Preacher (2016) s04e03 Episode Script


1 Eternity.
Imagine a place where perfection is timeless, where wisdom meets beauty romance meets revelation every time is like the first time except you look even better.
What's your secret? I'll never tell.
Neither will we.
Toscani's face cream.
Aging doesn't have to be torture.
Herr Starr, he wanted to put you in the sun to burn, but I said no.
I said, "Let me take care of him.
'Cause this guy is special.
This guy" "deserves a forever home.
" Oh, hey.
You're gonna love Bensonhurst.
Freak! Go back to the circus! God's gone.
What the Can I help you? Oh, my.
A preacher.
There's a kid upstairs.
- At the window.
He seems pretty scared.
- Mm.
Nothing more deliciously winsome than a fearful child.
Which is why he's booked through the week.
I was hoping you weren't gonna say something like that.
But then, you did.
We're over here.
Come join us.
Lee to the infirmary.
I know it's not Christian of me but I hope they hang that preacher when they catch him.
He's gone.
Luckily, you're fine.
A few contusions, scrapes, and bumps, but no broken bones, no hemorrhaging.
Okay, good.
Never been a big hemorrhager.
So, back to work.
Got this co-worker can't find his ass without me holding the flashlight.
Love the dedication.
We'll have you outta here in no time.
You said I was fine.
On the outside.
But before you go, I'd like to run a psychological test just to make sure there aren't any deeper, unseen traumas we may have missed.
That be okay? Man, that sounds oh, mm.
What time is it? It's, uh, 20 after 5:00.
Oh, flip.
My shift starts at 5:30.
- Gimme a rain check? - I'm sorry.
I can't release you without it.
Hey, doc? You've touched my shoulder twice now, and I'm fine.
I think you need to just relax and lie back down.
Aah! I said don't touch me! Ow! Bitch.
Nobody touches me.
Aah! Here you go, doc.
I got it now.
I've worked with guys like you before.
Screw-ups, meatheads.
The repeat clients.
Guys who couldn't get outta their own way.
You know, they piss and moan about being "unlucky" or some shit, but it ain't luck that keeps 'em comin' back.
It's guilt.
For some reason, they think they deserve it.
So, here we are, lost in thought, plotting our next move, scheming our bloody revenge.
He's sick, sadistic, cruel.
Even by Brooklyn standards.
We can only imagine the upbringing that would produce such a rough-handed hooligan as that man.
We won't be happy until he's dying, gutted and gasping at our feet.
Right? So, what's the plan? What are we gonna do to get out of this one? Nothing.
We lie in wait.
We wait, poised patiently in the tall grass, and then, when the time's right, we pounce and slash and rip and feast! I mean, I'm not gonna do anything.
All right? Just let him take me.
That's boring.
I like our other plan better.
- And for you? - Whiskey.
No whiskey.
- What? - This is a family establishment.
Chicken meat shakes is one thing, but if you want whiskey on top of it, you boys best keep movin' on.
Order up! Say you're mine Please Say you're mine He sent me to Hell.
No? No.
What do you have in mind that would suit him better? Mm.
Someone comes along, kills your family, ruins your life, sends you to Hell? In my book, an apology don't beat a bullet to the brain.
Well, we'll see what God's plan is for that.
You start dancin' and a-singin' a song Your heart feels lighter, and all the day long You got a sweet, sweet love and that was the last time she wore a bikini at breakfast, believe me! Anyway You ever see "Hoosiers"? The film about the white boys that almost win the basketball tournament? Remember what got you here.
Focus on the fundamentals that we've gone over time and time again.
If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don't care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book, we're gonna be winners! Okay?! Or not.
So, Bensonhurst.
Named after Egbert himself.
Great man, if you like bastards.
Cannoli City.
The Jewel of 18th Avenue.
I can smell the Italians already and the Chinamen.
We're one lucky dog.
Bensonhurst sucks.
Then why are we going? 'Cause I got nowhere else to go.
Nowhere else I deserve to go.
I'm sensing backstory.
Sod off! How am I How am I supposed to get any place with you lot acting You're all grown now, Proinsias.
No more messin' around.
The Brotherhood is countin' on you.
Send those British wankers home.
Oh, I will, sir.
I will.
Good lad.
Make the Cassidys proud.
I'm gonna make all of Ireland proud.
You're gonna see that.
Grammy B.
Well, I'll be keepin' your Easter supper warm for when you come home to me.
Only if Da don't fleece it first.
If he so much as lays a hand on it, I'll box his ears.
I know you will, Grammy B.
I know.
That'll be Billy.
He's come to collect me.
Hey, there, Billy! Heya, Proinsias.
Hello, Mrs.
Well, you boys take care of each other.
Oh, we will.
Those lord muck Brits are messin' with the wrong blokes.
Isn't that right, there, Billy? We ought to get crackin'.
You'll come home safe to us.
The angels will be watching over ya.
- Good luck to you, Proinsias.
- Farewell.
- Make us proud, Proinsias.
- Oh, we will! Farewell, my boy.
- Aah! - Onward! Shoot them all on sight! The time has come to answer the call.
To strike a blow against our oppressor and proclaim an Irish Republic! Because of our deaths, we will live on forever in the minds of our people! And our blood will flow in buckets to quench their thirst for justice! - Yeah! - Yeah! It's all right, Billy.
He's just bein' inspirational.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go! You sure about this, Proinsias? Yeah, sure I am.
Let's make 'em proud, Billy, huh? Lookee here.
A survivor.
Hardy stock these Irish, no? Tough to kill, Sarge.
All we can do is do our best.
About the Irish, you know.
They're so desperate for anything.
Those Irish scum are going to pay for interrupting my Easter whoring.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! In the end, I just thought it's better they think I'm dead, you know? Instead of seeing what I'd become.
I turned my back on a friend in need.
And I got what I deserved, you know? I don't blame you angel types for givin' up on me.
Just another Irishman feelin' sorry for himself.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
We were touched.
So, fare thee well, my own true love When I return, united we will be It's not the leaving of Liverpool That grieves me But my darling when I think of thee The angels will be watching over you.
Dear Tulip I imagine you're pretty pissed about me takin' off in the middle of the night without sayin' a word.
But sometimes a letter is best, 'cause when you write it down, it's kind of forever.
And the forever thing I wanted to say to you is that I think you're a stupid, cheatin', lyin' bitch.
Bad dream? EKG tech to the infirmary.
EKG tech to the infirmary.
You ever see that movie where the girl's head spun around and she puked on everyone? "The Exorcist"? "The Exorcist," yeah.
They tied her to a bed, too.
She was possessed by a demon.
- They had to take precautions.
- Yeah.
Didn't do 'em any good.
In the end, he still threw that old do-goody priest out the window.
You suffered a head trauma.
A post-accident psych eval is Grail policy.
Come on, doc.
Listen to yourself.
We didn't join The Grail to "follow policy.
" We're here to to run things, get our own way, beat down unbelievers.
Actually, I joined up to help people.
Those in pain, especially.
And what're you gonna do? It's an associative test that uses subjective interpretation and complex algorithms to examine a person's emotional functioning and detect thought disorders.
Goddamn! Okay? Good.
Now let's see what's going on in that head of yours.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh.
Now say, "Golly gee, it's a scorcher!" Come on, kid.
Let's go.
My hour isn't up yet.
Yeah, it is.
They didn't fit anyway.
You okay? You're the one that looks jacked.
Yeah, well, some crazy witch just blew smoke in my face, so Got to get you outta this place.
Nah, I'm good.
No, you're not "good.
" You're just a kid.
A kid making 35 bucks an hour in a third-world country.
Trust me, bro, you're the one with the problem.
Let's go.
Told ya you had a problem.
Stay here.
Aah! I think you broke my nose.
What kind of preacher are you? Forget what you saw in there.
I forgot my pants.
You don't need 'em.
It'll just take a minute.
You don't need pants.
We're going to the airport, and I don't need pants.
"and all of this unspeakable horror is the work of one murderous Preacher.
" Your linguistic skills are impressive.
Thank you, sir.
Perhaps a bit more hyperbole? Something along the lines of "evil incarnate.
" Very good, sir.
May I ask you something? That's what I'm here for, sir.
What is your impression of me? Cunning, resilient, pitiless.
Yes, yes.
Have to be in this line of work.
Of course.
And also attractive, as well? Sir? Despite my long and colorful history of mutilations, I remain attractive.
Beautiful, even.
Don't you agree? No.
I do not.
I see.
