Pinky and the Brain (1995) s02e02 Episode Script

Collect 'Em All/Pinkasso

GEE, BRAIN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN ONE IS A GENIUS THE OTHER'S INSANE THEY'RE LABORATORY MICE THEIR GENES HAVE BEEN SPLICED THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN BEFORE EACH NIGHT IS DONE THEIR PLAN WILL BE UNFURLED BY THE DAWNING OF THE SUN THEY'LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN THEIR TWILIGHT CAMPAIGN IS EASY TO EXPLAIN TO PROVE THEIR MOUSY WORTH THEY'LL OVERTHROW THE EARTH THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN NARF! CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
Brain: 1455.
IN A SMALL TOWN IN GERMANY, AN INVENTOR NAMED GUTENBERG USHERS IN A NEW ERA.
HA HA! AT LAST! I HAVE PRINTED A BIBLE WITH MOVABLE TYPE.
Brain: WITH THAT, GUTENBERG HAS FULFILLED A LIFELONG AMBITION.
NOW THAT I FINALLY HAVE SOMETHING TO SELL, I CAN BE A DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMAN.
Brain: AND, UNBEKNOWNST TO HIM, HE HAS ALSO PAVED THE WAY FOR A MOUSE OF SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
NARF! WHAT DID YOU SAY, BRAIN? I'M DELIVERING THE EXPOSITION, PINKY.
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
POIT! UM, WHAT'S THAT BIG CONTRAPTION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM, BRAIN? IT'S GUTENBERG'S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT, PINKY.
AH! YOU MEAN POLICE ACADEMY 4? NO, PINKY, BUT YOUR RETENTION OF LOW BROW TRIVIA IS IMPRESSIVE.
THAT IS A PRINTING PRESS.
IT IS THE REASON WE CAME HERE, PINKY.
POIT! I THOUGHT WE CAME FOR THE BRACING ALPINE SCENERY AND THE FRIENDLY SAUSAGES.
THAT IS ONLY A SIDE BENEFIT, MY FRIEND.
OUR LITTLE SOJOURN HAS THE MORE SERIOUS PURPOSE OF EXPLOITING A REVOLUTIONARY NEW INVENTION WHICH WILL FOMENT REVOLUTION AND TOPPLE THE AGE-OLD SYSTEM OF MONARCHY.
THE CUCKOO CLOCK, BRAIN? OOF! THE PRINTING PRESS, PINKY.
TRY TO PAY ATTENTION.
DO YOU REALIZE THE ENORMOUS POTENTIAL OF PRINTED MATTER TO EXCITE THE MASSES? YOU MEAN NEWSPAPERS, RELIGIOUS TRACTS, THE VICTORIA'S SECRET CATALOG? HMM.
NO.
TRADING CARDS.
I WILL PRINT CARDS WITH MY IMAGE, PINKY.
SOON CHILDREN ALL OVER EUROPE WILL BE COLLECTING THEM.
I'LL BECOME SO FAMOUS THAT I'LL BE ELECTED RULER BY ACCLAMATION.
[CUCKOO] THAT IS BRILLIANT, BRAIN.
COME, PINKY.
AN ARDUOUS TASK AWAITS US.
OH.
RIGHT, BRAIN.
OOF! OHH! WAAAH! NARF! NOW, PINKY.
PERFECT.
THESE IMAGES WILL INSPIRE PEOPLE TO COME TOGETHER AND ELECT ME THEIR LEADER.
NAAARF.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT SCARY HOOD, BRAIN? THESE ARE ALLEGORICAL IMAGES, PINKY, DESIGNED TO STIR THE SUPERSTITIOUS MEDIEVAL MIND.
FOR EXAMPLE, HERE I AM ON THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE.
OH, AND LOOK! HA HA HA HA! YOU BOUGHT A VOWEL.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HURT YOU, PINKY.
THESE LETTERS ARE PART OF THE HIDDEN MESSAGE: "AND THUS THE BRAIN SHALL LEAD US.
" THE MESSAGE IS REVEALED ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE COLLECTED THE WHOLE SET.
