Private Eyes (2015) s03e07 Episode Script

Dance Dance Retribution

1 (MATT SHADE): It's a dance competition show called Ballroom Smash.
Becca is the host - [and executive producer.
- What happened to her morning show? Well, that's still going on.
This show is just a one-off special.
But if it goes well, Becca says the network might make it a regular event.
So why does she want us there? [All she would say was.]
it's urgent.
But fair warning, Becca might just want to show off her new gig.
Haha! OK.
Well, I'll be there in five minutes.
- Can you grab me a - [Double-double, .]
- [way ahead of you.
- Here you go, sir.
Liam! What are you doing here? I hired the kid.
As of yesterday.
Looks like we're gonna be seeing a lot of each other now, sir.
Hahahaha! City of millions, you hired Liam?! What can I tell you? I needed the help.
Kid's a great worker.
Customers love him.
- And not just her.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) I'm gonna start going to Starbucks.
- (UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC) - Three, four, five, six, seven! One, three, five, seven, eight, one! Ready set go We don't stop until we're done (MATT): Becca pitched this show to the networks three months ago.
Celebrities paired up with professional dancers one night only.
Is that Brody Diamond? I had such a crush on that guy.
(MATT): I didn't know you were into country music.
Who said anything about his music? OK.
So, he's one of the contestants, - who are the others? - We have tennis pro Jordan Pallister, uhh stand-up comic Selena Louise and Veronica Valor.
No way! Veronica Valor from Rugged Landscapes? The daytime soap? It's been on the air for 30 years.
- It's Don's thing.
- Sure.
- Stop! Stop! Stop! - (BUZZING) - Eddie! - I know, I saw it! It's the wrong lighting cue.
It goes group opening number, then individual performances.
And where is Kelly? Did he get the phones working yet? How are people supposed to call in and vote if they can't call in? (SIGHING) Shade! Oh, Angie! Thank God! Becca! You seem stressed.
Stressed? Ha! Why? Oh, is it because we go live in less than 72 hours and people keep asking me where the judges sit?! There are no judges on this show.
So, how can we help? I need you guys to investigate some incidents.
- Could you be more specific? - Key wardrobe went missing, one of the dressing rooms' flooded, and yesterday a light set a curtain on fire.
Sounds like you need a closet, a plumber and an electrician.
- Hmm - These are not accidents.
Someone is trying to ruin this show and tank my big shot.
Becca, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the fact that you tend to overdramatize things - when you get stressed.
- What he's trying to say is it's all in your head.
(PEOPLE GASPING) (MAN): Clear the stage! Clear the stage! Clear the stage! (OMINOUS MUSIC) I'm sorry, you were saying? I see you and you see me Watch you blowing the lines when you're making a scene Oh boy, you've got to know What my head overlooks The senses will show to my heart When it's watching for lies 'Cause you can't escape my Private eyes They're watching you Private eyes They're watching you, watching you Watching you, watching you - OK, everyone, calm down! - It's all gonna be good.
- All good? Every day, it's something new at this place.
I mean, how can we be expected to perform under circumstances like this? Yeah, we're going to look like idiots - in front of millions of people.
- Assuming we make it that far.
OK, guys, please.
We will get to the bottom of this.
Why don't you all just go back to your dressing rooms and we will call you in a few minutes, OK? Thank you.
OK, this is really weird.
Those were just put up this morning.
You know, maybe the wiring's faulty.
There's nothing wrong with the wiring, Shadow.
You guys need to look into this.
Alright, we'll look into it.
Oh, but keep a low profile, OK? No one can know why you're here.
Everyone's already freaked out - enough about this damn curse.
- "Curse"? Some stupid ghost story.
I heard some of the crew talking.
Something about an actor who died here.
WOMAN: [Grover Newell.
He performed Hamlet.]
[at the Bellecroft over a hundred years ago.
- (ZOE COUGHING) - Zoe, you sound terrible.
I'm fine.
I've been taking cold medicine.
I also swallowed some garlic, and I have raw onions [wrapped around my neck.
All good things.
[So, opening night.]
[during the "To be or not to be" speech, .]
he freezes up so badly the audiences breaks out into hysterics.
After the show, he hung himself in the theatre.
- Charming.
