Pushing Daisies s02e01 Episode Script

Bzzzzzzzzz!

At this very moment, in the town of Couer d'Couers a girl named Chuck was attending her father's funeral.
The only parent she had ever known was accidentally, inadvertently killed by the boy she loved who was, at this very moment attending his own mother's funeral, who had actually died twice.
It was a blood vessel bursting in her brain that caused Ned's mother's first death.
However, young Ned had a secret gift: He could touch dead things and bring them back to life.
Must've slipped.
Clumsy.
Did the timer go off? It was a gift with two simple caveats: Keep a dead thing alive for more than a minute and something else would die in its place.
And touch a dead thing twice, it dies again, this time, forever.
Young Ned felt responsible not only for his mother's death but the death of Chuck's father.
His feelings of guilt were amplified, because he too was in love.
The next time young Ned would see the girl named Chuck she would be dead.
Unlike Chuck, young Ned still had a father.
- After a brief mourning period - I'll be back.
he would deposit Ned at the Longborough School for Boys.
After her own father's death Chuck was fostered by Aunts Lily and Vivian a renowned synchronized-swimming duo and sister neurotics who helped her build a new home, bee by bee.
It was Aunt Lily who found the ad on the pages of the Thrifty Nickel in a fleeting wisp of something resembling maternal instinct.
Just wanted you to stop staring at that spot where your father died.
Young Chuck rebuilt her home by building a new home for a homeless queen and her hive.
The bees thrived.
So did Chuck.
And while Chuck thrived Ned waited for his father to bring him home and waited and waited.
Just as Chuck remembered how home felt Ned tried not to forget what home was.
He held on to it the only way he could and became the Pie-Maker.
And the girl named Chuck became dead.
She was 28 years, and 51 minutes old when murdered on a Tahitian getaway.
- But one touch from the Pie-Maker I think somebody's truck's on fire.
Oh, jeez.
she was alive once more.
Sorry I'm late.
The Pie-Maker could never touch her again.
Chuck's survival now depended on a delicate dance a ballet of avoidance.
Going.
- Stopping.
- Crossing.
- Waiting.
The Pie-Maker took precautions to ensure Chuck felt safe at home.
Slippers were worn, adorned with bells.
- Going.
- Stopping.
Following.
Digby kept his eyes open to the hazards of touch a canine proximity alert who could not only play dead but could do so from experience.
Neither the Pie-Maker nor Chuck could move without the other one knowing and to the Pie-Maker, it felt like home.
So Chuck and the Pie-Maker built a home together, bee by bee.
Tragically, rogue pesticides killed those bees, but only briefly.
This will go better if you wear less clothes.
You've already got me shucked like an ear of corn.
Well, I'm shucked too, way down to my silky intimates just to put on a beekeeper suit.
Remind me why you're shucked and silky.
I thought it was only fair.
You stopped being fair.
Right.
You do realize I can get new bees.
I can make a new home for new bees.
You love these bees.
A happy hive's a happy home, and you can't be happy if you're dead.
There are a thousand dead bees here.
I don't want butterflies to die because you bring my bees back.
Think about it as a pest-control issue.
There's a water-bug infestation in the drainpipes.
If I touch 1000 little dead bees to life maybe 1000 little water bugs will no longer be a problem.
Last time I asked you to bring something back, you said no.
It was your dad.
That would've been weird, if not actively traumatic.
To bring my dad back even for a minute, it may be ghoulish, but it's also sweet like a taxidermied pet, or someone's ashes in a teddy bear.
If you could bring your dad back just for a minute, you wouldn't? That would be an awkward minute.
I haven't seen the man in 20 years.
I'll stick to bees.
At least they know what home is.
- This is very, very sweet of you.
- And will probably sting.
Well, don't offend the bees.
How would I offend the bees? Olive Snook once felt as at home in her Pie Hole uniform as she did her own skin.
But recently, home and uniform had begun to chafe.
Believing Chuck merely faked her death Olive kept the secret that Chuck was still alive.
