Pie In The Sky (1994) s01e09 Episode Script

Who Only Stand and Wait

1 S01xE09 "Who Only Stand and Wait" May 8, 1994 Oi, Gary! Clear it up! Do you know anything about them? Yes, it´s got a wheel at each corner.
You´re a lot of good.
No it needs a new filter.
Well? Bedfordshire Champion.
Congratulations.
Sir? No, no, it´s the name of the variety.
Bedfordshire Champion.
Oh, is that a hint, Crabbe? Would you like me to grow some? I´ve got just the spot.
Down there.
It looks wet.
Don´t I know it.
I could grow water lilies.
Why don´t you put a drain in? What´s that? I thought you were a detective.
Well, why didn´t they do it before? Well, the drain had to be cut on that side, and my neighbor, Bill, he had a crabby landlord.
Sorry.
Bill´s terms was to keep the farm exactly as he found it.
And now? The landlord´s dead.
Keel.
Graham Carol Keel.
Did you know him? You don´t forget a man called Carol.
Keel! "Even Keel," I called him.
He was a queer old coot.
Forbade me to do so much as wash the windows.
The farm buildings are unpainted.
We still use Tamworth pigs and Shorthorn cattle.
Oxford Down sheep.
It´s like running a museum.
"The farm that time forgot," that´s what my wife calls it.
Doesn´t she like living there? Nobody lives on the farm.
We live in Middleton.
Middleton? Well, that´s hardly what you´d call convenient.
Oh, it´s all right.
We´ve got a nice, new house, central heating.
Power shower.
Mains drainage.
The wife loves it.
I shouldn´t complain, really.
I got a good deal from Keel.
At least I won´t kill meself working, like a lot of farmers.
Now, there´s a rare thing a man who´s satisfied with his lot in life.
Mr.
Crabbe here is rather against progress.
Yes, I am, especially if "progress" means Ocean Stix and oven chips.
Reconstituted beef.
Frozen garden peas.
Barn hens.
Oh now, isn´t that a terrible industrial process? All those thousands of hens, cooped up in the pitch dark and then made to produce eggs when somebody throws a light switch it´s a living hell.
Now, if you´d have seen my Castilians, on the other hand He keeps hens.
It´s the only way to be sure.
Okay, Bill.
Oops, I´ve got to go.
Sorry.
Progress.
It´s amazing.
Wonderful.
My grandfather taught me.
Was he a waiter? A waiter? He was a butcher in Milan.
One of Milan´s finest, in fact.
So that´s it, then? Ossobucco.
"Shin of veal," in these parts.
Chalk it up as tonight´s special, and thank you very much, John.
Not so fast with the chalk, John, all these shins need cutting thin.
You´re the chef.
I´m the waiter.
You do it.
Me? But I never knew your granddad.
I´ll have a go.
Henry, don´t you need those? - What? - Your fingers.
It´s perfectly safe.
Not that way, it isn´t.
May I show you again, Mr.
Crabbe? Please.
We´ve got hidden talents amongst us.
John´s been showing us how to cut veal the Italian way.
I´m going to feed the chickens.
Excuse me.
Feed the chickens? Speak to you in private.
Oh.
Speak.
I want to have a special guest in the restaurant.
Oh, consider it done, Margaret.
Who? And I want you to eat with us.
Who? Barry Wilkes.
Who´s he? Chicken farmer.
Mr.
Chunky Chicken.
Mr.
Chunky Chicken, what, the chicken gauleiter? Absolutely not.
I can´t put him off any longer.
Margaret, he keeps 20,000 chickens in one shed! Cooking for him is like cooking for Heinrich Himmler.
He´s a very important client, Henry, I have to humor him.
So I do, too? Some of my biggest mistakes have been compromises.
But not with me.
All right.
Call it a day.
Bloody hell.
Oh, Barry, that´s beautiful.
Take these, would you? I´ll finish with the pie, if you want to go off, chef.
Thanks, Steve.
Boots.
Sir, the Assistant Chief is here.
What the hell does he want? It´s well past his bedtime.
