Psych s02e11 Episode Script

There's Something About Mira

Come on, boys.
Sit up, sit up.
Come on, napkins in lap.
Now, listen, we don't get to go out very often, so I want you to order something special.
Harbor grill is one of the Nicest restaurants in Santa Barbara.
I'm gonna have nachos.
No way.
Dad, I think that guy over there is a spy.
And he's trying to poison her! I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.
Megan, will you marry me? Y, yes.
Of course, yes! Come on, guys, you've seen people propose before.
It's a very special moment.
Especially for a man.
You fall in love with a woman.
You decide you're gonna spend the rest of your life with her.
Rest of my life with a girl? - No way! - I'm never ever gonna get married! By the way, they're not gonna make it.
Do I need to set this on slow pitch? Hey.
I swore I saw that guy earlier.
Yeah, He's been following us all day.
I'd say worst PI, ever.
Check this out.
What the, no, he followed me into the bathroom? That's my sanctuary.
- I know.
- All right, we gotta find out what he wants.
And we have to do it in a way that's cool and clever.
I got it.
Gyro ball! Hey, watch it! Let me show you how it's done.
Watch out.
That very well may be the most humiliating moment of your life.
I pitch better from the stretch.
That's enough.
And that was for following me into the bathroom.
Okay, so you figured out I was following you.
My name is Mace Rhoden.
I'm a private investigator.
If, I might give you a little criticism, I don't think you've quite mastered the private part.
Of course, if you're going for most obvious detective - nailed it.
- What do you want from us? I was hired to find you by your wife.
One more tiny piece of criticism.
You haven't mastered the investigative part either.
Neither of us are married.
Shawn, an I talk to you for a minute? This guy! Talkin' about one of us being married.
Can you even imagine that? Why aren't you laughing? Why aren't you laughing? Oh, my god! You were married? I can't believe you were married! Bachelor party is tainted.
I didn't get to give my brilliant speech I've been planning - since we were seventh graders.
- You have not.
- You have a book of speeches? - I wrote those a long time ago.
You already wrote my eulogy? I don't remember that.
"Gus is survived by his best friend Shawn Spencer and 12 cats.
" Look, the speeches are not the point, Gus.
The point is, why didn't you tell me you were married? I didn't tell anyone.
I was embarrassed.
Look, I'm sorry.
I was wrong for not telling you.
But, dude, you know when I get married for real you'll be standing up there on that altar, right next to me, as my best man.
Thank you for saying that.
I need to hear it.
You're welcome.
So who is this Harlot? It was spring break '97.
I was in Mazatlan with some college friends.
'97? Tell me you weren't still rockin' the sweater vest.
What? No.
Her name was Mira Gaffney.
I'll never forget the first time I saw her.
Mira was like no other girl I ever dated.
She could get me to do things no one else could ever do.
So seriously? You've never been skydiving? Well, I really don't like planes.
Or heights.
Or Jumpsuits.
No, you like sweater vests.
I do.
So you're a skydiving virgin? Yeah! I'm gonna take you! We'll go! It's amazing! You're gonna love it! Okay.
Dude, skydiving's one thing, but how did she get you to marry her? Three words.
Three little words.
Let's try goldschlager! And four hours later Oh, my god.
And your best man was a goat? I was supposed to be that goat! Shawn, we're on me now.
You're right.
I'm, I'm sorry.
Man, I haven't thought about her in so long.
People used to call her hurricane Mira because she was this wild, beautiful, insane girl.
So who broke it off? Me.
And it got weird real quick.
She called me, like, And threatened to burn down my apartment.
Mira really has a thing for fire? But there's something about her.
It just stuck with me.
I have never felt that way about any other woman.
All right, that's it.
I need to meet this trollop.
You wanna come with me? Yeah! You bet but, dude, listen, I don't know if I can control myself around her, so you have to promise that you'll stop me from being sucked into hurricane Mira again.
Just call me the suck-stopper.
Scratch that.
Don't, don't ever call me that.
I wonder why she wants to see me.
I don't know.
Maybe she wants to introduce you to little Gus junior.
Or not.
Hold it! SBPD! I said stop! Hold it! Look out! Son of a I said freeze, you.
SBPD! You have the right to remain silent.
- O'Hara, how did you just.
