Pinky and the Brain (1995) s02e09 Episode Script

Two Mice and a Baby/The Maze

GEE, BRAIN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN ONE IS A GENIUS THE OTHER'S INSANE THEY'RE LABORATORY MICE THEIR GENES HAVE BEEN SPLICED THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN BEFORE EACH NIGHT IS DONE THEIR PLAN WILL BE UNFURLED BY THE DAWNING OF THE SUN THEY'LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN THEIR TWILIGHT CAMPAIGN IS EASY TO EXPLAIN TO PROVE THEIR MOUSEY WORTH THEY'LL OVERTHROW THE EARTH THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN NARF! CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING] TELL ME AGAIN IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
IT IS THE ONLY WAY.
A CHILD NEEDS HIS PARENTS.
A CHILD NEEDS TO SURVIVE.
[BABY GURGLES] THIS SHIP WILL PROTECT HIM, TEACH HIM, AND NURTURE HIM.
LIFE SUPPORT COMING ON-LINE.
GUIDANCE SET FOR THE THIRD PLANET UNDER THE YELLOW SUN.
THE NATIVES CALL IT EARTH.
[EXPLOSION] AAH! LAUNCH! LAUNCH! PINKY, I'M PICKING UP A STRANGE SIGNAL.
BUT, BRAIN, YOU ALWAYS TELL ME NEVER TO PICK UP STRANGE THINGS.
AAH! THAT'S BECAUSE YOU PUT EVERYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH.
LISTEN, PINKY, THAT'S A DISTRESS SIGNAL FROM AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT.
IT MAY CONTAIN A VISITOR FROM ANOTHER PLANET.
OH, MY.
NARF! I SHALL HAVE TO GET THE GOOD DISHES OUT OF STORAGE.
THEY'RE NOT COMING FOR TEA, PINKY.
THEY'RE ABOUT TO CRASH.
JUST IMAGINE ALL THE ADVANCED SCIENTIFIC EQUIPMENT WE'LL FIND ONBOARD.
OOH! MAYBE THEY'LL HAVE A SALAD SPINNER.
Brain: MILES AND MILES OF WHEAT FIELDS.
SOMEHOW WE HAVE TO FIND THAT CRASH SITE.
UMWOULD IT LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BRAIN? YES! AAH! APPARENTLY, NO ONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THIS YET, PINKY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? MORE LOVELY SCRAP METAL FOR US.
YAY! NARF! NOT JUST SCRAP METAL, BUT WHATEVER UNEARTHLY PAYLOAD AWAITS ONBOARD.
[CRYING] A BABY? WAAH! AW! KOOTCHY, KOOTCHY.
BOING! [LAUGHING] THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE HERE: ADVANCED COMPUTERS, RAY GUNS, A PHASER, SOMETHING! NARF! OH, I LIKE PLAYING WITH THIS LITTLE FELLOW.
HA HA HA! I'M SURE YOU TWO HAVE MUCH IN COMMON.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS CHILD IS NO MORE THAN A YEAR OLD, YET THE NEAREST STAR IS MORE THAN 4 LIGHT YEARS AWAY.
THAT MEANS THIS SHIP IS CAPABLE OF FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL.
I HAVE TO GET THE ENGINE! IF I ATTACH THE WINCH TO THE NOSE CONE AND DRIVE FORWARD AT A 30 DEGREE ANGLE-- BRAIN.
YES, PINKY? ARE SPACESHIPS VERY HEAVY? AS A RULE, YES.
HE'S VERY STRONG THEN, ISN'T HE? AND HE FLIES! PINKY, IMAGINE WHAT WE COULD DO WITH A CHILD WITH THOSE POWERS.
TEACH HIM TO CARRY ON A NEVER-ENDING BATTLE FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY? DON'T BE FOOLISH.
THIS BABY IS OUR TICKET TO GLOBAL DOMINATION.
COME, PINKY, WE'LL STOP FOR SUPPLIES AND THEN HEAD BACK TO THE LAB TO TRAIN HIM.
