Outsourced (2010) s01e09 Episode Script

- All right, guys, let's really push this Thanksgiving stuff, all right? In a week, it'll all be on clearance.
- Can I suggest our signature turkey-BUTT gravy Boat? Yeah, it pours out the backside.
- Look.
I'm a Pilgrim and an indian.
Burn the witch! - Sir? I am confused.
Why is he fully clothed for winter but she is dressed for prostitution? - Because the pilgrims hadn't taught them to be ashamed of their bodies yet.
- They're an odd couple, these pilgrims and indians.
- Yeah.
They kinda had a complicated relationship.
- It's quite simple, really.
The pilgrims came to a land which was not their own and subjugated the indians so the white man could run the call center.
I mean the country.
- [laughing.]
- Um, all you gotta remember is that the indians helped the pilgrims survive the winter.
That's why we have these huge feasts and we give thanks.
- So if the indians gave the pilgrims shelter, what did the pilgrims give the indians? - Less land to worry about? Actually, they prefer to be called native americans.
- Why? - Well, they find the term indian derogatory.
[traditional Indian music.]
- Thank you very much, please.
Good-Bye.
- All right, people, tomorrow is black Friday.
You know what that is? - Martin Luther King day? - No.
Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving.
It's America's busiest shopping day of the year.
And I don't think you guys realize how intense it's gonna be.
I want you to watch this.
Now, this is a couple of years ago.
It's 5:00 a.
M.
People have been standing in this line for hours waiting for this sale.
Hmm? - Oof! - See how out of control it can get? - Out of control? I go through worse getting on my train in the morning.
But if you think that's horrible, I might be late tomorrow.
- No.
People were seriously hurt.
- Oh.
- It started a riot.
- As riots go, this is rather tame.
I see no tear gas, no batons, no one set on fire.
I could riot circles around these people.
[laughter.]
- All right.
So you guys are better at rioting than us.
But when it comes to shoppers spending beyond their means, we are still number one.
As long as the Chinese let us.
- But, Todd, we just take calls.
We won't have to deal with these mobs of yours.
- Mobs.
[women giggling.]
- Yeah, you will.
Come on.
The only difference is it's gonna be on the phone.
Guys, guys.
Come on! It's our super bowl, all right? So come ready to play or don't come at all.
No, no, you still have to come.
It'sjust an expression.
- Sir you forgot to mention the incentive memo.
- You went through my trash? - I had no choice.
You keep changing your email password.
I think we need to be more aggressive.
This black Friday Sales incentive says the assistant manager could win a new high definition tv.
- Yeah, and I could win a trip to hawaii, but it's never gonna happen.
Corporate dangles these amazing incentives every year just to get us to work Harder.
- And if we did work Harder-- - No, you don't understand.
They set the sales bar so high, it's virtually impossible to win.
- False hope.
How cruel and manipulative.
Workers, if anyone can break the sales record, they will receive full health insurance for themselves and their entire family.
- Oh! They don't even have that in the U.
S.
[overlapping chatter.]
Smack! - Whoa! Ha ha ha.
Still getting used to your hellos.
- Just making sure that we're still on for tonight.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Whoa-- mm! You better watch out.
I'm gonna be gettin' you back tonight, and payback is a [shrilly.]
bitch! - [giggles.]
- Hey, guys.
- Crap.
It's Charlie.
- What? You still haven't told him about us? - No.
I don't wanna upset the guy.
He's a hardcore Hunter.
He claims he killed a Moose and slept inside it.
- Eew! - Said He would have slept in till noon if it hadn't been mating season.
- Hey, Todd.
- Hey.
- Happy turkey day.
Tonya.
- Charlie.
- Charlie going camping for thanksgiving? - No.
This is survival gear.
You guys saw the weather forecast, right? - Uh, yeah.
It's supposed to rain.
- This ain't no little thunderstorm rolling through the plains-- It's a monsoon.
Roads get flooded.
Power goes out.
I sleep here.
