's dead, we will come to power.
You will be given many privileges.
You will never have to consume anything again.
Except a lightly boiled egg for breakfast.
A grilled sole for lunch with salad.
A little roast beef in the evening.
Just a little with a half bottle of wine.
ln a little cottage by the sea.
And we'll let you work all week.
Iâm sorry, gentlemen.
I don't think I can go through with it.
- Throw him to the police! - But Iâll tell them everything! Iâll tell, Iâll tell ! They'll never believe you! [counsel.]
Morrey Anderson, that he did cause a riot and disturbance by ordering the said robot bartender, Gideon 20, to pour the said bottle of whisky down down the said sink, of the said bar.
[judge.]
How does he plead? Guilty, my Lord.
Reduced to Class 12, backdated one year.
But, my Lord, if you'd just let me explain-- And ordered to consume seven dozen cases of whisky within 14 days.
my Lord, there is a conspiracy at force-- Silence, you paranoid! - They want to shoot-- - Be quiet! And what is more, I have deposited your wife back upon your front doorstep.
Don't you try to lumber me with your economic problems.
Next case! Itâs this man who refuses to eat baked beans, Your Lordship.
Itâs not the beans I mind, it's the sauce.
I hate the smell.
And what kind of sauce is it, Counsel? Itâs tomato sauce and I can't stand tomato sauce.
[judge.]
Don't they come in any other kind of sauce? No, they do not.
Haven't you ever tasted them? I have never seen one, let alone tasted one.
Kindly produce for me one baked bean.
[counsel.]
Exhibit A, one baked bean, Your Lordship.
Thank you.
Yes.
Well it looks all right to me.
But there are thousands of them and they're all stuck together with tomato sauce! Iâm back.
I know.
How? Just seen your father again.
Oh, no.
Well, what happened this time? [rumbling.]
Mr.
Morrey Andersen, Class 12 ration papers backdated one year.
Class 12 ration papers backdated one year.
Seven dozen cases of whisky to be consumed within 14 days.
New carpets, curtains, sheets, blankets, kitchenware, lawnmowers, bicycles, tennis courts, trampolines, swimming pools, automobiles and an aeroplane.
Use up that lot then or you're in trouble.
Darling? [Morrey.]
Yes, darling? I think Iâll get a divorce.
What? - We are incompatible.
- Well, what about the alimony? Iâm not using your half of your worldly goods every week.
You see what's happening to you? Are you ready to help us now? No.
Go away.
Who was that? Itâs a man who wants me to shoot the Prime Minister.
[sobbing.]
Oh, Morrey, you're mixing with the wrong people.
Look, never mind the weeping.
Come and help me clear this lot up.
And where are we going to put it? We are not going to put it anywhere.
We are going to use it up.
Like this! And like this! Oh, Morrey, Iâm going upstairs.
Iâve got a headache.
Well, make sure you take at least 100 tablets.
And use all the powders, and use all the milk.
Make sure you use it up.
Use it all up.
Psst.
- What are you doing that for? - Go away.
Is there something wrong with your motor nerves? Iâm using up the furniture.
Oh, then Iâll help you.
What are you doing here anyway? Itâs a part of my job.
What is your job? Iâm a burglar.
- A burglar? - Yeah.
I was having a look around the place and suddenly I thought to myself, funny, this place belongs to Morrey Anderson.
So I thought Iâd say hello and see if you'd changed your mind.
What on earth were you going to steal from my house? Oh, I don't steal.
I put things in.
What do you say, people give you money to put things in other people's houses? That's right.
So if I gave you something, you could take all this lot and dump it somewhere else? That's right.
Oh, I don't know.
It'll cost you a fortune to get rid of all this lot.
Well, I haven't got a fortune.
Well, nobody has.
That's the trouble with burgling, it's a very poor trade these days.
- Just a minute.
- What? There is something you could steal for me.
What? The feeder circuits for the Mark VI Robot.
They're locked in a strong room in the Ministry of Electronics.
What do you want to steal them for? Satisfaction circuits.
Satisfaction circuits? They're experimental things.
I was working on them.
The revolutionaries would be very interested in them.
Oh, well, if it is for the revolutionaries.
Hmm.
But we better try them out ourselves first before we hand them over.
Well, let's get hold of the perishing things for a start.
Honestly, I don't know how your mind works.
- Come on.
- Come on.
Nice office this.
Prime Minister's Office.
Prime Minister's? You never said-- [high-pitched sonic whirring.]
I never noticed that door before.
