Queens (2021) s01e03 Episode Script
Who You Calling a Bitch?
1
You couldn't even give me the
satisfaction of being pissed!
You had to go and catch cancer!
ERIC: Before we messed it all up,
we had something good and pure.
NAOMI: He wasn't ready to be a dad.
I gave my true self to an audience for the first time.
Our first solo show in 20 years.
Let's get it, girls.
Gimme what I need and I'll be your nasty girl Your nasty girl NAOMI: "It all started restarted innocently enough, with an epic return at the 2021 BET Awards.
Then, it fell in a hole.
Literally.
" [BOTH SCREAM.]
- Oh.
- You good? - Girl.
- Should we call an ambulance? "Fortunately, an ambulance wasn't needed.
Unfortunately, the whole debacle was simply the amuse-bouche in an endless tasting menu of embarrassment.
" Told you that hole was a bad idea.
"After a few lifeless renditions of the group's classic hits, Jill Da Thrill simply " I forgot my lyrics, yo.
"Then the audience was hit with an unplanned intermission that lasted seven minutes.
" - [AUDIENCE BOOING.]
- You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray James is a Gremlin when he doesn't sleep.
"If it was just a bad performance, the group could be forgiven.
" Wait, this dude's name is actually Lando Sarkesian? I can't.
Ugh.
"But the underlying problem is America's unending appetite for nostalgia acts, stuck in time.
They don't grow, because they can't.
In the case of the Nasty Bitches, we find a group of middle-aged women rapping about money, sex, drugs, and other frivolities that, while immature in 1999, feel downright dishonest in 2021.
" I know a hitman.
"If seeing out-of-touch rappers is your thing, please queue up for the next Nasty Bitches show, - with the Spin Doctors, at your county fair.
" - Oh.
How the hell do we come back from this? Last night took an L, but tonight I bounce back, boy Can we talk about something other than how much we suck for a minute? I need to stop shaking with rage.
Jeff's memory came back.
He feels terrible and all, but I can't stand to be in the same room as him.
You need to talk to him.
I'm sure you've got questions.
Of course.
"Why? What went wrong? What did I do wrong?" You didn't do anything.
Listen, from a man's perspective ALL: Shut up.
After Lando Sarkesian, men are on mute for the rest of the day.
You call that divorce attorney yet? You might not go through with it, but you have to be prepared.
Women don't prepare for divorce like men.
I cussed out a priest.
Tina and I are good, though.
I'm embracing this next chapter.
I agreed to do an interview with Out magazine.
Oh, Jill, that's great.
Really.
Jojo's flying in today for an audition with the Hellman School of Music.
And I'm nervous.
I mean, not for her.
It's just that we have a lot we need to talk about.
Mm.
Well, that review reeked of misogyny.
[CHUCKLES.]
Misogynoir.
- Sexism.
- Racism.
But it wasn't wrong.
We sucked.
Just saying.
We were feeling ourselves after the BET Awards, and we hopped back onstage with no preparation.
What did we expect? So, we book another show, crush it.
TOGETHER: Speak! I called around.
We'd be lucky to open up for Chuck E.
Cheese.
His band.
The creepy robot things.
Did they have a name? Oh.
Are we done, yo? Yo, I gave up a solo deal for us, and the only way I regret it is if we throw in the towel over Lando Sarkesian.
Munch's Make Believe Band.
That's the name.
Uh, Chuck E.
's band.
- New music.
- Yep.
- What? - We need new music.
We need a refresh if we're gonna pop.
Yep.
We need to represent who we are now.
We need to fly the flag for real, grown-up women who have been through real life.
Oh.
Amen.
So, yo, you got a beat, or what? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Whoa! - Whoo! - Like that.
- Uh-huh? That's bananas.
Yeah, it was gonna go on Muffin's album, but it was a little too hardcore.
Mnh-mnh.
Nah.
Next.
- You don't like that? - Mnh-mnh.
- But are we hardcore? - We're Nasty Bitches.
JILL: I mean, but are we? Anymore? Honestly? I-I think the name is starting to feel a little disingenuous, like a lot of my lyrics.
We're trying to make a comeback, and you want to change the name of the group? That's bad business.
We were ahead of our time, like N.
W.
A.
The name is subversive.
In '99, that's what they called us.
We took it, we owned it.
'99? Of today.
I mean, Hillary nasty.
AOC a bitch.
Kamala Take your pick.
I mean, our name is a statement.
It's iconic.
Listen, it's enough people out there calling Black women bitches.
- Do we have to, too? - Mm.
Man, y'all are trippin'.
You want to switch our whole steeze up just because Valeria tiptoed her ass into a hole? Man, play the next beat.
A'ight.
This one right here is a banger.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Wait for it.
- Ooh! - Wait for it.
Ooh.
[HUMS.]
- Play with it.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, but this doesn't feel right, either.
Goodness.
This is not how we work.
I pick the beat, then I lay out a general concept, write some stuff, and then, boom, we're off to the races.
Nah, chick, that was before.
Excuse me? Listen, we're trying to figure out what we sound like now.
We all need to be a part of that.
- We all need a voice.
- No, we need a hit, which means I need to do my thing.
I mean, you and Jill wrote some great stuff back in the day, but I wrote everything for Valeria.
- That doesn't mean I can't.
- Child, sit down.
Listen, the only reason why I didn't write every one of my verses is because I was too busy having a good time.
[CHUCKLES.]
I didn't have an egomaniacal need to be the Mozart of hip-hop.
Wait, so my ego is the reason why we had hits? Okay, look, I think what Bree is saying Is that I'm every bit just as dope a lyricist as you.
That wasn't what I thought she was saying.
I'm-a let you walk that back before you get hurt.
Uh, I ain't scared of you.
Please, girl.
You don't want none of this, okay? I don't just beat bitches.
I ruin careers.
Ask Foxy.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Let's battle.
If I win, though, we do it a new way.
We all go off, write our own verses, and each voice gets heard.
If you win, we'll bow down.
Okay, okay, okay.
If y'all are gonna do this, just keep it clean, okay? - We're friends.
- Friends? No, this is hip-hop, all right? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS.]
This ain't Milli Vanilli You think we your puppets That's the difference We tryin' to have our own voice heard But you ain't listenin' You so high on your pedestal Thinkin' you got control of what you let us do My pen is equally incredible - Okay.
- Okay.
I ain't just looks, I'm not your pretty little ornament It's like Miyagi versus Daniel in the tournament Supposed to be a Queens thing, but you made it difficult Supposed to be a team thing, not you individual So maybe go and get your own deal Nobody wanna walk in your shoes, baby We got our own heels - Yes! Yeah! - Uh-huh Unh, ay, yo, first off, Brianna You not on my level ever Better go tuck dem kids in And tell 'em why Daddy left 'em Tell 'em no fairy tales or no happily ever after Tell your daughter her mother Was more a stripper than rapper - Ouch! Hey, quiet down and shape up You always second place up in this race But show that model face without the makeup You gave new meaning to "Around the Way Girl" "Nasty" meant lyrics, not spread your legs to the world - Oh! Okay.
- O okay.
Okay.
VALERIA: Whoo! You take that.
You got that one.
Eric, gimme something I can bop to.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Unh Oh, you wanna take it there Gloves off, no playin' fair Who's your baby daddy, when you met him? Come on, name the year You too busy shadowboxing in the mirror to be a mom I could give you pointers But you prolly still would get it wrong You just got a complex Everything's a context Napoleon, more like dynamite, with your bomb threats I am not the same little Brianna in that prom dress Who caught you rockin' more than just a mic Up in the projects My mirror on the wall, huh Say I'm Michael Jackson, babe Your mirror off the wall Ugly attitude breakin' glass You just wanna whine and complain Drinking wine like a wino I'm just tryin' to shine, endin' mine on a high note Every rapper's sex toy You decide to show up now? Bitin' my style so you could act like you the golden child Always late for interviews Too busy up in the dude Now you wanna write your rhymes Before, money was it for you If you wasn't pretty, everybody'd be dissin' you - Wow! Wow! Really? - Nobody's missin' you Not a visionary Nothin' that you say we wanna listen to You gotta be lyrical to spit the truth And I can count the years I couldn't even get you in the booth - Blah! Eee! - Wow.
