Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e01 Episode Script

Leave It To Beavers

Gee, brain, what do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to take over the world! they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
Bah! I have one enormous problem with evolution.
Do you know what that problem is, pinky? The word ruins many a spelling bee for grade-Schoolers? Worse than that, my cheese-Headed cage mate.
It is a slow process.
Ponderously slow.
Slow as me trying to make a bubble bath Using my tongue on a deodorant bar? Gaah! It makes any slothful idiocy of yours Seem like a knee-Jerk reflex by comparison.
Why, knee-Jerk is my secret middle name.
Poit! Ahh--Uhh! Yes, easy on the knee.
Which is precisely why tonight You will be forced up the evolutionary ladder.
Ooh, i'm going to like watching marcia brady Up close like this, brain.
As i activate this remote control, The cathode ray gun of the picture tube Will fire photons at the television screen, Exciting the radiant particles in the watch dial, Causing a mutating effect on your gene pool.
Ooh! Aah! Tingly, brain.
That tingle means it's working.
You are evolving into a new species, Destined to help me take over the world.
Whoo-Hoo-Hoo! Narf.
[Chattering] Pinky? Pinky?! I'm playing dead fishie In the bottom of the boat.
Hoo ha! No discernable change, then.
I'll cross-Circuit the volume control With the frequency modulator.
Good idea, brain.
I would have dipped it in jelly.
[Chattering] Um, brain, how do you say, "Let go of the little thing I pick and point with" to a beaver? If i could talk to animals, I wouldn't waste time with experiments like this.
[Chattering] Pinky? [Chattering] Narf.
[Chattering] Narf? Oh, my.
I've finally hurt him.
I've scrambled his thought patterns Like so many unfertilized chicken embryos.
[Chattering] [Chattering] so i said, If you don't like licorice, Why squeeze the cat? Pinky, give the amphibious rodent Another witty verbal pearl.
Say what? Talk beaver.
Umhave you heard the one About the beautiful lab assistant? [Chattering] Va-Va-Va-Voom-- [Chattering] [Laughing and chattering] This remote activates some facility in you For interspecies communication.
[Chattering] What? I can also talk to beavers.
Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering? I think so, brain, But isn't a cucumber that small called a gherkin? Undoubtedly, pinky.
But that is a question for another evening.
With your new skill, The entire beaver population can be at my command.
We'll dam the rivers, Control the waterways, and flood the cities! And always have something damp and musky to scratch.
A veritable dream come true.
Will he go along with our plan? [Chattering] [Chattering] On one condition.
Should've known there'd be a price.
[Chattering] He wants bubblegum.
Our target is the small town Of la vista del arroyo odioso.
We will build the dam here.
If the town acquiesces to my demands, We'll repeat the same process all over the world.
[Chattering] [Both beavers chattering] On one condition, brain.
They want shiny things.
But i gave them gum.
Well, that was for the clan that lives by the big oak.
There are only 5 of them.
You'll need the clan that chatters when they scratch.
This is their leader, wigglenose thump thump thump.
How quaint.
And they want shiny things.
Oh, yes, brain.
Anything they can wash and then look at the sparkles.
[Chattering] Deal.
But no more gum.
[Beavers chattering] Pinky, what's going on? The dam isn't half-Built.
[Chattering] [Chattering] Oh, he says the clan that lives by the big oak Wants to build the shiny things into the dam, But, um, let me see-- Poit! The clan that chatters when they scratch has given the shiny things To the clan that burrows when they eat, In exchange for some wet leaves.
[Chatters] [Chatters] He suggests big shoes.
Run that by me again.
Well, the beavers are all very envious Of the lovely hollow things that men wear on their feet.
Big shoes would make them all very happy.
What are you looking for, brain? The mute button.
[Beavers chattering] I trust all our labor problems Have been resolved, pinky? Yes, brain.
Ahh! And doesn't the dam look lovely With all the gum and shiny things in it? Quite picturesque.
[Sighs] they truly are a race Of gifted crafts-Rodents.
And by now, their handiwork will have brought us To the precipice of victory.
Wish me luck, pinky.
I am going to make our demands To the people of la vista del arroyo odioso.
Chile rellenos! Citizens ofla vista del arroyo odioso, I am the brain.
Bow down before me.
Look! A talking shoe! I am not a shoe.
I am a genetically altered laboratory mouse Who is about to flood your fair city.
Cool! Grant me total control, Or none but fish shall walk your streets.
Well, the joke's on you, shorty.
After the flood of '48, We put in those drainage slues.
Your evil scheme will come to no good! [Sighs] you haven't heard the last of me.
I shall return! Victory is at hand, pinky.
We need only get the beavers To dam up the drainage slues.
Oh, i don't know, brain.
Poit! The beaver who asks questions of the universe Says this is not a propitious time for dam-Building.
[Muffled chattering] Tell him the mouse who clobbers When he is angry Says he is full of foolish superstition.
We must act quickly if we are to-- Pinky, where is the remote? I don't know, brain.
Poit! You had it last.
Well, i left it right here.
Did you look under the sofa cushions? We're outside.
There is no sofa.
Well, there you are, then.
What does it look like, brain? You know.
It's a remote.
It's sort of black and shiny and-- Oh, no.
They put it in the dam! I've got to get it out.