Got an air mattress In my office.
Big enough for two.
- I've got a fair idea how I'll be riding out this storm.
- Did you see that? She's playing hard to get.
- It's not that hard.
- I've had women try to pull this on me before.
There's a gal in California right now trying to rope me in.
She even went so far as to marry another woman.
And they adopted a kid.
Not buyin' it for a second.
- Oh! - Oh! - Do you see that? Thank you.
- What's this, chinese checkers? - No.
It is carrom.
Oh - looks stupid.
I got next.
Damn it.
Two out of three.
No.
Damn it.
Three out of five.
- Aw! - Oh, no! Manmeet! - Now you're gonna see some carrom.
Ha Ha ha! Gonna show you how it's done.
- [blows.]
- [laughing.]
- Damn it.
All right.
We're gonna play a real game.
An American game.
A man's game.
- Good god.
Come over here.
Breathe in.
Go.
- Hai! Hai.
Stop it! - Tomorrow morning, the battle is joined.
Get shot five times, you're dead.
- Why is yours so much bigger than ours? - Why, indeed? [traditional Indian music.]
- Todd, honey, just wouldn't be thanksgiving if we didn't get to see you.
- I can't see him.
- Dad, you gotta lean down.
- Oh.
Hey, you're blurry.
I would say call tech support, but you're in India.
Why don't you just go out in the street and grab somebody? - I just hate to think that It's Thanksgiving and my little Todd is all alone.
- Aw, don't worry, mom.
Little Todd is not all alone.
- Can I meet your mom? - Hey, little bro! What's up, Buddy? B-B-B-- Big Brad news comin' your way.
I broke the company sales record.
Ho-oh! - Hey! - That's my boy.
- And the prize is a ski package at Breckenridge.
And I thought, what better gift to give these two for their 30th anniversary? I'm gonna give it to you guys.
- Oh, my goodness! Breckenridge? That's in colorado.
- It is, mom.
Yeah.
And why don't we just say it's from me and you, right, Todd? Huh, Buddy? - Wellactually, I already got you guys a gift.
It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah? What'd you get 'em? - Well, I wasn't gonna say anything, but I won a trip to hawaii, and It's all yours.
- [gasps.]
Hawaii? We've never been.
- Yeah, you know, I broke my company's sales record So, uh, happy anniversary.
- Oh! - Really? You broke a sales record? - Yeahdad.
Why are you always surprised when I win something? - Ha.
Here he goes.
- Okay, boys, boys.
We're proud of the both of you.
Okay, he did something good.
- Well, congrats, Buddy.
And I think it's best that you give mom and dad the gift anyway.
I mean, you're not gonna go to hawaii by yourself, huh? - Well, actually, I'm dating someone.
- Really? Just like Mary Snyder in the seventh grade, the girl who didn't exist? You just carried around a little pink Sweater and was like, "oh, I think she's in the bathroom.
" - I'm real, Brad.
But I could use a sweater.
- [laughs.]
Oh, my god.
You didn't have to do that! But that was pretty awesome.
- You didn't tell me you broke a sales record.
- Guys, we have a new sales goal.
We have one day to hit this number.
- One day? That's impossible.
- Mm-mm.
Not if everyone stays Focused and up-sells! Failure is not an option.
- I think what Mr.
Dempsy is saying is that if you fail, you will bring great dishonor on yourselves.
I will build a wall of shame and carve your likeness in it.
Decades from now, your children's Children will look upon your image and cry hot tears of embarrassment.
- Way to inspire the troops.
- I just said what was in my heart.
- Where the hell are Gupta and manmeet? - I feel like a street cleaner from the future.
[both laughing.]
[laser sound.]
- Yeah! [shooting sound.]
[firing sounds, humming.]
This shouldn't be too hard.
Our target is a giant sweaty white man in a flashing red Vest! [both laughing.]
- Oh, uh "two out of three.
Damn it! "Three out of five.
Damn it! "Eight out of six.