- Just had a hunch he lived in the area.
I figured he'd try to lose us by hopping one of the fences between hope street and the 101.
Let's go.
I'm impressed.
Shut up.
Come on, O'Hara, level with me.
That was really just a hunch? Yes, for the tenth time.
Did he, like, drop his wallet or a piece of mail with his address on it? Have you been to his house before? Why would I have been to his house? I don't know.
You date.
I just happen to be good at deductive reasoning.
You know, I've been studying for the detective's exam, and the deductive reasoning part is just killing me.
- Maybe you could tutor me some time? - Sure.
You know, if anyone's gonna tutor you, it should be me.
After I do hold the department record for the highest score on the detective's exam.
What? I have to go wash out the, drunk tank.
Yeah! What, did someone beat my score? Hey.
I heard about the collar.
Nice work.
Another case closed.
- Chief.
- Yeah? Did someone score higher than me on the detective's exam? I believe O'Hara did.
O'Hara? You beat my score? Only by a little.
How much? Gosh, you know, I check all those scores every three months.
How come I didn't know about this? Well, because I made detective when I was in Miami.
So you wouldn't see those results.
And I didn't wanna tell you because I know how much you hate to lose.
I do not hate to lose.
Look, we both did well on the exam.
And those scores don't matter to me.
What matters to me is that I respect you as a cop and as a friend, and I really, really hope this doesn't become a thing between us.
This is not gonna become a thing between us.
That Mace guy said this was the place to meet her.
Maybe she works here.
That wouldn't surprise me.
She's had, like, a thousand jobs.
There's nothing wrong with that.
And she doesn't just work here.
The wine is named Mira.
Maybe they name a wine after all their employees.
Remind me to grab a bottle of Leonard on the way out.
Burton Guster? Gus.
Gus! What do I say? How's my breath? Relax.
Remember the plan.
What plan? I forgot the plan.
How are you? I haven't seen you in what? Ten years? And now look, boom, here you are.
Hi, I'm Shawn.
I, I gave him a really tough riddle on the way over, so he's probably now just figuring out that the doctor was a woman.
No, no.
He's done this before.
He did this when we first met.
I think it's kinda cute actually.
If we just keep talking, he'll catch up.
So I hear that you guys have a detective agency or something.
Mira! Mira! Hi.
Hi there.
You look amazing.
No, you do.
- No, you really look amazing.
- No, you do.
A little bit, but, I mean! The only thing that would have been better was if you had worn one of those sweater vests.
I love it, do you still wear those sweater vests? Gus, I rember the plan.
This isn't it.
I know.
Let's celebrate with a drink.
Okay? But not goldschlager, right? - I'm in trouble.
- l right, just be cool.
And make your armpits stop sweating.
Okay, so this is our sangiovese from last year.
Goldschlager! Gus.
So how long have you been working here? No, no, no.
This is my family's place.
We have three wineries.
This one, a new one in Napa, and then there's the one in Spain, which of course I can't go to because I punched the bull in Pamplona.
So, Mira, what made you wanna see me after all this time? Well, I kinda have some big news.
Is it Gus junior? - What? - Nothing.
I'm getting married.
Yeah, yeah.
His name is Jann, and he's from Sweden.
Although he's lived all over the world.
And I met him at this wine convention a few months ago.
Mira, that's awesome.
So the thing is, Gus, that, our wedding chapel in Mazatlan, they actually sent the marriage license to the U.
S the annulment isn't official.
So I kinda just need you to fill out some paperwork.
Is that cool? - Yes.
- Sure.
- Yes.
- Okay, sure.
I was a little worried.
So when is the big day? It's actually tomorrow.
On ledbetter beach.
It's just gonna be a small thing.
I kinda wanted it to be here, but he wanted at a beach.
It's really the only thing he really wants, so I think I'll let him do it.
It's kinda romantic.
And, dad! Yeah? Dad, this is Shawn.
It's Shawn, right? Yeah, Shawn.
And this is Gus.
Yes, Guster.
So this is the young man that tricked you into marrying him? Yeah.
Mira, I need to speak to you.
- Okay.
- Gentlemen.
Only the first glass is free.
- Why don't you come to the wedding? - Mira.
Please, please, please, please! Come, come, come, come, come, come! Very sweet of you, but we're a little tight.
