Phineas and Ferb s03e36 Episode Script
Perry the Actorpus (15 min)
Well, Perry, as soon as I send in your photo you'll be a contestant in the Totally Tools spokes-animal contest.
What do you say, boy? Ready to be a spokes-animal? That's the spirit! And send.
Hello? Perry won! Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Stop the Busting Retreat.
A one-day seminar to teach us all to use sisterly restraint.
And today, we welcome our newest member, Candace Flynn.
Candace, this is Anne, Sunisa and Danielle.
Yeah, hi.
What we like to do now is a little exercise.
We'll start with you, Anne.
This is a picture of your brother turning your mother's flowerbed into a swimming pool.
What do you do? Well, being a non-buster, I'll probably go to the mall and get a mani-pedi.
Good! See how it's done, Candace? Think you can do that? Ha! Are you kidding? Just try me.
Okay.
So, you see your brothers making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
You Well being a non-buster, I wouldn't bust them for making a sandwich.
But I'd bust them for making a sandwich when it's 5:30 in the afternoon, and we'll all be having supper in a half-hour! They'll ruin their appetites! They are so busted! Okay, who here can tell me where Candace's approach could use a little improving? Candace, put your hand down.
Okay, welcome to Totally Tools.
Now, where is that contest-winning platypus of yours? Oh, will you look at him.
Oh, and he sits up, too! Who says they don't do much? Brilliant! But sitting up isn't enough.
He has to say "Totally Tools".
He has to say "Totally Tools".
I got nothing.
What do you guys think? How about a hat? Brilliant! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
We're gonna put a hat on Perry.
Hang on a minute.
Wait, go back two.
Brilliant! Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora.
Boys, he's got a lot of work to do.
Get busy! Come on, Ferb.
Those boys are brilliant! Sir, your 10:30 balloon is here.
Brilliant! Hmm, hello? Francis! Hi, it's me, Heinz.
Have you seen Perry the Platypus? Dr.
Doofenshmirtz, that information is highly classified and strictly confidential.
You have no idea where he is.
Not a clue.
Okay, thanks! Oh, hey, hang on.
Say, what kind of an evil scheme you got going on there today? Well, it isn't so much an evil scheme as much as a childish prank, but I've invented a A Mustache-inator! It gives people big, bushy, ridiculous-looking mustaches.
Because, as we all know, there's nothing sillier than a big, bushyâ All right, uh Uh But hey, you know, it looks good on you! Ladies and gentlemen, today we give you the new face of Totally Tools Perry the Platypus! Yeah! Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora.
Boys, this campaign of yours has really put us over the top.
What else you got? Well, Ferb came up with an idea for an exploding billboard.
Brilliant! Hey, look! It's a Totally Tools publicity stunt.
Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora hanging from a blimp! Oh, hello, Agent P.
We have a situation.
W-With all these new billboards up all over town, you've become too recognizable to be a secret agent.
So we had to send Agent S to Doofenshmirtz's in your place.
I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go on hiatus until your 15 minutes of fame are up.
I gotta tell you, boys, our president, Tom Totally, thinks you're doing such a brilliant job! He wants you to take the rest of the day off.
Sounds great.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
We can spend the rest of the day with you for a change.
(Song: Let's Spend Half a Day) Hey! I don't wanna sound half-hearted I think you already know I couldn't be there when we started But that was half a day ago We could share half a cheese sandwich Or take in half a view Or we could make it halfway through the zoo! Oh, baby! Let's take half a day to be together Let's make half a day last forever Let's take half a day to make our dreams come true, yeah! Let's spend half a day with you! With you! (Whoo!) Yeah you! (Hey! Hey!) With you! Pew! A handlebar.
Pew! A pencil thin.
Pew! Fu Manchu! Well, now, who could that be? All right, already! This better be important, or you are gonna get such a mustacheâ Wait a minute.
Hmm.
What do we have here? Oh, no, it'sâ It's Sergei the Snail! Eh.
Well, this should be easy.
