Peacemaker (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

Chapter 03: Better Goff Dead

1 PEACEMAKER: I'm gonna be honest about something here.
Homunculi freak me the fuck out.
- Homunculi? - Yeah.
It's plural for homunculus.
It's a tiny miniature person.
Yeah, I don't like what they're up to.
I don't like what they fuckin' do.
Hey, Doll Man, you ever meet him? - LEOTA ADEBAYO: Doll Man? - He turns small.
LEOTA: He calls himself Doll Man? Yeah.
Barrett M82? - Yep.
- Nice.
You ever seen a one-millimeter finger? Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
(SHUDDERS) Nobody told me I had to deal with fuckin' homunculi.
LEOTA: Well, who's saying you gotta deal with them now? You kidding me? I found a miniature spaceship in the apartment of the chick I had sex with.
You guys know.
The one who was really into having sex with me, - she came like, four times? - We know who she is.
We don't need to know how much she enjoyed having sex with you.
- What if it's a clue? - It's not.
I was just trying to slip it into conversation.
Hope nobody noticed.
My bad.
Still, fuckin' hate homunculi.
Where's this tiny spaceship now? Adebayo's desk, under my lunch.
- John.
- Oh, fuck.
Hey, I want it back when you're done with it, Dye-Beard! Oh, shit.
Is Project Butterfly homunculi that team up with hard-bodied sluts that wanna control us? No, but who's the guy that's peeking out behind the trashcan? Fuck, it's it's Vigilante.
He's trying to be helpful.
Hey! Get outta here! What? I'm just looking from behind a trashcan.
- It's a normal thing to do.
- The hell it is! VIGILANTE: Are you a psychiatrist? - EMILIA HARCOURT: What? - VIGILANTE: Then don't tell me what's normal! Maybe my secret identity is a psychiatrist and I know what's normal.
If you're a psychiatrist, we're all screwed.
Get the fuck out of here! VIGILANTE: I was about to go, and then you had to say that.
Now if I acquiesce, I'll look and feel small.
Vij, bro, come on.
Be cool.
VIGILANTE: I just wanna make sure you're okay.
- I don't trust these people.
- I'm fine.
VIGILANTE: Just remember, even if they end up being okay to "work with", they're still not gonna be good friends.
(LOUDLY) And none of them is the type to be a best friend! - (SCOFFS) - PEACEMAKER: Okay.
(CHUCKLES) I'm just chuckling even thinking about it.
- Okay, bro.
- VIGILANTE: If one of them does become a friend, it should be her, because there's a bunch of rumors going around about you being racist, and, you know, - frankly, it's a little embarrassing for me.
- (SCOFFS) As if I become a racist by osmosis, even though I mostly kill white people, so Catch you guys later.
Isn't that guy wanted on multiple counts of murder? We have bigger fish to fry.
We have a United States Senator to assassinate by the end of the day.
Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT" BY WIG WAM PLAYING) - Get it on - Get on top Make a move extreme - Make a pose - Shortcut to your dreams Float straight to the stars on that flying thing - Getting high - Getting brave Getting snow blind - Game - Set, go Pick a tune, chick harpoon in a world beyond Got a beat, got a heat on a phony string - Tear your world apart - Once the magic starts Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? What's going up must come down Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? Baby you're losing ground Blind to what you'll soon become The mirror lies the whole world's wrong But you Dancing with your blinkers on Throw your dog the invisible bone Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? What's going up must come down Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? Baby you're losing ground Blind to what you'll soon become The mirror lies The whole world's wrong but you Dancing with your blinkers on Throw your dog the invisible bone - (MUSIC CONCLUDES) - (EAGLY SCREECHES) ("POWERTRAIN" BY ENEMIES SWE PLAYING) I'm a powertrain can't stop fightin' Breaking night and day can't stop crying I'm a powertrain can't stop fightin' I'm a working-class hero - I am, yeah - (MUSIC STOPS) CLEMSON MURN: Our target is Senator Royland Goff.
He's mostly known for being a radical proponent of climate change.