- [To even speak his name, .]
is to invite death and destruction - [upon your head.
- Death and destruction? Haha! Don't mock what you don't understand.
I think we'll stick to human suspects.
Thanks, Zoe.
Get some rest.
[Well, fine.
If you're gonna go down that route, .]
- my money's on Jeffrey Sanders.
- [Jeffrey Sanders, .]
the weatherman at Becca's network? Don't you ever read FameChatter? Showbiz insider dirt.
Sent you an article.
(CELL PHONE CHIME) "Meteorological Meltdown: Stormchaser Loses Bid for Hogtown Hoofer Hijinks.
" Oh! Well, that explains everything.
[The network was developing Ballroom Smash with an eye.]
on Jeffrey Sanders for hosting, but at the last minute, they switched gears and gave the show to Becca.
Which means clear skies all weekend long.
And that a Jeffrey Sanders promise.
Back to you, Marissa.
Aren't you worried your face is gonna stay like that? Let me guess, you're here about Becca.
Come on, Jeffrey, it was all over the news.
You wanted to be the host of Ballroom Smash.
Live dance competition with you as the host, that's - a step up from weatherman.
- Oh, I admit it would have been a feather in my chapeau, but I'm over it now.
I wished dear Beckster all the luck in the world.
FameChatter said you threatened to sue the network.
Of course they did.
They're all about the clickbait.
- So you're not upset? - Oh, on the contrary.
It is my fondest desire that Ballroom Smash is a smashing success, catapulting Becca's career - into the stratosphere.
- In which case, she'll be too busy for her morning show.
And the station will need to hire a new host for Breakfast with Becca.
Sunrise with Sanders anyone? So please, pass along my best wishes.
Oh! And, uh on the QT, let her know that the new network head is not too happy about the recent cost overruns.
You're saying Ballroom Smash is over budget? Between the contestant demands, the production setbacks and Becca's nonstop tweaking, it is the perfect storm.
And Beckster is sitting right in the path of the hurricane.
Shadow! Great to finally meet you! Steve Sato, head of programming.
Ha! Is this what they mean by ergonomic? It's another brainstorm from the old regime.
But that's all changing now.
This is a workplace, not a playground.
Oh, sounds like you got - a lot of changes in the works.
- Latest news from FameChatter is that you're axing all your predecessor's - TV series.
- It's time for a fresh start.
I have a vision for this network and Wave your arms.
Motion sensors.
Part of our green-building initiative.
And what about Ballroom Smash? - Is that part of your new vision? - Absolutely.
Why? - We heard about your recent series of setbacks: budget overages Every show goes through growing pains.
Between you and me, we've sunk so much money into this thing; if it were to fail now, I'd be out the door faster than you can say forced hiatus.
Hahaha! (PHONE RINGING) Steve Sato.
WOMAN: [Jordan Pallister's agent is here for you.
Park him at the rooftop juicery, my usual table by the living wall.
"Jordan Pallister," isn't he a contestant on Ballroom Smash? For now.
His agent's trying to break our contract.
Apparently, he's got a new endorsement for a German tennis racket.
What does that have to do with Ballroom Smash? His people are worried that a dance show is gonna diminish his street cred, put the deal at risk.
Too bad, we've got him locked in.
- Whether he likes it or not.
- Like I said, this is business, and no one's gonna stand in my way of my plans for this network.
I hate this building.
- - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, sweetie! Hahaha! Mwah! We're not here to fraternize with the staff? Labour law say he gets two 15-minute breaks and a half-hour for lunch.
- Oh! Well, OK then.
- (INDISTINCT SONG IN BACKGROUND) Hey! What a great surprise! Uh, yeah, I actually need to talk to you.
I know you want to see a movie tomorrow, but can I get a rain cheque? Justine asked - if I could help her study.
- Yeah, no problem.
Your grandfather asked if I could work a double anyway.
He wants me to learn how to make something called, um, Fort Huron gumbo.
It's a 200-year-old recipe with an incredible story behind it.
I'll tell you about it.
Just hang on, I'll be right back.
Incredible the first 10 times you hear it.
- See you tonight? - Yeah, absolutely.
- Bye.
- Bye.