Okay.
- Ooh! - Low blows, low blows.
- Mm, you got that one.
- Okay.
Hey, yo, next one takes the whole thing.
You know what I want.
Let's go.
- [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Ay, yo, first off, Bree You a mini version of me And second of all, Jill ain't got the skills to be ill So me writin' your rhymes is the much better design I started this group I coulda left your ass behind But my pen hit the pad, it's only top of the charts And now, just like your marriage - You want us to fall apart - Wow! It's jealousy, and I can't even say it any clearer You spendin' too much time in the mirror You're tryin' to be the mommy or a don You a copy and a fraud You Johnny, I'll be Bobby, my new edition is strong So, run along, Tyra, we can't bank on you And a leader, we can't put that rank on you - Unh - Ay, yo, stop the beat.
- I'm-a go off top.
- [RECORD SCRATCHES.]
It's called growth and maturity You stuck in the past An insecure, scared little girl Now I'm spankin' that ass This is a wake-up call We ain't here to go tit for tat Nasty Bitches isn't our image We no longer livin' like that But I get it, you did it to sell records Now the gimmick is done Pullin' the wool over people and critics Like Xplicit's the only lyrical one We 'bout to rewrite our own stories And make the narrative change To show the whole world we real queens Not embarrassed and ashamed My marriage has nothin' to do with the stardom and fame I honor the pain and use it to be the goddess And slaughter the game A artist whose gold ain't tarnished I'm polished and heavy My knowledge is deadly, lyrically a problem I'll demolish your petty The lesson you taught me was win And I'm-a win for the crew To teach you the lesson that everything ain't all about you [BOTH CHEERING.]
Y'all think y'all can reinvent y'all selves without me? Good luck.
[SCOFFS.]
Why you got to be like that? BRIANNA: Because she be like that.
BRIANNA: [THINKING.]
Superwoman, I was everything Cape with the wedding ring JEFF: [GROANS.]
- Ohh.
- BRIANNA: How's your head? Oh, my brains feel like they're about to spill out - all over the floor.
- That'd be cool.
You know, we we could get a home nurse.
And add more medical debt to pay off for your cheatin' ass? No.
I should have never told you my memory came back.
Thank you.
Hey, y-you know what? Baby, y-you got to take time off from this.
I want you to go and maybe maybe get your nails done or a massage, something.
I'll be all right for a few hours.
Seriously.
Just go and do whatever it is that you've been putting off.
Which leads to questions of child abandonment.
I'm not abandoning my kids.
It's the standard custody argument against touring musicians.
Look, if Jeff is anything, he's a good dad.
We'll figure all that out.
Everyone who steps foot into my office wants to believe they're not going to war.
But you are.
You are going to war.
How many times have you said that? Hundreds.
And almost no one listens.
Bottom line divorce is terrible, so you better be damn sure you can't reconcile this marriage.
What the hell are you doing here? I got the same phone call you did.
Please, continue.
We have some questions about the vocabulary that she's learning at home.
Okay.
A-and what vocabulary would that be? - Jeff.
- No, no, no.
I'm serious.
The "B" word, of course.
Right.
Okay.
Listen, um, hmm You know, I don't know, uh, what kind of weak-ass, - like, Captain & Tennille crap - I No, I got it crap that Spotify is playing for you, Principal, but my wife was a multiple-platinum recording artist at one point, so this necklace is not just a recognition of her vibrant and and trailblazing work, but it's an homage to her group's tireless effort to rob a misogynistic slur of its power by turning it back on every listener.
Every deejay, every radio executive, every journalist in the, uh, you know, entire patriarchal structure of the music industry that felt that, uh, a word like "ho" or "slut" or "bitch" could be used to put a woman in her so-called place.
So when I see my daughter growing up in a world where she already knows that she has the freedom to see that word and to own that word and then not give one single thought of ever letting that word define her, it saddens me deeply to realize that this school is failing to uphold the ideals of progressive education and the diversity of opinion that it claims to champion.
That necklace is art.
And my wife's work is art.
And if you value what you say you do, we shouldn't have a problem here.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
BRIANNA: That was pretty dope.
It was all true.
I'm just I'm really glad that, you know, you're you're back to doing what you love.
I want to show you something.
Now, come on.
You can trust me.
Okay, you know what? I probably shouldn't have said that, but I promise It'll be worth it.
- What is that? - Just Just This was one of our very first casks, right when we opened.
Could you read the date on this bourbon, please? Our wedding day? Mm-hmm.
I was gonna wait 'til our 20th anniversary, but life is short.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Are you sure you're okay to drink? Yeah.
Well, no.
I Look, I don't know, but we needed this right now.
Baby, I'm sorry, okay? I I I can't say it enough.
I will never stop saying it.
Look, I just want to drink and enjoy the fact that I don't have the overwhelming urge to stick my finger into your eyeball.
Please don't do that, okay? Because your nails are sharp, and there's a lot of bacteria under there.
A and not just yours specifically, but everyone's.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I'm just playing.
Oh, I missed that laugh.
Listen, I-I know it's not now, but I go to bed every night just hoping that you can forgive me, that we can get back to being us.
- [CELLPHONE BUZZING.]
- Your mistress? You got to be kidding me! [HAND POUNDS.]
I can't stop this girl from calling.
- Have you spoken to her since? - No! I didn't remember who she was until two days ago.
I'll never know if that's true.
Now, why would I lie about that? Okay.
I get it.
I totally get why I would lie about it.
I'm just Please.
Hey, can we just please Baby, can we just talk, okay? Hey.
You tell me what I need to do so that I can make this right.
Okay.
Okay.
You want to talk? - Yes, I do.
- Let's talk.
Please.
I went to see a divorce lawyer today.
What? What You Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And what'd you talk about? [SCOFFS.]
What did we Horology, French bulldogs, absinthe.
What do you think we talked about? You're divorcing me? Hey, hey, baby, we we we got a family.
Do not.
Don't use those kids as a weapon, 'cause you weren't thinking about them when you were having sex with your one-eighth Peruvian student.
How long? Was she the only one? What does it matter? Answer! Yes.
Okay? And three or four months.
And it didn't mean anything to me.
It was stupid.
I love you.
And I love our family.
We sacrificed too much, babe Uh, we? [SCOFFS.]
I gave up my life for this family, my education for this family, and any sense of who I am and why I was put on this earth, for you.
I had dreams outside of this house.
I'm smarter than you, bruh.
That's facts.
I wanted to be a professor, too.
But instead, I stroked your back, nursed these kids to prop you up.
That's sacrifice! Baby, listen, okay? What can I do? Just Just Just tell me what it is that I can do, okay? Because if there's something I can do, I will do it, because I need you.
I know I don't deserve you, but I need you.
I know the choice I want you to make, but I'll respect whatever it is that you choose.
But it's the not knowing, Bree.
The not knowing is killing me.
So, what do you want to do? Hmm? Can you forgive me? Or are we done? I don't know.
You got to understand, when I was coming up in hip-hop, you were never gonna get a male audience if you didn't look like someone they'd want to get with.
I mean, it would've been career suicide if I had come out.
I'm sure your religious upbringing didn't help with your sexuality.
Oh.
My father's a deacon.
Bad enough I was rappin' in booty shorts.
I remember those.
Was religion the reason you married a man? Darren? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Um, I'm sorry.
- Um, I didn't know we were gonna talk about him.
- Oh.
I If you're not comfortable, we He's innocent in all of this.
I'd rather leave him out of it.
That's totally fair.
And noble of you.
So, what would you say is your coming-out story? America watched it live onstage at the BET Awards.
That was the first time you ever came out? What, to anyone? Well, I mean, my girlfriend, Tina, - and and the group.
- Mm.
You have a girlfriend? Yes.
What's that face? Nothing.
I just think a lot of our readers will be very sad to hear that, and incredibly jealous of this Tina.
Well, she's great.
Well, just one last question How does it feel to be the hottest lesbian in the world right now? Didn't know that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um, I'm I'm just trying to be me.
[RECORDER CLICKS.]
Listen, this goes against everything I learned at J-school, but I'm going out with some friends tonight I think you'd really hit it off with.
Off the record.
I promise.
[CHUCKLES.]
MARA: A baby celesbian.