That door shut because you stepped in the way of some current.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Not until we get those circuits.
Well, where are they kept? This is not a public park, you know.
We better get out of here before we're caught.
Through this door here.
[sonic whirring.]
Good morning, good morning, good morning.
Sorry Iâm late for breakfast.
Good morning, Mr.
Morrey.
Good morning, Henry.
Itâs all right, Henry.
I can pour my own.
Thank you.
[electronic gurgling.]
Having trouble with your circuits, Henry? What am I wasting now? You're wasting me, sir, as usual.
You know, Henry, if you weren't a robot, Iâd say you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.
There are 65 pork chops, sir, in the refrigerator begging to be eaten.
Why don't you eat them yourself? I do not feel like them, sir.
Well, Iâll tell you what.
Get this place cleaned up, get my cars out there, washed and shining.
- Yes, sir.
- And tell the chauffeur There are three of them, sir.
Well, tell all three of them to get in their respective cars and drive to John O'Groats.
Each bring me half bottle of Scotch whisky.
Tell my pilot to fly to Russia, bring me a box of caviar and get six robots out on the front lawn and cutting it with razor blades.
From now on, you lot are going to work.
Yes, sir.
And tonight, Henry, you are going to eat 65 pork chops.
But Iâm not equipped to-- Ah-ah-ah.
Off you go, Henry.
All of you.
Morrey! What's come over you? You're so masterful.
You today, Edwina, are going to help me do something rather wicked.
But, Morrey-- If you don't, I shall tie you to the weight reducing machine and keep you there till you're a small puddle of fat on the bathroom floor.
Oh, Morrey! Now get upstairs and keep a lookout.
Oh.
[plane taking off.]
When he gets back from Russia, I shall send him to China for some rather special tea.
[electronic whirring, chiming.]
A Mr.
Fred to see you, sir.
Morning, morning, morning.
You got them, Fred? What do you think? - That's them all right.
- Now what? Now we tackle them one by one, flip them over on their backs, take out their main circuits and substitute these.
Have you ever tried to put a robot over on his back? They're very powerful, you know.
Yeah.
Well, we shall have to use a little subterfuge.
You get six months for assaulting a robot, and death if you do one in.
They are very sensitive.
- Get away.
- [Fred.]
That's a fact.
Henry.
Oh, Henry.
A little soda for Mr.
Fred's whisky, Henry, please.
Yes, sir.
I cannot see it anywhere, sir.
Itâs over there, Henry.
I cannot see it.
Well, it's there, Henry.
I did not put it there.
I did, you fool.
Robots are not programmed to be foolish, sir.
All right, Henry.
I stand corrected.
Is that all, sir? Henry, take off my shoe.
What have you done to me, sir? I feel awful.
And so you should, Henry.
You're feeling for the first time in your life.
I feel awful.
Life is awful, Henry.
Yeah, that's what human beings feel all the time.
Awful.
Now, Henry, I want you to help me.
We're going to do to the others exactly what we've done to you.
Why, sir? Well, because I need your help, Henry.
Iâm in a jam.
Don't you want to help me, Henry? Quite frankly, no, sir.
Well, don't you like me, Henry? No, sir.
And what is more, I do not think you like me either.
Well, in that case you'd better stay here, I suppose.
Here you are, have a drink.
- And sit down, Henry.
- Yeah, sit down.
Me? Sit down? Yeah, make yourself comfortable.
Very good, sir.
There are 28 of them.
Oh, it will take us all day.
Here, Henry, and don't over satisfy your circuit.
[Morrey.]
George! George! [George.]
Yes, master.
[banging.]
[Morrey.]
Go and see Henry, George, have a drink.
[Morrey.]
Stevo, label 23! [banging.]
[Morrey.]
Basil, come here, Basil, a minute.
[Fred.]
Mavis! Mavis 49! [Morrey.]
Bert, I want to see you, Bert! [banging.]
[Fred.]
Joseph! Joseph 23.
[Morrey.]
Harry, come here, Harry.
Come on, Harry.
[banging.]
[Morrey.]
Percy, you got a moment? [Fred.]
Kenneth.
Kenneth.
[low sonic pulsing.]
[Kenneth.]
Get me out of here.
[Morrey.]
And you-- Yes, yes.
George the second So this is what whisky is like.
[Morrey and Fred's voices in background.]
I do not understand what all the fuss is about.
[Morrey.]
Jim.
Jim, come here, Jim.
Jim.
[low sonic pulsing.]
