Phineas and Ferb s03e18 Episode Script
Tour de Ferb (15 min)
You were right, Ferb.
It is more fun to mount the race track on the ceiling.
Hey, guys.
Care to join us for an upside-down slot bike race? No, thank you.
I am not a big fan of bicycle racing.
Oh, come on! Everyone loves a good bike race.
Not me.
You see, I come from a long line of bicycle race losers.
In 1903, my great-grandfather was leading a bicycle race, when he fell into a tiger pit.
Years later, my grandfather skillfully avoided the tiger pit, but sadly not the tiger.
Then, my father was confident he had outsmarted the tiger.
But, he was wrong.
My point is, none of them finished in the top ten.
You know, tiger attacks are comparatively rare in Danville since we installed that tiger excluder on city hall.
Ferb, I know what Baljeet's gonna do today! Hey, Candace.
I was just heading out to Margie's baby shower and look what I found on the stoop.
My new camcorder! Sport edition.
For bustin' on the go.
Yeah.
Well, gotta run.
Margie won't stay pregnant forever.
Don't forget to feed Perry.
Where's Perry? Morning, Agent P.
We've been monitoring Doofenshmirtz's internet traffic and we think it'sâ What in blazes? A pop-up ad? Can you still see me, Agent P? What, another? Agent P, over here! Oh, this is getting ridiculous! I give up! You know the drill.
Monogram out.
Here it is.
The route of the 1st annual Tour de Ferb bike race.
Featuring jumps, obstacles, rickety staircases, and here's where you start the second stretch of the underwaterâ Wait.
Underwater? We tricked the bikes out a little.
Just press the button on your handle bars when you encounter any unusual terrain.
How about tiger attacks? Technically, that's not a terrain.
Isabella was kind enough to enlist the help of the Fireside Girls to make the course guide us, and help out along the way.
More racey, less talky.
Sweet! Race it to the front-line! You're on! Hey, Baljeet.
Don't let a little thing like all your male ancestors getting mauled by tigers during a bike race get you down.
Well, it does seem to indicate a pattern.
Just remember you have something that they didn't have.
Greg LeMond! I'm back here! Hi, Baljeet.
I'm Greg LeMond, the first American cyclist to win the Tour de France.
Three times, actually.
So, like recently? That's not the point.
The point is, I see a kid who needs inspiration.
Oh, you mean me, right? That's right, Baljeet.
Don't let anything stop you.
There's nothing in this world that you can't do.
Actually, I can think of many things I cannot do.
Flying comes to mind.
Also putting my foot behind my head, but it occurs to me that you're speaking hyperbolically.
So point taken, Greg LeMond! I am going to win this race! That's the spirit! U-S-A! U-S-A! I am from India! Ready Set.
Losers! Go! What theâ? No fair! You've got that aerodynamic head! India! India! Oh, Phineas? Ferb? Tour de Ferb? Oh, baby! (Song: Bust is in the Bag) Bust is in the bag The bust is in the bag The bust is in the bag! Video b-b-bust Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Welcome, Perry the Platypus.
I knew you'd fall for the old kickstand trap.
Of course, I didn't know exactly where you've parked, so I really got to watch my step around here.
But as you see, you're trapped in a pile of old computer cables.
I started throwing them in a drawer years ago, and I-I'm sure there's probably one wire you can pull like a like a load-bearing wire that would just make the whole thing unravel.
But how'd you find it? I figured it's just easier to use it as a trap, so I did.
See? Recycling.
Uh-oh! Big round wet thing comin' up! Press your buttons, everybody! Awesome! I can feel my competitive spirit breaking free! Don't give up, Baljeet! Never! Baljeet, you're not quitting, are you? No, sir, Mr.
LeMond.
I came to win! I know things are tough.
There's a little voice telling you to quit.
I hear no voice.
But you can't quit.
But I do not want to quit! Hey, true story.
Hunting accident.
My brother-in-law thought I was a turkey.
