Party of Five s01e05 Episode Script

All's Fair

CLAUDIA: Hey, Julia? I was wondering.
When you get breasts, does it happen right away? I mean, can you see them growing? Not unless you use Miracle Gro.
Just asking.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Justin.
Hey, Jule.
Uh, you weren't at the yearbook meeting, so I brought by a schedule.
I don't know about the yearbook this year.
Yeah.
Well, I figured you probably missed it on purpose, but, you know, just in case.
Yeah, well, thanks, I guess.
CLAUDIA: Julia! How come girls stop having their period when they get old? I don't know.
I guess so they won't have kids when they're too old to take care of them.
I took her to that health class film yesterday.
If nipples are for breast-feeding, how come boys have them, too? God, Claudia, they just do, okay? Oh.
Hi, Justin.
How come you never come over anymore? Well, I guess Julia's too busy to hang out with me now.
Yeah.
Really busy.
Talking on the phone.
Reading magazines.
Claudia, go fill the ice trays, okay? Well, if you ever run out of magazines, you should call me.
We could go out.
Yeah.
Sure.
Oh, we're seeing a movie tomorrow, me and Libby and some people.
I don't know, Justin.
I'm kind of You're busy.
Yeah, sorry.
See you.
What? [SCHOOL BELL RINGING.]
Hey, man.
Hey.
How's practice? Lame, as always.
Markum dropped a few key passes.
Yeager told stupid jokes in the shower.
You know.
This suspension is so totally unfair.
Trust me, Bay.
You're not missing much.
That's easy for you to say.
You're not the one who suddenly has nothing to do.
No team stuff, no way to meet girls, no hanging out.
You really miss stuff like that when it just disappears.
You think there's any way Coach would bring me back? I don't know.
I mean, not for me.
You know, for the team.
You guys are playing Atherton tomorrow.
Yeah, we're gonna get stomped.
Right.
So what if Monday morning, Coach just happens to, like, run into me in the hall? He'll start thinking.
What, that we wouldn't have lost if you'd been playing? I know I'm not the strongest guy on the squad, but No, but you are the fastest.
We're completely screwed without you.
Yeah, so I figure, you guys pile on a few more losses, and I stay in Coach's face, he'll ask me back on.
He might.
He has to.
Peas, Charlie? Yeah, you know, little round, green I said apricots.
So I improvised.
Come on, you can't stay mad at me when I'm being such a good helper.
Owen hates peas.
Here you go, slugger.
Charlie! What did you do to the nice lady to put her in such a bad mood? It wasn't him.
It was someone else.
Someone irritating and meddlesome and incredibly unreliable.
She means me.
Look, I apologize.
What more do you want from me? Excuse me, I have to tell you.
You two remind me so much of me and my husband when we were new parents.
Oh, no-- You'd kill him if he weren't so damn lovable, wouldn't you? Don't go giving her any ideas now.
Oh, such a beautiful family.
You're a very lucky young couple.
I believe the word was lovable? [DOORBELL RINGING.]
Rough night in the field, huh? Well So tell me, exactly how humiliating was the loss? Details.
I want details.
Actually, Bay Actually, Bay, we-- we kind of won.
You what? I don't know.
I guess we just got lucky or something.
Lucky? Against Atherton? They were division champs last year.
Yeah, well, they played well and all, but You just played better.
I'm sorry, Bay.
It just kind of happened.
NINA: Knock knock.
Is Julia upstairs? Yeah.
So what's the deal with this Roger Cooley kid? Everyone at the coffee house said he did, like, this amazing thing.
It was Yeah, it was kind of cool.
Who's Roger Cooley? The new cornerback.
He came up from JV last week.
He, like, ran all the way across the field or something? Down it.
Yeah.
I was cornerback.
Then he scored a goal or something I don't know.
A touchdown.
Yeah.
Right.
Whatever.
Anyway, they're, like, calling him "Rocket Roger.
" It's weird.
My replacement won the game? Yeah, but you know how it is.
A lot of guys have one good play in them, and then they never-- Just forget it, Will.
Coach is never gonna ask me back on the team, is he? Hi, guys.
Bye, guys.
Brother's in slumberland, and I'm out of here.
Some guy called for you while you were giving Owen a bath.
Stu someone? Again? Really? Ooh.
I'll have to do something about that.
I think he's got a little thing for me.
And you're not interested? Well, he's nice enough.
He's in this undergrad course I'm TA-ing, but he's 19.