But the secret that weighed the most in Olive's satchel of deception was that she was still in love with the Pie-Maker.
At that very moment, Private Investigator Emerson Cod was enjoying a new love of the pop-up variety.
Combining his fondness of detective work and stress knitting Mr.
Cod authored and constructed Lil' Gum Shoe.
I love you, Lil' Gum Shoe.
Mr.
Cod had time to author pop-ups because he saved time solving murders with a Pie-Maker who can undead the dead and ask how they got that way.
My wife has been murdered.
What the po-po say about your wife? Work-related mishap.
Said she was sloppy.
- Was she? - She wasn't sloppy.
She was having an affair.
She was gonna leave me or him.
I'm not sure which.
She wasn't using proper nouns, but I was eavesdropping.
If your old lady was stepping out, why you give a damn who killed her? I was hoping she was gonna leave him, not me.
I couldn't bear it if she left me.
- Uh-huh.
What line of work she in? - Bees.
You know anything about bees? I know somebody who knows somebody.
Ahem.
Well, let me just say that I am sorry about your loss and I do accept credit cards.
The facts were these: One Kentucky Fitz, wife of Dusty was the number-one Bee-Girl of Betty's Bees.
Betty's Bees, trademark, was all the buzz in beauty and well-being with honey and honey-based moisturizers anti-aging creams, soaps and lip balms.
Kentucky was 26 years, 3 weeks, when found stung to death behind the wheel of her Betty's Bees Bee Mobile.
- Which one is Kentucky Fitz? - Biscuits.
- Biscuits? - You got biscuits, you got shrimps.
Biscuits.
Shrimps.
- You got something to flip her over? - Why you gotta flip her over? Front don't look no different and it ain't like you gonna be having a conversation.
It sure ain't.
Ooh.
Kentucky? Maybe she's paralyzed from all the bee stings.
I'm just taking in my surroundings.
Apparently, I'm dead.
- Really? Oh, I'm sorry but was your death accidental? Was I accidentally swarmed by bees? No.
I may have been up to some mischief.
Your husband thinks what got you killed was some workplace romance gone sour.
And my husband has a problem with eavesdropping.
There was no romance.
It was my workplace went sour.
I was leaving Betty's Bees.
Did you tell Dusty you were leaving? If I told him, he would worry and ask a lot of questions and then I'd have to lie about sabotaging Betty's Bees.
- Why did you sabotage Betty's Bees? - Why? Because Betty had it coming.
Intention was to quit before I got caught.
- Who caught you? - I couldn't see his face.
Or her face.
All the lights went out one by one and then there was a terrible hum.
Then, out of the darkness, it came for me.
It spit something, and then a swarm of bees attacked.
I tried to get a good look at it but the bees were already stinging my eyes.
That's terrifying.
That's terrifying.
Oh, sorry.
Five seconds.
- How'd you sabotage Betty's Bees? - Any last wishes? - Only that Dusty not be alone.
Yeah.
- How'd you sabotage Betty's Bees? - With a lot of might That's nice.
We don't know what she was doing, but we do know it took a lot of effort.
Do you hear something? - Is she still breathing? - That's not breathing.
I told you not to turn her over.
Could that have happened to me on the roof? Could I have been swarmed? In my underwear too.
I could've been swarmed in my underwear.
Hey.
You don't get to put them pictures in my head.
- That's an assault on my imagination.
- What a horrible way to die.
Thousands of stingers stinging you.
Like secrets that don't sting once they keep stinging you until you're bloated and full of pus.
- Who wanted à la mode? - Ah.
Well, Kentucky was bloated and full of pus because she was sabotaging Betty's Bees.
Kentucky had it in for Betty, but who had it in for Kentucky? The terrifying bee man.
What if he was made of bees? That's why she couldn't see his face.
He didn't have one.
What if there's a whole bee-folk society who walk like people? - You're thinking about how you can train bees to walk in people shapes? - Yeah.
