Phineas and Ferb s03e45 Episode Script
Cranius Maximus (15 min)
I've got a feeling that today is the day.
Even as we speak, my brothers are planning something dangerous, disguised as playing cards! Well, I'm out.
Me, too.
Losers.
Sorry, I am late.
That's okay.
Deal him in, Ferb.
Who came up with cards anyway? They were invented by ancient Babylonian traders and merchants.
Actually, the Babylonians had been defunct as a distinct culture for millennium prior to the introduction of playing cards in India.
That is right! Three months of summer vacation and I am losing my edge! Has it only been three months? 'Cause I've been adding up all of the things we built this summer, and we're way over 150! Oh! My brain is atrophied! It needs exercise! Gang, I know what we're gonna do today! And Perry? Who knows? And here, we have a marvelous 16th century wardrobe.
We have one just like this when I was a schoolboy.
And inside it was another land filled with magical woodland creatures.
You English and your fantasy worlds.
Uh, can I show you some end tables? Hello, Agent P! Sorry about the trees, they were leftovers from Christmas and we didn't have anywhere else to store 'em.
Oh, and uh, also the air-conditioning system is on the fritz, so pardon all the frost.
All over the Tri-State Area, keys are disappearing.
Businesses can't open, the freeways have ground to a halt, citizens are locked out of their homes, and I, for one, would really like to get into the executive washroom.
It's got a waterfall.
You know, you wave your hand and the water just sort ofâ Well, it'sâ It's really cool.
Stop Doofenshmirtz! Quickly! Look at this! This is my brain during the school year and this is my brain now! They look just the same.
I know! But it took me three minutes to remember how to give myself a CAT scan! I am slipping! Not to worry, Baljeet.
We've done a bit of cerebro-stimulatory haberdashery since you left.
Huh? We made a hat for your brain, slowy.
Boy, he is slippin'.
Try it on! What does it do? Hold on.
It stimulates your brain.
Oh, my.
An electric bike helmet? Lame! Hey, Stacy.
You still wanna go to the pool? So, Baljeet.
How many sub-atomic particles do you suppose are in that dandelion? Hmm But I could not tell you the exact location of any of them because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.
Seems like it works.
Bow, chicka, bow-wow! That's what my baby says! Mow-mow-mow! And a something somethingâ Perry the Platypus? You know, you could've waited till I put my pants on, that would've at least been polite.
And do you know what we do to rude people around here? We put them in a water soluble capsule.
And there's not enough platypus spit in the world to get you out of it.
Yeah, hop this way, let me show you what I've been up to.
Keys, keys, keys! Master keys, skeleton keys, latch keys, skate keys I love keys! And you know, take it from me, once you've accidentally locked yourself in a milk can full of cockroaches for a couple of hours, you'llâ You'll develop a real appreciation.
But uh, collecting keys one at a time takes forever! That's why I've invented, the Key-Find-inator! Or the Find-a-Key-inator! I-I haven't quite figured out what I want to call it.
Cool, huh? Soon, I will be able to open any door in the Tri-State Area, it'sâ It's brilliant.
Uh, but my key chain is enormous.
Andâ And it weighs a ton and everyone can hear me coming.
What I really need is one key that opens everything! The Key to the City! My pompous brother, the Mayor, is always handing it out to some yokel of dubious qualifications.
Well, today, it's going to be this yokel of dubious qualifications.
Wow, look at him go.
He's like a new man! Ah, he still gets de-pansed one leg at a time.
This is great! With my stimulated brain, I am dreaming up all sorts of super smart projects! Great! Picked out a favorite? I have! You see, the greatest impediment to making astronomical observations, is our atmosphere.
It is like looking through pea soup! So to make our terrestrial telescopes more effective, I am going to take all of the Earth's atmosphere, and put it on the moon! Uh I don't Um Sounds suffocate-y.
Sounds suffocate-y.
Ah, I will disintegrate that bridge when I come to it.
But Baljeet, if the atmosphere is goneâ And it is so simple! I can use an ion coupling device to attract each atmospheric molecule to the second greatest gravity source, which in this case, is the moon, and after the initial impact, the particles will bounce up into lunar orbit! He is so hard-core! Blue skies on the moon! Imagine that! Hey, Baljeet? Can I talk to you for a second? Of course! I will just use small words! So Oh, we were hoping that we could talk you out of transferring the Earth's atmosphere to the moon.
On the eve of my greatest triumph? Well, we were just thinking it would be sort of a hollow victory, you know, with everybody not being able to breathe anymore? Science marches on! Okay, thanks! Brain booster.
In retrospect not such a good idea.