(PASO DOBLE MUSIC) You really think Jordan is the one behind all these incidents? He's afraid he'll jeopardize his lucrative German endorsement deal if he sticks around.
And since the network isn't giving him an inch He's taking matters into his own hands.
Well, if that glorified ping-pong player thinks he can tank my show just because he got a higher-paying gig (PASO DOBLE MUSIC) (SNAPPING SOUND) - Look out! - Oh! Oh! Look out! Ugh! Oh, my leg! Get the set EMT down here right away! - Oh, my God! Are you OK? - I think I broke my leg.
There goes our prime suspect.
(MAN): Hurry up! Come on over here! Lift! - OK, don't move.
- (MAN): On three, lift.
(SHADE): OK, he's clear.
Throw that sandbag underneath it.
Shade? - Got something? - It's a clean cut.
- This rope's been scored.
- Yeah, this was no accident.
Whoever's behind this, they're stepping up their game.
Hey! Hey.
How did it go? Better than I thought.
I mean, I fully expected them to cancel the show entirely, Luckily, Steve was there to back me up.
So what are they gonna do? Postpone it a week? No, we're still going live in 48 hours.
With only three contestants? I thought Jordan was out.
Oh yeah, he is.
The hospital called - to confirm he broke his leg.
- Hmm.
But the good news is I managed to convince the network that we have a very strong substitute.
- You can't be serious.
- You were always a great mover on the ice, Shade.
- No.
Absolutely no way! - But Jordan was a tennis player, you were a hockey player.
Same same.
Besides the fact that that is entirely untrue, you're forgetting the fact that I cannot dance! You'll be fine! You're paired with Raven, and she's the best.
And besides, nobody expects the celebrities to be any good.
I'm also not into public humiliation.
Since when? Come on, Shade, this is the only way I could get them to not cancel the show.
And look, this way, you could be on the inside.
You know, you could be my eyes and ears and Not selling it, Becca.
I'm sorry.
I know this means a lot to you, but every man has his limit, and mine is dancing.
- (ACOUSTIC GUITAR RIFF) - How do I look? You're trying not to laugh, aren't you? - (LAUGHING) - Oh, come on, this is serious! Please don't say, "This is serious" - wearing that outfit.
- Look, we have a case with no suspect and now, thanks to Becca, I am right in the line of fire.
In more ways than one.
Uh look, I've been thinking about this.
The missing wardrobe, the flood, the exploding light boxes; those were either nuisances or scare tactics, but this last one, that was a definite attack.
Do you think someone's trying to take out Jordan Pallister? It makes sense.
According to the show's website, he is the odds-on favourite to win the whole competition.
And with a half-a-million dollar cash prize on the line That's half a million reasons to take out the frontrunner.
Now, all we gotta do is get close enough to the other three contestants to figure out which one of them needs that 500K the most.
Actually, they all do.
Becca sent over some background information on the remaining three contestants.
Turns out that Brody Diamond has a bit of a spending problem.
Hasn't had a hit for a while.
And Veronica Valor is being written out of Rugged Landscapes.
What?! She That's terrible.
For her.
Um, what about Selena Louise, - the comedian? - No debts, but she's the least famous of the three.
She's actually got the most to gain by winning the prize.
- What's that? - What? That.
Oh, that's just something that Zoe e-mailed over here.
It's a picture of the Bellecroft Theatre's ghost.
And you put it on our case board because? I'm just trying to keep all our suspects alive.
- Haha! - Human suspects, Shade.
- And don't forget your cape.
- Hahahaha! Aaaah - Taxi! - (SLOW COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, Brody Diamond.
Matt Shade.
- Welcome to the Smash, partner.
- Hey, thanks.
Gallant move stepping up for the ex.
Ah, thanks.
I wish it was just - under better circumstances.
- Yeah, bummer about Jordan.
Sets falling, lights exploding; people are saying the show is cursed.
I'm keeping both eyes on the prize.
I hear you.
It's a lot of money at stake, and money makes people do - crazy things.
- Hey, you got no worries there.
My new single drops the day we go live.
- Ticket back to the big time.
- Hmm That sounds like you're back in the saddle.
You got that right.
I gotta admit I had a little debt scare there, but this new single's gonna take care of all of that - and more.
- (TONGUE CLICK) - (MAN): Who left this here? - You! - You've been avoiding me! - Ummm You know, enough talk.
Go get some workout gear on.
- Well, I-I thought we should - I have less than a day to turn a gorilla into a gazelle.
Get ready to sweat.
- Oh, whoa, wow! OK, sure.
- Yep, let go.
- (WOMAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY) - If I have to die for this, I will, but you're all going down with me.
- Uh hello? - Oh! You're reading a script.
Yes, it's, uh it's my lines for next week.
- Who are you? - I'm Angie from the network.
I I just heard that you were being written off Rugged Landscapes, - and I wanted to check in.
- Yeah.
Well, 22 years on their stupid show never a single day late, all the pathetic words I had to vomit out of my mouth, and my reward? I'm being killed off by my half-brother's twin - who turns out to be an alien.
- Wow! Well, I'm sure winning half a million dollars on this show would certainly help soften the blow.
Yeah, well, the charity I'm sponsoring wouldn't know what hit 'em.
- Charity? - Yeah, the Goodwell League.
They're a charity for endangered animals who aren't cute and cuddly.
Oh! Well, good luck.
Five, six, seven, eight.
We go one, two, three, four, five, six seven, eight.
Around! Step, throw, reach.
I'll come all the way over here, and then we'll go into the Widow's Leap, which will be our grand finale.
And if you mess this up by the tiniest margin, I will die, so Whoa, hold on.
Are you sure this is the smartest idea? No weakness.
You have to master it or we don't win.
Now, let's begin.
- Ready? - (SHADE): As I'll ever be.
- Oh! - Oh! - You're OK? - (RAVEN SIGHING) Matthew, you're better than this! Yeah, a jury's still out on that.
Oh, hey, could you give me a second? I don't wait.
We'll meet tonight, your place.
My place? 8 p.
Text me your address.
Well, she's tough, but you look pretty good.
Wow! Compliment from Angie Everett.
Have you talked to our sexy cowboy yet? Brody, really? Nah, he's not our guy.
His new single is about to drop making him flush again.
What about Veronica? Money's not a motive for her either.
She plans on donating her prize money to a bunch of hairless cats.
- Huh - Yeah.
- Well, that leaves Selena.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Matt Shade! Welcome to the suck! - Hahaha! Hey, Selena.
- Hi.
- This is Angie.
She's - From the network.
- I'm just popping by.
- Uh-oh! Did they send you to look into all the crap that's been going on around here.
- Were you here when the set fell? - What can I say? My mom always told me to avoid a crowd.
Besides, the best way to make an entrance is alone.
You don't know what's causing 'em, do you, the incidents? - (NERVOUS LAUGH) - Is that what you'd call them? I'm sure you've heard about our fab phantom.
- Grover - Don't say it! Sorry.
Haha! I just want to stay on the spooky guy's good side.
You know what I mean? When you're as uncoordinated as me, you need all the help you can get, so Of course.
Makes total sense.
Gustavo's waiting, I should get to it, so I don't know, she seems genuinely freaked out - by the whole ghost thing.
- Or it's a kickass - diversionary tactic.
- How are we gonna find out? There's a ton of cameras in this place, there's gotta be one that caught the saboteur in the act.
I'll check back in with you after you shower.
Excuse me, are you an editor? I prefer the term creative closer.
Oh! Whoa! Your cologne.
It's not 'cause I smoked weed.
I I wear cologne 'cause I like to smell nice, not 'cause I smoke weed.
OK, yeah.
Whatever the reason, I offer the same advice: a little goes a long way.
Anyhow, listen, I need to see footage from the set fall and the popping lights.
Are you nuts? I have no time for that.
I'm assembling new promos from scratch for air tonight.
- I'm sorry, what was your name? - Sami.
So when I call my boss from the network back, I'll just tell 'em Sami said it's a no go - on seeing footage.
- OK, OK.
Hahaha! Uh, what exactly do you need to see? We're looking for a ghost.
You shouldn't say that.
The curse of you know who is not something to be messed with at Bellecroft Theatre.
That one.
Hang on, I'll get a better angle.
- Oh, my God! - Is that Steve? Head of programming at the network.
This isn't sabotage at all; it's all part of the act.