Okay, so we're gonna kill him 'cause climate change is a hoax? Why do all people that think pro wrestling is real think climate change is a hoax? - It's not a hoax.
- (SCOFFS) Yeah, okay.
Facebook's lying to me every day for no reason.
Senator Goff is a butterfly, and we need to take him out.
Next photo.
- (LAUGHS) - Fuck! - JOHN ECONOMOS: What did - PEACEMAKER: Look at this! - (HARCOURT LAUGHING) - Shit.
I'm so sorry.
- My wife sent it to me.
- Your wife? Holy shit! Yes, my wife.
Fuck, I'm so sorry I had no idea Adebayo here was playing for the Washington Lickalotapusses! Did you, Murn? Did you Well, I didn't know that you was playing for the, I don't know, the fuckin' Milwaukee Roided-Up - Toilet Bowl Hats! - I'm not from Milwaukee! Well, I'm so sorry, sir.
She just moved to a different hotel because Harcourt said that it would be dangerous if we stayed in the same suite.
- Oh, shit! - HARCOURT: Oh, okay.
- She just threw you under the bus! - So this is my fault now? No, it's just now Keeya thinks I chose this job over her.
And we're experimenting with new forms of intimacy.
And I didn't know that WhatsApp would just automatically - put this onto the device.
- You're (LAUGHS) Yeah, WhatsApp will do that if you don't change the settings.
- Nobody told me! - Yeah, no shit.
- (LAUGHS) - It's not that fuckin' funny! - It is.
- Dick.
- Just continue, Leota.
- Yes, sir.
PEACEMAKER: (EXHALING) Whoo! Goff may be traveling with his family.
(LAUGHING) That is a weird segue.
We don't know yet whether or not his wife and children are butterflies.
If so you'll have to kill all of 'em.
What? I thought you loved peace with all your heart, no matter how many men, women, and children you needed to kill to get it? Yes, I said that.
I say that.
And I I mean it.
It's Like, that's the vow I took, but Kids? Well, we aren't sure yet if they're butterflies.
Okay, easy.
This is the part where you tell me what the fuck a butterfly is.
We're not here to answer your questions, Smith.
So what is it, "Just trust us and shoot kids"? Come on, man, look how adorable that one is.
The other one, not so much.
He's got like a Children of the Corn vibe going on.
Are you sure those two kids came out of those parents? That's an attractive couple, and that one looks like it came out of them, - but the other one looks like a butt baby.
- A "butt baby"? Yeah, my older brother told me there's two types of babies.
One that comes out of a woman's vagina, normal, and then butt babies, worse in every way.
They come out of a woman's butt.
You know, I believed I was a butt baby - until I was like, 14.
- That explains a lot.
What does this have to do with anything? Just because that's an unattractive child - doesn't mean I wanna kill it.
- Your feelings are noted.
This is Goff's bodyguard, goes by the name of Judomaster.
(SCOFFS) The fuck's that guy gonna protect him from, - pink hearts and green clovers? - We understand he's dangerous.
He he's two feet tall! We'll be on site in about ten minutes.
Peacemaker and Harcourt will take out Goff, while Leota, John, and I work remotely.
Don't terminate the kids or the wife until we tell you it's okay.
- Any questions? - PEACEMAKER: Yes.
Is scissoring real? I keep getting contradictory reports.
I suspected you were a butt baby from the beginning.
PEACEMAKER: Oh, I'm all for it.
One thing I'm in favor of, it's two chicks going at it.
- Oh, geez.
- What? I'm a fuckin' ally.
Having a lesbian haircut doesn't make you an ally.
You haven't seen my porn folder, 400 gigs of alliance.
Hey, uh, where's the dove of peace? - The what? - The dove of peace, my trademark.
It's engraved on all my weapons, my tomahawk, my sword, my blowdarts, my pistol! You wanted us to stop and take the sniper rifle to an engraver and put a dove of peace on it? Uh, yeah! This is fucked up! I don't think I can kill someone with something that doesn't have the dove of peace on it.
Every time I draw a dove of peace, it looks like a ghost.
Fuck! So, why don't you just tell him what butterflies are? I don't trust him.