EGAD! BRILLIANT, BRAIN.
BUT, OH, NO.
NO, WAIT.
UM, IF YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER WRONG, YOU GET "SHUT THE BRAIN'S NULL SALAD HEAD.
" HA HA HA HA! YOUR TALENT FOR ANAGRAMS BORDERS ON THE SAVANT.
I KNOW.
BUT THE CARDS ARE NUMBERED, PINKY.
BESIDES, EVEN A CHILD WOULD RECOGNIZE THE SIMPLE PROGRESSION OF THESE IMAGES.
SEE? THIS IS ME COURTING INDUSTRY AND SPURNING SLOTH.
THIS IS ME ASTRIDE THE BEAST OF IGNORANCE.
AND THIS IS ME PRETENDING TO GO REALLY FAST.
WHOO-OOH! NARF! CEASE, DEMON.
THIS IS ME QUESTIONING VANITY.
THIS IS ME ADMIRING THE BEAUTY OF TEMPERANCE.
WAAAH! OOF! THIS IS ME IN GREAT PAIN.
[CUCKOO] [CUCKOO] [CUCKOO] [CUCKOO CUCKOO CUCKOO] EXTRY! EXTRY! GET YOUR TRADING CARDS.
TRADING CARDS, MA'AM? UH, IT'S NO USE, BRAIN.
NOBODY'S STOPPING.
WE MUST NOT GIVE UP, PINKY.
YOU! PUDGY MEDIEVAL BOY.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK TO OWN A SET OF THESE HANDSOMELY PRINTED TRADING CARDS WITH MY PICTURE ON THEM? WHY? WHO ARE YOU? I AM A MOUSE USING THE POWER OF THIS NEWLY INVENTED MEDIUM TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
I AM GOING TO BE YOUR LEADER.
THAT SOUNDS REALLY DORKY.
BUT DON'T YOU WANT SOMEONE TO SHOW YOU THE WAY? DON'T YOU WANT TO SURRENDER ALL INITIATIVE AND BLINDLY TRAIL AFTER A SUPERIOR BEING? DON'T YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ME? NO.
[FLUTE PLAYS] I WANT TO FOLLOW HIM.
NARF! THE PIED PIPER! OH! OH! OH! CAN WE FOLLOW HIM, TOO, BRAIN? HUH? CAN WE? CAN W-- DON'T DISTRACT ME, PINKY.
APPARENTLY, I'VE BEEN OVERLY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT MEDIEVAL APPETITE FOR COLLECTIBLES.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING, BRAIN.
A FEAT THAT WILL SURELY PLUNGE US BACKWARD.
WHAT IF YOU PACKAGED THE CARDS WITH SOMETHING EVERYONE LIKES, SOMETHING, UM I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING PINK AND CHEWY? THAT'S BRILLIANT, PINKY.
ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? WELL, I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT WHAT IF WE STICK TO THE SEAT COVERS? NO, PINKY.
SOMETHING PINK AND CHEWY.
WE WILL PACKAGE THE CARDS WITH SAUSAGES! AH! FRIENDLY SAUSAGES.
AND I KNOW JUST THE PLACE TO GET SOME.
HURRY! HURRY! GET YOUR TRADING CARDS! NARF! NOW WITH FREE SAUSAGE! AH! AH! AH! JA! FREE SAUSAGE! JA! EGAD, BRAIN! IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING.
YES, PINKY.
NOW IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
WHO HAS "VANITY?" I WILL TRADE YOU FOR "DILIGENCE.
" FOR "THE DEFEAT OF LETHARGY.
" [ALL TALKING AT ONCE] WOW! WHEN YOU PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER, THERE'S A MESSAGE.
ACH! ACH DU LIEBER! YOU KNOW, BRAIN, IT MIGHT BE A NICE TOUCH TO INCLUDE A LITTLE MUSTARD PACKET WITH EACH SAUSAGE.
GUSTATORILY ADMIRABLE, PINKY, BUT, FROM A SALES STANDPOINT, UNNECESSARY.
