Red Oaks (2014) s03e06 Episode Script

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1 NASH: I can't believe it.
I'm in shock.
What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? I'm an unemployed 40-something tennis pro.
My only marketable skills are my backhand and facility for risqué banter.
I can't even type.
[SNIFFS] Maybe you could sell boats.
Is that supposed to be a joke? Here, take this.
No, thank you.
GETTY: Take it.
That's a Montecristo.
That's the finest cigar you're ever gonna smoke.
I've been saving it for a special occasion.
But you can have it.
Oy.
[SETS GLASS ON TABLE] [GETTY SIGHS] All right, boychik.
Hey, boss.
Rusty.
What can I do for you? I'm quitting.
I beg your pardon? I got another job.
Another job? - But the season's almost over.
- I know.
But I want to get my foot in the door for next summer.
Your foot in the door? Where? Windybush.
Yeah.
I'm the new assistant pro.
Huh.
So, that's my notice.
[MISTY GASPS] BOTH: Dun-da-da! - Oh, my God, you guys! - WHEELER: You like it? It's So, it's-it's a it's-it's a tooth.
It's beautiful.
Is it sugarless? Ah.
I'm just kidding.
[LAUGHTER] - Come here, guys.
- Mm.
So, what do you want to do tonight? Um, I don't know.
What are my options? We could go out to a nice dinner somewhere.
Yeah, we could hit some bars.
Or we could drive out to the burbs and take a big poop through Dr.
Ron's moonroof.
Well, you know, as tempting as that sounds, I think I'm gonna go with option one.
- [DAVID CHUCKLES] - But only if I pay.
- No way.
- Absolutely not.
Uh, you guys are both unemployed.
- Yeah, we're not destitute.
- I got a job interview Monday.
Hey, that's great.
Where? Wedding videographer in the city.
Also, I think I might start teaching tennis at a club downtown for some extra cash.
Yeah.
I'm gonna grab my wallet.
[SIGHS] Is he gonna be okay? I don't know.
Well I can't believe you guys baked me a cake.
[LAUGHS] Wow.
- Mmm.
- You gonna eat any actual cake? No, no, frosting is the best part.
Here.
[CHUCKLES] Mmm.
You're amazing, you know that? You know how many people say they're gonna do something and then never do it? You actually did it.
You made it happen.
It's just community college.
So what? That's a big deal.
Proud of you.
Nobody's ever looked at me like you do.
Good.
[CHUCKLES] WHEELER: Mmm.
Give me some of that sweet frosting.
[MISTY CHUCKLES] Mm! Almost forgot.
You stay right there.
I have a big surprise for you.
Don't move! [MISTY LAUGHS] [PHONE RINGING] WHEELER: Let it go to answering machine.
- [CLATTERING] - Okay.
- Don't want to kill the moment.
- [CHUCKLES] WHEELER [RECORDED]: Sorry we're not in, but leave a message and we'll get back to you - at some future juncture.
- [BEEP] FOX: Hi, Wheeler? It's Beryl.
Uh, I'm sorry, I got your number from the registrar.
[SIGHS] I'm so sorry about the other night.
I hope that, uh, you can call me back and we can talk about it.
I need to see you again, Wheeler.
I need your sperm.
I'm sorry if I sound desperate.
- I really wanted this to work.
- [DOOR OPENS, SLAMS] The whole episode has left me feeling very emotional, and, um Dun-da-da! Misty? FOX: If we could just meet, I'm sure that we could work something out.
Maybe you can go back to trying the turkey baster.
WHEELER: Fuck! - Which way she go? - I don't know.
Misty! ANNABELLE: David! Hey! What are you doing here? Oh, my God.
Nigel sent me.
Nigel? Why? He wants to see you.
I watched your reel.
Mm.
It was solid.
Not exceptional, but interesting.
Especially the, uh, promotional video you shot for that ridiculous country club.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
NIGEL: You're clearly a fan of Truffaut and Rohmer and La Nouvelle Vague.
DAVID: Oh, yeah, big-time, big-time.
It shows.
But that's fine.
That's how you discover your own style, by copying your idols.
Your take on the Lucky Chow spot was interesting.
A bit unrealistic given that the budget is next to nil, but, uh, we can discuss that next week.
We can? I realize a dog food commercial isn't the sexiest of assignments, but everyone has to start somewhere.
After all, Coppola got his start making soft-core porn.
Fuck.
Thank you.
You're welcome, David.
[DOORBELLS JINGLE] Oh, my God, Sam.
I hardly recognize this place.
You have transformed it.
I-I mean, I'm serious.
I would actually, I would actually consider eating here if you offered any healthy options or I could somehow unsee that dead rat you found drowned in the toilet.
SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks.
Why are you taking that down? Grand opening is canceled.
Why? The hood isn't up to code.
I get estimates.