Alicia, what do you get for that? A solid-gold toaster with diamond dials? Jill was simply brave enough to share her story with me.
PATTI: See? She comes on all innocent, and then slides in and breaks our hearts.
- What? - She's not so innocent.
- You two dated? - [LAUGHTER.]
Honey, we've all dated.
Probably 85% of the women in this bar have dated.
But you did say you've never been to a bar like this before, correct? Never.
Like, never a gay bar or never a gay bar this good? - Mara, be nice.
- It's cool.
I've never been to a gay anything.
[LAUGHTER.]
MARA: We have to keep her.
We'll be the only pack of Gold Star Lesbians with a Catholic rapper celesbian.
Sweetie, we're gonna set you up with some Audre Lorde, get you an appointment at Sally Hershberger Make sure you don't become a pillow princess right out the gate.
A pillow Oh.
[LAUGHTER.]
We just want to be sure you give as good as you get, sweetie.
Because you're gonna be able to get anything you want.
And I want to dance.
Jill's gonna help me get laid tonight.
[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You make me feel So good, so good That's just the way you make me feel So, so, so, so That's just the way you make me feel JILL: [THINKING.]
I was born to the pulpit Then became a prisoner [RINGTONE PLAYS.]
[RINGTONE STOPS.]
to the pulpit, then became a prisoner Now break the shackles and become my own minister In my church, sometimes vodka's the holy water [CELLPHONE CHIMING.]
[TEXTING.]
[CELLPHONE WHOOSHES.]
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS.]
Hey.
Where is everybody? Oh, they canceled last minute.
Something you should know about hip lesbians not the most reliable.
So what does that say about you? Ah.
Well, you're the baby gay, and I asked you out, so I have to make sure you have an okay time.
Not asked you out-out.
Just out in a group thing that happened to be just me and, uh [CHUCKLES.]
Am I digging a hole here? Because, uh, you're definitely not saying anything.
I'm definitely still talking.
It's fine.
I'm good.
The baby gay is good.
Don't worry.
Well, I have some suggestions, if you're not sure what you want.
Um Full disclosure I, uh, dated the chef.
I mean, the only reason I would come back to a place my ex worked would be if I was trying to show off someone new.
Me too.
Full disclosure I'm happy we're the only ones here.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Um [GASPS.]
- Um - Mm.
Uh, um, full Okay, full disclosure Everything that happens between us is off the record, remember? Um, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
It's down the hall, to the left.
Got that look in her eye like "yeah" Feelin' like JILL: Nothing's wrong.
I just wanted to say I miss you.
I miss home.
Then come home.
Soon.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Who's that? [SIGHS.]
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Just room service.
[DOOR OPENS.]
So, you want to tell me about Jojo's dad? [SIGHS.]
Welcome to L.
A.
How was your first plane ride? Five hours of a screaming baby next to me.
I'm just happy I'm here.
We got to hustle if we're gonna make it to Hellman on time.
You nervous? - I got this.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
BRICKENHOFF: Quite an achievement.
Hellman is one of the most esteemed music institutions in the world.
Pinch me if you see one of us, okay? But be warned.
JOJO: Don't look at the walls.
This is highly competitive.
You will likely not see these people again.
We definitely not in Atlanta.
See, this is how rich people stay thin.
Gimme.
Go introduce yourself.
Finley Rutherford.
Jojo.
Uh, what's your discipline? Discipline? - What instrument do you play? - Piano.
What's your conservatory? Grandma's living room? - Miss? - Yeah? I'd love a gin martini when you get a chance.
Do you want to die? Cone of silence My dad did say that the audition song is Bach's "Prelude & Fugue Number 2 in C minor.
" From memory? Grandma didn't teach you that one, Jojo? [CHUCKLES.]
Everything cool over here? Are you serious?! This is your mom?! Look, okay, yes, I am Xplicit Lyrics, but I'm here as a very proud mom.
Xplicit what? No, you're the lady that J.
Lo crushed when she fell in that hole.
She ain't J.
Lo, okay? [CHUCKLES.]
JOJO: I should go practice.
- What? - Good luck tomorrow.
[BACH'S "PRELUDE & FUGUE NUMBER 2 IN C MINOR" PLAYING.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[FINGERS CRACK.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[BACH'S "PRELUDE & FUGUE NUMBER 2 IN C MINOR" PLAYING.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
What? Of all the pieces they could have picked, they chose this one.
Oh, you got this.
You're every bit as talented as those other kids.
They went to elite prep schools.
Don't compare yourself to them.
That is literally the point of competition.
They have connections.
They've been on planes.
They got new shoes that aren't their grandmother's.
They don't have 15 pair of clean J's like you do, okay? I can't wear Jordans here.
Come on, Jojo.
You really gonna let a bunch of snotty jackasses get in your head? I didn't raise you that way.
You're here, supporting me for once.
Can we not turn that into you being Michelle Obama? Why you always got to take shots? I can't believe I thought I could do this.
Jojo you can't give up.
Didn't you just give up on a solo career? I don't have to explain my choices to you.
You've never explained any of your choices to me.
Like who my dad is.
This never happens to me.
I never get nervous.
But, you know, you're also usually not here.
Well, I definitely don't want to screw you up more than I have.
Good luck.
NAOMI: [THINKING.]
Your heartbeat Is like the first verse that I wrote The birth of a GOAT I look at you for purpose and hope [SIGHS.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
["C.
R.
E.
A.
M.
"/"AS LONG AS I'VE GOT YOU" PLAYING.]
That's dope.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- JOJO: [SIGHS.]
I can't play this.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
You came back.
I did.
Look, I'm nervous before every show.
Rituals help me.
Every place I play, I got a place I eat.
So, let me share my L.
A.
ritual with you tacos from El Matador.
I'm starving.
Ah.
Oh, my God.
Mm-hmm.
So good.
When I went to Nashville, I couldn't find a Black person.
Or a good place to get my hair done.
Or real hip-hop.
Atlanta is special.
Different than everywhere else.
And, baby, you were right You're not like those other kids.
And as Black women, the world tries to make us feel like different means worse.
I mean, it's harder being us, yes, but it breeds something special.
It breeds magic.
And they're scared of it because they don't have it.
But they want it.
And, Jojo, that's what you got to show 'em.
Your magic.
But you also got to feel crazy fresh when you slay tomorrow.
New shoes [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
Do you, baby.
Show them what Black girls from Atlanta are all about.
Number 23.
Next, please.
[SOFTLY.]
Jojo.
[BACH'S "PRELUDE & FUGUE NUMBER 2 IN C MINOR" PLAYING.]
["C.
R.
E.
A.
M.
"/"AS LONG AS I'VE GOT YOU" PLAYING.]
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING.]
["CRUSH ON YOU" PLAYS.]
["BODAK YELLOW" PLAYS.]
["NASTY GIRL" PLAYS.]
Now you know you wanna be with a nasty girl Know you wanna spend time in my nasty world Gimme what I need, and I'll be your nasty girl Your nasty girl Y-Your nasty girl Yes, Jojo! Y'all ain't gonna clap for my daughter? That was unbelievable, baby.
Not just unbelievable.
I'm in! - What?! - [CHUCKLES.]
Yes, my girl! Yes! Thank you.
For the tacos.
For the advice.
For these J's.
Yes.
You did that.
I'm so proud.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yo, I like that you're trying, and I like where we're going, but I know you say you don't remember.
Like, you're not keeping a secret from me.
You actually don't know.
What is it, Jojo? I need any information you have so I can look for myself.
I need to know who my dad is.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
To what do I owe the honor? I can't write.
But I can't be wrong either.
So I couldn't tell Naomi that I didn't want to write my verse, so I'm here asking for help so I can have a verse and also prove Naomi wrong, which is always awesome.
You can write.
I have stage presence, star power, but I don't got bars.
I sell the steak, Papi.
I don't kill the cow.
If we don't pop in this comeback, I am gonna be hosting "Celebrity Wipeout" with Chuck E.
Cheese.
Listen, you are a great producer.
You have helped so many artists find their voices.
I'm here.
Help me.
Okay.
I need one thing.
I say this to all my artists.
First, I need you to admit that you have something to say, that you have a voice, whether you know it or not.
I have a voice.
I have something to say.