- What time should we be there? - Gus.
Shawn, what is wrong with you? Mira, of course we will come.
Okay, good.
So I'm gonna go get the wedding info and the annulment papers.
I hope I don't ever say that sentence again.
She just smelled so nice.
Don't judge me, Shawn.
I'm weak.
I can't believe late.
Look, I'm not the one that spent two hours picking out the perfect shirt-tie-eyes combo.
Finally, what the hell am I doing here? Shawn, you cancelled twice.
You're late.
- I'm hungry.
- Look, we're gonna eat lunch.
I promise.
There may even be a grilled cheese bar and some dancing involved.
- What the crab shack? - Change plans.
We're going to wedding.
I can't go to a wedding.
I'm not dressed for wedding.
Dad, you look sharp as a tack.
No one will even notice.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Stacy.
I'm Mira's friend.
- Is he with you? - Yeah he's fine.
I just won him in a bet.
- I know who you are.
- You do? You're Gus.
Gus! We've been waiting for you.
Mira said we couldn't start until you got here.
After all, you are a very special guest.
I am? Don't be nervous, you.
You'll do great.
Your spot's just right up front there.
Now get up there! Okay.
Little tie.
He's here! Oh, my god.
This is my wedding.
- Gus, that's crazy.
- No, it's not.
It's Mira.
It's just like her to try to pull something like this.
- You gotta get me outta here.
- Okay, relax.
I can have Mexico in four hours.
But we gotta dye your hair change your name cut off your - fingertips so you can't be identified.
- I don't need fingertips.
Excuse me, everyone.
I'm afraid we have horrible news.
It seems Jann is missing.
Yes! That was close! Sweet! Sweetie pie.
It's No, I don't want the water.
Baby, it's been two hours.
I don't think he's coming.
Of course he's not coming.
Didn't show up wednesday for golf, thursday for the barbeque, yesterday for the rehearsal dinner.
Why would he show up to his own wedding? No, dad, you know that he got called to work on those other things.
I can't believe you talked me into this.
Baby, can we at least let the people eat something? No.
Nobody gets to eat until I'm married! That's it, Shawn.
I'm outta here.
It's rude to invite people to an event and not feed 'em.
Somebody fix it! Look at her in that dress.
She's so beautiful.
Dude, I gotta get you outta here.
This must be how she felt after I annulled our wedding.
I feel so bad for her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, let's hit it.
What? - Mira.
- Yeah? I am so sorry to hear about Jann.
We'll help you find him.
- You will? - We will? Yes, we don't have any cases right now.
We're more than happy to help.
Guster! Thank you.
Just finished my case reports for the week, spell-checked, copied, and collated, time to spare.
Good for you.
O'Hara, I do hope you're not falling behind on your paperwork.
Those reports look great, O'Hara.
Listen, can you translate these files into Spanish? No problema.
You speak Spanish? It's a requirement in Miami.
Well, there's not that very large a Latino population here in Santa Barbara.
That's so hot! Matt! Did you just brew this? It's not too hot for me.
Please tell me you didn't just burn your mouth because you're still pissed I scored higher than you on that stupid exam? No.
Hey, detective O'Hara! Your stolen refrigeration truck from the seafood warehouse, that's a right? - Yes.
- No, hold on.
That truck is a commercial vehicle, so technically it's a 15-250.
Excuse me, detective.
He was asking me.
Now, if that vehicle ends up in a chop shop, it's a 10-8-03.
Of course if there's reckless driving involved, it's a 23-00-1.
Watch out for the illegal transportation of hazardous materials.
Okay, that's enough.
I gotta go get some paper anyway.
- You know what? - What? I have worked hard.
I have done everything asked of me.
I am a good cop, and I'm not going to stand here and apologize for my good score.
So you are just gonna have to get over it.
- Yeah.
I can't do that.
- Well, then now what? Your truck.
Whoever solves that case is the better detective.
Solve your own cases.
It's a refrigeration truck.
It's practically a victimless crime.
I guess you just don't count the people who aren't gonna get their lobster and sand dabs as victims.
I'm surprised the Miami PD didn't fail you for lack of compassion.
Gus, what's wrong with me? What is it that makes all the guys go crazy on me? Jann was an idiot for giving you up.
You're so sweet.
Sweet Gus.
