Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014) s01e10 Episode Script

Chuckle City

Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day! Except when they don't.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie! Score a goal! I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero Dreadful.
Atrocious.
Ah, splendidly reprehensible.
That still means terrible.
They say the best art tests the very limits of beauty and truth.
Well, prepare thyselves, for I give thee the pigoilet! F triple minus.
Oh, that felt good.
At least you like my pigoilet, right, Penn? Well, Boone, the truth of it is I love it.
Hey, Phyllis, what's with the pitch black abyss of nothingness? - It just looks kind of alarming.
- I am glad you asked.
Makes more fun for me when I send you without telling.
Ah, it's so dark in here Wait, why am I singing? Good question Why are you singing? Why am I singing? Why are we singing? Oh, I get it in this world - # We have to sing whatever we say # - # Not a fan # But let's go save the day Gosh, in this world, I'm a dude And, look I am a princess with plenty of 'tude A princess is as girly as a girly girl would choose I've got sparkles in my tiara, giant rubies in my shoes I've got beauty and glamour and a pink ball gown, too Oh, why can't I just be a tomboy like you? What do you mean, a tomboy like me? I just meant that you're the smartest And the toughest of girls You never shop for fancy dresses Bows, ribbons or pearls Don't want to worry about my looks Or this glamorous hairdo I'd much rather be a tomboy like you Wait, hold on Why is this coming out so wrong? Apparently, in this world true feelings come out in song Let's just focus on our mission - # And break ourselves free # - # Whatever # Just stop singing about tomboys like me 'Kay Sash, check the specs All right An evil witch plans to steal a mystical crystal Then turn the queen to stone with a hex Piece of cake Dangerous, life-threatening cake These horns are okay but I don't like this dress The lipstick is cute but my mascara is a mess I think you look great I think you should brag Release me at once, you detestable hag You shall undoubtedly be thwarted by the princess most fair What, that princess over there? Monster If you think you'll get away with this you're crazy Hmm, I like this witch thing It's rather cool being a lady Ha ha ha ha We need to get out of here, ASAP No kidding, Princess Penn Or should I say, Princess Obviously Hey, what's that supposed to mean? You talk instead of doing It's become annoyingly routine So should I be more like you Stubborn and obsessed with decapitation? What you call stubbornness is actually determination Let's stop all this arguing ation Boone, we need to get to that crystal Can you get us out of here? # Can I get you out of here?# But of course, my silly dear I've got power to move the stars and moons I've got magic just bursting from my pantaloons We've got to get a move on Before the queen is turned to stone I know how to get us there Prepare your mind to be blown The pigoilet Ah, I should have known We do not mean to make you blush It's just your ride truly is the royal flush Penn, could you tell these immature blokes That the pigoilet should not be the butt of their jokes The truth of it is, it stinks The truth of it is, it's ridiculous I'm sorry I lied before Eek ghad, it's bad Is it a toilet or is it a boar? The truth of it is, you're jealous The truth of it is, you can't handle this Who's got all the glam? I do, it's true I pull this look off much better than you The truth of it is, enough! The truth of it is, you're both annoying me Did you hear what she said, ol' friend? Ah, yes Looks like Sashi's annoyed again The truth of it is, you're mean The truth of it is, you're irresponsible Let's let our dirty laundry air You're kind of crazy you're kind of lazy Yeah, but you sleep with a teddy bear Penn Zero sleeps with a teddy As Rippen does with a stuffed poodle named Freddy Attack, my tree children Charge, destroy, smite I think you'll find their bark To be far worse than their bite I've faced defeat as an alien king With my battered battalion in tow Watched my robotic rats Exploded and smothered in snow Thanks to that meddlesome Penn I've been consistently outclassed That's why I'm pleased to say that victory's mine at last It's like that time at the arcade When I was a little kid I couldn't beat this video game No matter what I did Quarter after quarter I'd get beaten in seconds flat Then somebody said, that's a dryer Not a game, this is a Laundromat Penn always gets the best of me Not once have I even tied