Ramy (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

Princess Diana

[PHONE RINGS] RAMY: One sec.
[STEVE WHISTLES, HUMS] What's that sound? I just thought maybe it would help - No.
- Okay.
[SIGHS] [STEVE HUMMING, GRUNTING] Yep.
Ready for a wipe.
Okay.
And don't half-ass it.
I know when your heart's not in it.
All right, I got you.
Okay, you good? Mmm.
- Come on.
Yeah.
[GRUNTS] - Mmm.
All right, now you're just having fun.
All right, I gotcha.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Two, one all right.
STEVE: Don't drop me.
I won't, and you're heavier than you look.
All right.
Bro, you gotta work out.
[SIGHS] All right, I'm gonna wash up real quick and pray.
- And then we'll go.
- Pray? Dude, I have to take a shit.
You don't have to pray.
And you know that we have a meeting.
- [PEOPLE CHEERING] - Ah, shit.
- They're starting.
- Hmm.
Okay, all right, fuck it, let's just go.
- You good? - Just go.
[OPENING THEME PLAYING] [CROWD CHEERING] Trust.
That's what it's all about.
I trusted you guys to make a great fuckin' product, and you trusted me to sell the shit out of it! [CHEERING] Now, unfortunately, the fucking public cannot be trusted, which is why, super sucks to say, but we are going under.
[CROWD GASPS] Yeah.
It's over.
It's we did, so yeah, we have to get out of here by six.
So let's all, uh, clean up.
But, more importantly let's have some fun.
All right, now I got cases of beer in the break room.
I got jungle juice in the fridge.
I want that shit finished off! Team! Team! Team! EMPLOYEES: Team team - RAMY: Team.
- [MAN COUGHS] I don't know what I'm gonna do now.
Oh, you don't know what you're gonna do? How about what I'm gonna do? Without this job, I don't have health care.
Yeah, I know, man, and, look, I was saving up to move out, all right, and now I can't.
So, I get it.
Someone's gotta do something, man.
And, and I don't know.
I mean, unless we got, like, a severance package or something, I'm I'm pissed, dude.
Well, he's right there.
So why don't you go ask him? I don't know.
He looks busy, man.
I'm sure he'll send an email or something, or maybe - Oh, my God.
Move, move! - Dude, don't be aggressive.
Yo, fuck face! We getting a severance package? Ugh, dude, I wish.
Uh, no, but you do get to keep your stock options.
Which are the well, so now that's but there's no stock to really so that's it.
It doesn't really help at all.
You know, I never said it enough, but I always appreciate the diverse perspective that you two brought to this company.
Ramy, with your Mediterranean flair and Steve, every day you reminded me that things could be so much worse.
Particularly a day like today.
I want you to know it really helps me.
Thank you, guys.
Thanks, man Oh, Mom.
Mom, what the fuck? It's Saturday.
You don't have a job, so it doesn't matter what day it is.
[SIGHS] There's no ketchup.
Farouk! Ketchup! Habibi, I know you're upset, but now it's time to take control.
I haven't lost control.
It it's been a week.
Yeah, but a week is too long for a man to be unemployed.
Ketchup.
What is this mess? Habibi, it's time to call Uncle Naseem.
Mom, no.
I'm not gonna go work for him.
I don't care about diamonds or selling watches or whatever.
I want to do something that I'm actually passionate about.
Passion.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Passion is a made up idea.
It's for white people.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] We, we have to work and work hard.
RAMY: I do work hard.
Just give me some time, I want something that actually helps people, you know? Like, I just want to figure out my calling.
There's no calling, Ramy.
This is the call.
We have to call Uncle Naseem.
I told you, if you finish the pre-med classes, you would be running the brain surgery at "Hackensnack" hospital.
It's Hackensack, Mom.
And why would I do that? [STAMMERS] MAYSA: Look, habibi, you are so smart.
It's okay.
Working with family is good.
With family? Are you going to work with Uncle Naseem? RAMY: No, Mom's just freaking out.
Good, 'cause he's fucking disgusting.
- He's your uncle.
- Mom, he hates women.
He divorced Aunt Mediam 'cause she wanted to go to grad school.
Also, he's, like, fully anti-Semitic.