Sir.
Inspector.
How´s it going? Steady, sir.
What exactly have we got? It´s a girl, aged about 18, sir.
She´s been preserved by the nature of the ground.
It´s wet Is this police work, or is it archaeology? The archaeologist reckons it´s police work.
She says the body´s been here for over 10 years, but less than 100.
She´s not a Viking.
The cadaver, sir.
Well, it´s the 10 years we´d be more interested in.
Can´t she be more precise? Well, if it´s not court evidence, sir, I think she´d say 20, about.
Get on the car phone and get this get this number.
I´ll be down in a second.
You want Commissaire Dupont.
She´s in parts, sir, like a kit.
But, um we haven´t got all of them.
How much can you, uh assemble? Oh, most we´ve got a thigh bone, for example, which puts her at about 5 foot 6, but we´re still missing the hands, head, and shins.
Keep digging.
If I weren´t an expert in business, the Chunky Chicken barn run would have snared a fledgling owl.
Oh! "Some chicken, some egg.
" That were Winston Churchill.
Barry does his own voice-overs on the ads.
- Oh.
- Chunky Chicken advertising.
You must have seen it on the local telly.
I don´t watch it.
It gets them buying, you know.
You should try an ad in the paper.
Well, we don´t need to.
The restaurant´s nearly always full.
So it must be your margins.
Very astute.
Aye, and if there´s one thing I know about, it´s margins.
I´m an expert, and so is the lovely Mrs.
Crabbe.
Barry.
I know when the lovely Mrs.
Crabbe is worried, and the only thing she worries about is you.
Me? You´ve the face of a happy man.
You´ve found your proper vocation, and let´s face it, the food is brilliant and the restaurant is full.
Ish.
Pie in the Sky is heaven.
So it must be your margins.
Hmm.
Wake up, nonce.
No rest for the wicked.
Fisher.
It´s the Chief Constable.
Was it that farm? Yes, sir, he´s given us some material for the scientists to work on.
Are you compromised? We don´t even know it´s her.
Come off it, Fisher.
I am not compromised, even if it is her, sir.
We convicted the right man, end of story.
I hope you´re right.
Good night, Fisher.
I am an expert.
You are a saint.
"Some chicken, some egg.
" A good egg.
Hard-boiled.
Coddled.
No, you were a dream.
Diplomat.
Really? Was I? What have my margins got to do with him? Eh? Where´s the file on Claudette Thierry? Thierry T-H I-E-R-R-Y.
French girl, murdered about 1975.
- Where? - Middleton.
She was doing a bit of farm work locally, don´t you remember? 1975? I would have been 8.
Assistant Chief Constable Fisher has got it, sir.
Shall I tell him you want it? No, Constable, no.
Don´t do that.
I´ll get it later.
I´m sor Table for one? Apparently.
By the window? Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Can I fetch you anything? A kir, please.
And a small, clean plate.
Thank you.
Not yet.
Oh, would you give that to the chef? Yes, madam.
With the compliments of Table 3.
What is that? It´s it´s very earthy.
Very.
Well, what is it? It´s a French truffle.
It´s a Périgord truffle.
So, what, what´s the difference? The Italian ones are white and bigger.
Marianne! Henry! How how lovely to see you! What are you doing here? Just passing.
Oh, ho, just passing.
Are you on leave? No, I work in England.
Someone told me you opened a restaurant, so I thought, "Marianne, if Henry Crabbe has a restaurant, you have to try this.
" You do, you do.
Come on, come and see the kitchen.
Are you cooking? Oh, no, lunch is finished now.
Wow.
Cheers, see you again soon.
So.
This is retirement.
Is he a good boss? He´s a tyrant.
A perfectionist.
Of course.
The perfect kitchen.
Henry, it´s really fantastic.
It´s really you.
Thank you.
Yes? Mm-hmm.
It´s beautiful.
Mmm.
It´s very good.
Don´t get a taste for it.
This stuff costs how much per kilo? Hmm, £300 to £400.
Table 6 is waiting.
What is this? Truffle omelet.
