Quantum Leap s02e12 Episode Script

Quantum leaping into someone else's life means never knowing what set of problems come with the package.
Sometimes my purpose is something as important as stopping my newly acquired sister from marrying an abusive alcoholic, and sometimes it's as simple as a first kiss.
But always, always, it's a true and rewarding experience.
Wild Thing! Go for it, man! Well, maybe not always.
I, uh I think I'll, uh, go check out the bathroom.
Unbelievable.
Surf's up! We got your Banzai Rums.
We got your Hang Tens and Tonics, your beer, and of course, your ever-popular because it's named after me Guna Laguna Tuna Smashers.
Whoa, whoa! You gotta be a virgin to drink that drink.
I think you better step into my office so I can make sure you're qualified.
Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Here.
I got the lobsters you ordered.
What? I mean, here are your lobsters, Your Royal Wildness, sir.
Scooter, what is the lowest form of life? A pledge is the lowest form of life, sir! Yes, and who is the lowest pledge? I am, sir! And what is the greatest fraternity in this great nation of ours in this year of our Lord, one thousand nine hundred and sixty-seven? Tau Kappa Beta! Damn right.
Now, take those sacred lobsters and place them in Dean Stomper's mailbox.
Sir! I just love being in a fraternity.
Wild Thing, you throw the greatest parties of any fraternity.
Excuse me.
Oh, boy.
So, it was 1967, and I was apparently a member of Tau Kappa Beta fraternity at Meeks College.
And this, according to the subtle clues on the door, was my room.
Though perhaps "cave" was a better description.
I mean, look at this place piles of unwashed clothes, the scent of stale beer in the air.
It looked like every other fraternity room I had ever seen in college, which is precisely why I neverjoined one.
And according to this notebook, my real name was Knut Wileton.
That was Knut with a "K," so I was named after the king and not the salamander, which is something of a relief.
Otherwise, it also seemed I was known as Wild Thing? Oh, I-I guess we fell asleep.
"We"? I thought you had forgot about us.
I just, uh, got a little sidetracked is all.
Well, why don't you come and get back on track? That-That-That would be great.
Except I j I gotta I just remembered, I gotta go study.
So just excuse me, girls.
Excuse me.
Range one hundred meters! Range one hundred meters! Torpedo number one, loaded, ready and fire! Miss.
Miss.
Correction.
Fifteen degrees.
I used to do the same thing when I was in college, only we used to use the inner tubing from a bicycle tire instead of this surgical tubing, and this is definitely better.
Al, I'm in a fraternity.
Yeah.
Looks like a great one, from the look of these guys.
- Prepare number two! - Number two! Ready? Loaded? Fire! - Fire! - Direct hit! I'm trapped in the body of a troglodyte! I don't wanna graduate in it.
I wanna leap out of here as soon as I can! Well, don't worry.
According to Ziggy, you're in no danger of graduating this year or next year.
It seems this Knut Wileton is into the ten-year plan.
Let me guess: He's a P.
E.
major with a minor in underwater hotel management.
Wrong.
You're a physicist with a shot at the Nobel prize.
Just kidding.
Uh Oh.
Well, he's an art major.
Some kind of a sculptor.
Probably works in beer cans.
Okay, so, I gotta pass some test or something, right? So he can stay in school and become a great artist.
Is that it? No.
According to Ziggy, there's an 87.
6% chance you're here to help Elizabeth Spokane.
Fire! You stupid jerks! Well, so much for first impressions.
Al, look.
If anybody needs help, it's these guys, not her.
Well, tomorrow that's Saturday Elizabeth and her group are gonna plant a bomb in the chemistry building.
A bomb? Yeah.
Well, there was a lot ofbombs planted on campuses in the '60s.
Usually protesting departments whose, uh, research Was related to the government's war efforts in Vietnam.
Yeah.
Yeah? It goes off at 9:00 p.
m.
There wasn't supposed to be anybody in there.
But this time there was? Right.
A kid who snuck in late to finish some project.
And it killed him.
Elizabeth went underground and spent the rest of her life on the run.
I can't let that happen.
Hey, where are you going? I'll get the notes from you later.
Notes? U.
S.
out of Vietnam! Bring the troops home now! Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Can I interest you in this pamphlet that tells you everything that's happening in Vietnam? What do you want? I just I just came to apologize.
Is that supposed to make everything better? No.
It's supposed to start to make things a little better.
Mmm.
Well, the best way to do that is by leaving.