So is Mel Gibson.
He still makes beautiful movies.
FAROUK: Anti-Semitic? How is that even possible, Deena? We are Semitic.
Okay, you know what I mean.
I know Uncle Naseem's weird.
DENA: No, he's not just weird.
He's a misogynist, and he's racist.
You, out of all people, can't be entrenched in all that toxic masculinity.
What does that even mean? It means you're gonna be just like him.
- No I'm - Then good! Okay? He's got a good business.
He succeeded.
- You can learn from him.
- No.
Anyhow, he's coming for dinner tonight with us.
Cool, good luck with that.
MAYSA: All of us.
No, I have plans.
These are your plans.
MO: Yeah, man, uh I've been thinking about this a lot, and it's tough.
You're my best friend, and I love you.
I just can't picture you working here, okay? I don't think you fit in with the company culture.
That's all.
Yeah, I didn't ask you for a job.
I know, I'm just trying to get ahead of it.
Good move, very professional.
- MO: Thank you.
- This isn't Facebook or something.
There isn't, like, a company culture.
I could work here if I wanted to.
I can't believe you.
You don't even have a job, and you're shitting all over my business.
- I built this from scratch.
- [SPEAKING ARABIC] MO: Habib-habibti, don't worry about it.
Just put in another order, okay? That's the kind of company culture I'm talking about.
Who is that girl? She's a refuge, bro.
Did she come from, like, one of those refugee employment programs? [SIGHS] No, I actually met her on Instagram.
She was tagged on my Explore page.
And I'm always trying to figure out how to help, what should I do, what organization to give to, and then I was just like, "You know what? I'm sick of being a bystander," so I sent her a D.
M.
Yeah, what do you think it was about her exactly that made you want to get involved all of a sudden I don't like your sarcasm.
I was able to help her because I have money, 'cause I have a fucking job! He does have a job.
Dude, everyone's freaking out about me getting a job.
It's like my mom wants me to go work for my Uncle Naseem.
- And, and freaking out - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] You're talking about your Uncle Naseem - in the diamond district? - Yeah.
That's a real job that's on the table? I don't know, maybe.
- What d'you mean maybe? - MO: "I don't know, maybe"? What the hell are you thinking about? It's a fat check.
No, it's not.
I'm gonna be, like, a runner.
I'm just gonna be doing some bitch work, it's not So what? Be a bitch for a little while.
- It's okay.
- AHMED: Yeah, it's fine.
MO: At least you'll get your life together.
You're so obsessed with money.
I wanna do something that I actually care about.
I don't wanna just sell stuff to people.
Bro, I love you, but, I mean, do you have money? I mean, I see you spending it.
Where the hell is it coming from? AHMED: You're not taking care of yourself.
I don't even know if you're brushing your teeth.
And I saw lint the other day, multiple lint.
Multiple lint? Yes, lotta lint.
By the way, your Uncle Naseem reminds me of home, man.
You need that type of energy.
It's time for you to man the fuck up.
You gotta man up, man.
Stop smudging my tables.
It's the crayons.
I'm sorry.
Bro, I don't mean [NASEEM SPITS] [GAGS, SPITS] It's good to see you, amo.
How've ya' been? I'm fucking surrounded by Jews every day.
Okay.
Honestly, it's great for business.
I'm the only store in the diamond district selling on Saturdays.
[LAUGHS] - Yeah yeah.
- [SPEAKING ARABIC] Ah, Dena.
Going to the beach? Figured since I no longer had any plans tonight, I didn't have to dress up.
- NASEEM: Hmm.
- Yeah.
[MAYSA SPEAKING ARABIC] Ah, my sister! [NASEEM AND MAYSA SIGHING] Name one Jew who died on 9/11.
Go on, I'll wait.
I haven't really memorized the names of the victims.
None of them went to work that day.
Now, they're all doing Bit-to-coin.
That's, that's good to know.
I had no idea, so Did you, uh, see the game? The other night? With Mo Salah? We were watching that goal Egyptians are too obsessed with Mo Salah.
They make him into this big hero.
What he do? He kick a ball.
He not win a war.
Let me tell you.
Don't trust anyone in business with the British.
The British will ruin Arabs.
Yes.
