Raven's Home (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

The Bearer of Dad News

1 Breakfast is ready! - Yes! - I'm starvin'! Me too! Good! 'Cause I made pancakes! - I'm good.
- Kinda full.
Had a big dinner.
Sit down.
Chelsea worked really hard on these.
Yeah, I can't wait for you to try 'em.
I can't wait to see if I can swallow 'em without tastin' 'em.
I think you guys are really gonna like them.
Gee, Mom, these taste just like yours.
- Maybe even better.
- Don't push it, Chels.
Since I moved in here, I actually like food again.
Wait a minute.
I see what's goin' on here.
You do? You don't have to steal pancakes from the kids, Rae.
I made plenty, here.
- No, I'm good.
I'm good.
- Open wide.
- Chel, I don't want to.
- What? Why aren't you eatin' my pancake? Well, it's just-- Good.
Right? (crunch) Uh-huh.
Yes, Chels.
Yes! (giggles) (gasps) I made the coffee, too.
Ohhhhh - Hey - Yo Let me tell you somethin' Had my vision all worked out But then life had other plans Tell 'em, Rae It's crazy when things turn upside down But you gotta get up and take that chance - Maybe I'm just finding my way now - Learning how to fly - And we're gonna be okay - You know I got you, right It might be wild, but you know that we make it work We're just kids caught up in a crazy world - Come on! - It's Raven's Home - Yep! We get loud! - It's Raven's Home It's our crowd! It might be tough, but together we make it look good Down for each other like family should It's Raven's Home When it's tough It's Raven's Home - We got love! Cause no matter the weather, you know we gon' shine! There for each other, you know it's our time ! (Raven laughing) Yep! That's us.
(laughing) Uh, Booker, I think you have too many dishes in there.
You've never loaded a dishwasher in your life.
How do you know? Because you can't close it.
It'll close.
Never doubt the man.
Who closed it? The man.
Now the man's gonna go watch cartoons.
(clicks, humming) (dishes rattling) - What's happening? - (grinding) I think the man just broke the dishwasher.
Guys, calm down.
All right? It's not broken.
(thumping) (hisses) Yeah, that's broken.
Hey, Rae! Uh, listen, the, uh, toilet won't stop running.
Oh, did you do that trick with the handle? The jiggle, jiggle, stop, jiggle, jiggle, stop jiggle, jiggle? Yeah.
No, I did, then it, uh, jiggle, jiggle, broke.
I don't have time for this.
- I have to get to work.
- Wait.
On a Saturday? Yeah.
My bossed called me and said that one of our clients is having a fashion emergency.
That's okay, I'll just call the landlord.
- No! Don't do that.
- What? No, don't do that, don't do that.
Just flush with the pliers that we use to turn on the hallway light.
Aren't these the pliers that we use to open the closet? No, no, those are the pliers that we use to turn on the oven.
Rae, I think we have a problem.
You're right.
I need to buy more pliers.
Why can't we just call the landlord? - Who are you? - Who am I? I live here! Who are you? Oh no, Chels, I just had a vision that the landlord saw you in our apartment.
Why can't the landlord see me? (high-pitched) Well Uh-oh, Rae.
Listen, we've been besties for a long time, and if there's one thing I know, it's that the higher your voice, the guiltier you are.
(very high-pitched) Wha-aat? Rae-Rae, what'd you do? I never told Jablonski that you and Levi moved in, and it says on our lease that it can only be one family per apartment.
Just keep it a secret until I talk to him.
Don't worry, Rae.
I'm as good at keepin' secrets as I am at makin' pancakes.
Go to your room.
Ah! I found the problem.
It's this thing in my hands.
- What's wrong with it? - It should not be in my hands.
- Hey, guys.
- Nothing! Nia, what's goin' on? It's the dishwasher.
It just started making this weird noise.
Well, I'll put it on my list of things to fix when I get home.
Are you really gonna fix it, or just clamp pliers on it? I gotta work on a Saturday.
My house is fallin' apart.
You really tryin' to poke this bear right now, Levi? Nope.
I'm good.
All I ask is that you do not call the landlord, please.
I do not want Mr.
Jablonski in this apartment while I'm gone.
For now, just use the other dishwasher.
- What other dishwasher? - You! Raven, thank goodness you're here.
I really didn't wanna call you in on a Saturday, which is why I had my assistant do it.
Didn't think about blocking Jessica's number.
We have a Mitzi Vandermark situation.
Wait a second.
When I left yesterday, everybody was happy.
Those capri pants I made were perfect.
Well, today she tried them on and freaked.
She was so upset she peed on the floor.
- What? - (dog whimpers) What are we gonna do? Her owner's gonna be back any minute.
Don't worry about this.
I got it, I got it, hold on.
Yeah, that's easy, that's easy, I'm gonna lower the hemline, taper the waist, and then give her booty a good 20-minute scratch.
Are you talking about Mitzi or the owner? Whatever gets me outta here sooner.
I just had a genius idea: Let's spell Mitzi's name in jewels on her booty.
Uh, I don't like it.
I don't like it.
Well, I love it, and we're doing it.
- Okay.
- This is so fun.
It doesn't even feel like - we're working on a Saturday.
- (both laugh) (mockingly) Yes, it does.
Finally! Last one.
Booker! You didn't wash the bottom.
We don't eat off the bottom.
I don't wanna do this anymore.
Why can't we just call Jablonski? Mom said not to.
She's at work.
She'll never know he was here.
Or we can keep washing dishes.
By hand.
Give me the phone.
Levi, go in the hallway and keep watch just in case Mom comes home early.
And no messing around.
Gotta really pay attention.
But won't I look suspicious? I should probably have a cover.
I could bring my drone.
Hey, you know, that's some good thinkin', yeah.
And make it look like you're really havin' fun.
Okay, but I'm only doin' it for you, not because it's what I wanted to do anyway.
- He just played me, didn't he? - (door opens) Like a curly-haired piano.
Just a boy playin' with his drone.
Keep movin'.
Nothin' to see here.
Come on.
What the heck, Tess? Why'd you hit my drone? 'Cause I had a bat.
And because you have a bat, I won't ask any more questions.
Man, now I gotta go find my drone.
Quit your crying.
I'll help ya.
- You don't have to.
- Eh.
It's either that or help my mom get rid of the fleas in our apartment.
How you get to have fleas in your apartment? How am I supposed to know? There we go! Dishwasher's all fixed.
- Thanks! - "Thanks"? That's it? The absolute bare minimum of gratitude? Oh, yeah, I don't deserve more than that.
I'm just Phil Jablonski.
I don't have feelings.
Thanks a lot? Now it's meaningless.
You made me beg for it.
Hey! Hey, who put the chain on this door? Mom's home! Okay, you distract her, I'll hide Jablonski, and when she's not looking, I'll sneak him out.
Uh, Mr.
Jablonski? While you're here, would you mind taking a look at our leaky shower head? Oh, sure.
Not like I got nothin' else to do.
I mean, I don't, but it's the assumption that hurts.
Hold on, hold on, gotta close it to open it.
That's how the chain works.
(laughs) You know how the chain works.
Yeah, I know how the chain work.
Mom, I'm glad you're home.
There's a spider in the kitchen, I need you to kill it.
What's the matter, your sister not around? (laughs) Yep, that was savage, Mom.
- Mom's in the kitchen.
- Perfect.
I'll get Jablonski out of the bathroom, and Mom will never know he was here.
(Chelsea screams) What was that? Who are you? Wh-- who am I? I live here! Who are you? Mr.
Jablonski? Gosh, that name sounds really familiar.
Hey, Rae, what's the name of that landlord I'm not supposed to tell I live here? Both: Jablonski.
That's it.
Jablonski, I swear I was gonna tell you about Chelsea and Levi moving in.
- When? - You know, today, around this time.
Your lease says one family per apartment.
An extra family'll cost you an extra thousand bucks a month.
What? That's ridiculous.
We can't afford that.
Listen, you broke the rules.
Come up with the money, or you're all out by the end of the month.
What? Is that really gonna happen? He can't just kick us out, can he? Nobody's getting kicked out.
Don't worry about it, all right? Just let me and Aunt Chels talk this out.
(sighs) Ooh.
