Pompidou (2015) s01e06 Episode Script
Cold
1 # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy doo Doo dooblee doo-doo # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy doo # Doo-doo pomp # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la # Pompy dompy dompy Doo doo doo doo doo # Pompidou Pompidou La-la-la Pompy dompy dompy doo! Bleurgh.
Brr.
Huh-huh Achoo! Oh! MUMBLES NASALLY Oh! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh .
.
Puh! Uh? Oh.
MUMBLES NASALLY Duh! Ugh.
Ooh, yeah.
That's all right.
Huh-uh-uh-uh-achoo! HE GROANS HE MOANS One, two, three Eh? No.
Oh.
MUMBLING: Phone them up Say, "Hello!" CONTINUES MUMBLING INSTRUCTIONS RINGING TONE PHONE RINGS Hello! -Ah.
Is that? -Yeah! HE MUMBLES Pompidou, Hove and Marion the woof-woof.
HE CONTINUES TO MUMBLE INCOHERENTLY No All right, I'll be there in two minutes.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Good afternoon.
All right, bye! THEY REASSURE EACH OTHER Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh-blurgh! Oh, argh! HE MUTTERS FRUSTRATEDLY CRACK! Pompidou! HOVE GASPS HOVE SPUTTERS Pompidou! Naughty! Naughty? Naughty.
I'm naughty.
Ooh! Right.
Let's have a look.
I'm going to take some pills.
PILLS RATTLE IN BOTTLES Pompidou! POMPIDOU MUMBLES No, nothing -But-but-but I've got this, I've got that I've got that, that, that.
HE SHOUTS GRUMPILY CONTINUES MUMBLING GRUMPILY Huh-uh-uh .
.
pwuah! HE GROANS HE MAKES WHINING SOUND I'll tell you what we'll do MUMBLES Ooh! That's what we'll do! Oh, yeah! POMPIDOU LISTS HAPPILY MAKES KISSING SOUNDS HOVE BLOWS Oh.
That's nice! -Yah, that.
That, that, that.
Nice! -That, that, that, that, that.
All right.
Oh That! That, that.
That, that, that! Pompy! Uh? OK.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yes, er Er MUTTERS PLEADINGLY Yes.
Achoo! Urgh.
No, no.
Ooh! That's nice, yes.
Huh-uh-uh-uh .
.
Achoo! Oh, no.
Dirty! MUMBLES COMPLAININGLY Oh! Poo-poo-ka-ka! MUMBLES HAPPILY Yes, hmm.
There! MUMBLES IN FRUSTRATION No, no.
No, no, no.
Oh! Hold on.
Oh.
Hmmm.
I like that one and I like that one.
Hmm.
Hip-dop hip-dop, hummer-dummer-dum-dum, hip-dip-dop! Hummer-dummer-dip-dop, hup-dip-doh, hip-nip-nop-nip, hup-dip-doh! Hip-dop, nip-nop-no! Oh, I'll take that one.
ICY WIND WHISTLES MUMBLES NASALLY Now, it'll be OK, yes? It will be OK.
Oh! HE SHOUTS IN FRUSTRATION HE MUMBLES IN DETERMINED FASHION PHONE RINGS Aw, what now? Look.
SHOUTS CROSSLY Oh, yeah.
Honestly, absolutely.
Huh, yes.
Good afternoon.
MUTTERS ANGRILY MUSIC PLAYS ON VAN RADIO Oh.
Well, that the solves that.
Huh-uh-uh .
.
pwuh! Urgh.
MARION GROWLS No, no! No.
Naughty.
Very naughty.
Isn't that naughty? -Very naughty.
Very naughty.
HE SHIVERS Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! HE WHISPERS Owww! That hurt me! That really hurt me! That really did hurt me! HE WHINES Oh! Hup! Hup! HE MUMBLES HE MUMBLES Right, we've got socks Right! No, no, no.
Right.
Are you sure you want to do this? -Oh Cheers.
Hup, hup! HE MUTTERS INDIGNANTLY Bolly! Hm? HE SHOUTS ANGRILY POMPIDOU SHOUTS ORDERS Ah! You know how we've got to do this? I'll tell you how we've got to do this INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS POMPIDOU TALKS IN PUBLIC-SPEAKING STYLE Ab ba doo dish? -Ab ba doo dish! Right! Oh! Oh! Brr! Brr! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Achoo! No! No! I lost my hat outside! I lost my coat outside! I lost my trousers outside! I lost my Oh! No, that one's all right! I lost my -Pompidou! Pompy.
-Yes? -Dosh.
-Hm? Tenaloo in dosh.
-Tenaloo in dosh? -Dosh! -Tenaloo in Yes! Yes! Tenaloo in dosh! Yes! We don't have to go out there.
Yes! Hove.
Yes? I've had an idea.
Tenaloo in dosh.
It says here HE READS Ooh.
Ah Ah Achoo! HE READS Oh! HE MUTTERS Tie that to there but whatever you do, don't knock that cylinder.
No, no, no Oh, I had it upside down.
Oh! Hup! Hup! Hup! Oh Hup! Ha-ha! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Ha-ha! Oh Ah-ah-achoo! Oh.
Oh.
I can't reach! Oh.
Hove! Hove! Can you bring that over, please? Hove! Hove? Hove? Can you bring over the pills, please? Oh! Doggy.
Doggy, can you bring over the tablets, please? I can't reach Oh HE GRUMBLES Sup, sup.
Right.
Water.
Oh.
Oh HE GRUMBLES Ah Mm.
Ah! Right.
HE MUMBLES Oh! MARION BARKS ICY WIND WHISTLES HE SHIVERS That's it! I'm going to have to do this.
Don so dot? Oh! Right, what we're going to do But, but No, no, no.
We've only got one match to do this Yes? Yes? Yes, all right.
Ah-ha-ha-ha! Here we go.
Ah.
TO TUNE OF WALTZING MATILDA: # Pompy dumpty doodle # Pompy dumpty donty doo # Pomp dumpty dump dumpty dumpity doo # Pompy dump dumpy doo # Pompy dumpy dumpy dumpy doo # Pomp dumpy dump dumpity doo BOTH: # Pomp dumpty doodle # Pomp dumpty doodle # Pomp dumpty dump dumpty dumpty doo # Pomp dumpty doo # Pompy dumpty dumpty dumpty doo # Pomp dumpty doo Pompty dumpty dumpty doo TO TUNE OF IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT: # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty dumpty doo # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty dumpty doo # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty dumpty doo.
Ha-ha-ha! TO THE TUNE OF KUMBAYA: # Pompy doo, my Lord Pompy doo No, no.
# Pompy doo, my Lord Pompy doo No! # Pompy doo, my Lord Pompy doo No! Oh, Lord, pompy doo.
HE MUTTERS GRUMPILY BOTH: # We don't have to take our clothes off # To have a good time # Whoo, no! # We can dance and party all night # And drink some cherry wine # Uh-huh! # Da, da, da, da, da # Da, da! # Da, da, da, da, da Da, da Ah.
WIND BLOWS # Da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da Achoo! Oh.
# Da, da, da, da, da # Da, da! # Da, da, da, da, da Da, da Oh Mm! HE HUMS Da, da! HE HUMS Oh! ELECTRICAL CRACKLING BIRDS TWEE HE YAWNS Ah! Oh! HE MUMBLES Oh.
Oh Ah-ah-ah Oh! I'm all better! Huh! Right TENT ZIPPER CLOSES Oh.
Hello! Tea? Er No, er Oh! Oh! I'm tired, oh.
Let's lie down No, no.
# Pomp pompy doodle # Pomp pompy doodle # Pomp pompy domp Pompy domp HOVE COUGHS (Pompidou) Yeah? HE WHISPERS ANGRILY Oh, the polygolosh, yes.
With the Yes.
Yes, it It's, er Er Well HE BURBLES POSITIVELY Yes, yes, it's Yes.
It's Yeah, sorry, but Ooh.
Yeah.
Can I have a drink, please? Over there? Chop chop! DOORBELL RINGS Well, go and see who's rang the doorbell, then! Where is it? -Hm? Oh.
Oh.
Ah.
I see There you are.
Oh.
All right, that's going to be And You know! Oh.
All right? Want this open? Closed? Open? Closed? -Uh All right! -Bye-bye.
Oh, he's nice, isn't he? And this works now.
That'll be nice.
Oh.
Hove, can you do that, please? Ah Ah Oh.
Ah Oh! Achoo! Hove! Hove! Hove!
Brr.
Huh-huh Achoo! Oh! MUMBLES NASALLY Oh! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh .
.
Puh! Uh? Oh.
MUMBLES NASALLY Duh! Ugh.
Ooh, yeah.
That's all right.
Huh-uh-uh-uh-achoo! HE GROANS HE MOANS One, two, three Eh? No.
Oh.
MUMBLING: Phone them up Say, "Hello!" CONTINUES MUMBLING INSTRUCTIONS RINGING TONE PHONE RINGS Hello! -Ah.
Is that? -Yeah! HE MUMBLES Pompidou, Hove and Marion the woof-woof.
HE CONTINUES TO MUMBLE INCOHERENTLY No All right, I'll be there in two minutes.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Good afternoon.
All right, bye! THEY REASSURE EACH OTHER Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh-blurgh! Oh, argh! HE MUTTERS FRUSTRATEDLY CRACK! Pompidou! HOVE GASPS HOVE SPUTTERS Pompidou! Naughty! Naughty? Naughty.
I'm naughty.
Ooh! Right.
Let's have a look.
I'm going to take some pills.
PILLS RATTLE IN BOTTLES Pompidou! POMPIDOU MUMBLES No, nothing -But-but-but I've got this, I've got that I've got that, that, that.
HE SHOUTS GRUMPILY CONTINUES MUMBLING GRUMPILY Huh-uh-uh .
.
pwuah! HE GROANS HE MAKES WHINING SOUND I'll tell you what we'll do MUMBLES Ooh! That's what we'll do! Oh, yeah! POMPIDOU LISTS HAPPILY MAKES KISSING SOUNDS HOVE BLOWS Oh.
That's nice! -Yah, that.
That, that, that.
Nice! -That, that, that, that, that.
All right.
Oh That! That, that.
That, that, that! Pompy! Uh? OK.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yes, er Er MUTTERS PLEADINGLY Yes.
Achoo! Urgh.
No, no.
Ooh! That's nice, yes.
Huh-uh-uh-uh .
.
Achoo! Oh, no.
Dirty! MUMBLES COMPLAININGLY Oh! Poo-poo-ka-ka! MUMBLES HAPPILY Yes, hmm.
There! MUMBLES IN FRUSTRATION No, no.
No, no, no.
Oh! Hold on.
Oh.
Hmmm.
I like that one and I like that one.
Hmm.
Hip-dop hip-dop, hummer-dummer-dum-dum, hip-dip-dop! Hummer-dummer-dip-dop, hup-dip-doh, hip-nip-nop-nip, hup-dip-doh! Hip-dop, nip-nop-no! Oh, I'll take that one.
ICY WIND WHISTLES MUMBLES NASALLY Now, it'll be OK, yes? It will be OK.
Oh! HE SHOUTS IN FRUSTRATION HE MUMBLES IN DETERMINED FASHION PHONE RINGS Aw, what now? Look.
SHOUTS CROSSLY Oh, yeah.
Honestly, absolutely.
Huh, yes.
Good afternoon.
MUTTERS ANGRILY MUSIC PLAYS ON VAN RADIO Oh.
Well, that the solves that.
Huh-uh-uh .
.
pwuh! Urgh.
MARION GROWLS No, no! No.
Naughty.
Very naughty.
Isn't that naughty? -Very naughty.
Very naughty.
HE SHIVERS Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! HE WHISPERS Owww! That hurt me! That really hurt me! That really did hurt me! HE WHINES Oh! Hup! Hup! HE MUMBLES HE MUMBLES Right, we've got socks Right! No, no, no.
Right.
Are you sure you want to do this? -Oh Cheers.
Hup, hup! HE MUTTERS INDIGNANTLY Bolly! Hm? HE SHOUTS ANGRILY POMPIDOU SHOUTS ORDERS Ah! You know how we've got to do this? I'll tell you how we've got to do this INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS POMPIDOU TALKS IN PUBLIC-SPEAKING STYLE Ab ba doo dish? -Ab ba doo dish! Right! Oh! Oh! Brr! Brr! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Achoo! No! No! I lost my hat outside! I lost my coat outside! I lost my trousers outside! I lost my Oh! No, that one's all right! I lost my -Pompidou! Pompy.
-Yes? -Dosh.
-Hm? Tenaloo in dosh.
-Tenaloo in dosh? -Dosh! -Tenaloo in Yes! Yes! Tenaloo in dosh! Yes! We don't have to go out there.
Yes! Hove.
Yes? I've had an idea.
Tenaloo in dosh.
It says here HE READS Ooh.
Ah Ah Achoo! HE READS Oh! HE MUTTERS Tie that to there but whatever you do, don't knock that cylinder.
No, no, no Oh, I had it upside down.
Oh! Hup! Hup! Hup! Oh Hup! Ha-ha! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Ha-ha! Oh Ah-ah-achoo! Oh.
Oh.
I can't reach! Oh.
Hove! Hove! Can you bring that over, please? Hove! Hove? Hove? Can you bring over the pills, please? Oh! Doggy.
Doggy, can you bring over the tablets, please? I can't reach Oh HE GRUMBLES Sup, sup.
Right.
Water.
Oh.
Oh HE GRUMBLES Ah Mm.
Ah! Right.
HE MUMBLES Oh! MARION BARKS ICY WIND WHISTLES HE SHIVERS That's it! I'm going to have to do this.
Don so dot? Oh! Right, what we're going to do But, but No, no, no.
We've only got one match to do this Yes? Yes? Yes, all right.
Ah-ha-ha-ha! Here we go.
Ah.
TO TUNE OF WALTZING MATILDA: # Pompy dumpty doodle # Pompy dumpty donty doo # Pomp dumpty dump dumpty dumpity doo # Pompy dump dumpy doo # Pompy dumpy dumpy dumpy doo # Pomp dumpy dump dumpity doo BOTH: # Pomp dumpty doodle # Pomp dumpty doodle # Pomp dumpty dump dumpty dumpty doo # Pomp dumpty doo # Pompy dumpty dumpty dumpty doo # Pomp dumpty doo Pompty dumpty dumpty doo TO TUNE OF IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT: # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty dumpty doo # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty dumpty doo # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty # Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty Pompty dumpty dumpty dumpty dumpty doo.
Ha-ha-ha! TO THE TUNE OF KUMBAYA: # Pompy doo, my Lord Pompy doo No, no.
# Pompy doo, my Lord Pompy doo No! # Pompy doo, my Lord Pompy doo No! Oh, Lord, pompy doo.
HE MUTTERS GRUMPILY BOTH: # We don't have to take our clothes off # To have a good time # Whoo, no! # We can dance and party all night # And drink some cherry wine # Uh-huh! # Da, da, da, da, da # Da, da! # Da, da, da, da, da Da, da Ah.
WIND BLOWS # Da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da Achoo! Oh.
# Da, da, da, da, da # Da, da! # Da, da, da, da, da Da, da Oh Mm! HE HUMS Da, da! HE HUMS Oh! ELECTRICAL CRACKLING BIRDS TWEE HE YAWNS Ah! Oh! HE MUMBLES Oh.
Oh Ah-ah-ah Oh! I'm all better! Huh! Right TENT ZIPPER CLOSES Oh.
Hello! Tea? Er No, er Oh! Oh! I'm tired, oh.
Let's lie down No, no.
# Pomp pompy doodle # Pomp pompy doodle # Pomp pompy domp Pompy domp HOVE COUGHS (Pompidou) Yeah? HE WHISPERS ANGRILY Oh, the polygolosh, yes.
With the Yes.
Yes, it It's, er Er Well HE BURBLES POSITIVELY Yes, yes, it's Yes.
It's Yeah, sorry, but Ooh.
Yeah.
Can I have a drink, please? Over there? Chop chop! DOORBELL RINGS Well, go and see who's rang the doorbell, then! Where is it? -Hm? Oh.
Oh.
Ah.
I see There you are.
Oh.
All right, that's going to be And You know! Oh.
All right? Want this open? Closed? Open? Closed? -Uh All right! -Bye-bye.
Oh, he's nice, isn't he? And this works now.
That'll be nice.
Oh.
Hove, can you do that, please? Ah Ah Oh.
Ah Oh! Achoo! Hove! Hove! Hove!