They killed Princess Diana.
Allah Yerhamha.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Do you know what they did to that beautiful princess? Uh, I think she was in a car accident, right? It wasn't an accident.
I mean it was, but it wasn't.
She fell in love with an Egyptian.
That is not an accident.
Then the queen murdered them both, huh.
- Yeah.
- She'd rather kill a princess than see her be with an Arab.
We know what happened, you know.
It was on liveleaks.
com.
She was going to speak on behalf of the Palestinians, and the next minute, boom.
She's gone.
- NASEEM: [SLURPING] - MAYSA: Ah! Farouk! [SPITS] Ahlan! You work so late.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] FAROUK: It's good to see you, man.
Please, have a seat.
Sit down, please.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] [CONTINUES SPEAKING IN ARABIC] Dena! Bring a cup for your father for the tea, huh? And put some pants on! [SPEAKING ARABIC] I'm good, Hamdullah.
Just a long day at work.
Must be hard not owning your own business, hm? Having to answer to another man.
Your boss snaps his finger [SNAPS FINGER] and you go.
He calls you, he say, "leave your family, come to me".
And you have to because it's the only way you can feed your wife.
[CHUCKLES] I don't know how you're able to take it.
You even made my favorite.
So what's up with your store? - Dad, stop.
- MAYSA: Yeah.
Tell us about the business.
Eh, the diamonds are the same, but the people have changed.
Just the other day, my delivery boy ask me for a discount.
I say, "sure, of course.
" Then he ask me to engrave his partner's name, David.
Can you believe that? I told him, "David, killed Goliath.
He didn't fuck him.
" [SLURPS] Here we go.
"You're paying full price.
" Wait, so you made him pay full price because he's gay? - I should've charged him more.
- Yeah, that's illegal.
The way the government now is focusing on them is wasteful.
There's only 3.
6% of them.
Yeah, they're a minority.
Just like us.
Dena [SPEAKING ARABIC] You know, Farouk, you have to worry.
Who's gonna marry a woman with such bad manners? She's gonna be on your hands forever.
[SIGHS] You're right.
Uncle Naseem, I should apologize for how I've been acting.
It's, um, it's just that I'm - I'm on my period, so - MAYSA: [SPEAKING ARABIC] Ahh.
Ah, that's what it is.
You know, I was thinking there is something wrong with her! You know, the attitude, the clothes.
I wish you told me earlier, habibti.
Yeah, it's her period.
Yeah, I just I felt really embarrassed.
Habibti, look.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Your brain is not working, because of the period.
You know, it's very natural.
What you need to do is go outside and take a walk.
The fresh air will help you recover.
If they stay in the house with the hormones they turn on us, you know.
It's good for them to see nature.
If you stayed in pre-med school you would have learned this.
- You know? - Yeah, I don't think that's how the science works Uncle Naseem, that's a really good idea.
Um, I'm gonna go out for a few hours.
- Okay, Mom? - Dena! Maysa, let it be, huh? Habibti, remember.
Don't pray, hm? You're bleeding from the period.
It won't count.
And don't touch a Quran.
Thank you so much for reminding me 'cause I was just gonna touch one, but I'm not going to.
- I'm gonna wait.
- [FAMILY SPEAKS IN ARABIC] Yeah, thanks.
- Go air out the period.
- [SPEAKING ARABIC] - DENA: 'Kay.
- Before nine! - [SPEAKING ARABIC] - DENA: 'Kay.
FAROUK: So! Business is good.
Probably growing.
Have too much on your hands and need someone close to help you with it.
No, he doesn't.
Dad, don't do this.
Oh, "Ramroom" got fired from his little fancy job, huh? I didn't get fired, we went under, so Under, huh? [CHUCKLES] I'm looking for other jobs, and there's a lot of companies coming from the west coast, and Also, Steve and I are even talking about starting our own app.
What you need is something real, huh? Something from the earth! It is real, Amo Naseem, because I NASEEM: Habibi, listen.
Habibi, listen.
It's not your fault.
I always tell your parents.
They love you too much, you know? Remember, Maysa? I said it, you know? Yeah.
They are not tough with you, but the world is tough with you.
And here we are.
You know? It's nice to have a dream.