(RETRO SOUL MUSIC PLAYING) There's a place for worry Ah, hey, kid.
What's up? Somebody dine and dash? Jules, uh she told me she was studying with her friend Justine tonight.
- OK, so what's with the face? - I just found a message.
Um, I think she butt-dialled me.
Uh, called me by accident, sir.
(LIAM SIGHING) Can I hear it? Yeah.
- (MAN): Having a good time? - (JULES): Definitely! - This is awesome! - (GIRL): Where's - your boyfriend tonight? - (JULES): I don't think it'd be into this.
His taste in music is a little vanilla.
- - What should I do? Well, I'm not sure it's my place to offer you advice, Liam.
But if it were, I think I'd give her a chance to come clean on her own.
- But please take my love - OK.
- - (ZOE): I don't get it.
[Why would Steve Sato sabotage his own network show?.]
Think about it.
He needed a hit to solidify his new position.
You've seen those reality TV shows, [what drives ratings more than anything.
- Drama and fighting.
- [Exactly.
So he uses the ghost story to scare up some tension, only he takes it too far and someone gets hurt.
Wait a minute, why are you still working on this case? [You're supposed to rest and get better.
I've been drinking this Cold Crusher tea, and it turns out it's jam-packed with amphetamines! [I have never been so productive in my life.
[I cleaned up my freezer, resorted the spice rack.
I've even started writing a novella.
- Oh, boy.
- [But first, .]
some more information on you know who.
Grover Newell? You can say his name, Zoe.
- "Beware the bare bodkin.
" - [Ha!.]
My dad gave me that same advice on prom night.
[It's from Hamlet.
It means dagger.
Twice over the past hundred years, a performer found a similar dagger in their dressing room at the Bellecroft, and both performers died during the run of the show.
- Fascinating.
- [I'm just warning you.
[Be careful.
Sato's leaving, I'm gonna follow him.
OK, OK! But remember what I told you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Beware the bare bodkin.
" (RAVEN): OK, hips forward.
Show me your frame.
Ready? Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four, and up! Ugh! You know what? This is ridiculous.
Jordan had 6 weeks to learn this routine; I've got less than 24 hours.
- Now, just focus on my eyes.
- OK.
- Which one? - Surrender to the dance.
Find the place where you can't hide.
Am I finding or am I hiding? You're not even trying.
I'm surprised you even want to continue.
Aren't you scared that someone is sabotaging - the show? - I'm too focused on winning; I'll be scared later.
What if that set fall wasn't an accident? Wasn't aimed at me.
I wasn't even supposed to be rehearsing.
Jordan and I got switched at the last minute.
- By who? - Uh Sato.
OK, enough talking.
Let go from the top.
(PHONE RINGING) I said, "No phones!" Uh, yeah.
You know what? I really gotta take this.
Just give me one second, OK? Hey.
I haven't heard from you in hours, are you OK? - [Where have you been?.]
- Oh, tailing our suspect.
- You see anything on the tape? - [Oddly enough, .]
the network guy, Steve.
[Maybe not so odd after all.
I just heard.]
that he's the one who changed the rehearsal schedule, so that Jordan and Raven were the ones on the stage when the set fell.
Well, I bet you can't guess where he went.
Bellecroft Theatre? If only you were that fast on your feet.
What's he doing there at this hour? He ain't here for the culture.
) - [Hey, you wouldn't be able.]
- [to tear yourself away from?.]
- I'll be right there.
Possible bad call.
- Oh, Shade.
I ran here as fast as I could.
Where is Steve? He went backstage.
Stay close.
A little jumpy, huh? Yeah.
Nothing like a spooky theatre in the dead of night to make you rethink the whole ghost angle.
You know, Grover Shhh! You're not supposed to say his name out loud in here, remember? He's the least of our worries, Shade.
Grover Newell, Grover Newell, Grover Newell.
Shake your body Shake your body - Let go - Look! Up there! - Did you see that? - I sure did.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) Whatever we see in here, we're gonna be OK, right? Yeah sure.
- Shadow! - Becca! Looks like he found another way to turn on the lights.
Haha! Ahem! I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Shadow.
I'm sure it was a bit of a shock - for you.
- Yeah, it was a bit of a shock.
