Polyamory: Married And Dating (2012) s01e06 Episode Script

1 your love is like a river flowing through my veins your love is the fever I can't get enough I'm on fire we're on fire our love's too much for just one heart to take All right, Ness, we're leaving.
Oh, come on, you can't wait ten minutes for me to buy a flight? You can't put down the computer for one second - and come? - Okay.
All right, all right.
We have to follow my parents' schedule.
All right, all right.
We're on our way up to Los Gatos because my parents are selling my childhood home.
While we're up there, we're gonna come out to Lindsey's family, and we're gonna tell my parents about the engagement.
Sorry we don't get to drive with you.
Yeah.
It's absolutely essential to me that Vanessa be there when I come out to my mom, and that she's there when we announce our engagement to Anthony's parents.
I would not do it without her.
Let us know-- text me when you get a flight.
- Okay.
- Thank you for coming.
Yeah.
I'm pretty surprised about how quickly Anthony and Lindsey want to move on coming out and telling people that we're engaged.
It's really wonderful.
It's just the timing is horrible for me with school because I'm in finals, but we all agree that I should just get a plane ticket and meet them tonight.
Imagine what your parents are going through.
Imagine what they're gonna think when we tell 'em we're engaged.
it's a whole 'nother level when you say something like this.
Like, we're making a life commitment.
When we tell my parents that we're engaged, it'll be the moment of truth where we find out, are they the type of people who only liked it because they thought it was a phase? We should call my mom.
Oh, man, I just want it to be over with.
It is gonna be tough, but I'm glad.
It's gonna be such a relief when it's over.
My mom has known about Vanessa, but she's thought of her as my best friend.
I have some nervousness about what her reaction's gonna be.
I'm about to come out not only as being polyamorous, but as engaged to another woman.
- Hi.
- Hi, mom.
Well, I just wanted to tell you Anthony and I are on our way up north right now.
Yeah, because, you know, his parents are selling their house, and We're only gonna be up there for a couple days, but I wanted to set up a time to see you while we're there.
Anthony's gonna be with me, and then, is it cool if I bring Vanessa too? - Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- Ciao.
I love you, sweetheart.
Ciao.
Bye.
You've never asked if it's okay with her before if Vanessa comes to anything.
- I know.
- You just brought her.
- It's awkward.
I don't-- I've never come out before like this.
We're announcing that we're poly.
We're announcing everything for the first time.
Ready, and go.
Look at the kite go.
Aah! Devin is having a ball.
There it goes.
Living together has been really stressful, so this is our time to relax, kick back.
I'm really happy that, you know, it's feeling more like a family.
Feels like we're all getting close.
Good.
I'm not a huge beach person.
I don't really like having the sun beating down on me.
But I'll tolerate the beach for them.
Ok at your dad.
Have you seen him surf before? - Yeah.
- I've never seen him surf.
I really look at surfing as one of my lovers, really.
Right up there with Kamala.
Not quite, but close.
- Did you have fun? - Mm-hmm.
I did, actually.
Really, I had a good time.
I'm really, um I'm really enjoying this.
We're down at the beach in this loving family experience, and it just feels like this is honestly how I want to live my life.
I'm not out to my parents yet, and I know we've talked about it, but um, I think it's-- I think it's time.
I think I want to tell them.
I think I'm ready to-- - To come out? - To come out to them, yeah.
I think it's a bad idea.
I mean, really, why do they need to know? Well, partly because-- - I bet they don't even want to know.
- I bet they don't-- yeah? - But hold on.
You're living with us now.
You know, I'm not their daughter, and it would be a lot easier for them to break off a relationship with me, yeah.
And I don't-- I don't want that to happen.
So So that's what worries me.
I want to be honest, and at the same time I don't want them not to care about me anymore.
It just feels to me, Kamala, like you're pushing for it because you're out to your parents, and they know.
But you don't have to have a relationship with them.
- Tahl and I do.
- Yeah, but I-- Now, hold on.
Now, hold on.
We do have to have a relationship.
I would like to have a relationship with him.
You know, Tahl is my lover, and it would be nice to not go there and feel like I'm, you know, just a random stranger.
You know, it's like-- I think after, you know, years of being with you guys that it'd be nice to be acknowledged as your lover.
I want a deeper relationship with my parents, which, as we all agree, honesty is really a fundamental part of that.