Ain't no bees walking around in no people shapes.
Kentucky was wiggity-wiggity-whacked.
- With a swarm of bees.
- Smells like an inside job.
Kentucky was talking to someone when Dusty was dropping eaves.
Someone who knew what she was doing and would wanna kill her for it.
If it is an inside job, we gonna need an inside bee girl.
- No.
- We gotta tap this honey at the source.
Uh-huh.
"Calling all Bee-Girls.
" Under the nom de plume of Katherine "Kitty" Pimms Chuck answered the call calling for Bee-Girls.
You know, I find that the most amazing creatures have furry behinds.
Sitting in Woolsey Nicholls ' office, discussing the furry behinds of bees Chuck realized this was her very first job interview ever.
She considered this fact for a moment, then had to ask: I have to ask, are you the Woolsey Nicholls from Bzzzzzzzzz! Honey and More? Mm.
Yes, I am.
Why are you here? Isn't Betty's Bees your biggest rival? I own Betty's Bees now.
We made the acquisition very quietly.
These days, merger can send brand loyalists into a tizzy.
Well, I'm a honey loyalist, and you'll get no tizzy from me.
I just hope you're not killing Bee-Girls.
- I beg your pardon? - The Bee-Girl sales division.
With any acquisition, there's always downsizing and restructuring.
I hope it doesn't affect the Bee-Girls.
The Bee-Girls will always have a home in my hive.
Unfortunately, although fortunate for you we've recently had an opening in the Bee-Girl division.
Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
Kentucky Fitz? Something about a honey-harvesting tragedy? Yes.
It's very sad.
She had a bright future here at the new Betty's Bees.
Yeah.
I also heard that she was thinking of leaving Betty's Bees before she died.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Well, you sure hear a lot of things.
- Very gossipy office.
Yes.
Well, I think you will find that particular rumor to be false because Kentucky was invested.
She was the new face of Betty's Bees.
We designed our entire brand relaunch around her.
But Betty is the face of Betty's Bees.
Oh, no, no.
See, Betty Betty's the old face.
"Old" being the operative word.
- She's 37.
- She's 38, which rounds up to 40 which rounds up to 50, which rounds up to old.
And if you are in the business of trying to sell a product that promises youth, beauty and vitality you have to make a strong case for it.
- Mm-hm.
Correction: We have to make a strong case for it.
Kitty, I would be honored if you called Betty's Bees your new home.
Betty's Bees is my new home.
Ah.
Stupendous.
WOOLSEY Well, well - Chuck has a new home.
I blame you.
I blame me too.
That went well.
Emerson Cod's inside man a.
k.
a.
Betty's Bees ' newest Bee-Girl, Kitty Pimms buzzed through the offices of Betty's Bees until she buzzed upon the office of one Kentucky Fitz.
Chuck/Kitty searched for any hint of a saboteur's agenda.
What she found was the eponymous Betty Bee.
What are you doing in there? - Cognitive therapy for claustrophobia.
- You're Betty Bee.
- That's right.
Why am I explaining myself to you? You should be explaining yourself to me.
I'm sorry.
I thought this office was vacant.
I'm Kitty Pimms.
I've just been hired.
- By whom? - Woolsey Nicholls.
Woolsey? So you're replacing Kentucky? A little soon after her death.
Seems distasteful, don't you think? It does, but it also speaks to the efficiency of your Human Resources department.
- Mm-hm.
I wonder how else you'll be replacing Kentucky.
Since I'm a withered hag tattered by every grain in the hourglass Betty's Bees still needs a fresh face.
And after what happened, well no one wants to think about that when they're buying lip balm.
Welcome to Betty's Bees.
Kentucky's affairs were clearly a bee in Betty Bee's bonnet.
Oh, I just wanted to say what an honor it is to be working with you Thank you.
Get out.
And so Chuck got out.
But the question remained: Betty Bee: Coconspirator or killer? Kentucky was the new face of Betty's, which does give Betty motive.
Being replaced by better-looking always gives you motive.
