Peacemaker (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

Chapter 01: A Whole New Whirled

1 PEACEMAKER: Previously in The Suicide Squad AMANDA WALLER: This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker.
His father was a soldier who trained his son how to kill from the moment he was born.
You fail to follow my orders and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull.
Your mission is to destroy every trace of Project Starfish.
I cherish peace with all my heart.
- (GROANS) - (GRUNTS) I don't care how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it.
RATCATCHER: Who are you going to show that to? Press.
People deserve to know.
I can't let you do that, Colonel.
Miss Waller charged me with making sure those records don't level this building.
What a joke.
It's headed towards the city, and I think it wants to feed on as many people as it can.
WALLER: Not our problem.
We've achieved the objective.
What are you doing, Task Force X? Turn around now, goddamn it! This is your last motherfuckin' warning! - (CONTROLS BEEPING) - (GRUNTS) - (JOHN ECONOMOS EXHALES HEAVILY) - Task Force X.
Your clearest path is Calle Aguero.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) - (EXHALES SHARPLY) - (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) (KEYBOARD CLACKING) DOCTOR: You're shot and a building falls on you, and all you have to replace is a clavicle? You're the luckiest man alive.
(SIGHS) - Can I ask you something, Doc? - Sure.
Can you maybe up the contrast on the X-ray a little more to show the definition in my muscles? This makes me look like one of those guys who works out only thinking about bulk.
I put a lot of time into my small muscle groups, and according to this, it was just wasted effort.
It's not for your Tinder profile, Chris.
You've healed well, but you're still gonna have to take it easy.
Try to avoid lifting your right elbow - above your shoulder.
- Sure.
So, as long as you agree to keep up with the physical therapy, I'm discharging you.
So, I can leave? Go home.
Enjoy life.
Jamil! I don't have any weed on me, man.
- That was a one-time thing - It's not that, man.
Doctor said I was free to go.
- Congratulations? - Jamil, you cool? - What does that mean? - Dude, can I trust you? - No.
- No? Uh, I don't know you, man! - Dude, I really need somebody I can trust - Don't trust me, man.
We smoked weed together, man.
I was in a fuckin' wheelchair! I can't pretend like that wasn't a nice moment, but that doesn't make me trustworthy.
- I ain't trustworthy worth shit.
- What? Why do you think I'm mopping floors, bro? - I went to MIT.
I don't like the responsibility.
- (MUTTERS) - You went to MIT? - Oh, yeah.
- The fuck are you doing here? - That's my fucking point, man! Why aren't you listening to me? Fine! Fuck it.
Don't be trustworthy, just let me ask you a question, and don't tell anybody about it, okay? I would never betray a secret.
That is the opposite of everything you've been saying.
Truth is, I'm supposed to be in prison.
- For what? - Superhero shit.
- (CHUCKLES) You're a superhero? - PEACEMAKER: Yeah.
You're kinda bulky to be a superhero, aren't you? Bulky? What the fuck you mean, "bulky"? Well, most superheroes have a gymnast body.
- They're ready to go.
- I'm ready to go! - What superhero are you? - Peacemaker.
- Get outta here, motherfucker! - You a fan? There's no superhero called Peacemaker.
- Dude, I'm fuckin' famous.
- Not that famous.
- Aquaman, he's famous.
- Fuck Aquaman! No, man, don't say that.
Why say that? He bangs chicks? Good for him.
He fucks dudes? Got no problem with that.
He starts fuckin' fish? That's taking it a step too far.
- Aquaman fucks fish? - Yeah.
- I don't believe it.
- (SCOFFS) A guy on Twitter works for the aquarium, said for 50 bucks, he brings him in the back so he can have his way with a sturgeon.
I refuse to believe that.
And I refuse to believe that @PepetheFrog89 is lying to me for no reason.
If you're a superhero, what were you in prison for? Integrity.
I made a vow to have peace, no matter how many people I have to kill to get it.
- Oh, Peacemaker! - Yes! - You're that racist superhero! - No! - You only kill minorities, man! - (PEACEMAKER CHUCKLING) I killed a fair amount of white people too! The ratio is suspect, is all I have to say! - If somebody's committing a crime - Yes? am I supposed to control what their ethnicity is? No.