You've fallen for my trap! Huh? You may have survived that trap, but let's see you escape the cage! Oh, for Pete's sake! Will nothing stop you? Okay, this is quite a jump from group affirmations.
How is this contraption supposed to help me resist the urge to bust my brothers? It's a positive reinforcement machine.
When you ignore your busting impulses, you get a reward.
Let's try it out.
You go out in your backyard and find that your brothers have built a rocket ship.
What do you do? Well, I'm just gonna haveâ I ignore it? Ooh, who's a good girl? You are the good girl.
Yes, you are.
There! That ought to hold you.
Lucky thing Mrs.
Thompson had some salt I could borrow.
Yeah.
Yeah, consider yourself a-salted.
Ah, man, I'm writing that one down.
And now, to business.
See that guy down there with the beard? Pew! Actually, that was kind of a letdown.
Fetch the ball, Perry! Agent P, Doof found Agent S's weakness.
We need you to drop everything and return to duty.
I know we gave you some time off, but-but could you please come back in to work? Please? I can't hold my eyes like this much longer.
Now, Candace.
Your brothers have issued a gold-based currency which has seriously devalued the euro.
What do you do? I do nothing! You are the good girl.
Yes, you are! Wow, you were right.
This is quite a machine.
Where'd you get it, anyway? Phineas and Ferb made it for mâ What did you say? N-N-N-Nothing.
Phineas and Ferb! Why do you always build these things? It's impossible to bust you for everything! It's not my job! Not my job! Not my job? Candace, you had your breakthrough! I'm so proud of you.
Ha! Did you see that? I just put a mustache on that dog'sâ Perry the Platypus, you're back! What a guy! Not so famous you can stop by to trounce an old nemesis, are you, huh? But you can't! It's against the O.
W.
C.
A.
by-laws.
And I quote "No additional agents are allowed to thwart any single evil scientist if said first agent assigned is still well and able to carry out his duties.
" And though surrounded by salt, Sergei the Snail is technically still on duty.
So as long as I have him trapped, you can't touch me! It's all here in black and whiâ Ow, that snail is dynamite! Well, ladies, thanks for everything.
I feel likeâ Uh, Perry? Perry? Perry? Oh, my gosh.
The boys have created an enormous ad campaign around our pet platypus! Uh-oh.
Sisters, I know what you're thinking, but rest assured, this new Candace that you see before you will not react like the crazed little girl that crawled in here just this morning.
Good for you, Candace! For now, I am, and will always be, an older sister who is positive and mature.
That's right, Candace! And I am absolutely 100% positive that I have to bust my brothers.
I can see it in your eyes! You know I'm right! Sisters, will we bust our brothers? Yes! Yes, we will! Sisters, repeat after me! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! What just happened? Y'know, just for the record, Perry the Platypus, I was thwarted by Sergei the Snail, not you! You don't get any credit for this.
Hey, what are you doing? Uh, sir, you're playing with your lip again.
Oh, I can't help it, Carl.
I miss the old duster.
What theâ? Hey, Carl! It's back! Look how great itâ Oh.
Oh, doggone it! Well, that was interesting.
You defaced yourself.
Iâ I didn't see that coming.
To be honest, you have lost me completely.
Hey! Wow, I look just like my grandfather, José Doofenshmirtz.
I-I mentioned him before.
It'sâ It's a weird story.
I'll tell you later.
You know, after I shave.
Hey, what are youâ Oh! Curse you, Perry the Mustachioed Tool Spokespus! But, Mr.
Totally, I have no idea who put those mustaches on those posters.
I-It wasn't my fault! I want every one of these ads torn down totally! They're mocking me! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, all torn down.
Brilliant! Trash can.
Oh, they are so busted! Okay, how she missed that one is beyond me.
Mom! Mom! Mom! Well, I guess that answered the inflatable legs question.
Now, what is it, Candace? Look and see for yourself! You won't believe it! Candace Okay! Now, look up there! I'm astonished.
Yes! Finally! "Nothing Says Totally Tools Like a Snail in a Fedora.
" It makes me want to run right out and buy some tools.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I had better get back to the attic before your father blows up another pairâ Oops, too late.