Shouting mob: BRAIN! BRAIN! WE WANT ZE BRAIN! BRAIN! BRAIN! WE WANT ZE BRAIN! BRAIN! BRAIN! WE WANT ZE BRAIN! YOU HEAR THAT? THEY ARE CLAMORING FOR ME.
EGAD! CLAMOR.
YES, PINKY.
IT MEANS MY PLAN HAS WORKED.
COME.
I MUST MEET MY ADORING PUBLIC.
[CLAMORING] GOOD, SIMPLE PEOPLE, YOU HONOR ME BY COMING HERE TONIGHT.
IS THAT HIM? HE LOOKS LIKE A RAT.
IT CAN'T BE.
WE PAID THE GUY TO GET RID OF ALL THE RATS.
WELL, WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY PAY HIM.
I WILL BE PROUD TO ACCEPT WHEN YOU ELECT ME YOUR LEADER BY ACCLAMATION.
WE DIDN'T COME TO ELECT YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN.
WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SAUSAGE? LOOK AT THIS TRASH YOU'VE EXPOSED OUR CHILDREN TO.
ACH! YOU HAVE PRINTED THE CARDS ON THE BACK OF SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
YOUR INTELLECTUAL TOMES? YOUR NEWSPAPERS? NO.
THE GIRLIE CALENDARS I PRINTED FOR THE LOCAL BLACKSMITH SHOPS.
PLEASE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS WAS ALL A MISTAKE.
JA, YOU BET IT WAS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR IT.
JA! JA! YOU'LL PAY! I ASSURE YOU MY INTENTIONS WERE HONORABLE.
I WASN'T TRYING TO LEAD YOUR CHILDREN ASTRAY.
NARF! LOOK BEHIND YOU.
HE IS.
Man: YOU THINK WE JUST FELL OFF THE STRUDEL TRUCK? HA HA! YOU SEE? HE IS TRYING THE OLD "NARF, LOOK BEHIND YOU, HE IS" TRICK.
EGAD! BUT--BUT DON'T WORRY, PINKY.
THEY'LL DISCOVER THEIR FOLLY SOON ENOUGH.
BESIDES, WE MUST LOOSEN THESE ROPES SO THAT WE CAN RETURN TO THE CUCKOO CLOCK AND PREPARE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT, BRAIN? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY, COVER OURSELVES WITH RECUPERATIVE SALVE AND, THEN, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN * TONIGHT, PINKY, WE ARE HOSTING A PARTY, AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE ATTENDING.
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE? DO YOU THINK MARTHA STEWART WOULD APPROVE, BRAIN? WE SHALL FIRE A ROCKET CARRYING BILLIONS OF TINY, SELF-ADHESIVE MIRRORS AT THE MOON.
UPON DETONATION, THE MIRRORS WILL COVER THE ENTIRE SURFACE OF THE ORB, THUS CREATING A GIGANTIC DISCO MIRROR BALL.
NAAAARF! AS HUMANITY SPENDS ITS EVERY WAKING MOMENT DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY, WE SHALL SEIZE THE PLANET! BRILLIANT, BRAIN.
OH, WAIT.
NO.
NO.
WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET A ROCKET AT THIS HOUR? FROM THIS RUSSIAN CATALOGUE, PINKY.
"MAD MOLOTOV'S WARHEAD WAREHOUSE.
COLD WAR SURPLUS AT RED HOT PRICES.
" WE'LL NEED IN EXCESS OF $23 MILLION.
EGAD, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET IT? I INTEND TO ESTABLISH MY REPUTATION AS AN IMPORTANT AND REVERED PAINTER, THEN USE THE PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF MY WORKS TO FUND OUR VENTURE.
INCREDIBLE, BRAIN! NOT BRAIN, PINKY.
FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD, I AM TOULOUSE LAUBRAIN, ARTISTE MODERN.
THE GALLERY OF MODERN ART.
OUTSIDE THIS ARCHITECTURAL WONDER HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED MANY OF THIS ERA'S PREEMINENT ARTISTIC TALENTS, SOON TO INCLUDE TOULOUSE LAUBRAIN.
WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING, LAUBRAIN? OOF! AFTER A PAINSTAKING COMPUTER ANALYSIS OF PAST ARTISTIC TRENDS, INCLUDING REALISM, CUBISM, SURREALISM, DADAISM, AND MAMAISM, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO PREDICT THE NEXT GREAT MOVEMENT-- DONUTISM! YUMMY! OH, THAT'S THE BEST ONE YET, LAUBRAIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PINKY? IT'S THE ONLY ONE.
WELL, NOT QUITE, BUT YOURS IS THE ONLY CHOCOLATE.
MAYBE IF YOU ALL GOT TOGETHER, YOU COULD OFFER DISCOUNTS ON A DOZEN.
Woman: AWFUL.
[SOBBING] HOW BOURGEOIS.
HOW WRONGLY KITSCH.
[SOBBING] PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT IF YOU REPLACE THE "P" WITH AN "O," MY NAME WOULD BE OINKY, WOULDN'T IT? NO, PINKY.
THOSE CRITICS WILL SEAL OUR FATE.
I'M AFRAID THE ART WORLD HAS HAD ITS FILL OF DONUTISM.
HMM.
MAYBE THEY SHOULD EAT MORE VEGETABLISMS, THEN WASH IT ALL DOWN WITH A NOURISHING GLASS OF MILK.
PINKY, THERE'S PAINT IN THERE.
MMM? [GAGS] CHOO! PAINT IN MILK? SHOULDN'T THEY HAVE PUT THAT SOMEWHERE ON THE LABEL? BRAVO.
SUBLIME.
HOW DID YOU ACHIEVE SUCH A DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN COMPLEXITY AND SIMPLICITY? UH, I GAGGED AND SNEEZED.
POIT! YOUR HUMILITY IS AS REFRESHING AS YOUR WORK, MR.
, UH PINK-- PINKASSO.
MASTER PINKASSO.
AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE, SIR? OH, WELL, HE IS TOULOUSE LAUBRAIN, SOON TO BE KNOWN AS--OOF-- THE MOUSE, UH, MAN WHO DISCOVERED PINKASSO AND HIS GREAT CONTRIBUTION TO THE ARTS, NASALISM! NASALISM? WHY, IT'S STUNNING IN ITS PRIMAL ANGST.
AND RESPLENDENT IN ITS EMOTIONAL DENSITY.
LOOK, THERE'S THE CRITIC FOR ART SNOB MAGAZINE.
QUICK, WE MUST GO FORTH AND PROCLAIM PINKASSO'S BRILLIANCE.
BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES.
PINKY, IT'S A MIRACLE.
LENNY AND SQUIGGY FINALLY GOT THEIR OWN SHOW? NO, PINKY.
YOU ARE ABOUT TO JOIN THE RANKS OF WORLD-RENOWNED ARTISTS.
PREPARE FOR YOUR AFTER THAT, CAN I HAVE DON'T TEST ME, PINKY.
Girl: CUTE, VERY CUTE.
[YAWNS] TRÉS, UH-- WHAT DO YOU THINK, GENEVIEVE? OH, WELL, IT IS VERY-- WHAT DO YOU THINK, FRANCOIS? WELL, I THINK IT IS, UH-- VERY, UM WHAT YOU SAID.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU TOOK OUT THE "P" AND REPLACED IT WITH AN "O", MY NAME WOULD OINKASSO.
HA HA.
[OOHS AND AHHS] NOW TO UP THE ANTE.
DISGUSTING.
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! AND, UH, YOU ARE? BOB DEL MONTE, CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE UN-AMERICAN ARTISTIC ACTIVITY COMMITTEE.
THIS WORK IS OBSCENE AND INDECENT, AND WHEN I AM ELECTED PRESIDENT, I SHALL CLOSE THIS FACILITY PERMANENTLY.
[GASPS] THIS STUFF MUST BE GOOD.
PINKASSO IS A MASTER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! DEMAGOGUE.
TYRANT.
PHILISTINE.
TINY HEAD.