But you need to watch white people as closely as you watch people of color, so you see more of them committing crimes! Fine.
That's That's a good point.
I will trust white people less in the future, and kill a higher percentage of 'em.
Are you satisfied? Yes.
Thank you.
Now, what do you need? Doctor said I was free to go, so technically, I should go back to prison.
What I need to know is, on the DL, is there anybody out there looking for me? JAMIL: Not that I heard of, man.
- No cops outside, nothin'? - I ain't seen no cops.
I'm thinkin' I can just go? Why not? (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC FADES) - (PHONE RINGING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (SCOFFS) Guy's a total douchebag.
Yes! (GRUNTS) ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT" BY WIG WAM PLAYING) Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? Get it on, get it on top make a move extreme Make a pose it's a shortcut to your dreams I float straight to the stars on that flying thing Getting high, getting brave getting snow-blind Game set, go pick a tune, chick harpoon In a world beyond Get a beat, got a heat on a phony string Tear your world apart once the magic starts Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? What's going up must come down Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? Baby, you're losing ground Blind to what you'll soon become The mirror lies the whole world's wrong But you dancing with blinkers on Throw your dog the invisible bone Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? What's going up must come down Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? Baby, you're losing ground Blind to what you'll soon become The mirror lies the whole world's wrong But you dancing with blinkers on Throw your dog the invisible bone (SCREECHES) - (SONG ENDS) - (SCREECHING CONTINUES) - (TRAFFIC NOISE) - (BIRDSONG) (DOOR OPENING) - KEEYA ADEBAYO: Oh.
- I thought I was gonna be like James Bond now.
- We made it.
Come on.
- (SIGHS) Yes.
- (BARKS) - Does this look like James Bond to you? - KEEYA: Come on.
- Man, I wanted champagne in the bathtub, and some Octopussies and shit.
Okay, girl, you better not be getting any Octopussies - while we're up here.
- (CHUCKLES) What is an Octopussy anyway? Uh, that's who Maud Adams played in the movie.
KEEYA: Okay, so she had eight pussies? (CHUCKLES) As far as I know, she only had one pussy.
- That's just her name.
- (CHUCKLES) Okay.
This might be a good time for me to bring up I've been thinkin'.
If we have a kid, I'd like to name her Octopussy.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh, is that so? Really? - Yes so.
And if it's a boy, - Sharknado.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh, okay.
Well, I hope then that it's a boy, because, um, I don't think my parents would be too happy with a granddaughter named "Octopussy".
- Really? 'Cause I think - Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) Lois and Chuck would love that.
(CHUCKLES) - (EXHALES SHARPLY) - What's wrong? - (FORLORN MUSIC PLAYING) - Just worried.
This job of yours, it might be dangerous, or They got me filing papers and making reservations.
I hope it stays that way.
Keeya, this is just a paycheck.
It's just for now.
I know that I'm not made for this shit.
I'll save up a little, then we'll go back home.
- Okay.
- Okay? - You promise? - I got you.
(CHUCKLES) I got you back.
- Right now? - LEOTA ADEBAYO: Yeah.
- Okay.
Love you.
- LEOTA: Love you too.
(CLEARS THROAT) So, uh So I have this.
It's, uh, it's Corto Maltese money.
But I have no idea how much it is.
Come on.
You look like a scratch lottery guy.
Make a game of it.
Take it to the bank.
See how much it's worth.
Maybe it's 50 cents, but maybe it's a million bucks.
It ain't a million bucks.
Ah, fuck.
(GROANS) (EXHALING HEAVILY) (SIGHS) (EXHALES) (GROANS) Dad? Fuck! (SIGHS) (EXHALES HEAVILY) (SIGHS) - (PHONE BEEPING) - VIGILANTE: (OVER PHONE) Yo, man, it's Vigilante, what up? VIGILANTE: Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a team-up tonight.
- (PHONE BEEPING) - VIGILANTE: Peacemaker! Uh, It's your BFF Vigilante here.
- What's goin' on, man? - (SCOFFS) VIGILANTE: Uh, what do you say we go cruise some crime and some bitches, whichever comes first? Uh, BFF stands - for "Best Friends For " - (PHONE BEEPING) - (AUDIENCE CHEERING OVER TV) - VIGILANTE: P, it's V! Are you watching this game, dude? It is so - (PHONE BEEPING) - VIGILANTE: Dude, uh, I realize in that last message, uh, I called you P and me V, as if you were a penis and I was a vagina.