HA HA! [GIGGLING] PERHAPS WE CAN FIND AN URGENT CARE FACILITY ALONG THE WAY.
[GURGLING] THERE.
BABY'S HAD ENOUGH.
AAH! THAT MAKES TWO OF US.
NOW, FOR OUR POSTPRANDIAL LESSON OH, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, BRAIN, RIGHT AFTER HE'S EATEN AND ALL.
NONSENSE, PINKY.
THERE'S NO BETTER TIME.
STOMACH IS FULL AND THE MIND IS EMPTY.
NOW REPEAT AFTER ME.
WORLD DOMINATION.
WORLD DOMINATION.
WAA-- WOR [BELCH] NO LESSONS AFTER MEALS.
I'LL MAKE A NOTE.
IF WE TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE DYNAMICS OBSERVED SO FAR, WHY, EVERYTHING THIS CHILD DOES WILL BE OF MASSIVE PROPORTIONS.
UM, BRAIN? POIT! HE'S MADE A LITTLE BOO-BOO OF, UM MASSIVE PROPORTIONS.
MOTHER OF MERCY! [GURGLING] WIPE.
POWDER.
SAFETY PIN.
PERHAPS THESE FLASH CARDS FROM THE YOUNG DICTATORS COLLECTION WILL STIMULATE HIS INTEREST.
THIS IS NAPOLEON, A MAN OF SMALL STATURE AND LARGE AMBITIONS.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU PAY ATTENTION.
I ONLY WISH I HAD SOME OF THESE ADVANTAGES WHEN I WAS A CHILD.
OH, LOOK AT THE PRETTY CARD, BABY.
NARF! HA HA HA! BA BA BA BA! OH, WHAT A FUNNY TRICK.
DOESN'T HE DO THE CUTEST THINGS, BRAIN? HE'S ADORABLE, PINKY.
OOF! HEE HEE HEE! IN FACT, HE'S PAINFULLY ADORABLE.
NOW, THE BIG YELLOW GIRAFFE IS THE INTERNATIONAL TRIBUNAL AT THE HAGUE.
THEY SETTLE BORDER DISPUTES.
BRRRR! [GIBBERISH] ISN'T HE CLEVER, BRAIN? HE WILL BE.
NOW, UNDER MY RULE, THEIR FUNCTION WILL BE SUBSUMED BY THE OFFICE OF PRIME MINISTER PINKY.
HEY! HEE HEE HEE! NO! YOU CAN COLOR LATER.
WHOA! AAH! PERHAPS JUDICIAL PROTOCOL IS BETTER TAUGHT WITH PUPPETS.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
COULD YOU, BY CHANCE, POINT ME TOWARDS THE AIRPORT? [BABY CRYING] POIT! OH, I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK, BRAIN.
THE BABY'S BEEN A LITTLE CRANKY LATELY.
[SOFTLY] He's teething.
[BABY YELLS AND CRIES] I TRIED TO ENTERTAIN HIM.
I'VE PLAYED THE SINGING NUN ALBUM IT JUST UPSETS HIM.
I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY KEEP THAT RECORD IN A LAB.
IF YOU MUST TURN TO THE MASS MEDIA, PINKY, AT LEAST TRY SOME OF THE FINE PROGRAMS ON EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION.
LOOK! IT'S EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE BIG ORANGE DINOSAUR BALONEY! TV: HUH HUH HUH! HUH HUH HUH HUH! IT'S A YUM YUM DOODLE DUM * GOSH, OH, GOLLY, DOODLE JOLLY DAY * HUH HUH HUH HUH! AAH! MAYBE HE'D PREFER THE FLYING NUN.
WE'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS WE FIND HIM.
FUEL UP THE ATV.
CHANCES ARE HE'S RETURNED TO THE SHIP, PINKY.
IT'S THE ONLY OTHER PLACE HE KNOWS.
WELL, MAYBE HE LEFT HIS PACIFIER IN THE GLOVE BOX.
[BABY GURGLING] LISTEN, PINKY.
THROUGH THERE.