Maybe I could just jump off a cliff instead.
Well, that would mean you were smart enough to find one.
Look, Elizabeth, I want to apologize, and maybe we could get together sometime and talk about what you're doing here.
Do you really think that I would ever go out with you? - I'm not talkin' about goin' out with me.
- Sam, you could be passin' up a good thing.
Will you forget about her body for a moment? I wasn't talkin' about you.
I don't care.
Elizabeth, I I need to talk to you about what you're doing here.
Well, if it is that important to you, then talk to Duck.
I'm sure he can explain it much better than I can.
Here.
No fair moving your lips.
Look, um, are you really serious about trying to stop the war? What do you think? Okay.
Okay.
Um Then I'd like to help.
Good idea, Sam.
Why? Because I agree with you and Elizabeth.
I think the sooner we end it, the better.
Oh.
I see.
You wanna help here so you can get to her.
No, no.
That's That's not what I mean.
I I'm really interested in trying to end the war.
You know, man, you're like glass.
I see right through you.
Look, I'm not tryin' to hide anything.
I just wanna help.
You keep saying that, but I don't believe you.
I mean, you just wanna get to Elizabeth.
Look, if you don't let me help, I mean, I'm never gonna be able to prove to you that I'm tellin' the truth.
On a On a trial basis.
Just-Just for one day.
Let me work with you and see what No way, man.
Thanks, but no thanks.
So you're really not serious about trying to stop the war.
This is just like some kind of a what, a game or somethin'? You know, serious doesn't begin to describe how I feel.
Well, if you are serious, then I don't understand why you keep turning me down.
I would think you could use all the help you could get.
You know, I underestimated you.
You're not just some big, hulking beer can.
You're a lot smarter than that.
And deceptively smart people need to be watched.
That's why I'm gonna be watching you, making sure that you don't get anywhere near Elizabeth.
Oh, great.
That's good.
Now you not only have to figure out how to get on Elizabeth's good side, you gotta be on the lookout for that nozzle.
Generally speaking, oxidation is a loss of electrons from an ion, an atom, or a group of atoms to oxygen or to some other element that acts in a manner similar to oxygen.
This transfer of electrons produces heat and sometimes light.
Any questions? Gentlemen, do you mind? Thank you.
How do you justify this department's participation in a homicidal and illegal war? I think that the policies of this university are contributing to the destruction Now, there's a taco I'd really like to sink my teeth into if she wasn't such a dip.
She's not a dip.
She's just She's stating her opinion.
The only opinion you want to hear is "Yes! Yes! Oh, golly, Knut, yes!" - Come on.
Hey, 10 bucks say you can't get her to the luau.
Sam, if you take her to the luau, she can't be planting a bomb in the chemistry building.
By omission or commission, if you aid in the perpetuation of an immoral war, aren't you equally as guilty? That's a question for the philosophy department.
This is a chemistry class.
You're on.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
Uh, isn't this really a moot question? I think the real question is, uh, what do the South Vietnamese want? That's a good point, Sam.
Are we trying to help a friend in need, or are we trying to impose our will upon a weaker country? Now, a lot of people might feel that it's immoral to abandon the war right now.
- It's immoral to continue it! - And a lot of people feel that way.
But I think that we should take our cue from the South Vietnamese.
Because once they lose the will to fight, then no matter what we want, or do, I don't think there's any way we can win.
Hear! Hear! Yeah.
Cheers.
Could I, uh Could I talk to you for a moment? Uh, I have to go to a meeting.
You mind if I come along? It's a free country.
Uh, Scooter? Scooter.
Yes, sir, Your Royal Wildness? Uh, who told you to wear your underwear on the outside of your pants? Uh, y-you did.
You said whenever I went to class, I had to do it.
Oh, well, yeah.
Good.
So, now you've done it.
You don't have to do it again.
Oh, thank you, Your Royal Wildness! - Don't mention it.
- What are you gonna do with all that hamburger meat? It's for Dean Stomper's dog.
His dog? It's supposed to distract him while I get the basketball.
What basketball? Well, you know.
The one in his trophy case that Wilt Chamberlain signed and that he shows at all the alumni meetings.
No, Scooter.
You don't have to steal that basketball.
But Hags and Guna and Will said if I don't do it, I won't be in the fraternity.
Uh, well Um, okay.
Listen.
After you steal it, bring it to me.
Yes, sir.
Scooter That's pretty pretty funny, huh? It's pretty stupid.