And that's that's too young? I take care of babies, Bailey.
I don't date them.
See you in the morning.
Bottle of house white and two glasses to table 14.
Got it.
Well, what brings you here? I just turned in a big paper.
A friend wanted to take me out and celebrate.
Salinger's a long ways from Berkeley.
Yeah, well, my friend's a big oyster fiend, and you always say how great they are here, so do you mind? No, no.
Not at all.
It'll be fun for all of us.
Excuse me.
That's my chair.
Charlie, this is Lisa.
She's in my Freud class.
Lisa, Charlie Salinger.
My, um boss, I guess.
Oh, the one who sleeps late and doesn't separate the wash? I hear you're in the mood for oysters.
In a big way.
You got it.
He's gorgeous.
I know, but I don't know.
So he was a little flaky They're all like that in the beginning.
Honest to God, I think you're crazy.
Maybe.
NINA: This is cool.
Can I borrow it? Sure.
I stole it from Charlie.
I'm going to the beach tonight with Drew Stark.
The guy from my science class? Since when have you been seeing him? Since a couple days ago.
What happened to Greg? Oh, please.
He's so immature.
Drew is the coolest, Julia.
He's cute, and he's funny.
And he's a senior.
Is he? It's a junior class.
Well, I know.
He's not Mr.
Honor Roll, but he's really sexy.
Are you two Not yet, but things could happen at the beach.
You just started going out with him.
I know, but things just-- I don't know-- things just happened kind of fast, you know? When I'm with him, he makes me feel like I've never felt before.
Like how? Well, like you know how, when you're with a guy, it just feels like you belong together? Yeah.
And then you're fooling around and you just kind of want him to go further? Mm-hmm.
Well, it's like that, only much, more more.
Hey, how was the celebrating? It was great, but I'm a little drunk.
Where's Freud? She went home to fight with her boyfriend.
Sounds like fun.
They have a very passionate relationship.
Passion's good.
Well good passion's good, but bad passion is Bad? And that's the whole problem.
What is? Good passion and bad passion.
They're like like, um this.
Listen I know this is a really big favor to ask, but But what? I was wondering if you could take me home.
To my home.
Sure.
[DOOR OPENING.]
Privacy, Claudia.
It's a word.
Look it up.
Julia I have a question.
It's about intercourse.
I mean, what does it feel like? Does it hurt? What? Because it seems like it would.
I don't know, Claudia.
Will you just get out of here? Come on.
I just want to know.
Just beat it, okay? This is my beautiful home.
It's dark.
It's cheap.
It's nice.
It's spinning.
You're gonna have a killer headache tomorrow.
Where's your Aspirin? In the bathroom.
Why don't I give you a hand with that? Tah-dah.
What a nice guy.
Uh Let me-- let me get you an Aspirin.
Where was the bathroom again? In the west wing.
Right.
Yes.
You know, Kirsten, I wouldn't have figured you for the black lace type.
I'd have said Kirsten? Kirsten? Kirsten! Huh.
P.
A.
: Attention, students.
Due to the large turnout expected, this afternoon's pep rally for the football team will be moved from the clubhouse to the large gymnasium.
[BELL RINGS.]
Hey, you missed a really great movie.
Yeah? Yeah.
Well, I mean, you didn't miss it, it's still playing, but Maybe you can get your new friends to take you.
Maybe.
Listen, Justin, I I know.
I got to go.
I'm a real busy guy.
Julia Oh, my God.
What was it like? It was great.
I mean, it's supposed to not be perfect right away, I think, but I think it will get better.
So, do you feel different? Kind of, yeah.
I mean, I can't stop thinking about it.
He's just so cool.
Oh, my God.
I have class with him, like, right now.
How am I going to look at him? Just the way you always did.
I know, but I'm gonna to be thinking Well, you know what I'm gonna be thinking.
Well, speak of the devil.
Hey, Nina.
What are you doing here? Julia told me she had a class with you, so I thought I'd follow her.
[BELL JINGLES.]
Bill? What do you think of the new uniform? Huh? It's sporty.
Yeah, isn't it? So what brings you in here? You don't come on till 5:00.
Yeah, well I suddenly have a lot of time on my hands.
In fact, uh, I was wondering if I could take on more hours.
Sure.
Let me get you a uniform.
Here you go.
This ought to fit you.
So these extra hours just for this week? No.
Every week.
[MUMBLING.]
The rest of my miserable life.
Hey.