Yeah, he's pretty sweet all right.
His head is like a chocolate-covered honeydew.
Now, would anyone like to talk about "Jan?" It's Jann, with a "J".
Shawn is right.
We should do that.
So this is all that I have.
I have some pictures of us together.
And a note that he wrote me.
And a lipstick from him.
Do you have any more pictures? No.
Shouldn't you maybe go talk with Mira's parents? - I'll find you when we're finished.
- I haven't finished my - It's fine.
I'll finish it.
- You don't even know how to work with Cork! Mrs.
- My name is Shawn Spencer.
- Oh, I know who you are.
You're the psychic detective helping Mira.
You know, I've always been fascinated by people with "the gift.
" Uh, you're talking about this? Well, that takes work.
I'd like to ask you a question about "Jan.
" Jann? I wouldn't know the first thing about him.
I see.
Because you haven't met him? Very good.
This is our private wine and alcohol collection.
Oh, I see.
I have a private room for all of my hello kitty shot glasses and wild animal scat.
I have many interests.
Well, only a privileged few are allowed down here.
The wine in this room is worth over $1 million.
We've been collecting it for years from all over the world.
Would you like a glass? Actually, I prefer my wine in a box.
I've often heard that's the best way to savor wine.
Just skip over the taste buds and go right to the gullet.
I swear, if I have to deal with another tourist today, my head is going to explode.
And David doesn't like me drinking in front of the guests.
So, uh, how did you manage to never meet Jan? We tried to.
Several times.
Take a sip before I finish the bottle.
That's That's disgusting.
That's a $30,000 bottle of spanish sherry.
It's good.
You know, Shawn I have very fine taste, and I like my wine like I like my men White and hairy.
That doesn't make any sense.
None what so ever.
But I can see where Mira gets her spunkiness.
Phyllis, some of our guests are gonna What's going on here? I was just explaing our frustration over never meeting Jann.
Yeah, that guy.
Yeah, every time we made plans, he would change them at the last second with that same lame excuse about having to work overseas.
I cannot believe that I shut down my winery for this wedding.
I should have known better.
Mira's choices in men have always been suspect.
Including that Guster.
And his supposedly psychic friend.
Now if you'll excuse us? Yes, of course.
You have to finish packing your wine.
You're moving into your winery in Napa on friday, and your amazing collection will finally be on display for all to see.
- Hey, how'd you know that - Don't be intimidated, sir.
I'm just a man.
Oh, god.
- Brace yourself, Jan doesn't actually exist.
- What? Fact, there is no record of a Jan Anglund, buyer of fine wines and food on the internet anywhere.
I did find a Jeff Anglund.
He's an albino with a website dedicated to short circuit.
- You put us on the email list? - That's a given.
Oh, so she was lying? Or she really is checking into the nutcracker suite.
Hear me, Mira made Jan up.
She made him up? What is Clozapine? It's an anti-anxiety drug.
It's also used to treat psychosis.
Mira had a prescription to clozapine, but the refill date was from way back when, - and she had a bunch of pills left.
- So she was off her meds.
And off her rocker.
Even more so than her mother.
What? Let's just say I know where Mira gets her freaky side.
I can't believe this.
I was feeling bad for Mira.
I even started to Oh, my gosh! Shawn, she did all this to get me back.
I fell for it again.
But wait, there's more.
The pictures.
I sense something is very, very, very wrong about these photos, very wrong indeed.
Jan Anglund doesn't exist.
- Thank you and good night.
- Wait, wait, wait a minute! Jan Jann is real.
Why would I make any of this up? To trick me into falling for you again.
I can't believe you'd go through all of this just to get me back.
How sure are you about this theory? Crystal.
That doesn't really work.
Very, very sure.
Then how do you explain him? - Jann! - Mira, honey, I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna grab a clark bar from the vending machine.
Uh, anyone else want anything? Chief? Jules? Gus, you're good? Okay.
I looked for you at the winery, but they said you were here.
Where were you? - You didn't get my message? - What message? At the hotel desk.
Look, I got a call to close this deal with these venture capitalists in Portugal.
It was for a very important client, and I thought I could get back in time.
- Venture capitalists, really? - I'm so sorry.
I never should have gone.
I missed our big day.
I'm just glad you're okay.