Why didn't you just tell me? Because I wanted you to take the case.
And I didn't know how you'd feel about it.
Ah, Becca, if you're happy, I'm happy.
That's how I feel about it.
So, you were backstage when the set fall happened? Yeah, I was trying to help Becca.
Producing something this big can be overwhelming for a seasoned pro, let alone someone doing it the first time.
But then why did you switch dance pairs just moments before? I had to.
The contestant who was supposed to be rehearsing at that time insisted on it.
Which contestant? Steve's not the one behind the sabotage.
He would never do that to me.
I don't know, he's got a lot riding on this show - being a hit.
- And it will be.
He's been doing this a long time.
Hey, guys, we need to look into Selena Louise.
- Selena, why? - Five minutes before the set fell, she called me and said it was critical she switch rehearsal times.
Thanks for dragging me out of my hotel room during the 15 minutes allotted for sleeping on this show.
It's just a quick check for the network investigation.
- We really appreciate it.
- Oh yeah, I feel nothing but appreciation as you force me to let you search my dressing room.
Come on in.
Don't open the box that says "Murder plan.
" (GASPING) - "Beware the bare bodkin.
" - What does that mean? It means Selena's not the one behind the sabotage.
She's the target.
I always knew my unbridled sex appeal - might get me killed one day.
- Just out of curiosity, why did you insist on switching rehearsal times just before the set fall? Wardrobe malfunction.
I went to get it handled.
A dagger in your makeup chair is pretty specific.
You're obviously being targeted, Selena, any idea why? I'm a comic.
I make fun of people for a living.
Why are you asking all these questions? You're not really from the network, are you? We're private investigators.
We've been hired to look into these attacks.
And until we can figure out who's behind them, we can't protect you.
We strongly suggest that you don't go on tomorrow.
Screw that noise! I dance tomorrow, I could win half a million bucks! That's freedom! You should take the dagger as a very serious threat.
Look, I'm not gonna let some Casper wannabe or anyone else get in my way.
That includes you.
(PASO DOBLE MUSIC PLAYING) Careful! You don't want to pull a groin on game day.
Couldn't make my performance any worse.
You're really nervous about this, aren't you? Well, of course I am, Dad.
I don't want to go on national TV and make a fool out of myself.
Wouldn't be the first time.
- Yeah, very reassuring, thanks.
- No, no, no.
I just meant that, you know, a little bad press doesn't change who you are.
- You know that, right? - Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey, honey.
I'm on my way to the theatre, I'll see you later, OK? OK.
- Was that satin? - (DON CHUCKLING) So you have a good time with Justine? Yeah.
I might do it again tonight.
Really? Two nights of study in a row, huh? That's, uh very conscientious of you, Jules.
- - How did you find out? From a source I trust.
Dad? Liam.
Apparently, you "butt-dialled" him when you were out with your new friends.
Oh, God.
Um was it was it awful? Is he is he OK? I think you should take that up with him, but I will say this: any group that requires you to make sport of people that care about you, maybe that's a club you don't want to join.
How are you feeling? I can't sleep.
I don't know if it's the cold medicine or the ghost stories, but I'm starting to get spooked over here.
- [What's the latest?.]
- Well, I contacted Selena's agent, her manager, even her former writing partner, and they all said the same thing.
[Selena Louise has no enemies.
We gotta be missing something.
Hello? - [Did I lose you?.]
- That ghost picture you sent [Oh yeah, sorry about that.
No, I think you might be on to something.
Really? 'Cause I was just fooling around.
As the attacks of the theatre got more personal, they leaned heavily - into the ghost myth.
- [OK.
Well, how did they know that Selena was afraid of ghosts? Wait.
I've seen her talk about this.
- Hold on.
- [Open your computer and go to the link I sent you.
Hold on.
[It's a bit she does.
About growing up.]
[in an old house as a kid and getting scared at night.
No, seriously, ghosts were like the bane of my existence.
OK? As a child, I was terrified.
As an adult, I have questions.
You ever noticed that all ghosts are men? - (LAUGHTER) - Right? Like Jacob Marley, Beetlejuice, Patrick Swayze, Casper.
I have a theory about this.
It's that men won't ask directions to the afterlife.
Like, "I know where I'm going.