Uh, that, like, definitely was It was not my intention - (MUTTERS) - (PHONE BEEPING) VIGILANTE: Peacemaker, it's Vigilante.
I just got the scoop on a big heroin shipment coming in tonight! - Let's go down there - Dude, don't be saying that shit on my phone, man! - What the fuck? - motherfuckers' heads off! - (PHONE BEEPING) - (SIGHS) - (GUN COCKING) - Stay where you are, Smith.
Fuck! I knew it was fucking too good to be true! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! My life fuckin' sucks.
I mean Ah, fuck! Ah, nah, I'm fu I'm I'm I'm good.
I'm fucking I'm good.
Fuck! You only served four years of your 30-year sentence, and you thought we were just gonna let you go scot-free? Yeah.
I killed Rick Flag for you people! No one ever told you to kill Flag.
Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out.
- I made the only choice I could.
- (BOTTLES CLINKING) Funny, for you, how often the only choice and killing people coincides.
- (CLANKING CONTINUES) - What the fuck is he doing? I have low blood sugar, okay? So I'm dizzy.
You showed you were loyal.
You're a born killer with expertise in every weapon known to humankind, and you've had experience in black ops around the globe, so I'm giving you the chance to stay out of prison - and work for me.
- (SCOFFS) And you are? Name's Murn.
- Clemson Murn? - That's right.
I report directly to Amanda Waller.
This is Harcourt, who you may know from Waller's team at Belle Reve.
She'll be your handler in the field.
John Economos, who you may also know, is tech and tactics.
Hey, dude, you're eating four-year-old olives - out of my fuckin' fridge.
- (GAGS) And this is our new recruit, Leota Adebayo, which means she'll be doing most everything else.
Glad to be here.
Ready to kick some ass, sir.
And really lookin' forward to gettin' to know all of you.
Even you, Peacemaker.
Uh, even though you're not the best guy in the world.
And Economos, you seem like you're very easy to talk to.
- (CHUCKLES) - LEOTA: So I look forward to working with you.
Harcourt, I feel like, because we're the only women here, we have to have each other's back.
Anything you need, I got you.
And, Mr.
Murn, I have to say your outfits are really dapper.
I'm really excited to be here, and I promise you're not gonna regret this.
I know inside my mind I'm not supposed to be giving a speech, but sometimes my mouth just does what it wants, so Close mouth.
I'm bitin' my tongue right now.
Not gonna talk again.
(WHISPERS) I'm done talking.
(SCOFFS) What's the op? (CLICKS TONGUE) Domestic situation, known as Project Butterfly.
As I recall, you guys aren't particularly creative with the case file names.
Project Starfish was a giant walkin' starfish.
So, what, am I fighting a Mothra now? (CHUCKLES) I am? I'm fightin' a Mothra? What the fuck do I fight a Mothra with? That's not what it is.
- Can I get a jetpack? - No.
How the fuck am I supposed to fight a Mothra - without a jetpack? - It's not a Mothra.
Still, my desire for a jetpack remains, 'cause you got me all excited about it.
We need you to do contract work.
- Kill people? - Bad people.
- Whom we call Butterflies.
- (EXHALES) What if I say no? You'll have to return to Belle Reve.
What's to keep me from splittin'? We still have that bomb in your head to track you with, and if that fails, we'll blow you the hell up.
(SIGHS) (INHALES SHARPLY) We'll meet you for dinner tonight.
Seven-thirty at Where is it? Fennel Fields on Manchester Road.
And the mozzarella sticks (CLICKS FINGERS) are dope.
Enjoy my food, Dye-Beard.
- (SCOFFS) It's not dyed.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah, sure.
Hard edge of two-tone gray and Magic Marker brown, - that's natural.
I'll be there.
I just gotta swing by my dad's and get Eagly.
Who's Eagly? Don't you do your research? He's my sidekick.
("WELCOME TO THE CHURCH OF ROCK AND ROLL" BY FOXY SHAZAM PLAYING) Welcome to the Church of rock and roll Yeah! - (MUSIC FADES) - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOG BARKING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) You that Peacemaker guy? - Yeah.