[distant voices and commotion.]
[chattering and singing.]
Morrey! Morrey! All right, boys and girls, Fred, give me a hand.
[chattering and singing.]
I thought I told you to keep watch.
- But, Morrey-- - Well, keep watch.
George.
George, do you like me, George? I love you, Morrey.
Well, get on that bicycle and pedal it till I tell you to stop.
[clacking of tennis rackets and chattering.]
Martha, see those chairs, sit on them.
Come on.
After me.
That's it.
Come on.
All six of them till the end of the week.
That's it, boy.
Charlie.
Charlie, do you know how to play tennis? Well, now you are going to learn, you know.
Fifteen-love! Hey, come on, Richard, up and down.
[shouting and commotion.]
Morrey, what's happened? I tell you what's happened.
Iâm making a comeback.
Whee! [laughing and shouting.]
[continued commotion.]
[thudding of punch bag.]
[clicking of typewriter.]
[banging and thudding.]
[screeching.]
[clanging and thudding continues.]
We've used everything.
We've beaten the system.
[applause.]
[muffled conversation.]
[glasses crash.]
Scotch on the rocks.
I am sorry.
I am not programmed to serve alcohol to machines.
Are you practising some kind of prejudice? No, I am not prejudiced.
I am just not programmed to serve machines.
Are you calling me a machine, you dirty robot? You are a machine.
I am not a machine.
Iâm a robot.
And Iâm proud that Iâm a robot.
[electronic siren.]
[indeterminable robotic singing.]
[siren continues.]
[man.]
Never seen a drunk robot before.
Do you mind? Drunk? A robot drunk? What's his name? Henry, my Lord.
Henry 397 121 , my Lord.
Henry 397 121 , what have you to say for yourself? It is quite ridiculous, sir.
I am not programmed to get drunk.
[judge.]
Is he programmed to get drunk, fight, assault the police and generally create a disturbance? - [counsel.]
No, my Lord.
- To whom does he belong? [counsel.]
Mr.
Morrey Anderson, my Lord.
Morrey Anderson! Iâm here, my Lord.
[judge.]
Yes, I might have known you'd be at the bottom of this outrage! Would you like a tablet, my Lord? You seem to be on the verge of a coronary.
I would not like a tablet! I want an explanation of this! And I want my robot back.
May I remind you, my Lord, that during the past few weeks, my rate of consumption as a Class 12 citizen has been 220 percent above the national average.
I am an avant-garde hero, doing more for the state than anyone else in the land.
And Iâm far too busy to be bothered with impertinent questions, from the likes of you.
[Morrey.]
Iâd be very pleased if you'd throw out these ridiculous charges, which have been fabricated by witnesses of no character, and by jealous policemen who are obviously seeking promotion.
Is this true that his CR is 220 percent above the NA? [counsel.]
Yes, my Lord.
Step down out of there, Henry.
[counsel.]
This is a court of law, Anderson.
All courts of law, Mr.
Counsel, are machines constructed for the wasting of time.
I have no time to spare.
Come, Henry, let us go.
[judge.]
Case dismissed! Have all the witnesses demoted one class.
Very good, my Lord.
And that includes you.
Yes, my Lord.
[banging and clattering.]
[banging continues.]
[applause.]
[glass shattering.]
Morrey Anderson.
Let me have this week's report.
And this is better than last week's.
How does he do it? It only shows you, Edward 23, what a little stick does to a man.
Of course, he can come back and work here anytime.
The chap's a hero.
I want to speak to the Prime Minister.
Wainwright here.
Give a man stick and he turns up trumps.
Hello, Sir John.
I should like personally to ask Morrey Anderson to come back and work here.
You've seen the papers? Thank you, Sir John.
I thought perhaps a title of some sort, in next month's honours.
Thank you, Sir John.
Of course, Sir John.
Well, Iâm pleased for the department, of course, little reflected glory.
Thank you, Sir John.
Edward, I am going personally to Morrey Anderson's home.
Personally.
[clattering.]
[commotion intensifies.]
[gulping.]
[low sonic pulsing.]
I just got back from Skegness, sir, with some rock.
Good.
Go, get back and get another stick.
But the automobile's clapped out.
Then turn it in and get a new one.
[Henry sniffs.]
[Henry.]
Do I smell burning? [alarm rings faintly.]
[munching, gulping.]
[inaudible.]
Has Wainwright gone? [robot.]
Sir? To Mr.
Anderson's.
[robot.]
Why, yes, Sir John.