Do you? I guess not.
We need Peacemaker to stop questioning us.
He's stubborn, but he also has a deep need to belong.
We can use that to our advantage.
- Cool.
- Toss me a screw.
(BIRDS CHIRPING) So, uh they say you've done, like, some real hardcore shit.
I'm trying to do what I can to make up for my past.
(DRILL WHIRRING) Things I've done make me sad.
That's a feeling of mine I just shared with you.
It is cool, 'cause I've never done it before.
- Never done what before? - Shared a feeling.
(CHUCKLING) Come on.
You've never shared any feeling? - MURN: No.
- Like, you've never even said, - "Oh, my God, I'm hungry"? - No.
You've never said, uh, "It's chilly in here"? Is "chilly" a feeling? - Yeah, I think so.
- No.
Come on, you've never said you've felt chilly? Why? Think I'm some weak-ass girly-man who needs a poofy jacket or a little blanky? You gonna bring me a baby pacifier - for that wittle bwanky, John? - No.
That's how I thought of it in the past.
(SIGHS) Now I'm becoming a deeper, more well-rounded individual.
In fact, I'm a little chilly right now.
- You are? - MURN: No.
But I saw it as an opportunity for growth to say I was.
Uh, okay.
Looks like we're good to go.
- (CRICKETS CHIRPING) - (FROGS CROAKING) (GRUNTS) (CLEARS THROAT) Those ones are empty calories.
Here they come.
We got the Berenstein Bears in the Mercedes.
Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Brother Bear, and Sister Bear all accounted for.
We've got a bodyguard and Cobra Kai - in a Cadillac Escalade.
- Copy.
Uh, it's Berenstain Bears.
What? The children's books, it's Berenstain Bears, not Berenstein Bears.
(SCOFFS) Dude, I grew up on those books.
It's Berenstein Bears.
Mm, absolutely not.
It's actually named after the creators, Stan and Jan Berens - Does this fuckin' matter? - No, sir.
It's Berenstein.
I don't mean to correct you, sir, but it Shut up.
Mercedes and Escalade have landed.
The macaroni monster! - The macaroni - Kid's not as ugly in person.
Still looks weird, though.
Is your target in sight? (LAUGHING) - He's playing with the kids.
- MRS.
GOFF: Kids, it's time for bed now.
MURN: (OVER RADIO) Is Goff in sight? Nope.
- MURN: Now? - No.
Take your shot when he's clear.
Yeah, I know, dude.
Shut the fuck up, okay? MURN: They're about to enter the house.
I know what he's about to do.
I still don't have a goddamn shot! If you don't get him now, Smith, we'll probably - have to wait till morning.
- Yeah, that's not helping me make the big motherfucker in front of him disappear, okay? You want me to take him out too? - No.
- MRS.
GOFF: Okay, stop right there.
BODYGUARD: All right, hook a brother up.
- No.
- I don't need the carbs anyway.
- I noticed.
Look, they're in the window.
What the fuck? I think the whole family is butterflies.
- Why? - The second they were out of the bodyguards' sight, their demeanor changed.
They dropped the pretense of being a playful family.
They're politicians, right? Maybe the whole happy family thing is just what they do in public.
I don't think that's what it was.
Did you see them? I don't know.
Maybe they're just weird.
I th I'm not cool with any of this shit anyway.
I don't know why we're fucking killing these people, okay? A Sharpie dove of peace isn't a legitimate dove.
- What? - This fuckin' thing! I'm not a fuckin' drawer, okay? MURN: (OVER RADIO) Calm down, Peacemaker.
We're not killing anyone who doesn't deserve it.
I'm not Amanda Waller.
Guess we'll just have to wait until morning.
(SIGHS) ("WOULD YOU LOVE A CREATURE" BY SISTER PLAYING) Memories and beliefs means nothing more to me Than a ball and a chain inside of my brain Holding me back from living a life I just can't stretch my wings to fly I am what I am nothing more than a man Nothing heavenly within my command With everything to lose I reach out to you Would you love a creature like me So how'd you get in this line of work? How did you get into this line of work? My old man, I guess.