- Evil supervillain.
Not a supervillain.
That's a misconception.
- I'm a superhero.
- (LAUGHS) Batman is a superhero.
Yeah? Joe Blaggadashiocentro is a dude workin' - in his fuckin' garden.
- Joe who? Point is just 'cause some other dumb motherfucker is out there with shears, clippin' roses, doesn't mean you aren't, huh? If you're gonna make up a person, why make up a person with such a long name? I'm so sorry, I don't spend all my fucking time thinking of realistic-sounding last names, you wrinkly old fuck! Hey, Dad.
(SIGHS) (SCOFFS) Fuck you.
MAN OVER TV: Below their lying, liberal human faces lurk extraterrestrial beings, who want nothing other than our civilization to fail! They are among us.
I don't get enough attention, I gotta have you chattin' up my fruity neighbors? Guy was talking to me! He was being a total 'nad.
- Got out of prison.
- You don't say? It's been kind of a rough go for me lately, Dad.
I was laid out in the hospital for, like, five months.
(GLOOMY MUSIC PLAYING) Somebody shot me.
A building fell on me.
AUGGIE SMITH: You let somebody shoot you? (LAUGHS) It's not like I invited him to come shoot me, Dad.
(SIGHS) - New lamp? - AUGGIE: Huh? - The The lamp, is it new? - No.
It's three months old.
- Been in prison for four years.
- Don't make it no newer.
You know, I asked you to cancel my phone service.
It was still on.
I've been paying for service for years 'cause you forgot.
Oh, it's my fault now you fucked up - and went to prison? - That's not what I'm sayin'.
- Then what are you sayin'? - It's my service.
- I got no money.
- Jesus Christ.
You're a fuckin' pussy.
- You been takin' Eagly out? - Yeah.
Where is he? - (SCREECHES) - Eagly.
- (SCREECHES) - (TENDER MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) (EAGLY CHATTERING) - Who's a good boy? - (SCREECHES) Yeah? Who's Daddy's boy? (CHUCKLES) Dad, look how excited he is.
(CHUCKLING) - Dad, he's just awesome, right? - (SCREECHING) - (MUSIC SWELLS) - Oh, my God.
He's He's hugging me.
He's hugging me.
- This is fuckin' amazing.
- (EAGLY SQUAWKS) Dad! Grab my phone, I don't wanna move.
Dad? - (SUBDUED SCREECH) - Dad? (METAL CLANGING) You think it makes this noise all the time? LEOTA: Yeah, I don't know.
- (DISTANT SIRENS BLARING) - (DOOR OPENING, CLOSING) Hey, new girl, get your shit off there.
LEOTA: Damn.
This is the only desk with sun.
Take the one in the middle.
(STEADY DRIPPING) EMILIA HARCOURT: I don't know what you did to piss off Amanda Waller, but she's definitely fucking me and John with this gig.
What agency did you get transferred from? "Fucking you" how? We helped Task Force X during Project Starfish, and this is her way of getting back at us.
LEOTA: Yeah, I don't think so.
Hey, new girl's an expert over here, John.
Well, she's entitled to her opinion.
- Thank you.
- Her stupid fuckin' opinion.
Oh, sweet, we have a piano.
That's useful for black ops.
This is the worst HQ of all time.
(METAL CLANGING) You guys hear that, right? It's not just me? - We hear what? - The fuckin' pi Oh.
Nice gaslighting.
(CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES) - You'll get a kick out of this, Dad.
- (EAGLY SQUAWKS) (CLEARS THROAT) Guy I was working with, Bloodsport, big, tough motherfucker, mercenary, all these weapons and shit.
We find out he's got a rat phobia.
And not just not just any phobia.
I mean like pure terror, screamin' like a little girl.
(CHUCKLES) And this other member of the team, Ratcatcher, - she controls rats! - (EAGLY SCREECHING) PEACEMAKER: And, Dad, Dad, you know how he got the phobia? Of course I don't fuckin' know how he got it.
He was tortured! His own father tortured him by lockin' him in a crate for 24 hours with nothing but starving rats! - (LAUGHS) - Right? - (LAUGHS) - PEACEMAKER: We (CHUCKLING) He had these horrible acne scars.