" Come on, guys, get a GPS, buy a map! (MAN): So are you just gonna trash guys all night then? Oh! No, actually, I was planning on talking about my fear of ghosts, but - Oh, good.
- Now that you suggested it, maybe I'll just focus on you.
Yeah, maybe your friends brought you here tonight, so that you wouldn't die of auto-erotic asphyxiation.
And instead of attacking me, here's a suggestion: try attacking that gut.
Yeah, take it to the spin class.
Dude, seriously.
Speaking of following directions, you should try putting some toothpaste on that brush in the morn.
I get it though, it's hard to get access to your mouth when your head is shoved so far up your ass.
How about you use your mouth for something useful like - (BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP).
- It's a good joke.
So don't you have to be funny to be a stand-up? - Isn't that kind of the criteria? - (WOMAN): Hey, pipe down, dude! (MAN): You can (BLEEP, BLEEP).
You know what I'm saying? (WOMAN): Get the hell out of here, you sexist pig! - (BLEEP)! - OK, that was harsh, but doesn't she do that ghost set a bunch of times? No.
Actually, I read an article that she gave it up.
- That's a little weird.
- [I know, right?.]
Listen, uh, the show's gonna start soon, I gotta get to the theatre.
I'll do some more digging.
- OK.
- (BEEP!) Welcome to Ballroom - Smash! - (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) I'm your host Becca D'Orsay, and we are broadcasting live from the Bellecroft Theatre, in downtown Toronto.
Hey, Selena, how are you holding up? I'm a comedian, I'm always afraid of dying on stage.
(BECCA): The decision is up to you.
You're the one who looks like you're gonna hurl.
Ha! Just try to stay in sight of other people.
Don't go anywhere alone.
- I told you, I'm fine.
- (MAN): Places, people! - Places! - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Raven? - Ready.
Hey, Zoe, what's up? [I found the uncensored version of the video.
You do not want to know what that guy said.
I'll take your word for it.
[Point is the video went viral.
- [It got over 60 million views.
- 60 million? And the comments were brutal.
People tore that guy apart.
- Did you figure out who it was? - [Didn't have to.
The crowd did it for me.
Someone found a link to his Ameechee page and posted it, and everyone started flaming him.
They got him fired from his job.
He lost his fiancée.
He basically had to change his name and run away.
I sent you the link.
Hold on, I'm just pulling up to the theatre.
One second.
Oh, my God! It's him! - Him who? - It's Sami, the editor from the show.
I've got to go, Zoe.
- (SONG SHAKE YA BODY PLAYING) - Come on, Shade, pick up.
(BECCA): Comedian extraordinaire Selena Louise (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) soap opera star Veronica Valor country superstar Brody Diamond, - and finally - Whoo! Former hockey champ Matt Shade.
Let's give it up for - these wonderful contestants! - Shake your body, go, go - (CHEERING) - Ready set go We don't stop until we're done Take your places on the floor Start in three, two, one From your feet to your head Shake it, make your back bend Calling all my party people, My ladies, gentlemen Pick yourself up, drop it Pick yourself up, drop it Let go Shake your body Shake your body Let go, shake your body, shake your body - Oh ohhhh - (CROWD CHEERING) Shake your body, shake your body Shake your body Go, go Steve! - Ms.
Everett, what's going on? - You need to stop the show.
Are you out of your mind? We're live! - Where's Sami, the editor? - Sami Chapman? He's not part of our live broadcast.
He's part of Becca's morning show - Wait, what do you know? - Nothing for sure, but if he's here, Selena could be in a lot of danger.
Let go Shake your body, shake your body Oh ohhh Shake your body, shake your body - Shake your body, go, go - (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Wasn't that incredible? Let's give it up for our brilliant dancers! - I'm your host Becca D'Orsay.
- Hey, what's that earpiece for? It's for streaming the music, so they can hear it - over the crowd.
- Can you put me in his ear? (BECCA): Tonight, one of these four contestants will be crowned the Queen or King of the ball.
Hey, Shade, it's me.
I'm in the building.
Listen, the guy that we're looking for is named Sami.
He's an editor.
He's got red, curly hair and a beard.
I'm gonna keep searching for him, but you need to stay with Selena at all costs.