It's gonna cost four grand to replace, four grand that I don't have.
What about Terry? We had a falling out.
I'm on my own.
Oh Sam.
All right, look, Judy, just do me a favor.
Just don't say "I told you so.
" MISTY [OVER MACHINE]: Hey, me and Ma aren't home right now.
Leave a message and we'll call you back.
[BEEP] WHEELER: Hey, Misty.
[SNIFFS] It's me again.
Please, just pick up the phone.
[SIGHS] Okay, I guess you're out.
Or you're still too pissed to talk.
Or your mom is just erasing these messages before you get them, in which case, hi, Jolene.
Look, I'm really sorry.
I know I screwed up, but it's not what you think.
Okay? And-and it's just way too complicated to explain over the phone, but I swear to God, I can explain it if you just give me a fucking chance.
Just just please call me back.
[SLURPING] REBECCA: Hello, Nasser.
[EXHALES] Where's Rabbi Ken? Well, he's at a Temple Beth Shalom camping trip.
Making sh'mores, no doubt.
I'm glad to see that you haven't lost your sense of humor.
Just my job.
Actually, that's what I wanted to talk with you about.
Huh.
Ken and I spent last winter visiting friends in Palm Beach.
We're, uh, members of a newly reopened club.
I was talking to them last night and they happened to mention that they still haven't found a full-time tennis pro.
I-I hope you won't be upset with me or think I'm meddling, but I phoned the general manager and I told him what a lovely man you are, and what a wonderful job that you had done for us here at Red Oaks.
And he said he would be very excited to talk with you.
- You did that for me? - Mm.
This is his number.
Just give him a call.
"Mar-a-Lago.
" What a hauntingly beautiful name.
Like "Brigadoon.
" Rebecca, I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
Bartender, Harvey Wallbangers for everyone! Or just another one for me.
Ha-ha! This one's all spit and ice.
- Here we go! - [CLAPS HANDS] May I borrow your phone, please? Andy, is it? We never talk.
- Turns out to be a nice day.
- Yeah.
Yeah, maybe too nice.
Everybody's probably at the shore or at a barbecue.
Not everyone.
Well, you better hope not.
'Cause if this thing goes belly up, you can kiss your inheritance good-bye.
[BOTH LAUGH] I wasn't counting on it.
Hey, I'm-I'm proud of you.
You took a risk.
It's not easy.
Hey, you see the new exhaust hood? Yeah.
How much that thing set you back? Four grand.
Well, not me.
My new partner.
Rode to the rescue at the 11th hour, like Yul Brynner in The Magnificent Seven.
Really? Who is it? [DOORBELLS JINGLE] Hi, everybody.
- Hey.
- Hi, baby.
Mm.
- Hey, honey.
- Mazel tov.
Mm.
Oh, I want you to meet my lady friend Shirley.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- It's a pleasure, Judy.
Oh, hey, it's, uh, it's noon.
- Well, showtime, Sam.
- JUDY: Ooh.
- Here goes nothing.
- [WOMEN CHUCKLE] Well, I got me a cowboy hat To stick a feather in Then I found a T-shirt - [IMITATING GUNSHOTS] - [LAUGHTER, CLAPPING] And now I'm trying to act Like I'm Willie Nelson's twin I'm just a woman trying to be an outlaw I heard Waylon Jennings say That if I really try I'll go to Willie Nelson's house - When it's time to die - [DOORBELLS JINGLE] And I don't think Hi.
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
What? - What? - [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
You are so big.
Yeah, he likes to eat.
- He does.
- Hey! Hey, Ricky.
Grab an apron, put a bib on the kid.
Get over here.
I need your help.
- Got to be kidding me, this guy.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES] - Thank you for coming.
- Well, yeah.
Thank you for calling.
You want this? go ahead.
There you go.
Isn't that something? - Look at that big piece.
- I know.
Um, do you want to have dinner tonight? Tonight? Oh, God.
- I mean, I'm - No, it's not I-I would love to have dinner, but, um, - Ricky has a date tonight - Mm-hmm.
and I don't have anybody to look after Leo, so Well, we can, you know We don't have to go out.
We could, you know, eat at your house.
I mean, I don't know, I'd kind of prefer it.
Yeah? Yeah, that'd be nice.
Okay.
- SHIRLEY: Does she talk to you? - Oh, is she speaking to me? Yeah.
No.
-I thought you meant, like, some spiritual thing.
[SHIRLEY LAUGHS] Um she's not talking to me.
No, she's not talk She's definitely not talking to me right now.
I mean, I just I don't know why I'm having this conversation.
I don't even know you ladies that well.
- SHIRLEY: That's okay.
- GAIL: That's all right.
- We've been there.
- Yeah.
You know what, you got to give the girl space.
That's right.
You really do.