In retrospect not such a good idea.
I think Brain Boy's had enough stimulation for one day.
Ow! Hey, that hurts! Yes! Yes, it does! This way my work will not be interrupted by creatures who cannot possibly understand it! Like raccoons, or people, for instance.
I was so looking forward to Junior High.
We're going to have to get into that tower.
Any ideas? Yeah, so the, uh, Key to the City ceremony's not starting for a while so, uh We got someâ Oh, you know, I-I just realized that I'mâ I'm wearing a white lab coat and I'm leaning back against a black tire.
That'sâ I think I might have to go change.
Maybe we could each get a tool, and come at him from four different sides.
Baljeet is way too smart to fall for a trick like that.
Plot all you want, I have my eye on you! No one will be able to stop me from stripping away the Earth's atmosphere! Oh, the things I will be able to see! He was smart before, but now he's like a super genius! Maybe we should try flattery to win him over.
Or, how 'bout a bribe? I don't think we could offer him anything that would satisfy his super intellect.
Yeah, he's so amazingly smart now.
All right, gang.
This is our chance to attack the Atmospheric Device.
He's bound to notice that.
Exactly! This is just busy work, isn't it? Jetpacks? I thought you wereâ Wood pulp effigies? Clever, but not clever enough! (Song: Big Brain) Be careful where you tread Ha! You got me seein' red I'm a mental thoroughbred Hmm? All the secrets of the universe are in my head You won't get very far, I want to see the stars Maybe later on, I'll build a rocket to Mars Now you're gonna feel the pain 'Cause you're taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) Taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) You're looking like you're dragging your cerebral feet I know that you're all mental midgets, so I'm gonna repeat I'm using little words to make it plain Ain't no taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) No hope of taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) There's no use taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) I said you're taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah, yeah!) He's a big brain Aww! I got you in my tractor beam! Time to strip the atmosphere from our planet, and allow an unobstructed view of the cosmos! Danville Pool, here I Hello, Mom? Uh-huh? Uh-huh.
That would count as dangerous.
But I can't go anywhere until I find my keys.
Wow, great mad scientist weather, isn't it, Perry the Platypus? It's so dramatic! Ooh, the ceremony should be starting now.
And now, it is my pleasure to present the Key to the City to this great humanitarian and American.
Th-Thank you, thank you.
Um You know, when I set out to reinvent the ball-peen hammerâ Hey! I've got it! I've got it! There, you see? I told you it was water soluâ Only a few more seconds to my greatest triumph! I wonder what I will do tomorrow.
Attention, Baljeet! Prepare to surrender! Surrender to whom? You are frozen! Are we? That is not possible! Well, I mean, clearly, it is possible, but highly unlikely.
Prepare to beâ Surprise! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, that is so gross! But it's kinda awesome.
Something is different.
How did you get in here? We tunneled up through the base while you were busy with our jetpack decoys.
I do not understand.
Well, remember when we all made those life-sized stuffed models of ourselves this morning? No.
It pays to show up on time.
I will get an alarm clock.
Two minutes to Atmospheric Transfer.
Oh! It is too late! I do not understand the controls anymore! Didn't you build a fail-safe or something? Yes, of course! It is right here, and the key is right over on the hook! Here it comes! Here it comes! Here it comes! Here it comes! Yeah, I got it! At last, I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, can open any door with this, the Key to the Cityâ You know, I can't believe it's so cartoonish-ly big.
It's almost like it's not a real key, but just sort of, symbolic of a key.
It'sâ Hey, what are you doing? Yeah, well, whatever, Perry the Platypus.
I got what I want! This giant, metal key that when I think about it, is probably too big to fit into any of the keyholes that I would ever come across, which makes me question the whole valâ Oh.
I guess I'll just call theâ Oh, for goodness sake! They were in my hand the whole time! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Where is the key?! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Where is it?! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Is this it? Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Yes! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Atmospheric Transfer terminated.
We should do something about that helmet, huh? No! No, you should not! I used my now vastly superior intellect to build the world's largest wedgie machine! Boy, you try to eliminate the atmosphere one time Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Backyard! Look! Hi, Mom! Something is different.
But there was a monstrous building here just a second ago! But there was a monstrous building here just a second ago! Well, it pays to be on time.
Who wants pie? I know I do! Oh, me! Me! Me, me, me! Me, me, me! Me! Oh, there you are, Perry.
I'm going to get an alarm clock.
You're looking like you're dragging your cerebral feet I know that you're all mental midgets, so I'm gonna repeat I'm using little words to make it plain Ain't no taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) No hope of taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) There's no use taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) I said you're taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah, yeah!) He's a big brain
Even as we speak, my brothers are planning something dangerous, disguised as playing cards! Well, I'm out.
