Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e33 Episode Script

The Pinky P.O.V.

Gee, brain, What do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky-- Try to take over the world.
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
too-Ra-La la-La la-La-La la la-La la-La Pinky, will you stop that? Narf! Of course, brain.
Eventually i'll have to stop it.
I mean, i'll have to sleep, eat, and go to the bath-- I meant, will you stop that now? la-La-La-La-- Oh, i guess i will.
[Laughs.]
I need your help, pinky.
You do, brain? Narf! I'm touched.
Yes, pinky.
Now hold these high-Tension wires And remember not to put the 2 ends together.
Because if you do, Blah blah blah blah blah, Big word, blabbedy blah blah blah.
Ooh! It's so sparkly.
Pinky, are you paying attention? I'm hanging on your every word, brain, Except the part about these 2 wire thingies.
Give me those.
Here, brain.
Yah! Brain? Brain? Yoo-Hoo! Where is he? Ah! He really should clean up after himself.
Oh, well.
[Humming.]
Zort! Ha ha! [Echoing.]
pinky? Open the trash can.
Thank you.
Brain.
That was amazing.
How did you do it? I was helped by a moronic blabbedy big word Blah blah real big word Something or other blah.
Well, that was nice of him.
You know, it's hard to find a friendly, um what you said.
Not hard enough.
Uhh! Unh! All fall down.
Ha ha ha! Narf.
[Humming.]
Ha ha ha ha! There.
I'm almost ready To implement my latest plan.
Latest plan for what, brain? What have i been doing every night Since you've known me? Um snoring and making a funny whistling sound through your nose? No.
Planning to take over the-- I snore? Poit! That's a lovely wallpaper pattern, brain.
This, pinky, is my latest plan For world domination.
Oh, i get it.
Tic-Tac-Toe! I win, brain! No, pinky.
This is no simple child's game.
It's the formula for--Wait.
X to the third power over omega.
That's it! Brilliant, pinky.
Now let's play pin the tail on the-- Don't overdo a good thing, pinky.
With this formula perfected, I will be able to attach the electrodes To the blah blah blah blah [thinking.]
look at brain.
He really does have a large brain.
All we have to do is blah blah blah maybe that's why he has such a large head.
We'll sneak past the guards hippopotamuses have large heads.
It must be very difficult for them to buy party hats, Not to mention their, um narf! Unmentionables.
And i can't even begin to imagine What a large pachyderm would wear at the beach.
Zort! Well, perhaps i can.
Bravo, brain.
I always knew you were going to be big someday.
Be big? Hmm.
Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering? I think so, brain, But what if the hippopotamus won't wear the beach thong? A mystery worthy of elsa klench, pinky.
Unfortunately, there's no time to unravel it, For we are off to the sunny climes Of seattle, washington.
Ok.
I'll pack my beach thong.
There, brain.
I thought i saw the sun for just a moment.
No, pinky.
That was merely a yellowish cloud.
Apparently, there is no sun in seattle only depressing grunge.
Narf! It's enough to make you want To spend your time in a garage, Thrashing away on a large electronic instrument While consuming mass quantities of caffeine.
Yes, pinky.
That's it.
We will disguise ourselves as grunge-Rock musicians, Take the elevator Up to the top of the space needle, And plug our amplifiers into the lightning rod.
Well, why would we want to do that? The plan, pinky.
Always the plan.
Oh, right, the plan.
What was it again? All right.
I'll tell you one more time.
Step one: we-- Watch out for that puddle.
What puddle, brain? Whah! [Gurgling.]
That puddle, pinky.
Narf! I thought so.
It's a stunning ensemble, Don't you think, brain? I told you before.
Call me "man," And i shall call you "dude.
" Right, brain.
Um, i mean, man.
But are you sure that's how grunge rockers talk? I'm not even sure if they talk.
What do you two want? We are the groovy rock-And-Roll combo Frog the dry widget.
We are putting on a hootenanny In the space needle, dude.
Yes, brain? I--I mean, man? I wasn't rapping with you, dude.
Oops.
Sorry.
Narf! Cool! I listen to you guys all the time On the oldies station, man.
Go right up.
Pay attention, dude.
Now, remember, Connect the output blabbedy blab thingy To the input blah, blah, blah, And whatever you do, don't turn the volume down.
Why, eh, man? It's technical.
I'll tell you when to hit the switch, And then once everyone's pants have turned to gelatin, The world will be mine! Pants? Narf! I never would have guessed.
Um, does that include culottes? Brain: probably.
You are brilliant, brain.
I--I mean, dude.
Or is it man? Chill, pinky.
Emcee: and now, here in a surprise appearance, That great garage band, Frog the dry widget, man! [Music playing.]