And it's like that old saying, you know, "If you love somebody, set them free.
" Who said that? GAIL: Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
Also Sting.
Mm.
- Thank you, ladies.
- Oh, Wheeler, of course.
Aw, can you believe our David was ever this little? SAM: No, I do not believe that.
Mm, well, he was.
Well, I will take your word for it.
[LAUGHS] Oh.
[GASPS] Thank you! Mmm! - SAM [CHUCKLES]: Oh.
- Mmm.
Mmm.
- Mmm, yeah, okay.
- [LAUGHS] Oh.
[LAUGHS] [BABY COOING] You seem happy.
Are you happy? Yeah, I am.
[BABY BABBLES] SAM: Yes, I see.
- I like Gail.
She's nice.
- [GASPS, BABBLES PLAYFULLY] She is.
She's nice.
[JUDY SPEAKING GIBBERISH TO BABY] - Everything okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Be right back.
He's coming back.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he's coming back.
[DOORBELLS JINGLE] Terry.
Had many customers? Fair number.
Sorry I called you a motherfucker.
Sorry I called you a racist.
I'm not one.
I know.
I'm just a little overprotective of my sister.
I promised my mom I would look out for her, not let her get taken advantage of by any slick-talking sandwich maker.
I'm not taking advantage of your sister.
Hand to God.
Terry, I really care for her.
Yeah, I noticed.
[LAUGHS]: Yeah, I guess so.
[BOTH LAUGHING] [SIGHS] Oh, you smell like oregano.
Yeah, it's my new aftershave.
"Greek Spice.
" [LAUGHS] Oh, man, I miss you, buddy.
Come on.
SAM: I'll show you around, partner.
TERRY: I like the way that sounds.
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS] Running down these city streets When the future's calling me.
[GRUNTS] Come on.
[GRUNTS] Huh! Boychik! [LAUGHS] Hey, how was the Labor Day Luau? - Poorly attended.
- Oh.
But the staff after-party was one for the history books.
Oh, yeah? I had a little ménage à trois with a lusty lady greenskeeper, who shall remain nameless, and Skip.
Wow.
Uh, that's, uh that's awesome? WHEELER: Hey.
Uh, do you know if Misty's working today? Uh, she was earlier.
Cool.
I'm gonna try and find her.
DAVID: Still won't return his calls.
NASH: When does the poor bastard go back to school? - DAVID: Tomorrow.
- Hmm.
Hey, why don't you pop up to the pro shop? You're welcome to any of our unsold inventory.
Have you tried a stress ball yet? Oh, David, they're a lot of fun.
Come on.
Misty? Shit.
- Misty, wait! - Screw you.
- I didn't cheat, I swear to God! - Whatever.
That woman on the phone was my professor! Like that makes a difference! Come on.
[PANTING] [TIRES SCREECH] [PANTING] Excuse me.
Is this seat taken? And then, on Sunday, Skye made reservations for brunch at Tavern on the Green.
Tavern on the Green? Doesn't sound like Skye.
Well, I think she knows you like it there, so it'll help soften the blow.
Oy.
What's happening now? We're meeting her new beau.
[GETTY GROANS] Wonder what this guy's gonna be cheesemonger or fry cook? As long as he's not an actor, I'll be happy.
-[CHUCKLES] Mr.
Getty, Mrs.
Getty.
- GETTY: David! - FAY: Oh, look at you.
Taking along a few souvenirs, I see.
Yeah, Nash said they were gonna be thrown away, so I figured, you know We should grab ourselves a couple of those.
I'm sorry the video didn't convince more people to vote no.
GETTY: What are you gonna do? People want change.
Although why, I couldn't tell you.
So, where are you off to? - Back to the city.
- FAY: Oh, hot date? I'm prepping for a commercial shoot.
What does, uh What does that entail? Uh, going over the script, writing a shot list.
And this is something that you're-you're making? - DAVID: I'm directing, yeah.
- Oh.
You're directing? Look at this.
- Good for you.
- Thank you.
So, are you guys gonna become members at Windybush? - [CHUCKLES] - Over my dead body.
Yeah, well, we'll see.
First, we're going on a nice, long vacation.
We are? Nice.
Well, I guess instead of "bye" I'll say "bon voyage.
" GETTY: Hey.
- [FAY CHUCKLES] - Listen.
You keep in touch, huh? - Yeah, I was planning to.
- Yeah? Yeah, well, you still owe me that favor.
[BOTH LAUGH] I always knew that kid was going places.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, right back to a shitty one-bedroom in the city.
[GETTY CHUCKLES] So, what's all this about me and you going on a vacation? Oh, yeah.
First thing Monday morning, I want you to get on your little, uh, travel computer Mmhmm.
book us a first-class cruise to the Caymans.
Can we afford that? Well, you can ask my banker when we get there.