Me, too.
Losers.
Sorry, I am late.
That's okay.
Deal him in, Ferb.
Who came up with cards anyway? They were invented by ancient Babylonian traders and merchants.
Actually, the Babylonians had been defunct as a distinct culture for millennium prior to the introduction of playing cards in India.
That is right! Three months of summer vacation and I am losing my edge! Has it only been three months? 'Cause I've been adding up all of the things we built this summer, and we're way over 150! Oh! My brain is atrophied! It needs exercise! Gang, I know what we're gonna do today! And Perry? Who knows? And here, we have a marvelous 16th century wardrobe.
We have one just like this when I was a schoolboy.
And inside it was another land filled with magical woodland creatures.
You English and your fantasy worlds.
Uh, can I show you some end tables? Hello, Agent P! Sorry about the trees, they were leftovers from Christmas and we didn't have anywhere else to store 'em.
Oh, and uh, also the air-conditioning system is on the fritz, so pardon all the frost.
All over the Tri-State Area, keys are disappearing.
Businesses can't open, the freeways have ground to a halt, citizens are locked out of their homes, and I, for one, would really like to get into the executive washroom.
It's got a waterfall.
You know, you wave your hand and the water just sort ofâ Well, it'sâ It's really cool.
Stop Doofenshmirtz! Quickly! Look at this! This is my brain during the school year and this is my brain now! They look just the same.
I know! But it took me three minutes to remember how to give myself a CAT scan! I am slipping! Not to worry, Baljeet.
We've done a bit of cerebro-stimulatory haberdashery since you left.
Huh? We made a hat for your brain, slowy.
Boy, he is slippin'.
Try it on! What does it do? Hold on.
It stimulates your brain.
Oh, my.
An electric bike helmet? Lame! Hey, Stacy.
You still wanna go to the pool? So, Baljeet.
How many sub-atomic particles do you suppose are in that dandelion? Hmm But I could not tell you the exact location of any of them because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.
Seems like it works.
Bow, chicka, bow-wow! That's what my baby says! Mow-mow-mow! And a something somethingâ Perry the Platypus? You know, you could've waited till I put my pants on, that would've at least been polite.
And do you know what we do to rude people around here? We put them in a water soluble capsule.
And there's not enough platypus spit in the world to get you out of it.
Yeah, hop this way, let me show you what I've been up to.
Keys, keys, keys! Master keys, skeleton keys, latch keys, skate keys I love keys! And you know, take it from me, once you've accidentally locked yourself in a milk can full of cockroaches for a couple of hours, you'llâ You'll develop a real appreciation.
But uh, collecting keys one at a time takes forever! That's why I've invented, the Key-Find-inator! Or the Find-a-Key-inator! I-I haven't quite figured out what I want to call it.
Cool, huh? Soon, I will be able to open any door in the Tri-State Area, it'sâ It's brilliant.
Uh, but my key chain is enormous.
Andâ And it weighs a ton and everyone can hear me coming.
What I really need is one key that opens everything! The Key to the City! My pompous brother, the Mayor, is always handing it out to some yokel of dubious qualifications.
Well, today, it's going to be this yokel of dubious qualifications.
Wow, look at him go.
He's like a new man! Ah, he still gets de-pansed one leg at a time.
This is great! With my stimulated brain, I am dreaming up all sorts of super smart projects! Great! Picked out a favorite? I have! You see, the greatest impediment to making astronomical observations, is our atmosphere.
It is like looking through pea soup! So to make our terrestrial telescopes more effective, I am going to take all of the Earth's atmosphere, and put it on the moon! Uh I don't Um Sounds suffocate-y.
Sounds suffocate-y.
Ah, I will disintegrate that bridge when I come to it.
But Baljeet, if the atmosphere is goneâ And it is so simple! I can use an ion coupling device to attract each atmospheric molecule to the second greatest gravity source, which in this case, is the moon, and after the initial impact, the particles will bounce up into lunar orbit! He is so hard-core! Blue skies on the moon! Imagine that! Hey, Baljeet? Can I talk to you for a second? Of course! I will just use small words! So Oh, we were hoping that we could talk you out of transferring the Earth's atmosphere to the moon.
On the eve of my greatest triumph? Well, we were just thinking it would be sort of a hollow victory, you know, with everybody not being able to breathe anymore? Science marches on! Okay, thanks! Brain booster.
In retrospect not such a good idea.
In retrospect not such a good idea.
I think Brain Boy's had enough stimulation for one day.