But Kentucky was sabotaging Betty's Bees, trademark which was owned by Woolsey, which gives Woolsey motive.
Woolsey's a businessman.
Somebody sabotage him he'd send in a swarm of lawyers, not bees.
I know.
They were lovers of the same-sex persuasion and the key is for their love nest.
We've ruled out workplace romance.
I'll just cross that off my list, then.
I haven't ruled out workplace romance.
Romance does give you motive.
Somebody always loving somebody they shouldn't be loving.
- Is that for your aunts? - Extra vanilla.
Olive Snook discovered it wasn 't vanilla while delivering pie to Chuck's aunts.
It wasn 't the only secret she would discover that night.
The high doses of herbal mood-enhancers not only caused particularly vivid side effects but they also prompted a confession.
I'm Charlotte's mother.
It was a confession not even Lily's sister, Vivian, had heard and to ensure that she never would, Lily banished Olive from their lives.
Since both Chuck and her mother were supposed to be dead neither could know the other was alive.
I don't know if Betty killed Kentucky, or if she didn't but I know this: Betty knows something about something.
- All right, I'll give Betty the shakedown.
- No.
No shaking.
What if someone from Betty's Bees finds out you're a spy? Spying is like sabotage in that they kill you for it.
That's what you do with spies.
You kill them and you don't feel bad, because they're spying.
Ned, they're not gonna kill me during office hours.
Yeah.
Stop trying to spook my inside man.
- You could die.
- And you're already dead.
Told you she wasn't dead.
If I could breathe, I would vomit.
Olive Snook.
Every week, a delicious, life-giving pie, and then nothing.
I thought you were dead, and so soon after Charlotte.
I was beginning to take dying personally.
We would've called, but by the time I knew, Vivian was already on the bus.
Lily was very tenacious.
She tried to get me to come home in six consecutive stops.
She insisted on coming all this way just to ask why you stopped delivering pies.
I'm really flaky.
- That's what I told her.
It's not about the pies although the pies were always lovely, and so vivid.
I gotta go get somebody's, uh, something.
Get under there.
They're here because you stopped delivering their pies.
All this time, I've been making pies And dosing them with what you claim is vanilla, but that ain't vanilla.
I'm gonna dose the both of y'all with shut-the-fudge-up.
The weight of kept secrets had become unbearable for the pint-sized pie-slinger.
Why don't we talk? I thought you were my friend.
- Like I said, flaky.
- I got something to say.
I'm gonna say it to you and you and you and your hump.
Olive wanted to let loose the secrets and lies she'd been force-fed by her friends: That Chuck was still alive that Lily was her mother but instead, what came out was this: What's gotten into you? I am a sawed-off shotgun full of secrets.
- Did she say she was armed? - No, I don't have a gun.
I am a gun.
At any moment, truth buckshot could come spewing out of my muzzle.
Look out.
That's enough.
Truer words were never spoken.
This rifle is gonna go away in a little satin-lined case with the trigger locked and the safety on.
I quit.
I'm quitting you and this, and, you know, all of this.
Olive, you don't have to quit.
Calm down.
You want a drink? Lily, hand me your purse.
I'm not thirsty.
I'm tendering my resignation and resigning my tenders to the cold, harsh reality of what's not meant to be.
But you can't just leave.
Vivian, go wait outside.
- But - Haven't you caused enough trouble? This is your home.
Where will you go? I know a place.
Aunt Vivian used to always say there's nothing sadder than an empty birdcage.
Is Olive ever gonna come home? She didn't say.
She said her apartment was paid to the end of the year, and she asked me to water her plants.
I feel like I broke her.
I enlisted her to spy on my aunts and then turned her into a homeopathic drug mule.
What homeopathic drugs was she muling? I baked antidepressants into pies to get them out of the house.
It's something I've always wanted to do, but never had the chance.
I guess it worked.
I got them out of the house.
Olive got them out of the house.
They got out of the house.
I mean, Vivian took the bus.
She never takes the bus.
She thinks it's too intimate.
I wish there was a way I could thank Olive.
You know today's my first day at Betty's Bees? That was my first job interview ever.
I mean, I haven't gone anywhere with my life, and this is my second one.
All I have is a fake résumé filled with things that I've never even done.
I mean, I've never even lived alone.
- How long did you live alone? - Long enough.
Don't you think that's odd? My entire life.
My aunts swept in the moment my dad died and you the moment I died.
You're thinking about living here.
Aren't you? Yeah.
Well, you hate corduroy and sleighbell slippers.
I'll stop walking in on you doing things you don't want me to know about.
Would never have happened if you wore your slippers.
- It'll be romantic.
- I'm confused.
More.
- More? - More explanation.
How is it romantic? You've got a job and now you're moving out? But I didn't get a job.
I'm undercover Kitty.
And I'm not moving out, I'm just moving next door.
It's French.
It's very first-class Parisian living.
His-and-her suites and coy midnight knocks on the door to share a lover's boudoir.
- You'll be knocking? You can knock too.
This was not romantic for the Pie-Maker.
Yay.
Knocking.
Where's Olive? Olive Snook was where Lily had taken her.
It was a place that valued Olive's silence as much as Lily did.
Hello, Betty.
A little bee tells me you've met Kitty Pimms.
Briefly.
Well, this morning Kitty says to me, she says, "I wanna speak to Betty Bee.
Bee-Girl to Bee-Girl, tell her how much she means.
" Bless.
If there's a lull in the conversation, you just ask Kitty why she loves bees.
Oh? Oh.
- You'll be glad you did.
- Thank you.
Betty, I know Kentucky was your number one Bee-Girl and I wanna live up to her standard of honey harvesting and sales excellence.
You're not really going to stand there and kiss my ass, are you? Or didn't Woolsey tell you? He didn't.
How politic.
- Tell me what? - His acquisition was a hostile takeover.
- No, he didn't mention the hostile part.
- Oh, yes.
The ass you were just kissing is now just the ass of a retired honey mascot.
That's my new title: Honey mascot/consultant.
Used to be founder and president.
That would make me stinging mad.
I get to keep my old office, just not my dignity.
When all of your bees die, it's hard to care about any of it.
- All your bees died? - The colony collapsed.
Mites might've caused it.
In fact, they did.
Took over every hive.
Not long after Woolsey took over Betty's Bees.
Might almost be poetic if it didn't suck so much.
Kentucky didn 't sabotage Betty's Bees with a lot of might.
- She sabotaged Betty's Bees with: - A lot of mites.
- Take a lot of mites to cause a collapse.
- Sure does.
I grew up with generations of those bees.
The first hive was an infestation in the corner of my bedroom.
I was 5.
- I tried to kill it.
- Oh.
I was stopped.
Mother was a Methodist and Daddy was a pragmatist, so: "God put those bees there for a reason.
" - They were right.
- You lived with bees? That sounds magical.
We called it the Honey House.
The Honey House is empty now.
We left together, me and the bees.
Those bees built Betty's Bees.
What happened to those bees? Could it be sabotage? A conspiracy? How dramatic.
You think someone intentionally murdered my bees? - Just a thought.
- It wasn't sabotage, Kitty.
Sometimes, bad things just happen.
Unbeknownst to Chuck, a.
k.
a.
Kitty Pimms something bad was about to just happen to her.
Did Kentucky talk about colony collapse? Is it upsetting? She tends not to tell me upsetting things.
It's when a beehive becomes inhospitable.
In this case, infested with mites.
All the bees fly away to die.
It's a natural phenomenon.
Except when a bee company gets bought out by its rival and its star employee dead, then maybe it don't happen so naturally.
See, Kentucky, she was sabotaging Betty's Bees which took a lot of might, as in effort, and a lot of mites, as in pests.
She was infecting the hives.
Somebody found out and killed her for it.
How do you know she was sabotaging? She confessed.