Kaboom! But I recovered, and you can too.
Wow.
I have no idea how to respond to that.
I think I will be continuing with the race now.
Dropping out seems like an easy way, but years from now I don't want you to look back and wonder "What if?".
Out of my way, turkey! Why does everybody think I'm a turkey? So, Perry the Platypus, let me tell you about my latest scheme.
The other day, I was perusing the Internet, when I came upon an online auction for a Super Multi-inator.
The other day, I was perusing the Internet, when I came upon an online auction for a Super Multi-inator.
I wasn't even sure what it did, but you know Zupermühltienatà r was my grandmother's maiden name.
It was a sign.
I had to have it, but then something terrible happened.
A pop-up ad kept me from hitting the "bid now" button.
It really hit me where I lived too.
You see, I always hated advertising ever since the early '80s when I did a little product modeling to finance my first Inator.
That's it.
Hold the wombat closer to your face.
Closer.
A little closer.
I don't want to talk about it.
But then I realized, I could use pop-up ads to serve my own evil ends.
So I've come up with a whole slew of products and services that I could advertise and my Pop-up-inator would put pop-up ads virtually everywhere! I'll make millions! (Song: Tour de Ferb) I've got the wind in my hair, I've got the bugs in my teeth My wheels are spinning I got the road underneath It's a competition but a wonderful ride The road may be limited grade but it's a beautiful day The sun is shining Our path is lighting away We can make it As long as you're by my side The vista's more inviting Than it was in the brochure And even though we're riding past a truck filled with manure (We'll just stick to the curb) It's the Tour de Ferb! Right on schedule and fully documented.
The best part is pop-up ads would never go away.
There's a little button that says "click here to close", but guess what? It just opens another pop-up ad! Pop-up ad.
Best idea ever.
Analyzing pile Locating load-bearing wire.
What? Perry the Platypus, how did you get out? Hey, not fair! Okay, no more Mr.
Nice Guy! Come back here, you littleâ Uh-oh.
See, I told you I got to watch my step in here.
I know what you're thinking, but this is neither ironic nor funny.
Are youâ Are you still there? Hello, mother.
Have a nice time at the baby shower? Well Margie's got morning sickness, so there was a little incident.
Ew.
But now I'm clean, so no harm done.
And I can see that you're dying to tell me something.
Uh Not really.
It's just.
Mom, take a look at this.
Mom, take a look at this.
Okâ Your camera gets pop-up ads? What?! Nooooo!!! But it doesn't matter.
I knew where the last obstacle is.
Whoa! Whoa! Candace, I'm not even dressed! Sorry Mom, it's an emergency! Luckily, I've picked today to wear my bike helmet into the shower.
Ah! There it is! The finish line, right on the other side of Danville Chasm.
I am going to win this! Not if I can't help it! Candace, my towel! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Get ready to see something really terrifying! That's better.
Huh.
I guess that is pretty scary.
That guy should not be holding that wombat so close to his face.
But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut Perry the Platypus, wire you're doing this to me? Get it? Wire? 'C-'Cause, I mean wire? Ah, come on.
Now, I know I'm defeated, but at least I got a good joke out of it.
Show me some love.
Nothing? Really? Just gonna leave me hanging here? Ha ha ha! Loser! "Ha ha" yourself.
I am going to win this race! Ooh! The impending victory! It is as sweet asâ Greg LeMond? I thought you were supposed to be motivating me? It worked so well, that I even motivated myself.
Finish line, here Iâ They need to change the battery on the tiger excluder.
Boy, I'll say.
I did it! I won a bike race! Thanks to Greg LeMond inspiring me.
And then, you know, getting attacked by that tiger.
By the way, I hope he is okay.
Oh, man.
I got to call my brother-in-law and tell him that his tiger got out.
We pass a couple gas stations And a defunct flower shop And as we're passing by this farm, the pigs all look up from their slop (We don't mean to disturb) Yeah It's just the Tour de Ferb!