Yuck! Agh.
[Grunting] Ooh! Aah! Aah! I have revised my opinion of evolution, pinky.
It works fast enough.
Some creatures are just not meant To join civilized society.
Let us head inside and prepare for tomorrow night.
Um[chattering] Why, the same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to take over the world! [Beavers humming pinky and the brain theme song] It's coming right for us! Aah! Aah! Aah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I love it when they do that.
This new invention of yours is really neat, mr.
Edison! If you think that's something, Just wait till you see my new electric horseshoe machine.
Ha ha.
Pinky, we are witnessing the birth Of a powerful new art form.
[Gasps] Is it decoupage? Narf! I love decoupage! No, pinky.
Motion pictures.
Today it's simply a novelty.
Like most infant technologies, It will take a genius of vision To realize its full potential.
Do you know who that visionary is, pinky? Hmm.
Clarence bertie? [Gasps] I am that visionary, pinky.
Oh, right.
How silly of me.
Troz! Behold the future, my friend.
Watch as the drawings come to life.
Poit! It's you, brain.
And you're so strong! Yes! Precisely the image i intend to project, As filmdom's first Dashing, charismatic star.
We shall make motion pictures that tell of courage, Of heroism, of a certain rodent Destined to rule the world.
Naaarf! Because human beings are incapable Of distinguishing between reality And the filmed image, They will embrace me as a great leader.
Oh, i hope they embrace me, too! Group hug! Hoo ha ha! Come.
We must set the reels of our plan into motion.
Action, pinky.
[Dramatic music] [Villainous laugh] Bear witness as i demonstrate My dramatic prowess, pinky.
Zort! The train is coming! Aah, oomph! [Gasps] i'll save you, brain! Brain: no, pinky.
Cut! Waah! Huh.
[Thud] Both: aaaaah! Waah.
Both: whooooa! Ow! As soon as i can manage to unscramble my brains, I intend to whisk you, pinky.
Pinky, how's the editing coming? Snip, snip! All the bad stuff is gone, Just like you asked.
Aah! Not another bathing beauty picture! That's enough.
Turn it off! I gotta find a new gimmick.
Something exciting, Fresh! Hmm.
Maybe bathing beauties on a roller coaster! [Knock on door] Brain: ahem.
I don't need anymore short subjects! If you'll pardon me, sir, This reel contains nothing less Than a giant leap forward In the creation of cinema As a medium of artistic expression.
Who cares? It also has a damsel in distress Who almost gets squished by a really big train! Ah, now, that sounds more like it! What is this? Is this for real? You guys can't be serious! Mr.
Slug: ha ha ha ha ha.
You're not serious.
This is hilarious! Ha ha ha ha ha! A ha ha ha ha ha! Pinky, i thought you said you cut the bad footage out! I did, brain.
Your acting was terrible! Mr.
Slug: wha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ah, pinky and the brain! A comedy team! Iiii love it! [Laughter] [Laughter continues] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Cheering] I am pleased that i am the first To be immortalized here at grauman's chinese theater.
It is a great honor.
And it's squishy, too! [Laughter] Hee! Uhh! Oh.
I'm sorry.
Norma talmadge! Who cares about a couple of clowns Like pinky and the brain, When we can have the footprints Of a great star like you? Comedy is humiliating, pinky.
Narf! Isn't it wonderful! Ha ha ha! Only as the means to an end.
It is time to proceed With the second phase of my film career.
This time, can i be best boy? Gaah! Mr.
Slug: quit? What do you mean, quit? You're a big star, boy! People all over the world are laughin' at ya! Not for long.
I'm going to redefine my image By starring in a sweeping dramatic epic.
A story of courage, of heroism of a funny little rodent With a great big fat lumpy head! Ha ha! I love it when you do that! Come, pinky.
But you can't leave me! I'll be ruined! Ruined! Oh, now what am i gonna do?! Excuse me, mr.
Could my son audition for you? Madame, please remove your brat From the doorway.
Narf! He's a cute little rascal.
Ah, little rascal? Hmm.
The sweet flavor of victory Is almost ours, pinky.
Can you taste it? Um, not really, brain.
I've got licorice stuck in me teeth.
[Laughter] They're still laughing, brain.
Soon they'll forget That i was ever an object of ridicule.
[Laughter] Is this supposed to be funny? When's he gonna get squished? Behold, pinky.
They laugh no longer.
[Snoring] Kid: mommy! Man: i'm going home to do something exciting.
Second man: yeah, like clip my toenails.
[Murmuring and grumbling] [Yawn] How long until the movie's over, brain? It's been The film's only half done.
Projectionist: ok.
Show's over.
Wait! You can't stop the movie now.
I just did.
But this is my big scene.
I'm driving the snakes out of egypt! Oh, yeah? You're driving the audience Out of the theater! It's true.
My career is over.
Oh, cheer up, brain.
You can always make a comeback.
Look at what happened to kaiser wilhelm.
Don't try to cheer me With your tales of teutonic triumph, pinky.
It's clear that no mouse Is ever going to make a lasting Impression on the silver screen.
Hmm I'm ready for my closeup, mr.
Yaah! Oh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oww! What did you say, brain? Umi said we'd better go back to the lab To prepare for tomorrow night.
Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night? The same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to take over the world! [Applause] warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.