Queenie (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

New Year, Old Problems

five, four, three, two, one.
CLOCK BEEPS Happy New Year!
New year, new me.
Sleep hygiene is out the window,
but tidy space, tidy mind.
Let me just stay
inside and clean,
because guess what's outside?
Men. And men leads to sex,
and we're not
doing sex any more.
No. No, we are not.
But why did Tom text me?
He must miss me. Nope!
Doesn't matter. No more men.
New Year's resolution
one - fuck all men.
Not literally, obviously.
As that kind of behaviour has
landed me in a bag of trouble.
Moving forward. A
I'll only be talking to men who
are attached and thus unavailable.
B - if I do speak to
men who are single,
just don't don't
have sex with them.
C - no more Guy.
Never again.
Resolution two
Cut your phone screen time
down by at least half.
Hi, guys. We're out on our
country walk. Say hi, everyone.
For Auld Lang Syne, my dear
For Auld Lang Syne. ♪
Better to be in
here than out there.
New year, new me.
This isn't a resolution,
this is a revolution.
Babe. Stop.
Stop it!
Resolution three -
better vibes, in general,
across all elements
of your life and day.
Look, all of my best friends
are having a nice time.
I can, too.
Happy New Year to me.
So, Ted, how was the
rest of your Crimbo?
Crimbo? Who says that? Stop it!
Do not approach him like
that. You know what?
It's probably fine.
This is all very fine.
What happened at Christmas
was a drunken slip up.
We can just ignore it and
go back to being friends.
Ugh! This is gonna
be so awkward. Fuck!
No, calm down. It's fine.
You're fine. Everything's
Well, I hate Daddy's new
girlfriend, too, but we
Gina, I have an idea and
Oh! I'll call you back.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to
interrupt. Oh, it's fine.
You wait until the man you
love starts loving someone new,
that's when the
heartbreak really sets in.
That won't happen. Tom
definitely isn't the kind of guy
to jump from girlfriend
to girlfriend
Remember your
resolutions! No more men.
Oh, thank you for coming in
over Christmas, by the way. Mm.
How was the office? I
mean, quiet, I presume.
Um Y Mm-hm, yeah.
It was quiet and, uh
It was quiet and
Uh, this idea.
Oh. OK. So,
"New Year's Resolutions or
New Year's Revolutions -
"Exploring through each
"of my own resolutions
how we could make or use
"the hopefulness of the
New Year to inspire us
"to make systemic
revolutionary change."
And, and I created this
Can I stop you there?
It's fantastically contemporary.
So make it, make it pacy
and fun and accessible.
OK. Yes. Oh, Gina, I
will not let you down.
Thank you.
Darcy. Hmm? She's
letting me write it.
Write what? Uh, the resolutions
article I messaged you about. Come on.
Oh, that's great.
You all right?
Yes, Queenie, I'm
fine. I'm working.
One of my New Year's
resolutions is
to heighten my
productivity by 30%. So,
maybe you should get
started on that piece.
All right. All right, well
Lunch, though? Yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Let's just get our heads
down till then. OK.
Don't let Ted be in there.
Don't let Ted be in there.
Don't let Ted be.. SHE GROANS
Mm-hm. All right.
Let's get the first encounter
post-smash over and done with,
and let's keep it chill
and let's keep it breezy.
Happy New Year.
Uh, yeah. Yeah, you too.
Oh, OK. Fucking's fine, but
touching is not. Got it.
How was the rest of your
Christmas? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it was It, it was good.
Sorry, uh, this
is, this is Jess.
She, she came in to do a-a
workshop on unconscious bias.
She'll be doing a few throughout
the day, you should, erm,
you should definitely try and
check it out, if you get there.
I know you're in
the office, Ted,
but is that how you
introduce your wife?
No. Um, sorry.
OK. Erm, cool. It's
Uh, it was good to catch up. Yeah,
you too. I'm gonna go and OK.
I'm gonna go and do some work.
Uh, should we?
Who's that girl?
Oh. N-No-one.
No-one. Uh, no, she's a colleague.
Uh, I can It's happened again,
hasn't it? What has? No. No!
I wouldn't have thought
she was your type.
No, sh-she's not I Jess.
Why wasn't he wearing a ring?
Did I miss him doing a
wife drop? Why did he
I would have never had
sex with him if I'd known.
You see! This is why we
don't fuck our friends,
because now, we
can't be friends.
Well, in the words of
the great Vybz Kartel,
"As one gone, a next one born."
Hey, stranger.
You good, bro?
Babe, get in the
car. Is that her?
This must be that
big bitch whose big,
size 18 knickers were in
your glovebox, yeah? Babe
Why is she bringing my knickers into it?
Please, please, please. Baby, please.
I don't know this girl. Let's
get back in the car. No? Come on.
I stopped being some
silly little girl
a long time ago. I'm your wife!
When he said things
were complicated,
I didn't realise they
were still together.
All right, all right, all right!
Oh, don't you dare. Yeah, right.
You big Kala bitch.
Look at you.
Coming over to our
car in broad daylight,
flirting with my man
in front of my face?