It is more fun to mount the race track on the ceiling.
Hey, guys.
Care to join us for an upside-down slot bike race? No, thank you.
I am not a big fan of bicycle racing.
Oh, come on! Everyone loves a good bike race.
Not me.
You see, I come from a long line of bicycle race losers.
In 1903, my great-grandfather was leading a bicycle race, when he fell into a tiger pit.
Years later, my grandfather skillfully avoided the tiger pit, but sadly not the tiger.
Then, my father was confident he had outsmarted the tiger.
But, he was wrong.
My point is, none of them finished in the top ten.
You know, tiger attacks are comparatively rare in Danville since we installed that tiger excluder on city hall.
Ferb, I know what Baljeet's gonna do today! Hey, Candace.
I was just heading out to Margie's baby shower and look what I found on the stoop.
My new camcorder! Sport edition.
For bustin' on the go.
Yeah.
Well, gotta run.
Margie won't stay pregnant forever.
Don't forget to feed Perry.
Where's Perry? Morning, Agent P.
We've been monitoring Doofenshmirtz's internet traffic and we think it'sâ What in blazes? A pop-up ad? Can you still see me, Agent P? What, another? Agent P, over here! Oh, this is getting ridiculous! I give up! You know the drill.
Monogram out.
Here it is.
The route of the 1st annual Tour de Ferb bike race.
Featuring jumps, obstacles, rickety staircases, and here's where you start the second stretch of the underwaterâ Wait.
Underwater? We tricked the bikes out a little.
Just press the button on your handle bars when you encounter any unusual terrain.
How about tiger attacks? Technically, that's not a terrain.
Isabella was kind enough to enlist the help of the Fireside Girls to make the course guide us, and help out along the way.
More racey, less talky.
Sweet! Race it to the front-line! You're on! Hey, Baljeet.
Don't let a little thing like all your male ancestors getting mauled by tigers during a bike race get you down.
Well, it does seem to indicate a pattern.
Just remember you have something that they didn't have.
Greg LeMond! I'm back here! Hi, Baljeet.
I'm Greg LeMond, the first American cyclist to win the Tour de France.
Three times, actually.
So, like recently? That's not the point.
The point is, I see a kid who needs inspiration.
Oh, you mean me, right? That's right, Baljeet.
Don't let anything stop you.
There's nothing in this world that you can't do.
Actually, I can think of many things I cannot do.
Flying comes to mind.
Also putting my foot behind my head, but it occurs to me that you're speaking hyperbolically.
So point taken, Greg LeMond! I am going to win this race! That's the spirit! U-S-A! U-S-A! I am from India! Ready Set.
Losers! Go! What theâ? No fair! You've got that aerodynamic head! India! India! Oh, Phineas? Ferb? Tour de Ferb? Oh, baby! (Song: Bust is in the Bag) Bust is in the bag The bust is in the bag The bust is in the bag! Video b-b-bust Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Welcome, Perry the Platypus.
I knew you'd fall for the old kickstand trap.
Of course, I didn't know exactly where you've parked, so I really got to watch my step around here.
But as you see, you're trapped in a pile of old computer cables.
I started throwing them in a drawer years ago, and I-I'm sure there's probably one wire you can pull like a like a load-bearing wire that would just make the whole thing unravel.
But how'd you find it? I figured it's just easier to use it as a trap, so I did.
See? Recycling.
Uh-oh! Big round wet thing comin' up! Press your buttons, everybody! Awesome! I can feel my competitive spirit breaking free! Don't give up, Baljeet! Never! Baljeet, you're not quitting, are you? No, sir, Mr.
LeMond.
I came to win! I know things are tough.
There's a little voice telling you to quit.
I hear no voice.
But you can't quit.
But I do not want to quit! Hey, true story.
Hunting accident.
My brother-in-law thought I was a turkey.
Kaboom! But I recovered, and you can too.
Wow.