- Dads.
- (CHUCKLES) Mine got me my first Glock when I was 12.
- Which one? - Mm, the 20.
That's a lot of gun for a little girl.
I was a lot of little girl for a gun.
Would you look into my eyes How'd you end up working for Waller? What is this, 20 questions? (SIGHS) After high school, I joined the CIA, spent a couple years in the DEO, then ARGUS, that's where Waller found me.
And now, here I am, living the dream, about to assassinate a couple of children.
(CLEARS THROAT) (CLEARS THROAT) Would you love a creature like me W Would you love a creature like me Um Hey, can you, uh, can you watch for a second? I gotta go - Sure, yeah.
Yeah, totally.
- take a break.
That was a really interesting conversation - that you guys had.
- The fuck you doing here, man? I followed you guys in my Vigilante-mobile.
When'd you get a Vigilante-mobile? - You've been in it.
- The Sebring? Can you believe this motherfucker? VIGILANTE: (OVER RADIO) Oh, my God.
Is that the fuckin' trashcan guy? VIGILANTE: What do you want me to do? Paint it purple and put a big red V on the hood? - I'd get instantly pulled over.
- No, just don't call it a fuckin' Vigilante-mobile.
It's a Sebring.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - VIGILANTE: What? Fuck! MURN: (OVER RADIO) We know he's there, Peacemaker.
Dude, they know you're here.
Get out of the bushes.
VIGILANTE: I don't know what you're talking about.
What is he supposed to be, a talking bush? I I don't even understand what he's trying to do.
Vigilante needs to stay there with you.
I don't want him going out and fucking this up.
- Dude.
- What? You're a fucking clown.
- (CHUCKLES) - (COMPUTER CHIMES) All right, that's definitely photoshopped.
No, it's not.
It says it right.
A-I, like "ain".
VIGILANTE: Why don't we just take out the bodyguards and storm inside? The bodyguards are probably just innocents hired to protect them.
Right, okay.
Is that the answer? Shit.
HARCOURT: The Berenstain Bears are in the dining room.
Copy that.
I don't have eyes.
Peacemaker, do you have a shot on Papa Bear? Not quite yet.
What the fuck? They're pouring some sort of honey-colored goo into bowls.
- They're butterflies.
- How do you know? What the fuck? Uh, there's some sort of purple things - growing out of their mouths.
- Peacemaker, take 'em out! - Even the kids? - MURN: Yes! All four bears, now! If you have a shot, terminate 'em immediately! (PEACEMAKER BREATHING HEAVILY) (SLURPING) - (WHISPERING) Fuck.
- MURN: Peacemaker, goddamn it, - take the shot! - I don't know if I can hit them.
They're clear.
Take the shot.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) You should've put a dove on the gun! Fuck! Take a breath, Smith.
Steady yourself.
Goddamn it! Waller gave us a killer who can't kill! (EXHALES) (EXHALES) VIGILANTE: Hey, dude, move over for a sec.
(SIGHS) VIGILANTE: And now, Papa Bear, ou (JUDOMASTER YELLS) - (BOTH GRUNTING) - (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Kiai! What's "kiai"? It's a martial arts term, it means convergence of energy.
Harcourt, do you copy? (GRUNTS) (GROANS) - (JUDOMASTER GRUNTS) - (PEACEMAKER GROANS) - (GROANS) - (GRUNTS) MURN: (OVER RADIO) Harcourt, Peacemaker, do you copy? - VIGILANTE: Oh, shit! - (GUNSHOTS) (GRUNTING) - (GROANS) - Do you copy? (GRUNTING OVER RADIO) Fuck.
John, watch the front gate.
Make sure no one leaves.
- How am I supposed to stop 'em? - Any way you can! If anyone lets 'em know what we're up to here, we're fucked! (SIGHS) Obviously, he feels anger.
- VIGILANTE: Fuck, dude! - Sorry.
No, fuck this.
No way.
It's over.
You won.
Fair fight.
I got I gotta go.