Before she died.
Not to us but to a reliable source who wishes to remain anonymous.
Is your reliable source Betty Bee? - What makes you say that? - Kentucky was very close with Betty.
They were like sisters until someone asked Kentucky to be the new Betty.
It must be hard, your wife was killed because of sabotage but at least she wasn't cheating.
She loved you very, very much.
- And she'd never hurt you.
- She was the only family I ever had.
You know, that I liked and liked me.
If I was more comfortable with you people, I'd cry.
- You can cry.
It's okay.
- Thanks.
It is not okay for a grown-ass man to weep in public with a bunch of happy families enjoying pie.
If you can't hold it, you take your ass to the men's room and cry in private on the toilet.
- Like a man.
- I need to use the men's room.
Look, I know where Betty put the key.
I can get it tomorrow.
She's not gonna stay in her office all day.
What? I thought you gonna start squawking about how dangerous it'll be to go back.
Squawk, squawk.
I'm not gonna wag my finger.
It's Chuck's life and she can live it however she'd like.
I can't expect her to sit inside all day and - Hide! - No, I don't need to Woman, hide your ass.
Oh, Vivian.
I didn't know you were here, um.
We're just closing up.
There.
All closed.
- There's still people inside.
- Cleaning crew.
How are you? To be honest, I wasn't craving pie, I was craving company.
Lily absconded with herself.
First time in 30 years I don't know where she is.
I didn't know where else to go.
It's all right.
I'm sure Lily will be back.
Oh, yes.
Though I don't know about Olive.
And then of course, there's Charlotte.
Everyone seems to be leaving me.
Home was my haven.
Now everything there just reminds me of everything not there.
Chuck.
I mean, Charlotte.
Her room is how she left it.
Clothes in the closet, her books on the shelves.
Her special pillow, still at the head of the bed.
I didn't know she had a special pillow.
It was her father's.
I'm sure it's teeming with fungus and microscopic bugs that feed on flakes of human skin, but she was fond of it.
I know you loved having Charlotte safe at home smiling on the other side of the room, but she's gone.
She's moved out.
Hm? I mean on.
She's moved on.
Maybe it's time for you to move on and get rid of that pillow.
As the Pie-Maker considered Chuck's worldly belongings and how Vivian clinged to them Olive was clinging to her own.
Uh, excuse me.
Mother Superior.
Hi.
I have been here for a day and was told the porter would come for my things.
- Do I need to tell him what room I'm in? - The poor, sister.
The poor will come for your belongings.
Part of your vow of poverty? I thought that was a temporary vow since I'm only gonna be a temporary nun.
Don't you have some kind of storage facility? This is your home for as long as you're here.
And as long as you're here, you will live as a nun.
But I like my belongings.
That's why they belong to me.
I wanna be poor in other ways.
We offer sanctuary, but it doesn't come without a price.
Work hard and you will see results.
Commit yourself and you may even find that you wish to stay.
Like a gym membership.
I can cancel at any time? God in his wisdom has led you here.
Take refuge and hide your secret from the world.
And once your baby is born, you can return to the outside world.
Oh, whoa, hold that pregnant pause.
I'm not with child.
Unless it's immaculate conception or I wore a strange man's underwear.
I just assumed, based on who brought you here.
This is where Lily came to have Chuck? Ah.
Here come the poor.
Come, help yourselves.
Help yourselves.
No, l - Look at this.
No, I really Look at that case.
- What a surprise that would be I'll take that.
when you get home.
Listen, poor kid.
You get My c My couch.
- Is Betty in? - She's on a call.
Can I take a message? - Ned, what are you doing here? - Filing, fielding calls, making coffee.
What happened to assistant Giancarlo? He had to, um, scoot.
What happened to Giancarlo was this: After eating a slice of pie from what he believed was a secret admirer in Accounting Giancarlo experienced what could best be described as extreme intestinal distress.
You pruned his pie? Sent him home, hid in Human Resources waited for them to call Happy Time Temp Agency, then canceled the order and showed up with a smile and a pleasant attitude.