Put it on the menu.
Marianne someone told you I had a restaurant.
Fisher.
Mm-hmm.
He says you are not actually retired.
They found a body.
I´d like you to come and see.
Where? A place called Keel´s Farm.
You know it? Hello? Ah! Marianne Dupont, meet Margaret Crabbe, my wife.
Marianne is a Commissaire of Police in Paris.
She and I worked on a case together.
Oh, years ago.
He never mentioned you.
Well, I mean, it was before we met.
Which case? Uh, it was a murder.
I only ever met Henry in a police station.
But this! And you, his beautiful wife.
Now I see him in a different light.
Lucky Henry.
Uh, PC Cambridge is sitting in a police car outside, unless she´s waiting for her omelet, too.
Well? Been undisturbed for years, I´d say.
So would I.
Henry, I hope you aren´t a-wasting Christian kisses on a heathen idol´s foot.
What? Kipling, English poet.
Ted Strange.
Detective Inspector Strange, Commissaire Dupont.
I know who she is.
So, Henry, what´s Fisher got you up to? Well, you tell me.
Replacing me, I´m told.
Miss Dupont.
Henry was the original case officer? Fisher was.
Henry worked under Mr.
Fisher.
Want my advice, Henry? You watch your back.
Thanks.
Would you excuse us? Fisher´s up to something, you know.
Yeah, but what? Your signature´s not on the confession.
No, my inspector shoved me out on a local inquiry while he took the statement himself.
Oh, what a surprise.
Fisher, glory-seeking.
It´s how these blokes get on, Henry.
Have you read the file? Not for some time.
Well, I have.
I´ll refresh your memory.
No body, no motive.
No description of why he did it.
Just a bald confession taken from a thick-headed agricultural laborer "I killed her.
" Yeah, but he was the last man to be seen with her.
In a pub, wasn´t it? Well, that could have been you or me, but we wouldn´t have fallen prey to the persuasive charms of Fisher, would we? Meaning? Henry, people are going to start wondering, "Is there something wrong with the conviction?" And if this stuff starts flying, who do you think Fisher´s going to make it stick to Yeah.
Sir.
Found something else.
Not waving, but drowning.
Will they be able to get prints off that? After 18 years, I shouldn´t think so.
But they tell me anything´s possible with technology.
Is that Claudette Thierry, sir? You´re very well briefed.
Antennae.
Hmm.
Come on, let´s have a look at those farm buildings.
You know, once upon a time, Assistant Chief Constable Fisher was a mortal Detective Inspector.
And I was his sergeant.
We were a good detecting team.
Yes, sir.
No, no, we were really very good.
So when Claudette Thierry vanished in 1975 and a quick result was required, Fisher and I were given the job.
So, if that is Claudette Thierry Which we don´t know yet.
This is the end of a journey for you and Mr.
Fisher.
Sort of.
And that´s why Mr.
Fisher wants you to replace Detective Inspector Strange.
Hmm, kind of sentiment.
Tell me, do you associate the word "sentiment" with Mr.
Fisher, Cambridge? No, sir.
No.
Neither do I.
Oh, won´t someone mind, sir? No, nobody´s lived here for years.
Oh, well.
Knock that window down, Cambridge.
You really think we should, sir? Oh, come on, be an Amazon, get on with it.
Come on, get on with it.
Good, now pop inside and open the door.
I can´t get in.
Come on.
Thanks.
This is a museum.
"The farm that time forgot.
" No phone, no television.
Blissfully silent.
Have you been here before, sir? Briefly.
It´s a butcher´s saw.
See? Double-cut teeth, special blade, thicker, rust-free.
Bit sophisticated for a domestic kitchen.
You didn´t see this when you were here before? No, I wasn´t in here.
I was only ever in the front parlor.
Well, come on, Cambridge, Keel was periphery to the inquiry.
There was no reason to search the house.
Gary never even stayed here.
Gary? Gary Bourne.
Listen.
Probably just rats.
Shall we have a look? After you, sir.
I wish I´d seen this then.