IT JUST DON'T SEEM RIGHT, A LITTLE BABY OUT HERE ALL BY HISSELF.
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, YOUNG'UN? WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED A CHILD, JONATHAN.
WELL, IF THE SHERIFF CAN'T FIND HIS PARENTS, I SUPPOSE WE COULD TAKE CARE OF HIM.
WE COULD CALL HIM CLARK AND RAISE HIM LIKE HE WAS OUR OWN.
WHAT'LL WE DO, PINKY? THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE THE PROPER SCIENTIFIC EXPERTISE TO RAISE A CHILD.
YOU KNOW, BRAIN, SISTER PATRIA ALWAYS SAYS, "IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, SET THEM FREE.
" REALLY, PINKY? OH, YES.
THEN PERHAPS SHE'S ALSO FAMILIAR WITH THE COROLLARY STATEMENT: IF SOMEONE TRASHES YOUR LAB, KEEPS YOU UP AT NIGHT, CAUSES YOU NOTHING BUT PAIN, AND THEN DESERTS YOU, GOOD RIDDANCE! STILL, I I HOPE THE LITTLE FELLA WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
Pinky: THEY LOOK LIKE NICE PEOPLE, BRAIN.
BYE-BYEDADA.
BRAIN, HE CALLED YOU-- HUSH, PINKY.
WE MUST STEEL OURSELVES AGAINST MAWKISH SENTIMENTALITY AND HEAD BACK TO THE LAB TO PREPARE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHY, BRAIN? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT, MAKE A SCRAPBOOK? YES, PINKY.
AND THEN TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN LEFT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LEFT.
IT'S BENEATH MY DIGNITY.
RIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I PUT UP WITH IT.
A SUPERIOR INTELLECT IS AN APPALLING OBJECT TO SQUANDER.
THIS MAZE WOULDN'T CHALLENGE A DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED SEA CUCUMBER.
YOO-HOO! BRAIN! OH, BRAIN! WHERE ARE YOU? THIS MAZE IS SO CONFUSING! I WONDER IF SEA CUCUMBERS MAKE CREDIBLE SIDEKICKS.
NAH.
OVER HERE, PINKY! POIT! WHERE, BRAIN? ICAN'TFINDYOU! REALLY? AND WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE ME? WELL, BRAIN, IT WAS QUITE A WHILE AGO.
AND WHAT DID I LOOK LIKE? OH, WELL, YOU WERE ABOUT SO TALL WITH BIG EARS AND A LUMPY HEAD AND A KIND OF SCOWLING LOOK ON YOUR FACE.
LIKE THIS? YES! AND NOW YOU'RE WAY OVER THERE SOMEWHERE.
[GASPS] OH, THERE YOU ARE, BRAIN.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
I FOUND THE EXIT.
INDEED? TA-DA! BRILLIANT.
PERHAPS ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND THOSE MARBLES YOU LOST.
OH, I DON'T THINK SO, BRAIN.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THOSE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.
PINKY, REMIND ME TO HURT YOU WHEN WE GET OUT OF HERE.
'KAY.
DAY AFTER DAY, PINKY, WE MUST ENDURE THE SAME MINDLESS RITUAL.
AND FOR WHAT? A WEEKEND IN BRANSON, MISSOURI? NO, PINKY.
A MOLDY PIECE OF CHEESE.
AAH! HMMM THAT NEW JALAPEÑO FLAVOR HAS QUITE A KICK.
OLÉ.
HERE.
HAVE MINE.
MMM! THANK YOU.
AAH! THAT'S ENOUGH FUN FOR NOW.
SOON, OUR CEASELESS TORMENT WILL BE OVER, PINKY.
THE MOMENT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR IS NEARLY UPON US.
THE BANANA SPLITS REUNION TOUR? NO, PINKY, SOMETHING ALMOST AS EXTRAORDINARY.
A HARMONIC CONVERGENCE OF EVERY CELESTIAL BODY IN OUR GALAXY.
INCREDIBLE, BRAIN! STUPENDOUS! UMJUST ONE QUESTION, THOUGH.