Next Friday night I think, you know, if you two would join us.
I've decided to come out at shabbat because I've been doing shabbat dinner for my entire life.
This is when we all get together and talk about family issues.
So Friday night it is.
You know, you need to be there, Jen.
They're your parents, you do what you want.
I'm just letting you know that it's making me nervous.
I'd be nervous too.
You know? It kind of ties my stomach up in knots.
Part of me feels bad holding stuff back.
And she might not like it.
She might not agree.
That's my weak spot right now is my parents.
I don't want to break my mother's heart.
But if you want, you know, you just sit there quiet, and I'll bring it up.
Okay, I'm not saying anything Hopefully not.
We'll see.
I wish Ness was arriving with us.
I know.
- Hi.
- Ciao.
Oh, hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How are you? - The house is gonna go bye-bye.
- I know.
Whenever we come up here, we always stay with Anthony's family.
- Where's Vanessa? Is she-- - She's coming.
She had a final exam.
She had fly up.
Should we wait for her for the Martinis, - or are we going for it? - So she'll be here tonight? - No, we can't wait.
- We should not wait.
We should have a Martini.
How could Linds wait for a Martini? Let's do it.
When things get really, really crazy-- - It's Ness! Let's catch her.
Let's catch Ness.
- Ciao.
- Who's here? Oh, bella.
In the very beginning, Anthony's parents were kind of skeptical about us.
Carolyn, in particular, was pretty hurt, but she and I have had a relationship since I was a child.
And so, eventually the transition was okay, because she loves me, and eventually, watching us together, she could see that the love was real.
- We have a toast.
- We have a toast.
Here's to the happy memories.
Uh, uh, uh Wait.
We have a toast to make.
- We have a toast to make.
- Ah.
We just had our three-year anniversary.
I asked Linds and Anth to make a life commitment to me To have a ceremony of some kind to marry me too.
So we're calling ourselves engaged.
I'm all over this.
I know how to do these weddings and do celebrations.
I mean, it's when people are in love, when they decide to get married, it's like, oh, yeah, it's a natural progression.
So it makes total sense.
I mean, I've always felt that your commitment was sincere, serious, perhaps more so than most people that I know.
Why should anybody who loves each other, whether it's two people, three people, five people-- Why should that not be a good thing or be celebrated? What Vanessa's not telling you is that she also asked us to get, not rings, but tattoos.
- Tattoos! - Okay That's where I draw the line.
No fuckin' tattoos! Okay, but listen-- It's a ring tattoo.
And the messaging is you can't just rip it off in a fight.
Yeah, but see, I'm gonna be the asshole here.
Be it.
Everybody goes into a marriage thinking that's the case, and then things happen, perhaps, and there's a good reason why that marriage might want to break up.
And now you've got this damn tattoo on your-- It worked out for you.
If you had got a tattoo, you'd be fine.
No, I would be fine.
But for a lot of people, it didn't work out.
And what a bummer to have this tattoo on your-- That seems like you think we won't work out.
We may make decisions at some point that would look like a breakup, but what's interesting about the way that poly can work is that we stay in each other's lives.
We're not going to leave each other even if the relationships transition.
We've made that commitment, and that's the commitment that they're commemorating at this time.
Her perspective is a little bit different, and now that I think about it, I agree.
Anthony's parents have been extraordinary, and I hope my mom's reaction will be right on the same page.
A toast to the eternal threesome.
So now it's okay that we all sleep in the same bed, right, when we come over? Yes.
You have been for a while.
It's the big night.
I've decided to come out to my parents at shabbat.
Shabbat's a holy day, an evening of celebration in the Jewish faith.
And it's a time when, I guess, we get together and praise God.
Shabbat dinner is something we've been doing since I can remember.
I grew up in Zimbabwe, and my mom was born and raised in a Victorian-African community.
I was raised to be very ashamed of my naked body.
Sex was not discussed.
I'm just, like, so worried what my mom's gonna think.
God forbid, you know, she starts breaking out into tears.
How are you feeling about tonight? I'm just getting more used to the idea.
I'm tired of actually trying to predict how your parents are gonna act.
You know, whether they're gonna be upset or not upset or-- Just we really won't know until Until we tell them.
Do you think those guys are-- Who do you think is more nervous? Um It might be me.
Michael and I have been to shabbat a couple of times.
We've been introduced by Jen and Tahl as we're just friends.