Why don't we talk about this back at the winery and spend some time getting to know you.
- Just give me one second.
- All right.
You both.
I don't even know what to say to you.
How could you be so cruel? Doesn't exist, huh? That's great.
Hey, should I put out an imaginary APB for him on my invisible radio? - I have a case to work.
- So do I.
Damn it, Shawn.
You made me look like a fool in front of Mira.
Dude, you know deep, deep down that there is something weird going on here.
With Mira.
With Jan suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
I'm gonna prove it to you.
I'm gonna show you that something's going on.
No more, Shawn.
Stop it.
I'm serious about this.
For you, I'll stop.
Thank you.
What are you doing here? Well, I was hoping to speak with Jan for a minute.
- Jann.
- I won't call him that.
Yeah, he's off playing golf with my father.
Ah, sweet.
- Is that it? 'cause I'm busy.
- Actually, there is one more thing.
Just between you and me, why'd you fake those pictures of you and Jan? I may have been wrong about a couple of things, but I know for a fact that those pictures are fakes.
Jan had a shaving cut in the same place on his neck in each one of these pictures even though they were taken at different times of the year.
It's Gus' fault.
Ever since what happened between he and I, my parents have been skeptical of every guy I've been with.
Andy, Amir, Guru Anupam, Gay Andy, Anthony Does gay Andy know you call him that? He gave himself that name.
Look, Jann and I had only been together for a few weeks when we decided to get married, and I know that's crazy, but I just believe in all or nothing.
You know, doing what feels right.
Are you following me, Shawn? What, are you kidding me? I spent an entire season with an interpretive dance group in Buffalo.
But, see, my parents were against this thing from the whole beginning.
So Jann photoshopped some pictures to make it look like we had been together - for longer than we had, and it worked.
- Wait a second.
You're saying the pictures were Jan's idea? No, Jann.
And yeah, he's the one with the super-fast printer.
I gotta get that.
That's coming from the room next door.
Mira, Mira, Mira! I said I was sorry about what happened with Mira.
I am trying to make it up to you here.
Come on, man, we haven't played golf in forever.
This is gonna be fun.
Plus, I promise to keep my caddy shack references to a minimum.
Now, I've heard this club is restricted, so, don't tell 'em you're jewish.
- Shawn.
- I didn't say I wouldn't make any.
What are you doing? The lady's tee's up there.
Dude! You know what would be more fun? Starting on the back nine.
Why can't we just start from here? I can par this hole with this putt.
Yes, yes, yes.
- Great shot.
Let's go.
- Shawn! Shawn, get back here before I add two strokes to your score! What's the matter with you? Is this the real reason you brought me golfing? To follow Jann? I told you to drop it.
He's back.
There's no more case.
Dude, you're wrong.
Jan is the case.
- He's the key.
- You're losing it.
Gus! That's the PI from the batting cages.
Even you have to admit this is getting weird.
Act natural.
Hey, what are you guys doing here? What's up? Just playing a little golf.
Keeping an eye out for suspicious meetings between shady people.
What were you and Mace Rhoden arguing about? That was nothing.
You know, I was the guy who hired him.
I was late paying, so he was kind of upset.
Maybe Mira didn't tell you, but I'm a psychic, yeah.
And right now the spirits are screaming something in my head over and over and over again.
They're saying, "so se prometer usar as penas.
" - I don't understand.
- It's Portuguese for "only if you promise to keep your feathered headdress on.
" How can you possibly do business in Portugal and not speak a word of the language? - Why did you really Miss the wedding? - Okay, - I wasn't in Europe.
- Yes! Look, the truth is, I was in another relationship.
I was in a bad situation.
I had to end it before I could get married to Mira.
- You were cheating on Mira? - No, all right? No.
Not exactly, okay? It started before we even met.
And I promise you, it's over now.
I know that I haven't always been a good guy.
But being with Mira, you know, it's changed me.
I realize now that she's the only thing in my life that matters.
And you may not believe me, but that is the truest thing I have ever said.
Look, I'd better get back before Mira's dad despises me even more.
Shawn I've been there before when it comes to Mira.
- He's telling the truth.
- Yeah, but he's definitely lying.
- How can he be doing both? - Trust me.
As someone who has occasionally dealt with half-truths, Jan Brady is not telling us everything.