- Scars! (LAUGHS) - PEACEMAKER: Yeah! Yeah, but they weren't! They were rat bites from when the rats - would gnaw at his flesh when he was a little kid! - (EAGLY SCREECHES) That's It's funny, right? - (CACKLES, COUGHS) - Dad? - (COUGHS) - I'll get I'll get water.
- (COUGHS) - (SCREECHES) - (COUGHS, CHUCKLES) - Here, here, here.
- (SIGHS) - This fag that was afraid of the rats - Yeah.
Please God don't tell me he was the one who shot you.
(CLEARS THROAT) (SQUAWKS) You know, a lot of what happened in Corto Maltese is confidential.
How did my fucking sperm grow into a nancy boy like you? - (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) - (EXHALES DEEPLY) Look, I just came by to get Eagly and see if you had another helmet for me.
(DEVICE BEEPING) (THRUMMING) (MACHINERY WHIRRING) (SIGHS) This one has full-body force field.
This has sonic blast capabilities.
You need to breathe underwater, then this is the one for you.
And, uh, this one has X-ray vision.
I didn't make these things while you were in prison.
These are all from before.
I know.
I never gave you a second thought - while you were in there.
- (EXHALES) Fine.
Just tell me which one you think is best? I hesitate giving you any helmet, as big a simp as you turned out to be.
But what the fuck? If you can do some good with it, maybe take out a couple of commies, some Blacks, or papists, or a kike, or something.
Better than sittin' in this fuckin' closet.
Dad, that's not my thing.
Um I do what I do to st stop criminals, - not a specific - (CHUCKLES) Yeah, sure.
(SIGHS) (CALM MUSIC PLAYING) So I forgot to close the balcony door, and when I came home, my living room was full of pigeons.
- (LEOTA CHUCKLING) - Are you kidding me? No.
There was like ten of 'em, and they shit all over my couch.
This guy.
(CHUCKLING) Did this dipshit really show up in full cosplay mode? This is the guy Waller's giving us? - I told you she's fucking us.
- She's not fucking us.
- Is that an eagle in his back seat? - (MUFFLED SCREECH) - (CHUCKLES) - She's fucking us.
(BELL CHIMING) HOST: Hi, sir, welcome in.
Oh, I'm with them.
Can I just grab a menu, please? - HOST: Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
(GRUNTS) - Why are you in your costume? - (SCOFFS) Costume? This is a uniform.
And it's brand new, so I gotta stretch it out, make it more comfortable before I go on a mission.
Maybe I'm stupid, but why would you even wanna wear that on a mission? A bright red shirt and white pants aren't exactly conducive to lurking in the shadows.
People see this uniform, it strikes fear in their hearts.
What people? The other people at the Village People tryouts? (CHUCKLES) Why is there a bald eagle in your car? That's Eagly.
You guys ordered without me? - "Eagly" is your pet eagle? - Yeah.
- Is your dog named Doggy? - (JOHN CHUCKLING) - All right.
- Do you have a daughter named Daughtery? (CHUCKLES) Jealous of a guy's pet eagle much? - (HARCOURT CHUCKLING) - Hey, sweet-cheeks! Can you take my order real quick? - Sorry - Hi.
Sure thing.
What can I get you? Uh, mixed green salad, and we'll do the garlic zoodles.
- Zoodles.
Good choice.
- Thank you.
(INHALES DEEPLY) "Good choice".
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Zoodles are zucchini noodles.
- "Sweet cheeks"? Seriously, dude? She had cherubic cheeks.
It's a compliment.
"Sweet cheeks" is your butt.
- No, it's not.
- It is.
It's like calling somebody, I don't know, "sugar tits".
That's totally inappropriate.
(SCOFFS) Her tits are way too big to be sugar tits.
Sugar tits are, like, smaller, perkier tits.
Like yours.
Uh, technically, I think you may have sugar tits, too - Oh, yeah? - but somehow that also feels inappropriate.
CLEMSON MURN: All right, Peacemaker.
That's enough.
You don't have to be happy with this detail, but you do have to treat your fellow soldiers - with respect.
