Regular Show (2010) s01e04 Episode Script
Death Punchies
Da-da-da-da-da! Dig Champs! Dude These are probably the best graphics I've ever seen in my life! Dude It looks just like the cover! Dude, let's play it.
We should stretch it out first.
We don't want to pull our "hammies," know what I'm sayin'? Hey, whatta ya doin'?! Starting.
Hurry up, and, pick your character! Aw, what?! I wanted to be player one! Dude I'm player one.
You're player two.
I don't wanna be player two! He digs with a sucky pickaxe! I want the one with the shovel! Dude, they're exactly the same! Then why don't you be player two?! I'm not using that sucky pickaxe! See?! Dude, calm down! Let's play Punchies to see who gets to be player one.
Fine! Looks like I'm player one.
No! It's not fair! You always get your way! Let's play Punchies, let's play Punchies.
I'm sick of it! Of course I'm not gonna beat you at punchies! Dude, you don't beat anybody at punchies.
Yes I do! No you don't.
Quick, doctor, both of these butt cheeks are unrecognizable.
If we want anyone to be able to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, stat! Stop talking! There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it! That's right! We used to call you the One- Cheek Wonder! Dude, I'm bringin' it back.
You better not! Is that One- Cheek wonder? I hope he's not trying to play Punchies with cheeks like that! Stop! Don't look at them! I'll win at punchies, you'll see! Dumb Mordecai! I hate you! You better not be messin' up my side of the room! You're ruining my life!!! Stupid bo- -ok? Death Kwon Do? "Learn kicks, chops and punches in moments.
" "Unlock your full potential today"? Yes! It's a touching story.
Really, it is.
But I don't know if you're ready for Death Kwon Do.
Why not?! Death Kwon Do is all about self defense.
But from the sound of it, you just want to hit harder.
No? Can you just teach me something? Determination.
I like that.
Okay, I'll teach you some beginner defensive moves.
All you gotta do is pick from the sacred text of Death Kwon Do Let's see, we can start you off with "Bicep Flex of Death.
" Or there's the "Leg Lifts of Death.
" That's a good beginner's move.
Or the "Pelvic Thrust of Death.
" That's one of my personal favorites.
That one.
That's the one I want.
"The Death Punch.
" That I'm afraid is not for beginners.
What, why? Because you only want to use it to beat up your friends.
You're not pure of heart! What?! Don't call me not pure of heart! What about you with your crappy mullet?! You're the one who's not pure of heart! That's it! I'm turning my back on you and counting to three! Of death.
And when I turn back around you're toast! One Of death.
Two Of death.
No! Sensei, I think somebody just death kwon clogged the toilet.
No! Try to be best Cause you're only a man And a manâs gotta learn to take it Try to believe Though the going gets rough That you gotta hang tough to make it History Repeat itself Try and youâll succeed Never doubt that youâre the one And you can have your dreams! Youâre the best! Around! Nothingâs gonna ever keep you down Youâre the Best! Around! Time to take this baby for a test drive.
Oh no, Bro! You're next, Mordecai!! All right, Rigby.
Cry baby time's over.
Come on, let's go get some food.
I'm buying.
What? Rigby! He's gonna pay for this.
Death Kwon Do? Where are you, Mordecai? I wanna play you punchies! Hey, mister, have you seen Mordecai? No.
Who's.
.
Have you seen 'im? Seen.
.
How 'bout you? so you think you're gonna beat me at punchies? Well, I've got news for you.
I know your little secret.
Now massage this foot! But I already did that one.
Then rub it again! Unless you want to get punched again! And Pops, what's with the easy-breezy? Speed it up! My pepperonis are roasting down here! Muscle Man, you see Mordecai yet? I can't see anything.
I'm right here, Rigby! Gimme those! Looks like you've learned the ways of Death Kwon Do.
Looks like you know how to say things people are already aware of.
Whatever! You can't handle The Death Punch! That sounds like a challenge.
That's because maybe it IS a challenge! Well then what're you doing up there? Muscle Man, High Fives, Carry me down.
Don't drop me! Be careful! Leaning, leaning! Here, here! Set me here.
What move did you learn? Why don't you come over here and find out.
What?! How come you're not dead yet? Probably because I learned "The Death Block.
" It worked pretty good for a first try, either that or your Death Punch totally blows! I'll kill you!! You're never gonna beat me at punchies! Are you finished yet? Not until I smash you!! What? Are you afraid of a little lava? Dude, this is serious! We've gotta get out of here! Never! Not until I beat you at punchies! Dude, stop! We're gonna die! I don't care! I'm sick of you always winning! I'm not quitting 'till I win! You got me, you got me! You got me.
You win! We have to stop now 'cause I lost.
I told ya I was gonna win! In yo face! I finally get to be player one! What?! That's what this is about?! You just wanted to be player one?! That's all I ever wanted! Dude, you can totally be player one.
Dude, quit crying.
I said you could be player one.
I know, but what good is being player one now? We're just gonna die in this lava!! Don't worry, dude.
I can get us away from the lava.
Really? How? You think I'm dumb enough to steal only one Death Kwon Do move? Wha-? Now, how do you wanna get outta here? "The Death Jump" or "The Death Dump"? Sick!! Better go with the Death Jump.
Hold on tight.
Look! Why yes sir, I have the Death Jump and the Death Dump right he- No! Dig Champs! It's finally happening! For once being a huge baby actually worked out for you! Stop talking!!! Dude, just hurry up and play.
You're just gonna die right at the beginning anyway.