Fuck! (JUDOMASTER SHRIEKS) VIGILANTE: No, no, no, no! (GROANING) - (SNARLS) - (GROANING) Kiai! Let's get them inside.
(PANTS) (GUN COCKING) Stay right there.
Oh, shit.
- Who are you? - HARCOURT: Oh, Jesus.
I don't want you to get hurt.
Just stay there.
- (GUN COCKS) - LEOTA: Drop your weapon.
- (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) - Hands in the air.
All right, I'm cool.
- You work for Royland Goff? - Yes.
You one of them? - One of what? - Adebayo, what are you doing? - Take care of it.
- Take care of what? I'm I'm not one of anything.
I'm former Secret Service and - I don't think he's one of them.
- It doesn't matter.
He's seen us! And Peacemaker needs our help, now! Listen, I I I haven't seen anything, okay? My wife's name is Marianne - Why are you prolonging this? - We've been married 16 years.
- People are depending on us! - We have three kids.
- Mason, Declan, and Jaden.
- We don't have a goddamn choice! - Adebayo, what the fuck? - I love them more than anything in the world.
Don't do this! - (GUNSHOT) - (LEOTA SHRIEKS) (SIGHS) - (PANTS) - I'm sorry.
I I've never killed anyone.
Well, your streak's still going.
Make sure he's clean.
Murn will want a sample if he's not.
Oh, good.
Peacemaker isn't here.
Can you track him? HARCOURT: Yeah.
He's in the house.
His heart's still beating.
The bodyguard wasn't a butterfly.
You're fuckin' adorable.
I want to put you in my pocket.
I want to take you home, play with you with my GI Joes.
Just don't fuck Chewbacca.
Here's a little-known fact.
Wookies have teeth on their asshole.
That's canon.
Hey, and remember to wave when I put you away in my special box, 'cause if you get stuck in there, - you'll suffocate.
- Fuck you.
You remind me of a shit I took last night, only Asian.
Oh, big man.
Hey, nice costume, bro.
Little tight.
You can count the veins in your dick.
Big, swole man.
So tough.
PEACEMAKER: You know, I'm gonna keep you around, in case I snap my Achilles tendon, I'll replace it with your whole fuckin' body.
That way, you can help me flex my toes for the rest of my life.
Thank you.
Remember when I fucked you up? What you eatin' there, Flamin' Hot Cheetos? Yes.
- Want some? - PEACEMAKER: Yeah.
(GROANS) Ow, fuck.
All right.
Fuck, I I get it.
(YELLS) Fuck, man! What the fuck do they put in Cheetos? - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) Seriously, stop! Fuck! ("SIX FEET UNDER" BY KISSIN' DYNAMITE PLAYING) It feels good here six feet under And I still wait and wonder How could I stay there all the time? In my grave it's warm and cozy It's safe no one disturbs me I feel fine until the end of time I've got some sad girl some bitch is crying Some poor souls more that are whining Six shots in the back thanks for the attack - It feels good - Six feet, six feet under VIGILANTE: What the fuck? - Six feet, six feet under - This place is mine Six feet, six feet under - This place is what I find - Six feet - It's all mine - Under - It's my home - Six feet, six feet under - I'm alone - Six feet, six feet under - No one controls - Six feet, six Take the tunnel to the forest.
From there, get to Glan Tai, let them know - what's occurred here.
- Yes.
In some nights I think of lifetime Sunlight and how the stars shine Bit by bit I forget 'bout it But I guess I'm feeling happy Unstressed and sometimes sappy On my own (BEEPS) Oh, shit.
We're over them.
There's a basement.
Where the hell's the door? Some sad girl some bitch is crying Some poor souls more that are whining - Six shots in the back - (MACHINE HUMS) Thanks for the attack - It feels good - Six feet, six feet under - It feels fine - Six feet, six feet under - This place is mine - Six feet, six feet under (LEOTA GASPS) - This place is what I find - Six feet - It's all mine - Under - It's my home - Six feet, six feet under - I'm alone - Six feet, six feet (GASPS) - No one controls - Six feet, six feet under This place is six feet under Fuck.