I'm convinced he's gonna try and kill her.
She ruined his life.
(BECCA): or former ice hockey champ - Matt Shade! - (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Thanks.
- (BUZZING) - Yo.
[Hey, Zoe.
It's me again.
How did Grover Newell kill himself? Hmm [Hold on a sec.
Wait, he hung himself in the centre of the theatre.
Rafters, that's where we need to be looking.
- Great, thanks.
- [Wait, wait, no.
He hung a rope over a fly bar and then released the trapdoor You know her as the queen of Rugged Landscapes, but can she become the queen of the ball? Let's have a huge hand from Veronica Valor - and her partner, Neil! - (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) (BIG-BAND JAZZ MUSIC) Becca you're not gonna like this, but, uh we need to make a change to the program.
Our next contestant is one seriously funny dame.
Let's give it up for comic Selena Louise! (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Oh, God! Let this be good.
And in a surprise twist that no one told you about, she will be performing the paso doble with hockey legend - Matt Shade! - (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) - What is she doing? - Shade, what the hell?! You gotta trust me.
Not sure how, but your life's in danger.
- I didn't learn the paso doble.
- It's alright, just follow my lead.
We'll be fine, I promise.
- - (BEEPING) Oh, my God! (BEEPING) (PASO DOBLE MUSIC) - I don't know what I'm doing.
- No worry, it's just like a bullfight.
I'm the matador, you're the bull.
What?! Why do I have to be the bull?! (INAUDIBLE) Doing great.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Duck.
- What? - Duck! - Ooh! - Don't step on my ankles.
- Sorry.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? He's in danger, I need to warn him.
- - There! - He's gonna blow the trapdoor.
- Who? Now, we have to do the Widow's Leap.
I'm gonna go stand over there, - you're gonna jump on me.
- Don't think it's a good idea.
We're gonna do it.
- Oh, shit! - The earpiece.
- Wait.
- Shade, [there's a trapdoor, get off there.
I tried to put it all behind me, start a new life, then she just showed up.
Everyone was gonna find out.
I couldn't let her destroy me again.
You did this to yourself.
Get him out of here.
- No! No! - - Ah.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING) So I met a local DJ here in town, and she invited me out with some of her friends to an underground music show.
- Why didn't you tell me that? - I don't know.
I guess I just wanted to do it on my own.
In Italy, we spent every minute together, which was great, - but - But now we're back.
I feel like we're gonna burn out on each other if we don't do our own things sometimes.
You know, you could have just told me that.
I know.
It was stupid of me, I'm sorry.
- How was the music? - It was amazing! And they invited me to go again tonight.
- Do you want to come? - You sure you want me there? Things I wanted to say, things I should have done - Of course I want you there.
- To show you that I love you For all the days gone by - And all the times we said - There you go.
Looks like a pretty intense conversation over there, Dad.
You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? I think Jules is old enough to have her own life now, Matt, and hey, who am I to interfere? - Uh-uh.
- I'm scared of losing you Forever Here they are! Have I told you two lately just how amazing you are? No, not lately, so please do go on.
Ballroom Smash was a huge success.
Numbers through the roof.
We've already got approval for a follow-up special.
- Congratulations, that's great news.
- It's great for you too.
Steve wants to have you back as a contestant to defend the title that was stolen from you.
Sorry I could not award you the prize money, Shadow.
You broke the rules when you switched partners, so you're disqualified, even though, in my opinion, - you were the best.
- Yeah, um, that's totally fine.
Veronica deserved it just as much.
And it's a great win for the ugly animals of the world.
- How's Sami? - He's being charged.
But the network is going to make sure that he gets the help he needs.
Shadow, thank you so much.
You really went - above and beyond this time.
- Anytime, Becca.
- So? - So what? You never did tell me what you thought of my performance.
Oh, you don't need to know what I thought.
I crushed it, didn't I? Wow, nothing's sexier than a man gloating.
- Oh, come on! - I didn't really see it to tell you the truth.
See, first, I was under the stage, and then I was just so focused on you not dying.
You're really not gonna tell me, are you? Alright.
All I can say is for five minutes, I made everyone in this theatre forget the name Grover Newell.
(PASO DOBLE MUSIC) We should probably keep moving.