Leggo.
VALERIA: I'm a real queen, boys feed me grapes Keep me laced, all I got is millionairess taste It's all just old.
Where did you find this? I got everything you guys ever recorded.
All the verses y'all had flown in because you couldn't be in the studio together.
Never listened to it.
Thought it might help you catch your swagger.
I'm catching nothing.
Come on.
Let's get outta here.
Go get something to eat, clear our minds, come back, refocus.
Wait, am I dressed right? Where we're going, nobody gives a crap.
Trust.
VALERIA: I didn't even know they had a Puerto Rican restaurant in L.
A.
Mm.
It's amazing what you find when you leave Mulholland Drive.
And this? This is good.
I come here a lot.
Reminds me of the place we used to go to in Queens.
The Freakin' Rican! This is the best thing I've ever had in my life.
I haven't had a carb in 10 months.
Tastes like home.
Thank you.
You ever miss it? What? Queens? Queens.
And us, in Queens.
Only look forward, Papi.
You for real? Or is that just a defense thing? You know me.
My mother left me at a shelter on Metropolitan Avenue in a diaper and a onesie with the Puerto Rican flag on it.
Whoever left me, all they left me was this this food, this culture.
Whoever left me wanted me to know I'm Borinqueña.
She wanted me to be proud of that.
Are you? Proud? When I'm in a place like this.
But I'm not reminded of who I am every day out here.
I wear my hair straight.
White boys love me.
Black men Y'all need to chill.
[CHUCKLES.]
Here we go.
I'm a celebrity kinda.
I'm welcome wherever, but celebrated nowhere in L.
A.
I get why you brought me here.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I've been hustling so long, I forgot where I came from.
But I don't look back, really.
And I don't do regret.
I still don't believe you.
["RIGHT ON" PLAYS.]
Mmmm I haven't heard this song in forever! When's the last time you danced? Huh? [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Okay, I miss it! What? I miss Queens! What? [LOUDLY.]
I miss Queens! Louder! I miss Queens!! [CHUCKLES.]
That, I believe.
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS.]
Where do you think you're going? Thought you could just take me to dinner, drive me down memory lane, and I'd just let you hit? It ain't like that.
The night's still young.
Time to put in work.
Yo, Swizz flew in this beat for us.
You got this.
All right, just you and me here.
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me who you are.
Let's show the world what Valeria Mendez is all about.
No regrets.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, oh, oh Ay, oh, oh, oh Ay, oh, oh, oh Ay That's it.
[NO AUDIO.]
That's what I'm talking about! That's what's up! That's the V I know.
[CLAPPING.]
[SIGHS.]
We shouldn't.
I promised myself that I would never do - I can't Yeah.
- this again with you.
- I get it.
Do you ever wonder? - No.
- I do.
Sometimes, uh, - it could have been different between - I I don't care.
I I don't believe you.
Believe what you want.
All right, but for what it's worth, I think you would've made a great mother.
I didn't want to be a mother.
I wanted a career.
So I did what I did.
And I don't regret it.
I've never once regretted it.
What about us? Are you really asking me that? For, like, a real reason? Or just because we danced and ate some mofongo and you're feeling nostalgic? Only look forward, right? And I am haunted by my youth Oh, but my joy of today Is that we can all be proud to say To be young Get in here.
gifted, and Black Is where it's at [CHUCKLING.]
Is where it's at Is where it's at You ready to do the thing? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Yeah, love is a marvelous crime, and I'm happy to sin Look at life in the eyes of God and imagine it's him Walk on the clouds, jump over the moon, be a star So proud of my creation, how beautiful you are If the earth shifts, know it's just your first kicks in me And tears in my eyes is the joy that it gives me Your heartbeat is like the first verse that I wrote The birth of a GOAT I look at you for purpose and hope I'm just getting to know you.
Just give me some time, and then I promise I will try and help you find your father.
All the secrets of the past, let 'em burn into ash And every bad memory, I'm-a turn into cash Love is a set of emotions, yeah, you changed my life Sober and a better mom, yeah, you changed me twice A broken home couldn't break me Money, happiness on the surface shortchanged me You thought it woulda changed me Pretty girl, insecure, no mirror could save me Now I'm with a bunch of queens Look at what it made me I often thought I was lost and just an orphan I tried to floss my problems away Lookin' for real love, like Mary J.
- This my life - Whoo! Now I got a whole lot to say, adjust my mic From feelin' alone and bein' out on my own Still want the money and fame We ballin' outta control And it's a new lease on life It's queens to the death It's queens on my right, and it's queens on my left I'm tryin' to be the best Give my mother my regards, no regrets I am just everything I was meant It's four crowns now, and I wear mine proudly Lost for so long, but I'm glad that I found me Faded pictures in a broken glass Superwoman, I was everything Cape with the wedding ring Dates with the lingerie, dinner with my ass out Never had to ask twice, sex 'til you passed out And I woulda gave you new thrills Somebody's sleepin' in my bed on repeat playing Dru Hill I hate to bust Shorty bubble, but we vowed For better or for worse, forever over hurt My ring is on the nightstand while I'm at the nightclub - Just as a reminder of what a good wife was - That's right.
- Lookin' at the back door while I'm at the front one - That's right.
A happy life's here, the question is, do you want one? Adam and Eve ate the apple, I was raised in the rotten one "Sister Act 2," I was saved, but I'm not a nun Hell got my ankles while heaven's holdin' my wrists If they both pullin' on me, my decision is split I was born to the pulpit Then became a prisoner Now I break the shackles and become my own minister In my church, sometimes vodka's the holy water The offering plate's got millions I'm no longer preacher's daughter Sodom and Gomorrah, pick your poison You livin' in the land of the sinners, makin' the choices The queer revolution raisin' our proud voices And heaven only knows how the rest gonna go All the money in the world My girls gonna run dat The household and the boardroom My girls gonna run dat Tell the men to bow down now My girls gonna run dat The kingdom and the crown now My girls gonna run dat Ay, you getting money, put your hands in the air now You independent, put your hands in the air now You a good woman, hands in the air now You want it all, put your hands in the air now Yay! TOGETHER: Hands in the air now Na-na-na-na - Hands in the air now - My girls gonna run dat I love that! You better bring the thing.
That's gonna murder radio.
Yo, it don't matter if it does.
We did it.
- Queens.
- Wait, what? We not Nasty Bitches.
We're Queens.
- Right? - Queens.
That's it.
- Yes.
- Queens forever! - Whoo! - Whoo! ERIC: The ladies are back, yo.
And, yeah, they switched their name up, but I got mountains of old, unreleased Nasty Bitches verses we could put out as, like, a retro album.
Going through it right now.
I'll hit you up tomorrow, boy.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
NAOMI: My songs like therapy Every verse is a plight I've loved and I've lost some Ignored all the cautions Heart on my sleeve, but the sleeve is a short one I'm playing house wit' a man who ain't my spouse A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt I'm playing house wit' A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt I'm playing house wit' A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt, but we I'm playing house wit' A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt But we can't tell the world 'Cause his girl'll prolly leave Jojo is yours? Naomi had your baby?! MAN ON TELEVISION: the crew of a U.
S.
spy plane after receiving a letter that the U.
S.
was very sorry for the plane's unauthorized landing.
[SIGHS.]
I'm tired.
Really tired.
All I do anymore is think, worry, stressed about what you did.
If I stay, I look pathetic.
If I leave, my life with my family changes forever.
I don't know.
I just know I'm tired of thinking.
I need a change.
And you were right.
I can't live like this.
So [SIGHS.]
I'm gonna let it go.
What you did.
I am gonna try and let it go and see if you, me, and this family can move past it.
I can't make any promises.
I don't know if I can.
I just [SIGHS.]
I'm gonna try.
I love you, Jeff, and I love our family.
I'm willing to try.
Okay, so ? [SCOFFS.]
Really? You have nothing to say? [SCOFFS.]
Are you kidding me?! Jeff! Jeff! [SIGHS.]
[REMOTE CLICKS.]
Jeff? Jeff? [GASPS.]
Jeff.
She said I just want someone true She said I just want someone to smoke with me, babe And lay with me, babe And laugh with me, babe I just want the simple things To smoke with me, babe And laugh with me, baby And lay with me, babe 'Cause I just want the simple things And I just want you Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I want you You Smoke with me, baby
NAOMI: He wasn't ready to be a dad.