I think that's the most romantic thing I ever heard.
He is stalking you.
You don't think I'm stalking you? I'd be a hypocrite to judge you for dosing someone's pie.
- Why? Are you stalking me? - Depends.
Now we're living our Parisian lifestyle, does that mean I can't be close? I feel safer now that you're here.
Then this isn't stalking.
It's just good, old-fashioned chivalry.
Walk with me.
Cancel my appointments.
I'm leaving.
But I've got one more thing to do.
Have my car waiting for me downstairs.
With the Pie-Maker serving the perfect distraction Chuck beelined for the stolen bee key.
She found the bee key exactly where Betty Bee put it.
Then she made an important discovery of a different kind before she herself was discovered.
Chuck.
I told you this was dangerous.
Alive again doesn't mean you can't be dead again.
There's a reason I don't let Digby play in traffic.
I suppose we can talk about this later.
Why are you? Why is she pointing at me? Why you rolling toward me? You're in front of the door.
Uh Oh.
Don't offend the bees.
Don't offend the bees.
Don't offend the bees.
Don't offend the bees.
Don't offend the bees.
Don't offend the bees.
What happened to you? What happened was this: The bee man was not composed of bees.
The drones nested around their queen safe inside the bee man 's mouth.
But when he spat the queen she signaled her drones to attack any perceived predator.
Unlike Kentucky Fitz, Chuck kept a cool head and an open mouth.
She was not perceived as a predator but a nest.
Look.
That's Betty Bee as a little girl.
Well, either she was an unfortunately hairy child Or Betty Bee is the terrifying bee man.
- Wasn't she with you? - She didn't get off the elevator.
She must have come back up here to wiggity-whack you for being a spy.
Like she wiggity-whacked Kentucky.
Well, my wiggity wasn't whacked.
And I got the bee key.
- That's a house key.
I know what house.
As Chuck followed the bee key that was key Olive Snook followed her homesick heart to the confessional.
Forgive me, Father for I'm going to file a police report on all my worldly possessions.
I know it's greedy and wrathful, but there's been a miscommunication.
And since we're discussing it I'm not really belonging here.
Aha.
- I knew you'd lapse.
- You.
You have some crust coming in like that.
How long have you been lurking? Since you walked through those gates.
I had to make sure you didn't get any ideas in that nubbin of yours about leaving.
It's your fault I'm here.
You and your damn Hail, Mary.
- Secrets.
I spent so much time praying, I've run out of things to say.
I'm having awkward silences with God.
- I wanna go home.
- Where's home? Back to slinging pies? Where you spend every waking minute praying that the man you worship will show you some sign of his love? You can do that here.
And commiserate.
These nuns aren't my people.
Unless you're telling me "flibbertigibbet" is a title of respect.
You know things about me nobody knows.
This place knows things about me nobody knows.
You holidayed here 30 years ago and found a baby in a cabbage patch? And by "cabbage patch," I mean your lady parts.
Vivian can never know about that.
She thought I was in Paris, apprenticing in a world-class fromagerie.
Why don't you just tell her? Charlotte's father, my lover, was Vivian's fiancé.
You did not just tell me another secret.
You're a home-wrecker too.
- Jiminy Crispy.
- Oh, don't "Jiminy Crispy" me.
Chuck thinks her mother died during childbirth.
I mean, according to Vivian, Chuck Charlotte thought her mother died during childbirth.
Well, it doesn't matter what Charlotte thought.
She's dead now.
Oh, look at you, all pious.
You'd think you'd fit right in at a nunnery.
- Hell, might even do you some good.
- Who are you? The good-for-me police? Oh, come on.
That epic tanty you pitched back at The Pie Hole? That wasn't all my doing.
I realize I have some man issues to sort out.
So sort them out.
Sort them out here, where men won't be an issue.
Stay as long as you like, until your head is clear.
But Olive feared Lily's idea of "as long as you like" was considerably longer than hers.