Yet I must admit that through it all Larry's never left my side Well, gee, ol' friend if you wanted a hug All you had to do was ask Gah! # Ignore that last part # Let me savor the moment because Victory is mine at last We still need to escape Any helpful suggestions? Don't look at me I'm "irresponsible" I can't even take directions Boone, I didn't mean to call you irrespons Actually, no, that's not true I'm just sorry I did and that those words hurt you Look, we all said stuff while singing and versin' But that doesn't mean That you're not a great wise man uh Person The truth of it is, you're right The truth of it is, I'm not the best wise man But, luckily Penn is near And no fear with Sashi here You guys come up with the plan The truth of it is, I'm a jerk The truth of it is who cares if your sculpture is gross You'll always be my pal, my friend, my bro And in Español, mi amigo The truth of it is, I'm tough The truth of it is, I'm kind of mean at times You're the best of pals, no doubt Then there's me, Sashi, one-third of the trio Sometimes left out The truth of it is, you're glue We click 'cause of you, a perfect team of three Although you're tough as nails You keep us on the rails Making us closer than family We've run out of time to save the queen I'm feeling kind of bluey You've forgotten about the Pigoilet Sooey! Sooey! Sooey! Sooey! All right, queen, are you ready to rock? 'Cause to rock you're about to be turned Rippen, your watch stopped at no-laughs o'clock Oh, dang you just got burned Penn Zero, you're here to see me win in the end But how did you escape? With a little help from a friend Hark, what beauteous splendor is this So pretty a toilet with piggy ears and more As lovely a vision I've seen once before I was jealous of you, pigoilet Just between us Does this mean I get an F plus All grades are final That you should have known Now watch as I turn this queen into stone Now that we've worked out our issues We can finally set things right This is what you get when you mess With the princess, fairy and knight Look at that, we've got time to chat 'Cause there's nowhere you can go Okay, when was the last time you bought olives? Oh, this is why I hate musicals so! Is there a sick baby bird in here who likes his alphabet soup with only R's, I's, P's, P's, E's and N's? How did you get past the security system? I had a glove made with your fingerprints in case of emergencies like this.
Now let mama bird take care of you.
- Here, chicky, chicky, chicky.
- Larry, would you please stop Ooh, well, that's actually really good.
That's because it's made with love and chicken heads.
Now you need some R and R and R.
Rest, relaxation, and rapid eye movement.
Shut those peepers and rapid-eye-movement tight.
Ow, Larry, ow, hey.
Let go of my eyelids! I'm getting up.
You don't get to be a full-time villain by taking sick days.
Hey, don't worry, I'll fill in for you today.
No, Larry, I can only be a full-time villain if I win.
Uh, Phyllis, I'm pretty sure welding without proper face protection isn't safe.
You think I am dumdum? I wear mask.
You have a welding mask of your own face? I have welding mask of everyone's face.
How did you make these? I take mold of your face while you sleeping.
Good luck.
Well, this is terrifying.
Where is Sashi? Check the specs, Sash.
Please, hurry.
Thousands of years ago, a terrifying, evil Overlord put all of his dark power into his battle axe and used it to try to take over the world.
But he was defeated and sealed in an enchanted coffin, then buried deep in this crypt, near the center of the Earth.
Ease up, Sashi.
You're scaring me.
You should be scared.
The Overlord's army of skeletons found his battle axe and are going to use it to free him from his coffin.
We need to find them and destroy his axe, because if he makes it out that door with it, it's game over for the world.
Would you mind carrying me the rest of the mission? Yes.
Yes, you'll carry me, or yes, you mind? Go back.
Go back.
What adventures we go on, huh? Penn! They're everywhere.
One got in my mouth.
Oh, no.
I hate bugs.
What? Get it off! I don't want to touch it.
I don't want to touch it.
Heh.
It's just a frog.
A second face.
Who knew? Ah-rah.
Tah-rah.
Sol-ta-ni.
Ah-rah.
Tah-rah.
Sol-ta-ni.
Ah-rah.
Tah-rah.
Sol-ta-ni.
Ah-rah.
Tah-rah.
Sol-ta-ni.
Look, there's the axe.
Whoo! I am groggy.
You know what would make this coffin way more comfy? Some remember foam.
That stuff's amazing! How's everyone doing today? Larry's the Overlord? Rippen threw up six times in class today.
Larry must be subbing for him.
Man, this thing is a lot heavier than it looks.
