Ramy (2019) s02e01 Episode Script

Bay'ah

1
NARRATOR: [SPEAKING ARABIC]
Ramy, have you ever dated a Muslim girl?
No, I-I haven't. That's
that's why I'm doing this.
I'm trying to meet someone,
you know, different.
To be perfectly honest,
I made the intention
to meet with multiple people
for the purpose of marriage.
How much of the Quran
do you have memorized?
You know, the classics.
Every time I get close to figuring
something out about myself,
I end up in a relationship
or doing something stupid.
Allahu akbar!
SALMA: You seem like
one of the good ones.
I'm trying to be good.
[PANTING AND MOANING]
I received a phone call today from
a guy I knew from the mosque.
Apparently, you have been,
uh, seeing his wife, Salma.
MICHAEL: You're all like,
"I do these things,
and I don't do these things,
so I'm this kind of person," right?
It's a trick of the devil, bro.
Wow.
I want to know who I am.
I want to explore.
RAMY: [SPEAKING ARABIC] Help!
Do you want to hang out later?
I could change, and
we could go somewhere.
RAMY: Yeah, yeah, cool.
Bro, that's your cousin.
Hot! Lock it up!
RAMY: What part of "she's
my cousin" don't you get?
We're cousins.

[HORNS HONKING]
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[SCANNER BEEPS]
[SCANNER BEEPS]
[SCANNER BEEPS]

SINGER: [SINGING IN ARABIC]

[WOMAN MOANING IN VIDEO]

[MOANING CONTINUES]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]
- I'm sleeping.
- [KNOCKING]
STEVE: What the fuck, man?
- You guys are back home?
- What the ?
Dude, you haven't talked to any of us
since you got back from Egypt.
Center for ISIS?
Smells like come in here.
Dude, why are you holding Steve?
- STEVE: You don't have a ramp.
- He is a bag of bones,
but he's a heavy bag of bones.
- Did you fuck you cousin?
- No. Calm down.
Ramy didn't fornicate with his cousin.
He's just sad that his grandpa died.
Right, Ramy? You didn't fornicate?
Yeah, no, I didn't
fornicate with my cousin,
and I'm not fucking anybody, all right?
I'm sorry that I haven't been
hanging out with you guys.
I've just, um
you know, a lot happened,
and and and I've been processing.
Processing? You mean jerking off?
- No.
- MO: What do you mean "no"?
Your mom says you're not working.
You say you're not fucking.
So you're obviously jerking off.
Why are you talking to my mom?
You look like shit, okay?
Somehow you got fatter and
skinnier at the same time.
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
Ramy, you don't seem
spiritually connected.
Are you praying five times a day?
He's jerking off five times a day.
Air me.
There you go.
- Bring it home, buddy.
- I think I need that too.
[OXYGEN HISSING]
AHMED: There you go.
Listen, I don't know if
Islam has interventions,
but get your shit together.
You're a fucking mess.
I'm gonna get him back in his chair.
You disgust me.
Come on, Steve.
STEVE: Bitch.
Ramy, you haven't been
going to Friday prayers
since you've been back.
I want you to come with
me to see the imam.
Your mom and I talked to him.
You talked to the imam with my mom?
Yeah, we FaceTime.
[INHALES] Oh, man.
Oh, you got to open up a window in here.
Close your eyes.
You want me to sing to you?
[FUNKY MUSIC]