Just because you can't get a man
doesn't mean you can take mine.
All right, let's talk about this at
home, man. Come on. Don't touch me!
Harlot is a deep pit.
An adulterous woman
is a narrow well.
OK! Bit harsh.
The home-wrecker strikes again.
There she goes.
So, Ted is married.
It's not as complicated with
his wife as Adi told me it was.
What do these married
men want from me?
Or am I the problem?
I hope you're OK, but I hope
you've learned a lesson from this.
Oh, Queenie. Drama
again? Anyway,
looking forward to
brunch tomorrow.
It would be good to
see you in person.
I need your advice for once.
See? This is why you shouldn't
fuck too close to home.
Oh. I am the problem.
Rupert and Nell aren't back yet.
Open up, open up, open up. ♪
Sh! Shit. Ugh.
Come on, Queenie!
Guy, what do you want?
Oh, there you are.
Open the door, sexy lady.
No. Thank you.
You what? Fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck.
You don't miss this?
Stop! Stop! Let's get it
on. Stop! Stop it! Stop!
Thank you. Fucking hell. Ah!
Oh, have you got any food? I'm
starving! Fucking hell! Stop. Shush.
Just shut up! Guy!
Stop it! Stop, stop!
Stop touching things.
Who's your daddy? Wait.
Who is your daddy?
From what I remember,
a very nice man.
Slightly uninterested
in me, though. Hey!
Hey, can you just
Hey, no, stop.
Can you get out? Cos I'm about
to go to sleep, OK? Just
Oh, come here. Oh, my gosh. Guy,
seriously, stop it. I mean it.
Oh, I love it when
you play hard to get.
Come on, I want to make you wet.
Oh, my gosh. OK, uh, how
about How about
How about we do a little
bit of role reversal?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah? Love that. OK.
What are you doing?
Uh, why would you do that?
To get you to pay attention.
We are not having sex,
I already told
you, not any more.
How about now? No, no. Stop,
stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
All you men do is
bring me stress, man.
What are you, my moody wife?
You're not actually
married, are you?
Don't be silly.
Close your eyes. What?
Just do it. Open your mouth.
Fuck, yeah!
Swallow that and sober up a
bit. You can sleep on the sofa,
but I mean it. You are
not seeing me again.
Aw, Queenie, come on!
Come on, it's lonely down there.
Guy, can you just
be fucking for real?
You just go downstairs, man.
Aw, come on, Queenie. Look,
you know you want this.
This hat is new. Grrr! Nope,
nope, nope, nope. What?
No, no, no. Where you
going? I'm going downstairs.
What the fuck?
That better count as a
completed resolution.
My God, you look like shit.
Don't tell me you've
forgotten. Brunch.
Shit. I tried calling you,
but you didn't pick up.
Yeah, uh, I think my
phone was on silent.
Look, I-I didn't really manage
to get that much sleep, Cass.
Would you mind if we did
this another day? No.
I'll not hear it. We
are going to brunch.
I did not make the pilgrimage
all the way from North London
to be rejected at your door because
you are hungover, or whatever.
Everything OK?
Not really.
Why? What's happened?
I haven't heard from him
since New Year's Eve.
This is the guy
that you're seeing?
Yes, Queenie.
I feel like he's
breadcrumbing me.
He gives me a bit of affection
and then he takes it away
and then he gives it again. He's
good at replying to my messages
and then he ignores me for days.
I don't know where I
stand half the time.
Yeah, well, Cassandra, have
you spoken to him about this?
We were talking about
kids at New Year's.
Look, uh
If he can't see how
amazing you are,
he's not really worth
crying over, is he?
Yeah. You're right. Yeah.
Anyway, we'll get into it
properly at brunch. Go get ready.
forgot about him. "Him"?
I thought you weren't doing the
whole "avoiding your feelings"
"by pursuing meaningless sex
on dating apps" thing any more.
rolls off her tongue.
SHE SCOFFS Yeah, well
It's not my fault, actually.
He turned up in the
middle of the night, so
Get up here, now.
I'm hungry and horny.
Mostly horny. QUEENIE SIGHS
Just let me go, Let me go and
get rid of him. Wait. What?
Trust me, he is not
worthy of an introduction.
No No, no, no, no, no.
What? What, Cassandra?
why the fuck are you
fucking my boyfriend?
Uh Your boyfriend?
Of course this has happened.
Of course she's done this.
Sorry, done what?
Do you think I knew that he
was your boyfriend? Shut up.
Don't you go anywhere,
you pathetic worm.
Cassandra, I'm sorry, but I-I
didn't know. STAMMERING: You
You know that I I told you
to shut up. But you can't.
Because you can never do
what you're meant to do.
It's not enough for you
to fuck up your own life,
you have to bring everyone
else's down with you.
No wonder nobody
wants you, Queenie.
Cassandra, that
Anyway, I won't intrude
on you two any longer.
Have a nice time.
S-So, uh, I've
obviously DOOR OPENS
..fucked up here.
I settled for love ♪
Cassandra is right.