Pinky! [Speech drowned out.]
What, brain?! Er, man?! Uh, dude?! [Speech drowned out.]
Wait! I can't hear you! I'll turn down the volume! Pinky, no! [Both screaming.]
[Muffled groan.]
I've failed again, pinky.
I don't know what you see in me.
You'd be surprised, brain.
Come, pinky.
We must return to the lab And prepare for tomorrow night.
Why, brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night? The same thing we do every night, pinky.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! they're dinky they're pinky and the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Brain: it's maddening.
If the world only knew the lengths to which i have gone To help achieve its destiny, Humanity would acknowledge me As its rightful leader.
Instead, i'm forced into a series of schemes and stratagems Which are, at best, undignified And, at worst, painful.
Rather than have their open acceptance and adulation, I am forced to dupe the masses into submission.
Yes! They don't believe that i, a lab mouse, The lowliest and most reviled of earth's creatures, Will one day rule the world! Whoo loo loo loo loo! Hoo ha ha! Narf! Well, the second lowliest.
Pinky, do you realize That the simplest approach to world domination Has been right in front of me all along? A bunsen burner? No, pinky.
I must-- Pinky, how did you know what that is? Well, i'm not stupid, brain.
Everyone knows that you just put your old used bunsens in there, And it burns them all up into a little pile of ashes, ashes, we all fall down Zort! Ok.
Sorry i asked.
Pinky, let me communicate my mission to the world In terms even you can understand.
noriega, genghis khan saddam hussein and me, the brain we all have this one thing in common we are into world domination it's a new sensation try it, and you'll feel elation it's the gift to give the guy who wants everything military takeovers governmental makeovers coup d'etat, let me confide it keeps your junta occupied look here at this dotted line as overlord i could combine and make this all one sovereign state oh, overlord, you are so great i'll sew up this divided planet my regime will surely span it yummy! Spam! Oh, will you can it? no, pinky, you will i'll learn the language if i must you will gain the people's trust i'll let them join my coterie and you can buy their loyalty there are several formulae i like to use for domination and to get the maximum effect out of a helpless nation crab meat or magnetic shoes mind-Controlling pink tutus or a giant signal tower to telecast my mental power think big, not small dominoes will start to fall and then i can be the mouse who conquers man so if you have a calculator you can be a great dictator let each country that you covet equal "x" you're gonna love it multiply by why not try it if the people start to riot you can always say that they are just a bunch of kooks people just need to be led by a mouse with a big head to their weakness they'll succumb if you give them chewing gum it may bother them a bit but they'll soon get over it they won't mind when i'm the czar Both: * of all that we see near and far * Whah! Narf! Pinky: well, i think that went rather well.
Don't you, brain? [Whack.]
[Pinky laughs.]
Brain: now it's perfect.
Narf! Brain: no, no.
Those mouse-Alopes aren't real, you fools.
A broadway musical of the titanic.
Ha! No.
No, joyce dewitt? You can't be serious.
Papier-Mache? No! Stupid! Stupid! Brain.
Stupid! What? What is it? You were having a bad dream.
Yes.
Oh, it was horrible, pinky.
I was dreaming that i was a mouse bent on global domination, And all my plans were humiliating failures.
Ha! That's ridiculous! That's absurd! That's-- Oh, wait.
That's true.
Narf! Yes, always.
But in my rem-State ruminations, I have come to a profound revelation.
Ooh! Pretty words all sparkly.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Please focus, pinky.
Pretty please.
You see, i have discovered that there is one thing That all my plans have in common.
You mean maury povich? Besides him.
I'm drawing a blank.
[Humming.]
See? Ow, my head.
The common thread in all of my failed schemes is human stupidity.
People are just too stupid to accept me as their leader.
Narf! It's too bad you can't make people smarter.
That's brilliant.
Huh! It is? Absolutely.
Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering? Hoo.
Oh, i'd say the odds of that are terribly slim, brain.
True.
I mean, really, when have i ever been pondering What you've been pondering? To my knowledge, never.
Exactly.
So what are the chances That this time i'm pondering what you're pondering? Next to nil.
Well, that's exactly what i'm thinking, too.
Therefore, you are pondering what i'm pondering.
Poit.
I guess i am.
And do you know what else i'm pondering, my friend? I think i do, brain.
We are going to make everyone on earth smart, Smart enough to accept me as their leader! Oh! That's exactly what i was pondering.
Really? Yes! Um, no.
Actually, i was thinking of serving corrugated cardboard For thanksgiving dinner.
Nummy.
Ha ha ha ha! Eh, not even close, was i? Double ow.
Do you know what this is, pinky? The talent of the spice girls in liquid form? Close.
This is an extract of the medulla stem piney nut.