BRAIN, MY ARM IS GETTING TIRED.
YOU KNOW, THIS MAY AFFECT MY KNUCKLEBALL.
OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD, PINKY.
YOU MUST SUFFER FOR YOUR ART.
BUT SHOULDN'T I BE PAINTING THE CANVASES MYSELF? DON'T BE SILLY, PINKY.
NO MODERN ARTIST WORTH HIS SALT DOES HIS OWN WORK.
YOU MEAN RED SKELTON DOESN'T REALLY PAINT THOSE CLOWNS? RED MAY BE THE RARE EXCEPTION, PINKY? NOW KEEP SIGNING.
THE VALUE OF YOUR WORK IS ABOUT TO SKYROCKET.
BECAUSE [CLEARS THROAT] IT IS MY SAD DUTY TO REPORT THAT WHILE WORKING ON A NEW PAINTING, PINKASSO'S NASAL PASSAGES BECAME OBSTRUCTED.
ALL ATTEMPTS TO ADMINISTER DECONGESTANT WERE UNSUCCESSFUL.
THE GREAT PINKASSO IS NO MORE.
[GASPS] WE ARE FORTUNATE THAT PINKASSO WAS ABLE TO COMPLETE A SCANT FEW MASTERPIECES BEFORE HIS PASSING.
Brain On TV: THE FINAL PINKASSOS WILL BE AUCTIONED TONIGHT.
[SOBS] OH, BRAIN, WHY DID PINKASSO HAVE TO DIE? WHY? WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE REALLY APPRECIATES AN ARTIST UNTIL THEY'RE DEAD, PINKY.
NOW YOUR WORK IS VIRTUALLY PRICELESS.
BUT IT'S SO SAD.
I--I FEEL AS IF I'VE LOST SOMEONE VERY CLOSE TO ME.
TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS, PINKY, EXCEPT PERHAPS THE ONE IN YOUR HEAD.
[GAVEL SLAMS] SOLD FOR $43,000 TO THE MAN IN THE BLACK FEDORA.
THE BIDDING FOR OUR NEXT LOT WILL START AT $20,000.
GREAT PINKASSO.
[SOBS] ANOTHER DOLLAR.
DOLLAR TO A DIME AND 29.
SOLD! NEXT LOT.
SOLD.
SOLD.
SOLD.
SOLD.
WHEW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I BRING YOU THE LAST PINKASSO.
[MUTTERING] PSST, BRAIN? WHAT IS IT, PINKY? WE'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY WE NEED, BRAIN? Man: I BID ONE MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE LAST PINKASSO.
YES, WELL, PERHAPS WE'LL NEED A LITTLE EXTRA TO REDECORATE OUR OFFICES.
UH, DO I HEAR 1.
5 MILLION FOR THE LATE PINKASSO'S FINAL MASTERPIECE? [SOBS] ANYTHING TO APPEASE MY SORROW.
BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE THE LOSS.
[SOBBING] I HAVE IN THE WORLD.
IF ONLY IT COULD BRING PINKASSO BACK.
OH, NARF! IT'S SO SAD.
I MISS HIM, TOO.
HE WAS SO, SO LIKE THE WAY HE WAS.
[SOBBING] NO, PINKY! [AUDIENCE GASPS] IT'S PINKASSO! HE'S NOT DEAD.
HOW DARE HE BE ALIVE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS DOES TO THE VALUE OF MY PAINTING? [GULPS] [GULPS] THERE THEY ARE! FICKLE, AREN'T THEY? I SENSE EXTREME DISCOMFORT WILL SOON BEFALL US.
YAAAAAAA! IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT BY SUFFERING FOR YOUR ART, BRAIN? SOMETIMES THOSE OF US WITH VISION ENDURE HARDSHIPS ON THE ROAD TO GREATNESS, PINKY.
NOW COME, WE MUST PREPARE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHY, BRAIN? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT? THE SAME THING WE NEARLY DID TONIGHT, PINKY, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE-- OW! PERHAPS WE SHOULD SIT OUT A NIGHT.
THEY'RE DINKY, THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL