Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e17 Episode Script

A Pinky And The Brain Halloween

Gee, brain, What do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky, Try to take over the world.
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
Kid: trick or treat! Trick or treat! Smell my feet! [Children laughing] I got a candy bar.
I got an apple.
I got a bowl of soup.
Brain: this is a message from the jack-O-Lantronic broadcasting system.
Children of earth, i hope you're having a pleasant halloween.
You are now my unwitting puppets In an intricate scheme of world domination.
For i am the brain.
You will do whatever i say.
We will do whatever you say.
Pinky: flap your arms.
Hop up and down.
Narf! Oh, and lick your toes.
Cease! You are interfering with my message of subjugation.
Every word you utter is being beamed out Over my jack-O-Lantronic broadcasting system Through pumpkins everywhere.
Even that big furry pumpkin That's always pacing around our cage? Oh, wait.
That's not a pumpkin.
That's your head.
Troz! Sorry.
Have some more sugar.
[Murmuring] No.
Pinky, you got chocolate On my jack-O-Lantronic transmitter.
You got jack-O-Lantronic transmitter on my chocolate.
Yummy.
Zort! Unh.
Unh.
Oh, it's ruined.
Why do i even bother getting up in the morning? To prevent bed sores? It's all your fault.
Pinky, you're a nincompoop.
You're-- You're feckless.
You're completely nugatory.
Mmm.
Nougat.
Just what do i have to do To take over the world? I've tried everything Short of selling my soul.
[Thunder] Come, pinky.
We must prepare for tomorrow night.
Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night, brain? The same thing you did last night And the night before that And the night before that And the night before that and the night before that.
[Yawns] And you'll fail, Just like you do Every night of your puny lives.
Egad! That man knows everything about you, brain.
He's just been eavesdropping, pinky.
He doesn't know the first thing about me.
I know about the time You decided to chuck it all In order to train For rhythmic gymnastics.
Poit! And they wouldn't let you compete Because of the height requirement.
Oh, why don't you just pour salt On my festering wound? You see, brain, I make it my business To know everything about everyone, Except for charles grodin.
Brrrrr.
Allow me to introduce myself.
What do you want from me? Why, i want the same thing you want, brain-- I want you to take over the world! How did he do that, brain? Uh, mirrors or wires.
Any idiot can do it.
No, i can't.
Imagine, brain the whole world can be yours With just a snap of my fingers.
Oh, oh, oh! Does it come with a set of ginsu knives And one of those little whatchamawhozits You can make radish roses with? Zort! Don't encourage him, pinky.
It's obvious we're dealing with a dangerous lunatic.
Very well.
As a special introductory offer, I'll give you one trial wish With no obligation to buy.
Right, then.
I want one of those neat little whatchamawhozits You can make radish roses with.
Ahh.
Now my life is complete.
Hey, this isn't a radish rose whatchamawhozits.
It's a melon ball whirlybob.
Huh! He's trying to lay A fast thingamajigger on me, brain.
Brain? I'm right here, pinky.
Egad, brain.
I think you're getting too much iron in your diet.
Something tells me this fellow is not Just your average children's birthday party magician, pinky.
Now, brain, you've seen what i can do.
Just sign this contract, And you'll have no more late nights Toiling to devise elaborate schemes.
Y-Y-Yes! No one will ever again call you a failure.
And all i ask in exchange is your soul.
Wait a minute.
What? You have a problem with the terms of the contract? No.
I have a problem with being called a failure! I don't need your help.
I can take over the world on my own! I haven't seen brain this upset since just a few seconds ago.
Well, pinky, perhaps you could persuade brain To change his mind.
Ha! I can't even persuade brain To change the newspaper on the bottom of our cage.
Yes, yes, he is stubborn.
But perhaps there is another way.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
Take over the world With just a snap of his fingers.
Ha! I am so sure.
Brain, do you really think He can do all the things he says? Oh, yes, pinky.
And i can take this magic wand, wave it, And a-La-Kazaam, the world is mine.
People: hail brain.
Hail brain.
Hail brain.
Hail brain.
Hail brain i must be seeing things.
You're seeing your new life.
Since you are now ruler of the world, I'll have to claim what i'm owed According to this contract.
I didn't sign your contract.
I know you didn't, brain.
Your gullible little friend did.
Pinky? Allow my legal analysts to explain.
Here are perky commentator greta von bluster And folksy country lawyer jerry spensive.
The party of the first part Has clearly assumed all rights Relinquished by the party of the second part For the benefit of the party of the third part.
Back where i practiced law, We used to say this was like closing the barn door After you put britches on the cow.
[Laughs] i love lawyers! [Sobs] troz! He said you could have the world, And all i had to do was give him my soul.
You said i was a speckless nougat, anyway.
It seemed like such a bargain.
Pinky, what have you done? Is that a trick question? He's made you king of the world! [Cheering] [Gasps] All for me? Gee.
Thanks.
"Gee, thanks.
Gee, thanks.
" Come on! It's time to go.
Say good-Bye, pinky.
Good-Bye, pinky.
Ok.
Uh, bye.
Am i terribly wrong here? Hail brain.
Hail brain.
Hail brain nah.
Hail brain.
People: hail brain.
Hail brain.
Hail, brain.
Hail brain.
Hail brain.
Hail brain we love you, brain.
Hail, brain.
Hail, brain.
Hail, brain.
It's everything i ever wanted.
Narf! Poit! Oh, look! I'm an idiot.
Ha ha ha.
Ow, that hurt.
Ha ha ha.
I mean, do it again, brain.
You can stop trying to act like pinky, snowball.
I'm not sharing my kingdom with some power-Mad hamster.
Oh, you miss your little friend, do you? No.
I don't miss him at all.
I have the world, don't i? Whee! Hey, what are you doing? That--That's pinky's wheel.
Aha! You do miss pinky.
No.
I miss the food pellets.
I don't know where pinky kept them.
Then, brain, why don't you go to hades? What? Uh, to ask pinky Where the food pellets are.
That's it.
Snowball, are you pondering what i'm pondering? Oh, brain, i certainly hope so.
Oh, wait.
No.
No.
How am i going to get to hades without selling my soul? There is a way, brain.
Oh, i know people in low places.
I could tell you where to go.
What are you talking about? I just happen to have a map.
Oh, you better hurry.
The entrance to hades closes at 5:00.
The department of motor vehicles? This map can't be right.
Well, what do you know? How convenient.
[Pinky laughs hysterically] Narf! Ha ha.
Zort! Ha ha ha.
You know, you're not supposed to laugh.
Ha ha.
Oh, but i can't help meself.
This is more fun than the coat-Me- In-Peanut-Butter- And-Shove-Me-In the-Anthill game.
Narf! Ha ha ha.
Narf! Narf! Narf! Ha ha ha ha.
Oy! Stop saying narf.
I hate narf! Oh, i made it.
Thank goodness.
If i had to stand in one more line, I think i would've--Aah! Welcome to hades.
Next.
Ahem.
And you are uh, the brain.
I'm sorry.
You're not in the database.
Uh, perhaps you have me under my other name-- Rush limbaugh.
Say, you look much bigger on tv.
Well, that last wheatgrass and jicama fast Nearly did me in.
Golly, i guess it did.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hmmlamarche, leno, limburger.
No, limbaugh isn't in here, either.
Aw, it must be an oversight.
Welcome to hades.
Yes! What am i celebrating? I'm in h--Aah! [Screaming] Had enough? No! Again! Oh, i don't mind telling you, You certainly know how to spoil a guest.
I mean, that sauna with the really hot rocks Was to die for! That was a barbecue.
Isn't there any torture you don't like? The only real torture Is being away from my best friend.
Pinky! Brain! Yes! I have traversed the bowels of the infernal regions And survived-- I suppose you've come To rescue your little friend? Oh, brain, you need me.
Unh.
Unh.
I do not.
I just need to know where you keep the, uhfood pellets.
Oh.
Poit! Well, um they're in that box marked, um food pellets.
Oh.
Well i don't know where that is, so, uh i guess you'll just have to come and show me.
All right, get a move on.
Time's a-Wasting, pinky.
Let's go.
Nice try.
But if you want pinky back there's only one way.
You'll have to win him back in a challenge.
And i warn you-- There's nothing i can't do.
A challenge? Yes.
All right.
I challenge you to a round of rhythmic gymnastics.
If i win, i get pinky, Um, so he can show me where the food pellets are.
Ha! How do you like them apples? Very well.
Rhythmic gymnastics it is.
Who do you think invented that infernal sport? Poit! There.
Now it's official.
If you win, we'll tear up the original contract.
You'll get pinky back, But you'll forfeit the world.
Oh, brain! You're sacrificing the world for me? No, i'm not.
After we get out of here, I'll take over the world on my own.
Perhaps you haven't read the fine print.
If you win, you get pinky back, But you can never try To take over the world again.
Never? I can't even try? But i don't have any other skills.
Perhaps my legal analysts should explain it.
The contract has a covenant not to compete, Which restricts the party of the second part From any future expression Of world-Domination ambitions.
Back where i practiced law, We used to say that's like taking the cow's britches And putting them in the henhouse.
I love lawyers! Think of it, brain-- You can walk away now and rule the world, Or you can risk it all and try to get pinky back.
What will it be? I'll, uhuh demon: save pinky.
Second demon: no, take the world.
Third demon: go for the cash! Fourth demon: come on! [Audience chatter] Fifth demon: pinky! I'll, uh i'll go for the gusto.
I'll try to save pinky.
Oh, brain! My hero.
So he can show me where the food pellets are.
It's show time.
John tesh here, Coming to you from mile-Down stadium, Where the greatest rhythmic gymnastics Grudge match of all time is about to take place.
And here comes our first competitor, The brain.
[Crowd boos and hisses] Brain will be performing To the haunting love theme from charles grodin.
[Yawns] [Cheering] Yay, brain! [Whistles] Whoo-Whoo.
A perfect 10.
Let's see him beat that.
[Crowd murmurs] A remarkable routine.
He stuck the landing.
Artistry and emotion Blended in such a seamless, creamy texture.
Bravo.
Bravo, i say.
An 11? Why, that's impossible.
You should know by now, brain, Nothing's impossible for me.
Cheater! If you review the contract, You'll see that it provides There be a competition.
It doesn't say anything About a fair competition.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe pinky and i have a date With some interesting new tortures.
Well, pinky, i i guess i won't see you for a while, That is, anytime soon.
In fact, well, gosh never again, huh? Enough warmth.
Let's go, pinky.
Oh, don't be sad, brain.
I'm sure you'll find those food pellets one day.
Yeah, the food pellets.
That's all i really wanted.
Well, you have a nice time being tortured for all eternity, ok? [Sobs] i will, brain.
Zort! At least i'll have my radish rose whatchamawhozits That mr.
Itch promised me to keep me company.
I promised you what? Well, in my original contract, You said if i gave you my soul, You'd give me a radish rose whatchamawhozits.
Oh, of course.
Um here you are.
This isn't a radish rose whatchamawhozits.
It's a happy face and dried apple dingerswitchy.
Nope.
This is an orange juice-R-Ator.
Do you know what? I'm beginning to think That you don't even know What a radish rose whatchamawhozits is.
Of course i do! It's a little thingy, you know, In a round part and a serrated doohickey In the other up and down.
I don't think he does know what it is.
Pinky, do you know what this means? Mm-Hmm.
He'll never be able To impress his friends at dinner parties With lovely radish rose garnishes.
Yes, pinky, But it means that the whole deal is off! I have to agree with the party of the second part.
Clearly there's been a violation Of the original provisions, Rendering the contract null and void.
Back where i used practice law, We always said, "cowboy, you better hang up your britches And put the cow back in the pigsty.
" [Gasps] No! I hate lawyers! Come, pinky.
Quickly.
Rrrr! Aah! Aah! Pinky and brain: aah! Oof! Oof! Oof! Oof! There.
Now everything is mine.
All mine! Uh-Oh.
Hiya, snowball.
We're back.
What? You? It can't be.
I'll speak to that devil.
Promises were made.
I'll bet he doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hades.
Are you coming, pinky? We have to prepare for tomorrow night.
Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night? [Gasps] get a radish rose whatchamawhozits? Well, perhaps.
And afterwards, We can do the same thing we do every night-- Try to take over the world! Without supernatural assistance.
Demons: * they're dinky, they're pinky and brain * narf! Zort! Troz! Poit! Mr.
Itch: stop that! warner bros.
Captioned by the national -- Www.
Ncicap.
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