How's the head? Just the person I wanted to speak to.
About last night Yeah, about that.
I couldn't help noticing that, uh you seem to have forgiven me.
Exactly how did I demonstrate that forgiveness? In no ways that you have any reason to be embarrassed about.
I knew that.
Anyway, I'm still mad at you.
But, um we're adults, right? We can move past that, and, uh acknowledge an obvious mutual attraction.
[♪.]
Um, wait, Charlie.
I don't think we should do this here.
Why not here? Here's good.
Because, it's too distracting.
I can't do this with you and take care of Owen at the same time.
He's cool with it.
I asked him.
This is my job.
I wouldn't ask you to fool around at Salinger's.
I know, but we can fix that about you.
No, really.
Anything between us has to happen outside this house.
You're serious, aren't you? I'm afraid so.
But, um I'm free tonight.
I'm working.
But Joe owes me time.
I'll get off early.
Come by the restaurant for dinner.
Okay.
You know, um What? Nothing.
It's-- it's stupid.
Tell me.
I, um I used to get dragged to church when I was little, and, uh, I hated it, so I'd just stare at the angels on the ceiling, and they always had this beautiful goldish hair.
Like yours.
So you just reminded me of an angel, I guess.
That's really nice.
I hate this rule.
Okay.
These are the racquetball, and these are the tennis.
What if I want to power walk? Up the hill, you know, for cardio? A walking shoe.
Clean this stuff up, huh? I can't think with all these boxes.
[BELL JINGLES.]
Excuse me.
Do you work here? No, you just wear that for fun, right? Smart, Kate.
Oh, it's a common mistake.
How can I help you? I need new running shoes.
Nothing fancy, you know, just something reliable.
Excuse me.
Hello? Power walkers? I was here first.
Yes you were.
So So Bill? Yeah? Uh, this nice woman would like to see some power walkers-- size nine? He'll be helping you now.
So, uh, nothing fancy, just something reliable.
I think I can help you.
What are you doing home so early? You always seem to have such a full social calendar.
Not today.
Everyone's busy.
With their boyfriends mostly.
Oh, the old "get a boyfriend and dump your friends" thing.
If I had a boyfriend, I'd do the same thing.
I bet you tons of guys want to go out with you.
Actually, just one.
Not exactly the love of your life? No, but you know, so what? Who says you have to be in love? Everyone says it's not so good the first time anyway.
Are we talking about sex? Yeah, I mean, why not just get it over with? At least then you've done it.
You know, it's it's not really my place to tell you how to approach this, but if you're confused, you should talk to your brother.
Charlie? Great.
He'd help.
He's been through it.
Yeah.
About 8 million times.
This is love as Charlie knows it-- invite a girl over, give her one of his famous lines, like, "your skin is like silk," or "your hair reminds me of an angel," convince her to sleep with him in his van, and then never call her again.
Not the most sensitive guy on earth.
Isn't it weird that men have an average of eight sexual partners by the time they're 30 and women only have three? Yes, Claudia.
It's very weird.
I don't know.
What do you think? Honestly? Get the cheap ones.
They're just as good.
Really? Yeah, except with these, you pay 15 bucks for the fancy colors.
Couldn't you get in trouble giving that kind of advice? Not if you don't tell anyone.
I'll take these terribly expensive running shoes, please.
Fine.
Okay All right, Kate.
That'll be $58.
46.
How did you know my name? You said it.
"Smart, Kate.
" Oh, that's right.
Well Thanks for the shoes Bailey.
[BELL JINGLES.]
You should've gotten her number.
It's okay.
She'll be back.
Hey, Justin, it's me.
Listen, what's the chem assignment? Uh-huh.
Okay.
You know, I was thinking about that movie.
About going.
Yeah, well, with you.
You don't have to sound so surprised.
Oh, you probably don't want to see it again.
You sure? Great.
Cool.
Okay, well, uh Yeah, I'll see you then.
Bye.
I thought someone was meeting you.
So did I.
You want to tell me why I waited like an idiot for an hour and a half last night? What makes you angrier, you had to wait, or you didn't get me into your van? What do you mean? I sold the van.
I'm speaking metaphorically, Charlie.
You understand metaphor.
"Your hair is like an angel's.
" That's metaphor.
How did you know? That's irrelevant.
What matters is that I have no desire to be one of your many conquests.
I don't want that.
Neither do I.
Well, then why did you use that stupid line? I don't know! Well, I do! No, wait.
Look Yes, all right, it's a line.
I-- I just-- I guess I didn't know what else to say.
I mean, I knew I wanted to say something nice, and I knew that was nice, so I said it.
Doesn't that happen to you, where you just kind of don't have the words? Rarely.
Well, excuse me.
I'm not perfect.
I mean, I I mean, yeah.
Sure, I haven't always been a saint when it comes to girls.
But this isn't I mean, that's-- that's-- that's not what this is.
You're, you know, you're completely different.
Not an angel? So not an angel.
Okay? Pretty okay.
Okay enough to try dinner again? We could.
Tonight? All right.
Did you know that 60 million sperms are deposited in a woman every time she has intercourse? She's been obsessed with sex lately.
I'm hoping it goes away.
What, by itself? Yeah.
No? Charlie, she's confused.
She needs someone to talk to, answer her questions.
Yeah, but-- By not talking about it, you're sending her a message that sex is something bad or shameful or dirty.
Wait, don't stop.
That-- that was working for me.
P.
A.
: Pharmacy, pick up line two.
There's so many kinds.
It's like shampoo.
How do you choose? Well, I guess you just have to try out a bunch and see which one you like best.
Mint.
Well, I guess which one you use can make a big difference, you know, like, make it better or something.
Is there something you're not telling me? No, it's just always best to be prepared, you know.
Just in case.
I'm so proud of you.
WOMAN: Excuse me.
Can I help-- hey! Someone made a mistake.
These shoes don't match.
I don't know how this could've happened.
Shocking, isn't it? I'm really sorry you had to come all the way down here.
That's all right.
I had to meet someone down here anyway.
Why, this is just-- this is just inexcusable.
I just, I-- Boy, I just I feel awful.
Look, you have to let me make this up to you.
It's no big deal.
Oh, sure, for you maybe, but what about for me? I mean, if this ever got out if Consumer Affairs ever found out about this, I could be stripped of my license to sell shoes.
They wouldn't dream of it.
No, don't you doubt it for a minute.
So, you see, it's crucial that you let me make this up to you.
Now, what are you doing right now? Hmm.
Oh, I don't-- Please.
My career depends on it.
No, I can't, I'm going out.
[OWEN CRYING.]
Just talk to her for five minutes.
Look, if you don't, she's gonna get the idea that sex is something bad or shameful or dirty.
If it's so important, why don't you do it? I got some Tylenol.
I hope it works.
He's been crying for hours.
Sometimes the fever just stays up till the tooth breaks.
How long does that take? It could be hours, days.
CLAUDIA: It could be days? Don't worry.
I'll stay with him.
But didn't you have plans tonight? They can be rescheduled.
No.
I won't let you do that.
Charlie, she's a grownup.
She can do what she wants.
[OWEN COOING.]
So, six sugars, huh? Thank you.
Care much about your teeth? I floss daily.
So, do you live near here? Sometimes.
My parents are divorced, so I split time between them-- one week with her, one week with him.
Oh, that's neat.
It's a nightmare.
That's what I meant.
Especially now in cross-country season.
It's one big psychodrama every weekend.
What, at-- at races? Yeah.
I guess all four of my parents must've read the same book on being supportive, because now they're all showing up at my meets.
Well, so then you have your own big cheering section.
That's cool.
Yeah, until I finish and they all want to congratulate me.
If I hug my mom first, my dad gets hurt.
If I hug my dad first, my mom gets hurt, and if I hug my stepfather first, Mom and Dad both get hurt.
Thank God my stepmother's a cold fish who hates hugging.
I take it your parents aren't divorced.
Um no.
It must be nice to have a normal family.
Um it's it's not exactly normal.
What's not normal about it? [HORN HONKING.]
I've got to go.
Who's that? That's Tom my boyfriend.
This was really sweet.
What was? Just all of it.
[HORN HONKS.]
I'm sorry.
I gotta go.
Okay.
I was really more scared by the audience screaming than the movie.
Yeah, before, when I came, this woman screeched in my ear the whole two hours.
You should've heard it.
I'm glad I didn't.
I didn't want to come with a big group.
I wanted to come with you.
I thought you didn't like me.
God, girls are hard to read.
Come here.
We're right in the middle of the street.
You can come over.
My parents.
They'd wait up for me.
They always do.
But, uh, we could tomorrow they have their bridge night.
They'll be out until midnight.
Uh, we could go out.
Or I'll just come over.
Yeah or that.
Look.