I have no idea how to respond to that.
I think I will be continuing with the race now.
Dropping out seems like an easy way, but years from now I don't want you to look back and wonder "What if?".
Out of my way, turkey! Why does everybody think I'm a turkey? So, Perry the Platypus, let me tell you about my latest scheme.
The other day, I was perusing the Internet, when I came upon an online auction for a Super Multi-inator.
The other day, I was perusing the Internet, when I came upon an online auction for a Super Multi-inator.
I wasn't even sure what it did, but you know Zupermühltienatà r was my grandmother's maiden name.
It was a sign.
I had to have it, but then something terrible happened.
A pop-up ad kept me from hitting the "bid now" button.
It really hit me where I lived too.
You see, I always hated advertising ever since the early '80s when I did a little product modeling to finance my first Inator.
That's it.
Hold the wombat closer to your face.
Closer.
A little closer.
I don't want to talk about it.
But then I realized, I could use pop-up ads to serve my own evil ends.
So I've come up with a whole slew of products and services that I could advertise and my Pop-up-inator would put pop-up ads virtually everywhere! I'll make millions! (Song: Tour de Ferb) I've got the wind in my hair, I've got the bugs in my teeth My wheels are spinning I got the road underneath It's a competition but a wonderful ride The road may be limited grade but it's a beautiful day The sun is shining Our path is lighting away We can make it As long as you're by my side The vista's more inviting Than it was in the brochure And even though we're riding past a truck filled with manure (We'll just stick to the curb) It's the Tour de Ferb! Right on schedule and fully documented.
The best part is pop-up ads would never go away.
There's a little button that says "click here to close", but guess what? It just opens another pop-up ad! Pop-up ad.
Best idea ever.
Analyzing pile Locating load-bearing wire.
What? Perry the Platypus, how did you get out? Hey, not fair! Okay, no more Mr.
Nice Guy! Come back here, you littleâ Uh-oh.
See, I told you I got to watch my step in here.
I know what you're thinking, but this is neither ironic nor funny.
Are youâ Are you still there? Hello, mother.
Have a nice time at the baby shower? Well Margie's got morning sickness, so there was a little incident.
Ew.
But now I'm clean, so no harm done.
And I can see that you're dying to tell me something.
Uh Not really.
It's just.
Mom, take a look at this.
Mom, take a look at this.
Okâ Your camera gets pop-up ads? What?! Nooooo!!! But it doesn't matter.
I knew where the last obstacle is.
Whoa! Whoa! Candace, I'm not even dressed! Sorry Mom, it's an emergency! Luckily, I've picked today to wear my bike helmet into the shower.
Ah! There it is! The finish line, right on the other side of Danville Chasm.
I am going to win this! Not if I can't help it! Candace, my towel! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Get ready to see something really terrifying! That's better.
Huh.
I guess that is pretty scary.
That guy should not be holding that wombat so close to his face.
But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut But-but-but-but-but-butbutbutbut Perry the Platypus, wire you're doing this to me? Get it? Wire? 'C-'Cause, I mean wire? Ah, come on.
Now, I know I'm defeated, but at least I got a good joke out of it.
Show me some love.
Nothing? Really? Just gonna leave me hanging here? Ha ha ha! Loser! "Ha ha" yourself.
I am going to win this race! Ooh! The impending victory! It is as sweet asâ Greg LeMond? I thought you were supposed to be motivating me? It worked so well, that I even motivated myself.
Finish line, here Iâ They need to change the battery on the tiger excluder.
Boy, I'll say.
I did it! I won a bike race! Thanks to Greg LeMond inspiring me.
And then, you know, getting attacked by that tiger.
By the way, I hope he is okay.
Oh, man.
I got to call my brother-in-law and tell him that his tiger got out.
We pass a couple gas stations And a defunct flower shop And as we're passing by this farm, the pigs all look up from their slop (We don't mean to disturb) Yeah It's just the Tour de Ferb!