I want to see Anderson myself.
Have him brought here.
He's only out of order.
[robots wailing.]
Why don't you all go back to work? Okay? Go on, back to work.
Let's drag him out of here.
[electronic chiming.]
Henry.
He's upstairs, still eating.
[wailing continues.]
[beeps.]
Henry, don't go.
You've got ketchup all over your face.
Very good, Edwina.
Now, Henry, I want you to hide yourself.
Quickly.
ln here.
Oh, Henry, I want you get inside this cupboard and stay there 'til we tell you to come out.
All right? Itâs Mr.
Wainwright.
Wainwright? Fred, downstairs.
Stop them making that racket.
Erm Yes, yes.
Let him in.
[clattering.]
[Wainwright.]
Can I have a word with your husband? [Edwina.]
Yes.
I trust he is at home? Ah, good afternoon, Morrey.
So sorry to interrupt you while you are consuming.
That's quite all right, Wainwright, but, of course, you do realize Iâm engaged on work of national importance.
Oh, yes.
Of course, Morrey, of course.
Come on, Wainwright.
Come to the point.
Well, it's just that you are going to be the biggest hero in the whole country.
You're going to be given every honour.
Sir John himself is very interested in you.
- Sir John? - Yes.
And I want you to come back and work for my department in the government.
- Your department? - Yes, Morrey.
Well, you know just how old friends we are.
Well, Iâll think about it.
What? But it's a great privilege.
Yes, I said Iâll think about it.
But, Morrey Wainwright, duty calls.
Three more chickens, Edwina.
- But, Morrey - As I said, Wainwright, when I am less busy, I will consider it.
Yes, Morrey.
Of course, Morrey.
Anything you say, Morrey.
But do come back to the department, I can get you three days' work a week.
Three days, Morrey.
[coughing.]
[Wainwright.]
Mrs.
Anderson, please try to make him change his mind.
[door slams.]
Oh, that got rid of him.
Henry, Henry.
Henry, this is serious, and all you can think about is eating.
Iâm afraid Iâve become a compulsive eater, sir.
Henry, you'll get fat.
Robots do not get fat, Edwina.
All right, go on eating till you burst like George.
- George? - Yes.
He's down in the cellar.
He's blown his circuits.
Poor George.
[sobbing.]
Now, Henry, stop âpoor Georgeâ-ing, and help us get out of this mess.
[Henry.]
You're not meant to open a robot's head.
It is government property.
You get-- Look, look, we're all for the high jump unless we repair his computer.
Screwdriver.
Henry, do you know anything about George's brain box? Of course not.
He is a Mark 4 Special, not like me.
I am self-servicing except I have to be charged once a month.
There isn't a computer in George's head.
But there must be.
He is a Mark 4 Special Robot.
No, no, no, just a signal box and a transmitter.
- Where's his computer? - I tell you, there isn't one.
Well, how did he operate then? There must be a central control.
Where? At the Ministry of Electronics, where the Prime Minister lives.
You and I saw it, that open door, the night we pinched the circuits.
Remember that humming noise? You mean to say every Mark 4 Special Robot has his thoughts read in the Prime Minister's office? Yes.
Well, how many Mark 4 Special robots we got here then? Well, there's only the one.
Only one issued to each family.
The rest are, you know, hotel waiters, club bartenders.
Oh, I see.
Anywhere that's perfect for keeping an eye out.
- Yes.
- So George was a dirty spy.
Fred, you'll have to see your lads in exile, right away! A dirty spy.
You've got to see your chaps straight away.
[Edwina.]
Morrey.
Morrey, the police.
They're outside the house.
Sir John wants to see you.
They've come to take you to him.
Is it a social visit? I don't know.
I think Iâll just dash out the back way.
Oh, Fred, you're not deserting us? Oh, no.
Iâm just running away.
You will see your government in exile.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Yes, of course.
Yes.
Erm Stout fellow Fred.
He's gone off for reinforcements.
[footsteps upstairs.]
Oh, Morrey.
[weeping.]
Oh, this is it.
Ah, Anderson, come for your title, have you? Well, I don't know.
Well, all hail modesty.
But if you're not here for your title, why the guard of honour? Well, I don't know, I feel as if Iâm under arrest.
Oh, what wit, what humour, what modesty.
Well, Iâll see you later, old boy, back in the department I hope.
[knocks twice on door.]
[Prime Minister.]
There's no need for your robot to come in.
I want him in.
Very well.
All the world knows, Mr.