RAMY: As-salamu alaykum.
Hello. Alaikum salam, habibi.
Good to see you.
RAMY: Thanks for seeing me.
You're not leaving the mosque, are you?
Uh, no, no. I'm not leaving the mosque.
Um
I I really didn't
want to come at first,
but I've been starting to feel like
I maybe should talk to somebody.
IMAM: Yes, your mom says
you haven't been going to work.
You are feeling sad since
your grandfather passed?
No, I
I mean, yeah, I'm upset about that.
But I think it's a bigger problem
like, a problem that
I've had for a while,
and maybe I didn't realize it,
or maybe it's gotten worse, but
Mm-mm.
It feels like every time I get close
to figuring something out about myself,
I
end up in a relationship
like, a sexual relationship.
And it's not just sex.
It's it's it's
it's also porn.
Like, a like, a lot of
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Enough.
We don't need too many details, okay?
- Okay.
- IMAM: I know the solutions.
First, read the last three surahs
of the Quran every night.
It will help keep the shaitan away.
Second, I need you to maintain
your wudu throughout the day.
It will help keep Allah on
your mind at all times.
You go to the bathroom, you make wudu.
You pass gas, you go make
wudu right away, no hesitation.
This is very important.
Lastly, try fasting.
If there's no food,
the other things do not
get so much energy.
Okay, um, I've tried
a lot of these things.
Like, I've prayed and fasted
all Ramadan, and I still
So be like our prophet.
Our prophet did not watch
porn. Be like a prophet.
RAMY: It's just the prophet
did not have porn, so
The prophet is the prophet.
I gotta go.
And you should go to work!
Ramy! Salams, bro.
RAMY: Yo, salams.
- Oh.
- I'm glad I caught you, bro.
It's my last day.
- What do you mean?
- I'm switching mosques.
I gave my two weeks.
I I didn't I didn't know
that you could switch mosques.
MICHAEL: Oh, yeah, dude.
I knew a guy who got traded once.
- Traded?
- MICHAEL: Mm-hmm.
Astaghfirullah.
No shade,
but this mosque just isn't
really my vibe anymore.
The truth is, I'm switching
over to the new Sufi center.
You ever hang out with
Sufis before, man?
Brodie, they're mad chill.
I actually went to a
like, a Sufi circle,
I guess you'd call it
- MICHAEL: No way.
- In Cairo with, uh
MICHAEL: Get out of town.
With my cousin.
That's so dope that you're
close with your cousin
like that, man.
- Um
- MICHAEL: That's so cool
that your family's, like tapped
into this stuff, you know?
My family, they stopped talking
to me when I became a Muslim.
Yeah, I mean, it's good
to be close to family,
but sometimes you get too close,
and then you that's not good either.
MICHAEL: This is so right up your alley.
Maktub, bro.
We're actually having a hadra
tonight at the center.
- Really?
- MICHAEL: The sheikh who runs it,
Sheikh Ali Malik you'd love him.
He's so fuego, dude.
He's all about the path
of love, like, real deal.
Man, I really I wish I could,
but I gotta go to this thing
with my dad for his job.
Oh, yeah.
RAMY: He's trying to
impress his new boss.
Yeah. It's all good.
All good, hombre. I get it.
Just hit me if you change your mind.
Okay.
'Cause the sheikh he's radical, bro.
Like, cool radical. Not radical-radical.
Yeah, that's what
I figured you meant that, yeah.
MICHAEL: Oh, okay.
Just wanted to clarify.
My mind didn't go there.
Adiós.
If you're gonna take it off at night,
just put it on a winder,
and it'll make sure
the sensor stays balanced.
Let us know if you need
anything else, yeah.
There he is, back in action.
[LAUGHS LOUDLY]
Um, thanks, Uncle Naseem.
You know, when you said
you were going to Egypt,
my plan was to fire you
when you came back.
Yeah.
I felt it was good timing, you know?
The element of surprise.
But something strange happened.
The customers, they asked for you.
They did?
They would come in here and say,
"Where is the little boy?
He is so helpful. We miss him."
I was shocked.
But then I think about it, hmm?
They like you because
you feel like them.
You have a Jewish energy.
Your weakness makes them feel safe
because they are reminded
of themselves, you know?
Comfort, hmm?
- Thank you.
- It's 2020.
They don't want a man like me anymore.
Trump fuck it up too much.
He's too much a man, you know?
The people are afraid.
They want a man like you,
a man who feels a little
bit like a woman,
but is still officially a man.
Maybe transsexual, you know?
This is good,
which is why I want you to join me
and become a small little
partner in the store.
It's your future.
Before you say anything,
I have a gift for you, huh?
You're gonna love it.
Come to the back. I show you.
I we have
we have customers we
NASEEM: We'll be very quick. Come on.
What are you what are you doing?
See, Uncle Naseem, what
This is yours now.
I want it with you all the time.
Yeah, I don't
I don't want a gun.
I don't even know if I want this job.
No, no, you want this job.
Your life will finally mean something.
You're important now, huh?
Get used to that.
People know you have
access to valuables.
You need to protect yourself.
What am I supposed to even do with this?
Where do I even put this?
[LAUGHS]
Put it in your foo-foo
kangaroo pouch, huh?
I'll get you strap later.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[PHONE CLICKS]
[WOMAN MOANING ON VIDEO
PLAYING FROM PHONE]
[FUNKY MUSIC]

[MOANING CONTINUES]