I gave my true self to an audience for the first time.
Our first solo show in 20 years.
Let's get it, girls.
Gimme what I need and I'll be your nasty girl Your nasty girl NAOMI: "It all started restarted innocently enough, with an epic return at the 2021 BET Awards.
Then, it fell in a hole.
Literally.
" [BOTH SCREAM.]
- Oh.
- You good? - Girl.
- Should we call an ambulance? "Fortunately, an ambulance wasn't needed.
Unfortunately, the whole debacle was simply the amuse-bouche in an endless tasting menu of embarrassment.
" Told you that hole was a bad idea.
"After a few lifeless renditions of the group's classic hits, Jill Da Thrill simply " I forgot my lyrics, yo.
"Then the audience was hit with an unplanned intermission that lasted seven minutes.
" - [AUDIENCE BOOING.]
- You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray James is a Gremlin when he doesn't sleep.
"If it was just a bad performance, the group could be forgiven.
" Wait, this dude's name is actually Lando Sarkesian? I can't.
Ugh.
"But the underlying problem is America's unending appetite for nostalgia acts, stuck in time.
They don't grow, because they can't.
In the case of the Nasty Bitches, we find a group of middle-aged women rapping about money, sex, drugs, and other frivolities that, while immature in 1999, feel downright dishonest in 2021.
" I know a hitman.
"If seeing out-of-touch rappers is your thing, please queue up for the next Nasty Bitches show, - with the Spin Doctors, at your county fair.
" - Oh.
How the hell do we come back from this? Last night took an L, but tonight I bounce back, boy Can we talk about something other than how much we suck for a minute? I need to stop shaking with rage.
Jeff's memory came back.
He feels terrible and all, but I can't stand to be in the same room as him.
You need to talk to him.
I'm sure you've got questions.
Of course.
"Why? What went wrong? What did I do wrong?" You didn't do anything.
Listen, from a man's perspective ALL: Shut up.
After Lando Sarkesian, men are on mute for the rest of the day.
You call that divorce attorney yet? You might not go through with it, but you have to be prepared.
Women don't prepare for divorce like men.
I cussed out a priest.
Tina and I are good, though.
I'm embracing this next chapter.
I agreed to do an interview with Out magazine.
Oh, Jill, that's great.
Really.
Jojo's flying in today for an audition with the Hellman School of Music.
And I'm nervous.
I mean, not for her.
It's just that we have a lot we need to talk about.
Mm.
Well, that review reeked of misogyny.
[CHUCKLES.]
Misogynoir.
- Sexism.
- Racism.
But it wasn't wrong.
We sucked.
Just saying.
We were feeling ourselves after the BET Awards, and we hopped back onstage with no preparation.
What did we expect? So, we book another show, crush it.
TOGETHER: Speak! I called around.
We'd be lucky to open up for Chuck E.
Cheese.
His band.
The creepy robot things.
Did they have a name? Oh.
Are we done, yo? Yo, I gave up a solo deal for us, and the only way I regret it is if we throw in the towel over Lando Sarkesian.
Munch's Make Believe Band.
That's the name.
Uh, Chuck E.
's band.
- New music.
- Yep.
- What? - We need new music.
We need a refresh if we're gonna pop.
Yep.
We need to represent who we are now.
We need to fly the flag for real, grown-up women who have been through real life.
Oh.
Amen.
So, yo, you got a beat, or what? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Whoa! - Whoo! - Like that.
- Uh-huh? That's bananas.
Yeah, it was gonna go on Muffin's album, but it was a little too hardcore.
Mnh-mnh.
Nah.
Next.
- You don't like that? - Mnh-mnh.
- But are we hardcore? - We're Nasty Bitches.
JILL: I mean, but are we? Anymore? Honestly? I-I think the name is starting to feel a little disingenuous, like a lot of my lyrics.
We're trying to make a comeback, and you want to change the name of the group? That's bad business.
We were ahead of our time, like N.
W.
A.
The name is subversive.
In '99, that's what they called us.
We took it, we owned it.
'99? Of today.
I mean, Hillary nasty.
AOC a bitch.
Kamala Take your pick.
I mean, our name is a statement.
It's iconic.
Listen, it's enough people out there calling Black women bitches.
- Do we have to, too? - Mm.
Man, y'all are trippin'.
You want to switch our whole steeze up just because Valeria tiptoed her ass into a hole? Man, play the next beat.
A'ight.
This one right here is a banger.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Wait for it.
- Ooh! - Wait for it.
Ooh.
[HUMS.]
- Play with it.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry, but this doesn't feel right, either.
Goodness.
This is not how we work.
I pick the beat, then I lay out a general concept, write some stuff, and then, boom, we're off to the races.
Nah, chick, that was before.
Excuse me? Listen, we're trying to figure out what we sound like now.
We all need to be a part of that.
- We all need a voice.
- No, we need a hit, which means I need to do my thing.
I mean, you and Jill wrote some great stuff back in the day, but I wrote everything for Valeria.
- That doesn't mean I can't.
- Child, sit down.
Listen, the only reason why I didn't write every one of my verses is because I was too busy having a good time.
[CHUCKLES.]
I didn't have an egomaniacal need to be the Mozart of hip-hop.
Wait, so my ego is the reason why we had hits? Okay, look, I think what Bree is saying Is that I'm every bit just as dope a lyricist as you.
That wasn't what I thought she was saying.
I'm-a let you walk that back before you get hurt.
Uh, I ain't scared of you.
Please, girl.
You don't want none of this, okay? I don't just beat bitches.
I ruin careers.
Ask Foxy.
Okay.
Let's do it.
Let's battle.
If I win, though, we do it a new way.
We all go off, write our own verses, and each voice gets heard.
If you win, we'll bow down.
Okay, okay, okay.
If y'all are gonna do this, just keep it clean, okay? - We're friends.
- Friends? No, this is hip-hop, all right? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS.]
This ain't Milli Vanilli You think we your puppets That's the difference We tryin' to have our own voice heard But you ain't listenin' You so high on your pedestal Thinkin' you got control of what you let us do My pen is equally incredible - Okay.
- Okay.
I ain't just looks, I'm not your pretty little ornament It's like Miyagi versus Daniel in the tournament Supposed to be a Queens thing, but you made it difficult Supposed to be a team thing, not you individual So maybe go and get your own deal Nobody wanna walk in your shoes, baby We got our own heels - Yes! Yeah! - Uh-huh Unh, ay, yo, first off, Brianna You not on my level ever Better go tuck dem kids in And tell 'em why Daddy left 'em Tell 'em no fairy tales or no happily ever after Tell your daughter her mother Was more a stripper than rapper - Ouch! Hey, quiet down and shape up You always second place up in this race But show that model face without the makeup You gave new meaning to "Around the Way Girl" "Nasty" meant lyrics, not spread your legs to the world - Oh! Okay.
- O okay.
Okay.
VALERIA: Whoo! You take that.
You got that one.
Eric, gimme something I can bop to.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Unh Oh, you wanna take it there Gloves off, no playin' fair Who's your baby daddy, when you met him? Come on, name the year You too busy shadowboxing in the mirror to be a mom I could give you pointers But you prolly still would get it wrong You just got a complex Everything's a context Napoleon, more like dynamite, with your bomb threats I am not the same little Brianna in that prom dress Who caught you rockin' more than just a mic Up in the projects My mirror on the wall, huh Say I'm Michael Jackson, babe Your mirror off the wall Ugly attitude breakin' glass You just wanna whine and complain Drinking wine like a wino I'm just tryin' to shine, endin' mine on a high note Every rapper's sex toy You decide to show up now? Bitin' my style so you could act like you the golden child Always late for interviews Too busy up in the dude Now you wanna write your rhymes Before, money was it for you If you wasn't pretty, everybody'd be dissin' you - Wow! Wow! Really? - Nobody's missin' you Not a visionary Nothin' that you say we wanna listen to You gotta be lyrical to spit the truth And I can count the years I couldn't even get you in the booth - Blah! Eee! - Wow.
Okay.
- Ooh! - Low blows, low blows.
- Mm, you got that one.
- Okay.