So, what'd you wanna talk about? Really? I don't know.
I don't know! Rae, I'm freakin' out! I don't wanna leave.
Levi's so happy.
I'm happy.
It's like for the first time since my divorce, I actually felt like things were gonna be okay.
They will be.
They will, Chels.
Don't worry about it.
We're gonna figure this out, right? We gotta-- we gotta find a way to make an extra $1,000 a month.
Oh, I got it.
Every day at 4:30 an armored truck stops outside the building across the street.
One guard goes outside while the other one stays in the car.
I'm thinkin' today, when the first guy leaves, I'll creep up on the second guy, and ask them if they're hiring.
Right? Or I'll just go back to work and ask my boss for a raise.
All right, but if that doesn't work, you gotta text me by 4:15, so I can get in position.
And print out a resume.
This came off my drone.
Maybe it flew in that apartment.
Hold up! I know everybody in this building, and the lady who lives in there is a witch.
A witch? Are you joking? Listen up, fun size.
There's two things I don't joke about, and one of them's witches.
What's the other thing? Who cares, yo? We're talkin' about witches! I have to get my drone.
I'm going in.
Aaaaah! Tess, what are you doing? I came in here to keep you from being witched like all these other kids.
They're not kids.
They're dolls.
Oh, yeah? Well, then why does this one look like Mike Applebaum from 3F? Yo Mike, they told us you moved to St.
Tess, you can go if you want, but I'm not leaving without my drone.
What's the big deal with that thing, anyway? It was the last thing my dad got me before he went to jail.
I'm sorry, Levi.
Don't worry, we'll find it.
- (lamp clicks) - Who are you? Both: (screaming) Witch! Paisley? Are you here? (whimpering) Oh, come on! If you're gonna put Mitzi's name on the pants, at least sew it right! Paisley: Jessica, call Mitzi's owner and tell her the pants are ready.
(gasps) What happened? Quick! Call Raven! She's the only one who can fix this.
(phone ringing) What are you doing? I was-- I was looking for the perpetrator who, uh-- who, uh-- who jacked up Mitzi's pants.
And I-- I thought they was behind the curtain, but they weren't.
Please tell me you can fix them.
Oh, of course, of course I can fix them.
You're a life saver.
I literally don't know what I would do without you.
Oh, I am so glad you said that, 'cause I need to ask you something.
Raven, you can ask me anything, literally.
If there is anything you need, just ask.
I would literally do anything for you.
I need a raise.
I literally cannot do that.
Now that my dog is engaged to the mayor's dog, I have to pay for a really fancy wedding.
So you can't give me a raise 'cause your dog's getting married? I knew you'd understand.
No, I don't.
I literally don't.
Booker I have an idea on how we can make money.
We can sell some of our stuff, like in a yard sale.
Nia, there's no way we're gonna raise $1,000 selling our dumb stuff.
We can't just sit around.
This is our fault.
It could split our family up.
You don't think I know that? Now that I have a brother, I finally know the joy you've had for the last 11 years.
What are we gonna do? You did it! You saved the apartment! Nia! I just had another one of those things where I saw what was gonna happen before it happens! - A vision? - Yeah, let's call it that from now on.
In this one, I saved the apartment! That's amazing! How? Was it the yard sale? That or I finally got that male modeling contract.
Yard sale it is! You're gonna love Robie the Robot.
He's a radio, a flashlight, and if you push this button, sometimes, not every time he swears.
From one Easy-Make baker to another, a 25-watt bulb is the secret to a moist cake.
All right.
You enjoy yourself, Terry.
- How much did you make? - One hundred and forty.
So unless you made $860, then we're in trouble.
We're in trouble.
I can't believe Paisley wouldn't give me a raise.
I've been workin' here for three years, and all she can say to me was, (mimics Paisley) "Raven, can you please re-bling this bulldog's booty?" I called the bank and tried cleaning out my savings, but apparently, you can only do that once! I don't know what we're gonna do, Chels, I'm all out of ideas.
I mean, how are we gonna get a thousand dollars? Rae, listen, we have been through so much together.
You know, high school? Divorce? That summer we spent crewin' that oil rig? We can't give up.
You're right.
- I'll be home soon.
- Okay.
(knock on door) Mr.
Jablonski, thanks for comin'.
This is weird, right? I jack up your rent, you invite me over for coffee.
I gotta tell ya, my, uh, landlord senses are tingling here.
(laughing) No.
No, no, no, I just thought if we talked over maybe a cup of coffee, we could, uh, come to some sort of understanding.
(laughs) (spitting) Oh! This is awful! Wait.
You tryin' to poison me? Poison you? Why would I do that? To stop me from throwin' you out.
Well, this isn't the first time a tenant's tried to poison old Phil Jablonski.
I'm callin' the cops.
- Well, careful, don't slip on the - Whoa! - (gasp) - (thud) coffee! Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, I-- I should've said that faster.
Tess: Lady, you're killin' me! With all that delicious cake! It was really nice to meet you, Myrna.
Thanks for being so understanding about the breaking and entering.
And for not turning us into dolls.
Please! Where would I put you? Come back soon.
We can look through the rest of my family albums! Can't wait.
Now that lady had way too many pictures of her son, right? Made her doll collection look downright reasonable.
(laughs) Chels! Kids! Mom? This is for you.
We sold a bunch of our stuff.
It's not enough for the rent, but we want you to have it.
You did not have to do this.
I told you, Chels and I were gonna take care of it.
I know.
But we wanted to help.
(Nia giggles) You guys are never gonna believe where I just was.
- Mmm! - Why is there a dude in the closet? Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmmmmm! - (gasps) Mr.
Jablonski? - Mmm! Mmm! Mm! What is going on here? (knock on door) Hey, Levi, you forgot your toy.
(noises through gag) - Phil? - Mmm! - You know him? - He's my son! The witch from 2A is your mama? Oh! Well, I see you found Mr.
- Mm! - Why have you got my Philly all tied up? Yeah, why do you have her Philly all tied up? I panicked! Okay? God, he ac-- accused me of trying to poison him.
- Why would he think that? - I don't know, I just made him cup of coffee.
Trio: Oh (coughs) Ma, these people are crazy.
I want ya outta here.
Jablonski, please! Please, don't blame them.
My son and I will move out.
- That'll work! - Wait.
No, no, no, if they're going, we're going.
That works, too! I'm sorry.
None of this would be happening if I hadn't've called Jablonski.
I should've just listened to you.
But you only called him 'cause I broke the dishwasher.
Stop it, you two, stop it.
This is not on you.
It's on me.
All right? Mr.
Jablonski? I should've told you that I had another family move in, but you have to understand, this is my best friend.
And she was struggling.
And honestly, so was I, I mean, we got kids, we got bills.
It's hard.
And yes, we might be two families living in one apartment, but You know what? It's okay.
We'll get outta your hair.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, Myrna.
Looks like we won't be able to play mah-jongg next Tuesday.
Oh, don't cancel on me yet, honey.
I know what's it's like to try and raise kids alone.
I wish I had a best friend helpin' me out when I was raisin' this knucklehead.
Ma, what are you sayin'? Nobody's goin' anywhere! But they're two families! I only see one.
And I'm not letting you throw them out! - (whispers) Or raise the rent.
- Or raise the rent! But, Ma, I'm the landlord.
And I own the building! How cool is this? Jablonski's getting yelled at by his mom! Come on, Phil.
We've bothered these nice people long enough.
Oh, Levi, are we still on for mah-jongg? - Only if you don't mind losing.
- Oh, we'll see.
Wow, Levi! Good thing you made friends with Myrna.
She's right.
You did it! You saved the apartment! That was my vision! I know, but Levi saved the day, not us.
And he's gettin' my smooches! Hey! Now everybody is gettin' smooches.
Come here.
(giggles) Smooches! Here's Philly when he was three.
Oh, and here he is in the tub! Both: Aww.
You guys, I have a picture of the twins just like it, check it out.
Both: Aww.
Yeah, Levi never liked baths.
This is him in the shower.
Both: Aww.
This is so humiliating.
The worst.
What is it with moms and bath pictures? I get it.
I got a pretty cute tushie.
Oh, and here's Philly with a perm.
You had hair? Sorry, man we gotta see this.
All: Aww!
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