Who are they? Well, the older man is Graham Carol Keel.
He owned this farm.
The younger one is Gary Bourne, itinerant laborer.
He was working in this area when the girl vanished.
Fisher convicted him of the murder.
You might have asked for the key! Sorry.
This is a long way from your restaurant, Mr.
Crabbe.
Yeah, well, my other life.
I know.
Henderson told me.
You ever been in here before? Only to dust.
Has it ever changed? No.
Has anyone else ever been in here? No, I´ve got the only key.
When did you take over Keel´s farm, Mr.
Wilson? Uh 1980, when the farm became too much for old Keel.
It came direct from him to me.
What, he worked it alone? Oh, with a vengeance.
He only took on casuals when he needed to.
I mean, no friends? No.
And no hint of all this? What, bodies? No, I mean, I´m not a brave man, but if I´d known anything like this was going to happen, I wouldn´t have touched the farm with a barge pole.
Are you in charge? You look a bit hot and bothered, Henderson.
I am, they´re digging up bits of someone next to my bottom field! Yeah, so? So? How can I work, knowing every time I turn a sod over, I might come up with an ear? Or a nose.
Or a foot or something.
No, we´ve got the feet.
It´s my land they´re interested in, not yours.
That´s not the point! I´m being inhibited! I´ll have to ask for compensation.
Ah set aside.
That´s a countryman´s joke, right? We´re in this together, Bill! Who´ll want your spuds when the eyes in them might just be that No, we haven´t got the head.
Really love the head.
Please.
Sir? Is that her? Yep, that´s her.
That´s Claudette Thierry.
Well? Really upset Ted Strange.
How about the body? My guess is, it´s her.
Good, then we can tie the whole thing up.
Not necessarily.
Surprise me.
Why? Where did you get these? Keel´s farm.
He´s got a hoard of them.
Photographs, cuttings, clippings for years after her death.
Bloody hell.
They look quite friendly there, don´t they? I can´t imagine Gary trying to kill someone on Keel´s farm without Keel actually knowing about it.
So Keel was in on it.
We missed one.
We? You went to the farm, Henry.
You interviewed Keel.
But not Gary.
That´s right, I interviewed Gary.
You may have noticed, for the last 18 years, Gary´s been in the chokey.
What are you suggesting, sir? You forget, Gary was an itinerant laborer.
He worked on a dozen farms round here.
I interviewed all the farmers, but you wouldn´t let me interview Gary.
So how could I know if one of them was his friend? That´s right, Keel was his friend, wasn´t he? We missed one.
Excuse me, sir, the Chief Constable is on the car phone for you.
Sir, it´s just that.
Meaning? Meaning, if I´ve missed one, it´s a problem, but if you´ve had the wrong man in jail for 18 years, it´s a disaster.
Unh-unh.
We.
"We.
" Bone saw, saw bone.
See for yourself.
Here, here and here.
Points of comparison.
The teeth are a mechanical fit for the marks.
That saw cut that bone, without a doubt.
It´s in remarkably good condition.
Only the bone was under the ground.
I was wondering if you could tell us about the user of the saw.
Like what? Post code? Color of eyes? Has a right-handed edge.
And a right Habitually.
Can I? Help yourself.
Positive I.
D.
from Paris.
It´s her.
Not fingerprints, surely? No, she was wearing a ring Claudette´s mother gave her.
This is Keel´s famous kitchen saw? Mm-hmm.
Well! That´s that, then.
I´m sorry, Henry.
Will you tell Fisher, or will I? Why don´t you tell him, Marianne? "Sorry"? What did she mean by "sorry"? Gary confessed to Fisher and was convicted of the murder of Claudette Thierry.
But he never told anyone where the body was.
Now, apparently, we´ve found Claudette´s body.
Unfortunately, it´s been cut to pieces by that saw over there.
The problem is, it belongs to Keel, not Gary.
I see.
So Gary´s confession lacks something the name Keel, at least.
One step at a time.
The ring was mass-produced.
Not proof positive it´s the girl.