Thirty-nine miles away, north by northeast the private detective, the Pie-Maker and Chuck climbed a windy road to the childhood home of Betty Bee.
A home that was supposed to be vacant.
But the home was not vacant at all.
That colony collapse was a hoax.
Her bees didn't die.
She stole them.
Damn.
You know, suddenly a crazy cat lady don't seem so crazy no more.
So Kentucky helped Betty steal Betty's bees, they fake a colony collapse.
Get away with conspiracy, sabotage and grand theft.
But why would Betty wanna kill Kentucky? Maybe she didn't kill Kentucky.
Woolsey handpicked Kentucky to be the new face of Betty's Bees and then she betrayed him.
Yep, she sabotaged his company and stole his bees.
She played him like Boo Boo the fool.
Boo Boo had it coming.
Woolsey tells me I'm too old and slaps my name on an inferior product.
Did you know there's now in all Betty's Bees honey-based products, including honey? He wants the company, have it, but I'll be damned if he can have my bees.
Hello, Kitty.
And you.
You're not a temp.
Who are you people? We're investigators hired by Kentucky's husband to find her killer.
There is no killer.
That's what the police told me.
Can't prosecute a swarm of bees for murder.
You can prosecute Woolsey Nicholls.
I loved Kentucky like a sister.
But if I told the police Woolsey killed her because we sabotaged his company I would go to jail longer than Woolsey would for murder.
Jail might be a safer place.
I was attacked in your office by a swarm of bees.
- I think those were meant for you.
If you loved Kentucky tell the police.
You can't let Woolsey get away.
Woolsey is gonna get away with murder.
Unless you can pull his DNA off those bees.
Oh.
Please, don't get up.
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Emerson Cod.
I'd like to ask you questions about the murder of Kentucky Fitz.
- Kentucky wasn't murdered.
The swarm chased her to her car, all the way from the colony.
That swarm followed her from you.
You tried to kill Betty, except that wasn't Betty.
This is the queen bee cage you spat when you were covered in bees.
We found it outside Betty's office, under a swarm.
And if we tested it for spittle, I'm sure we'd find plenty of yours.
Well, I have no idea what you're talking about.
The facts were these: Woolsey Nicholls was madly in love with Kentucky Fitz.
The operative word was "madly.
" Betty Bee was a withered hag by the mere fact that she wasn 't Kentucky.
Shortly after Kentucky gratefully accepted Woolsey's offer to become the new face of Betty's Bees he discovered her gratitude was insincere and her intention was sabotage.
Infected bees were found in Kentucky's possession.
She was smuggling mite-infested bees into his new colony.
Betrayed and brokenhearted, but not sloppy Woolsey dealt with Kentucky using a means that would also imply accidental death.
Woolsey Nicholls confessed to the murder of Kentucky Fitz and attempted murder of Betty Bee.
He never knew the colony collapse was a hoax or that Betty had stolen back her bees.
Since Kentucky Fitz was like a sister to Betty Bee Betty Bee was like a sister to Dusty Fitz and made him her new partner.
Realizing that his colony had not collapsed but had merely expanded into his-and-her suites the Pie-Maker labored to make Chuck's suite feel like home.
- Are those my books? - Yeah.
And my furniture, and My special pillow.
How? Welcome home.
And so the Pie-Maker had come to understand home did not mean four walls and a door you never walk out of.
Home was a feeling of where you belong.
For Emerson Cod, home was Lil' Gum Shoe.
The tale of a girl whose father couldn 't find her so she had to find him.
Mr.
Cod insists it's a work of fiction but if published, it could serve as a how-to manual for an audience of one.
For Olive Snook, home was the place she hoped to find herself and perhaps find new friends with not so many secrets.
Hi, Pigby.
For lonely tourist Charlotte Charles, a.
k.
a.
Chuck home was where the Pie-Maker was.
And this home was a place the Pie Maker's father, who abandoned him, would return to even if the Pie-Maker never knew he was there.