Not that beauty is all that important - in the overall scheme of things.
- No.
I have no doubt efficiency, honor, and moral clarity are of greater value.
But beauty is beauty.
And ugly isn't.
Success, sir.
Figured it out.
Yes? Have you found the Christ Child? Uh, no, sir, not him but her.
It was all a diversion.
Bitch made us look one way, then slithered past.
Classic wig and suit Trojan horse.
What is she talking about? I think she's hysterical.
Who the hell are you? This is the new Hoover.
I call him "Hoover Two.
" And we're working.
So kindly wrap up the hysterics and make your point.
Tulip O'Hare.
She's in Masada.
Blood from an exit wound, 44 caliber.
I would say blood again, but from stabbin'.
My second foster father's brain pieces after being hit with a softball bat.
Hmm, not brains or blood.
Maybe like guts sprayed like silly string across a refrigerator.
And a little brains and blood.
- What? - Oh, no, nothing.
Let me just tabulate my notes.
I failed, didn't I? There's no such thing as failing.
How'd I do? The test results, uh, indicate that you're an "uninhibited deviant with a personality disorder prone to psychopathic outbursts and a gun fetish.
" And unresolved abandonment issues.
Well, then, uh It sounds, um about right, I guess.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Some people just can't be helped.
BOTH: The man that drinks the small beer Goes to bed quite sober The man that drinks the small beer Goes to bed quite sober Fades as the leaves do fade Fades as the leaves do fade Fades as the leaves do fade That drop off in October Ah, Ireland - A terrible thing of beauty she is.
- Mm.
With her wet corners and rushy bottoms.
- I miss her something awful.
- Alas.
Plenty of Irish in Brooklyn, last I heard.
Plenty of Irish in Brooklyn Hey, in there.
Uh, d What? Yeah, buddy, I don't understand what yer saying.
Just put your mouth to the hole.
What? Dude, just put your mouth to the hole.
Uh Whoa! Slow down there, big guy.
I said put your mouth to the hole.
Whatever happened to foreplay? Freeze! Hands up, perverts! Sex detectives! Face on the floor, freak! You only want me When you're lonely You only need me What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Back to the orphanage.
You only want me, when you're crying You only want me then You only miss me When you're blue, dear It's then and then only then But someday Think you could move over a little? Tryin' to drive here.
Thanks, pal.
That's This is the final boarding call for Athens, flight EZ975.
Flight EZ975.
Sorry, sir.
You're not I'm allowed to smoke in here.
- You're allowed to smoke in here.
- Mm.
Disgusting habit.
Und a waste of your power.
At the very least, you could've made her refill the cashews.
Allow me to introduce myself.
- I am - I know who you are.
Not many mustaches like that around anymore.
Ja, I noticed this.
It will be fashionable again, I'm sure.
What do you want? I'm in town for a conference, and I heard you were here, so I thought it would be nice to stop und say hello.
Und to tell you that there is nothing I would like more, Preacher Custer, than for you to join me in Hell.
Satan is dead.
I am in charge now.
Pretty cool, ja? Yeah.
Your parents must be real proud of you.
Oh, they are.
When I'm not having them flayed alive with knotted whips.
I can't wait for you to hear my plans, see all the changes I am making.
I ain't going to Hell.
After what you have done? - Oh, you are coming, sooner or later.
- Yeah.
Well, we'll see about that.
After you talk to God? You are not going to talk to God because you're not going to get to God.
He will never let you get to him.
"Let me"? Do you know what I can do? What I have? I know you have a great power.
Get on your knees.
Not only a "great" power.
I have the greatest power in the universe.
Put your hands around your throat and squeeze.
"Let me"? No one "lets" me do shit.
I'm going to talk to Him.
Preacher? I will see you later, ja? Of course.
Where is she? I released her.
She's a goddamn lunatic.
There's no cure for that.
So, where's the vampire? Cass? I know.
I miss him already.
Where'd he go? Bensonhurst.
Lucky bastard.
Tell it to God.
It's His plan.
All this unspeakable horror is the work of one murderous man.
Now there's a worldwide manhunt for a man called Preacher Custer who people here believe is evil incarnate.
This is your captain speaking.
Looks like we've hit a little patch of something.
Please fasten your seatbelts and try to remain calm.
Didn't even say goodbye.
Oh, shit.