I'll show you! What?! Snails are bad?! I thought snails were good! No, dude.
Snails are bad.
This sucks! I wanna be player two.
We should stretch it out first.
We don't want to pull our "hammies," know what I'm sayin'? Hey, whatta ya doin'?! Starting.
Hurry up, and, pick your character! Aw, what?! I wanted to be player one! Dude I'm player one.
You're player two.
I don't wanna be player two! He digs with a sucky pickaxe! I want the one with the shovel! Dude, they're exactly the same! Then why don't you be player two?! I'm not using that sucky pickaxe! See?! Dude, calm down! Let's play Punchies to see who gets to be player one.
Fine! Looks like I'm player one.
No! It's not fair! You always get your way! Let's play Punchies, let's play Punchies.
I'm sick of it! Of course I'm not gonna beat you at punchies! Dude, you don't beat anybody at punchies.
Yes I do! No you don't.
Quick, doctor, both of these butt cheeks are unrecognizable.
If we want anyone to be able to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, stat! Stop talking! There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it! That's right! We used to call you the One- Cheek Wonder! Dude, I'm bringin' it back.
You better not! Is that One- Cheek wonder? I hope he's not trying to play Punchies with cheeks like that! Stop! Don't look at them! I'll win at punchies, you'll see! Dumb Mordecai! I hate you! You better not be messin' up my side of the room! You're ruining my life!!! Stupid bo- -ok? Death Kwon Do? "Learn kicks, chops and punches in moments.
" "Unlock your full potential today"? Yes! It's a touching story.
Really, it is.
But I don't know if you're ready for Death Kwon Do.
Why not?! Death Kwon Do is all about self defense.
But from the sound of it, you just want to hit harder.
No? Can you just teach me something? Determination.
I like that.
Okay, I'll teach you some beginner defensive moves.
All you gotta do is pick from the sacred text of Death Kwon Do Let's see, we can start you off with "Bicep Flex of Death.
" Or there's the "Leg Lifts of Death.
" That's a good beginner's move.
Or the "Pelvic Thrust of Death.
" That's one of my personal favorites.
That one.
That's the one I want.
"The Death Punch.
" That I'm afraid is not for beginners.
What, why? Because you only want to use it to beat up your friends.
You're not pure of heart! What?! Don't call me not pure of heart! What about you with your crappy mullet?! You're the one who's not pure of heart! That's it! I'm turning my back on you and counting to three! Of death.
And when I turn back around you're toast! One Of death.
Two Of death.
No! Sensei, I think somebody just death kwon clogged the toilet.
No! Try to be best Cause you're only a man And a manâs gotta learn to take it Try to believe Though the going gets rough That you gotta hang tough to make it History Repeat itself Try and youâll succeed Never doubt that youâre the one And you can have your dreams! Youâre the best! Around! Nothingâs gonna ever keep you down Youâre the Best! Around! Time to take this baby for a test drive.
Oh no, Bro! You're next, Mordecai!! All right, Rigby.
Cry baby time's over.
Come on, let's go get some food.
I'm buying.
What? Rigby! He's gonna pay for this.
Death Kwon Do? Where are you, Mordecai? I wanna play you punchies! Hey, mister, have you seen Mordecai? No.
Who's.
.
Have you seen 'im? Seen.
.
How 'bout you? so you think you're gonna beat me at punchies? Well, I've got news for you.
I know your little secret.
Now massage this foot! But I already did that one.
Then rub it again! Unless you want to get punched again! And Pops, what's with the easy-breezy? Speed it up! My pepperonis are roasting down here! Muscle Man, you see Mordecai yet? I can't see anything.
I'm right here, Rigby! Gimme those! Looks like you've learned the ways of Death Kwon Do.
Looks like you know how to say things people are already aware of.
Whatever! You can't handle The Death Punch! That sounds like a challenge.
That's because maybe it IS a challenge! Well then what're you doing up there? Muscle Man, High Fives, Carry me down.
Don't drop me! Be careful! Leaning, leaning! Here, here! Set me here.
What move did you learn? Why don't you come over here and find out.
What?! How come you're not dead yet? Probably because I learned "The Death Block.
" It worked pretty good for a first try, either that or your Death Punch totally blows! I'll kill you!! You're never gonna beat me at punchies! Are you finished yet? Not until I smash you!! What? Are you afraid of a little lava? Dude, this is serious! We've gotta get out of here! Never! Not until I beat you at punchies! Dude, stop! We're gonna die! I don't care! I'm sick of you always winning! I'm not quitting 'till I win! You got me, you got me! You got me.
You win! We have to stop now 'cause I lost.
I told ya I was gonna win! In yo face! I finally get to be player one! What?! That's what this is about?! You just wanted to be player one?! That's all I ever wanted! Dude, you can totally be player one.
Dude, quit crying.
I said you could be player one.
I know, but what good is being player one now? We're just gonna die in this lava!! Don't worry, dude.
I can get us away from the lava.
Really? How? You think I'm dumb enough to steal only one Death Kwon Do move? Wha-? Now, how do you wanna get outta here? "The Death Jump" or "The Death Dump"? Sick!! Better go with the Death Jump.
Hold on tight.
Look! Why yes sir, I have the Death Jump and the Death Dump right he- No! Dig Champs! It's finally happening! For once being a huge baby actually worked out for you! Stop talking!!! Dude, just hurry up and play.
You're just gonna die right at the beginning anyway.
I'll show you! What?! Snails are bad?! I thought snails were good! No, dude.
Snails are bad.
This sucks! I wanna be player two.