Nobody wants me.
Not properly, anyway.
They want my body, sure, but
..the rest?
Not so much.
The last person that loved
me wanted to let me go.
And called me a flower
But still broke my heart ♪
You picked all my petals ♪
Uh It's me.
Can I come up?
Hi. Uh, no.
No, thank you. Not today.
Uh, fine, could you
Could you, um
Could you at least come
down, please? Could you?
Could you at least buzz me in?
It's raining.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is going on? What you doing
here? I'm sorry, I didn't know
that I was gonna turn up
here. It's just that it
It was raining. It was raining,
and I And I was walking,
and before I knew it, I-I-I
was here and OK. Right, I
Like, you need to go.
No. Wait, wait. I just
I just, I have to
say something first.
I I-I don't know how these
last few months have been for you.
They've been bad for me.
Bad, bad.
Eh, you can't just show up here
like that, OK? It's not fair.
I know, I know.
And you know, I SHE SIGHS
Tom, I know I didn't tell
you all of my stuff, but
..I promise I told
you what I could.
And I'm so far away from where
I was when I was with you.
I don't even recognise myself.
You know, we used to speak about
marriage and babies, and
Just at the time, I didn't
think I could do it.
I was scared.
SOFTLY: Really, really scared.
And now I'm even more scared.
I'm scared that I lost you and
the marriage and the babies
and everything we used to
talk OK, Queenie, Queenie
No, no, wait Wait, no, hold on.
Just let me land, OK? Because
..I've been just so lonely.
I've been having all this, like,
random sex with these guys that
Fucking random guys that treat
my body like it's not attached
to a person that has feelings.
And I-I think that's
that's my fault as well,
because I just go along with
it. I don't even say anything,
but that's It's only because
I'm trying to feel the way I felt
when I was with you,
and my point is
My My point is,
is that I miss you.
I miss you so much.
And I'm scared of who
I'm becoming without you.
I d You
Just No, no, no.
Right, you You got to go.
You're not listening
to me, I'm I am.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
You realise that is the first
time you've ever apologised.
Like, after everything.
Like, pushing me away
Like mood swings,
lashing out at me.
That is the first time
you've ever said sorry.
OK, do you?
Do you remember at
your parents'? Yeah
At your mum's birthday Mm-hm.
Before the cake.
When I had a bad day,
and you asked me why,
and I couldn't say.
SOFTLY: Queenie I-I
I mean, look. Do you know
what? It's too late anyway.
OK? It was too late months ago.
I mean, I thought you got this.
No. You sent that text at Christmas,
and it had a kiss on the end.
I know. All right. Jesus Christ.
Look, I-I knew you'd read into that.
You even knew what I was gonna
read into? Sorry to interrupt.
Is everything OK, Tom?
I didn't want you to find out
like this, obviously. I
It's fine.
I hope she's not
too much for you.
Look, I'm sorry, OK?
Reading about it, turning ♪
Allowing myself to fade ♪
..in the story about him
Kiss me in chapters
Love me in writing
I'll be your coat in the
thunder and lightning ♪
Ted. I don't have time for
this, Queenie, all right?
What do you mean? W-Where are you
going? Why are you ignoring me?
My office, please.
Do you know? I'm really sorry.
I know I need to get that
piece to you, and I'm
I'm almost done,
actually. Queenie, stop.
This is Juliet from HR.
Hi, Juliet from HR.
Is everything all right?
Queenie, this crush
you've had on Ted,
it's It's completely
This is the workplace!
Something I feel that I've had
to repeatedly remind you of
these last few weeks.
A crush on Ted?
Well, he's
He's gone to HR with
a serious allegation
about inappropriate behaviour.
Maybe it's best that you
take some time away from work
while we look into
it. You're firing me?
No, not firing
Look, Juliet, uh, will talk you
through the investigation procedure.
Uh, no, no, but, Gina,
you know me. You
You know me! I OK,
I know I've been late,
and, yeah, I've I've
been messing up, but I
I mean, he's You
You keep your benefits.
This might be a good time
for you to look into the
..therapy the company offers.
Why are you believing him?
Why are you believing
him over me?
You'll be notified of next
steps by letter as soon as
the investigation
procedure is under way.
DISTANTLY: What you doing?
What's happened?
Queenie. Hello? BACKGROUND
Come upstairs and I'll
Show you where all my
Where my demons hide from you
Just look at who
I have become ♪
"You're too much, Queenie."
"Maybe sex isn't the best way "to
feel better about yourself"
"I don't have time for
this, Queenie, all right?"
"This is the workplace.
"Something I feel that I've had
to repeatedly remind you of"
SOFTLY: "I didn't want you to
find out like this, obviously."
"You're lucky I let this
likkle girl into my home."
"No wonder nobody
wants you, Queenie."
..hate myself ♪
Unfold me
And teach me
How to be ♪
I think she needs therapy.
What you know about therapy?
Nobody in our family needs therapy.
I know, but look at her though
She just needs to take a
couple of deep breaths.
Come on. Queenie, breathe.
Breathe, Queenie.
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