This whole pledge stuff, it's ridiculous.
It-It's humiliating.
I don't know why you do it.
Well, m-maybe it's-it's like a a leftover from primitive times.
What do you mean? Well, it's like a rite of passage, an initiation.
You know, like in the olden days, when a boy wanted to be considered a man, he had to go out and kill a saber-toothed tiger or something like that.
So then he would be accepted as an equal amongst the other hunters.
Is that what you mean? Exactly.
And so now he has to wear underwear on the outside of his pants and steal basketballs? Hmm.
Which, depending on how you look at it, is either incredibly lame or infinitely more civilized.
Oh, you are unbelievable.
No, I figure in another we'll have the tigers wearing underwear and-and-and stealing basketballs, and we will have evolved beyond it.
Maybe.
But will we have evolved out of war? How long can we allow the oppressive agendas of a selfish minority to control the destiny of a people located halfway around the world? Where is thejustice in that? The only people who want this war are those who stand to make a profit from it.
And the only ideology that they're concerned with is the bottom line.
And that is why we must do whatever it takes, even if it means that we must take up arms ourselves.
There was something a little spooky about Duck.
A touch of the fanatic, perhaps.
Now maybe the average citizen felt Thomas Jefferson was kind of spooky when he talked to them about disobeying the laws of Great Britain, I don't know.
Violence is now the only language that the-the bloated ruling class can still understand.
But then again, maybe they didn't.
Duck is a Duck is a Duck is a Duck.
Al, what does Elizabeth see in a guy like this? I don't know.
Well, part of it's him, but mostly it's the cause.
You look at these kids around here, most of them come from comfortable backgrounds.
They can afford to go to college, so they don't have to go to Vietnam.
And sometimes that that breeds guilt.
She's tryin' to make up for that? Well, guilt is part of it.
Uh, part of it's also a normal rebellion against what the parents stand for.
Hers, by the way, are loaded.
And then part of it is her sincere desire to do what she believes is right.
to serve as a research tool for the military-industrial complex, then we are as guilty of murder as those who drop the bombs whose contents are developed right here! So, uh, I mean, he's a pretty great speaker.
That's because he's right.
Well, except for the taking up arms ourselves.
I mean, that kinda sounds like civil war.
Did you just come along here to bug me or what? No, no, no.
Uh, would you come to the luau with me tomorrow night? Wh-What? What's the matter? You don't You don't like parties? Not if you call getting drunk and throwing up a party, no.
Come on.
I mean, even revolutionaries need to party every once in a while.
I mean, don't you think that uh, uh, Washington and, uh, Gandhi, or even uh, L- L-Lenin needed to take a break occasionally? When they had the time, I'm sure.
Stop it.
Okay, what do you say I promise to pass out flyers with you tomorrow if you go to the luau with me tomorrow night? Flyers for luau, luau for flyers Whoa! Wait.
What would the Young Republicans think? I don't care.
What, are you worried about, uh, Abbie Hoffman and what he's gonna think if you go to a luau with me? Uh, who's Abbie Hoffman? Okay.
Okay, okay.
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
No! Okay, you meet me there at 8:00.
Okay.
Okay.
You were great.
You two seem pretty cozy.
Oh.
He asked me to go to this luau tomorrow night.
Well, you aren't going, are you? No way! No way.
Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Hi, Wild Thing.
Help! Help! What am I doin' here? I feel incredibly sophomoric.
Give yourself a break, Sam.
You've always been a genius.
You never had a chance to goof off like the rest of us.
Okay, I know I'm supposed to be enjoying this, but I'm not.
Well that's because you're a triple-A, super-duper, overachiever type of personality.
Unless you're re-inventing the wheel every 33 seconds, you're not happy.
Are you saying I don't know how to have fun? Well, that's a relative term.
Fun for you is ancient languages, quantum physics.
But for Scooter and Guna and Shooting water balloons and stealing stealing basketballs.
Yeah.
I g I guess I don't know how to have fun if that's what fun is.
Sure, you do.
Lookit.
Nobody has fun all the time.
Not even me.
Well, there's a news flash.
You're between "funs.
" Between "funs"? This is all gonna be over by 9:00 tomorrow night anyway.
All you gotta do is hang in there until you stop Elizabeth from setting off the bomb and then you leap out of here, and then you never have to do sophomoric pranks ever again.
I guess I can make it until then.
Spoken like a true martyr.
Help! Help! There's a bomb in the chemistry building.
That's right.
