Partners (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Joe, the roofer called.
The materials for the Podelle house should be in by tomorrow.
Thank you, Ro-Ro.
Anything for me? I'll tell you later.
[ Scoffs .]
What do you mean you'll tell me later? You're my assistant.
Tell me now.
The laser-hair-removal place called.
They don't do balls.
You happy now? Why would I be Why would I be happy? I have no idea what you're talking about.
[ Inhales deeply .]
Try the place on 14th street.
Tell them it's a "code: Fuzzy.
" Can I just say, as your par, we should probably spend a little more time talking about architecture, since that is our job, yeah? Less balls, more walls.
What's going on with you? You're off today.
Huh? I-I'm not off.
I just would love to finish this model.
So can we please do that? No.
No.
No.
You're off.
Something's wrong.
It's Ali, isn't it? Something bad has happened since the engagement.
[ Chuckles .]
Nothing is wrong.
Let's finish the model.
No, no, no, no.
I know you better than anybody, Joe.
Something's wrong.
Ali has hurt you, hasn't she? She didn't hurt me.
No, I don't get hurt.
Yes, she has.
She has hurt you.
Show me on the model where Ali hurt you.
I'm not doing this.
Was it the living room, Joe? Did she hurt you in the living How about the kitchen? Was it the kitchen? Did Ali hurt you in the kitchen? Was it the bedroom? Oh, my God.
She hurt you in the bedroom.
Oh, my God! You guys aren't having sex! I'm not talking about this with you.
Ohh, Joe! You just got engaged! have such different views on what lesbians do.
How long has it been? [ Sighs .]
I have no idea.
Joe! [ Chuckling .]
Come on.
I don't keep track of that kind of stuff.
How long? I mean, if I had to guess, I'd say [Scoffs.]
I don't know Like, nine days or something.
Exactly nine days.
Ohh, Joe.
Well, she's been working really hard.
You know, she's exhausted.
I thought you said she got some help at the store.
She did.
She hired her cousin Renata, but she's insane.
Uh, it was a favor to her fy, so, um Look, Ali's such a good person.
She has a hard time saying no to anyone.
And I know what you're thinking.
She was able to say no to me.
But, no, what I'm saying is that she's Ali's a very giving person.
And once again, I've set a trap for myself.
Uh look, what I mean is The bottom line is, Ali just has a hard time blowing anyone off.
Why don't you talk? You want me to say something to her? Why would you possibly think that's appropriate? No, I don't want you to say something to her, okay? Ali will come around.
This will all sort itself out.
Well, I could just casually mention something.
Uh, you've never "casual"" done anything in your life, so, uh, try staying out of it, Louis, okay? If you get involved, I am sewed.
[ Imagine dragons' "on top of the world" plays .]
'cause I'm on top of the world, hey! I'm on top of the world, hey! waiting on this for a while now been dreaming of this since a child [ sighs .]
Hi, Wyatt.
Oh, hey, Ro-Ro.
Wyatt, you are one fine-looking man.
You know that? Oh.
Well, you have a fun look, too, Ro-Ro.
Let me ask you something You still gay? I was this morning.
Yeah, I was an "a" cup this morning.
Things change.
Call me.
Hey, Joe.
Ready to go to the gym? Ohh.
Is that is that today? I, uh I guess you, uh, didn't get my e-mail.
Oh, did you send me an e-mail? No, I didn't.
Um But that's because the, um I-I have a thing T-the painful It's a shooting pai Uh, I-it's hurting me.
It might be bad.
Well, you're in luck I'm a nurse.
Let me take a look at it.
Oh, you know what? I'm a little ticklish.
And I feel like my high-pitched giggle will make us both really uncomfortable.
Joe, you're the one who asked me to work out with you to help you get into better shape for the wedding.
Y-you're right.
Wyatt, you are you are right.
So, I tell you what we're gonna do.
Today's obviously a bust.
We spent way too much time talking just now.
Uh, but, uh We'll work out every day for the rest of this week, huh? Uh, except tomorrow, because I'm on a deadline.
And wednesday because I have to be available for the client because of tomorrow's deadline.
So, uh, so we're looking at thursday through sunday.
But let's face it neither of us wants to work out on the weekends or casual friday, so thursday it is.
Oh, and thursday's not good for me.
I just cleared my entire schedule for you! Well, I'm sorry, but thursday's kind of a big day for me.
It's my sober birthday.