- Yeah? Heard plenty of stories about how you treat people with respect, Murn.
Why is that busboy staring at you? I think that's my friend Gut Chase's younger brother.
(WHISPERING) He has mental issues.
Thank you.
Just the old shell game.
(EXHALES) - Take this home.
Study it.
- What is it? It's the dossier on the first target.
- U.
Senator? - Don't look at it here.
Take our word for it, the man's a serious threat to the safety of American citizens.
Oh, my God, could you at least take you helmet off? You're gonna get dressing all over it.
Dressing is easier to get off this helmet than a human lip.
That's a fuckin' fact.
You want to have a dressing-getting-off contest right now, Dye-Beard? Okay, I don't dye my beard.
I've always had unusually colored hair.
- Smith, just - (EXHALES) Jesus Fine.
Are you always gonna be this difficult? Yep.
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Fuck yeah! Peacemaker's back, baby! Twerk it, and twerk it get my little tush out It's my famous butt dance my butt dance, my butt dance It's my famous b - (MUSIC STOPS) - Oh.
Hey, man, what's up? - Sup, Adrian? - ADRIAN CHASE: Hey, the the reason I'm excited, it is normal.
Uh, I just found out this girl that I'm seeing, she's pregnant, you know? You got a girlfriend? Yeah.
Uh, her name is Sharon, uh, Osbourne.
Uh, not not the one that you may know.
She's, uh, a different one.
The yeah.
Why are you always trying to get me to set you up with my cousin then? Well, I wouldn't I wouldn't say, like, - "girlfriend", you know? - But you're happy - she's pregnant? - Yeah.
Because we are going to have an abortion.
- DISHWASHER: Well, yeah, good luck.
- Thank you.
Hey, you're invited if you I don't wanna come to your abortion, man.
ADRIAN: That's cool.
- Fuck yeah! - (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Peacemaker, baby.
- (EAGLY SCREECHES) - PEACEMAKER: Aw, you missed? Hey, bud.
Learning to drive now? - You gonna drive us home? Yeah? - (EAGLY SCREECHES) LEOTA: It's friendly? Oh, yeah.
- (CHUCKLES) I love animals.
- Yeah.
Eagly is amazing.
- Hey.
- (SCREECHES) - Hey, bud.
- (SCREECHES) (SCREAMS) Just Oh, shit! Man, I thought you said it was friendly.
Oh, I thought you meant friendly to me.
Yeah, I know it's friendly to you.
I saw you pet it.
You know, he was so happy to see me today, he wrapped his wings around me and hugged me.
- An eagle hugged you? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I call bullshit on that.
You don't wanna believe in miracles, that's on you.
- You're the new girl, huh? - Yeah.
But I know my shit, don't worry about that.
I've done a lot of, - you know, notable things.
- That's super vague.
Yeah, 'cause if I told you any more, I'd have to, you know (IMITATES GUNSHOT) - Kill me? - Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLING) Oh, you hubbed up? LEOTA: What? - Married, yeah.
That's cool.
I'm into old-fashioned stuff too, you know, Hummel figurines and capital punishment - (CHUCKLES) - and Garbage Pail Kids and stuff.
- You know? - (BOTH CHUCKLE) Hey, what'd you mean when you said you heard stories about Mr.
Murn? I know he's a mercenary.
I know he killed a lot of people, and not always for the right side.
I know I don't trust his ass.
Well, good night, Smith.
- 'Night, Arbysmola.
- (CHUCKLING) It's Adebayo.
(CHUCKLING) Although I do appreciate the confidence with which you said something so wrong.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, that's my thing.
That and having a big dick.
LEOTA: Yep, information I had no need for.
- (KEYS JANGLING) - No, I'm I'm serious.
- (CAR DOOR OPENING) - It's too big, actually.
It - causes people pain.
- Okay.
Kids in junior high, they called me "Chimp-Arm".
- Good night, sweet-cheeks.
- (CHUCKLES) - "Sweet-cheeks".