- The food is great.
- FAROUK: Yeah.
- MAYSA: Yeah, very good. Very good.
- FAROUK: Lovely.
DENA: Yeah, it's very good.
So, uh, Frank,
did you and your wife
meet back in Egypt?
No, sir. Actually we, uh
we met in New York during our studies,
but we try to visit as much as we can.
It's really beautiful.
- Mm-hmm.
- BOSS: I'll bet.
- Ramy he just came back.
- Oh, nice.
And and how was it, Ramy?
Great food, I bet?
Yeah.
And you, Dena? Have you been back?
DENA: Um, not in a while.
I'd thought I'd go back once
I just settled into law school,
but it's been such a tough process.
Like, applications are brutal.
Our son Andrew's alma mater at Stanford.
I'll tell you, he loves it.
You know where you're headed, Dena?
Uh, yeah, I have it's,
like, between a few spots,
but probably not, like, Stanford.
BOSS'S WIFE: Oh.
Well, Mrs. Hassan, that is such
a pretty shade of eye shadow.
- Oh, thank you.
- BOSS'S WIFE: What is it?
It's called Honest
Beauty by Jessica Alba.
- Ah.
- Yeah, I get it on eBay
from a woman in Texas.
I know Jessica Alba from
Desperate Housewife.
I love that show.
All the women they yell at
each other, and men cheat.
And the one that killed herself
this house, in fact, reminds me of her.
Yeah.
She was so rich, like you.
[SPEAKING ARABIC QUIETLY]
It's Eva Longoria, not Jessica Alba.
- Who?
- In Desperate Housewives.
No, no, Jessica Alba.
- No it's
- DENA: No, it's Eva Longoria.
MAYSA: You know nothing,
okay? Jessica Alba.
The woman from Texas told me.
FAROUK: Sure.
Yes, no, I know.
Anyway, you guys, um, good for whiskey?
Oh, thank you. We don't
Sure. Just one for me.
BOSS: Ah, one for you.
One for Pops over here.
Tossing back one of these is, uh,
alas, one of the few things
the old man can still do.
Uh, can I use your bathroom?
[CHILL AMBIENT MUSIC]

[MUSIC HEIGHTENS BRIEFLY]

- [WOMAN MOANING IN VIDEO]
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
RAMY: Yo, I
[UNSETTLING AMBIENT MUSIC]

Um
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WHISPERING] S sir
I'm I'm sorry.
Sir?

[MUSIC SHARPENS]

J just

BOSS: Dad, where are you?
Dad?
[PANTING]
[TRANQUIL MUSIC]

MICHAEL: It's so dope you're here, bro.
The hadra's wrapping up now,
but the sheikh's down
to meet with you after.
I told him all about you.
What should I say to him?
Just tell him everything that
you're dealing with, man.
I mean, should I really
tell him all of it?
The more honest you are with him,
the better chance you have
at getting the bay'ah.
What's the bay'ah?
MICHAEL: Oh, it's a
spiritual contract, bro.
He gives it to students
that he thinks can
follow him on the path.
You get to be bound to him
and have him be bound to you.
It's beautiful, man.
He can help you cleanse all your demons.
He's got, like, a direct connect to God.
I I need that, man.
MICHAEL: I got it last Tuesday, dude.
And like, honestly,
on Wednesday, I was like,
not so sure about it.
But by like, Thursday, I was
like, yeah, this is kicking in.
- Okay.
- MICHAEL: Yeah.
We're probably just in
time to catch the end.
You ready?
RAMY: Yeah.
SHEIKH MALIK: Amir.
Yes, sheikh?
Push me.
Sir?
Push me over the ledge.
I'm I'm sorry, sir. I
I could never.
I love you. I'd rather die
Enough with the flowery speech, Amir.
Push me! Now!
[WHISPERING] Bro, what is this?
[WHISPERING] Just trust the process.
AMIR: No.
You don't want to push me?
Then why would you speak badly
about your own brother on the path?
Backbiting is to eat the
flesh of your brother.
Is that love?
Is that what we teach?
Hmm.
It is better for you to
strike me in the face
than to harm one of my students,
your brother.
I messed up.
SHEIKH MALIK: Come here.
It harms me for you to be harmed,
and it harms me for you to harm others.
And this is love.
Yes?
Yes.
[SOBBING]
MICHAEL: Takbir.
GROUP: Allahu akbar.
SHEIKH MALIK: [QUIETLY]
As-salamu alaykum.
As-salamu alaykum.
Jazakallah, as-saalam alaykum.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
You must be Brother Ramy.
RAMY: Yeah.
SHEIKH MALIK: Welcome,
beloved. Follow me.
Tell him everything, bro.
[TRANQUIL MUSIC]
Brother Ramy
Michael told me about your
grandfather's passing.
I'm very sorry to hear that.