Oh.
Hey, yeah, that's right, man.
Happy Birthday.
How old are you gonna be? Five.
Five years clean and sober.
Oh.
Hey, uh, you look great for five, you know? Very physically mature.
[ Laughs .]
You're like those Israeli kids I went to camp with that had to shave every day before flag.
[ Laughs .]
I'm not much of a laugher, but that seemed kind of funny.
I'll see you.
Uh, so, what are you and Louis gonna do for your sober birthday? Probably nothing.
I don't think he remembers.
Oh.
You want me to say something to him? No.
You shouldn't have to.
I'll remind him tonight while we're brushing our teeth.
[ Chuckles .]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I don't want to hear about your alternative lifestyle, okay? [ Chuckling .]
I don't want to hear about that.
That's hilarious.
I think these are perfect for you.
I also made them in rose gold and silver.
You know what? I think I'll take them in the rose gold.
Great.
Renata, can you wrap this up for me? Oh, sure.
Okay, you need to get out of the store right now.
No.
[ Chuckles .]
No.
I'm sorry.
She's new.
She hasn't quite figured out the intricacies of working in a store.
Could you just come back in 10 minutes and I'll have these ready for you? Okay.
Renata, when I said "wrap it up," I meant, "get a box for the earrings"" okay.
I'm sorry.
Don't lose patience with me.
I am not losing patience.
I'm gonna get all of this.
Just don't give up on me, like the others did.
I won't give up on you.
Well, Larry said that, but then when he found out my hands were too shaky to marry ketchups, I was outie, like Kelly ripa's belly button.
[ Chuckles .]
Truck-stop diners are intense.
Everyone was on crystal.
She was the dishwasher.
But if you have faith in me, I promise I Just wrap the earrings.
This is how it started with Larry.
Hey! Hi! What are you doing here? Is that my belt? Someone had to wear it right.
What are you doing here? [ Chuckling .]
What Can't a fella just press his nose up against a jewelry-store window and dream? What are you doing here? Okay, well, I was gonna come by and casually mention the problems that you and Joe are having in the bedroom, but somebody told me that would be inappropriate.
[ Chuckling .]
No, no.
No, no.
N what? Unh-unh.
This is not happening.
I love you.
We can go to yoga.
You can trim my bangs.
We can even share accessories.
But you are not allowed to have an opinion about my sex life with Joe.
Do you understand that? Perfectly.
I you know, you're absolutely right.
I'm sorry.
I-I-I'm just gonna take off.
Good luck.
Well, you already started to say something, so you might as well finish.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You were right.
You were right.
It's none of my business.
I'm just gonna go.
- Don't push it! - Okay, here's the deal.
You need to have more sex with Joe.
It's been nine days.
Joe is falling apart.
I told him this great story this morning, and he just stood there staring at me like some sad, sex-deprived owl.
Hoo! Hoo! [ Sighs .]
Does Joe know you're talking to me about this? No.
But he more or less said it would be okay if I did.
What were his words exactly? "Don't get involved.
" He's right! This is none of your business! Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're right.
Has it really been nine days? Exactly nine days.
I have just been so busy.
It it should get better.
I brought on help.
I wrapped the earrings.
Smaller box, please.
I love Joe, but I am so tired.
I know, honey.
Hey, if it was you and me, we'd have a perfect marriage.
Go home, no sex, TV, baked potato, one good fart, and off to bed.
That sounds heavenly.
I know.
I know.
What you need to do right now is make sure that Joe knows in his guts that you want him.
I do want him.
Then show him! Take a power nap, splash some cold water on your face, and go home wearing nothing but these.
Right here.
Yeah? Look at that.
See that? You know what? You are not a good person.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Please be more specific.
Ali and I had the most incredible sex last night.
No, no, it probably was the best sex of my life.
Yeah, no, it was like Cirque Du Soleil in our bedroom.
Mm-hmm.
At one point I felt three hands on my body, and not one of them was mine.
So, you had a good night.
What's that have to do with me? I know you talked to Ali.
[ Chuckling .]
That's crazy.
Louis, uh, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't talk to Ali.
[ Inhales deeply .]
I didn't talk to Ali.
Oh, no.
Look me in the eye.
I didn't talk to her! Uh, my eyes are here.
I'm looking you in the eyes.
Okay.
Now tell me you didn't talk to Ali.
I didn't talk to Ali.