Hey, yo, next one takes the whole thing.
You know what I want.
Let's go.
- [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Ay, yo, first off, Bree You a mini version of me And second of all, Jill ain't got the skills to be ill So me writin' your rhymes is the much better design I started this group I coulda left your ass behind But my pen hit the pad, it's only top of the charts And now, just like your marriage - You want us to fall apart - Wow! It's jealousy, and I can't even say it any clearer You spendin' too much time in the mirror You're tryin' to be the mommy or a don You a copy and a fraud You Johnny, I'll be Bobby, my new edition is strong So, run along, Tyra, we can't bank on you And a leader, we can't put that rank on you - Unh - Ay, yo, stop the beat.
- I'm-a go off top.
- [RECORD SCRATCHES.]
It's called growth and maturity You stuck in the past An insecure, scared little girl Now I'm spankin' that ass This is a wake-up call We ain't here to go tit for tat Nasty Bitches isn't our image We no longer livin' like that But I get it, you did it to sell records Now the gimmick is done Pullin' the wool over people and critics Like Xplicit's the only lyrical one We 'bout to rewrite our own stories And make the narrative change To show the whole world we real queens Not embarrassed and ashamed My marriage has nothin' to do with the stardom and fame I honor the pain and use it to be the goddess And slaughter the game A artist whose gold ain't tarnished I'm polished and heavy My knowledge is deadly, lyrically a problem I'll demolish your petty The lesson you taught me was win And I'm-a win for the crew To teach you the lesson that everything ain't all about you [BOTH CHEERING.]
Y'all think y'all can reinvent y'all selves without me? Good luck.
[SCOFFS.]
Why you got to be like that? BRIANNA: Because she be like that.
BRIANNA: [THINKING.]
Superwoman, I was everything Cape with the wedding ring JEFF: [GROANS.]
- Ohh.
- BRIANNA: How's your head? Oh, my brains feel like they're about to spill out - all over the floor.
- That'd be cool.
You know, we we could get a home nurse.
And add more medical debt to pay off for your cheatin' ass? No.
I should have never told you my memory came back.
Thank you.
Hey, y-you know what? Baby, y-you got to take time off from this.
I want you to go and maybe maybe get your nails done or a massage, something.
I'll be all right for a few hours.
Seriously.
Just go and do whatever it is that you've been putting off.
Which leads to questions of child abandonment.
I'm not abandoning my kids.
It's the standard custody argument against touring musicians.
Look, if Jeff is anything, he's a good dad.
We'll figure all that out.
Everyone who steps foot into my office wants to believe they're not going to war.
But you are.
You are going to war.
How many times have you said that? Hundreds.
And almost no one listens.
Bottom line divorce is terrible, so you better be damn sure you can't reconcile this marriage.
What the hell are you doing here? I got the same phone call you did.
Please, continue.
We have some questions about the vocabulary that she's learning at home.
Okay.
A-and what vocabulary would that be? - Jeff.
- No, no, no.
I'm serious.
The "B" word, of course.
Right.
Okay.
Listen, um, hmm You know, I don't know, uh, what kind of weak-ass, - like, Captain & Tennille crap - I No, I got it crap that Spotify is playing for you, Principal, but my wife was a multiple-platinum recording artist at one point, so this necklace is not just a recognition of her vibrant and and trailblazing work, but it's an homage to her group's tireless effort to rob a misogynistic slur of its power by turning it back on every listener.
Every deejay, every radio executive, every journalist in the, uh, you know, entire patriarchal structure of the music industry that felt that, uh, a word like "ho" or "slut" or "bitch" could be used to put a woman in her so-called place.
So when I see my daughter growing up in a world where she already knows that she has the freedom to see that word and to own that word and then not give one single thought of ever letting that word define her, it saddens me deeply to realize that this school is failing to uphold the ideals of progressive education and the diversity of opinion that it claims to champion.
That necklace is art.
And my wife's work is art.
And if you value what you say you do, we shouldn't have a problem here.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
BRIANNA: That was pretty dope.
It was all true.
I'm just I'm really glad that, you know, you're you're back to doing what you love.
I want to show you something.
Now, come on.
You can trust me.
Okay, you know what? I probably shouldn't have said that, but I promise It'll be worth it.
- What is that? - Just Just This was one of our very first casks, right when we opened.
Could you read the date on this bourbon, please? Our wedding day? Mm-hmm.
I was gonna wait 'til our 20th anniversary, but life is short.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Are you sure you're okay to drink? Yeah.
Well, no.
I Look, I don't know, but we needed this right now.
Baby, I'm sorry, okay? I I I can't say it enough.
I will never stop saying it.
Look, I just want to drink and enjoy the fact that I don't have the overwhelming urge to stick my finger into your eyeball.
Please don't do that, okay? Because your nails are sharp, and there's a lot of bacteria under there.
A and not just yours specifically, but everyone's.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I'm just playing.
Oh, I missed that laugh.
Listen, I-I know it's not now, but I go to bed every night just hoping that you can forgive me, that we can get back to being us.
- [CELLPHONE BUZZING.]
- Your mistress? You got to be kidding me! [HAND POUNDS.]
I can't stop this girl from calling.
- Have you spoken to her since? - No! I didn't remember who she was until two days ago.
I'll never know if that's true.
Now, why would I lie about that? Okay.
I get it.
I totally get why I would lie about it.
I'm just Please.
Hey, can we just please Baby, can we just talk, okay? Hey.
You tell me what I need to do so that I can make this right.
Okay.
Okay.
You want to talk? - Yes, I do.
- Let's talk.
Please.
I went to see a divorce lawyer today.
What? What You Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And what'd you talk about? [SCOFFS.]
What did we Horology, French bulldogs, absinthe.
What do you think we talked about? You're divorcing me? Hey, hey, baby, we we we got a family.
Do not.
Don't use those kids as a weapon, 'cause you weren't thinking about them when you were having sex with your one-eighth Peruvian student.
How long? Was she the only one? What does it matter? Answer! Yes.
Okay? And three or four months.
And it didn't mean anything to me.
It was stupid.
I love you.
And I love our family.
We sacrificed too much, babe Uh, we? [SCOFFS.]
I gave up my life for this family, my education for this family, and any sense of who I am and why I was put on this earth, for you.
I had dreams outside of this house.
I'm smarter than you, bruh.
That's facts.
I wanted to be a professor, too.
But instead, I stroked your back, nursed these kids to prop you up.
That's sacrifice! Baby, listen, okay? What can I do? Just Just Just tell me what it is that I can do, okay? Because if there's something I can do, I will do it, because I need you.
I know I don't deserve you, but I need you.
I know the choice I want you to make, but I'll respect whatever it is that you choose.
But it's the not knowing, Bree.
The not knowing is killing me.
So, what do you want to do? Hmm? Can you forgive me? Or are we done? I don't know.
You got to understand, when I was coming up in hip-hop, you were never gonna get a male audience if you didn't look like someone they'd want to get with.
I mean, it would've been career suicide if I had come out.
I'm sure your religious upbringing didn't help with your sexuality.
Oh.
My father's a deacon.
Bad enough I was rappin' in booty shorts.
I remember those.
Was religion the reason you married a man? Darren? [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Um, I'm sorry.
- Um, I didn't know we were gonna talk about him.
- Oh.
I If you're not comfortable, we He's innocent in all of this.
I'd rather leave him out of it.
That's totally fair.
And noble of you.
So, what would you say is your coming-out story? America watched it live onstage at the BET Awards.
That was the first time you ever came out? What, to anyone? Well, I mean, my girlfriend, Tina, - and and the group.
- Mm.
You have a girlfriend? Yes.
What's that face? Nothing.
I just think a lot of our readers will be very sad to hear that, and incredibly jealous of this Tina.
Well, she's great.
Well, just one last question How does it feel to be the hottest lesbian in the world right now? Didn't know that.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um, I'm I'm just trying to be me.
[RECORDER CLICKS.]
Listen, this goes against everything I learned at J-school, but I'm going out with some friends tonight I think you'd really hit it off with.
Off the record.
I promise.
[CHUCKLES.]
MARA: A baby celesbian.
Alicia, what do you get for that? A solid-gold toaster with diamond dials? Jill was simply brave enough to share her story with me.