Poly is about being open and honest, and as long as he's in the closet with his parents, I lose respect for him.
Oh, shit.
What's up? I just got a text from my dad saying that he just saw us half-naked on a website.
Yeah.
That's weird.
That he just saw us half-naked-- you? Me.
Me and Jen.
Were-- were you guys-- I'm not half-naked on any website.
I'd like to see what website he's talking about, because I don't-- Well, what website are you guys on? - I don't know.
- We're not on a website.
- Not at all? - No.
- You texted him back? - I did.
I don't know what he's talking about.
Yeah.
I get this fucking text from my dad, like, out of the blue, that says he's just seen Jen and I naked on a website.
My stomach just, like, goes right up into my throat.
That's not exactly how I wanted this to go down.
This just kind of makes it a little different.
Oh, man, this is not my favorite part.
This is not your favorite part of life? You guys, you guys, you guys, I want to be the one that brings it up, okay? Okay.
So let me at least start the conversation, and then you guys can chime in.
If coming out to my mom destroys the closeness that we've built, I will be devastated.
- Ready? - Yes.
I'm not, but I don't care.
Get back.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Mwah.
I have my own relationship with Lindsey's mom.
So, for me, there's an intimacy at stake that is also just my own intimacy with this person who I haven't been honest with.
I wanted to tell you more about that documentary film - about Hillbrook.
- Yeah, tell me.
Well, it was really great-- - Do you have the book? - Yeah, I have it.
I have it right over here.
Okay.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
Why? Sitting on the couch was painful for me.
I kept looking at Lindsey like, "come on.
Please, let's just go.
" You want to hear what we've been doing lately? Yes, please.
I got a paper published.
Aside from that, it's Vanessa going crazy at school.
Yeah.
So we're working on all these different political arenas.
And so part of our struggle is to stand up for civil rights.
Just like being gay, being polyamorous Um, and other people that just are trying to live a life that is oppressed.
And some of those people that have been feeling left out of the mainstream are us.
Because we are polyamorous.
I'm watching Lindsey tell her mom this kind of, like, abstract thing about us, and I'm like, "she's not getting it.
She's not getting it.
" Vanessa and Anthony and I are in a triad.
We're committed to each other.
And that involves all levels of commitment.
Friendship, romantic, intimate.
I mean, we're in love with each other.
My commitment to Vanessa, especially now, because-- Because things have changed recently We're a really solid triangle.
How did it change recently? Because Vanessa proposed to us, and we said yes.
Brava.
Brava.
I'm proud of you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
And we've been researching-- And not exactly a surprise though.
I mean, because ever since Lindsey was 18, she has been so close to both of you that Right.
She couldn't stand to be away from you.
I'm just so relieved.
I really thought you might be angry.
And I was just worried because Oh, my God, no.
No.
I'm so proud of you, and I'm so proud of Lindsey for loving you.
And I love Vanessa.
I think that's what was making me so emotional just now is because I feel like, especially in the last year, you and I have really had a friendship that's, like, cemented.
- And just was worried that - Thank you.
I agree.
You would be, like-- That-- that us finally being open with you about this would somehow hurt that.
And I don't-- I didn't want that.
I'm sorry to underestimate you like that.
No, I love you, and I'm-- I'm just-- I'm so proud of you.
So I've gained another daughter.
Exactly! - I love you so much.
- I love you too.
You did-- really.
- I did a good job raising you? - Yes.
I feel total relief.
My mom understands what we mean.
I think it's totally genuine, and I just wanted to thank her immediately forever for raising me.
Me too.
- I needed this.
- Me too.
Ahh Okay, so the next question is, you know, are you guys gonna have children? I just don't know how the hell this text came through, but I can't back out now.
But it totally disrupts how I wanted to ease into it.
This is like kind of-- I don't know how they're gonna handle this.
I'm nervous.
- Hi.
- Ah.
- I missed you, Tahl.
- Hello, hello.
- Hello.
- How are you? Good.
- How was your day? - Good.
- Come in.
- Hello.
- Hi, Kamala.
Good to see you.
- Hello.
I open the door, and my parents greet me, and they're like, "hey," and they're all cheerful, and it's not what I expected.
I'm just wondering if my parents-- Are they just putting on a show? So how are you guys? - Good.
- Yeah, good.
Yeah? When did I see you last time? That was what, a month ago? Yeah, maybe a month ago.