Since when do you have a banker in the Caymans? Oh, since I started squirreling money offshore where the feds wouldn't find it.
[EXHALES] And it never occurred to you that I might one day be upset when I ran into your illegitimate love child at the mall? It's not a love child if you're just giving people some of your sperms.
Are you trying to tell me that you're only doing this for the money? Yes.
I don't believe you.
I think you felt sorry for them.
Maybe a little.
God! See, that's your problem.
Big heart, shit for brains.
Honest to God, I have never met someone so smart with less common sense.
Yeah.
Is this how it's gonna be for the rest of our lives? Every few months, you go off, do something stupid? 'Cause I'd kind of like to know what I'm getting myself into.
[SIGHS] Did you just say "for the rest of our lives"? Yeah.
Meaning, like, together? Yeah.
This baby comes out bald, I might have to get him a wig.
I don't know if he'll come out bald, but he won't have a lot of hair; not as much as you, not yet.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
I trust you.
Ho-ho! Look at these bad hombres.
- Hi.
- Wow.
- You're - Due in October, yeah.
I put that in there.
With my ween.
Tremendous.
Have you come up with any names yet or? If it's a girl, we're thinking Glinda, and if it's a boy, Merlin.
But nothing's set in stone.
Can I? Yeah.
Wow.
Hey, babe, we got to motor.
Can't be late for Lamaze.
Yeah.
I'll keep an eye out for your commercial.
Oh, cool.
And your movies.
I'm so proud of you.
Sayonara, fellas.
[ENGINE STARTS] MISTY: Hey, guys.
Where have you been? -Took a little spin around the links for old time's sake.
Oh, is that a euphemism for making love? Nope.
No, it's not.
[MISTY AND WHEELER CHUCKLE] Dude, Nash, come on.
We have a shitload of packing still to do.
- Packing? - Yes, didn't I tell mention it? We're, uh, rooming together in Palm Beach.
Where our door is always open, boychik.
Thank you, Nash.
- Wheeler.
- Take care of yourself, man.
Oh, you, too, buddy.
You, too.
- Nash.
- Misty, my dear.
[CHUCKLES] Boychik.
[NASH LAUGHS HEARTILY] [GRUNTS] Ah.
Strong shape.
- Tut-tut! - [CHUCKLING] You ready, buddy? - Hop-ho! Ho! - Hey-yo! ["PHOTOGRAPH" BY RINGO STARR PLAYING] Every time I see your face It reminds me of The places we used to go But all I've got is a photograph And I realize You're not coming back anymore I want you here to have and hold As the years go by And we grow old and gray [DAVID TALKING QUIETLY] His face is saying nothing, but his eyes are saying everything.
Okay, so let's start with, uh, putting the track down and we'll take it from the - Yeah, what is it? - Dog's here.
Hmm.
Can it act? Yeah, it's the Dustin Hoffman of dogs.
Great, great.
Well, I'll be over to talk to the owner in two secs.
- Any questions? - Mm-mm.
-No.
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
Okay, so Hey.
Hey.
- How's it going? - Good, I think.
- Are you excited? - I'm nervous and nauseous.
But that's probably 'cause I haven't eaten anything yet.
[WHISPERS]: Psst.
Don't tell anybody.
Eat something, silly.
[DAVID CHUCKLES SOFTLY] What? What is it? Let me fix you.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Yeah? Thank you.
Hey, do you and Noah want to grab a drink after wrap? I think I'll probably need to unwind a little bit, so I would, I would love that, but, um, I've got to go look at apartments.
Oh, are you guys moving? Just me.
Noah decided to move back to Nebraska.
He got a job as a track coach at our old high school.
What? Wow.
Are-are you okay? I mean No.
But I will be.
MAN: David, you want to see a frame? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, in a sec.
Are you okay? You sure? - I'm fine.
[CHUCKLES] - Yeah? Yeah, I think that they're waiting for you.
Yeah, I think so.
- I'm gonna go on over, okay? - Yep.
[CHUCKLES] DAVID: Okay, let me take a look at this.
Oh, yeah, this is great.
Uh, well, I'm not so much of a fan of the, uh, the negative space.
[DRUMROLL PLAYING] - [LIGHT CREAKS] - [DRUMROLL CONTINUES] [DRUMROLL CONTINUES] MAN: Roll sound.
Speed.
Lucky Chow spot, take one.
[DRUMROLL CONTINUES] Action.
["NEW SENSATIONS" BY LOU REED PLAYING] Ooh Ooh, new sensations Ooh Ooh, new sensations Talking 'bout some new sensations Talking 'bout some new sensations I want the principles of a timeless muse I want to eradicate my negative views And get rid of those people who are always on a down It's easy enough to tell what is wrong But that's not what I want to hear all night long Some people are like human Tuinals Ooh Ooh, new sensations.
[MUSIC FADES]