That's not why you're here, are you?
- RAMY: No, it's not.
- SHEIKH MALIK: Have a seat.

So what brings you here?
I I want to change, and
I heard you can help me.
Did something happen today?
Yeah, I, um
a lot happened today.
Uh, I was just at dinner with my family,
and I saw my dad take a drink
just so he can impress
his his boss
SHEIKH MALIK: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We are not here to be in
judgment of your father.
Perhaps we should speak another time
when you're ready to talk
about yourself, Ramy.
No, no I I can talk about myself.
Y you're right. I'm sorry.
All I ask is that you be honest.
I'm not just listening to your words.
I am reading your heart.
I feel like I have
this hole inside of me
that's
that's always been there.
Just this this, like, emptiness.
And I'm always trying
to fill it with something.
Like sex and
and porn.
And and I feel like
the more people I'm with,
the more alone I feel.
And I've tried to fill it with God.
I have. Wallahi.
But I I just don't know how.
Like, I went to Egypt, and
I tried to find something,
and
I I couldn't.
If I'm being honest,
I started watching porn
because I wanted to be a good Muslim.
Like, I didn't want to have
sex before marriage,
so I
I thought I could just
watch porn to fill that urge.
Like, I like, I didn't
want to do it in real life,
so I thought I could just watch,
you know, MILFs and stuff,
but it it
It just made me do crazier things.
Like
I had sex with a married
woman during Ramadan.
It it was after Maghrib, though.
Like, j just so you know.
It was during eating hours,
not that that makes it okay.
I just want you to know, like
if there's a if that
makes it any better.
I don't know. I don't
know if does it?
Maybe it's all the same.
I don't I don't know.
I don't
I don't know. What do
you want me to say?
[STUTTERS WORDLESSLY]
Can you say something?
I'm saying all this stuff.
You have nothing to
I had sex with my cousin, okay?
Is that what you want to know?
I went to Egypt, and
then I fucked my cousin.
[QUIETLY] Our grandpa died,
and I fucked my cousin.
You remind me a lot of myself
when I was younger.
You had sex with your cousin too?
Hmm, absolutely not.
But I had an ego and I was
driven by my desires.
Have you ever thought about
the actresses, Ramy?
What?
SHEIKH MALIK: The women you click on.
Have you ever considered
the plight of the performers,
their pain,
what they're experiencing?
I've heard that they
don't even have beds,
that they're just
driven around in white vans.
Is this true in your findings?
[STUTTERING] In my findings, yeah.
What if you met a porn star
and if you looked her in the eyes?
Have you considered her feelings?
I haven't considered it,
'cause I don't I don't
consider anything.
I I just consider myself.
That's it. I'm just
I only ever think about
me, and I I hate it.
- Like, I
- I know that feeling.
But I was fortunate to
find someone who
who helped me reframe
my desires, kill my ego.
That's what I want.
I want you to be my teacher.
I want to take the bay'ah.
I want to kill my ego.
How do I know I'm not just
another one of your desires?
I don't want to have sex with you.
I didn't think you did.
Okay.
SHEIKH MALIK: But that would
be easy, as your teacher,
to hand me your pain,
asking me to take it away,
be the solution to your problems,
relieving you of having
to deal with yourself.
Many people do this.
You seem to have your, um
you seem to be driven by your
by your own set of desires.
RAMY: I don't want to have desires.
I don't want to want anything.
I just want God.
If I'm to be your teacher,
you must always be honest
and truthful with me.
Always.
You understand the bay'ah?
There is no deeper spiritual
contract in this world.
We are forever bound through
love, compassion, honesty.
[SOFTLY] Yeah.
SHEIKH MALIK: Ramy
Welcome to the path, brother.
May it be fruitful.
Would you like to pray together?
Yeah.
Considering the nature
of what you just shared with me,
I must know
have you showered since
you last masturbated?
What with the
You must come to Allah clean.
Since you ejaculated, have you showered?
Uh, um
yeah, yeah.
Hamdullah.
Are you sure?
No drips in your drawers?
Inshallah.
But but yeah.
Like, insh as in "inshallah, yeah."
It wasn't, like like,
sometimes people say it
'cause they mean no,
but I meant, like, yeah.
Alhamdulillah.
Let us pray.
Allahu akbar.
[LIGHT MUSIC]

SINGER: [SINGING IN ARABIC]

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