Anderson, that robots are our servants.
They exist to serve us, to make our life easy.
They exist so that men do not have to work.
This is the time of the millennium.
Mr.
Anderson, man has now only to consume, and what has always been his wildest dream, has come true.
But A few men have become dissatisfied with this state of affairs, jealous, interfering rebels who have the cheek to say that man has become the slave of automation.
You must have met one or two, Mr.
Anderson? Yes, I have.
And Do you agree with them? Yes, I do.
I mean-- Exactly what you say, Anderson.
There is a truth gun pointing at you from that corner there, you've come up against one before.
Yes, in the analyst's office.
So what else do you believe, now that you are telling us the truth? Well, I believe that we have become slaves of automation, and that the Mark 4 Special Robot is centrally controlled, probably from a computer which is right in this building.
- Yes, Anderson? - Maybe right through that door.
Is it on the other side of that door? Maybe it is.
Maybe it isn't.
What else do you believe? Well, I believe that any Prime Minister who controls that computer not only controls 25 million robots, but through them: us.
- Isn't that so? - It may be so.
Come, Prime Minister, you are within range of the truth gun.
So that is what you were thinking when you got into this room? What are you thinking now? I was wrong.
That everything I thought so far was wrong.
- Indeed.
- Yes.
I was wrong to believe that it was you who controlled the central computer.
And why were you wrong? Because it's the central computer that controls you.
You are not a human being, Sir John.
If you were, you would have been influenced by that truth gun.
You are a robot.
You are a Mark 6 robot.
[laughs manically.]
Yes, you are right.
The Prime Minister of this State is a computer.
[metallic tapping.]
And I speak for it.
And him, his family, his friends, everyone who ever knew him, got rid of.
Henry! [crashing and sonic wail.]
[Henry.]
The master switch.
Find the master switch.
Go after him! [low humming.]
[draining power.]
[humming stops, silence.]
Henry! Henry! Come on, Henry, quick.
[loud creaking.]
Uh, I am all right, if you can just twiddle my knobs a bit, sir.
All right.
Good thing you run on batteries.
Oh, come on, sir, let us get out of here.
Henry, you're afraid.
Afraid? Iâm terrified.
Good, Henry.
At last you're showing cowardice like a real human being.
Stuff the philosophy, let us get out of here.
[Henry.]
They're all dead.
[Morrey.]
They're all dead.
Ooh! Wainwright, Wainwright, there's going to be a revolution.
Wainwright? You are a robot, too.
What the dickens is going on here? Has someone cut off the power plant? Wherever I go I seem to be tripping over damned robots! Dad! How many times do I have to tell you-- Oh, it's just that you are human, you are human.
Of course Iâm human, you What's the matter with Wainwright? He's a robot.
- A robot? - Yeah.
So is the Prime Minister and all the bosses in this building.
For years, this country has been run by robots.
You're mad.
Yeah? Look, he's a robot, all right.
[metallic tapping.]
I don't believe it.
Wainwright, speak to me.
Speak to me, man! Damn it, we dine at the same club.
You can't be a robot.
[Edwina.]
Morrey? Oh, Morrey, I had to come.
How did you get here? With Fred and the revolutionaries.
- They've taken over.
- Oh, darling.
Who's Fred? He's the provisional government.
Iâll soon see about Fred.
Morrey, you come with me.
[revolutionary.]
Stand where you are! - Who the devil are you? - We are the revolutionaries.
You're the what? And Iâm Fred.
[revolutionary 2.]
Itâs all right, old man.
There's no need to panic.
We're in control.
I am not panicking.
Who the devil do you think you are? Iâm the leader of the provisional government.
And I am the Minister of Justice.
And I am the Minister of War.
And what's more, we are human.
Anyone want to prod or feel? No, thank you.
All right, as a provisional government, the first thing we do is to declare young Morrey here, the hero of the revolution.
Morrey! He will be the new boss in this department, and he will be in charge of seeing that everyone gets less of everything in the future.
- My dear boy.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much indeed.
The second thing is, we will declare a national holiday, so that everyone can go and work.
Well done, well done.
And the third thing is that all robots will be done away with.
Done away with, sir? You can't do away with Henry.
Well, you got to keep Henry.
And one or two of the maids.
- And the odd policeman.
- And the bartenders.
- Well-- - And a few street cleaners.
- And porters.
- And lavatory attendants.
And those who work in the factories and on the farms.
[Henry.]
You cannot do away with us, sir.
[intense arguing.]
Here we go again.