Numbers hurt my head.
" [power down sound.]
- I'm hit.
- I may not be so good with numbers - aah! - Aah! - But I can count to five.
You're dead.
[firing.]
- Save yourself, Gupta! - Run, Gupta, run! - Aah! - [firing sounds.]
- Run, Gupta, run! - Manmeet, where ya been? - Charlie challenged us to laser tag.
- Laser tag! Why would you even admit to that? Get back to work--now.
- How ruthless, sir.
My compliments.
May I ask why this sudden professionalism? - I just wanna hit our goal, you know? And I think we can do it if we eliminate breaks, personal calls, and have everyone work through lunch.
- Are you allowed to bring a guest with you to hawaii? Because I think I'm falling in love with the new Todd.
[thunder rumbles.]
[electric sizzle.]
- What? No! No! Come on! Not now! Ah [groaning.]
- sir? - Hmm? Who said that? - It's me, madhuri.
We haven't had a break all day, and we're hungry.
Can we go to the canteen to get food? - No.
I need everyone here for when the power comes back on.
You know, if we don't hit the ground running, we're never gonna reach our sales goal.
- [giggling.]
- Okay [thunder rumbles.]
who wrote, "Todd sucks"? - I don't know who wrote it, but I know we're all thinking it.
Todd, we're tired and hungry, and you're acting like a total rajiv.
[thunder rumbles.]
- [sighs.]
Okay.
You guys have to stay here, but I'll get food.
Would rajiv do that? - Oh! - Oh! - God, Gupta, do that at home! - I'm charging my flashlight.
- I don't care what you call it.
This is a pantry! There's food in there! - No.
It's one of our motion-powered lights.
- Why are you in here anyway? - I'm hiding from Charlie.
- Gimme that gun.
- No, but I need my-- - come on.
Let me get some food for everybody.
- Oh.
Okay, But, uh-- - Gupta did you eat everything in here? - I'm being hunted.
It's very stressful.
- Well, since you ate all the food, why don't you go to the canteen and get some snacks for everybody? - But it's dangerous in the dark.
Perhaps if I had protection say a laser gun? - Just take your Jack-O-lantern.
[thunder rumbling.]
- Charlie? If you're here, I am getting food for my coworkers.
It's a humanitarian mission.
Keep it together.
Aah! Ha.
Hi.
It's the wind.
Ha.
Remember to breathe.
[breathing heavily.]
Oh [chuckles.]
how can I be hungry again? Oh, no.
Come on! Come on.
Why is it taking so long? - Hmm.
So they do it too.
- Come on! - Before you finish you, I'm gonna finish you! - Oh, no! No! No! Charlie, I don't have a gun! Aah! - Hey! - Oh! No! [exciting music.]
Aaah! Aah! [beeping.]
- Happy Thanksgiving, honey.
- Uh, hey, you-- you too, mom.
[quietly.]
This really isn't the best time.
I'm at work right now.
- Oh, you're at work? I wanna see your office and meet everyone.
- Uho-Okay.
- Hello, madam.
My name is rajiv gidwani.
Todd did not inform me he had such a lovely sister.
- Oh! [giggling.]
Oh, I like him.
He--he's like a cappuccino Tom selleck.
- Okay, uh now, this is everybody else.
- Hello.
- Nice to meet you, madam.
- Hi, mrs.
Dempsy.
- Oh, aren't you pretty? Todd, what about her? - Okay, mom.
That about wraps her up.
- It was nice meeting all of you and and I wish you a happy Thanksgiving.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Or whatever your holiday is.
W-were there people in your country before you got there? - I googled an image of Mr.
Tom selleck, and may I just say thank you.
It's rare to see another man with a moustache on this level.
- Oh! Oh, my goodness.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Todd, I saved you a turkey leg.
- [laughs.]
Oh - and I'm gonna put it in the freezer for when you c-- for when you come-- I don't know when you're gonna come home, honey.
- Oh, come on, mom.
- I'm gonna double bag it.