There's a bomb in the chemistry building.
Not a blonde.
A bomb.
Geez, these guys can't even get a prank right.
That's really stupid.
You know that? Oh, much pain! Much pain! Sorry.
'If a gas has a volume of 200 milliliters at 20 degrees centigrade and 750 millimeters of pressure, If we change it to 12 degrees centigrade and 637 millimeters of pressure, what is its new volume?" I'll tell you what my grade's gonna be.
Same as before F-minus.
Ow! Wild Thing, I think I love you.
What? We'll sit behind you during the test.
But that would be cheating.
- So? - How are you ever gonna learn it? We don't wanna learn how to do it.
We just wanna pass the course.
No way.
Forget it.
Well, then, I've got about as much chance of passing as Scooter does in losing his virginity.
Hey! Well, since you won't help us, I think we should do something incredibly stupid and pointless to raise our spirits in anticipation of our upcoming massacre.
Damn right.
Oh, I think that looks great! I don't know.
I still think he's kinda cute.
Oh, please! He's a freshman.
Come on.
Boy, oh, boy! This gets the adrenaline pumping! Al Al This is great stuff.
Oh, I used to love this stuff.
Did I do this when I was in college? You were 16 years old when you were in college.
You were a mega-nerd.
Face it.
Come on.
Okay.
We can start now.
They're using cigarettes.
You can't flush 'em, and you gotta flush 'em or else what's the point, you know? So tell 'em.
Go on.
You guys gonna flush 'em? There's not enough time to escape.
Flush 'em? Well, you make the fuse longer.
You use fuses from the other cherry bombs.
You make the fuses longer from the other cherry bombs.
Just stick 'em together.
And stick 'em together.
Scooter's gum! Get his gum! Cough it up.
Scooter! Cut it out! Okay, gum! Oh, it's really slimy.
Slimy! Right, right, right.
Whoa! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh, the fuses were a lot slower in my day! Knut! Whoa! Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Look, um, let me just start all over again.
I'm sorry about the bathroom Look, Knut, you and I are different.
We live in completely disparate worlds.
Sort of like the Montagues and the Capulets? Exactly.
All you care about is beer and partying, and I'm trying to Trying to change the world.
I - I know.
But do you think that violence is the way to do it? It's the only voice the bloated ruling class can understand.
Do you really believe that? What Duck says? I mean, don't you see? If you use violence, you are as morally corrupt as the people you're fighting against.
Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
Elizabeth, violence is not gonna stop this war.
But we've gotta end it.
Too many people are dying.
Then stop it by using something more powerful than violence.
Well, I'm afraid God seems to be sitting this one out.
I wouldn't be too sure about that.
I know this is a cliché, but the pen is mightier than the sword.
Time for rhetoric is over! You haven't even begun yet.
Do you think 20 people at an outdoor rally is a big deal? You need 20,000, 20 million! That's impossible.
Not with a pen.
Not with publicity.
In any form newspapers, magazines, pamphlets, television.
Television? Television is gonna play a big part in stopping this war.
Publicity is the key, not violence.
The only reason why you're saying this to me is because you want me to go to some party with you.
You don't care about the people over there.
You don't care about how many soldiers are dying.
- I do care.
- Hey, hey.
Let her go.
Just stay out of this.
Back off! Don't! Don't! Stop it! Look, I lost a brother in Vietnam, all right? So don't tell me I don't care.
Well, maybe you should've cared just a little more about him before he went.
Knut! I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah.
Um So what are you supposed to wear to these luau things? Great, uh Great party, huh? Uh, yeah, yeah.
It reminds me of my parents' cocktail parties.
Huh? Oh, a lot of people talking, but no one really listening.
Find the limbo pole! Your mom and dad don't listen to you? I think you're on to something there, Sam.
Well, you know parents.
Uh, always busy.
Daddy making a lot of money, Mom busy spending it.
And you get lost in between.
I mean I mean, you know what I mean.
, It's like sometimes I feel like I'm shouting at the top of my lungs, and nobody seems to hear me.
You know, "Hello! Is anybody home?" Exactly.
Exactly.
By the way, you look terrific.
That's a great shirt.
You want a drink? Please.
That would be great.
Uh, Knut, you know, I was really thinking about what you said this afternoon, and, uh, you were right.
Oh, well Hey, hey, hey, Wild Thing.
I'm gonna get myself a mai tai.
I just Let Let's go in the other room, okay? It'll be a little less crowded, I hope.