Three weeks, month.
- So what, shall we start? - Yeah.
It's a little bit concerning that they're not just talking about the text.
So I'm just sitting back and watching how it's gonna unfold.
I feel like the getaway driver, if it has to come down to that.
As much as I don't subscribe to religion, this might have been a really bad idea.
You want to go back to Africa? Yeah, actually, that would be great to go through Zimbabwe again.
- I've never been to Africa.
- Oh, yeah? Oh, you should first go on safari there.
I'd love to take Devin.
He would just absolutely love it.
- Yeah, he would love it.
- Love that.
There was, like, a politeness that was going on, and it was very uncomfortable for me, because we were just leaving something unsaid.
I think we were all leaving it up to Tahl to start this conversation.
- It was a Portuguese colony.
- Oh.
And then she moved to Rhodesia.
- How old were you? - Seven.
I'm looking across the table.
I'm like, "when you gonna do it?" Can I have some of that red wine? Is it like a punch? It's sort of like a punch, yeah.
Like a fruit punch kind of thing.
Tahl's, like, just avoiding it.
It's like he's pushing food around and eating slowly to not have to deal with it.
I look at Jen, and she's just like, "oh, maybe we're gonna get through the night and nobody's gonna say anything.
" Okay, anybody like a little more? - I'm-- I'm done.
- I'm good.
Done? So, um Talk about the elephant in the room here? Who sent you that website? Or what was the website that you looked at? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Um So First of all, I love you guys a lot.
You know that.
I don't know the website you texted.
That was, like, wife swapping or something? Something like that, yeah.
I don't know what that is.
Um So about three years ago, um, Jen and I-- We were just kind of exploring.
We met Michael and Kamala.
And we have since really fallen in love with them.
And so we are in a relationship with Michael and Kamala.
My dad's being quiet, and I can just see the wheels turning in his head.
Here are my lovers.
He's probably just like, "what the fuck did my son just tell me?" This is actually called polyamory, which means "multiple," "poly.
" And then "amory" means "love.
" We actually really love them, and, um That being said, we've actually since moved into their house.
You're not living in your own home? No.
We're living with Michael and Kamala.
How can your relationship be strong when you're not a proper couple? Honestly, it's really good for me.
Jen and I's relationship, it just seems to be getting better and better.
Okay, Tahl, that I think it's a good thing-- I don't.
It goes against everything I've been brought up with.
But the way we live and the way I lived isn't necessarily what suits you.
Yeah.
You're my child.
You know that I adore you.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you're an adult.
You must do whatever is best for you.
And you're my oldest son, and I-- And what can I tell you I-- I'm here for you.
Thank you, mom.
That's very sweet.
I know you guys disagree, but I just thank you.
Thank you.
It's my son.
Yeah.
This woman's love is so big.
It was inspiring.
Thank you, dad.
You're our big boy.
Um, I'd like us to deepen our relationship.
You know, I want it to be a relationship where I can tell you guys everything.
And I know you don't agree-- I don't know if I always want to hear everything.
I told you.
I said.
I'm like, "they just don't want to know, Tahl.
" I really don't always.
I mean, I appreciate it, but I don't really always want to know.
Thank you, mom.
- Can I give you a hug? - Yes.
I need it.
Give you a hug too.
Aw.
What a relief.
Oh, my God, just Oh! Thank you, mom.
- Ah, where did I go wrong? - Aw, no.
Really, like, I'm enjoying my life so much.
Thanks, dad.
I'm really proud what you've done with your life up to now.
And, Jen, you've been so supportive of Tahl as well.
So I really love you for that and yourself.
Oh-- oh, my God.
Can I have a hug, please? Yes.
Oh, my God.
IUm It was just such a wonderful gift that she gave me.
You know, then, even in the middle of her upset, she just looked right at me and told me she still cares about me, and that's-- That's what I needed to hear.
Wow, I didn't expect the dinner to end like this.
Should we have ice cream? We should have ice cream.
Get out the dessert.
It felt really good.
It felt good to be honest.
It felt good to tell them.
It felt good to inform them and make them a bigger part of my life.
That was a lovely dinner.
Thanks, mom.
It was so nice to see, you know, the emotions come up, and the acceptance, and the love.
Bye, dad it was beautiful.
Drive carefully.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Okay.
Let's have sex and go to bed.