PATTI: See? She comes on all innocent, and then slides in and breaks our hearts.
- What? - She's not so innocent.
- You two dated? - [LAUGHTER.]
Honey, we've all dated.
Probably 85% of the women in this bar have dated.
But you did say you've never been to a bar like this before, correct? Never.
Like, never a gay bar or never a gay bar this good? - Mara, be nice.
- It's cool.
I've never been to a gay anything.
[LAUGHTER.]
MARA: We have to keep her.
We'll be the only pack of Gold Star Lesbians with a Catholic rapper celesbian.
Sweetie, we're gonna set you up with some Audre Lorde, get you an appointment at Sally Hershberger Make sure you don't become a pillow princess right out the gate.
A pillow Oh.
[LAUGHTER.]
We just want to be sure you give as good as you get, sweetie.
Because you're gonna be able to get anything you want.
And I want to dance.
Jill's gonna help me get laid tonight.
[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You make me feel So good, so good That's just the way you make me feel So, so, so, so That's just the way you make me feel JILL: [THINKING.]
I was born to the pulpit Then became a prisoner [RINGTONE PLAYS.]
[RINGTONE STOPS.]
to the pulpit, then became a prisoner Now break the shackles and become my own minister In my church, sometimes vodka's the holy water [CELLPHONE CHIMING.]
[TEXTING.]
[CELLPHONE WHOOSHES.]
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS.]
Hey.
Where is everybody? Oh, they canceled last minute.
Something you should know about hip lesbians not the most reliable.
So what does that say about you? Ah.
Well, you're the baby gay, and I asked you out, so I have to make sure you have an okay time.
Not asked you out-out.
Just out in a group thing that happened to be just me and, uh [CHUCKLES.]
Am I digging a hole here? Because, uh, you're definitely not saying anything.
I'm definitely still talking.
It's fine.
I'm good.
The baby gay is good.
Don't worry.
Well, I have some suggestions, if you're not sure what you want.
Um Full disclosure I, uh, dated the chef.
I mean, the only reason I would come back to a place my ex worked would be if I was trying to show off someone new.
Me too.
Full disclosure I'm happy we're the only ones here.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Um [GASPS.]
- Um - Mm.
Uh, um, full Okay, full disclosure Everything that happens between us is off the record, remember? Um, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
It's down the hall, to the left.
Got that look in her eye like "yeah" Feelin' like JILL: Nothing's wrong.
I just wanted to say I miss you.
I miss home.
Then come home.
Soon.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Who's that? [SIGHS.]
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Just room service.
[DOOR OPENS.]
So, you want to tell me about Jojo's dad? [SIGHS.]
Welcome to L.
A.
How was your first plane ride? Five hours of a screaming baby next to me.
I'm just happy I'm here.
We got to hustle if we're gonna make it to Hellman on time.
You nervous? - I got this.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
BRICKENHOFF: Quite an achievement.
Hellman is one of the most esteemed music institutions in the world.
Pinch me if you see one of us, okay? But be warned.
JOJO: Don't look at the walls.
This is highly competitive.
You will likely not see these people again.
We definitely not in Atlanta.
See, this is how rich people stay thin.
Gimme.
Go introduce yourself.
Finley Rutherford.
Jojo.
Uh, what's your discipline? Discipline? - What instrument do you play? - Piano.
What's your conservatory? Grandma's living room? - Miss? - Yeah? I'd love a gin martini when you get a chance.
Do you want to die? Cone of silence My dad did say that the audition song is Bach's "Prelude & Fugue Number 2 in C minor.
" From memory? Grandma didn't teach you that one, Jojo? [CHUCKLES.]
Everything cool over here? Are you serious?! This is your mom?! Look, okay, yes, I am Xplicit Lyrics, but I'm here as a very proud mom.
Xplicit what? No, you're the lady that J.
Lo crushed when she fell in that hole.
She ain't J.
Lo, okay? [CHUCKLES.]
JOJO: I should go practice.
- What? - Good luck tomorrow.
[BACH'S "PRELUDE & FUGUE NUMBER 2 IN C MINOR" PLAYING.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
[FINGERS CRACK.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[BACH'S "PRELUDE & FUGUE NUMBER 2 IN C MINOR" PLAYING.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
What? Of all the pieces they could have picked, they chose this one.
Oh, you got this.
You're every bit as talented as those other kids.
They went to elite prep schools.
Don't compare yourself to them.
That is literally the point of competition.
They have connections.
They've been on planes.
They got new shoes that aren't their grandmother's.
They don't have 15 pair of clean J's like you do, okay? I can't wear Jordans here.
Come on, Jojo.
You really gonna let a bunch of snotty jackasses get in your head? I didn't raise you that way.
You're here, supporting me for once.
Can we not turn that into you being Michelle Obama? Why you always got to take shots? I can't believe I thought I could do this.
Jojo you can't give up.
Didn't you just give up on a solo career? I don't have to explain my choices to you.
You've never explained any of your choices to me.
Like who my dad is.
This never happens to me.
I never get nervous.
But, you know, you're also usually not here.
Well, I definitely don't want to screw you up more than I have.
Good luck.
NAOMI: [THINKING.]
Your heartbeat Is like the first verse that I wrote The birth of a GOAT I look at you for purpose and hope [SIGHS.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
["C.
R.
E.
A.
M.
"/"AS LONG AS I'VE GOT YOU" PLAYING.]
That's dope.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- JOJO: [SIGHS.]
I can't play this.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
You came back.
I did.
Look, I'm nervous before every show.
Rituals help me.
Every place I play, I got a place I eat.
So, let me share my L.
A.
ritual with you tacos from El Matador.
I'm starving.
Ah.
Oh, my God.
Mm-hmm.
So good.
When I went to Nashville, I couldn't find a Black person.
Or a good place to get my hair done.
Or real hip-hop.
Atlanta is special.
Different than everywhere else.
And, baby, you were right You're not like those other kids.
And as Black women, the world tries to make us feel like different means worse.
I mean, it's harder being us, yes, but it breeds something special.
It breeds magic.
And they're scared of it because they don't have it.
But they want it.
And, Jojo, that's what you got to show 'em.
Your magic.
But you also got to feel crazy fresh when you slay tomorrow.
New shoes [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
Do you, baby.
Show them what Black girls from Atlanta are all about.
Number 23.
Next, please.
[SOFTLY.]
Jojo.
[BACH'S "PRELUDE & FUGUE NUMBER 2 IN C MINOR" PLAYING.]
["C.
R.
E.
A.
M.
"/"AS LONG AS I'VE GOT YOU" PLAYING.]
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING.]
["CRUSH ON YOU" PLAYS.]
["BODAK YELLOW" PLAYS.]
["NASTY GIRL" PLAYS.]
Now you know you wanna be with a nasty girl Know you wanna spend time in my nasty world Gimme what I need, and I'll be your nasty girl Your nasty girl Y-Your nasty girl Yes, Jojo! Y'all ain't gonna clap for my daughter? That was unbelievable, baby.
Not just unbelievable.
I'm in! - What?! - [CHUCKLES.]
Yes, my girl! Yes! Thank you.
For the tacos.
For the advice.
For these J's.
Yes.
You did that.
I'm so proud.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yo, I like that you're trying, and I like where we're going, but I know you say you don't remember.
Like, you're not keeping a secret from me.
You actually don't know.
What is it, Jojo? I need any information you have so I can look for myself.
I need to know who my dad is.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
To what do I owe the honor? I can't write.
But I can't be wrong either.
So I couldn't tell Naomi that I didn't want to write my verse, so I'm here asking for help so I can have a verse and also prove Naomi wrong, which is always awesome.
You can write.
I have stage presence, star power, but I don't got bars.
I sell the steak, Papi.
I don't kill the cow.
If we don't pop in this comeback, I am gonna be hosting "Celebrity Wipeout" with Chuck E.
Cheese.
Listen, you are a great producer.
You have helped so many artists find their voices.
I'm here.
Help me.
Okay.
I need one thing.
I say this to all my artists.
First, I need you to admit that you have something to say, that you have a voice, whether you know it or not.
I have a voice.
I have something to say.
Leggo.
VALERIA: I'm a real queen, boys feed me grapes Keep me laced, all I got is millionairess taste It's all just old.