Oh, okay.
Hey, hey, where you goin'? - Excuse us.
Excuse us.
Look, I just I I wanna apologize about comin' down on you so hard about all this stuff, and Well, you were right.
Publicity is the key.
I mean, look at Look what you did to the toilets at our dorm.
It spread across the campus in a matter of seconds.
- Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? - That was just a stupid prank though.
We never should have done that.
Well, because it made no point.
But had it been a symbolic gesture trying to draw attention to a serious problem, then that would have been the best way to go about it.
What are you saying? Tonight we're gonna do to the chemistry department what they have been doing all over South Vietnam.
We're gonna bomb it.
That is crazy! No! No, it'll draw attention to the carnage they're causing in Vietnam.
And-And maybe we can end this war just that much sooner so nobody else's brother has to die.
And we would've never thought of it if you hadn't blown up those toilets.
Elizabeth, I can't let you do this.
It's too late.
What do you mean, too late? Maybe she put a timing device on the bomb, and that's how come she could still be here.
I gotta call Security.
What? No, you can't do that! I'll get in trouble! Don't you understand? Someone's gonna die because of this! No.
Nobody's gonna die.
Nobody's there.
The building's empty.
Not tonight! Hey, Wild Thing! I need a phone! What's wrong with the one right there? Operator.
Operator.
Operator! Yeah, listen.
I need Campus Security immediately.
This is an emergency.
Come on.
Uh, yeah.
Hello.
Security? I'd like to report a bomb in the chemistry building.
My name is Sam Uh, Wileton.
My name is Wileton.
Yeah, right.
Knut Wileton.
No, this is not a prank! This is real Hello? Damn it.
Sam, try it again! They won't believe me.
That's the fourth call they've had about a bomb this week.
- Hey, Thing.
You seen Scooter? - No, I haven't.
See, I told you he'd never make it.
Well, maybe he got lucky.
- Get outta here.
- Make what? We told him he had to sneak into the chemistry lab and steal a copy of Monday's exam.
Normally, you're the best man for thejob.
But since you wouldn't let us cheat off you, we knew you'd never go for it.
- He should've been back by now.
- Sam, it's quarter to 9:00.
Don't you see? This is no longer a publicity stunt.
Scooter's gonna die.
Oh, my God.
Please tell me Just tell me where it is.
Uh, it's in a locker on the top floor of the chemistry building.
Wait! Knut! Man, how does he do it? Maybe he uses deodorant.
What are you doin' here? You're supposed to be gettin' blown up! Hey, hey.
Did you get the exam? I didn't get it.
Sam! Come back! Scooter's here! Sam, if you don't come back, Ziggy says it's you and Elizabeth who are gonna get killed! Sam! Hey, where's Wild Thing goin'? He's protecting the honor ofTau Kappa Beta, you moron.
He's gettin' the exam.
Knut! Scooter? Knut, here! Sam, he's okay! He came back to the frat house! We gotta get you and Elizabeth out of here! I can't! Somebody else might come in here.
What's the combination? Right 28.
Left 7.
Right 13.
I mean, 19! Okay, 28, 7, 19.
Hurry up, Sam! Nineteen Oh, boy.
We've got four minutes and 37 seconds.
Do you know how to take this thing apart? No.
Uh, Duck made it.
Hang on.
Look.
See that blue grommet on the top there? - Yeah.
- Don't touch it.
That's the trigger device.
Probably.
Famous last words.
You've gotta cut four wires, in sequence, in about five seconds.
Cut? You got anything to cut with in there? Five seconds? Uh, no.
Yes, five seconds.
No, I don't.
Try the lab, Sam.
Get something in there.
Get two scissors, because she's gotta help you.
Come on, Sam.
Here.
Take one.
All right.
Okay, now white, red, blue, orange.
White, red, blue orange.
Three minutes, 52 seconds.
You gotta cut these, but do 'em in the order I tell you to, okay? Have her do the white and red.
You do the white and the red.
And you do the blue and the orange.
Do the blue and the orange.
Ready? Do it! Do it! White.
White.
- Red.
- Red.
Blue, orange.
Orange.
Get the orange! Hurry, Sam! Orange.
Ahh! Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
You can say that again.
You did it, Sam! Only three minutes and 25 seconds left.
Twenty-four, 22, 20 Sam, it's still counting down! That's impossible.
What's impossible? Unless Unless Duck didn't trust her and there's two bombs! Two bombs! Two bombs? - Duck! - Good job.