[crying.]
- Oh, god.
Oh.
This nonsense has gone on long enough.
Come back.
I'll get ya a job.
- [whIspers.]
I have a job.
- That's quite a career selling fake Puke and rubber chickens.
- Hey, I manage an office, and I have a team of workers who take what we do very seriously.
- Ohhello! - Todd, it's time to grow up start a real life like your brother.
- [whIspering.]
I have a real life! All right? Maybe you'll take me more seriously when I win you that trip to hawaii.
- I thought you said you'd already won it.
- Look, you know, I-- there's a time difference.
I already won it here, but back home you guys are like eight hours behind.
So it makes-- - that's great, Todd.
Happy Thanksgiving.
[click.]
Where the hell did we go wrong with that one, Sharon? [traditional Indian music.]
- Game over, Gupta.
Oh, no.
- Now the game is over.
You underestimated me.
People have been underestimating me my whole life, and that is a mistake.
When I put my mind to something, there is nothing that can stop me! [sniffs.]
Do you smell cookies? - I think I do.
- That's cookies.
- Hey, dry yourself off.
- Oh.
Thanks, man.
I didn't even know we had towels.
- We don't.
Those are the world's largest granny panties.
[laughter.]
- I'm all right.
I just needed to get some fresh air, get a little rain on my face and Dead rats bouncing into my shins.
Do we have an tetanus shots in the first-aid kit? - We do not have a first-aid kit.
If someone gets hurt, it's cheaper to hire a new worker.
- Monsoon season is the worst.
It is.
You know, last year I got stuck at work and missed my brother's graduation.
My parents were so angry.
It seems unfair that they push me to work hard and then blame me when I do, you know? - Sir? My parents always thought I could do nothing better than work in a factory.
But then I got this job, and now I support my entire family.
Sometimes parents are wrong.
- When I was eight years old, I shared a chocolate bar with my dog kiki.
She ate it greedily, and died within seconds.
To this day, I cannot help but to think that I may have been at least partly to blame for her demise.
- What are you doing? We're trying to cheer Todd up.
- Oh, I just thought we were sharing.
- You killed that dog, man! - Now, guys, really I'm gonna be okay.
Thank you.
- Todd, I, uh I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.
My parents, they're pressuring me to getting married, and I-- - I don't know why I never tried some of these indian desserts before.
They're not bad.
- Deep-Fried dough is deep-Fried dough, no matter what country you're in.
- Sorry I went overboard and hunted you like a deer.
But you are brown and eat mostly vegetables.
- Ha ha ha.
It's okay.
Yeah, it doesn't matter now.
Look at us-- an indian and a white man Breaking bread together.
This is just like your thanksgiving holiday.
- Hmm.
You're right.
I don't know if they ever told you what happened right after Thanksgiving but it went something like this.
[firing sounds.]
[power down sound.]
Pilgrims two.
Indians zero.
Ha - deep-Fried dough.
- So good.
- Listen up, everybody.
So there's only a couple minutes left in the day, and it looks like we're gonna fall short of our sales goal.
- Ah - but that's okay, you know? We tried.
- I would like to buy ten farting santas.
- I wish to purchase 100 federal bikini inspector badges.
- I will buy - Guys, I appreciate it, but I can't have you spending all your hard-earned money.
- Oh, thank God.
That's a month's salary, man.
- But what about the bonus trip for your father? Won't you be shamed? - I don't care about that anymore.
You know, my dad was so convinced that me coming here was a mistake that he almost had me believing it.
You guys proved him wrong.
[electric sizzle.]
Oh all right.
Have a good night, guys.
- Sit back down.
You are not dismissed.
- Come on, rajiv.
It's been a long day.
They worked their Butts off.
Let's just call it a night.
- No.
They must maintain their positions.
It's still a work day.
The power could return at any moment.
You see, sir no one is moving.
When I speak, people listen, because I am not their friend.
They respect me and fear me.
That is True power.
- Go, go, go!