I'm coming, dear! And I have the patch kit!
What do you say, boy? Ready to be a spokes-animal? That's the spirit! And send.
Hello? Perry won! Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Stop the Busting Retreat.
A one-day seminar to teach us all to use sisterly restraint.
And today, we welcome our newest member, Candace Flynn.
Candace, this is Anne, Sunisa and Danielle.
Yeah, hi.
What we like to do now is a little exercise.
We'll start with you, Anne.
This is a picture of your brother turning your mother's flowerbed into a swimming pool.
What do you do? Well, being a non-buster, I'll probably go to the mall and get a mani-pedi.
Good! See how it's done, Candace? Think you can do that? Ha! Are you kidding? Just try me.
Okay.
So, you see your brothers making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
You Well being a non-buster, I wouldn't bust them for making a sandwich.
But I'd bust them for making a sandwich when it's 5:30 in the afternoon, and we'll all be having supper in a half-hour! They'll ruin their appetites! They are so busted! Okay, who here can tell me where Candace's approach could use a little improving? Candace, put your hand down.
Okay, welcome to Totally Tools.
Now, where is that contest-winning platypus of yours? Oh, will you look at him.
Oh, and he sits up, too! Who says they don't do much? Brilliant! But sitting up isn't enough.
He has to say "Totally Tools".
He has to say "Totally Tools".
I got nothing.
What do you guys think? How about a hat? Brilliant! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
We're gonna put a hat on Perry.
Hang on a minute.
Wait, go back two.
Brilliant! Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora.
Boys, he's got a lot of work to do.
Get busy! Come on, Ferb.
Those boys are brilliant! Sir, your 10:30 balloon is here.
Brilliant! Hmm, hello? Francis! Hi, it's me, Heinz.
Have you seen Perry the Platypus? Dr.
Doofenshmirtz, that information is highly classified and strictly confidential.
You have no idea where he is.
Not a clue.
Okay, thanks! Oh, hey, hang on.
Say, what kind of an evil scheme you got going on there today? Well, it isn't so much an evil scheme as much as a childish prank, but I've invented a A Mustache-inator! It gives people big, bushy, ridiculous-looking mustaches.
Because, as we all know, there's nothing sillier than a big, bushyâ All right, uh Uh But hey, you know, it looks good on you! Ladies and gentlemen, today we give you the new face of Totally Tools Perry the Platypus! Yeah! Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora.
Boys, this campaign of yours has really put us over the top.
What else you got? Well, Ferb came up with an idea for an exploding billboard.
Brilliant! Hey, look! It's a Totally Tools publicity stunt.
Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora hanging from a blimp! Oh, hello, Agent P.
We have a situation.
W-With all these new billboards up all over town, you've become too recognizable to be a secret agent.
So we had to send Agent S to Doofenshmirtz's in your place.
I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go on hiatus until your 15 minutes of fame are up.
I gotta tell you, boys, our president, Tom Totally, thinks you're doing such a brilliant job! He wants you to take the rest of the day off.
Sounds great.
Oh, there you are, Perry.
We can spend the rest of the day with you for a change.
(Song: Let's Spend Half a Day) Hey! I don't wanna sound half-hearted I think you already know I couldn't be there when we started But that was half a day ago We could share half a cheese sandwich Or take in half a view Or we could make it halfway through the zoo! Oh, baby! Let's take half a day to be together Let's make half a day last forever Let's take half a day to make our dreams come true, yeah! Let's spend half a day with you! With you! (Whoo!) Yeah you! (Hey! Hey!) With you! Pew! A handlebar.
Pew! A pencil thin.
Pew! Fu Manchu! Well, now, who could that be? All right, already! This better be important, or you are gonna get such a mustacheâ Wait a minute.
Hmm.
What do we have here? Oh, no, it'sâ It's Sergei the Snail! Eh.
Well, this should be easy.
You've fallen for my trap! Huh? You may have survived that trap, but let's see you escape the cage! Oh, for Pete's sake! Will nothing stop you? Okay, this is quite a jump from group affirmations.