Six feet under Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, no, no, no! - No! (GRUNTS) - (MUSIC FADES) - What are you doing? - If I keep changing my facial expressions, he won't be able to recognize me in a lineup! You need to tell me what you know, how you know it, and who sent you.
Otherwise, you will know pain - unlike ever before.
- I'm not telling you shit! - (ELECTRICITY BUZZES) - (SCREAMS) Fuck! Does that change your mind? Sorry, pal, not for sale.
- What? - Give it all you got! No, no, no, no! (SCREAMS) How do you like that? I like it.
I like it a lot.
I don't give a fuck! You're not gonna break me, motherfucker! Oh, good God, no! No, no, no, no, no, p (SCREAMS) Oh, fuck.
(THUDDING) Goddamn it! (GRUNTING) MURN: Peel off the back and put it on the door.
Fuck! What is it? Experimental ARGUS device, an adhesive explosive.
I just have to link it up to this program.
(RETCHES) Why are you licking it? I thought it was an adhesive, like an envelope.
You just have to peel off the back and stick it on there.
I'm sorry, I just Ugh.
Aren't you Gut Chase's younger brother? The one who was playing D&D all the time? (VIGILANTE GROANING) Since then I've turned my body into an instrument of vengeance.
Dude, that's admirable.
Your body's way more toned than it used to be.
- (GROANS) Thanks.
- I mean, you were always wiry, but solid frame.
Good foundation, I guess.
- (CHUCKLES) - Yeah.
Don't worry.
I'm not giving this guy anything.
Uh, maybe you could just give him a little? (BEEPING) ECONOMOS: Oh, you fucking fucker.
Fuck! Fuck.
No, not the fucking car, you little fucker! So, pure pain couldn't get you to talk.
What about the fear of losing something more permanent, like a toe? I'll start with his pinky.
What? My pinky? Why me again? This one's obviously the alpha, more likely to have knowledge.
And humans are, above all, creatures of empathy.
The best way to get them to talk is to hurt the ones they love most.
- What? - Fuck it! Cut off all his toes, I don't care! Dude, if someone doesn't have their pinky toe, they'd fall over! It's the most important toe in the human body! I don't think that's true.
Well, it is.
I read it on the internet! (SCREAMS) (GROANING) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) (BEEPS) God! (CRIES) - Ugh.
- VIGILANTE: No! (SCREAMING) (BEEPS) Worked in the lab, damn it.
- (GROANS) - GOFF: Why is it not coming off? 'Cause your blades are dull as fuck, man! (SCREAMS) Why don't you maintain your torture shit? (GROANS) - Jesus fucking Christ! - (RETCHES) (BEEPS) (SIGHS) I guess it's not working.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
(EXHALES) - Ugh.
- (JUDOMASTER GROANING) Hey, stop where you are! Ah, fuck.
I said stop! - (YELLS) - (GROANS) - (YELLS) - (GROANS) (WHEEZING) Oh, come on.
Really? (GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Whoo! (LAUGHS) Economos, motherfucker.
Kiai! - (LEOTA COUGHING) - Are you all right? Yeah.
(GROANS) (GROANS) (MURN COUGHING) Are you all right? LEOTA: We're coming, Smith! We're trying! (COUGHS) Smith? Smith? We're okay.
We're down here.
(GROANS) I think he only cut off about half my toe.
Hey, what'd you say your name was again? Adrian.
I need to put my mask back on in case they come down.
Project Butterfly.
(CHITTERS) Push! Push! Lady Lightning! Push! Push! (BEEPING) Ooh, come on I wanna take you higher Ooh, come on let's make electric fire Push! Push! Lady Lightning! Push! Push! Push! Push! Lady Lightning! Push! Push! Push! Push! Push! Push! - Push! Push! Lady Lightning! - Whoa - Push! Push! - Whoa - Push! Push! Lady Lightning! - Whoa - Push! Push! - Whoa (MUSIC CONCLUDES) - Dude.
- What? If you fuck up this mission, I will kill your fuckin' family.
(LAUGHING) Oh, okay.
Good luck.
A little late for that.
You guys got beer?
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