Where did you find this? I got everything you guys ever recorded.
All the verses y'all had flown in because you couldn't be in the studio together.
Never listened to it.
Thought it might help you catch your swagger.
I'm catching nothing.
Come on.
Let's get outta here.
Go get something to eat, clear our minds, come back, refocus.
Wait, am I dressed right? Where we're going, nobody gives a crap.
Trust.
VALERIA: I didn't even know they had a Puerto Rican restaurant in L.
A.
Mm.
It's amazing what you find when you leave Mulholland Drive.
And this? This is good.
I come here a lot.
Reminds me of the place we used to go to in Queens.
The Freakin' Rican! This is the best thing I've ever had in my life.
I haven't had a carb in 10 months.
Tastes like home.
Thank you.
You ever miss it? What? Queens? Queens.
And us, in Queens.
Only look forward, Papi.
You for real? Or is that just a defense thing? You know me.
My mother left me at a shelter on Metropolitan Avenue in a diaper and a onesie with the Puerto Rican flag on it.
Whoever left me, all they left me was this this food, this culture.
Whoever left me wanted me to know I'm Borinqueña.
She wanted me to be proud of that.
Are you? Proud? When I'm in a place like this.
But I'm not reminded of who I am every day out here.
I wear my hair straight.
White boys love me.
Black men Y'all need to chill.
[CHUCKLES.]
Here we go.
I'm a celebrity kinda.
I'm welcome wherever, but celebrated nowhere in L.
A.
I get why you brought me here.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I've been hustling so long, I forgot where I came from.
But I don't look back, really.
And I don't do regret.
I still don't believe you.
["RIGHT ON" PLAYS.]
Mmmm I haven't heard this song in forever! When's the last time you danced? Huh? [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Okay, I miss it! What? I miss Queens! What? [LOUDLY.]
I miss Queens! Louder! I miss Queens!! [CHUCKLES.]
That, I believe.
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS.]
Where do you think you're going? Thought you could just take me to dinner, drive me down memory lane, and I'd just let you hit? It ain't like that.
The night's still young.
Time to put in work.
Yo, Swizz flew in this beat for us.
You got this.
All right, just you and me here.
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me who you are.
Let's show the world what Valeria Mendez is all about.
No regrets.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, oh, oh Ay, oh, oh, oh Ay, oh, oh, oh Ay That's it.
[NO AUDIO.]
That's what I'm talking about! That's what's up! That's the V I know.
[CLAPPING.]
[SIGHS.]
We shouldn't.
I promised myself that I would never do - I can't Yeah.
- this again with you.
- I get it.
Do you ever wonder? - No.
- I do.
Sometimes, uh, - it could have been different between - I I don't care.
I I don't believe you.
Believe what you want.
All right, but for what it's worth, I think you would've made a great mother.
I didn't want to be a mother.
I wanted a career.
So I did what I did.
And I don't regret it.
I've never once regretted it.
What about us? Are you really asking me that? For, like, a real reason? Or just because we danced and ate some mofongo and you're feeling nostalgic? Only look forward, right? And I am haunted by my youth Oh, but my joy of today Is that we can all be proud to say To be young Get in here.
gifted, and Black Is where it's at [CHUCKLING.]
Is where it's at Is where it's at You ready to do the thing? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Yeah, love is a marvelous crime, and I'm happy to sin Look at life in the eyes of God and imagine it's him Walk on the clouds, jump over the moon, be a star So proud of my creation, how beautiful you are If the earth shifts, know it's just your first kicks in me And tears in my eyes is the joy that it gives me Your heartbeat is like the first verse that I wrote The birth of a GOAT I look at you for purpose and hope I'm just getting to know you.
Just give me some time, and then I promise I will try and help you find your father.
All the secrets of the past, let 'em burn into ash And every bad memory, I'm-a turn into cash Love is a set of emotions, yeah, you changed my life Sober and a better mom, yeah, you changed me twice A broken home couldn't break me Money, happiness on the surface shortchanged me You thought it woulda changed me Pretty girl, insecure, no mirror could save me Now I'm with a bunch of queens Look at what it made me I often thought I was lost and just an orphan I tried to floss my problems away Lookin' for real love, like Mary J.
- This my life - Whoo! Now I got a whole lot to say, adjust my mic From feelin' alone and bein' out on my own Still want the money and fame We ballin' outta control And it's a new lease on life It's queens to the death It's queens on my right, and it's queens on my left I'm tryin' to be the best Give my mother my regards, no regrets I am just everything I was meant It's four crowns now, and I wear mine proudly Lost for so long, but I'm glad that I found me Faded pictures in a broken glass Superwoman, I was everything Cape with the wedding ring Dates with the lingerie, dinner with my ass out Never had to ask twice, sex 'til you passed out And I woulda gave you new thrills Somebody's sleepin' in my bed on repeat playing Dru Hill I hate to bust Shorty bubble, but we vowed For better or for worse, forever over hurt My ring is on the nightstand while I'm at the nightclub - Just as a reminder of what a good wife was - That's right.
- Lookin' at the back door while I'm at the front one - That's right.
A happy life's here, the question is, do you want one? Adam and Eve ate the apple, I was raised in the rotten one "Sister Act 2," I was saved, but I'm not a nun Hell got my ankles while heaven's holdin' my wrists If they both pullin' on me, my decision is split I was born to the pulpit Then became a prisoner Now I break the shackles and become my own minister In my church, sometimes vodka's the holy water The offering plate's got millions I'm no longer preacher's daughter Sodom and Gomorrah, pick your poison You livin' in the land of the sinners, makin' the choices The queer revolution raisin' our proud voices And heaven only knows how the rest gonna go All the money in the world My girls gonna run dat The household and the boardroom My girls gonna run dat Tell the men to bow down now My girls gonna run dat The kingdom and the crown now My girls gonna run dat Ay, you getting money, put your hands in the air now You independent, put your hands in the air now You a good woman, hands in the air now You want it all, put your hands in the air now Yay! TOGETHER: Hands in the air now Na-na-na-na - Hands in the air now - My girls gonna run dat I love that! You better bring the thing.
That's gonna murder radio.
Yo, it don't matter if it does.
We did it.
- Queens.
- Wait, what? We not Nasty Bitches.
We're Queens.
- Right? - Queens.
That's it.
- Yes.
- Queens forever! - Whoo! - Whoo! ERIC: The ladies are back, yo.
And, yeah, they switched their name up, but I got mountains of old, unreleased Nasty Bitches verses we could put out as, like, a retro album.
Going through it right now.
I'll hit you up tomorrow, boy.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
NAOMI: My songs like therapy Every verse is a plight I've loved and I've lost some Ignored all the cautions Heart on my sleeve, but the sleeve is a short one I'm playing house wit' a man who ain't my spouse A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt I'm playing house wit' A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt I'm playing house wit' A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt, but we I'm playing house wit' A life grows inside me There isn't any doubt But we can't tell the world 'Cause his girl'll prolly leave Jojo is yours? Naomi had your baby?! MAN ON TELEVISION: the crew of a U.
S.
spy plane after receiving a letter that the U.
S.
was very sorry for the plane's unauthorized landing.
[SIGHS.]
I'm tired.
Really tired.
All I do anymore is think, worry, stressed about what you did.
If I stay, I look pathetic.
If I leave, my life with my family changes forever.
I don't know.
I just know I'm tired of thinking.
I need a change.
And you were right.
I can't live like this.
So [SIGHS.]
I'm gonna let it go.
What you did.
I am gonna try and let it go and see if you, me, and this family can move past it.
I can't make any promises.
I don't know if I can.
I just [SIGHS.]
I'm gonna try.
I love you, Jeff, and I love our family.
I'm willing to try.
Okay, so ? [SCOFFS.]
Really? You have nothing to say? [SCOFFS.]
Are you kidding me?! Jeff! Jeff! [SIGHS.]
[REMOTE CLICKS.]
Jeff? Jeff? [GASPS.]
Jeff.
She said I just want someone true She said I just want someone to smoke with me, babe And lay with me, babe And laugh with me, babe I just want the simple things To smoke with me, babe And laugh with me, baby And lay with me, babe 'Cause I just want the simple things And I just want you Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I want you You Smoke with me, baby