- (CAR DOOR SHUTTING) ("COME ON COME ON" BY NASHVILLE PUSSY PLAYING) That wasn't inappropriate, was it, Eagly? (SCREECHES) Baby woke me up this morning She said hey, man, we are through - (SCREECHING) - She said, if you ain't gonna go to heaven with me Then I ain't goin' to hell with you Well, that's all right now baby Just one last thing on my mind I'm just trying to find a place In a world gone mean and blind So I say, come on come on, come on, fuck yeah Come on, come on, come on come on, come on, come on Fuck yeah, come on come on (CAR HORN HONKING) I said, come on, come on come on, fuck yeah! Come on, come on, come on - (LAUGHTER) - ("SUMMERTIME GIRLS" BY Y&T PLAYING) Oh, yeah! CUSTOMER 1: Oh, woo-hoo.
(CHUCKLING) - CUSTOMER 2: She's a babe.
- Oh, yeah, I Hey, Goldilocks, can I ask you a question? As long as it's a question about how to cure - rotting fish breath, sure.
- Fuck you, bitch! I'm in love, yeah, yeah At least every minute or two - CUSTOMER 3: Easy, buddy.
- Until the next time - A girl walks by - (EXHALES DEEPLY) I think I love her too oh, I - Hey! - I can't help myself - Crazy coincidence, right? - Oh, yeah.
- Uncanny.
- Right? (CHUCKLES) - What can I get you? - PEACEMAKER: I'll just I'll have the same.
- So Harcourt, right? - HARCOURT: Yeah.
PEACEMAKER: Thank you.
- What's your first name? - Why? Just curious.
I mean (CHUCKLES) You know, you don't have to call me Peacemaker, you can call me Chris.
I'll call you Peacemaker.
You call me Harcourt.
How's that? Okay.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - CUSTOMER 1: You fucking kidding me? She said what? - PEACEMAKER: I'm just trying to say - Hey.
it doesn't always have to be about work - Hold on.
- Okay.
What the fuck did you say to my friend, - you ugly fuckin cu (GROANS) - (GRUNTS) (BONES CRACKING) Jesus fuck, lady.
(GROANS) - What was that next word? "You ugly fucking" what? - Oh, God! (GRUNTS, SCREAMS) Any of the rest of you wanna finish it for him? (GRUNTS, GROANS) Summertime girls You make my whole world go around - What were you saying? - Get off me! (WHIMPERS) - (APPLAUSE) - WOMAN: Aw, poor baby! That was so fuckin' hot.
I clocked you driving by and then making a U-turn to follow me in here.
Come on, the way you say it makes it sound all stalkery.
No, the way that you did it made it stalkery.
I just described it.
Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us.
Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.
- You think I'm handsome? - Oh, my God, please fuck off.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Okay, look, I I've been in prison the last four years, okay? I haven't been with anyone I I haven't been with any woman in a long time.
I'm not asking for emotional connection here.
I'm just asking for fun.
Genital-to-genital contact, no touching above here.
Fuck it, it's gotta be here.
I gotta touch your boobs.
Just trying to, I don't know, relieve some of the stress that's been building up over the years.
I mean Cool! And I'm just trying to fuckin' have a beer, but whether it's those douchebags or you, I guess that's just something that I can't have in my life because, I don't know, I wear makeup? ("NIGHT OF PASSION" BY THE POODLES PLAYING) You know what? Go fuck yourself - Chris.
- I feel your desire As the moonlight lingers - In the sky - (SCOFFS) I'm walking through fire Can't you hear me when I cry One night of passion one night of hunger And my attraction is getting stronger (BOTH MOAN, SCREAM) - (SCREAMING) Freedom! - My heart is screaming out your name (MUSIC FADES) WALLER: How's the team? Okay, I guess.
Murn, I hear, is not such a great guy.
WALLER: I don't care about the quality of the knife, as long as the blade is sharp.
- John seems okay.
- WALLER: He's pliable.
Harcourt is hard.
WALLER: Barbie's ambitious.
Watch out for her.
Shouldn't we just loop them in on the whole plan? No.
You're my eyes and ears, Leota, while you're there.
And the only one I trust with the big picture.
Did my forger get you the diary? LEOTA: This goofy shit? Yeah.
Hide it in his trailer the first chance you get, somewhere he won't find it.
How's Peacemaker? (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
He's his own thing.
- Sexist.
- WALLER: Yeah.
- Probably racist.
- Oh, you know who his father is.
LEOTA: Oh, yeah.