Whoo! Okay, let's get to know each other.
This can't be the Overlord.
I know evil.
This is not evil.
Everyone say your name and your favorite color.
I'll go first.
My name is Overlord and my favorite color is uh that's a hard one.
I have so many.
Um, let's see.
I just love burnt sienna but there's just something about a classic yellow.
Oh, don't even get me started about indigo.
Oh, let's not forget primary colors.
- This was too easy.
- Yep, let's smash this thing.
Is navy a blue or is it a black? Oh, sparkles.
Is sparkles a color? - Oh, I just remembered periwinkle.
- Wait.
Those skeletons are going to break Larry in half if he doesn't stop talking about periwinkle.
- Purple and yellow are complementary.
- And we care because Because a part-time hero saves anyone in need, - even his enemies.
- Sounds like some part-time nonsense.
Come on.
It'll be a cool twist on our normal routine.
- Oh, fine.
- Great.
We just need to help Larry save face for a little while.
I can't ever tell.
Hi, Penn! - Man, you're rocking that ponytail.
- Oh no, you caught us! With the axe.
Hello? The axe you need to climb the steps - and take over the world? - So you better take it back? Why are we talking like robots? Oh, thanks.
Hey, did you notice how heavy this thing is? Well, yeah, sure.
It is made of stone - and evil.
- Hey, I'd like to introduce you guys.
Skeletons, heroes.
Heroes, skeletons.
He's not what I expected, but I guess he captured the heroes.
Let's not pulverize him just yet.
Okay, gang, let's keep getting to know each other and have some fun with a game of Truth or Dare.
Me, first.
Dare, dare, dare, dare, dare! Okay, I dare you to lead your army to the surface.
Good one.
Nice.
Minions, listen up! Everyone, find a buddy.
We're going on a field trip.
The friend bone's connected to the nice bone The nice bone's connect Oh.
How are we going to get across, - oh Sinister Master of Darkness? - I don't know.
Maybe we should just go home and order a pizza.
That's it.
Well done, Master.
Okay, last one across is a rotten corpse! How does Rippen put up with this guy? I'll be working on the skeletons - Master, look.
- Boone, distraction.
If you think that bat is huge, look over there at that thing I'm pointing at, which upon closer inspection might be nothing! Aw, little birdy must be tired.
You just rest a while.
- Master has tamed the untamable beast.
- Give me some skin.
We'll be spreading eternal evil - # When we climb # - # Up the steps # We'll be spreading eternal evil - # When we climb # - # Up the steps # We'll be spreading eternal evil Penn, we're getting close to the surface.
We have to stop Larry.
Like now.
I know.
But look at him, the giant little demon.
I mean, we'll stop him after the sing-a-long.
- Deal? - Fine, deal.
Up the steps I'll fill in for you today.
I'll fill in for you today.
Hey, I got us that tandem bicycle I've always wanted.
Let's take it out for a spin after you finish here.
Yes, full-time villain Larry.
Uh-uh, you missed a wart.
No, the other one.
No, no, no, the one next to that one.
The juicy one.
I'm so happy knowing this is going to continue forever.
Forever.
Forever Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream Okay, when I say the word, Sashi you go left.
Boone, you go right, and then I'll go straight for the axe.
- Got it? - Got it.
Let's crush some skulls! Literally.
Ooh, pretty.
Now that feels good.
I got to move.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah! Power.
- Now! What's happening? Help! That's it, Master.
Lead us to victory.
Yeah, you've turned into a really fun boss.
- I like your songs.
- Aw, you guys.
Thanks.
Now let's get some fresh air, huh? No! No, no, no.
This is not how it ends.
This can't be happening! No! - Quick! Zap me in! - I try lemon for first time.
Phil, zap me in now.
Nooo! Yes! Yes, I have it now.
- Rippen? - Yeah! Ha! Rippen, you're feeling better! Break! Break! Smash! Killing! Breaking! Whoa.
Holy Overboard.
I think you destroyed it.
I have to be sure.
- Yeah.
Oh.
- I missed you so much! Help! Heeelp! Somebody help! Someone told me once, a real hero saves anyone in need.
Should we help Rippen? Larry, stop it.
My bones.
Waah! Nah.

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