What the hell is wrong with you?! What are you so upset about? You had French-Canadian circus sex with a female business owner.
I-I don't need your help with my fiancée.
I need you to promise me you'll stay out of my relationship.
Fine.
Look at me.
I promise.
Don't do it again.
Where's Joe? Oh, I don't know.
Joe's mad at me because I don't mind my own business.
What's that? What'd it cost? Who's it for? Dinner for him and Ali.
Tell him I put it in the fridge.
Since when are you picking up dinner for Joe? I've done it every night since they got engaged.
She's not cooking for him? Ali, meet chicken.
Chicken, Ali.
[ Laughs .]
What is this? This is a chicken.
This one did not make it across the road.
Lame jokes for $1,000? Anyone? Anyone? No? You want me to wrap this up for you? It's a chicken.
Oh.
Excellent choice.
I'll get a box.
Renata! What? Oh.
It's a chicken.
I wasn't even You just make me so nervous that I can't I guess I'll just go get my stuff from your assistant and go.
You are my assistant.
[ Chuckles .]
Then who did I give my purse to? Listen I see you, I feel you.
I love everything about you.
And I can change it all.
You don't even know me.
Are you in, or are you out? - I am so in.
- All right.
Why are you here? First of all, Kadooze on giving it up to Joe last night.
Whatever you did, you did it well.
And now it's time for this.
I am not having sex with a chicken.
No.
No.
No.
I am not asking you to bone a chicken.
I'm asking you to debone a chicken.
And then cook it.
Here is my recipe for zesty lemon chicken.
And if you're feeling ambitious, I also gave you the instructions for a three-minute banana bread.
He's the man.
Make him dinner.
We both work.
He gets home earlier than I do.
Why can't he make me dinner? Oh, I'm sorry, miss Ms I didn't realize you were an undergrad women's studies major experimenting with lesbianism right now.
And I didn't realize you were mamie eisenhower.
[ Laughing .]
First of all Kadooze on the mamie eisenhower reference.
And second of all, I will tell you what all you modern hipster chicks are afraid to admit and what nobody but your grandmother or your gay best friend will tell you Every man wants to be married to a 1950s housewife.
Minus the racism.
He told you he wants me to make him dinner? No, he did not.
But You should do it for him anyway.
It'll make him happy.
I think we're done here.
Do you think I'm wrong? Of course I think you're wrong! Okay, look me in the eye and tell me that you think I am wrong.
Fine.
You're wrong.
Ali, my eyes are over here.
I know.
You're wrong! Want to try that one more time? Give me the recipe.
And that belt looks better on me.
- Does it? - Yes.
Hey, Joe.
Ready for your workout? I guess you didn't get my call.
Oh, did you call? Not at all.
[ Sighs .]
Look, I don't want to work out Kind of ever.
[ Chuckles .]
But you look fantastic.
I mean, how about I borrow your arms for my wedding and we can call it a day? Gosh, Joe, I just wish you would have called.
[ Sighs .]
I'm sorry I blew up just now.
I'm a little on edge.
You didn't remind Louis about your sober birthday on thursday, did you? No, I decided not to.
Well, let me say something.
No you shouldn't have to remind him about something that's important to me.
I need to know that I'm his priority.
Hey, Wyatt.
You can make me your priority.
You know what I mean? That's not even dirty.
On my boobs.
How's that, smart guy? I wasn't even talking to you! [ Sighs .]
I should go.
Just remember if you're not gonna work out, eat well.
Lean proteins and vegetables.
Go easy on the sweets.
All right.
And watch that temper.
Yeah.
Hi.
Is this Sammy's bakery? I'd like to order the three-Berry cake with chocolate swirl.
[ Chuckling .]
Hey.
You are not gonna believe what Ali did for me last night.
If you make a motorboat sound, I am leaving this office.
She made me chicken.
[ Gasps .]
She made you chicken! She made me chicken! Was it great? No.
But was it good? No.
But it was the first time she's ever cooked for me.
Out of nowhere.
Amazing, huh? Amazing.
You know what she is? She's game.
She's a gamer.
I know.
I'm so lucky, right? I mean, it really was the blandest chicken I've ever had.
It was like eating an enya cd.
Oh.
But God bless her.
She tried.
She tried, yeah.
She tried.
She tried.
Next time, she'll just use more lemons.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anyway, I called the contractor, and I said What do you mean, "next time, she'll use more lemons"? What? Huh? Oh.