What, two murders on one farm? Yeah, it´s unlikely, isn´t it? No, I think you´re right.
One step at a time.
What do we need? A fingerprint.
There´s no chance of that.
No.
What´s next? Well, your friend there brought dental charts.
A jaw would be easiest.
Well, we haven´t got that.
The field´s been scraped bare.
We have to have it.
Go back to the excavation and gee them up.
Yes, sir.
Where will you be? I´m going to be in what Mr.
Fisher calls the chokey.
Oi! Here.
What do you reckon on this, chum? It´s an old sock.
Yeah.
I just dug it out of the top of this field.
I don´t suppose we´re looking for socks.
There might be another.
Oi, Sarge? How did you get that cut? Fell.
How? Slipped.
Slipped and landed on your head? That´s right.
Uh-huh.
Why are you working alone? Other prisoners have got me down for a nonce.
Nonce? Sex offender.
I´m not.
But you are here for killing Claudette, Gary.
Why did you kill her? You know, what you need is some parole, Gary.
That may be.
You´d be a cert to get it, you know.
Of course, you´d have to confess everything.
If I admit I did it, do you think I´d get it? Yes but you´d have to tell us where the body is.
I don´t want parole.
I´ve read your confession.
It´s very short on detail.
Why did you kill her? Where is the body? Gary, Graham Keel is dead.
Keel is dead.
And we found a body on Keel´s farm.
Now, why don´t you tell us what happened? Those chickens are layers, aren´t they? We get what we´re given.
Aren´t they too tough? Just cook ´em a bit longer.
Of course.
Remember, you can speak out now, Gary.
Keel is dead.
Graham dead? Yeah.
That´s a picture of you and him, isn´t it? Claudette must have taken this one, no? Wouldn´t know.
Well, someone did.
You are both in it.
Look, we need a positive identification, Gary.
We´ve found the body of a woman in the four-acre field at Keel´s farm.
Now, is it Claudette? Four That´s right.
Is it her? Is it Claudette, Gary? I don´t know.
Well, you must know! How can you not know? Been in here for 18 years.
Well, why did you say you killed her? I don´t know.
Where did you dig and where did you put the body? It´s okay, Gary.
That´s enough.
Hello, Henderson, what´s going on here? I gave the sergeant permission for your chaps to search me field.
Is something wrong? Well, that´s not for me to say.
That´s right.
I mean, the sergeant is in charge.
I suppose you´ll have to double-dig this corner before you can use it.
You know, blue suits you, Miss Cambridge.
Sarge? Over here.
What is it? Well let´s hope it´s the head, Henderson.
So why did he lie to Fisher? He´s weak, suggestible.
He said what he thought Fisher wanted him to say.
Well, if that´s true, there´s no reason for you to shout at him.
I did not shout! Hmm.
Very clever.
I think you´ve been a donkey about this from the beginning, Henry.
How? Stubborn.
The fact is, Fisher convicted that man on nothing more than a confession.
No body, no motive, no description of how it was done, just hands up, "I did it.
" That could only happen in England.
Oh, I don´t know about only.
And now, 18 years later, when the body is found, Fisher puts you in charge of the investigation the only man in England whose reputation will suffer as much his would.
You, Henry.
You and Fisher don´t see, because you don´t want to see! See what? Keel murdered Claudette, not Gary.
He cut her up and buried her.
I´ve already thought of that.
And you and your stupid boss convicted Gary for it.
This is a cover-up of British police incompetence.
That would be a feather in your cap, wouldn´t it? That´s why you came tearing over here from France.
Got nothing to do with Claudette Thierry.
There´s something in it for you, isn´t there? What is it? A big new job in the Ministry.
Tell me it´s not her.
It´s her.
That dental record and that jaw belong to each other.
They´re twins.
Jumeaux, I suppose we must say.
Hello, Claudette Thierry.
Damn! I´m afraid it gets worse, sir.
Would you have a look at this, please? This is the blade of the saw we found at Keel´s farm.
It´s the same one that was used to cut up the body.
So? They both had access to it.
Only Keel was right-handed.