Ow! Hey, that hurts! Yes! Yes, it does! This way my work will not be interrupted by creatures who cannot possibly understand it! Like raccoons, or people, for instance.
I was so looking forward to Junior High.
We're going to have to get into that tower.
Any ideas? Yeah, so the, uh, Key to the City ceremony's not starting for a while so, uh We got someâ Oh, you know, I-I just realized that I'mâ I'm wearing a white lab coat and I'm leaning back against a black tire.
That'sâ I think I might have to go change.
Maybe we could each get a tool, and come at him from four different sides.
Baljeet is way too smart to fall for a trick like that.
Plot all you want, I have my eye on you! No one will be able to stop me from stripping away the Earth's atmosphere! Oh, the things I will be able to see! He was smart before, but now he's like a super genius! Maybe we should try flattery to win him over.
Or, how 'bout a bribe? I don't think we could offer him anything that would satisfy his super intellect.
Yeah, he's so amazingly smart now.
All right, gang.
This is our chance to attack the Atmospheric Device.
He's bound to notice that.
Exactly! This is just busy work, isn't it? Jetpacks? I thought you wereâ Wood pulp effigies? Clever, but not clever enough! (Song: Big Brain) Be careful where you tread Ha! You got me seein' red I'm a mental thoroughbred Hmm? All the secrets of the universe are in my head You won't get very far, I want to see the stars Maybe later on, I'll build a rocket to Mars Now you're gonna feel the pain 'Cause you're taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) Taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) You're looking like you're dragging your cerebral feet I know that you're all mental midgets, so I'm gonna repeat I'm using little words to make it plain Ain't no taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) No hope of taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) There's no use taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) I said you're taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah, yeah!) He's a big brain Aww! I got you in my tractor beam! Time to strip the atmosphere from our planet, and allow an unobstructed view of the cosmos! Danville Pool, here I Hello, Mom? Uh-huh? Uh-huh.
That would count as dangerous.
But I can't go anywhere until I find my keys.
Wow, great mad scientist weather, isn't it, Perry the Platypus? It's so dramatic! Ooh, the ceremony should be starting now.
And now, it is my pleasure to present the Key to the City to this great humanitarian and American.
Th-Thank you, thank you.
Um You know, when I set out to reinvent the ball-peen hammerâ Hey! I've got it! I've got it! There, you see? I told you it was water soluâ Only a few more seconds to my greatest triumph! I wonder what I will do tomorrow.
Attention, Baljeet! Prepare to surrender! Surrender to whom? You are frozen! Are we? That is not possible! Well, I mean, clearly, it is possible, but highly unlikely.
Prepare to beâ Surprise! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, that is so gross! But it's kinda awesome.
Something is different.
How did you get in here? We tunneled up through the base while you were busy with our jetpack decoys.
I do not understand.
Well, remember when we all made those life-sized stuffed models of ourselves this morning? No.
It pays to show up on time.
I will get an alarm clock.
Two minutes to Atmospheric Transfer.
Oh! It is too late! I do not understand the controls anymore! Didn't you build a fail-safe or something? Yes, of course! It is right here, and the key is right over on the hook! Here it comes! Here it comes! Here it comes! Here it comes! Yeah, I got it! At last, I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, can open any door with this, the Key to the Cityâ You know, I can't believe it's so cartoonish-ly big.
It's almost like it's not a real key, but just sort of, symbolic of a key.
It'sâ Hey, what are you doing? Yeah, well, whatever, Perry the Platypus.
I got what I want! This giant, metal key that when I think about it, is probably too big to fit into any of the keyholes that I would ever come across, which makes me question the whole valâ Oh.
I guess I'll just call theâ Oh, for goodness sake! They were in my hand the whole time! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Where is the key?! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Where is it?! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Is this it? Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Yes! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Atmospheric Transfer terminated.
We should do something about that helmet, huh? No! No, you should not! I used my now vastly superior intellect to build the world's largest wedgie machine! Boy, you try to eliminate the atmosphere one time Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Backyard! Look! Hi, Mom! Something is different.
But there was a monstrous building here just a second ago! But there was a monstrous building here just a second ago! Well, it pays to be on time.
Who wants pie? I know I do! Oh, me! Me! Me, me, me! Me, me, me! Me! Oh, there you are, Perry.
I'm going to get an alarm clock.
You're looking like you're dragging your cerebral feet I know that you're all mental midgets, so I'm gonna repeat I'm using little words to make it plain Ain't no taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) No hope of taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) There's no use taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah!) I said you're taking on the big brain (Big brain, yeah, yeah!) He's a big brain