How is this contraption supposed to help me resist the urge to bust my brothers? It's a positive reinforcement machine.
When you ignore your busting impulses, you get a reward.
Let's try it out.
You go out in your backyard and find that your brothers have built a rocket ship.
What do you do? Well, I'm just gonna haveâ I ignore it? Ooh, who's a good girl? You are the good girl.
Yes, you are.
There! That ought to hold you.
Lucky thing Mrs.
Thompson had some salt I could borrow.
Yeah.
Yeah, consider yourself a-salted.
Ah, man, I'm writing that one down.
And now, to business.
See that guy down there with the beard? Pew! Actually, that was kind of a letdown.
Fetch the ball, Perry! Agent P, Doof found Agent S's weakness.
We need you to drop everything and return to duty.
I know we gave you some time off, but-but could you please come back in to work? Please? I can't hold my eyes like this much longer.
Now, Candace.
Your brothers have issued a gold-based currency which has seriously devalued the euro.
What do you do? I do nothing! You are the good girl.
Yes, you are! Wow, you were right.
This is quite a machine.
Where'd you get it, anyway? Phineas and Ferb made it for mâ What did you say? N-N-N-Nothing.
Phineas and Ferb! Why do you always build these things? It's impossible to bust you for everything! It's not my job! Not my job! Not my job? Candace, you had your breakthrough! I'm so proud of you.
Ha! Did you see that? I just put a mustache on that dog'sâ Perry the Platypus, you're back! What a guy! Not so famous you can stop by to trounce an old nemesis, are you, huh? But you can't! It's against the O.
W.
C.
A.
by-laws.
And I quote "No additional agents are allowed to thwart any single evil scientist if said first agent assigned is still well and able to carry out his duties.
" And though surrounded by salt, Sergei the Snail is technically still on duty.
So as long as I have him trapped, you can't touch me! It's all here in black and whiâ Ow, that snail is dynamite! Well, ladies, thanks for everything.
I feel likeâ Uh, Perry? Perry? Perry? Oh, my gosh.
The boys have created an enormous ad campaign around our pet platypus! Uh-oh.
Sisters, I know what you're thinking, but rest assured, this new Candace that you see before you will not react like the crazed little girl that crawled in here just this morning.
Good for you, Candace! For now, I am, and will always be, an older sister who is positive and mature.
That's right, Candace! And I am absolutely 100% positive that I have to bust my brothers.
I can see it in your eyes! You know I'm right! Sisters, will we bust our brothers? Yes! Yes, we will! Sisters, repeat after me! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust! What just happened? Y'know, just for the record, Perry the Platypus, I was thwarted by Sergei the Snail, not you! You don't get any credit for this.
Hey, what are you doing? Uh, sir, you're playing with your lip again.
Oh, I can't help it, Carl.
I miss the old duster.
What theâ? Hey, Carl! It's back! Look how great itâ Oh.
Oh, doggone it! Well, that was interesting.
You defaced yourself.
Iâ I didn't see that coming.
To be honest, you have lost me completely.
Hey! Wow, I look just like my grandfather, José Doofenshmirtz.
I-I mentioned him before.
It'sâ It's a weird story.
I'll tell you later.
You know, after I shave.
Hey, what are youâ Oh! Curse you, Perry the Mustachioed Tool Spokespus! But, Mr.
Totally, I have no idea who put those mustaches on those posters.
I-It wasn't my fault! I want every one of these ads torn down totally! They're mocking me! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, all torn down.
Brilliant! Trash can.
Oh, they are so busted! Okay, how she missed that one is beyond me.
Mom! Mom! Mom! Well, I guess that answered the inflatable legs question.
Now, what is it, Candace? Look and see for yourself! You won't believe it! Candace Okay! Now, look up there! I'm astonished.
Yes! Finally! "Nothing Says Totally Tools Like a Snail in a Fedora.
" It makes me want to run right out and buy some tools.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I had better get back to the attic before your father blows up another pairâ Oops, too late.
I'm coming, dear! And I have the patch kit!