Tell me where the other bomb is.
What are you talking about? Duck, I told him.
He said somebody was gonna get killed.
Three minutes and eight seconds.
Sam, we gotta get out of here.
And you believed him? Tell me where the other bomb is.
I'm not tellin' you anything.
Duck, please! Stop it! You're not gettin' out of here until you tell me where the other bomb is.
Man, you really are crazy.
That's why they call me the Wild Thing.
Knut! Hey! Get him, Wild Thing! Hit him in the head! Hit him! Get his legs! Fifty seconds, Sam! Knock off theJohn Wayne stuff.
We gotta get out of here.
Bone-crusher.
Come on, Wild Thing! Give him the head thing with the knuckle.
Do the knuckle thing.
- Everybody get out of here! - Stop it! Let's get out of here! Spread out! Let go! It's gonna take out this whole top floor! Thirty seconds, Sam! Thirty seconds, Duck.
You ready to die? Huh? Come on, Duck.
Go to hell.
Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing! Thing! Come on, Duck.
I'll stay in here with you.
Twenty-five seconds.
Come on, Duck.
Where is it? It's fail-safe, Sam! If that bomb goes off, there's no time to get out of here.
We're all gonna go up! Twenty seconds, Duck! It's taped to the back of the oxygen tanks! Fifteen seconds, Sam! Thirteen seconds, Sam.
Twelve, 11 Hold it.
Hold it still.
Nine.
Eight.
Prepare torpedoes.
Torpedoes! Get the window! - Five, four - Put it up! - Hold it! - Two.
One.
Fire! Get down! Bitchin'! Wild thing You make my heart sing You make everything groovy - Hey.
- Oh, thanks.
What's the matter? Uh, I keep thinking about what almost happened.
Elizabeth, don't torture yourself.
Nobody got hurt.
I know.
I know.
But I really should've listened to you.
God, I am really almost like my own father.
Well, you know, maybe Maybe that's what this is all about.
Only, you just got confused.
What do you mean? Well, I mean, what if what you were trying to do on some subconscious level was to try and get your parents to notice you again? But I really do care what's happening in Vietnam! I - I know you do.
And that's great.
But if you could get your parents to notice your work against the war, then they might notice you too.
Right? I guess.
Except this time, you just got a little carried away, that's all.
Yeah.
You know, I have to tell you that one day this war's gonna end because people like you keep chipping away at it.
And that's the only way you're gonna break through to your parents too inch by inch.
So don't give up, all right? On either of'em.
Okay.
Okay.
Gee, enough boredom and boring speeches.
You wanna dance? Sure.
Come on.
What? Sorry, man.
It's showtime! Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Al, what's happening? Elizabeth goes back to her parents and ends up a major player in helping to stop the war! Then I should be leaping! Yeah, but first you got to change! - Change? - Maybe you're here to do something else.
I summon thee, O God of the Luau! Al, this is ridiculous.
I don't know, Sam.
Looks pretty neat.
Why haven't I leaped? Uh, Ziggy says you gotta jump in the pool first.
You serious? Yeah.
It seems when Knut did it, uh, he missed.
Uh-oh.
It left him paralyzed.
Come on.
It's just a couple of feet.
Well, it only takes a teaspoon of water to drown you.
- He drowned? - No.
No.
He broke his neck.
I am the great Tau-waii Kappa-lua Beta-Hiti, God of the Luau.
Let no man refuse my hospitality tonight, lest he shall be forced to suffer through the deaths of a thousand limbos! Ooh! - Bimbo.
- Limbo.
Bimbo.
Lim Therefore, my children, go.
Eat with your fingers.
Drink with your toes.
Dance with your lips until the dawn smiles down upon your warm, unconscious bodies.
I am Tau-waii, the great Kappa-lua Beta-Hiti, God of the Luau, and I leave you with this message! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! - Go get it! - T.
K.
B is the life for me! - T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! - Go get it! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! What the T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! Uh-oh.
T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! Oh, now I know how Knut broke his neck.
T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! Sam! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! If you wanna leap, you gotta leap.
T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! Wild Thing! Wild Thing! Aloha, Sam.
T.
K.
B is the life for me.
T.
K.
B.
is the life for me! I bought that shirt with my own money! That is my Queen T-shirt! It's not yours, jerk! Read my lips, barf-head.
That's my shirt, and I want it back.
Mommy! Wookiee ate my doll.
Mommy! Mom! I'm a mommy.