But there's something else about him that's WALLER: What? (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) - sad.
- Empathy? In this business, Leota, that will get you killed.
Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter, does it? I appreciate the work, but after this job is done, Keeya and I will be back on our feet and I'll find a job I actually like.
Ignore your God-given, natural talent.
Yeah, I don't think so.
I'm not like these people.
All right.
I have an early morning.
- Night, baby girl.
- Good night, Mom.
Waller's still trying to pull you in, huh? - Always.
(GRUNTS) Oh! Oh, this this is my jam.
You know, this was back when men were real men, 'cause they weren't afraid to be women.
None of this auto-tune, robots-dry-humping that passes for music bullshit, right? (CHUCKLES) No way.
Quireboys? Went to see these guys when I was a kid.
I'd go to all the shows when they came through Evergreen.
("I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE" BY QUIREBOYS PLAYING) - I went to see her just this morning - (SINGS ALONG) To see how the child might be She sat there smoking all my cigarettes At a table Set for three I could have cried I could have cried When she said I don't love you anymore Hey, I gotta thank you for tonight.
I was having a crazy, fucked-up day, but when I was in your pussy back there, I felt, I don't know, fuckin' hope! (CHUCKLES) That sound stupid? I just Maybe it's the big man in the sky's way of saying, "Chris, there's something more for you out there, you and Eagly, other than all this rancid shit life's thrown at you so far".
- So I went to see my friends - (SINGING ALONG) I tried to turn to them for help And all that - Any of them said - All any of them said You gotta look out for yourself Well, fuck them! I could've cried I could've cried When she said I don't love you anymore I was slain and shown the - (PIERCING SCREAM) - What the fuck? Hey! - (KNIFE SLASHING) - (GRUNTS) Hold on.
Hey! - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNT) (GRUNTS) - All the pain is with yourself - (GRUNTS) - All the blame is with yourself - (SCREAMS) (BLADE CLANGS) - (GRUNTS) - (CLATTERING) - (GRUNTS) What the fuck? - (INHUMAN ROAR) - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) (CRASHING, SPLINTERING) (GRUNTS) - (GROWLS) - (GROANS) You're all I ever wanted - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) - (GRUNTS) - (VERTEBRAE CLICKING) Every time I see your face reminds me baby of what we had - (GRUNTS) - (ROARS) (GRUNTS) (SMASHING, CLATTERING) - (GRUNTS) - (SCREAMS) Always seemed in emptiness - (GRUNTS) - (ATOMIZER HISSES) (GRUNTS) I say my prayers every night - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) (GRUNTS) But even God don't care less - (BLOWS LANDING) - (PEACEMAKER SCREAMING) I could've cried I could've cried (GROANS) Fuck! When she said I don't love you anymore I was slain and shown the door Ain't no room here anymore - Please don't - (PEACEMAKER SCREAMING) - (FABRIC TEARS) - (GRUNTS, GROANS) (DISTANTLY) All the pain is with yourself (EXHALES HEAVILY) "Take it easy", Doc said.
("LOVE BOMB BABY" BY TIGERTAILZ PLAYING) You're not a lady you're a love bomb, baby Love bomb, baby come on, blow me away Can't get enough of your sweet, sweet lovin' - (CHUCKLES) - (SCREECHES) Keep it coming oh, baby, fire away Ah ha-ah, oh yeah (SIRENS WAILING) Well, I've been waiting so long For a girl like you a time bomb ready to blow I know it can't be wrong 'Cause, baby when I get you home You're not a lady you're a love bomb, baby Love bomb, baby come on, blow me away Can't get enough of your sweet, sweet lovin' Keep it coming oh, baby, fire away Love bomb, baby love bomb, baby Love bomb, baby fire away, whoa! You're everything I need you're dangerous You're blue-eyed dynamite sister TNT You're the kinda love I need tonight Three, two one You're not a lady you're a love bomb, baby Love bomb, baby come on, blow me away Can't get enough of your sweet, sweet lovin' Keep it coming oh, baby fire away Love bomb, baby ah, ha-ah, oh, yeah Direct hit target destroyed (MUSIC FADES) This one will give you scabies.
Give me scab Why would I want scabies? Challenge yourself.
Every man should have scabies once in his life.

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