He's my informant.
I'll get the information we need.
Carlton, this is my case.
And besides, your tough-guy interrogation technique, it's not gonna work.
Oh, and you think sweet and gentle's gonna get info from a guy like this? Please.
All I need is 30 seconds.
You could time me.
Fine, I'll play that game.
And I will beat you at it.
- Fine.
- McNab! We're commandeering your watch.
- You're commandeering my - Watch.
Now watch how I break this guy.
It's all in the eyes.
- All right.
You little son of a - Time! - What? I just got started.
- They're your rules.
- Hey.
- Hi.
You look hungry.
So what can you tell me about a refrigeration truck that was stolen a few days ago? Refrigeration truck? Oh, come on.
All I need's a name, Rusty.
I know about pretty much every car boosted in Santa Barbara, but nothing as pointless as stealing a refrigerator truck.
Time! All right, cut the crap, Rusty.
We both know that you are holding out on me.
- I was eating that candy bar.
- Well, the candy police aren't here today.
It's just me, and I got at least 12 different charges I could pin on you.
So you better start giving me some good information.
I don't know.
Look, there's only two reasons why anybody steals a car.
To sell it or to use it.
Since nobody's come down to my shop to sell me your precious little truck, they need it for something.
Time! - Don't you dare tell her a thing.
- Oh, that's great detective work.
Probably why you scored a whole point lower than me on the exam.
Sorry to interrupt, but the chief needs you for an important case.
- They took my clark bar.
- They took my watch.
- What's going on? - It's about Mira's fiance.
I knew it.
The guy's a crook.
All right! Playtime's over, Jan! I've had a bad psychic vibe about you from the beginning.
Why don't you go ahead and tell us what you've really been up to? Whenever you're ready, Jan.
Jan? Let's do a loop.
I knew Jann was bad news.
Wow, Gus, you were so right.
Why didn't I listen to you? We need to find out who killed him.
That's a good idea.
Dude, I have a theory.
I don't think Jan and Mace were just arguing about money.
- What else were they arguing about? - I don't know yet.
But I want to talk to Lassie and Jules.
Let's go.
Oh, yeah, um, I'm not gonna be able to make it.
I'am go by the winery.
Mira called.
She was wondering if I would come by.
- Gus.
- I'll be fine, Shawn.
I just wanna be there for her as a friend.
- All right.
- Cool.
Oh, good.
You're all here.
I'm having a psychic vision about Jan, and I have a theory about who may have killed him.
Let's just take a step back, Mr.
I just got the fingerprint results from the refrigerator truck case.
Do you wanna take turns with this? Take turns? What's going on here? O'Hara and I have a little competition excuse me.
Competition? It is not a competition.
Lassiter is just being a child about his detective exam score.
Wait, the DET? I took that when I was 15.
I got 100.
- I'm sorry.
You said you got a perfect score? - Yeah.
- And you were 15? - Yeah.
Why? What did you guys get? You know, it's probably changed a lot since then.
You really can't compare it.
Apples and oranges.
He cheated on me, and then he lied to me about missing the wedding, and now he's dead.
- I know exactly how you feel.
- Really? - Well no.
- I always knew that there was something wrong with Jann.
From the very beginning, there was a little voice inside me that said it was all wrong, but I didn't listen 'cause he had andy's laugh and gay Andy's sense of style, and your heart.
At least that's what I thought.
- What was that? - I don't know, but my parents are gone and the vineyard's closed.
Somebody's been in here.
Yeah, I think maybe we should call the police.
Good idea.
Officer McNab, you were saying? Uh, yeah, the lab matched one of the prints from the gold lighter that was dropped when the truck was stolen to a known convict named Marcus Ridley, a.
Mike Ray, a.
a My eyes! It's burning! It's stinging! Stuff that old women carry in their purses! - Velamints? - No, it's more of an aerosol.
- Binaca! - It's not a breath freshener! - Mace! - Yes.
Mace Rhoden.
That's right.
- Was the truck yellow? - Well, more like a mustard, but yeah.
Oh, I'm getting another vision.
Two, two, two visions in one.
It's Gus and the truck in the same place.
Gus is in danger.
We have to save Gus! Come on! All right, I left Mr.
And Mrs.
Gaffney a message, but Gus isn't picking up at all.