When combined with these other ingredients and then consumed, It can quadruple one's i.
Q.
Narf! Narf, indeed.
Now all i need is an unintelligent subject to test it on.
Um, maury povich? I gave maury the day off.
Here, pinky.
Drink this.
Hee! [Cultured accent.]
oh, my.
What an interesting taste sensation, my dear brain.
Say what? The extract has triggered An autonomic salivary response.
Quite unusual from a biophysical perspective, eh, what? [Hiccups.]
It works.
Yes! Now nothing can stop us From taking over the world! Egad, brain.
To take over the world, all you need to do is-- Is--Is yes? Yes? [Normal voice.]
let the balloon people free! Hoo hoo ha ha ha! Apparently, the effect is temporary at this low dosage.
I'll increase the medulla stem piney nut In the next batch.
Then we'll free the balloon people! Hooray! Yes, pinky.
That will be our first proclamation Once the world is ours.
Super troz! Pinky: you know, brain, Now that we have the recipe to make people smart, How will we get them to eat it? How do you get anyone to eat anything, pinky? Put it on top of a pizza.
Voila! "Wolfgang brain's pizzas of the world.
" Zort! Oh, great idea, brain.
And i already have the advertising campaign figured out.
Buon giorno.
[Italian accent.]
wolfgang brain here, And i-Ah have for you a pizza that will change-Ah the world.
And i-Ah mean that quite literally.
Then we shall mass-Produce the small microwavable pizzas And sell them for exorbitant prices at trendy supermarkets.
But what if sales are sluggish? Simple.
We shall seek celebrity endorsements for our product.
The masses want whatever celebrities want.
To that end, i shall open a trendy, celebrity-Friendly theme restaurant-- Brain: planet brain.
But, brain, where are we going to get the money To open a restaurant? From our celebrity partners, of course.
Do we-Ah have a deal-Ah, partners? Ja.
Yo.
Yippie-Ki-Oh-Ki-Ay! Yes! Yo-De-Lay-He-Hoo! Hoo hoo ha ha hoo! Hello, everybody.
I'm midtown junie green, In hollywood at the spectacular opening of planet brain.
I'm here to get the inside dish.
Get it? Dish! [Junie laughs.]
I don't get it, brain.
Consider yourself fortunate, pinky.
But just look at all these celebrities.
They've embraced planet brain as their own.
Success will soon be ours.
Wow! There's movie superstar bryce wallace onstage Serenading the standing-Room-Only crowd At the show-Biz event of the moment.
oh, yeah well, all right, now, baby oh, yeah, yeah, yeah oh, baby oh, baby oh, yeah, oh, baby, baby, now baby, yeah, yeah, yeah oh, baby Triple ow.
[Oven dings.]
The pizzas are ready, pinky.
Let's serve 'em up hot, Then take over the world! They finished eating, brain.
Yes, And their i.
Q.
S have more than quadrupled.
It is time for me to go take my place As their rightful leader.
And along the way, brain, Could you take this order to table 23? They wanted extra crispy.
From now on, pinky, i don't take orders.
I give them.
da-- huh?! Testing.
1, 2 hey, look.
Who's that? The chef.
Shh.
Greetings.
You have all just had your intelligence Elevated to levels never dreamed of In the history of humanity.
For this, you may thank me, the brain, The world's greatest genius.
And by now, something has surely become Painfully obvious to all of you.
That guy should never be allowed to sing in public.
Man: he's right.
Woman: oh, my god.
He's right.
Get him off! [Crowd yelling.]
Get off the stage! Did you hear that, pinky? These people are smarter already.
Actually, my friends, What has become so obvious to all of you is that-- You're a mouse.
Well, yes, that's true.
A mouse! Disgusting! No! You see-- Ew! Vermin! [Crowd murmuring.]
It's obvious that-- Yo! Unsanitary! I should be your leader! Call the exterminator! I demand full remuneration! Brain: yah! [Crowd yelling.]
[Brain sighs.]
I guess we used too much medulla stem piney nut.
Our pizzas made the people too smart.
True, brain, But are you pondering what i'm pondering? I think so, pinky.
It's time to return to the lab So we can plan for tomorrow night.
Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night? The same thing we do every night, pinky-- Try to take over the world! Oh, right.
Is that what you were pondering? Mmm, no.
I was pondering that it's time to set the balloon people free! Whoo ha ha ha! Aah! [Laughing.]
[screaming.]
Brain: quadruple ow.
Ooh! A new record, brain.
Congratulations! Zort! Ha ha ha ha-- [Whack.]
uhh! oh, baby, ooh, yeah well, all right, oh, baby, baby, yeah yeah, they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain, brain oh, yeah [Laughs.]
warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org
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