YES, PINKY? WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET ALL THOSE HARMONICAS? YOU CAN STOP TRYING TO BREAK THE RECORD FOR ABSOLUTE IDIOCY, PINKY.
THERE ARE NO OTHER CONTENDERS.
I AM THE KING! NARF! THE HARMONIC CONVERGENCE IS A PRECISE ALIGNMENT OF PLANETS AND STARS, WHICH OCCURS BUT ONCE EVERY EGAD! HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT ONE OUT, BRAIN? THE SAME WAY I FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT, PINKY.
A LITTLE WINGED FAIRY TOLD ME.
AW! DID SHE TELL YOU THE ONE ABOUT THE GELATIN MONSTER IN THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE? OH, THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
NOW, THE CONVERGENCE WILL CAUSE A GRAVITATIONAL FLUX THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EARTH, WHICH WILL, IN TURN, TRIGGER AN INNER EAR IMBALANCE IN MANKIND.
THIS WILL RENDER THEM SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE POWER OF SUGGESTION FOR PRECISELY 15 SECONDS.
STOP THAT, PINKY! EW! I'M STRANGELY SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE POWER OF YOUR SUGGESTION.
HA HA! POIT! FORTUNATELY, I AM POISED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS ONCE IN A MILLENNIUM MOMENT OF VULNERABILITY.
I HAVE OBTAINED THIS RARE PROTOTYPE DILITHIUM MATRIX CHIP.
YUMMY! DOES THAT GO WITH ONION DIP? IF IT DID, PINKY, YOUR DIPPY BRAINS WOULD BE THE PERFECT ACCOMPANIMENT.
NO.
IT GOES WITH THIS: THE FIRST SUBSONIC TRANSMITTER, WHICH WILL BROADCAST MY MESSAGE OF TOTAL SUBJUGATION TO THE DISORIENTED MASSES.
THE HARMONIC CONVERGENCE BEGINS AT HIGH NOON, PINKY.
YES! IN PRECISELY 27 MINUTES, I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! Scientist: THIS'LL BE SWELL.
QUICKLY, PINKY.
AT LAST! THE LABYRINTHATRON 4,000 IS READY FOR A TRIAL RUN.
WE JUST NEED TO FIND THAT CONTROLLER CHIP.
THERE IT IS! NO! NOT MY CHIP! PINKY, WE HAVE TO GET IT BACK.
[SNORTS] THIS VIRTUAL REALITY MAZE OUGHT TO STUMP 'EM.
HA HA! ISN'T ITDANGEROUS? OH, GUY, THEY'RE JUST LAB MICE.
WE CAN ALWAYS GET MORE.
OH, GOODY, BRAIN! MORE MOLDY CHEESE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, PINKY? WE ONLY HAVE 26 MINUTES.
THEY'RE ABOUT TO PUT US INTO A NEVER-ENDING MORASS OF SHEER TORTURE FULL OF ROADS LEADING NOWHERE WITH NO LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
DO THEY HAVE FRUIT SALAD? [BOTH GASPING] AAH! AAH! WHERE ARE WE, BRAIN? WE'RE INSIDE THE MAZE.
NATIVE AMERICANS CALL IT MAIZE.
WE CALL IT CORN.
GRRR.
I SHALL IGNORE THAT, PINKY.
'KAY.
NOW, COME.
WE MUST QUICKLY ASCERTAIN THE PROPER PATH.
TO FIND THE MOLDY CHEESE BALLS? NO.
TO FIND THE DILITHIUM MATRIX-- CHIP.
OH, THE GLASS BOX.
NICE ONE, BRAIN.
CAN YOU DO "WALKING IN VERY STRONG WIND"? [IMITATES WIND BLOWING] LOOK! LEANING ON AN INVISIBLE BROOM HANDLE.
ZORT! YES, WITH YOUR INVISIBLE MIND.
WHOA! HOLOGRAPHIC IMAGING.
IMPRESSIVE.
LOOK, BRAIN.
POIT! CHEESE! WE MUST BE AT THE END.
NO! BE NOT TEMPTED, PINKY.
THIS IS NOT CHEESE.
BUT, BRAIN, IT LOOKS SO GOLDEN AND YUMMY.
BE THAT AS IT MAY, IT'S JUST AN ILLUSION DESIGNED TO LURE US INTOA TRAP! OH, WELL, GOOD THING IT ISN'T RHUBARB PIE.
OHHH! RHUBARB PIE! NO, PINKY! IT'S JUST A HOLOGRAM.
PIE! NARF! THE HOLOGRAM WILL DISPLAY WHATEVER YOU DESIRE MOST TO LURE YOU INTO THAT TRAP.
YOU MEAN THE VINNY BARBARINO DOLL I ASKED YOU FOR LAST WEEK? PINKY WHAT DO YOU DESIRE MOST, BRAIN? YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
WHEN DO YOU THINK WE'LL GET TO THE REAL CHEESE, BRAIN? THE IMPORTANT MATTER IS, WHEN WILL WE FIND THE CHIP? OOH, MAYBE THE CHIPS WILL BE RIGHT NEXT TO THE CHEESE, SORT OF AN HORS D'OEUVRES SPREAD.
HA HA HA! MAYBE THEY'LL HAVE A CRUDITÉS OR PIGS IN BLANKET.
AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE LITTLE COCKTAIL WEENIES ON TOOTHPICKS? YOUR INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORS, PINKY.
HA HA HA! DROZ! TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE, PINKY.
WE MUST HURRY.
CURIOUS.
IT SEEMS WE'RE RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED.
OH! JUST LIKE DOROTHY IN THE WIZARD OF-- OZ.
JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
COME, PINKY.
NOW, WAIT.
OOH! MY HEAD IS SPINNING.
IN YOUR OWN CHILDLIKE WAY, PINKY, YOU ARE QUITE CORRECT.
THE ENTIRE CORRIDOR IS REVOLVING.
BY MY CALCULATIONS, THIS IS THE WAY OUT.
EGAD! BRILLIANT, BRAIN! YES, PINKY.
NARF! THE CHEESE AT THE END OF THE MAZE! NO, PINKY.
IF OUR CAPTORS LEARN WE'VE COMPLETED THE MAZE, THEY'LL REMOVE US BEFORE WE CAN RECOVER THE DILITHIUM MATRIX CHIP.
WE MUST CONTINUE OUR EXPEDITION UNSATED.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE BACK AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MAZE.
HA HA HA! I KNOW WHERE TO GO! NO, PINKY! THAT'S THE ROOM WITH THE HOLOGRAM.
IT'S A TRAP! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? TIME IS RUNNING OUT TO FIND THE CHIP! WELL, I KNOW, BRAIN.
THAT'S WHY I WISH WE HAD A MAP.
[GASPS] SOMETIMES YOU ASTOUND ME, PINKY.
AT LAST, PINKY! THERE'S THE CHIP! WHERE'S THE SOUR CREAM AND ONION DIP? ONE MORE HORS D'OEUVRE JOKE, PINKY, AND I SHALL RUN A TOOTHPICK THROUGH YOU.
BUT I'M FEELING A BIT PECKISH.
LUCKILY I BROUGHT ALONG ONE OF THOSE CHEESE BALLS.
PINKY, NO! NOT HERE! AAH! RUN FOR IT, PINKY! AAH! AAH! OOF! OOF! AAH! AAH! [RING] PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? I THINK SO, BRAIN.
BUT HOW WILL WE GET A PAIR OF ABE VIGODA'S PANTS? NO, PINKY.
THE TRANSMITTER IS RUINED.
WE'VE MISSED THE PLANETARY ALIGNMENT, A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OCCURRENCE.
WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE, THEN, WON'T WE? UHH! COME, PINKY.
WE MUST REST UP FOR TOMORROW MORNING.
WHY? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO IN THE MORNING, BRAIN? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY MORNING, PINKY: RUN THAT STUPID MAZE.
THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL