Preacher (2016) s02e04 Episode Script
Viktor
1 Previously on AMC's "Preacher" [Echoing.]
Go to hell, Eugene! Tulip: Why did it have to be New Orleans? I knew someone would see me here.
You need to tell me what the hell is going on here, love.
[Echoing.]
Where is God?! God is missing.
- You might know where he is.
- Meet me outside.
- [Echoing.]
Stop! - Who are they? Crypto religious fascist organization with designs on total world domination.
We got her.
Nick: Viktor.
We got her.
[Cellphone beeps.]
Gun.
[Dramatic music plays.]
[Guns cocking.]
[Scoffs.]
[Exhales deeply.]
[Tires screech.]
[Doorbell buzzes.]
[Door lock buzzes.]
Ah, you found us.
Come in, Padre.
How you doing? You alright? Yeah.
This your friend's place? Yeah.
Denis.
Wait 'til you meet him.
He's hysterical.
You're gonna love him.
Yeah.
There he is.
How you doing, Denis? Morning, man.
[Coughs.]
Yeah.
He's just tired, that's all.
Don't worry about that.
So? Looking for God? How'd it go? It's hard to say.
But for a first night? Was definitely interesting.
I met this woman.
No, not like that.
She was in trouble, so I helped her.
Oh, that's great.
Helping's nice.
Never mind.
Where's Tulip? Tulip? She still sleeping? No, no, no.
She went out.
Out? - Yeah.
- Where? - I dunno.
- When? When what? Did she go out? Last night.
So she went out in the middle of the night and didn't say where or why or when she'll be back? Yeah.
Maybe you should call, just check in, make sure she's alright.
It's weird, isn't it? For Tulip? It's pretty typical.
I'm gonna take a nap.
Oh, uh, bedroom's down the hall there.
Yeah.
[Sighs.]
Sleep tight.
[Ominous music plays.]
[Door closes.]
[Door slides closed.]
[Grinding in distance.]
[Screaming in distance.]
[Cellphone chimes.]
[Screaming continues.]
[Keypad clicking.]
[Door slides open.]
Keep at it.
This might be one of those all day things.
[Door slides closed.]
So.
What are we gonna do with you? Hello? Hitler: [German accent.]
Hello.
Who's there? - [Cell doors opening.]
- [Alarm blaring.]
Computerized Voice: Projector malfunction.
Please stay put.
Projector malfunction.
Please stay put.
- Projector malfunction.
- What's going on? - Please stay put.
- The whole block's down? Most unusual.
Routine maintenance, I guess Gypsy: Better get back to our hells.
They'll be back soon.
[Scoffs.]
Yeah, run along granny goody two shoes.
I just don't want to get in trouble.
Hey, idiot! You're in Hell! You're already in trouble! Hey! Leave her alone.
Hol-eee shit! Oh my frickin' Jeeezus, check out New Guy! Oh my god, dude! Alright, dude, I gotta ask you a question and you gotta be honest: has anyone ever told you that your face is disgusting? [Laughter.]
It's like your face is one big giant sphincter.
I'm gonna put my meat in your mouth and have oral and anal at the same time! [Laughter.]
Alright, Tyler.
That is enough.
What? Nah, we're just having some fun.
Yeah.
Well, now the fun is over.
What if it isn't over, Mein Fuhrer? What if the fun's just beginning? What are we gonna do about that then? Huh? [Alarm blaring.]
Go! Back to your hells! Quick! [Blaring continues.]
[Sobbing.]
Once the machine starts, the doors lock.
You can come in my hell if you want.
[Tracy speaks indistinctly.]
Suit yourself.
But they will put you in the hole.
[Door closes.]
That was brave.
Sticking up for the gypsy.
You're Hitler.
Yes.
You started World War Two.
I did, yes.
You killed like millions of people.
I did terrible things.
[Clanking.]
[Whirring.]
Here we go again.
[Soft violin music plays.]
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Silverware clinking.]
Two of your best plum cakes please.
E-Extra flaky crust! Danke! [Bell jingles.]
- [German accent.]
Guten tag - Oh, Elsa.
There you are! I just ordered plum cakes.
Oh, yum.
I-I dropped by your house yesterday.
Oh, did you? I, uh, had to help my mother at the store.
Ah.
Excuse me [Dramatic music plays.]
Yes, of course.
My fault.
- Guten tag.
- Guten tag.
I'm sorry.
You were saying you were You were helping your mother? Adolf! See that man, with the hat? That's Herman Hoehne, the gallery owner I told you about.
- [Exhales sharply.]
- We are old friends.
You must show him your drawings.
Ach.
They're not ready.
That is what you always say.
You have such talent, you must - [Machine-gun fire.]
- [People gasping.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
Communists.
They're all vermin.
They should be exiled.
Mm.
Yes, I suppose so.
You disagree? The Communists are scum, infiltrating our society.
Yes.
No.
Of course.
You are right, yes.
"Vermin," that is exactly right.
Well, they will get what's coming to them.
- Would you like tea? - I'm fine.
[Distorted voice.]
Thank you.
- [Electricity crackling.]
- Go.
Show him your work.
[Powers down.]
- Again? - [Clanging.]
That wash your worst memory? [Sighs.]
Your door will be open.
Go back to your cell now While you still can.
[Door opens.]
What is your name by the way? Eugene Root.
Welcome to hell, Eugene.
We danced in the moonlight Held hands in the park It's a miracle moment of love [Man screaming.]
Seems like forever [Screaming continues.]
[Inhales sharply.]
[Exhales sharply.]
I'm sorry.
[Sniffles.]
[Inhales shakily.]
Eh.
Here.
No more crying? Okay? 'Cause crying isn't gonna fix this.
I brought you in.
I trusted you, made you a part of my family.
And in return you made a fool out of me.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say Well, you better think of something 'cause "sorry" isn't gonna fix this either.
[Knock on door.]
[Door slides open.]
Excuse me, boss.
He's conscious again.
Not sure how long we'll have him.
Walk around, clear your head, and when I ask you again, give me a better answer.
Pat: Hey Tulip.
[Sighs.]
Hey Pat.
- [Man screaming.]
- [Cellphone vibrates, chimes.]
Narrator: You've forgotten us, haven't you? You moved on.
Your life continued.
But others weren't so lucky.
The waters went down, but the pain rose, the grief continued I lost my house, my clothes, everything.
Asked the Federal Government for help but you know how that goes.
[Coughs.]
What is this? Infomercial.
No Tulip? What, she She hasn't called you? Why would I ask if she's here if she called? Yeah.
No.
Uh right.
It It'd just be weird.
Uh, Den? Denis? After my Daddy Padre.
Padre, Denis.
Thank you for letting us stay.
It's It's a beautiful place.
[Speaking French.]
Everything okay? Yeah.
It's just That's just French.
[Coughing.]
Right.
Gonna grab something to eat and then we'll go.
Wh-What? Wait Where we going? Jazz clubs.
We still got 137 more to see.
Yeah, but what What about Tulip? What about her? Are you are you not wondering where she is? I know exactly where she is.
You do? We're in a fight.
So she's out somewhere being mad at me.
Being mad at you? Yeah.
Shopping, shoplifting.
Cheating at cards.
Calling off marriages.
Yeah, but, man, she She never said anything like that to me, though.
She just got up and left without saying a word.
- Do you know what I mean? - Right.
'Cause we're in a fight.
But I Anyway, this woman last night? She told me about some secret organization with designs on world domination? - You know about that? - Yeah.
Sure, which one? Is it Z.
O.
G.
? Rosicrucians, Reptilians? Secret society of alien lizards.
They impersonate celebrities in an attempt to take over the planet through popular culture.
- Is that it? - No.
Right.
[Clears throat.]
The one I was told about, the guys were wearing white suits.
Yeah? They drive white vans.
Maybe some sort of religious organization? White suits.
I don't know about that, Padre.
It sounds pretty fake to me.
Hmm.
White vans.
[Van door opens, closes.]
In position.
[Indistinct conversations.]
We're living under a bridge, and I work three jobs just to keep a tarp over our heads.
I used to go to prostitutes.
Now, I am one.
Oh, I thought things couldn't get worse than a Category Five hurricane but for me, Katrina was the beginning Oh, my Oh my god.
J-J-Jesse! Jess! Jesse: What is it? Jesse, come and have a look! Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick! It's bloody God from your church.
Look.
See? lost my insurance and now I'm mentally ill.
- It's the guy from the church.
- But no matter the tragedy, I still believe that people are good, and that's what helps me sleep at night.
[Urinating.]
[Zipper zips.]
How do you sleep at night? Hi, I'm Frankie Muniz.
I'm not homeless, and neither are they.
We're all actors.
Frankie Muniz.
Huge talent.
So when it comes time to give what do we say? Together: Don't forget! Fake God.
He's an actor.
Fake God is a local actor.
Huh? [Doors open.]
[Keys jingle.]
Janitor: It's only this block that's on the fritz, right? That's correct.
Bulb's almost brand-new, so that can't be it.
It has to be electrical.
Could be mechanical.
Could be the fan.
Could be a lot of things.
Did you leave the room right now? Uh, no.
[Metal clanking.]
This going to take a while? Maybe a full reset.
Come with me.
Jesse: This actor could answer lots of questions.
Cassidy: Like what? Like, why'd they hire him? Does he look like God? Does he act like God? Maybe God hired him.
Alright.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
- Hello? - Hi.
We looked online.
Y-You represent an actor here? A "Mark Hair-lik"? "Ha-relic"? From the Katrina commercials? Receptionist: Harelik.
Do you have an appointment? - Nope.
- [Sighs.]
alright.
Coming.
[Clears throat.]
[Birds chirping.]
Hey guys! How you been? [Cards dealing.]
Hey, Jimmy, you still playing with this guy? He will rob you blind [Chuckles.]
[Cards dealing.]
Mmm.
Something smells good.
Pete, Nick please.
I know I messed up big-time We need more salt.
There's still no word from Tulip? That's weird, isn't it? Hm.
You're not worried.
That's good.
Why would I be worried? Well, if I had a girl like Tulip I'd be worried day and night, man.
If you had a girl like Tulip you'd be wasting your time.
If there's one thing Tulip O'Hare can do, it's look after herself.
- Hey, guys.
Teddy Gunth.
- Yep.
Sorry about the wait.
It's pilot season so crazy busy, but how can I be of help to you? You represent a Mark Harelik? I do.
Huge talent.
Tell me what exactly are you looking for? We're looking for Mark Harelik.
We have a few questions for him.
Right, right.
Okay, so, I'm hearing tall Jewish right, maybe kinda soulful.
You guys definitely came to the right place.
Um, let me ask you something.
Does it have to be European white or can it be maybe Hispanic? And the only reason why I ask this, right, is because I just signed this Cuban guy.
D So good.
No, no, just tell us where he is.
See, it doesn't really work that way, boss.
You want access to a Teddy Gunth client gotta go through Teddy Gunth.
Now what is this project? It's "Game of Thrones.
" ["Game of Thrones" style music plays.]
And are we talking guest star or something larger? It's reoccurring.
But there's a chance he'll get up to series regular if he's good-like.
You know what I mean? I want premium cable rate.
- $15,000 per episode.
- Done.
And per diem, plus round trip airfare, first class.
Business.
Nice try.
This is HBO.
No one's made of money, Gunth, alright? Even Dinklage flies business.
Christ.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Done.
- Excellente, Gunth.
Alright.
Now, we need to arrange a costume fitting immediately.
Where the hell is he? - [Chuckles.]
- Who? Harelik? - Mm-hmm.
- No idea.
What on earth do you mean, Gunth? Hold on.
Hold on.
Let me show you this Cuban guy We don't want the Cuban guy, Gunth! - I get that - We don't want him.
We want Harelik, or there's no deal here, alright? I don't know where he is.
Oh, for God's sake.
He's ridiculous, this man.
I got him this gig.
Moment he got it, never heard from him again.
The Katrina commercial? No.
No, no, no.
That was over a year ago.
This was, uh This was some out of town understudy thing for some larger than life type character, like, um Like a mob boss or an emperor or something.
Or God.
Yeah, that was it.
It was God.
And who hired him? Who was behind this? Who knows? Voices on a phone, right? - Ah.
- Great.
I'll tell you this much, though Snooty freakin' bastards.
'Cause I remember, I told 'em to send me his audition tape 'cause I wanted it for, like, his actor reel, right? They told me to pound sand.
Yeah.
Teddy Gunth! So I told them, "You listen to me right now.
You send me his goddamn audition tape right now, or I'm gonna have Screen Actors Guild on you so fast, your shoes are gonna curl.
" And believe me, that got their attention.
They sent it to you, this tape? - Yeah.
- What's on it? Are you crazy? I didn't watch it.
Have you ever seen an actor's audition? Nobody watches them.
This is a waste of time.
It's ridiculous.
It's making me furious.
HBO's gonna hear about this, Gunth! - I tell you what - This tape? Do you have a copy? Mannering: What do you mean he's gone? How could that happen? Who let him out? Well someone better find him or we'll have to answer to you know who.
[Sighs.]
Jesus.
You're new, so here's a little background.
When this place was initially conceived and constructed, no one had any idea the kind of numbers we'd be getting.
Obviously we have issues of overcrowding, we're underfunded, and sometimes the machine breaks down.
We'll have you back to your hell soon enough.
Until then, I'm gonna put you in holding with the others.
And this is what you need to consider Lots of first timers, they get very excited when their hells break down.
"Oh, let's take a break, put our feet up, it's vacation time.
" You know what I do with them? No ma'am.
I put them in the hole.
You think your worst memory is bad? You think that's torture? We can make it worse.
One more thing.
I've been reviewing your hell.
[Projector whirring.]
You seem like a nice young man.
Sweet.
Kind.
Loyal.
Thank you.
That kind of behavior will not be tolerated here.
Do you understand? Yesh ma'am.
This is Hell: act accordingly.
We will be watching.
Hey Allie.
[Chuckles.]
How you doing? You got so big, huh? Those bracelets are pretty.
You make them? [Spits.]
I hope my father kills you.
Um Mark Harelik.
Six-two.
Gunth Management.
[Chuckles.]
[Sighs.]
Man: When you're ready.
Okay.
Um Let me just ask Uh, is is there Who am I talking to in this scene? 'Cause it's not it's not quite clear from the script.
Could be the heavenly host or different angels calling up from Earth.
Your goal is to reassure the faithful, et cetera.
Okay.
alright.
Alright.
Got it.
[Clears throat.]
[Trills lips.]
Hahhhhhh.
[Sighs.]
Okay.
Who are you? I am the alpha and the omega Could I start one more time, please? That I didn't Sure.
Go ahead.
[Inhales sharply, clears throat.]
I am the alpha and the omega, and the bright morning star.
I am the Lord, your God.
My children, why have you called me? That was great.
[Sighs heavily.]
Can we move on to the other scenes? [Indistinct whispering.]
Let's try the Empathy With Sufferers scene.
Empathy With Sufferers.
Right.
[Sniffs sharply.]
The Lord your God has heard your lamentations, your wailing Rest well, my child.
Your suffering is my suffering.
I shall soothe your pain and dry your tears.
[Sniffles.]
[Crying.]
Your suffering is my suffering.
That just kills me.
Cassidy: He's pretty good.
Hold on.
And finally: your, uh, last scene? Scary Prophecy.
Whenever you're ready.
Hear me! Hear me and tremble and know the signs of the world to come! Look for the changes, for things impossible.
The dying land, the falling sky, the beasts of the field thrown into confusion.
Look for the days to shorten, look for the darkness to grow and look for the wicked to know my wrath! Excellent, thank you.
[Breathing heavily.]
I pushed that last part.
Don't you think? I mean, i-it's not as scary if He's trying to be scary.
You know You know what I'm saying? I agree with that.
There's no out-date.
Yes.
Yes.
And you're okay with that? Well, I Gosh, I've been thinking about this for a a long time.
Obviously, it's a It's a big commitment.
But, uh [chuckles.]
it's the role of a lifetime.
In that case, congratulations.
You've got the part.
- Yes! [Laughs.]
- [Gunshot.]
- Aah! - Ooh.
Holy shite! They killed him! They had to.
Only way to get him to Heaven.
Alright, so God's an expert crier and He yells a lot.
Well, we kinda knew that already.
Weird though, right? Well, if it isn't weird then they changed the definition while I wasn't bloody looking.
No, no.
We're here.
Fake God was from here.
And other people are looking for God here? - Yeah.
- That's weird.
Right.
I vote we call it a day.
Let's ring Tulip, see what she's up to.
I feel like I'm missing something Something really obvious.
I'm sure you are.
[Dramatic music plays.]
Looking for a gun, huh? In the ol' gun safe maybe? Yeah we changed the combo a month ago.
[Grunting.]
Tulip: Hey, Marte.
[Gun cocks.]
Let me go.
No.
Let me go, Viktor, or I swear to God, I will blow your brains out.
Yeah? So do it.
Come on.
Now's your chance.
Do it.
[Men grunting.]
Alright, alright.
That's enough.
[Men groaning.]
Want me to have a crack at her, boss? No thank you, Pat.
Leave her to me.
[Inhales, exhales sharply.]
[Cellphone vibrates, chimes.]
[Door opens.]
[Indistinct conversations.]
Show me your saggies.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Come on show me just just one time.
- Hey! - [Grunting.]
[Imitates grunting.]
Speak English.
English! What is wrong with you? Hitler: Hello.
[Laughter.]
How was your chat with Superintendent Mannering? Fine.
Fine, was it? Ja.
Good.
What is the use of a puzzle book if all the answers are filled in? But I suppose that is exactly their point, then, isn't it? "No rest for the wicked.
" You don't seem that bad.
Anymore.
At least to me.
I mean are you? Am I what, Eugene? Bad? Tyler: Hey, look! It's New Guy! And he brought his anal face! [Laughter.]
What you guys doin'? Just talkin', catchin' up? Tyler.
What? I like talking.
He can talk to me too.
Say something, like, um, um [Fingers snap.]
spaghetti.
Er, no, no, no, no.
No, Mississippi! [Laughing.]
S Say Mississippi.
[Laughter.]
Come on ass face, say Mississippi.
Say it.
Stop! Yeah? Or what? Uh Just don't.
What happened to you, Hitler? You used to be Hitler.
I mean, what happened to the Blitzkrieg and the Sieg Heils?! Remember Sieg Heil? Sieg Heil! - Nein.
- [Grunts.]
[Chuckles.]
Please, Tyler.
Viol [Grunts.]
[Laughter.]
Down goes Hitler! Down goes Hitler! [Laughter.]
Come on, who else wants a piece of some fascist ass?! [All chanting "Sieg Heil".]
Hey.
Hey! Wait! [Breathing heavily.]
Sieg Heil! [All chanting "Sieg Heil".]
Mark: a long time.
Obviously, it's a It's a big commitment.
Alright, Jess, can we just Jess.
Man: In that case, congratulations.
You've got the part.
- Yes! [Laughs.]
- [Gunshot.]
There.
See?! Corner of the screen, you can just make out a hand.
- Jess - If I could just magnify that, I could find out whose hand it is.
Jesse.
Jess.
Jess! What? What is it? I-I think Tulip's in trouble.
I-I don't know.
What? Bollocks.
I wasn't supposed to say, alright? - Supposed to say what? - I've been hinting all day long, and you just you haven't been listening.
You haven't been picking up on it.
Okay, well, I'm picking up on it now.
What are you talking about? Sh-Sh-She told me She told me she could handle it and under no circumstances am I to tell you, so I Where is she? Padre, I want to tell you, but she made me promise that I Where is she?! My problem is, I went crazy in high school, tried everything I could get my hands on.
Gel, mousse, powder.
I think my follicles They just gave up.
That's a real thing.
Follicles they They give up.
- Can I help you? - This Viktor Kruglov's place? This is private property, pal.
Get lost.
[Echoing.]
Open the gate.
Sit down.
Don't move.
Where's Tulip? Together: I don't know.
Nobody move.
[Clatter in distance.]
[Floorboard creaks.]
It happens sometimes.
Heart gives out.
[Echoing.]
It's an art, not a science.
Pat: You're awake.
Good.
I don't know what you did to the guys out there.
But I am definitely curious.
[Metal clanking.]
Choices.
Hardest part of the job.
- [Cellphone beeps.]
- [Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" plays.]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Alright, let's get to the bottom of things [Echoing.]
Stop! She's been living in her uptown world Stop! I bet she's never had a backstreet guy - I bet her mama never told her why - [Grunting.]
I'm gonna try for an uptown girl Uptown girl She's been living in her white-bread world White-bread world As long as anyone with hot blood can Hot blood can And now she's looking for a downtown man Downtown man That's what I am And when she knows what she wants from her ti-i-ime And when she wakes up and makes up her mi-i-ind She'll see I'm not so tough Just because I'm in love with an uptown girl Uptown girl You know I've seen her in her uptown world Uptown world She's getting tired of her high-class toys High-class toys And all her presents from her uptown boys - [Electricity zapping.]
- [Grunting.]
She's got a choice Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Uptown girl You know I can't afford to buy her pearls But maybe someday when my ship comes in She'll understand what kind of guy I've been I've been And then I'll win And when she's walking, she's looking so fi-i-ine And when she's talking, she'll say that she's mi-i-ine She'll say I'm not so tough Just because [Echoing.]
Where is she? Bedroom.
[Music continues.]
[Earbud clatters.]
[Ominous music plays.]
- Jesse.
- Who the hell Ugh! Jesse! [Gasping.]
[Normal voice.]
It's okay.
Tulip: Jesse don't! Jesse! Jesse, you can't kill him.
He's my husband.
[Dramatic music plays.]
[Footsteps approaching.]
Go to hell, Eugene! Tulip: Why did it have to be New Orleans? I knew someone would see me here.
You need to tell me what the hell is going on here, love.
[Echoing.]
Where is God?! God is missing.
- You might know where he is.
- Meet me outside.
- [Echoing.]
Stop! - Who are they? Crypto religious fascist organization with designs on total world domination.
We got her.
Nick: Viktor.
We got her.
[Cellphone beeps.]
Gun.
[Dramatic music plays.]
[Guns cocking.]
[Scoffs.]
[Exhales deeply.]
[Tires screech.]
[Doorbell buzzes.]
[Door lock buzzes.]
Ah, you found us.
Come in, Padre.
How you doing? You alright? Yeah.
This your friend's place? Yeah.
Denis.
Wait 'til you meet him.
He's hysterical.
You're gonna love him.
Yeah.
There he is.
How you doing, Denis? Morning, man.
[Coughs.]
Yeah.
He's just tired, that's all.
Don't worry about that.
So? Looking for God? How'd it go? It's hard to say.
But for a first night? Was definitely interesting.
I met this woman.
No, not like that.
She was in trouble, so I helped her.
Oh, that's great.
Helping's nice.
Never mind.
Where's Tulip? Tulip? She still sleeping? No, no, no.
She went out.
Out? - Yeah.
- Where? - I dunno.
- When? When what? Did she go out? Last night.
So she went out in the middle of the night and didn't say where or why or when she'll be back? Yeah.
Maybe you should call, just check in, make sure she's alright.
It's weird, isn't it? For Tulip? It's pretty typical.
I'm gonna take a nap.
Oh, uh, bedroom's down the hall there.
Yeah.
[Sighs.]
Sleep tight.
[Ominous music plays.]
[Door closes.]
[Door slides closed.]
[Grinding in distance.]
[Screaming in distance.]
[Cellphone chimes.]
[Screaming continues.]
[Keypad clicking.]
[Door slides open.]
Keep at it.
This might be one of those all day things.
[Door slides closed.]
So.
What are we gonna do with you? Hello? Hitler: [German accent.]
Hello.
Who's there? - [Cell doors opening.]
- [Alarm blaring.]
Computerized Voice: Projector malfunction.
Please stay put.
Projector malfunction.
Please stay put.
- Projector malfunction.
- What's going on? - Please stay put.
- The whole block's down? Most unusual.
Routine maintenance, I guess Gypsy: Better get back to our hells.
They'll be back soon.
[Scoffs.]
Yeah, run along granny goody two shoes.
I just don't want to get in trouble.
Hey, idiot! You're in Hell! You're already in trouble! Hey! Leave her alone.
Hol-eee shit! Oh my frickin' Jeeezus, check out New Guy! Oh my god, dude! Alright, dude, I gotta ask you a question and you gotta be honest: has anyone ever told you that your face is disgusting? [Laughter.]
It's like your face is one big giant sphincter.
I'm gonna put my meat in your mouth and have oral and anal at the same time! [Laughter.]
Alright, Tyler.
That is enough.
What? Nah, we're just having some fun.
Yeah.
Well, now the fun is over.
What if it isn't over, Mein Fuhrer? What if the fun's just beginning? What are we gonna do about that then? Huh? [Alarm blaring.]
Go! Back to your hells! Quick! [Blaring continues.]
[Sobbing.]
Once the machine starts, the doors lock.
You can come in my hell if you want.
[Tracy speaks indistinctly.]
Suit yourself.
But they will put you in the hole.
[Door closes.]
That was brave.
Sticking up for the gypsy.
You're Hitler.
Yes.
You started World War Two.
I did, yes.
You killed like millions of people.
I did terrible things.
[Clanking.]
[Whirring.]
Here we go again.
[Soft violin music plays.]
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Silverware clinking.]
Two of your best plum cakes please.
E-Extra flaky crust! Danke! [Bell jingles.]
- [German accent.]
Guten tag - Oh, Elsa.
There you are! I just ordered plum cakes.
Oh, yum.
I-I dropped by your house yesterday.
Oh, did you? I, uh, had to help my mother at the store.
Ah.
Excuse me [Dramatic music plays.]
Yes, of course.
My fault.
- Guten tag.
- Guten tag.
I'm sorry.
You were saying you were You were helping your mother? Adolf! See that man, with the hat? That's Herman Hoehne, the gallery owner I told you about.
- [Exhales sharply.]
- We are old friends.
You must show him your drawings.
Ach.
They're not ready.
That is what you always say.
You have such talent, you must - [Machine-gun fire.]
- [People gasping.]
[Indistinct shouting.]
Communists.
They're all vermin.
They should be exiled.
Mm.
Yes, I suppose so.
You disagree? The Communists are scum, infiltrating our society.
Yes.
No.
Of course.
You are right, yes.
"Vermin," that is exactly right.
Well, they will get what's coming to them.
- Would you like tea? - I'm fine.
[Distorted voice.]
Thank you.
- [Electricity crackling.]
- Go.
Show him your work.
[Powers down.]
- Again? - [Clanging.]
That wash your worst memory? [Sighs.]
Your door will be open.
Go back to your cell now While you still can.
[Door opens.]
What is your name by the way? Eugene Root.
Welcome to hell, Eugene.
We danced in the moonlight Held hands in the park It's a miracle moment of love [Man screaming.]
Seems like forever [Screaming continues.]
[Inhales sharply.]
[Exhales sharply.]
I'm sorry.
[Sniffles.]
[Inhales shakily.]
Eh.
Here.
No more crying? Okay? 'Cause crying isn't gonna fix this.
I brought you in.
I trusted you, made you a part of my family.
And in return you made a fool out of me.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to say Well, you better think of something 'cause "sorry" isn't gonna fix this either.
[Knock on door.]
[Door slides open.]
Excuse me, boss.
He's conscious again.
Not sure how long we'll have him.
Walk around, clear your head, and when I ask you again, give me a better answer.
Pat: Hey Tulip.
[Sighs.]
Hey Pat.
- [Man screaming.]
- [Cellphone vibrates, chimes.]
Narrator: You've forgotten us, haven't you? You moved on.
Your life continued.
But others weren't so lucky.
The waters went down, but the pain rose, the grief continued I lost my house, my clothes, everything.
Asked the Federal Government for help but you know how that goes.
[Coughs.]
What is this? Infomercial.
No Tulip? What, she She hasn't called you? Why would I ask if she's here if she called? Yeah.
No.
Uh right.
It It'd just be weird.
Uh, Den? Denis? After my Daddy Padre.
Padre, Denis.
Thank you for letting us stay.
It's It's a beautiful place.
[Speaking French.]
Everything okay? Yeah.
It's just That's just French.
[Coughing.]
Right.
Gonna grab something to eat and then we'll go.
Wh-What? Wait Where we going? Jazz clubs.
We still got 137 more to see.
Yeah, but what What about Tulip? What about her? Are you are you not wondering where she is? I know exactly where she is.
You do? We're in a fight.
So she's out somewhere being mad at me.
Being mad at you? Yeah.
Shopping, shoplifting.
Cheating at cards.
Calling off marriages.
Yeah, but, man, she She never said anything like that to me, though.
She just got up and left without saying a word.
- Do you know what I mean? - Right.
'Cause we're in a fight.
But I Anyway, this woman last night? She told me about some secret organization with designs on world domination? - You know about that? - Yeah.
Sure, which one? Is it Z.
O.
G.
? Rosicrucians, Reptilians? Secret society of alien lizards.
They impersonate celebrities in an attempt to take over the planet through popular culture.
- Is that it? - No.
Right.
[Clears throat.]
The one I was told about, the guys were wearing white suits.
Yeah? They drive white vans.
Maybe some sort of religious organization? White suits.
I don't know about that, Padre.
It sounds pretty fake to me.
Hmm.
White vans.
[Van door opens, closes.]
In position.
[Indistinct conversations.]
We're living under a bridge, and I work three jobs just to keep a tarp over our heads.
I used to go to prostitutes.
Now, I am one.
Oh, I thought things couldn't get worse than a Category Five hurricane but for me, Katrina was the beginning Oh, my Oh my god.
J-J-Jesse! Jess! Jesse: What is it? Jesse, come and have a look! Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick! It's bloody God from your church.
Look.
See? lost my insurance and now I'm mentally ill.
- It's the guy from the church.
- But no matter the tragedy, I still believe that people are good, and that's what helps me sleep at night.
[Urinating.]
[Zipper zips.]
How do you sleep at night? Hi, I'm Frankie Muniz.
I'm not homeless, and neither are they.
We're all actors.
Frankie Muniz.
Huge talent.
So when it comes time to give what do we say? Together: Don't forget! Fake God.
He's an actor.
Fake God is a local actor.
Huh? [Doors open.]
[Keys jingle.]
Janitor: It's only this block that's on the fritz, right? That's correct.
Bulb's almost brand-new, so that can't be it.
It has to be electrical.
Could be mechanical.
Could be the fan.
Could be a lot of things.
Did you leave the room right now? Uh, no.
[Metal clanking.]
This going to take a while? Maybe a full reset.
Come with me.
Jesse: This actor could answer lots of questions.
Cassidy: Like what? Like, why'd they hire him? Does he look like God? Does he act like God? Maybe God hired him.
Alright.
[Doorbell buzzes.]
- Hello? - Hi.
We looked online.
Y-You represent an actor here? A "Mark Hair-lik"? "Ha-relic"? From the Katrina commercials? Receptionist: Harelik.
Do you have an appointment? - Nope.
- [Sighs.]
alright.
Coming.
[Clears throat.]
[Birds chirping.]
Hey guys! How you been? [Cards dealing.]
Hey, Jimmy, you still playing with this guy? He will rob you blind [Chuckles.]
[Cards dealing.]
Mmm.
Something smells good.
Pete, Nick please.
I know I messed up big-time We need more salt.
There's still no word from Tulip? That's weird, isn't it? Hm.
You're not worried.
That's good.
Why would I be worried? Well, if I had a girl like Tulip I'd be worried day and night, man.
If you had a girl like Tulip you'd be wasting your time.
If there's one thing Tulip O'Hare can do, it's look after herself.
- Hey, guys.
Teddy Gunth.
- Yep.
Sorry about the wait.
It's pilot season so crazy busy, but how can I be of help to you? You represent a Mark Harelik? I do.
Huge talent.
Tell me what exactly are you looking for? We're looking for Mark Harelik.
We have a few questions for him.
Right, right.
Okay, so, I'm hearing tall Jewish right, maybe kinda soulful.
You guys definitely came to the right place.
Um, let me ask you something.
Does it have to be European white or can it be maybe Hispanic? And the only reason why I ask this, right, is because I just signed this Cuban guy.
D So good.
No, no, just tell us where he is.
See, it doesn't really work that way, boss.
You want access to a Teddy Gunth client gotta go through Teddy Gunth.
Now what is this project? It's "Game of Thrones.
" ["Game of Thrones" style music plays.]
And are we talking guest star or something larger? It's reoccurring.
But there's a chance he'll get up to series regular if he's good-like.
You know what I mean? I want premium cable rate.
- $15,000 per episode.
- Done.
And per diem, plus round trip airfare, first class.
Business.
Nice try.
This is HBO.
No one's made of money, Gunth, alright? Even Dinklage flies business.
Christ.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Done.
- Excellente, Gunth.
Alright.
Now, we need to arrange a costume fitting immediately.
Where the hell is he? - [Chuckles.]
- Who? Harelik? - Mm-hmm.
- No idea.
What on earth do you mean, Gunth? Hold on.
Hold on.
Let me show you this Cuban guy We don't want the Cuban guy, Gunth! - I get that - We don't want him.
We want Harelik, or there's no deal here, alright? I don't know where he is.
Oh, for God's sake.
He's ridiculous, this man.
I got him this gig.
Moment he got it, never heard from him again.
The Katrina commercial? No.
No, no, no.
That was over a year ago.
This was, uh This was some out of town understudy thing for some larger than life type character, like, um Like a mob boss or an emperor or something.
Or God.
Yeah, that was it.
It was God.
And who hired him? Who was behind this? Who knows? Voices on a phone, right? - Ah.
- Great.
I'll tell you this much, though Snooty freakin' bastards.
'Cause I remember, I told 'em to send me his audition tape 'cause I wanted it for, like, his actor reel, right? They told me to pound sand.
Yeah.
Teddy Gunth! So I told them, "You listen to me right now.
You send me his goddamn audition tape right now, or I'm gonna have Screen Actors Guild on you so fast, your shoes are gonna curl.
" And believe me, that got their attention.
They sent it to you, this tape? - Yeah.
- What's on it? Are you crazy? I didn't watch it.
Have you ever seen an actor's audition? Nobody watches them.
This is a waste of time.
It's ridiculous.
It's making me furious.
HBO's gonna hear about this, Gunth! - I tell you what - This tape? Do you have a copy? Mannering: What do you mean he's gone? How could that happen? Who let him out? Well someone better find him or we'll have to answer to you know who.
[Sighs.]
Jesus.
You're new, so here's a little background.
When this place was initially conceived and constructed, no one had any idea the kind of numbers we'd be getting.
Obviously we have issues of overcrowding, we're underfunded, and sometimes the machine breaks down.
We'll have you back to your hell soon enough.
Until then, I'm gonna put you in holding with the others.
And this is what you need to consider Lots of first timers, they get very excited when their hells break down.
"Oh, let's take a break, put our feet up, it's vacation time.
" You know what I do with them? No ma'am.
I put them in the hole.
You think your worst memory is bad? You think that's torture? We can make it worse.
One more thing.
I've been reviewing your hell.
[Projector whirring.]
You seem like a nice young man.
Sweet.
Kind.
Loyal.
Thank you.
That kind of behavior will not be tolerated here.
Do you understand? Yesh ma'am.
This is Hell: act accordingly.
We will be watching.
Hey Allie.
[Chuckles.]
How you doing? You got so big, huh? Those bracelets are pretty.
You make them? [Spits.]
I hope my father kills you.
Um Mark Harelik.
Six-two.
Gunth Management.
[Chuckles.]
[Sighs.]
Man: When you're ready.
Okay.
Um Let me just ask Uh, is is there Who am I talking to in this scene? 'Cause it's not it's not quite clear from the script.
Could be the heavenly host or different angels calling up from Earth.
Your goal is to reassure the faithful, et cetera.
Okay.
alright.
Alright.
Got it.
[Clears throat.]
[Trills lips.]
Hahhhhhh.
[Sighs.]
Okay.
Who are you? I am the alpha and the omega Could I start one more time, please? That I didn't Sure.
Go ahead.
[Inhales sharply, clears throat.]
I am the alpha and the omega, and the bright morning star.
I am the Lord, your God.
My children, why have you called me? That was great.
[Sighs heavily.]
Can we move on to the other scenes? [Indistinct whispering.]
Let's try the Empathy With Sufferers scene.
Empathy With Sufferers.
Right.
[Sniffs sharply.]
The Lord your God has heard your lamentations, your wailing Rest well, my child.
Your suffering is my suffering.
I shall soothe your pain and dry your tears.
[Sniffles.]
[Crying.]
Your suffering is my suffering.
That just kills me.
Cassidy: He's pretty good.
Hold on.
And finally: your, uh, last scene? Scary Prophecy.
Whenever you're ready.
Hear me! Hear me and tremble and know the signs of the world to come! Look for the changes, for things impossible.
The dying land, the falling sky, the beasts of the field thrown into confusion.
Look for the days to shorten, look for the darkness to grow and look for the wicked to know my wrath! Excellent, thank you.
[Breathing heavily.]
I pushed that last part.
Don't you think? I mean, i-it's not as scary if He's trying to be scary.
You know You know what I'm saying? I agree with that.
There's no out-date.
Yes.
Yes.
And you're okay with that? Well, I Gosh, I've been thinking about this for a a long time.
Obviously, it's a It's a big commitment.
But, uh [chuckles.]
it's the role of a lifetime.
In that case, congratulations.
You've got the part.
- Yes! [Laughs.]
- [Gunshot.]
- Aah! - Ooh.
Holy shite! They killed him! They had to.
Only way to get him to Heaven.
Alright, so God's an expert crier and He yells a lot.
Well, we kinda knew that already.
Weird though, right? Well, if it isn't weird then they changed the definition while I wasn't bloody looking.
No, no.
We're here.
Fake God was from here.
And other people are looking for God here? - Yeah.
- That's weird.
Right.
I vote we call it a day.
Let's ring Tulip, see what she's up to.
I feel like I'm missing something Something really obvious.
I'm sure you are.
[Dramatic music plays.]
Looking for a gun, huh? In the ol' gun safe maybe? Yeah we changed the combo a month ago.
[Grunting.]
Tulip: Hey, Marte.
[Gun cocks.]
Let me go.
No.
Let me go, Viktor, or I swear to God, I will blow your brains out.
Yeah? So do it.
Come on.
Now's your chance.
Do it.
[Men grunting.]
Alright, alright.
That's enough.
[Men groaning.]
Want me to have a crack at her, boss? No thank you, Pat.
Leave her to me.
[Inhales, exhales sharply.]
[Cellphone vibrates, chimes.]
[Door opens.]
[Indistinct conversations.]
Show me your saggies.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Come on show me just just one time.
- Hey! - [Grunting.]
[Imitates grunting.]
Speak English.
English! What is wrong with you? Hitler: Hello.
[Laughter.]
How was your chat with Superintendent Mannering? Fine.
Fine, was it? Ja.
Good.
What is the use of a puzzle book if all the answers are filled in? But I suppose that is exactly their point, then, isn't it? "No rest for the wicked.
" You don't seem that bad.
Anymore.
At least to me.
I mean are you? Am I what, Eugene? Bad? Tyler: Hey, look! It's New Guy! And he brought his anal face! [Laughter.]
What you guys doin'? Just talkin', catchin' up? Tyler.
What? I like talking.
He can talk to me too.
Say something, like, um, um [Fingers snap.]
spaghetti.
Er, no, no, no, no.
No, Mississippi! [Laughing.]
S Say Mississippi.
[Laughter.]
Come on ass face, say Mississippi.
Say it.
Stop! Yeah? Or what? Uh Just don't.
What happened to you, Hitler? You used to be Hitler.
I mean, what happened to the Blitzkrieg and the Sieg Heils?! Remember Sieg Heil? Sieg Heil! - Nein.
- [Grunts.]
[Chuckles.]
Please, Tyler.
Viol [Grunts.]
[Laughter.]
Down goes Hitler! Down goes Hitler! [Laughter.]
Come on, who else wants a piece of some fascist ass?! [All chanting "Sieg Heil".]
Hey.
Hey! Wait! [Breathing heavily.]
Sieg Heil! [All chanting "Sieg Heil".]
Mark: a long time.
Obviously, it's a It's a big commitment.
Alright, Jess, can we just Jess.
Man: In that case, congratulations.
You've got the part.
- Yes! [Laughs.]
- [Gunshot.]
There.
See?! Corner of the screen, you can just make out a hand.
- Jess - If I could just magnify that, I could find out whose hand it is.
Jesse.
Jess.
Jess! What? What is it? I-I think Tulip's in trouble.
I-I don't know.
What? Bollocks.
I wasn't supposed to say, alright? - Supposed to say what? - I've been hinting all day long, and you just you haven't been listening.
You haven't been picking up on it.
Okay, well, I'm picking up on it now.
What are you talking about? Sh-Sh-She told me She told me she could handle it and under no circumstances am I to tell you, so I Where is she? Padre, I want to tell you, but she made me promise that I Where is she?! My problem is, I went crazy in high school, tried everything I could get my hands on.
Gel, mousse, powder.
I think my follicles They just gave up.
That's a real thing.
Follicles they They give up.
- Can I help you? - This Viktor Kruglov's place? This is private property, pal.
Get lost.
[Echoing.]
Open the gate.
Sit down.
Don't move.
Where's Tulip? Together: I don't know.
Nobody move.
[Clatter in distance.]
[Floorboard creaks.]
It happens sometimes.
Heart gives out.
[Echoing.]
It's an art, not a science.
Pat: You're awake.
Good.
I don't know what you did to the guys out there.
But I am definitely curious.
[Metal clanking.]
Choices.
Hardest part of the job.
- [Cellphone beeps.]
- [Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" plays.]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Alright, let's get to the bottom of things [Echoing.]
Stop! She's been living in her uptown world Stop! I bet she's never had a backstreet guy - I bet her mama never told her why - [Grunting.]
I'm gonna try for an uptown girl Uptown girl She's been living in her white-bread world White-bread world As long as anyone with hot blood can Hot blood can And now she's looking for a downtown man Downtown man That's what I am And when she knows what she wants from her ti-i-ime And when she wakes up and makes up her mi-i-ind She'll see I'm not so tough Just because I'm in love with an uptown girl Uptown girl You know I've seen her in her uptown world Uptown world She's getting tired of her high-class toys High-class toys And all her presents from her uptown boys - [Electricity zapping.]
- [Grunting.]
She's got a choice Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Uptown girl You know I can't afford to buy her pearls But maybe someday when my ship comes in She'll understand what kind of guy I've been I've been And then I'll win And when she's walking, she's looking so fi-i-ine And when she's talking, she'll say that she's mi-i-ine She'll say I'm not so tough Just because [Echoing.]
Where is she? Bedroom.
[Music continues.]
[Earbud clatters.]
[Ominous music plays.]
- Jesse.
- Who the hell Ugh! Jesse! [Gasping.]
[Normal voice.]
It's okay.
Tulip: Jesse don't! Jesse! Jesse, you can't kill him.
He's my husband.
[Dramatic music plays.]
[Footsteps approaching.]