Yeah.
Uhh b-because Yeah, because you said that the chicken was bland.
Yeah, but I never said it was lemon chicken.
Uhh yeah, you did.
No, I think you did.
Yeah, you said it was zesty lemon chicken.
Oh, I definitely didn't say "zesty.
" You didn't say "zesty"? Oh, I heard "zesty.
" No.
[ Chuckles .]
I've never used the word.
I've made a conscious effort never to use the word "zesty"" that is not true! Where were we when you said the word "zesty"? We were I know where we were.
You were describing that thing that had a lot of zest.
You said something to Ali! [ Groans .]
You told her to cook me dinner, didn't you? No, I did not.
What is wrong With you?! Of course I talked to her, Joe! What, do you think she just turned into Ann romney overnight? What difference does it make? You're happy, aren't you? I'm very happy It's the best sex and Worst chicken I've ever had in my life.
Then why are you yelling at me? Because you promised me you wouldn't say anything.
That was about sex.
This is about chicken.
They're two completely different things Unless you're a rooster.
You lied to me, Louis.
You see? You promised me you wouldn't do this, and you did it anyway.
You cannot help yourself.
You cannot not get into my business.
You know, you have a real problem.
I do have a problem.
Yeah, you have a problem.
Yeah, I have a problem with you.
No, I have a problem with you.
Oh, what what could possibly be your problem with me? I will tell you what my problem with you is.
I always do things for you to make your life better, and you never do anything like that for me.
- Wow.
Wow.
- Wow.
Yeah, wow.
No, you wow! No, you wow! I take care of you, Joe! I take care of you, Louis.
[ Scoffs .]
Maybe I'm just not as flamboyant about it.
"Flamboyant"? I smell a hateful code word.
Oh, give me a break.
Oh, why don't you just for once stop yelling at me and thank me for what I've done? Oh, hey, why stop at "thank you"? Maybe I should just throw you a parade.
"Parade" another hostile euphemism for "gay"" noted.
Filed.
Mother and I will see you in court.
Ro-Ro, get my attorney! [ Door slams .]
Elphaba, why aren't you eating? Don't listen to Louis.
You're supposed to have jowls.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't even get me started! I'm in here.
Don't even get me started! Here.
Don't even get me started! I never have to.
I wish you knew what I had to go through at work.
The things I do for Joe.
Just once, I would like to get a thank-you.
Thank you.
Oh, that's so sweet, hush puppy, but it means almost nothing coming from you.
No, I'm thanking you for the cake you had delivered today.
For the what, now? The cake you sent from Sammy's for my sober birthday.
Three-Berry with chocolate swirl my favorite.
It was here when I got home.
Oh my God.
I have to admit, I-I thought you forgot.
[ Sighs .]
Wyatt, my love, how could I ever possibly forget your 5th birthday? And the best part is the card.
I thought so, too.
Read it to me.
I want to make sure they got it right.
Ah.
"Dear hush puppy, you are, and always will be, my priority.
I am so proud of you.
Love, Louis.
" [ Sighs .]
Oh, my go-o-o-o-d.
That is so sweet.
I thought so, too.
I'm not much of a crier, but I'm very moved.
I'm kind of overwhelmed.
I mean, this is just such a thoughtful thing to do.
Yeah.
It's it's nice.
"Nice"? It's beautiful.
It's it's it's It's quietly beautiful.
Boy, you're really getting carried away with your own gesture.
Sorry.
It's just You bring out the best in me.
Go watch your programs.
I'm gonna make you zesty lemon tofu.
[ Sighs .]
Elphaba, you've had enough! You've had enough.
Get, get, get.
Hey, hey.
You take care of me I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't get that.
You take great care of me no, you know what it is? It's the acoustics in here.
You take better care of me than I could ever possibly take care of you just one more time.
One more time.
It's the buzzing from the fluorescent lights.
That's all you're gonna get.
That's it.
I'll take it.
Thank you, Joe.
Thank you, Louis.
And in the future, if you ever want to do something nice for me without telling me, feel free.
And in the future, if you ever want to do something nice for me without telling me, tell me first.
Got it.
Good news I found a hair-removal place that will depilatize Mary-Kate and Ashley over there.
[ Chuckles .]
I have no idea Really? What did you even [ Laughs .]
Just go.
Okay.
[ Clears throat .]
I'll be back by lunch, smooth like a baby mouse.
And he was gonna sue me?