- Someone give me a gun.
- No.
- What exactly is going on? - Okay, okay, remember when I said that Jan Anglund didn't exist? Well, technically I was right.
You know what? Forget that.
I was totally right.
He's not Jan Anglund.
He's a con man working with Mace Rhoden, the guy who stole your mustard refrigerator truck.
Keep talking.
Well, a few months ago, they started a long con on Mira Gaffney.
The plan was for Jan to romance Mira and marry her on the beach in Santa Barbara.
But Mira's parents asked too many questions.
So Jan doctored the photos to convince them to have the wedding.
See, my parents were against this thing from the beginning, so Jann photoshopped some pictures to make it look like we've been together for longer than we had, and it worked.
The wedding was merely a cover, so that Mira's father would shut down the winery for a day.
Jan intended to leave Mira at the altar, while Mace broke into David Gaffney's cellar to steal his priceless wine collection and skip town.
But there was no robbery at the winery.
And Jan didn't skip town.
He came back.
- He had a change of heart.
- Oh, don't There's something about Mira.
Jan was telling the truth and lying at the same time.
The truth is, I was in another relationship.
I was in a bad situation.
I had to end it before I could marry Mira.
His other relationship was with his partner Mace.
He ended it because he actually fell in love with Mira and couldn't go through with the plan.
That's why they argued at the golf course.
And that's why Mace killed him.
- But why is Guster in trouble? - Because it's thursday night, Lassie.
The Gaffneys are moving their most expensive bottles of wine to Napa tomorrow.
Meaning that Mace is stealing them right now! Somebody give me a gun! - No.
- Then drive faster! That's my best friend in there! Good! You got my message.
Yeah, we looked.
We can't find 'em anywhere.
The wine cellar.
Gus! Gus! Don't shoot! Everything's okay.
- Mira? - Mom! What is going on here? What have you gotten her into? Gus! Don't speak.
I can tell you precisely what happened here, sir.
Gus and Mira discovered, uh, Mace Rhoden robbing the cellar.
He pulled a gun.
He tied them up.
And Gus assessed the situation and devised the following brilliant plan.
He finessed them loose.
He told Mira to perform her dragon-headed bar trick that made him fall for her in the first place, triggering the sprinklers.
They wrestled over the gun.
Mira fainted.
And we walked in just as Gus DTD'd the bad guy.
Well done, Guster.
Well done.
- Thank you, sir.
- Very impressive.
Yeah, very quick thinking.
I was just doing what anyone would have done.
Honey, let's get you out of here.
- But I don't remem - Darling, come here.
Come on, sweetie.
Let's go.
Yeah, it's time to go.
God, he's all wet.
- Dude, that's not how it happened.
- I know.
Mace's cigarette triggered the sprinklers, and he slipped and fell? And then I may have knocked Mira over as I ran away.
- Let's keep that last part to ourselves.
- You bet.
You guys, it's been such a crazy week.
But thanks to you both, I'm gonna get through it.
So thank you.
Oh, oh, Shawn, Gus and me are gonna go rock climbing in Rattlesnake canyon.
And then I'm gonna teach him how to hang glide off Cathedral Peak.
And it's gonna be so amazing.
Do you wanna come? You know what, Mira? We just got a call from a prospective client.
Something about a ghost in a ballroom.
We should probably go work on that.
Is that okay, Mira? Oh, of course.
I totally understand.
You guys do amazing work.
But I just wanna see you both before I leave.
Mira's moving to Greenland to save polar bears.
Of course you are.
- Do you wanna come visit for Christmas? - Gus is coming for Christmas.
- I am? - Yeah, remember? We talked about this, silly.
Think about it.
Thanks again, guys.
Dude, thank you for that.
And thank you for putting up with me throughout this whole thing.
- I know I was a little - Whipped.
- Gay? - No.
- Annoying? - Well, I was gonna say love struck but, sure, fine.
And once again, I just wanna say for the record, I'm sorry I never told you about being married.
I understand.
Now I really understand.
Besides, I've been feeling a little guilty myself.
- About what? - About not telling you that I too was married.
What? You were not married, Shawn.
This is a fake, right? I know this is fake.
You photoshopped this.
Shawn, get back here! You trying to tell me you went skydiving with a rabbi? Shawn!