There's that moron from our chem class.
What's his name, Drew? Jeez, somebody get them a room.
Hey, Neen Pillow? If I get a fever, will you spend the night in my room? I promise.
Here you go.
Take this one.
Thanks for the bed, Bailey.
I really appreciate it.
No sweat.
Hey, Charlie? You ever get the feeling the gods just don't like us? [SIGHS.]
All the time, Bay.
All the time.
WILL: So she's got a boyfriend.
There are a lot of others who don't.
She's better than the others.
Yeah, well, they all seem better when you first meet them.
Well, so what, Will? So what if I'm just imagining that going out with her would make this whole stupid football season tolerable? I just meant-- And you know what really pisses me off? I bet you this boyfriend is one of those guys who gets whatever he wants, no matter what he does.
Guys like that, they could kill the pope or something, and everything would still go their way.
And then there's me.
I always do the right thing, and nothing I want to happen happens.
You could try to steal her away.
Bailey's not that kind of guy.
What? What, I'm more the "lie there and take it" kind? Shut up, Bailey.
I meant it in a good way.
Well, why shouldn't I keep trying for her? Yeah, why shouldn't he? Girls switch boyfriends all the time.
Well, what are you gonna do? Just call her up and tell her to break up with him and go out with you instead? No, I'm gonna, you know I'm just gonna hang around her a lot.
Yeah.
You know just be there all the time.
Yeah.
Gee, why didn't I think of that? And then, you know, eventually she'll fall for me.
Like a ton of bricks.
And why is that again? Duh.
He's Bailey.
How's Owen? Tooth's in, fever's down.
We're in the clear.
I'm off tonight, so as soon as you're finished here-- We'll have dinner at my place.
This is great.
No! What? No! Get out of it! Swap with someone! I can't.
We have a deal.
I'm not happy.
You know, this thing's not gonna work if no one remembers to turn it.
It's your turn? Uh-huh.
So you two can finally have some privacy.
You talk in your sleep.
Bailey, wait a sec.
Wait a sec.
You're okay with this? Yeah.
I don't know, Charlie, I mean, I thought about what you said about the age stuff.
I think you were right.
Really? And besides, I met someone.
She's, uh she's and she's 16.
He promised that we'd do something, and when I tried him at 11:00 at night, his mom said he was out.
Did you talk to him today? Mm-mm.
No.
He was at practice.
Jerk.
It's not just that he's dumping me, you know, because I could deal with that.
But I slept with him.
I mean, I thought that I really mattered to him, but all he wanted to do was sleep with me.
Maybe not, Nina.
I'm not a total idiot, Julia.
I know what it means when someone doesn't call.
I don't I just don't get how he could do that.
I mean, I would never do what he did.
I'd never take advantage of someone like that.
And the thing is I really liked him, you know? BAILEY: I'm not trying to put anything over on you, sir.
I just need the afternoon off.
Well, I'm sorry, son.
I'm running a business here, not a social center.
People that work for me, they understand that.
They follow through.
People who work for me, they don't shirk their responsibilities.
Well, I guess that counts me out.
What's that? I'll return the uniform tomorrow.
And while we're on the subject, these uniforms, they're not sporty.
They're ridiculous.
How are the shoes? Barley.
Bailey.
What are you doing here? I thought I'd take up running.
She's crazy about me.
Are you all right, Julia? What? What's the matter? You're a great guy, Justin.
I mean, you know that.
It's just it's just It's not like I begged you.
I know.
I'm sorry.
You kissed me, you know? I know.
Why'd you ask to come over in the first place? I guess I just wanted to be with someone.
Well, you should have picked somebody that didn't really like you because pretending to like somebody back when you don't it's not fair.
I know.
That's why I'm telling you now.
Well, thanks.
Claud? Yeah? Can I come in? Sure.
Wow.
It's nice in here.
It can sleep two to three adults.
I was thinking about those questions you had.
You know, about Sex? Yeah.
Truth is, I don't know that much about it.
But if you want to ask me anything, I'll try and answer, okay? Well, when a man and woman, when they, you know, they get together? Does it hurt? Sometimes, Claud.
Yeah, sometimes.
WOMAN ON TV: That makes everything quite all right.
MAN: What, this? Well, I like privacy when I retire.
Yes, I'm very delicate in that respect.
Prying eyes annoy me.
CHARLIE: When was the last time you checked on him? Uh-huh.
Still no fever? And he's sleeping okay? Great.
[♪.]

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