Of course, you know? And to feel that you have to follow it, but now it is time for you to be a real man, huh? You come and work for your Uncle Naseem.
- MAYSA: I'll get the desert.
- Yeah.
Your mother tell you that I was Mr.
Egypt runner-up? No, she didn't tell me.
Ramy, why don't you take your uncle to the train station? I think it would be nice for you both to spend some time together.
[CHUCKLES] [MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS] NASEEM: [SPEAKING ARABIC] People in this country, they look at the Muslim women with pity.
They say, "Sorry they make you wear that scarf.
" But I say, "I'm sorry you're made to wear nothing.
" Look at this.
This look like fun? This look like fun to you? [SPEAKING ARABIC] Your mother had doubts about your father before they were married.
I told her, "All the little problems, Maysa, become big ones.
" Look what happened now.
Your father left you no guidance to be a man.
And now, you have no job, no woman.
You drive your mother's car.
You're like the kids in Egypt.
They throw down the government, big revolution, huh? Then what? No plan.
So, I step in.
Come work for Uncle Naseem.
I teach you everything you need to learn.
Finish the job your father never did.
You know, at least my father has a family that loves him.
What do you have, huh? Why do you think you're so alone? You think it's 'cause of the Jews? You don't know how they are.
I'm surrounded by them.
No, you're not, you're not! You're just an asshole.
[COUPLE ARGUING] - MAN: Get in the fucking car! - WOMAN: Get off of me! MAN: I'm not gonna fucking tell you again! WOMAN: I'm not listening to you! NASEEM: Ramy, stop the car! We gotta go to the train station Ramy! [SPEAKING ARABIC] - Pull over! - Okay, okay! All right, all right! I'm doing it.
[DISTANT YELLING] - NASEEM: Hey! - MAN: or what? - WOMAN: Leave me alone! - Hey! Hey! Don't hit her! Don't hit her! MAN: Get the fuck out of my face! - Huh?! What?! - MAN: Yeah, get back! - You wanna fight?! - MAN: Take a fuckin' shot! - Yeah! - [WOMAN SCREAMING] [NASEEM WHEEZING] - WOMAN: Just leave him alone! - [NASEEM COUGHING] MAN: What's the problem, sand nigger? - WOMAN: Leave him alone! - Get the fuck of me! - NASEEM: Don't touch her.
- WOMAN: You think you're such a fucking big shot.
Knock it off! Fuck! WOMAN: You're fucking a loser.
Cut it out! Get back! - [RAMY GRUNTS] - [WOMAN YELPS] - MAN: Who the fuck are you, huh?! - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
[BOTH GRUNTING] MAN: Where ya gonna go, huh?! Where you gonna Aah! - You motherfucker! - Fuck you! Fuck you! WOMAN: Just let him go! Get the fuck off of my car.
WOMAN: What are you fucking doing?! MAN: Get down, you fuckin' asshole! Fuck you.
Fuck you! Let go of my fucking shoe! - Get the fuck off me! - NASEEM: Enough! Enough! WOMAN: Oh, my God! Okay, okay.
[PANTING] Jennifer, get in the car.
Are you fucking coming or what?! [NASEEM COUGHS] [ENGINE STARTS] Yeah, fuck you! You're a fuckin' bitch! Yeah! Don't fuck with us, bitch! [CAR DRIVES AWAY] [COUGHS] Why do you have a gun? Diamonds, habibi We could've gotten killed.
That guy was crazy.
But did you feel that, Ramy? Your heart beating against your chest like a real man? [SIGHS] I I did, but it didn't even mean anything.
We didn't make a difference.
She still went home with him.
What matters is we did the right thing.
Ramy, we protect women not because we don't trust women.
We protect women because we don't trust the men, hmm? That guy was definitely a Jew.
How would you even know that? That doesn't make any sense.
I saw the way he drove off, you know? Jews don't know how to drive.
Amo, I don't think that's a stereotype.
It's, like, the wrong thing.
The driving thing that's Asians, not that I believe it.
- [STAMMERS] - It's true.
Asians and Jews.
[RAMY SIGHS] Call me, habibi.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] [FEMALE VOCALIST SINGING IN ARABIC] [MUSIC CONTINUES]