These cuts are right-handed cuts, made by a right-handed man using a right-handed blade.
Gary Bourne is left-handed.
Profoundly left-handed.
I´ll go and wash some beakers.
Damn! You don´t suppose they murdered him together? They could.
But didn´t, eh? No.
Keep getting all this evidence about Keel, and there´s nothing on Gary except that confession.
Damn! Why did he confess? Probably because you persuaded him to, sir.
It´ll be in all the newspapers.
I´m not a Detective Inspector.
This job´s political, Henry.
You don´t come back from mistakes like Gary.
You know, Marianne accused you of bringing me on this case to help with a cover-up.
It would have been nice.
I thought she was a friend of yours.
So did I.
But you can always change your mind about people.
Now, if you´ll excuse me, sir, I´ve got to get back to my restaurant.
Your friend is here.
Well, I´m busy.
That´s not what you said before.
Look, there´s a limit to loyalty, and he´s gone way beyond it.
I don´t care what he can do for my margins, I do not want to be lectured in front of his little friends.
I´m very happy with me in here and him out there.
Not him.
Her.
Ah.
I´m sorry, Henry.
I was rude.
I´m truly sorry to say these things.
Thank you, Marianne.
Can you forgive me? Excuse me, Henry.
Don´t worry.
I´ll get my own back.
Excuse me.
"Chercher la femme," eh, Henry? "Cherchons la femme" is what Dumas wrote.
I´ll introduce you.
She´s a cracker.
She is that, all right.
A word.
The two I´m with are possible investors.
In? Come off it, Henry.
In this place.
Put a bit of money in, buy some smarter furniture, build up a posh wine list, and improve your margins.
I´m not open to investors.
Right? Marianne, allow me to introduce Mr.
Barry Wilkes.
Your penance is to have lunch with him today.
Oh, he´s a wag.
I´ll give you a lovely time.
Henry.
John? Um, when you´re free Made for each other.
Cut that.
How? Any way you like.
Why? Just cut it.
You opened that bottle of wine left-handed.
Well, I am left-handed.
Oh, and the scissors? Are right-handed.
It´s a right-handed world, Mr.
Crabbe.
But you used that saw to cut the veal right-handed.
Well this saw has a right-handed edge.
If a left-hander uses it, he´ll blunt the teeth.
And this? Has the edge on the right-hander´s side.
If I use that with my left hand, I´ll blunt it.
And Mr.
Crème Brûlée, over there, would be a little browned off at me if I did that.
What did you say? Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hello, Gary.
This is Mr.
Fisher.
Remember him? Gary? I took your statement, Gary, at the time.
I was the investigating officer on the case.
I know.
Old Fish Eyes.
You shouted at me.
I doubt it.
You did.
Well, it was a long time ago.
Now, Gary, we´d like you to cut that piece of bone.
Go on.
Why do you use your right hand, Gary? Edge is on that side.
Taught not to take the edge off.
Just like your chap.
Who taught you not to take he edge off, Gary? He were very particular about his tools.
Who was? Graham Keel.
He employed you? Aye, sometimes.
Was he your friend, as well? Yeah.
Did he help you? Aye.
Did he show you how to cut the girl up, Gary? Don´t worry, Gary, You can´t hurt him now.
Nobody can.
Yeah.
Graham showed me.
It would have saved a great deal of trouble if you´d told us this before, Gary! Who killed Claudette, Gary? I did.
Why? She screamed.
What made her scream? Me.
Only wanted to be friends.
She screamed.
The noise, noise.
I had to stop her screaming.
Who got rid of the body, Gary? I did.
Just you? Nobody asked me that before.
Just you? Graham, as well.
You should have told us at the time, Gary.
You should have given us the whole story at least her family would have had the body.
- I couldn´t.
- Why? Didn´t know where the body were.
Graham buried her alone.
Then you should have told us about Keel.
- I couldn´t.
- Why? He were my friend.
That´s it, then.
You can do it.
Ossobucco on the menu.
Or "shin of veal," if you´re fussy.
Nah.
I´ve gone off it now.